Title: Ardor Animorum

Author: AristideCauquemaire

Pairing: Scorpius Malfoy/James Sirius Potter

Rating: M for grown-up language and sexual situations and themes.

Warnings: original characters; slash, non-consensual situations

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Hey hlodi :) Thanks for stalking me and this story!

zoe: Scorpius can't forget the phrase, either, even though it's not quite certain James actually ever said it ^^; Nothing more vicious than self-made rejection coupled with hurt pride, I suppose. Thank you for reading, and for your review! I hope you'll enjoy the remaining four chapters as well!

FlowerSpaceship! Thanks for your reviews, my darling! Aaah! (-yelp of joy-)
Re:Review Stars - I have to tell you, your review made me grin so much my face hurt. "Perfect amount of smut" is the highest praise I think I'll ever receive, like, this is it - my life has peaked. Who would have thought that my stupid stories would elicit such strong emotions? xD (Actually, except for the last Astoria/Draco dialogue in Calais, I hated Daphne most. She's been the mastermind of the whole thing, she talked her sister into actually breaking her own family apart and persuaded her again when she was having second thoughts, and she was prepared to talk Draco into it, sweet smiles and fake concern and all, even using her own daughter to distract him. Astoria would never have dared to go through with it without her constant support. Layla comes in second on the most-hated-chart (for hopefully obvious reasons), leaving Astoria only in third place. Huh, if I didn't know better, I'd say I have a problem with female characters or women in general... Also: Yeah, Harry in Auror-mode is pretty much my personal epitome of badassdom. Raw power (dude practically killed Voldemort with an Expelliarmus, like, are you kidding me?), authority, and that uniform... hnngh.) Anyway, I'm so sorry for making you suffer like that - then again, it was my pleasure ;P Thank you for sticking with it despite the hardship! P.S.: The epilogue wasn't enough of a glimpse into the future for you...? I thought I had pretty much all bases covered. Well, uhm. What else did you have in mind?

Re: Review Ardor- Yeah, the twisted logic was entirely intended. As you could see, Scorpius took it real personal because of course he would. I'm just glad the variation/base thing apparently didn't cause confusion since I pretty much made that up.
Can you imagine Mariella's reaction if Scorpius were to tell her what's going on? She'd be SO furious with him. Firstly, how dare he let his Slytherin honour be tainted like this - like, no self-respecting Slytherin would ever willingly become a frigging house-elf, not to mention a frigging Malfoy like himself, not to mention for a frigging Ex-Gryffindor!? He should earlier be a frigging man and face the consequences of his actions. And secondly - how dare he whine about this now?! He totally brought it on himself!? Getting a taste of his own medicine and all...! But I see your point :) If only Coco were a bit more realistic and reasonable (I wouldn't have anything to write about and/or my fics would be short and boring as f...).
Oh, I know all about the wretchedness of getting hooked on forever unfinished stories. So I've made a vow to always finish my stuff entirely before posting it anywhere. I'm posting it bit by bit so that a) people actually see it (on the update page - I once uploaded my first story all in one go, hardly anyone read it. I was kinda sad, although I should be happy because the story isn't exactly the cat's pajamas), b) my borderline-ingenious cliffhanger chapter breaks aren't entirely wasted (just kidding) and c) I can do stuff like... this here. Talk to you. I'd be so sad if I couldn't.
As for the Big Talk... your prognosis is alarmingly spot-on, really. Better go read it now.

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This one is the shortest chapter ever... but very dense, content- and drama-wise, so I'd hope it balances out...?

Anyway, let's descent into the bottomless pit of hurt feelings, inrequited love and teenage insecurity. Remember, the only way out is through - stay strong with me!

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Chapter 8

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"Mordred and Morgane," Potter murmured through clenched teeth. He turned around, pointedly turned his back and bowed more deeply over the cauldron than was necessary or advisable. "I'm not talking to you like this."

"Oh, you know what, you don't have to talk. You've said so much already just now," Scorpius said, his voice light and sharp with sarcasm. "I'm just here, thinking out loud."

He let a few heavy, quickened heartbeats go by, waiting for Potter to tell him off more sternly, or forbid him to talk at all, or send him away altogether. He didn't do any of these things. Scorpius briefly wondered why.

"When I confronted Sarah, shortly after she'd broken up with me, she told me that I've, quote, 'ruined everything'." He spoke to himself and to the ginger root he was peeling now that the onion was finished. "I never really figured out what she meant by that before."

Scorpius scooped the ginger peel up, put it into a hot bath to draw out the essence, and wondered what he was saying. His mouth was moving as if controlled by the roiling feelings in his chest, bypassing his brain.

"Mariella told me, way, way later, that your relationship wasn't peachy from the get-go for some reason. Which was puzzling because, as far as I knew, you were everything Sarah ever wanted."

He stirred slowly, meditatively, and the flakes of ginger swirled in the gently fizzing water. "And you looked really happy to me anyway, fused together at the hip and all..." He remembered suffering through that Quidditch game. "I guess it's all about appearances, after all."

Potter didn't object. Maybe he was too absorbed by his task.

"I can only guess that your problems probably had to do with Sarah's, uhm, personality," Scorpius continued. "She's a demanding kind of person, in... in every respect."

He sneaked a glance at James. His shoulders seemed more tense than before, but other than that, there was no reaction.

"She was disappointed, wasn't she?" he asked. "In you, I mean? Physically? That's what you were scared she had told me, that day in the library, when you stormed out. It frustrated her so much that she dumped you after a few weeks."

"She didn't-" Potter began, then swore under his breath, something about losing count. He removed the stirring spoon from his cauldron and started mincing some more mandrake leaves to start the induction process over again.

Scorpius remembered hearing about the break-up after the Christmas holidays. He recalled Shrew and Prince spreading ridiculous rumours about how Sarah had made approaches to Albus Potter during Christmas dinner. Then again, in every rumour there was a grain of truth, so Sarah and James probably had, in fact, ended it at the Potters' house. Scorpius imagined Sarah sleeping over, slipping under James' covers at night – and then being turned away.

Maybe that had been his appeal to her, really. The 'persistent virginity', the reservedness. The way that he didn't let his pants be charmed off by every girl – maybe Sarah had dreamt of the challenge. And then was hurt in her pride when she couldn't conquer him either.

'I'm not mean. I'm just honest.'

"So you dumped her, or you broke it off by mutual agreement, fair enough," Scorpius shrugged. "But anyway, you ended it because of... carnal differences."

Potter chopped those leaves into oblivion with iron determination.

"And when you said to me that I was 'more her type anyway', you meant that... I could sate her needs while you couldn't. Or wouldn't." Or both. "Because I had spoilt her, before, she was used to what she had got from me. But now she couldn't get it from you. She probably even held exactly that against you, didn't she? That I never made such a fuss about it."

Scorpius wondered, with an odd fluttering feeling in his stomach, whether that meant that James Potter was still... untouched, so to speak. It seemed very plausible that he had been when he had begun his short relationship with Sarah – but since then, much time had passed. There had been three long months of holidays in which all sorts of things could have happened.

"I always wondered why you even got together with Halberman in the first place. The first time, I mean," he went on, meanwhile cubing some shrivelfigs very neatly and swiping them into a bowl.

A memory of a birthday suddenly resurfaced – his twelfth or maybe thirteenth. He remembered handing Mariella a glass of peach juice, one with a blue little umbrella in it, and then kissing her on the mouth. He'd really only done it because Shrew's older cousin Constantine, whom his parents had more or less told him to invite, and the girlfriend he'd brought along – Jennifer? Janine? Judith? - had done nothing but gnawing at each other's face the whole afternoon every time the adults in attendance turned their heads. He remembered that kissing Mariella had been spectacularly unspectacular. Like kissing one's own knuckles.

Now he wondered whether Potter had felt like that with Sarah. Just that, unlike he and Mariella who had never done that again because once had been underwhelming enough, Potter had kept it going. Waiting, maybe? For the spark? Hoping for the next kiss to be better? Or the next? Or the one after that? Until he couldn't pretend any more and broke up with her.

But then, something had happened, and suddenly he had been willing to try again, start over with her.

Scorpius hesitated for a long moment before saying, "And the second time, it was only because she said she'd been, you know, me, wasn't it?"

There was something about this question that burned on his tongue. He stopped poking at the ginger in the kettle and looked up.

"You were convinced that the person in the trophy room was her, and so you thought that you and her were compatible after all, after you started to enjoy-"

"Get me more petroleum jelly," Potter said loudly. With a furious downward stabbing motion and a bang he stuck the mincing knife into the chopping board. It made everything on the table jump, including the almost brimful bottle of petroleum jelly that stood right there. When he started leafing through the endless parchment, Scorpius saw how agitated his movements were.

"You also never really loved her, did you? Just like me," Scorpius asked quietly, to his own surprise and almost horrified at his own words. The truth could be simple and ugly sometimes. "You just wanted to be with someone that way, but it didn't work out with her at the start, just like it didn't work out with whoever you tried it before. You didn't... connect." Kissing your own knuckles over and over. He paused. "But then you wanted to try again because you did make the connection with-"

"Malfoy, I need more petroleum jelly," he said with a slight tremor in his voice. "Get me some from the ingredients closet downstairs. Immediately."

Never in his life had he felt this overwhelmingly that he owed an apology. He couldn't even say for what exactly. Nothing he had said had been intrinsically insulting. And, certainly, none of it had been new to Potter, so it couldn't have been shocking, either. It was just a feeling that he had just ruthlessly, tactlessly unearthed something about James Potter that he had dearly wanted to keep unmentioned and unspoken forever.

Once, he had wanted to make him hurt. And he had succeeded, although he wasn't sure how he had accomplished it. All he knew was that it also hurt himself.

At the same time he felt that he understood him a little bit now. Just a little. It made him a little glad.

He wondered where the perfect demigod had gone that he had once imagined Potter to be. If anything, Potter was more messed up than he was.

And still, Potter was who he wanted to be like. Who he wanted to be with. Isn't that just absurd.

He sighed and, with a little rebellion in his voice, said "Yes, Master." With measured step, he walked down the narrow staircase for the second time today.

Halfway down, he thought he could hear Potter mumble angrily, "Don't call me that."

The rest of the brewing session they didn't exchange a word.

/TBC

Rock bottom has been breached. Things can really only get better from here, really.
(Or can they...?)

Reviews, comments, hate mail - I'm be grateful for everything*!
* Just a figure of speech. Please don't send me dick pics.