Don't own H.P. Enjoy~~

Chapter 5: Picking up the Pieces

I awoke in a panic. Flashes of horrible memories filtered through my mind. Old or new it didn't seem to matter; they all decided to remind me of their presence. I swallowed down the sobs trying to escape, I wouldn't break down. Breathing heavily I laid as still as I could, silently begging my body not to react in a violent way. After a couple of minutes of trying not to let out any emotions that I couldn't deal with, I slowly got up.

It had been a week since I was released from St. Mungo's and I had been staying at the Burrow with Harry and the Weasley's. A week filled with funerals and thoughts of what to do now that we weren't being hunted by a mad man. Fred's funeral had been by far the hardest of them all. I could still picture that hallow look in George's eyes. All the Weasley's were devastated; family is the number one thing to them, to lose someone was heartbreaking.

I sighed softly, mindful of the youngest Weasley sleeping in the bed next to me. War was a horrible event. It was nothing but a violent act that spilled nothing but blood. Blood that brought tears tied to overwhelming sadness and despair. War left scars, deep jagged scars, on the people it affected both physically and emotionally.

I got up, slowly getting dressed. Not even thinking about my dental hygiene I passed the bathroom and quietly walked down stairs. The clock I passed read 4:13. It didn't surprise me; I could barely sleep for five hours without waking up from nightmare or just restlessness. I slipped out the door; the smell of the morning dew assaulted my nose. I stood for a moment breathing it in like a starved dog, before continuing to walk further away from the Burrow. Once I was far enough away I Apparated.

I landed on a hill near Hogwarts. I stood looking out, staring at the brutally scared Hogwarts. Not only did war leave scars on the people or beings participating in it, it left scars on the land. We would repair the damage done to this truly magical school but deep down those who saw what was done to this land would know. They would know it wasn't the same as before, they would know that this place is one giant scar on the world.

I walked down toward the damaged castle. As I got closer I could feel the magic left over from the battle hanging in the air like a dead weight. It was everywhere, my hair frizzed up the closer I got.

Finally I stopped in the outdoor court yard, the place where the final duel between Harry and Voldemort took place. Closing my eyes I stood, feeling the magic that seemed to pulse around me. Breathing deeply, the magic seemed to pulse faster. It felt like it was reaching out itching to touch me. Almost unaware I let free one memory, his clam soothing voice surrounding me.

"Wands and spells are only the first level, kid. Magic goes so much deeper, has so many more levels. Levels that contain things you could hardly imagine. That's why you have to think outside of your imagination."

Snapping my eyes open, I pushed the memory back to its cage. Sighing I looked back to the castle. Today was the beginning of the castle repairs. Volunteers would come and help fix the castle up and then start to clean it up. Professor, well Headmistress now I assumed, McGonagall wanted to be able to open the school on time for next year. I smiled, if there was ever one thing that didn't change it was McGonagall's deep caring for this school and its students. Yes, Hogwarts would be fine. It would be fixed and then the next generation of witches and wizards would make new memories here.

I could see it playing in front of me, brand new first years discovering the rare and beautiful magic that Hogwarts contains. Children learning, laughing, making friends and even falling in love, that's why we fought, why we sacrificed and why we died. We fought so that future generations would be able to live their lives freely.

Hearing voices coming I let my train of thoughts go, turning toward the doors of the castle just as Headmistress McGonagall, Professor Flitwick and Kingsley walked out. Kingsley noticed me first, raising his arm and making a come here motion. Nodding slightly I walked over to them. "Good morning Miss Granger." Kingsley smiled brightly, looking like a kid in a candy shop. I was taken aback by his seemingly joyful attitude. I smiled hesitantly back before look to Headmistress McGonagall who rolled her eyes before answering my unasked question.

"Kingsley has been made the new Minster. As you can see from his chipper mood he is quite happy with his new job." I blinked, then grinned looking to Kingsley.

"Congratulations Kingsley, or should I call you Minster now?" I asked truly happy that the new Minster of Magic was someone who wasn't a complete moron or a bigoted Pureblood. Professor Flitwick laughed and Headmistress McGonagall sighed.

"Don't encourage him, Miss Gra-," She stopped in the middle of my name before giving me a small smile, "Hermione, don't encourage him he's already got too much of a big head." Kinsley gave her a mock offended look and Professor Flitwick laughed harder then he already was. I smiled at the three, feeling my heart swelling at Headmistress McGonagall's use of my first name, knowing it meant she was giving me permission to use her first name also. The two men continued to laugh for a few minutes before finally calming down. Kinsley looked at me and smiled before putting on a more serious face.

"I really plan on changing things. I will make sure that all Muggleborn's are treated equally. Any laws that say otherwise will be the first to go. I plan on redoing everything, including choosing new members of Wizengamot and department heads that will not be so easily corrupted." I looked at him, really looked. The way he stood straighter, the way he seemed to radiate confidence and the look in his eyes. I could tell he truly wanted to change things, he understood that winning the war against Voldemort and his Death Eaters was only the beginning. There was so much more fighting to do and he was one of the ones willing to stand up and make sure there would not be another war.

I smiled; it was filled with understanding and praise and outlined with sadness. He nodded softly, returning the smile. "Well Hermione I think as the new Minster of Magic I am allowed to offer you any job that you want within the Ministry. Any department would be delighted to have the brightest witch of her age working there." My eyebrows shot up and mouth practically dropped to the ground. I was shell shocked; he was offering me any job that I wanted. Possibilities flashed through my mind. All the things I could do to help change the magical world started to accumulate in my mind, drawing up plans and making connections.

Somewhere in the distance I could hear Minerva's say," See what you've done Kingsley! She's gone into shock. You could have at least done it with a bit of subtly." Her voice caused my mind to snap back to reality. Kinsley was grinning like a fool not really caring for Minerva's words and Professor Flitwick was laughing again.

I blinked slowly, before turning my eyes on the half ruined castle next to us. I could feel my magic reaching out to the magic around me as if tiny little hands where reaching out to another. Grasping each other and pulling, a tiny game of tug of war, the winner gaining a little bit of magic to add to itself. I took a deep breath, my mind already knowing the answer to Kingsley's offer.

Grinning at Minerva, who raised her eyebrow in response, I offered Kinsley my answer," I appreciate the offer Kinsley, its elating to know just how much of an opportunity it is but," Kingsley shook his head and gave me a small grin as if he knew all along what my answer would be," I would like to finish my last year here at Hogwarts before I accept any job offers. Of course if it is all right with you Minerva?"

"Of course my dear, I would be happy to let you come back to finish your finally year. I'm planning to extend the offer to repeat the year to anyone who missed this year or feels like they aren't ready to move to the next year." I nodded agreeing with her sentiment. This was just another problem caused by the war. The group seemed to share a moment of silence. I could feel the solemn atmosphere settling in as our different thoughts flew around.

The sound of voices drew the group out of the trance we were in. Turning toward the sounds I could see the multiple volunteers who were going to help with the castles reconstruction, Harry and the Weasley's where among them, as where Luna, Neville, Remus and Tonks. "Well it seems that your construction crew has arrived Minerva. As much as I would love to help, I have much to do if I want to get the Ministry up and running before next month." Kinsley took Minerva's hand, shaking it.

"Yes, Yes go on do whatever it is you have to do. We'll be doing the same here."

Kinsley grinned, "If you need anything please don't hesitate to send a Patronus or Owl." Minerva nodded. Kinsley shook Professor Flitwick's hand and then offered it to me. Grabbing his hand I squeezed it softly, he returned the gesture. "Hermione I hope to see you sometime in the future and please feel free to owl me. It doesn't have to professional either; I have enjoyed your company and hope we can be friends."

Laughing lightly I said, "Of course Kinsley, good luck with the Ministry." Nodding he took a step back and Apparated.

"Hermione!" Harry's voice carried itself into my ears. I turned to see him jogging over. I sighed on the inside, knowing that I would have to converse with more than just Minerva and Kinsley today. I didn't know how much longer I could avoid certain conversations with certain people.

•••

I stared at the pile of ruins before me. Ginny and Harry were discussing how to start the long process of fixing the Astronomy Tower behind me. Ron was standing off to the side staring intently at me. I would rather be in any other group then this one. After avoiding Ron and the impending argument that would come with it my luck had run out. He wouldn't care that Harry and Ginny were with us, in fact he probably welcomed their presence. He would think they would love to watch our epic romance.

I gripped my wand tighter.

This conversation would not end well, that was obvious. It was how bad it could get that frightened me. Ron had a temper and it was what he did with that temper that hurt people. Plus he was a Weasley, they protect their own. Although it wasn't as if I was trying to hurt Ron on purpose. It would hurt much more if we got together now only to have a nasty break up when I could not take lying any more. I truly had no idea how the rest of the Weasley's would react. It could go either way.

I couldn't live another lie though. I have far too many that I am already living. This is one case I need and want to tell the truth about. For Ron's sake and my own.

"Hermione." Harry's voice pulled me out of my musing. I turned around to see the three of them staring at me in mild concern. "You ok? We've been trying to get your attention for a while now." Harry stepped closer grabbing my hand and squeezing it lightly before letting it go.

"Really, are you sure you're ok 'Mione?" Ron had real concern in his eyes, which only made me feel worse.

Nodding I tried to reassure them. "I'm fine. I just got lost in my thoughts. We should get to work in we want to make a dent in all this rubble." Ginny seemed to grasp that I did not want to elaborate on my thoughts and took over.

"Well you heard the girl, let's get to work. This tower ain't going to fix itself." Ginny said taking charge of the situation. She grabbed Ron and Harrys arms and pulled them over to the half destroyed base of the tower. The three began casting the spells that Minerva told us to use. Rubble on the ground nearby slowing started to float in place. There were still some holes in some places, we would have to use the new stone that Minerva said was on its way to fill them. It was special stone that would reinforce the tower. It was also supposed to be more durable and less likely to be damaged by magic.

I followed their lead and started to cast the spells required. We worked in silence, except for when we spoke aloud the spells we cast. I stopped when I noticed more and more holes where being left. "Stop Guys." The three of them paused and came in closer to where I was standing. "We need the new stone. There are too many holes. The tower will just fall apart again if we continue any more than this." Harry and Ginny looked at the tower and nodded.

"Then how about me and Harry go and see if the stone McGonagall ordered has come yet." Ginny grabbed Harry's hand and began pulling him away before I could form a response. Soon Ron and I were left alone. I cursed Ginny and her newly found matching making hobby.

"Well they got that covered. Guess we get a break until they get back huh?" Ron grinned and walked over to a ledge and sat down, gesturing for me to join him. I let out a nervous breath and sat down next to him. We sat for a moment in silence and I could feel the tension begin to build up.

My stomach clenched uncomfortably. My hands griped my wand- no Bellatrix's wand now that I thought of it. Ron glanced down at it frowning slightly. "How come you're still using that horrid thing? I'm sure we could find another one for you to use." I could hear his unspoken question of 'How could you use a wand that had caused so much death and destruction?'. He was the first one who had really asked me about it.

I stared down at the wand in my hand. It never really caused me any trouble, even before killing Bellatrix. I never told anyone though and didn't plan on telling Ron. "I really don't know, part of me feels like I should keep it and another feels like I should throw it in the fire." Ron nodded like he understood, he didn't. Silence flowed back into the air as the subject was dropped.

I glanced at Ron noticing the tips of his ears turning red. His right hand started to tap on his thigh. I swallowed knowing he was about to begin the conversation that I so desperately wanted to avoid. "Ok. I'm just going to come out and say it. I mean after all we've been through this should be nothing and we deserve some happiness." His face was set in determination and an air of confidence surrounded him. Pressure built behind my eyes and my heart felt like it was being squeezed of blood.

Ron continued on, unaware of my growing panic and guilt. "I like you, really like you. I know you have feelings for me too. So we should stop beating around the bush and just be together." He looked at me smiling, hopeful. He reached for my hand and suddenly I couldn't take it. I shot up and increased the distance between us.

"No." My voice was scratchy and full of emotion. "No." I repeated. My hands started to shake and my muscles began to tighten around by bones. I looked up at Ron's face, it was red and flushed. His eyes filled with confusion.

"What? What do you mean NO?" He stood, standing across from me, the gap between us spoke loudly of the emotions going through me.

I took a calming breath before answering, "I don't-can't." My tongue felt swollen, the words where being blocked. His face flushed a shade of angry and hurt red. I tried speaking again, hoping I could get out what I was trying to say. "I can't Ron. I might have felt something for you at some point but not anymore. My feelings for you weren't that strong to begin with and after everything that happened this year they aren't worth us trying to make something out of them."

Ron's hands closed into fists and his eyes narrowed. "What the hell does that mean? None of that matters. I like you and you have feeling for me, Hermione! That's all that matters."

"No Ron. I only like you as a brother. Nothing more. I do not want to be with you that way. Please understand." His face was anything but understanding. I knew he wouldn't understand, at least not with his anger and hurt clouding his mind.

He struggled with speaking for a few seconds and I knew he was trying to think of something to say that would convince me I was wrong. "We belong together Hermione. Everyone thinks that we belong together. I understand you more than anyone else does."

"I could care less of what people want me to do or be. I'm my own person Ronald. You nor anyone else can tell me what I should or should not do. Plus you know nothing about me except what I have told you. You have never asked me anything about my life before Hogwarts or anything remotely personal." My voice had raised and became more agitated as I went on.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. Deep down I knew he was just hurting and lashing out but he was going too far. Even if he was hurt he should still care enough not to be a total ass. It seemed like what I was trying to say finally set in to his mind for he looked defeated. Angry and hurt but also defeated. After a few moment he looked up from where he was staring a hole in the ground. "Why? I mean, just why?" His voice was expressing his heartbreak. I swallowed down my emotions, knowing this wasn't the time to cry.

"It just isn't meant to be Ron. You have to accept that. One day you will find someone who is better for you than me, I know it." He seemed to accept what I was trying to tell him but a moment later he looked up, eyes filled with defiance. I briefly shut my eyes, knowing that he would not accept my answer at the moment.

"I love you, Hermione. I know you love me too. We're meant to be together, I won't stop telling you until you accept, my feelings and yours." Ron said this with so much conviction that I knew it would be a while until he really accepted the situation.

"Fine", I replied, finished with the conversation,"I am going to go help a different group." I was walking away before he could reply. I heard him stutter angrily as I turned a corner.

I knew he wouldn't understand or like my answer. Ron would need time, just like he always did when it came to accepting certain things. Hopefully he would come around. I didn't love him in the way he wanted me too but he was still like a brother to me and losing him for good would hurt.