Remus was seething; he couldn't remember the last time he was so mad. Well, actually, he could, and how fitting that Sirius Black had been the cause of both. It was always Sirius. He wasn't even sure if he was even remotely as mad about the actual occurrence so much as he was that it was Sirius. It. Was. Always. Sirius. It always had been, always would be the connivingly gorgeous prankster who caused him his true troubles. Normally he couldn't stay mad at him for very long, but this time he was determined; this time was different. This time it was about feelings, about something more than a detention. Just because Sirius was comfortable toying with the emotions of the female population it did not mean Remus would let him get used to playing with his. Everything was a plaything to Sirius-everything could be made funny-and Remus was determined not to become one again. Not like last year.
No, this time, if Remus had any say in the matter-and he was going to make sure he did- he and Sirius would not be on good terms until Easter, if then. Sirius had to stop causing him such serious problems, and he swore, if any little part of his brain laughed at the unintentional pun, he would jam his wand in his ear and bore out the traitorous node himself.
But just because Sirius was being punished didn't mean James and Peter needed to be as well. Yes, Remus was a bottomless pit of rage on the inside, but on the outside he was just as calm and reserved as usual. The only telling change was that he sat next to Pete at lunch and dinner instead of taking his usual seat next to Sirius. But James and Peter were far too hungover to notice, much less care. No, his strategy would be to just ignore Sirius completely over the break, and that would be all the wrath he would suffer; Remus was feeling rather charitable despite it all.
Though, he must say, he hadn't even begun yet and it already seemed to be working. Sirius sat across from him looking retrospective and morose. He was the picture of a repentant sinner, not only sorry he got caught, but sorry in all contexts of the word. According to James, he had been moping about on the grounds all day and he certainly looked it. There were mud and grass stains all over his trousers, and his hair was wild and wind tossed, with a few leaves and grass blades nestled in the now thoroughly tangled locks. For the boy who usually spent more time fixing his hair than the other three combined, it was quite surprising indeed.
Remus didn't believe it for a second.
It was obviously an elaborate act, designed to elicit sympathy from Remus so he could be made the butt of another private joke. Sirius had already played the confused, love-struck puppy once already, and Remus sure as hell wasn't falling for the beaten and pathetic lovesick puppy act either.
Sirius seemed to be paying is friends no attention as he sat there, picking at his food. Before they even reached the main course, he excused himself before trudging sullenly out of the Great Hall. Peter, who had perked up considerably with well prepared food in his stomach, piped up through a mouthful of chicken, "What's up with him?", pointing vaguely after Sirius with the chicken leg in his hand. Remus shrugged, "Dunno, but I do hope he snaps out of it. I can't have him moping about in the dorm all depressed if I'm to be working on that arithmancy essay." Peter glanced at him briefly, obviously puzzled by the sudden disappearance of his friend's normally caring nature, before shrugging and returning to his food.
James, who was currently half laying on the table, his head pillowed in the crook of his elbow, muttered, "he's probably depressed about those no good gits of ex-family members. It is the holidays after all. I don't know why he doesn't just come home with me over the holidays instead of..." After that it was unintelligible and the other two resumed eating in silence.
When dinner had ended and James had been prodded out of his stupor, they headed up to a much similar sight as the night before. Sirius was apparently in bed, his curtains drawn shut. Peter and Remus were somewhat supporting a sleepy James, once again guiding him roughly to his bed. Peter vowed loudly to never let James near a bottle of Firewhiskey again, and they all settled into their beds for the night.
Briefly, Remus glanced at Sirius' bed before drawing his own drapes. Something was going on with Sirius, but he did not intend to find out what. Let him wallow in self pity until James or Peter returned for all Remus cared, but he would not be inquiring to help Sirius anytime soon.
For once, Remus managed to get both James and Peter on the train without a hitch, bags completely packed and both at least partially awake and groomed. Sirius hadn't deigned to get up, and that was perfectly fine with him. It just meant only two thirds the trouble to deal with before nine in the morning. When he got back to the dormitory, in fact, Sirius' curtains were still closed against the morning sun.
The library was closed for the day, Madame Pince had taken ill, so against his better judgement, Remus settled down on his bed to study. The common room would be full of the few boisterous Gryffindors who had chosen to stay for the duration of the break and they would no doubt be celebrating the lack of school work, or rather, the amount of time they had to put off doing school work.
However, Remus did not want to spend the end of the break completing what could have already been done. Besides, Sirius was apparently content to avoid him as well, so as long as he was in here he would refuse to move. Remus' anger was now merely smoldering, but that didn't mean he couldn't indulge in such a minor way of making Sirius pay.
Nearly three days had passed and somehow the two had managed to bypass each other entirely. A third year had come up asking Remus for help on a charms assignment, and when he had arrived back in the dormitory, Sirius' bed was made, the curtains now open. Remus would reach breakfast early and then head up the hall to the library just as Sirius was coming down the stairs from Gryffindor tower. The same would routinely happen with lunch and dinner. And, eventually, one would always reach the dormitory before the other did, the latter finding the other tucked snugly away in their bed.
The lack of contact with the object of his anger was making Remus antsy and cantankerous. Though he wouldn't have truly expressed his anger if he had seen Sirius, it was mildly disappointing to not get the chance to not express anger. Finally, Remus walked up to the dorm to finish up an essay for Potions, and found Sirius sitting on his own bed doing the same assignment.
Since he knew he wasn't the original offender, Remus comfortably walked to his bed to begin working, half expecting Sirius to freeze in terror at the sight of him. But Sirius just sat there, writing nonchalantly on his parchment. They sat there in stiff silence for a half hour before Sirius sighed loudly, causing Remus to pointedly not look up.
"It wasn't a joke, you know." Sirius somehow half mumbled, half shouted. Remus did somewhat of a double take. "What's that supposed t mean?" he asked incredulously. Sirius sighed again, "It's supposed to mean it wasn't a joke, Moony. I thought you were smarter than that." Sirius returned to his homework, leaving Remus gaping at him. Any part of his anger that had cooled down flared back up again, and he got up and stomped over to Sirius' bed and ripping the parchment out of Sirius' hands. He looked up, alarmed at the sudden show of anger. He had been on the receiving end of Remus' anger only once before, and it had not been a pleasant time in his life.
"What do you mean it wasn't a joke?" Remus asked, trying unsuccessfully to keep his tone even. Sirius sat there, before apparently mustering his courage and cautiously declaring, "I mean it wasn't a joke, it wasn't meant as a joke and I don't know why you thought it was a joke, now give me back my essay." he made a grab for the confiscated parchment but Remus yanked it out of reach. "If it wasn't a joke, then what was it?"
Now Sirius' eyes matched Remus' in frustration. He slowly rose to stand facing Remus and replied in an incredulous tone, nearly yelling, "i don't know, all right, Moony? I don't know! You tell me, because I obviously don't have much experience in this area. But, frankly, I don't care what it was and I don't know why you do when we both know what it was was amazing!" By the end he truly was yelling at Remus, mere inches from his face. Remus backed up cautiously before responding, "Not much experience? You're Sirius Fucking Black, the Hogwarts player, womanizer extraordinaire. You've gotten off with at least half the girls in school! Don't tell me you don't have experience of this sort, because I know you do and that's why I want to know what this is, because...because..." He ran his fingers through his hair testily and moved to sit on the bed, head in his hands. Sirius looked at him sitting there. "Because what, Moony?" Remus shook his head, as if he were trying to tell himself not to answer. "Because I know what I want it to be, but i think it's something completely different." he finally sighed.
Sirius stood there quietly looking at his feet for a while. "Moony," he whispered, "You kissed me first, Remus cringed at the words, "and I screwed up, but I don't understand why you're getting so angry at me for trying to make it up to you."
Remus snorted in response, looking up at his nervous friend. "But you're straight. What good is making out with your sufficiently outed gay friend going to do?" he asked, halfway genuinely. Sirius sat down next to him, squirming a bit. "What if I'm not? Straight, I mean.' he mumbled. Remus eyed him suspiciously, "Since when?"
Sirius chuckled. "Four days, actually. Coincidentally right around when you-" he was cut off by a sharp glare from Remus. "Right. Still a sore subject. Got it. I'm guessing you want me to leave you alone now, huh?" Remus nodded, turning his head, suddenly fascinated by the edge of his bed sheets. He heard and felt Sirius sigh as he got off the bed. "Fine, but can I at least say one more thing?" Remus hesitated before nodding once more. This was all too much and, as illogical as it was he was still upset about how lightly Sirius was treating the issue, as usual.
"okay, but look at me when I tell you this, Moony." Sirius' tone was suddenly very hard, not unlike Professor Mcgonagall when she caught Peter snoozing in class, and he couldn't find it in himself to disobey. A grin spread across Sirius' face and he bent down so that his face was even with Remus'. Remus only had a split second to register the sly glint in his eyes before he was yanked to his feet, causing him to stumble into Sirius' embrace. He tried to protest, but Sirius held him fast and gently brought his mouth to Remus'.
The other two kisses had been all instant gratification, but Remus could tell this one meant more, It was much more relaxed, more personal, and he was glad of the support Sirius' arms lent him, for he surely would have melted on the spot without it. When they broke away both were out of breath and Remus could feel a shy smile spread across his lips. Sirius was absolutely beaming, and Remus halfheartedly tried to force a glare on his features before chastising his, "You asked if you could say something. I never said you could do that."
Sirius grinned even wider and pressed a chaste peck on Remus' cheek. "And aren't we glad I did?" he teased. At that the two burst into hearty laughter, and Remus found that all his anger and frustration had melted away.
"So," Sirius started,"should we talk about this?" he asked while guiding Remus to sit back on the bed. Remus gave him a questioning look. "What's there to talk about?" he retorted. "Well, this." Sirius gestured vaguely between the two of them, then reached to rub the back of his neck in discomfort. "You said you know what you want, let's make it that."
Remus shrugged. "Why don't we just wing it. Tag along for the ride and decide where it goes later on?" Sirius balked. "Remus Lupin, the man who always has a plan, wants to wing it?" Remus brought a hand to rest tenderly on Sirius' shoulder so he's pay careful attention to him. "Padfoot, you only realized you're gay less than a week ago. Yes, I know what I want, but I won't pressure that on you when you've only just come to terms with it. Let's just feel this out and see where it takes us."
Sirius nodded in understanding. "So we're just going to do whatever feels right?" Remus nodded encouragingly, and was rewarded with another sly grim spreading across Sirius' face. "All right. I can do that." he declared before pouncing on Remus, attempting to pin him in a deep kiss. However, he only succeeded in pushing Remus off the floor, yelping in surprise. He winced as he sat up, rubbing the back of his head hesitantly. Sirius' face turned bright red before he stuffed his face into Remus' pillow, muttering "Sorry..." repeatedly. Remus chuckled lightly, still feeling the back of his head for bumps. "It's fine. Like I said, we're feeling this out. Maybe next time, give me a warning and we'll try it again."
Sirius kept his head in the pillow, so Remus got up and began to lightly rub his shoulder, causing him to look up. Remus bent down and gave him a brief kiss, leaving them both blushing happily. "We should head down to dinner. " he suggested, grabbing Sirius' hand in his and helping him up. Sirius nodded, still beet red and embarrassed, and they headed down to the Great Hall, hand in hand until they reached the entrance to Gryffindor tower.