Levi was drinking some tea in his office out of one of the special handle-free cups he had made. What the hell were those things even supposed to be used for, anyway. Suddenly, the door flew open. "Neigh, it is I, Jean Kirstein," said Jean. Levi groaned. "How many times have I told you not to kick the door open, Jean," he said. "I can only have the hoof prints sanded off so many times." Jean snorted. "There's no time for that, neighchou!" he said. "Marco… is back!" Levi was confused. Who the hell was Marco? Well, whatever, it seemed that something important was happening, and Levi was not about to let his sexy self miss out on it. He followed Jean to Hanji's makeshift lab.
Hanji was standing next to one of those cold metal tables. There was something human-shaped under the sheet. The rest of the survey corps was gathered in the room, silently waiting. Except for Reiner, who hadn't stopped doing squats since that whole de-barafying incident, and Eren, who was stroking his rage boner like usual. "Shitty glasses, what's going on here?" asked Levi, flipping his cravat into the air in a dramatic fashion. Hanji flung herself around to face him. She was grinning like she had just captured a new titan or something. "Well, Levi, we don't always burn the bodies," she said. "Sometimes Er- Commander Handsome has them brought here and frozen for me to work on. I was thinking of building some sort of giant sentient robot to fight the titans with them, but that didn't really pan out…" Hanji looked sad for a second before excitedly continuing. "However, we did manage to create THIS!" She said, pulling the sheet part of the way off of the table and gesturing to the figure under it. It was an incredibly freckly man, or half of one. "What kind of half-assed shit is this?" asked Levi. Hanji's smile grew as she pulled the sheet the rest of the way off. The other half of the man's body was some sort of machine! "He's a cyborg," said Hanji, "and also our newest recruit."
Everyone in the room, except for Erwin, who had already known about this, gasped as the man sat up. "Hey guys," said Marco adorably, "I'm back I guess." Connie raised his hand. "Why does the robot part have freckles?" he asked. Hanji looked confused. "I didn't put those there," she said. Sasha screamed. "Armin, what's wrong with your face!?" she yelled. Everyone turned to look. Armin had freckles! Everyone glanced at each other nervously to find that it wasn't just Armin. Everyone had freckles now. Even Jean had freckle-like spots on his fur. Eren's rage boner was even afflicted with the adorable spots. Ymir and Krista were immune, though. Ymir already had freckles, and Krista was under her protection. More specifically, the lesbian magic of the pair protected her. Levi grabbed Marco by the half-collar. "What the hell is going on!?" he screamed, sounding like a majestic, and sexy, t-rex roaring at its prey. Levi was pissed. The freckles on his face had replaced his sexiness with… cuteness. Marco shrugged. Erwin stepped forward. "I have seen this before," he said. "Freckle fever. It spreads when a freckly person is very happy. The only way to reverse it… is to be touched by that person's banana hammer." Everyone gasped in horror, except for Jean, who neighed in not horror. "Oh," said Sasha, interrupting the gasping, "and you can also get some kind of special cute powers if you rub that person's nip nops while singing a song about potatoes." The others seemed pretty skeptical about that last bit. "Well, let's get this over with than," said Hanji. She pulled down Marco's singular pant and exposed his sex cannon. Everyone rubbed their faces on it as Marco blushed in embarrassment. When it was time for the final person, Erwin, to take his turn, he simply gave the little sausage one swift stroke, causing Marco to splurt adorable speckled babby batter everywhere. Everyone went back to their own business like nothing had happened, except for Jean, who was showing Marco to his new home with him in the stables.