Not A Fangirl

by Rosezelene Ersa

This is a story about a semi-normal girl who wakes up in the world of "Adventure Time"! The only problem is, she hates the show with a passion and goes co-co bananas when she finds out where she is :) Let's watch as the many zany characters try to make her see the light! (Discontinued until further notice)

2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

~My pov~

Finn is still asleep when I wake up. The smells of breakfast waft up the ladder to their room, and my stomach growls in reply to the promise of food. Keeping the blanket securely wrapped around me, I walk stiffly to the ladder and climb down to the kitchen. Jake's opaque eyes flicker to me, and he offers a gruff good morning as he adds a beautiful, fluffy pancake to an already towering pile. "Is Finn still asleep?" He asks, and I nod my head in response.
"It's probably for the best, anyway. He's hurt pretty bad."
"Let's go ahead and eat, then."
He moves to place the tower of pancakes on the table, as well as a pitcher of orange juice and a plate of sausages.
"Wow. This looks wonderful, Jake. Thanks for breakfast." I say before shoving a fork-full of pancakes into my mouth. They really are good; he must've used buttermilk in the recipe.
"Are these buttermilk pancakes?" I ask, unable to resist.
"Yeah, actually. How did you know?"
I shrug. I'm a pretty good cook myself, but I wouldn't tell him that; He might make me stay or something.
"So, uh... what are you doing here? We never got to ask you why you were in the woods yesterday."
"I have no clue." I reply honestly.
The last thing I remember before ending up face down on the grass is eating dinner with Matthew. Our parents were out, so it was just the two of us sharing a pizza and a bottle of mountain dew. I don't recall going to bed. My memory ends with my brother losing rock-paper-scissors for who had to wash the dishes.
"Do you...have amnesia or something?"
"...Maybe? I- I just don't know how I got here. I don't even really know where "here" is." I sigh. "Can we not talk about this? I'll be out of your hair as soon as I can find a place to stay."
"You can stay- ugh! You can stay here!" A shout comes from the ladder, and Finn falls on his face most gracefully.
"Whoa, are you ok?" I ask as I rush to help him to his feet.
"You should stay here! With us!"
"Finn, dude, I appreciate the offer; but you guys have already done enough."
"B-but..."
"Now wait a second." My head turns to Jake as he speaks. "First things first. Before you decide anything, we need to get you some more clothes."
I blush beet red at the statement, reminded that under my blanket I'm only in shorts and a sports bra.
"Erm...about that...I don't have any money..." I stutter as I avert my eyes.
"That's ok, we'll just use some treasure. It shouldn't cost much to buy you a new outfit." Says Finn, the dejected look falling off his face immediately.

I know better than to argue. In situations like this, I never win when I try.
"...Thanks..."

"What about this one?"
"Finn, that's a dress."

"Ok, how about this?"

"That is also a dress."

"I know, but...it'd, umm...look good on you." He says awkwardly with a slight blush.
He and Jake took me to this village to search through their open air market that's chock full of girly clothes. Quite frankly, all the pink and frills are making me bemoan my decision to follow them willingly.
All truth be told, Finn is starting to annoy me with all his blushing. I might not hate him as much as I did before, but that doesn't mean I want him crushing on me.
"I told you, I only wear skirts and dresses when I absolutely have to. So, it's a no from me."
I move over to the next booth and pick up a blouse. It is made of a fine material, almost like silk, so I set it down and keep looking. I need something sturdier; something that would last a while. Something like-
"Hey Miranda! Look what I found!" Jake calls, waving me over to the booth he is standing in front of.
"Overalls?" I ask, a smile tugging at my mouth.
"Yup!"
"...Not really my style, but they'd definitely last. Now all I need is a few shirts to go with them." I select two overalls from the pile, no, make that three; Jake just put one more in my arms. And there's a nice blouse. The sleeves are a little puffy, but its cotton so it'll be easy to wash... and there's a few t-shirts! They look kinda old, but not too badly worn out; that'll work. Oh, and I'll need some pajamas...
And on it goes. When I have three outfits put together and a pair of pajamas, Finn and Jake insist it is still not I roll my eyes and throw another pair of pajamas, boots, and some socks on my pile.
"There. Can we go now? I feel awkward walking around in a blanket." I say, kicking at the dirt with my shoe.
"Get dressed, then we'll go. HEY MERRI!" Jake says, turning his head to yell at a...moose, I think. It's got the head and antlers of a moose, at least.
I digress.
"CAN MIRANDA CHANGE IN YOUR BOOTH?"
"YAH!" Screeches the moose-thing. I give a small smile in thanks as it exits the booth then go inside and close the curtains.
I unwrap my blanket and get changed quickly, frowning at the red marks the shorts left on my hips from being too tight. At least I can get out of THOSE. Pulling on the overalls in their stead, I'm pleasantly surprised to find that they fit fairly well. I button up the light blue cotton blouse and sling the overall straps over my shoulders, buckling them securely in place. Yanking my tattered tennis shoes off my feet I unroll my socks and put on my new leather boots, making sure to tuck my dagger inside. I need to have some kind of self-defense in this crazy place, at the very least.
There is no mirror in the booth but I don't think it matters. Function over fashion, as the saying goes.
Finally I grab the blanket from the floor and toss it over my shoulder. I lift the curtain and walk back to my ... well, what are they to me, exactly? Can I call them...my... friends? That word just doesn't sit right with me. Let's go with benefactors for now, as they are paying for this stuff.
"Alright, now we can go back. Oh, and here. I bought this when you were changing." Jake says, tossing a bag at me. I catch it in one hand and take my time observing it. It is a leather heavy duty messenger bag inscribed with the words "I love bunnies!"
"Um, thanks." I say as I stuff the rest of my clothes into the bag and tie my blanket to it. We start walking away, but Finn doesn't move a muscle. Come to think of it, he's not talking either. I turn towards him, a question on my lips, only to find him staring at me again.
Alright, that's the last of my patience; it's time to show that idiot why crushing on me is a bad idea.
I take two steps forward and stop.
No, I've gotta control myself. I don't want to cause a scene. I let out a long breath and settle on glaring at him.
"Come on, bird brain. Are you gonna just stand there all day?" I say.
He gives a start and blushes when he realizes he'd been staring.
"Sorry! Um, let's, uh, go now."
I believe I've mentioned this before. He blushes. A LOT.
I frown and turn on my heel, walking back to the treehouse in silence, where my fate awaits. I don't have a clue what I'm going to do, or where I'm going to go. My knowledge of this show is limited to what I don't like. It's sad to say, but I really should've listened to my bother, oh pardon me, brother, when he was blathering on about Adventure Time. At least looking at the massive poster map of Ooo in his bedroom would've helped, but I pointedly ignored it every time. Actually, I'm impressed I even know this place is called Ooo.

~Back at the tree house~

"Ok, so what do you wanna do now?" Asks Finn, and I shrug in response.
"I have no opinion. We've already tried killing him, and that didn't work."
"Hm. What if we...stabbed his eye out?"
"Jake already tried that." I say, sweat running down my face in waves.
"Okay dude, I'm out of ideas." Paints Jake, collapsing on the ground besides us. "This darn lava man's not going anywhere."
We'd gotten back to the house only to find a lava guy sleeping in the front yard, emitting a smoldering heatwave from every pore of his body.
"Geez, its sooo hot." I groan, and Finn nods in agreement.
"Jake, any ideas?" He asks, and the dog shakes his head.
"Nah, man. 'S too hot to think."
"Too hot to...hmm." he strokes his chin then perks up when an idea strikes him. "Oh! Jake, if we can't beat him, I say we go where the heat can't follow~!" Says Finn in a sing-song voice.
"Wha-?" I am so lost right now.
"Yeah dude, rad plan!" Exclaims Jake, and they both get up and start running, in perfect sync with each other.
"Wait, what are you doing? Guys!"
I sigh, push myself to my feet and begin to chase after them again. I have no choice really; those two and Tree Trunks are the only contacts I have in this crazy place.
"Geez, what's wrong with you two?!"
"Jake?" Says Finn suggestively and a sly smile comes over the dog's features.
"Ha ha, right. Lady and GentleFinn," says Jake with a wag of his eyebrows, "buckle up!"
"Huh? What do you- WAAAAH!" I scream. To say the least, I'm startled when the dog suddenly grows huge, and, without stopping, scoops us up in his hand and plops us onto his back.
"WHY IS EVERYTHING SO MAGICALLY WEIRD?!"
"Ahem! Excuse me, magically AWESOME!" Puffs Jake, sounding offended.
"MAGICALLY WEIRD!" I yell, clinging onto Finn for dear life as Jake lopes through the plain.

(Ok- you weirdos shipping us right now there's nothing romantic about it. I'm pretty sure I'm strangleing him, but I'm too freaked out to care. So get over it.)

Crazily enough, the plains soon give way to flurries of ice and snow; gleaming peaks that tower high over our heads.
"...Wow..." I breathe, my head craned back as far as it can go. My arms slowly relax their hold on Finn's torso, giving the boy some much needed air as my eyes drink in the sights. Everything is in powdery shades of blue and white; the mountains of ice are so tall they look like they would fall over if I so much as breathed on them.
And it's cold.
Really cold.
Awesome!
While Finn digs around in his backpack and pulls out a sweater, I spread out my arms and smile as the cool air whips past. I've actually never seen real snow before now; I guess there are some perks to being here, huh?
"Hold on to your hats!" Says Jake, then he plops down on his stomach and we start to slide.
I scream joyfully and close my eyes, barely able to remain sitting as we glide over the snow.
My cheeks sting from the cold, but honestly I don't care. I'm having too much fun to do anything but laugh.
Finn glances back at me, his eyes squinting as we whip over another hill of snow.
"ARE YOU COLD, MIRANDA?" He shouts, and I shake my head feverishly. "NOPE! THIS IS PERFECT!"
It really is. I've never been in really cold weather before either, but apparently I take to it well. My breath is coming out in short bursts of mist and my blood feels like fire in my bones- the adrinaline, most likely.
I let out a whoop and jump off Jake, landing in a soft pile of fluffy white snow. I doubt there's any snow like this in my world; but then again, I wouldn't know.
... I guess this place isn't so bad.
I climb out of the snow and lay down on my stomach, building a mini snowman and smiling at my accomplishment. I know I'm acting a little childish, but for right now I'm ok with that.
I sigh and roll onto my back.
I haven't really been acting like myself these past couple of days, and it's wearing on me. I'm not usually a loud person, or an aggressive one at that... It's just because I hate this place, I guess.
I close my eyes and dig my fingers into the snow.
Why am I here? How am I here?
There are so many questions plaguing my mind I can't even think straight.
I sit up again and spot the boys sledding nearby, Finn waving as they skim past me again and again.

And then there's those two; A boy and a talking dog.

...

Ugh. It's easier not to think about it, so I tell my brain to shut up.
I get up to my feet and start walking just as they disappear over a nearby snow drift. I'm not entirely thrilled at living here, but I suppose there's nothing else I can do- so I might as well enjoy it.
...Or try to.
"Finn? Jake? Where are you?"
I take one step forward, slip on a patch of ice, and go tumbling down the hill with a surprised shout.

"Owww..." I moan, rubbing my bumped head. My arm is protesting sharply in its cast as I sigh in aggrivation. "Well, THAT made me feel clumsy..."
I stagger to my feet and look around, then let out a gasp in dismay.
"Of course. I just HAD to fall in a hole."
Steep walls of icy rock surround me on each side and the opening at the top is barely visible beyond the snow. "Great. Just great." I look around the hole, observing how the walls seem smooth and unnatural.
"A man-made hole? Hmm…" I place my hand flat on the surface and trace it all the way around. There are several openings in the rock, each one formed in the shape of a doorway; gaping mouths ready to swallow me up into the darkness. The poetic thought makes a shiver run down my spine, and I stare for a moment before steeling myself.
" Well, I have to get out of here somehow." I mumble as I take a step into the passage way.
'I'll just feel around for a draft. If there isn't one, I'll just try another tunnel.' I reassure myself, moving deeper into the shadows. A cool breath of wind licks at my arms, and I determine that it's safe to follow this passage. Hopefully the draft means that it leads outside, or at least closer to the surface. Soon everything goes pitch black, and I place my hand on the wall to let it lead me. Needless to say, I'm quite thankful that I was never afraid of the dark. My breathing seems abnormally loud as I amble down the passage, and it strikes me that, even though it seems rather cold, I haven't once shivered or felt the need to rub my arms. I stoke the flesh of my forearm; I don't even have goosebumps. This is definitely not normal.

I'm not sure how much time passes as I wander through the dark; the passage twists and turns pretty frequently and the breeze just increases as I go forward. I can only assume it means that I'm getting closer to the exit. After what seems like forever I finally make it to what I think is the exit. It feels like an ice-cold spiral staircase, so I put my foot on the bottom step and carefully start climbing. Blindly going up, I keep my hand clenched tightly around the railing and make sure each foot is planted securely before I put my full weight on that step. I start to hear a low murmur as I ascend.
'Hopefully that means I'm almost to the top.' I think, almost missing a step. As soon as I get my foot back down to approach the next step, I'm relieved to find that they've leveled off. I've come to the top of the stairs. I stumble around in the dark for a few seconds more, wiping my hands over the walls and trying to find the next hallway, door, staircase, or whatever else the cruel creator of this labyrinth has in store for me. My fingers come to rest on a door knob.
'Please don't be locked, please don't be-'
It twists without difficulty and glides open, allowing a soft stream of light to trickle through.
"Yes!" I happily yell, bounding out of the dark and into the room where the light is. I stand still for a second, blinking in the light and adjusting my glasses.
"Oh."
I was in a large, cavernous home made of ice; much like the rest of this land seems to be. There's a drum set broken apart and scattered on the ground in front of me, and I turn around to see the door I came out of disappear seamlessly as it shuts. The fallen drums are tucked in a corner next to an icy prison cell, where a herd of ...really adorable penguins crowd around a lumpy blue mass. I walk forward and wade into the penguins and they quack affectionately as I pass.
"Oh my gosh-!" I gasped, dropping to my knees besides the mound of blue. It's an old man lying on his back. He has a long silver beard, light blue skin, and a big red welt on the back of his head. "Is he..?"
He's breathing. That's good. It means he's just knocked out.
I get up and look around the room for something to bandage his head with, as well as some chunks of loose ice I can use as a cold compress. When I find what I need I return to the old man and bandage him up to the best of my ability. After that I sit back and wait for him to wake, as I very well can't leave him here alone when he's injured, stranger or not. I absentmindedly pet the penguins nearest to me, even as they contest with one another to gain my attention. One little guy is more assertive than the rest, for he pushes his way out of the crowd and sits on my lap.
"Hi there, penguin. I'm Miranda." I greet with a soft smile. He quacks at me and rubs his head on my arm, like a cat asking to be petted.
'Far be it from me to wonder why the penguins here quack.' I think, stroking his little head and gazing curiously at my charge-The old man in the blue robe. He's sleeping with a peaceful expression, but somehow he appears saddened. Lost, even. He actually seems pretty familiar, now that I think about it. Is he a main character? I can't quite remember, but I think he's important somehow. My brother drew him once, but then he'd had a crown on his head...so does that mean he's a king? I remember Finn saying briefly that this is called the Ice kingdom... the Ice King? Ice King. Yeah, that sounds about right. Not very imaginative, though.
The old man's eyes burst open and he looks around in confusion.
"Huh? What happened? Princesses?!"
"No, sorry, just me. You have a pretty nasty bump on your head, Ice King."
"Wha? Who are you?!"
"I'm Miranda." I replied simply, helping him to his feet. "What happened to you?"
"Oh, that mean 'ol Finn attacked me."
"Finn?"
So he was here, and he beat up an old man. I doubt he'd do that without reason. I covertly reached down into my boot and pulled out my dagger, just to be safe.

-
Back to Finn and Jake

Everyone is cheering, happy to finally be out of the Ice King's clutches.
"Thank you for rescuing us, Finn." Says Slime Princess as she flutters her eyelashes.
"You're welcome, Slime Princess!" Finn smiles, picking up the green blob.
"...and you remember when you said you'd vow to marry us to the "thing" of our choosing?"
"...Yes..." Replies Finn nervously, a frown crossing his face.
"Well," she giggles slightly, "I'd like to marry YOU."
Overly dramatic "Oooo's" and cat-calling soon follows, as Finn once again finds himself blushing.
"Oh, yeah, well, about that..." He shoots a panicked look at his brother and utters a quick, "Jake, help me!"
Jake smiles.
"Oh, um...slime princess, you shouldn't marry Finn."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, uh...He already has a lady friend! And it would just- Break. Her. Heart."
Another chorus of "Oooh!" Followed that, even louder than before.
"Scandal!" Lumpy space princess says, her eyes widening at the promise of gossip. "Who is she? You hhhaaaaaaavvvvvveeee to tell mmmeeeeeeee!"
"It's our friend Miranda." Jake says, a sly tone to his voice as the story takes form. "He's desperately in love with her."
Finn opens his mouth to defend himself, but nothing comes out. He realizes how it must look and turns an even darker shade of red.
"J-jake!" He squeaks, his mind almost blank from embarrassment.
"What? I could have told them you pee your pants." The dog whispers, amused.
Finn bends his head down, avoiding everyone's eyes. Suddenly he gives a startled shout.
"Miranda!"

-
~ My pov~

"Let me go!"
"Marry me!"
"No way, you're like a bazillion years older than me!" I screech, clawing at his hands to try to unwind them from my hair. "That's it!" I yell, bringing my dagger around in a wide arc. Instead of aiming at the Ice king, which I only half wanted to do, I sliced through my hair with a single, fluid motion and rolled away from him.
"Woah! Are you crazy?!" He asks, dropping his fist full of hair onto the floor. The dark brown locks stand out starkly against the ice, and I narrow my eyes at him angrily.
"Am I crazy?! Dude, you just demanded that I marry you and held me by my hair! I'M not the crazy one here!"
"I-" he sighs and sits down on the floor. "Yeah, you're probably right. If I'm crazy it explains why no one wants to be my friend."
"Yeah, that could do it." I agree, putting my hand up to feel how short my hair is. Whereas before it came down to my mid-back, it now only comes to the bottom of my chin. Not much of a loss, really, I've been meaning to cut my hair for a while now any way.
...Oh geez, he's crying.
"Ermm...You know, I, uh, I don't think you're a bad guy, even after all that." I offer awkwardly.
He sniffs and looks at me with watery eyes.
"You don't?"
"...No. you're definitely crazy, but I suppose being friendless and alone can do that to a person."
"So does that mean you'll mar-"
"No!" I cut him off, taking a step back. "Like I said, you're WAAAYY to old for me. Besides, you said you wanted to marry a princess, right? I'm just a normal girl."
"Oh." He says, a dejected look on his face.
"Um, anyway, you're awake now, so I'll just be going-"
"Oh, I know!" He suddenly yells, cutting me off. "I can't marry you, but we can be friends, right? You were nice to me already..."
I grimace. I'm not sure if I WANT to be this wacko's friend... but he's right; I've been pretty tolerant and don't flat out hate him...
"Um, well..." He looks at me with glittering puppy dog eyes, and I huff. I am SO going to regret this... "Alright, but only if you promise to be my friend, too. That means no kiddnaping, imprisoning, or any other kind of moral no-no, got it?"
"Yippeeee!" He yells happily, pulling me into a crushing hug.
Yup. I'm going to regret it, alright.
"Anyway, my...benefactors...are going to be looking for me." I say, prying myself out of his grasp. "So I'm going to go now."
"Awww!"
"Yeah, um, see you later, Ice King and Penguins." The penguins quack at me, sad to see me go. The one that had been soaking up my affection earlier came back and latched himself onto my leg, stubbornly refusing to let go.
"No. Let go, please." I shake my leg, but the penguin only quacks loudly in protest.
"See?! Gunter doesn't want you to go either!" Shouts the Ice King as he sobs and throws his arms around my waist.
"Ugh. You remind me of my dad-ack!" Apparently that's the wrong thing for me to say, for immediately his tears are gone and a bright, happy look replaces them.
"Yes! Perfect! I am your Ice Dad! Come to papa!" He wiggles his fingers and lunges to hug me again, but this time I step out of the way.
"Um... how 'bout no?" Then I turn and high tail it out of there, sliding over the ice and escaping into the outside world.
"It's gonna be a thing! You just wait!" He yells after me. I shake my head feverishly and continue running. He's a little too much like my dad...
They're both weirdoes.
I run until I can no longer see the Ice King's icy home, my lungs once again invigorated with the cold.
"-randa!"
I stop, listening over the wind.
"-randa!"
"Miranda!"
"Mmuuurrrraaahhnnnndddaaa!"
"Mir-ann-duh!"
"Miranda!"
There are several people calling me, and I recognize Finn and Jake's voices among the rest.
"Over here!" I shout, cupping my hands around my mouth to be louder.
"I see her, Jake!" I hear Finn call, and I begin to walk towards them in the flurry.
"Hey, guys. I thought you forgot about me." I said, giving the group a skeptical look. "Um, what's with the entourage?"

-A/N

Any responses?