I figured I wouldn't be as mean as I was last time and leave you guys hanging. This is Part 2.

Chapter 4: The Anti-Dating Squad-Part Two

I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist/Brotherhood!

Note: Not OC centric, but an OC is a main character of this chapter.

When the two stepped into Resembool, Greed looked around and whistled. "Dude, there's more sheep here than people!"

Envy rolled his eyes in response. "Yeah, yeah, now why are we doing this again?"

"Relax. I know exactly what I'm doing."

"I'm older than you. I have a bigger brain, and I think this is a retarded plan."

Greed faked surprise. "Really? I thought you were agreeing with it for the past four hours I was stuck beside you on that stupid horse cart."

"Still, is it best to go capture a girl who trained her cat to attack people?!"

"We aren't capturing her, Envy, we're bringing her along. Besides, none of the feminine species can resist this charm." Greed winked back.

Envy looked bewildered. "Since when did you become a 'ladykiller'?! You're frigging nine!"

Greed shrugged. "Some boys got it, some boys don't."

Envy slowly turned a rather interesting shade of purple. "What are you trying to say…?"

"You still think the feminine breed have cooties. Your point against it would be…?"

Envy muttered something that really shouldn't be coming out of a ten year old's mouth. Greed smiled. Score one for the Avaricious! He stopped for a moment. "It's Elijah Elric, right?"

"Yeah. What about it?"

"That girl over there has a parasol with "Elric" stitched on it." Greed smiled.

Once Envy looked closer at the girl with the parasol, he grinned, but then his smile dropped. "The cat's with her."

Greed shrugged. "Just leave the lady to me. Watch and learn, my romantically challenged brother!"

Catherine looked out at the buggy station. Where was her brother? She was starving! Ms. Whiskers meowed at her. "It's okay Ms. Whiskers! Brother will get home, and I'll give you my milk. I still don't know how you like that stuff." She heard footsteps from behind her. They were small-definitely not her brother's. It was even smaller than his irritating girlfriend. Turning around, she saw a boy walking up to her with another in the distance. The closer one was wearing what looked like a leather jacket, spiky hair and slightly jagged teeth. Ms. Whiskers hissed protectively. The other boy looked a bit older, and she giggled slightly. He looked like a palm tree. It…was a 'he', right?

"Good afternoon, miss. It's a wonderful day, is it not?"

She saw the 'palm tree' roll his eyes, and she felt like doing the same thing. However, her brother told her that beating up and being rude to people was bad and if she could avoid it for the whole day, he would bring back a treat from Liore.

"It's a good day, kind sir." The words sounded false to her-which they were.

If he picked up on it, he didn't care. "I go by Greed. What do you prefer?"

"I'd prefer if you left me alone." Surely even Elijah wouldn't find that too rude.

"Did I offend you?" He would have looked a little more sincere, but the cocky smile gave away his attitude. Could she punch him? Please?

"You are a boy and are going to give me cooties." She scoffed.

Greed rubbed the back of his head. Funny, this worked on the older teenage women, (he didn't realize it was because they thought he was adorable trying) so why wouldn't it work on a girl his age? The brown haired girl was staring daggers at him. Perhaps it was time to drop the flirting. Too bad, this one was kind of hot. Mind you, a lot of the females were. "Are you sure I can't have your name? I'm sure it's prettier than miss."

The girl rolled her green eyes. "I'm Catherine Elric and this is Mrs. Whiskers, my guard cat!"

"She's seems really calm!"

"No, she's not. She's just assessing the situation."

"Assessing…?" The words were too big to comprehend for the nine year old. Envy smirked, proud of himself that he knew those words.

"It means she is watching what's going on to figure out what to do. It was from one of my brother's books. He writes!" She beamed, thinking of her brother.

"What's he write?" Greed didn't really care, but he figured it was polite.

"He wrote a book about Alchemy. It was how you could control different elements with it, like water…fire…"

Greed cut her off. "You like your brother a lot."

"Yeah! He's so nice to me! Unfortunately, he's dating someone."

"What's wrong with that?"

Both Envy and Catherine face palmed on how obvious he sounded when trying to pretend he didn't know.

"How do you know, Greed?"

Envy figured it was time to step in. Walking briskly up to his brother-who for once had seemed to be lost for words-he held his hand out for her to shake.

"I would be Envy-his brother. You see, my sister is the one that is dating your brother…"

A ferocious snarl appeared on her features "DID THAT LITTLE CREEP THINK SHE COULD SEND LITTLE BOYS TO DO A WOMAN'S JOB?! I WILL NEVER ACCEPT HER AS MY FAMILY AND SHE CAN TAKE A HIKE!" When the boys realized she was done, they unplugged their ears as the girl panted after straining her voice.

"Actually, that's not what we want at all." Envy pointed out.

"Then what the heck do you want?"

"Simple. They break up and everyone will be happy."

"I'm listening."

"We want you to join us."

"Why?"

"From our recon, you seemed like a pretty valuable ally."

"I don't know what 'recon' means, but I don't like the sound of that." She growled and her cat hissed.

"We weren't spying on you. I just…watched their date. So you trained your cat to fight…?"

A large grin popped on Catherine's face. "I did. She is the finest cat-combatant in Amestris! So…what were you planning to do?"

Greed and Envy exchanged looks. "Do…?"

"You know, to break them up? You do have a plan, right?"

"We needed some more information on your brother." Envy explained.

"So you have a good excuse. Very well. Let's go sit over there, and we'll figure this out. I need to grab my paper and pen."

"Does your brother have any weaknesses?"

"Well, he's not a fan of monsters…" She noted. "He's kind of a chicken."

Greed flashed Envy a look and Envy hit him over the head, for despite the lack of words exchanged, they both knew his suggestion.

"What…?"

"Never mind Catherine, continue!"

"That's really it. Nothing that won't hurt him anyway." A subtle threat was laced in the final sentence-something the boys caught quickly. "And your sister? What's her weakness?"

"She's protective of us." Greed noted. After a slight pause, he stood up suddenly.

"I GOT IT!" The other two turned around.

"Got…what?" Envy looked at him suspiciously.

Greed whispered something in his ear. Envy turned a slightly purple colour, but before he could object, he forced him to listen to him finish.

"What the heck are you two going on about?"

Greed looked at Envy, who with a huff nodded, turned to Catherine. "Okay. Here's the plan."

It was 7:30 PM on that fateful night. Lust and Elijah didn't know what horrors would come for them. "I-it was nice having you come!" Elijah gushed softly.

"As I wouldn't." Lust smirked as she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. If they had listened closer to their surroundings, they would have caught the sound of three slight gagging sounds.

"You told me you had made some dinner?"

"Yeah…hope you like spaghetti…" Elijah felt his face going red.

Lust bopped his nose playfully. "How could I hate something you make?"

He was the brightest shade of red in existence at this, and she walked into the house, with the blushing Elijah in toe.

"And that's why I hate her. She's a manipulative meanie." Catherine huffed as Ms. Whiskers hissed. Greed and Envy didn't really disagree.

"You two ready?" Greed whispered to Catherine.

"Yeah. I'm not sure how you're going to…"

"We know a few tricks. I've got this." Envy cut her off, with a small irritation laced in his

voice. With that, they snuck out of the bush, as Greed waited for his signal.

The date went well until Elijah and Lust heard a large ear piercing shriek. Elijah quickly got up from the table. "That's Catherine!"

"Here, let me-"

"No. I couldn't possibly allow a lady to hurt herself!"

Lust wanted to correct him that she was stronger than him, but appreciated being treated as a damsel (just this one time).

Elijah ran outside to see his sister mauled. He couldn't see the injuries, but she was covered in blood. "Wh-what happened?"

Catherine pointed with tears in her eyes to a devilish beast. It had four eyes, three horns and walked on two legs.

"It attacked me!"

"Who's blood is this?" Concern masked his expression.

"I-it's hers! Ms. Whiskers!" Elijah looked up just in time to see the monster go to pick up the cat and eat it. Before anyone knew it, Elijah had taken a sword out of his sheath and pointed it at the monster's head.

"B-be gone, foul beast!"

The monster dropped the cat on Catherine's lap and slunk over to the 17 year old male, circling him slowly. What Elijah didn't realize, was that a small boy of the age of nine was running towards the house.

"BIG SISTER LUST! BIG SISTER LUST!" Greed ran into the house.

Needless to say, this had been one of the last people Lust had expected to see. "Greed…? What are you doing here?"

"Envy lost control and he's being attacked!"

Some may wonder how on Amestris she would have fallen for such a thing, considering the regular animosity between these two, but there is one thing you must understand. Even in such an artificial family-family is everything. Especially for Lust.

She leaned down and gripped his shoulders. "Tell me everything!"

"W-well, he p-p-pulled one of his s-stupid t-transforming things and some g-guy thought h-he was attacking someone a-and drew h-his sword!"

"Why aren't you protecting him?" Her voice was more harsh than she intended. The nine year old let out a large sniff, and Lust inwardly winced.

"I-I thought...I should c-c-c-c-come for…" Then he burst into tears and she cussed something even Pride wouldn't have ever said.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. Where is he?" She wiped her brother's tears away.

"T-the garden!" She patted him once on the head and sprinted out the back door. Once she was out of sight, Greed grinned and swiped his hands quickly across his eyes.

"Hook, line and sinker!"

Once Lust got there, it was bad. Her little brother (or so she assumed, as such a monster simply did not exist) was cornered against the wall, with Elijah pressing his sword at his chest, ready to put in a killing strike. Any logic that she had that would have told her that he was going to be okay failed and she tackled Elijah to the ground, claws poised dangerously at her lover's neck.

"UNHAND ME!" He whipped around only to see Lust's growling expression.

"Leave. Him. Alone."

With that, Envy transformed back to his preferred state and slumped on the ground, Catherine getting closer to him, though the action was not noticed by the others.

"L-Lust? You're one of them?"

"Yes I am. And you just attacked my brother!"

"It attacked my sister!"

She pressed her claw up to his neck so it drew a drop of blood. "He's not an 'it', Elijah dear." With that, she slapped him across the face and got up.

"Well, it seems to run in the family. I didn't….I didn't sign up for this!"

"Neither did I. It's over!" Lust might as well been screaming.

Elijah's face turned red. "I would say so. Now excuse me, I…I have things to do! Catherine! Come with me!" He huffed.

She silently gave the boys a 'see you later' sign and followed her brother inside, picking up Ms. Whiskers, who was growling as the ketchup on her fur was irritating her.

Within a couple of hours (and several consoling hugs later for the former couple), the three met again at midnight.

"Operation complete!" Greed declared happily.

Envy huffed. "I never want to do that again."

Catherine sighed. "It took me hours to clean out the ketchup from Ms. Whiskers." She paused and noted to the boys. "Your eyes are red. Both of you."

"Irises? Well yeah…" Envy rolled his eyes.

"No, like sad red. Crying?"

Greed shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a good actor? Girls like sensitive guys-though I don't like to do that too often. So…what's your excuse?"

"Just trying to make myself look weak."

"Trying? You're an expert."

Envy seethed. "Listen here, hedgehog hair…"

"Sorry, my listening time for freaks just ended. You'll have to wait until tomorrow."

"LISTEN HERE YOU…."
Catherine smirked slightly as she watched the boys start there screaming match. Tapping slightly on her cat's head, she sat back. It took less than four seconds for the boys to be running away from a lunging, hissing, biting and scratching cat.

Good times indeed.

Sorry for taking so long to update, but I hoped you enjoyed it! Please send in ideas! I have my own material, but I'm sure you want to see yours too!