A/N – Wow, the sheer numbers of story alerts this one has gathered has been incredible. Never before has any one of my stories had so many so quickly. I would like to thank each and every one of you – reviews are lovely, don't get me wrong, but just knowing the number of people reading is wonderful for me to know.
I have not forgotten my other story – Heart of gold - if you read both – and I'm also writing that as time allows, but this story is almost writing itself, and so I have decided to run with it until it's either complete or the muse has enough.
As always, Honorcpt, thank you!
Chapter three
"Oh for the love of all that is holy." Jane muttered as she spied her mother through the spyhole in her front door, her forehead hitting the door with a light thud. Then Jane took a deep breath, before pulling it open, her shoulders slumping at the realization that her privacy was about to be invaded, whether she wanted it or not. "Just come right on in. No, really, make yourself at home." She said, sarcasm in full flow, as her mother once again brushed in past her, without uttering a word.
Angela sat down immediately on the sofa. "You and I are going to have a talk." She shook her head slightly as she spotted the used Kleenex that had accumulated in Jane's small waste bin that was to the one side of the sofa.
"Really? Never would have guessed! Great, this should be fun." Jane replied, her sarcasm still obvious as she also sat down, eyeing her mother carefully. "So, whaddaya wanna talk about Ma? How your daughter just won shittest person of the year award?"
"Less of your lip young lady. What are you going to do about Maura leaving!" Angela demanded.
"Nothing." Jane replied, her voice flat, although sounding raspier than usual, her eyes still red and puffy from all the crying she had done, and now her nose was tinged red, although not as badly as it might have been. She lightly pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to stave off the headache and sore sinuses that was starting to hit with a vengeance.
"Nothing?" Angela shook her head again, only harder this time. "Why nothing?"
"Cos Maura asked me to let her go, and I've already fucked things up, so I'm not about about to start messing it up even further by going against her wishes." Jane said, shooting her mother a look to try and convey that she wouldn't tolerate further questions on her decision. She sighed as Angela firmly ignored the silent pleas.
"She doesn't really mean it! You're going to be the only one who gonna be able to fix it. So get off your ass and go after her."
"Ma, I can't." Jane's voice faltered. "Even if I had the remotest idea of where she might be, which I don't by the way, I can't go after her. She said she loves me, and she needs time away."
"Well, of course she love you! What isn't there to not love about you."
"I don't mean in that way Ma. She loves love me. You know?" Jane shook her head quickly, rolling her eyes at the same time.
"Loves love you? What in the hell kinda crap is that?" Angela looked confused.
"She loves me, in more than I wanna be your best friend kinda way." Jane sighed, and took a deep breath. "She has fallen in love with me."
"O..." Angela's mouth snapped shut before she could formulate even saying 'Oh', looking shocked as the words finally began to sink in. She sat back on the sofa a little more, as her mind turned the new information over. "Do you love her?" Angela finally asked, one eyebrow cocked.
"What the hell? What kinda question is that to be asking me!"
"The kind I think is perfectly acceptable under the circumstances, which you can't deny is far more than usual right about now. So, do you love her?" Angela shot a look at Jane, to show she expected an honest answer within seconds of the question being fired from her mouth.
"No ..." Jane blew out a long breath before looking back at her mother. "Yes ... No … maybe? I don't know." Her forehead fixed in a frown.
"You either love someone or you don't. Seems kinda simple to me." Angela said with a shrug of her shoulders. "And if you think I might be upset, yeah I'll admit I'd find it weird, but I still love you and you could do a lot worse than Maura."
"Oh god." Jane groaned at her mother's words. "I so do not want to be having this conversation." before she hid her face in her hands.
"When else do you expect to be having this kind of conversation? It wasn't exactly the sort of conversation I thought I'd be having when I arrived either!" Angela said with a shake of her head. "'sides, you've gotta get going after Maura."
That was enough to bring Jane's head out of her hands, and another warning look was being sent to her mother. "No, it doesn't. I've already told you, I've messed up once, I do not intend to do it a second time. Besides, I've gotta be around for IAD and the FBI, so I can't just up and leave."
"I'll talk to Sean for you..."
"Sean!" Jane practically shouted, "Since when have you been calling my lieutenant by his first name." Seeing Angela about to reply, Jane put her hands up. "On second thoughts, don't answer that! I cannot go Ma! No going to talk to Cavanaugh, Constance or anyone else you might have running through that head of yours. Some things have to be left to run their course, and this is one of them."
"Do you love Maura?" Angela persisted with her question. "A simple yes or no."
"Yes." Jane said quietly, "But I still can't go after her." she said, her voice steadier than a few seconds earlier.
"Okay, I get that you've gotta stay while IAD and the Fed's are about, but after that Janie, you are going after Maura!" Angela put her hand up to stop Jane's protests before they began, rolling her eyes, mimicking Jane's expression from earlier. "No, you listen, and you listen good. I can see what you both mean to each other, before you even said about her loving you, and you loving her. What you have, it doesn't come along often, and you've gotta grasp it with both hands. I made the mistake of just letting your father and I go along in our little rut, instead of taking it by the scruff of the neck and fighting for it. Now, it's too late. Too much has gone on for us to mend our marriage. You..." Angela jabbed a finger in Jane's direction. "You on the other hand are only just at the start of your journey. So, as soon as you can - go - fight for your friendship if nothing else. Don't take no as an answer. You both deserve more than this. Also, go ask, explain and see if they can hold Maura's resignation request for a little while at least... see if you can't bring her home, where she should be, not some third world country. I'm not saying her work there wouldn't be important, but she's needed here. She needs it."
"I don't know Ma." This time, Jane sounded less sure of herself, and inwardly Angela patted herself on the back, knowing with time, and a little more persuasion, she'd be able to get Jane to fight for Maura's return.
"Look at it another way. How long are they likely to suspend you?" Angela began to push the buttons she knew would leave Jane with little or no argument to what she wanted to spring next.
"God I don't know. I'm on ten days as it is, but I reckon they'll throw more than that at me." Jane admitted with a shrug.
"So, it gives you something to do. What use otherwise are you going to be? You'll be climbing these four walls within a couple of days. When you know how long, you get off that backside and you go find Maura. If money is a problem, I know Constance will help."
"Ma!" Jane shook her head. "No, if I do this..." Seeing the look of triumph crossing Angela's face, Jane looked at her pointedly. "I repeat - If... If I decide to do this, I'm doing it on my own. No help. No handouts or charity. I do this for myself and no-one else, not even Constance."
"Sounds fair." Angela agreed, seeing the wheels already beginning to turn in Jane's mind. "But remember, you won't have money for a while if they suspend you without pay, and Constance will have contacts you could use when you need them..."
"If I need them Ma. Geez!" Jane jumped in, pursing her lips, looking exasperated. "If. What part of that word don't you understand?"
"Less of being a smart ass. I blame your father for your smart mouth. I'm still your mother and can still put you over my knee!" Angela stood up. "I'm going, and don't forget, Constance will help." and before Jane could protest any further, she had slipped through the door and was disappearing down the hallway.
"Detective, this way if you please." Jane rolled her eyes, and took a deep breath as she followed an FBI agent, who finally stopped and gestured she should enter an interview room, not unlike the one she had just left, having been reamed a new one by IAD, who were apparently seeking a month's suspension without pay. While she hated to admit it, having the union rep. in with her had helped matters. He had gone down the hallway to the right once they had exited the interview room, so Jane had peeled off to the left, and run slap bang in to the people she didn't want to face right now. She couldn't get the salacious grin the one IAD officer had worn all the way through her interview out of her mind. Ass wipe. God, luck wasn't on her side at the moment.
Once properly in the new interview room, Jane looked around, and saw there was going to be one other FBI agent with them, and that the recorder was also all ready set up, ready to go. She sat down at the chair being pulled out for her, not saying a word.
"Detective, if you wouldn't mind giving us your full name, rank and badge number for the record."
The voice was smarmy, and right at that moment Jane wanted nothing more than to knock his teeth down his throat. God what is with today and smug, officious bastards? Is a job requirement, or are they simply born that way? Jane wondered.
"Detective Jane Clementine Rizzoli, Homicide, Badge number Victor eight two five."
The agent who had already been in the room nodded, as his partner then identified himself, his voice still grating on Jane's nerves, causing her to fight down the instinct to say something at the very least. She knew she had nothing to worry about from this interview. She had done nothing that they could touch her for. However, the opening statement they made floored her.
"Agent Dean was acting under express orders not to pursue the matter of Patrick Doyle and was on assignment elsewhere, but had taken time off and come back to Boston without knowledge of his superiors. To do all he did, he must have had help, and since you've already admitted to having a sexual relationship with Agent Dean, as well as telling him that Patrick Doyle was around, I guess that means you."
Jane sat upright in her chair, hands slamming down on the table. "What? Now wait one god damn minute. Whatever Dean did, he did on his own. His own stupidity put him in that warehouse, getting shot at! I thought he..." Jane stopped as she put the sequence of events together in her head. "Oh shit, he didn't have backup... he came alone, which means..." Her eyes flashed between the two agents, who were looking on, expressions emotionless.
Why didn't I realize this until now. Jesus Jane, you are not on your game you freaking idiot. If Jane could have mentally slapped herself across the head at that moment she would have done. She schooled her features, and kept her internal dialogue firmly to herself, as she steadied her face and body movements needing to keep her head as straight as possible. "I had no idea Agent Dean was working without authorization. Nor did I know he was in fact working against express orders not to touch the case. I gave my statement of events to my lieutenant and to our IAD division, who I'm sure would give you copies, if you haven't got some already. Now, if that's all..." Jane stood up daring them to make her stay. She saw the one agent who had been sitting giving an almost imperceptible shake of his head to the other agent, which Jane recognized as being the signal to allow her to leave. She stormed out the room and headed straight to the ladies on the fourth floor. It was a quiet area of the precinct, really only used by the cleaning crews, who wouldn't be in for another few hours yet.
Once in the toilets, Jane quickly checked the stalls were empty, before rapidly punching one of the stall doors, both fists flying. "God damn you Dean!" Jane finally yelled as she fell away from the door that was now hanging precariously at an angle, before wincing, and walking over to the row of sinks, and turning on the cold water, she pushed her hands underneath, biting back the pain, as she watched the blood being rinsed away from her battered and bruised knuckles.
She felt the tears pricking the corner of her eyes as she thought of Maura, and how, if Jane were to go down to the morgue and present her hands in this state, Maura would grumble and complain, but with a gentleness, and a twinkle in her hazel colored eyes, would also clean Jane's hands up, use her own x-ray machine to check for any possible breaks, before putting some kind of dressing on the hands. Knowing that Jane didn't have that option, that Maura wasn't even in the same country, let alone the same building brought up the feeling of emptiness that until now, Jane had managed to keep in the deepest recesses of her soul. Suddenly, Jane felt the most exposed that she had ever done. Maura wasn't there, and without her, Jane's life was empty and meaningless.
"Jane." Constance sounded a looked slightly surprised as Jane hovered on the edge of Constance's room, hands clasped behind her back. Seeing Jane's hesitancy to come inside fully, Constance smiled. "Don't stand on ceremony, please come in and take a seat."
Jane let out a breath, before moving in and sitting on the hard plastic chair alongside her bed. Her mind immediately flashed back to how Maura spent time sitting here, watching over her mother while she... Jane shook her head, not wanting or able to allow her thoughts to go down that path.
Constance saw the flash of anguish cross Jane's face, and she felt sadness hitting her all over again. There was no doubt that Maura meant a great deal to Jane, and vice versa. Angela had been popping in on a regular basis to visit, and had admitted that Maura had confessed in her letter to Jane, to being in love with her, and Jane... being Jane, was fighting the truth, but had also admitted she felt the same way. Now, to see Jane looking so lost and defeated, it tugged at Constance's heart.
"I hear Ma's been coming in and keeping you company." Jane finally broke the silence, sending a trademark grin in Constance's direction. "I apologize... Hell I've been trying to avoid her for over thirty years now, and I still can't do it." She added with a laugh. "You're looking better than the last time..." Jane trailed off, knowing her words were taking her back to dangerous territory.
"Your mother is... interesting, and I admit, I have enjoyed her visits. We've become firm friends. She has also been kind enough to bring in home cooked food. While the Isles might have some clout in certain circles, even I'm unable to change the awful hospital food."
Jane, despite the situation couldn't help the laugh that erupted, "Slumming it with the rest of us huh? I recommend you try the jello though."
"Indeed, and I'll take the advice on trying the jello."
"When do you hope to be released?"
"I've been told in about four or five days. I'm going to stay at Maura's." Constance watched as again, Jane's face betrayed the pain even the mention of her daughters name brought. Constance moved a hand out, and Jane, seeing the movement and knowing what the gesture was for, brought one of her own hands up, and laced them together, for once not even considering her scars, needing the comfort from the one person who could bring her closer to Maura more. Constance noticed some fading bruising and grazes across the knuckles, but chose not to mention it. "I'm so sorry Maura's actions are causing such distress. If I had known..."
Jane swallowed thickly, "Maura isn't to blame. I... did some really stupid things, and she has every right to be angry with me. If I'm being honest, I've not been on my best behavior towards Maura for a little while now. I have no excuse for it all, other than I wish I could turn the clock back."
"I hear they put you on a six week suspension. Do you plan to try and find Maura?" Constance's question was soft, and as she asked, Constance ran her thumb lightly across Jane's knuckles, deliberately avoiding the worst damaged areas in a gesture she hoped would help keep Jane calm enough to answer.
Jane blew out a long breath. "I want to, but I don't think it'll be a good idea, I don't want to alienate her further. Besides I wouldn't even have a clue where to begin looking. This is her world, not mine. Sure, as a detective, I've got some ways to do checks, but it isn't as extensive or as easy as it's made out to be on the cop shows you see on everywhere these days."
"Allow me to help then." Constance insisted, "As you say, this is her world, so, it's also mine. I can do some asking around without causing any ripples. You can then take the decision to use any information I've able to glean as you wish. You can either ignore it, or you could follow your heart and find Maura. Explain to her how you feel, be honest about what you've done wrong, and what you want to do, and if I know my daughter at all, she will listen. She might not to begin with, but if I trust anyone to be persistent, it's you detective. You don't strike me as the kind of person to give up, on any cause. Besides, I would feel a lot better as her mother knowing where she is and what she is doing. Finding out that much is also for my own benefit. I suspect Maura would anticipate me tracking her movements, and I also suspect she won't try to hide too much, leaving enough breadcrumbs for me to follow."
"Do you know where she might be?" Jane questioned.
"I would imagine it will be somewhere around Africa. Southern Sudan is currently in a state of war, and it's the sort of location where Médecins Sans Frontières will be."
"Great, snakes." Jane murmured with a slight shudder. Constance smiled at the reaction.
"Actually, the biggest risk is a lot smaller; the mosquitoes, carrying the malaria virus. If you plan to do this Jane, you will need to prepare in advance. Quinine or similar antimalarial medications would need to be taken at least two weeks before any planned travel to a mosquito location plus continued medication once there, and for a time on your return, then there are the required shots."
Jane's face paled slightly. "Really? Shots?" She finally stammered, her grip on Constance's hand unwittingly tightening.
"For things like yellow fever, also mosquito borne. You would need vaccination, again in advance of the date you might travel. I believe ten days in advance is the recommended time. Plus there are numerous other vaccinations that are recommended. So yes Jane, you would need shots." Constance couldn't keep the slight trace of humor she was feeling out of her voice, noticing how Jane was not at all happy with the idea of vaccinations. The big tough, rough detective doesn't like injections was the thought, and she somehow found it amusing, but also rather sweet that Jane was even contemplating it all, just to go after Maura. If I didn't have confirmation over how she feels about my daughter, and her protectiveness over her, I certainly do now. Constance didn't voice the thought, but smiled at Jane, who was looking back her wide eyed.
"Oh crap."
A/N - I have edited this. When I first wrote it, all those months ago - it was not known what either Jane or Maura's middle names were. Usually I wouldn't bother editing - however, I realized I had used Dorothea as Jane's middle name - and since we found out that was Maura's middle name - I changed it! Too much confusion otherwise. So if you wondered - It was just pure coincidence and not a mistake or mix up on the names.