Skywalker apartment, Coruscant. 32 ABY
Luke entered their shared bedroom with apprehension, but it was soon replaced with concern when he realised Mara was not there. Indescribable fear struck him for a moment as he saw Mara's travel bag lying on the bed, obviously packed and ready to go. But rationality managed to work its way into Luke's mind just as swiftly. If the bag was still there, then so was Mara. A quick sweep of the Force located her barricaded presence on the balcony adjourning the main room of their apartment. Which, to Luke's relief, meant she wasn't going to be storming off into the night. Just yet, anyway.
His first instinct was to join her, but the harsh rebuttal of her Force presence when he had reached out to her convinced him otherwise. Perhaps it was best to give her a few more minutes of peace, hopefully to calm down. He needed a shower desperately, anyway.
It was close to an hour later when Luke finally made his way through the trasparisteel doors that led to their outdoor terrace. It was large, enough for outdoor entertaining and separate from their own, private balcony that adjourned their bedroom. Mara was seated in one of the durasteel chairs, one leg crossed over the other and her stony face looking out towards the horizon. The moonlight played across her pale features, and he could see the small bumps that pimpled the skin of her bare arms, firmly folded over her chest. She hadn't bothered to put on a jacket, despite the low temperature of the Coruscant night.
"Mara," he began softly, stepping cautiously towards her. "You're cold."
She didn't turn to face him, her gaze fixed to cascade of lights that littered the skyline. She tilted her chin and answered him in a chilled tone. "Physically or emotionally?"
Luke took a final step towards her, and placed a warm hand on her icy shoulder. "Mara... " he said again, an entreaty this time.
"Don't, Luke." She shied away from his touch, and he understood the message clearly. He would like nothing more than to take her into his arms and forget that they had ever argued, and if he pressed her, she would allow it. But they needed to talk.
Luke reluctantly withdrew his hand. "At least come inside." But Mara simply stared out at the city and said nothing. Her intentions were clear, though. She wasn't going to allow him to choose the battlefield or set the rules. The thought made him pause, as he slowly made his way to the other side of the terrace, to the furthest chair possible. When did he start think of them as opponents again? He settled back uncomfortably into the cold, durasteel chair, and waited for her first move.
It didn't come. Luke tried to reach out to her through the Force, but he met a solid, impenetrable wall. The block in their connection caused a slight ache within him. It had been years since she had rejected him in this manner. In fact, the last time she had closed in around herself like this was when she had been ill with the Vong disease. Luke had forgotten how bereft it made him feel.
"Mara." He tried again, but received no sign of acknowledgement from his wife. Irritability began to seep through him. "Why are you acting like this?" Luke honestly didn't understand why she had become so upset. Obviously Callista's return would unsettle her, but he would never have imagined to this extent. But he couldn't think of a way to remedy the situation, especially if she was shutting him out so effectively.
"I know you love me, Luke." Mara's soft, well-defined voice finally cut through the air.
"What?"
"I know you love me," she said again, her unwavering gaze fixed to the horizon. "Before... you asked how I could believe that you didn't."
"Oh." Luke couldn't deny that he'd had his moments of doubt. He'd been so angry at the way she'd reacted, almost as if he didn't trust what they shared together, didn't believe enough in his utter devotion her.
He was expecting her to continue, but she remained silent. Luke cleared his throat, but knew he had to broach the subject.
"I saw you packed a bag." He tried to say it gently, but it came out like an accusation. "Were you planning on going somewhere?"
Mara bowed and tilted her head slightly, hiding her expression in the curtain of her hair. "I thought about it," she admitted.
"But ultimately decided against it?" Luke pressed his advantage, hoping to get her to open up.
"I love your sister, Luke, but she asks far too many questions."
"I see." Luke pondered for a moment. "You could have slept on the Shadow."
Mara finally removed her gaze from the skyline, throwing him a wary look. "I suppose," she replied uncertainly.
"I'm just curious as to why you stayed, seeing as running away has always served you so well." The words had more bite than he'd intended, and he regretted them immediately.
She appeared wounded, and swallowed heavily. "I'm not like that anymore."
"I know." Luke ran a tired hand over his eyes, regretful. "I didn't mean-"
"Yes you did," Mara cut him off. "Or you wouldn't have said it."
"Mara... "
"You're right."
Luke stared at her incredulously. Mara certainly wasn't afraid to admit her failures when she was in the wrong, but that very rarely happened. She much preferred to improve her character flaws independently than to talk about them.
"I thought I had changed, Luke," she began, her gaze returning to the city. "Becoming your wife, being a mother to Ben, all taking me away from that woman I used to be. The one that secretly hated herself but wouldn't admit it." Mara's tone was decisive and calm, but Luke could sense the overwhelming emotions that she kept at bay, just beneath the surface. "But when I saw her, when I saw your reaction... all of it came rushing back. All of the insecurities about myself, all of the selfish pride, the need to be in control... the instinct to keep you at a distance."
Luke leaned forward in his chair, moved by her words.
"I never knew where I stood when you were with her, Luke," she continued, not daring to turn to face him. "But I felt like she was encroaching on my territory... Force, that sounds so ridiculous," Mara shook her head, her loose curls swinging in front of her face. She sighed and appeared to regather her thoughts.
"The truth is... " Mara looked skyward, a small, self-deprecating smile forming on her face. "I was jealous."
"What?" Luke was shocked - he'd never expected an admission like that from Mara. Had he been so blind during that time, to have not seen, or felt, her emotions?
"I didn't love you - not then," Mara was quick to reassure him. "I don't really know what I felt... except that I couldn't stand seeing her with you. It hurt me to know that you loved her, and... it still does."
That was the crux of it, Luke realised. Why she'd reacted so violently to his silence, hearing about Callista. It had brought old, untreated insecurities to the surface.
Mara drew up her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them protectively. "I just don't understand." He heard her unspoken words. Because I've only ever loved you.
She would never express that aloud, Luke knew. But she couldn't hide the pain she felt, thinking about his past romantic entanglements. He wondered if his feelings would be the same if she had been deeply in love with any other man besides him. He couldn't deny that his possessive instincts would be just as fervent as hers. In fact, he remembered how annoyed he had been when he'd thought she was involved with Lando, not realizing at the time it was because Luke was in love with her himself. He also remembered his relief when she'd revealed the relationship had been a cover, even though he had no claim on her or any reason to judge her choice of partner. And that had been with one of Luke's closest friends, he couldn't imagine what it would be like knowing that Mara had truly loved another, let alone someone he disliked.
Luke was just thankful he would never have to be in such a situation.
But Mara was, and he finally understood that. And that base, primitive part of her needed reassurance from him. Finally gathering the courage, Luke stood and moved across the terrace. Before, it had seemed like a great expanse, but now he understood it was a very small distance to breach, if he had the courage to do so. He knelt beside her, and reached out to gather one of her hands in both of his.
"There will always be a part of me that loves her, Mara," he admitted, squeezing her hand gently as she flinched at his words. "I could never just... forget what I felt for her, how happy I was in our time together." He gently reached his fingers up to cup her chin, drawing her face round to him. Her expression was stony and cold, and there was no evidence of tears, but Luke could see the pain in her deep eyes.
"But what I felt for her... it can't compare," he smiled gently at her. "What I feel for you..." He trailed off, knowing he could never adequately express what he wanted to say. So he closed his eyes, and reached out for her with the Force. She opened up for him, ever so slightly, and he surged into her, burrowing through the recesses of her mind and heart and filling all of the cold, lonely spaces with himself. He searched for the hidden places of her, the havens of her insecurities, of her anger and hurt. It felt cool in his hands, and he wrapped himself around them, filling the holes, rebuilding the fragile conduits and passages of her doubts and fears. The free reign she gave him was exhilarating, and he explored every part of her, more deeply than ever before.
When he finally withdrew, they were both out of breath, and his arms were around her tightly. She was leaning over him, her face was pressed into his shoulder, her hand clutching the fabric of his tunic.
"I'm sorry," came her muffled cry as she held him tighter. "I love you."
Luke stroked her hair and soothed her, closing his eyes again as her vibrant presence washed over him. There was complete calm on the terrace for several minutes, as Mara composed herself and Luke tightened his arms around her body. He was pleased to find that her skin was warm again, and had returned to a healthy colour.
"Callista... she was a dream," Luke finally spoke into the darkness, clarity dawning upon him. "I just wanted someone to love so badly, I think that I just didn't care who it was." Luke felt Mara's head lift from his shoulder to look down at him, and he raised one hand to caress her cheek. "I don't think that I will ever regret our time together... she taught me how to love someone deeply, and I'm thankful for that."
Mara's hand moved to stroke his neck, and Luke relaxed into her touch. "And I'm sorry I didn't realise you felt this way about us, Mara. I should have seen it."
"No, Luke," Mara said firmly, her thumb running lightly up and down the side of his neck. "Don't try to take the blame away from me," she chastised him. "I didn't even know I felt like this... but it's my problem, I have to deal with it." She sat up slightly and placed her finger to his lips, stopping the words she knew were coming. "And of course, I'll let you help." She smiled and replaced her finger with her lips, kissing him tenderly.
"You know I'm always here for you, Mara." Luke said as she pulled away.
"I know." Mara smile faltered, and she extracted himself from his embrace, standing and moving to the edge of the terrace. She put both hands on the railing and looked out into the night. Luke stood as well, but held back, knowing that she had more to say and was not ready to be distracted yet.
"I just couldn't stop myself from thinking about the two of you..." Mara sighed and looked up at the sky. "About what might of happened if she'd never left." She tried again, and then grimaced. "Of how easily she could have been your wife... how we might have never... " She stopped, unable to even say the words aloud.
"Mara... " Luke began, but stopped himself to give the thought due consideration. It was only fair, to both of them, to consider his feelings on the matter, as opposed to dismissing them outright. Her fears were not unfounded. Luke could have very easily married Callista, could not have learnt to appreciate Mara in the way he had, or come to love her. But the more Luke thought about it, the more he knew what the truth was.
He moved to stand next to her by the railing, first placing his hands over hers and waiting until she shifted her fingers, allowing them to intertwine with his. Then he brought their joined hands to his chest, forcing her to turn and face him. Luke pressed her right hand against his heart and held it there with his left, while his right hand cupped the side of her face.
"No matter what could have happened in the past, with Callista, or with anyone else... " He tilted her head and looked deeply into her eyes. "It might have taken me astray, it might have placed obstacles in my path, but I believe that the Force would have always lead me to you."
He pressed his lips to hers and smothered her smile. It was a kiss of understanding, of promise, and she responded eagerly, both physically, and through their bond in the Force. It had seemed like an age since they had kissed and communicated in this way, and Luke was resolved to not let that much time pass again. He pulled her closer, arms tightening around her waist as he basked in the bliss she bestowed upon him. Mara's fingers wound around his neck, curling through his hair as she drew him closer, opening herself up to him again through the Force, taking everything he was pouring into her and responding in kind. It was in these moments that Luke truly felt alive, as if he was not whole until he was united with her in body and spirit.
It could have been an age, but was likely only a few minutes when she pulled away, as contended as he had ever seen her. A little breathless she asked him; "No more secrets, Luke?"
He shook his head, reaching to brush a wayward curl from in front of her eyes. "You either?"
She sighed happily, but then gave him a playful smile. "Well... I wasn't exactly telling you the whole truth, earlier," she admitted.
With her mind so receptive and open, he could easily sense her thoughts. "The real reason you didn't run off to Leia and Han's?"
"I know that they would have knocked some sense into me." Mara eyed him fondly. "And I'd much rather have you do that."
"As long as you're up for knocking me right back," his hand curved seductively down her bare arm.
She grinned at him in return. "Count on it, Skywalker."