Chapter Four. I do not own anything more than the smut (:

And of course, a thank you to my darling beta, The-Missing-Paige :3

Narcissa has gone back to Malfoy manor. I think she genuinely wants to be with him.

"We cannot coexist forever."

My thoughts race. And scream her name.

"Narcissa."

I want to apparate to her door. Pull her hair. Kiss her. I want to claim every inch of her body as my own. I want to feel her under me. I want her to say my name.

But he's probably there.

Lucius.

He is her happy ever after.

But she is all I think about. In the shower I imagine her hands on me. I imagine them making their way in between my legs. Pulling them apart. I imagine her tasting me.

And in the minutes it takes me to climax, the fantasies are over.

She and I are over.

And the hollowness of my childhood home all but breaks me yet again.

She writes sometimes. Her last owl said she and Lucius were discussing baby names, and she hopes to get pregnant soon. If it's a boy they'll name him Draco. And if it's a girl they'll name her Bella. I'll be the child's namesake.

Only...I don't want to be. Because I know that once that child is born, I will have finally lost my Cissy. Our time together will be nothing more than memories locked away in the same box that our parents are.

In the part best forgotten.

Our childhood traumas are what held us together. What I did to Cissy as a child, I learned from my mother. The way I touched her. The way I felt...all learned behavior. Learned urges and emotions.

I remember how it all began.

My mother hadn't come to my room in weeks.

I walked in to Narcissa's room to ask her if she wanted to head down to the lake with me. She yelped as I opened the door.

"Bloody fucking hell Bellatrix! Don't you ever knock?"

I looked her way, both bemused and amused at the same time. I walked towards where she lied on her bed. Her pale skin was flushed, and glistened with a layer of sweat.

"For fucks sake Cissy. Were you touching yourself?" I was shocked.

And she was, very obviously embarrassed.

"Oh go to hell. I was only seeing what the fuss was about."

I felt myself getting aroused as I sat down next to where she lied. "Did you orgasm yet?"

I'll never forget her perplexed expression. She was so innocent back then. "For Merlin's sake, Cissy. You don't even know why you were doing it then?"

She shook her head. And I moved closer. I pulled the cover off of her. And for the first time since she was a toddler, I saw her fully naked. Her breasts were larger than mine were at her age. She was much more developed than even Andromeda, who is two years her senior.

"Let me show you then."

I circled my finger over her nipple, and trailed it to the valley in between her breasts, resting it there briefly. Feeling her heart beat.

My finger made its way down her torso. I literally ached to be touch, but I was more interested in doing the touching. Seeing the way her body responded. My mother never let me touch her. In the beginning she had even bound my hands. But Narcissa was uncharted territory.

I decided the rules.

"Bella, it-it's okay. I don't really want to do it." She was always a dreadful liar.

I rubbed her. She bit her lip. I smirked.

"You don't like how it feels?"

"N-no, it's not that. I-oh gods." Her porcelain skin was crimson. Her breathing, ragged. "I don't know what's going on. I feel weird." She breathed.

"Just go with the feeling, okay?" She nodded. Her trust was unconditional.

I applied more pressure and quickened my pace. Her body responded naturally, and moved according to my fingers. She let out half suppressed moans, and short rapid breaths.

"Bella...I think...mmm, fuck!" She jerked up as I catapulted her into her first orgasm. Wrapping her arms around me as she slumped forward.

"Next time you want to 'see what the fuss is about' let me know, yeah? I'll help you out."

She nodded, still catching her breath.

Andromeda later admitted to hearing the whole thing through the door. That was her first time getting off too, and later that night well after our mother passed out from a combination of firewhiskey and our father's abuse, she went to Cissy's room too. That was the first night Narcissa really shone. She was the one moonbeam, the only bit of light to make it through the Black.

...

But here it is. Years later. Narcissa is no longer innocent. Andromeda is no longer a part of my life and I've never felt so smothered by this emptiness.

"Incendio." A small flame produces from the tip of my wand. The memories I've recounted hurt more than any physical pain ever could. I press my wand to wrist and hold my breath as I watch my skin burn. If I can't feel her, feeling what she feels might be a close substitute.

Pain.

We were born into it. We live it.

Narcissa may be happy now, but pain is our fate.

Our destiny.

She will die hurting.

Just like me.