Chapter 3
The Arctic werebears were gaining on Samus.
Samus rolled and jumped from one ice floe to the next, narrowly dodging the maneuvers of the rabid orcas and radioactive leopard seals breaking through the surface of the ocean. She unsheathed a laser sword from her arm cannon to parry their lunges. It flashed, illuminating the entire night sky with a thousand different shades of lime green that made her enemies foam at the mouth whilst seizing, with every successful block.
In the midst of one such flash, she saw a message capsule dropping from out of the blanket of clouds, which she leapt for and clasp't in her grasp. The message read as follows:
"Samus. This is suttin' I've wanted ta rap fo' all mah game. Yes, includin dat wack time I dropped not knowin yo thugged-out ass. Even if all of tha stars up in tha galaxy is impaled upon tha Vampire Confederacy's dinosaur poles, I just want you ta know dat it's truly been a honor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Glory up in steez ta yo thugged-out ass.
~Commander Adam Malkovich, of tha Galactic Federation Army"
A single black tear of what would be nostalgic pleasure, if she were capable of experiencing human emotion, streamed Samus's face as she backhanded a werebear into the sky. It landed at the vacation spot of Rundas, Anthony Higgs, and Armstrong Houston, who were partially devoured but kept alive long enough to become bear creatures of the night. Armstrong Houston's family never received any monetary compensation, though, as they were tightasses who had refused to add werebear insurance to their coverage plans.