Thank you all so much for your reviews. I didn't expect a single one and now I have even more than one! I am sooo happy! (:
As you may have realized by now, Lexie and Mark are alive and happy (because I love that pairing nearly as much as JAPRIL ;) )
All the magic happened in Shondaland…
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Tonight you will sleep for good
You will wait for me, my love
- Sia (My Love)
. T W O
He looked so fragile. His pale face, all the tubes… This was not how April remembered him. To her, he was this big goofy guy with a great smile on his face, dark hair and mischievous brown eyes. With her fingers pressed against the glass of the sliding doors leading into his room in the ICU, she drew in a shaky breath. Jackson stood beside her, one if his hands rested on the small of her back. Instead of watching the stranger in the bed in front of him, he was watching his girlfriend beside him. Just like the heaven outside of the walls of this hospital, his girl could not seem to stop her tears. Even if she wasn't outright sobbing anymore, there were still the traitorous trails on her cheeks. Maybe it was the hormones that made her cry this much, but Jackson knew that April was an emotional woman before that. When a woman like April heard a sad story she would cry out of sympathy and empathy. That made her a great human being and an even better doctor. At least Jackson always thought so.
"Wanna go in?", he asked her with a small frown on his handsome face. April didn't look good. She was paler than usual and there were already dark circles forming under her eyes. The young surgeon knew that she didn't sleep well the past few days because just a few days ago the morning sickness had kicked in full force. She couldn't keep down much and to Jackson it was showing now more than ever that he needed to watch over her, care for her and his baby. They were both doctors who knew a lot about the human body and the special needs of pregnant women, but sometimes April didn't act like one. She looked up at him with a frail smile.
"Yeah…", she answered his question timidly.
"I just… I think I should go in alone.", she continued and turned to Jackson. She looked up at her boyfriend and couldn't help but lean in and kiss him softly once, twice.
"I'm… I'm sorry. I'll explain later, okay?", she murmured and swiftly pushed past him into the room before he could say something, closing the sliding door behind her.
April knew that this must have been confusing for him. He was her Jackson, her best friend, her boyfriend. He wanted what was best for her and April loved him with all of her heart. After what had happened in San Francisco before their boards there was so much chaos, so many unspoken words. Both of them had hated the situation after they had broken up their not really existent relationship after the pregnancy scare. Luckily, Jackson had come to his senses after April had confessed her feelings for him after he nearly blew up with the yellow school bus right before her eyes. Nearly a year had come and gone between that incident and now but Jackson remembered her fierce attitude towards him like it happened not even an hour ago. He would never forget that night. Never forget how his life literally changed in an instant because of one decision he made.
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"Can you hold it right there for me?", Callie said after positioning his arm in front of his chest. He wouldn't lie; it hurt like hell. But he was a man and he just saved a little girl's life so he bit his teeth together and just watched the orthopaedic surgeon do her job.
She was just about to bandage him up when April came storming in, a fierce look on her face. She looked absolutely furious. "YOU!", she yelled at him, going straight at him and hitting him in the chest with both of her hands. "Ow!", he complained and nearly fell back on the gurney. "YOU! YOU COULD HAVE DIED!", she sobbed and hit him again. "April don't. Stop!", he replied looking at her uncomprehendingly.
"Kepner!", Callie gripped her arms.
"YOU COULD HAVE DIED!", April repeated again, sobbing, yelling.
"Kepner what is your problem?", Callie was furious. The little red-head just came in and attacked her patient. "Hey!", she tried to get April's attention. "Kepner, take a walk!", Callie ordered while showing her colleague the way out. "Take a walk!", she repeated herself after seeing that April was just looking at Avery, breathing heavily. Jackson looked back at his former best friend bewilderedly. What the hell just happened?
April turned around and ran from the scene, completely ignoring her fiancé of one day who stood right outside the curtains.
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Now it was Jackson who stood with his forehead pressed against the cool glass of the sliding door, watching his girlfriend sitting down next to another man. He took a deep breath and turned around. It seemed she had to do this on her own.
Behind the nurses' station sat Lexie, looking at him with a sad smile. A welcomed distraction Jackson took without question. Once there was more between the two of them but neither him nor her could remember what it really was. Probably just physical attraction. When the blue-eyed surgeon looked at her now, he saw a very a good friend. Nothing more, nothing less.
"Oh my god.", April whispered after she entered the room. With a hand covering her mouth she tried to hold back the sobs trying to escape her but it was no use. Behind the window it was hard enough to look at him but with the compatible sounds to all the machines working, it was so much worse. With one more step she was next to him and sat down in the chair beside his bed.
"Hi Brad.", a quiet greeting.
"I know we haven't talked in a long time but…", she wiped at her tears, "But I missed you."
There it was, a confession.
"God, I missed you.", she sighed before taking his heavy hand between hers on the bed. His fingers were warm but not the same healthy colour she remembered them to be. Softly her thump stroked over the back of his hand.
"I don't even know why I did what I did anymore… It seems so stupid now." Her soft murmurings seemed to echo in the room, which was only occupied by his still body and the too loud machines.
Never before did the feel so helpless. Okay, there was one situation that was even worse because she had thought she had lost the love of her life, but right now there was nothing worse than the feeling of powerlessness inside of her. She was a doctor and couldn't do a thing to help him. Her chest felt like someone was stomping on it. A heavy feeling lay on her heart as she remembered her confession to Jackson after he almost died that night. Why did her best friends always had to come so close to death before she could open up and be honest with them?
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"Don't.", he said as he watched the red-haired woman enter through the curtains again. "Whatever it is that's bugging you, just keep it to yourself, alright?!" He really wasn't in the mood to be hit by her again. There was enough of physical and especially emotional pain for one night.
She entered nonetheless and with a broken look and soaking wet clothes she looked at him. When she didn't say anything for a long moment his look turned annoyed but expectant at the same time. What did she want from him? Why did she look the way she did? So… so drained and nervous?
April was anxious. She wanted to say it but she was afraid to get hurt. The situation a few hours ago had shown her that she couldn't just let go of him like that.
"I want you…", she said after taking a deep breath, unsure of herself. She looked to the window and then back to him. "Jackson…", she breathed. It felt good to have said that. To get it out in the open. "I want YOU.", she repeated herself, now more clearly for him to hear. She ran a hand through her hair, nervously searching for the right things to say. It felt good on the one hand, on the other hand she felt stupid to have waited so long. She had to laugh at herself for doing this right now.
Confused Jackson shook his head lightly. "April…", he tried to interrupt her but she went right on.
"I haven't been fair to you, I know…", the red-head took a step towards him lying in the bed, wildly gesturing with her hands in front of her.
"And I've… I've really hurt you…"
"And you're getting married.", Jackson had to say it. Even if it hurt like hell, certainly a lot more than all his injuries combined, he had to get that out. She had just accepted a proposal from her paramedic that same morning. What was she doing?
"When that bus exploded… And…", she went on as if she didn't even hear what Jackson had just said. "And I thought you were gone and…", the tears were back, she couldn't stop them. She couldn't stop herself, she just had to be honest with him. There was no time like right now. April had to take a pause, swallow the sob.
"You're getting married.", the man lying in front of her repeated using her pause in speech, pronouncing every word. That made April stop in her thinking what to say next and look up at him. It was clear as day to her now.
"Unless you can give me a reason not to.", she said honestly, watching with her big, watery eyes as he swallowed himself, blinking repeatedly.
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"Who is that?", Lexie asked him curiously as Jackson sat down in one of the chairs next to her. She had just come to see what had happened to the guy in the emergency room and why April was so out of it because of him.
He took a deep breath. "Seems like that is Brad or something like that… Former best friend.", he said sighing before putting his hands behind his head and leaning back into the backrest. There was so much he didn't know about his girlfriend it seemed…
"THAT is Brad?", the dark-haired doctor couldn't help herself. Promptly her hands flew to her mouth and she looked at the man next to her wide-eyed. Jackson sat right back up. Now she had his full attention.
"You know him?", now it was him being curious. "How do YOU know him?"
Lexie sighed. "Jackson, we're women. Women talk."
"But I'm her best friend!", he felt betrayed. Maybe it was childish but it wasn't fair… Why had April talked to Lexie about this Brad but not to him? And more importantly when?
"You are her MALE best friend, Jackie.", Lexie said and witnessed Jackson's expression going from hurt to bewildered.
"What do you mean, 'male best friend'? Why wouldn't she talk to me about him? Is he… Is he an ex-BOYfriend?", there was an edge to his tone as he leaned up on his elbows to look over the counter into the room Bradley Parker was situated in.
There she was, his girlfriend. April was still holding onto Brad's hand, gently speaking to him. From Jackson's point of view it seemed like she was telling him about the baby because she saw that one of her hands lay on her belly and she was smiling softly at Brad. He turned to Lexie and saw her eyes widen at April's gestures. Was her best friend doing what she thought she was doing? The dark-haired woman looked to the man next to her.
"Wha… Is…", she was at a loss for words.
Jackson just smiled proudly. "Yeah, she is."
He knew what Lexie was trying to say. She unexpectedly threw her arms around him. "Oh my god! Congratulations!", she smiled at him and then looked back at April. "Wow…", she murmured quietly. What was this feeling inside of her? Was she jealous of her best friends? She really needed to talk to Mark.
"Thanks Lex.", Jackson said smiling widely at her. He was really excited to be a father. Somehow his view on the topic changed as soon as April had told him she suspected being pregnant the first time what seemed like ages ago now. From that moment on there was no other woman in his mind he wanted to have children with. He could just imagine a little girl with April's curls and cute little smile with dimples and all… On the other hand he knew there was still some time to go and with their luck there could arise one hell of a problem when they were least expecting it that would change it all. So no, he couldn't be too excited to only be disappointed in the end.
Nonetheless, he didn't forget what Lexie had just told him. She knew about this Brad when he hadn't ever heard the name before.
"Did they have a thing back then?", he asked, right back on topic while his gaze was still fixed upon his beautiful girlfriend. He was a guy, he had to know. Even if it was out of question that it was him to share her first time with her, it still bothered him that there was a chance that this Brad-character had touched her. In any way…
Meanwhile April still sat by Brad's side. She had told him all about the baby she was pregnant with because once she started on that subject there was no holding her back. And it made her happy. Even with her former best friend lain there, she could be happy that there was a life growing inside of her right now. She just couldn't not be happy about that. No matter the circumstances.
The young red-haired doctor looked at his heart monitor, feeling relieved that his heart seemed to be working steadily. The slow beep, beep, beep equalled the stable thump, thump, thump of his heart in her mind. When she didn't know what to say to him for a short period of time, she stood up and took his chart from the bedside table. Her sad eyes scanned all that was written in there. Her mouth dropped open in shock. April knew it all. She knew what the words meant and that his outlook wasn't the best after what he went through, but she still couldn't believe that she didn't know. How could he not tell her? Why did she have to find out like this, from a piece of paper, that one of the people who knew most about her was terminally ill? One of her hands flew to her mouth. She felt nauseated. For a moment she looked at Brad. He was ill. Really ill. And there was a good chance that she would never be able to speak to him again while he was able to answer. And now she felt really queasy. The chart dropped from her hand. It fell back on the table while April flew the room in the ICU. There was till the sound of the heart monitor as she ran to the nearest women's restroom and threw up.
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Again, thank you so much for reading.
Love
Julia