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Brookes pov

Everything had gone oddly quiet, Clay and Haley had been in the kitchen for a while. I decided to go and investigate, I thought whatever it was, it was my fault. I needed to make sure it was ok.

I was on my way to the kitchen when

"Brooke, can we talk?" I sighed and turned around. I would recognise that voice anywhere, it was the voice that i longed to hear, every single time i wasn't hearing it

"where does talking actually get us?" I asked him, as we walked to a quieter area of the house, and I looked up to see him looking down, the confident grin he had been wearing all night gone. Facade gone.

"i didnt invite Alex. Shes just been hanging round a lot lately, shes lonely" he explained, as if that made it ok

"you know its been pretty lonely from where ive been sitting too. Especially watching her draped all over you. Do you know how humiliating this was for me?"

"I never wanted to hurt you. I want us to find a way through this. Thats why Haley invited me"

"yeah, and you invited her"

"she has just tried to hurt herself, I couldnt leave her, she asked to come and she's had a really tough day today, I know it doesn't look it when she's with you guys but when she's just with me she's a shell of who she was"

"right. And if we got back together, what are you expecting? Me to sit and watch this happen, sit and watch her smugly try and take you, watch her talk about babys, trying to make me angry day in day out? She may be that girl with you but with me, she's just horrible, vindictive, and someone who works overtime to take you from me"

"i cant ditch her now Brooke" he said, closing his eyes and exhaling, then looking at me, his eyes widened. Pleading with me to understand

"but you ditched me without a second thought the other night" I replied, quietly

"you asked me to chose and I cant at the moment, she needs me"

tears suddenly sprang to my eyes. It was the hero complex again. Just because I didnt need saving, it was ok to leave me without thinking how much it hurt

"i needed you" I choked, looking up and taking a small breath in

"can we work through this?" he asked, putting his hand on my arm. I felt goosebumps errupt, I had missed his touch, I had missed him, I wanted nothing more then him, i wanted to take him home, have him hold me all night and tell me everything was going to be fine. But it wasn't fine, not anymore

"ive gone through this once with Peyton and Luke, watching them be friends, watching them pretend that it was nothing more, and when I asked Luke to chose, he said Peyton needed him. Your saying Alex needs you. Im always second, im always the one everyone thinks can survive, and i can, but I don't want to always be the girl fighting to get through the day because the boy she loves loves someone else

"your first with me Brooke, every single time, I love you"

"Thats what Luke said. He didn't even know how much he loved Peyton. Then she got shot and it all became clear"

"Alex isn't going to get shot"

"Thats not what i want to hear Julian. If its not her trying to kill herself its going to be something else then one day your gonna wake up, realise you've made a mistake then you'll want to be with her, I can't do that to myself again, It took me years to get over Lucas and really let you in"

"I know you've been hurt before, I got tangled up in Peyton and Lucas too but don't use them as a weapon against our relationship, im nothing like Lucas. Alex was always a friend but I've never seen her that way, the only girl I've ever wanted to settle down with is you, Brooke please believe me"

"i think we are going round in circles here Julian. Lets just keep this break going" i said, coldly. I couldn't do it anymore, my fight was gone, I couldn't wake up thinking of ways to make him jealous, or thinking who I could sleep with to ease the pain. this wasn't high school anymore

"its not a break though is it?" he asked, suddenly

"what?" I asked, turning to him, my eyes tearing up. I knew what was going to happen, I didn't want to hear it but I knew

"if we cant resolve this its not going to be a break is it?" he asked, his eyes starting to water

"i dont want to break up with you but I cant be in this inbetween stage, the waiting room, I cant wait for the day you turn around and tell me we are done for good. Its going to end up being a break up"

"i dont want to break up" I sighed. I didn't want to be alone, again. Peyton wouldn't be around forever, when she was gone i was going to be the girl in the big house, alone, no boy, no baby. the way it always was. Was that worse then the constant Julian/Alex fear?

"either do I-" he started, but I stopped him

"i cant do this" I said, slowly starting to get up "i cant watch you and her, I know its partly selfish but I cant. So you do what you need to with her, and im going to do-what I need to do"

"with Clay?" he spat, and I narrowed my eyes at him "taking him to the premiere, really, you think I cant see through that?"

"how dare you. Clays a friend and I needed someone to be there for me while I watched you two, actually. Im not doing anything wrong" I started to walk away from him

"sorry" he said, and I turned for the last time, the last time I would for him

"Bye Julian. And good luck" I said, quietly, trying to stop my cry becoming a sob. Because that was obvious, and I didnt do obvious.

Clays pov

I was sat on the beach. I regretted walking out the minute I had done it. None of this was Haleys fault, she thought she was looking after Brooke. She didnt know the manwhore thing was a total fad , she didnt know I was still greiving for my dead wife. Because I never told her. It was more of a respect thing.

I sighed, I didnt really know how to get myself out of this one without telling the truth. And it was a painful truth. I watched the waves, wishing that there was an easy way out of this

"Clay?" came a soft voice. I turned around, looking up at Haley. Damn, she must have been concenered. She would never leave her own dinner party

She took my silence as a invite to sit down, and sat beside me, shivering slightly and tucking her hair behind her ears. She wasn't looking at me, I knew she felt bad. I didn't want her to feel bad, this was not her fault.

I knew this was it, I was going to have to tell her. If not for her, for me. I was sick of everyone thinking I was some sort of woman-hurting playboy machine

"sorry" she said, quietly

"im sorry" I said to her, and she laughed

"well that was easier then expected. Nathan usually has to of had about 3 beers and a homecooked meal to accept an apology"

we both laughed

"you know I would never hurt Brooke, right?" I asked her, and she looked at me almost sadly. Its almost as if she now knew something was beneath the surface, that I wasnt telling her something

"i know. Its just her and Julian seemed so perfect, and after everything with Lucas, and Chase, Owen. I just wanted her to have her happy ending"

"not many things are as perfect as they look on the outside"

"i know. She was just so happy. I knew from the moment Alex walked in that this plan was going to falter. I didn't want to meddle im just so sick of seeing Brooke get her heart broken, she doesn't deserve it. She's the kindest, most giving person I know and she was finally onto a good thing, she was finally getting her happy ending. I didn't want her experience with Luke to stand in the way of another good thing"

"bet you didnt expect that with Alex" I lightly chuckled, trying to lighten the tone. I didn't have a lot of knowledge about the Peyton/Lucas/Brooke triangle, but as the other two were together and Brooke was alone, it was obviously her who was the victim of the whole thing

"I cant say I did. Look, I know you dont see Brooke that way, but im just looking out for her, I know your not the commitment type"

"i was" I offered, I wish I could take it back, now I was going to have to say something

Haley looked at me, confusion rife, she wasnt saying anything, she softened her gaze, put her hand on my arm. She knew I was about to confide in her, and god love her she was only making it harder with her kindness. Typical Haley James Scott. I knew this was my cue

"i used to be married. She was called Sara. Blonde hair, perfect smile. We were the golden couple of college. I knew as soon as I saw her that she was the only girl that I was going to need"

"she sounds great, what happened?" Haley asked, looking at me, her eyes wide. I almost sensed she had guessed the next part, there was only one way to end a story that started that nicely

"she died. We were in our flat, it was a normal day, then she just collapsed and never woke up. It was sudden, it was horrible. Thats why the agency moved me here. I went off the rails big time. They thought I was less danger in a small town" I said, looking into the sand. I didnt want to watch Haley process this, it was hard enough saying it, I heard her whisper "no" and she took a shaking breath,

"oh my god Clay. I am so sorry. So sorry. Why didnt you say anything?"

"everytime I talk about it I get back to that dark place, and I am trying so damn hard not to be that guy anymore. I lost it, I really lost it"

She looked at me and sniffed, she placed her hand lightly on my arm. It was nice to feel some warmth, it was nice to have someone to understand me, someone to listen. Suddenly I find myself wondering why I had never told anybody, especially Haley. Despite all this stuff recently, she had always made an effort with me, always been someone to listen. She was kind, compassionate.

"I could of helped you buddy. When my mum died, I felt like I would never be happy again. No matter what I did, I just felt like I was falling, like I was failing, that everything was pointless. I dont know if Nate ever told you, but I was in a really dark place. I jumped in the pool, and for a few moments, I had absolutely no intention of getting out of it. I was just trying to feel something"

"Hales I had no idea" I said, sadly. I felt guilty now. I knew Haley was low when her mum had died, I could of helped her, not that I was in the position to myself. Nate had said she was struggling but I didn't know how much. I should of known if it was enough to worry him like it had, then it was and

"when Sara died, I tried to move on and be normal. Tried to work through it, run away from the pain. But pain runs faster. I had a company car back then, I remember losing control of the car. I dont remember if I had even tried to keep it on the road. I crashed into this tree, broke my leg, and it still wasnt enough. It still didnt feel like enough"

"i wish you had told me" Haley said, sniffing and resting her head on my shoulder

"ive been so judgemental of you" she said, regret creeping into her voice

"thats not your fault. I never told you any differently" I replied. I didnt want her blaming herself, I didnt want her to have to carry any guilt

"did you feel you couldnt tell any of us?" she asked me, looking into the sea

"i wanted to, I just never found the time. And before I knew it I was in Tree Hill, living it up with Nate, Jamie, you. I didnt want to ruin that"

"Nate could of helped. I would of. I would of-" she cut herself off, not knowing what to say

"im so sorry" she said again, and I put an arm round her

"dont be sorry Hales. You were protecting Brooke. You were being mother hen. Thats what we all love about you"

"i should of tried to dig deeper with you, protect you aswell as Brooke. I knew that party boy stuff was a load of crap, I knew there was something else but I never asked"

"and I never asked you how you were after your mum. I could of tried to help before it went as far as it did. I mean out of all of us, I was the one who had experienced loss, and I just sat behind my doors and drank because that was the easy way out"

"turns out both of us are pretty good at the blame game" she smiled, and I knew that was her way of accepting things

"dork" I smiled, as we both looked into the sea

"start over?" she asked, holding out her fist for what I think was meant to be a fist bump

"what is that?" I asked, laughing at her fist

"dont ruin the moment punk" she smiled, and I laughed and fist bumped her. It felt like such a weight off my chest, I had told someone.

"ill look out for Brooke" I said to her, and she nodded

"does she know you slept with Alex?"

"im sure Alex is going to tell her"

"im sure your going to get a black eye at some point" she cackled

"hopefully she wont push me in the pool like you did Taylor. Although that was kinda hot" I grinned, looking at her, and she laughed. Thats when I knew it was all going to be ok.

Brookes pov

I got back to the table, Julian had also got back to the table. Peyton looked at me and mouthed

"weird?"

"so weird" I mouthed back at her, and I almost laughed. Thank god I had my best friend, I was trying to hold it together. I sneaked a glance at Julian, who was flickling through his phone, his eyes still a little red.

Clay and Haley were still gone

"you seen Haley?" Nathan asked

"No"

"Oh" he replied, looking outside. I think he knew that Haley was probably tearing a strip off of Clay, but that was meant to be a five minute job, not the last hour

"Nate, can I talk to you quickly?" I asked, and he nodded and excused himself. I needed to fix this. Clay was their friend and they clearly thought he was going to try something. I needed to put this right, I didn't want Clay getting all of this doubt thrown at him. The way people used to with me. It wasn't fair

We walked to the kitchen, and saw the back door open. I shrugged it off

"Clays just helping me, hes not trying to sleep with me, hes not being a sleaze, hes just helping me through a tough time. I know you and Haley are just concerned but its me asking him to do this, dont keep telling him off. Hes a good guy. Out of everyone, you two should know that"

Nathan looked a little shell shocked, for me even, that was pretty direct

"I know. I think Haley knows. She just wanted you and Julian to be happy. And Clay isnt really a settle down happy person"

"I dont want a settle down happy person, we've only known eachother a few months. What happened a boy and a girl being friends around this place?"

"how many boy-girl friendships have we had in this group that havent ended with sex?" Nathan asked, crossing his arms

"us?" I offered, then I remembered. I caught his eye and we both laughed

"mouth!" I said

"im just saying watch him"

"and im saying respect him. Hes been nothing but good to me, and I really had to push him coming to the premiere. And I think a part of that was him thinking his friends would put him down. Come on Nate, your not that guy. Me and Julian are over. We just confirmed it" I said, and he looked downcast, i shuddered a little

"and your ok?" he earnestly replied, tilting his head to the side and giving me a knowing look. He knew as well as the others did that I hid the big stuff from them

"no, but im gonna try. I cant sit by and watch him and Alex, there may not be feelings there yet but there will be"

"hes not Luke-" Nathan started

"and Alex isnt Peyton, I know. But she needs saving, just like Peyton did. And Julian wants to save her, and thats fine. But im not being second best to Alex" I watched at Nathan, pleading with him to understand, he always did understand me, me and him were cut from the same cloth.

"ok" he said, finally "as long as its what you want"

"i broke up with him. It just wasnt meant to be" I said, pouring myself some more wine, as Nathan chuckled

"dont rely on that" he said, leaning back

"god no wine, no clay, is a girl allowed any fun around here?" I asked, and caught Nathans eye again. We both chuckled

"i wonder where they both went" he mused, suddenly looking confused. Then we saw them, walking up from the beach, laughing like a couple of old friends. Definitely not what I expected

I shared a look of confusion with Nathan as they walked in

"you guys..ok?" he asked, as if he was treading on glass

"great" Haley said, with a warm smile. I exchanged a smile with Clay, who looked down a little, smiling at his feet

"Great" Nathan mimicked, and we all laughed

"you need to know something" Clay said, pointedly. Looking at me and Nate, then back to Haley, who nodded at him calmly, and shut the door

Me and Nathan both sat down, bracing ourselves

"I dont really know how to say this, but I figured I needed to tell you both, as ive just told Haley" Haley touched his arm again, and I was suddenly worried. To get Haley worked up it had to be something, me and Nate both looked at each other, a little worried at what possibly could be the topic of this conversation. Clays expression wasn't happy, and Haley looked like she was about to start crying

"when I moved to Tree Hill it wasnt just a coincidence, and it wasnt purely because of Nate. Although I know he likes to think otherwise" he said, offering Nathan a smile, and Nathan chuckled a little

"b-before I came here, I was married. To a girl called Sara. She was brilliant, she was beautiful. She was pretty damn perfect" he started, his breathing quickening.

"Did she leave when you started sleeping with all those woman?" he smiled, thinking it was a joke. Him and Haley were trying to catch him out. I saw Haley close her eyes and squeeze them, almost as if she was trying to transport herself away from the room

"No" Clay said, quietly, with a dry chuckle, not that he looked like he actually wanted to laugh

Nathan looked to Haley, querying it, but Haleys eyes were on Clay, as were mine. I was trying to guess what he was going to say next, something that perfect only ended one way. I saw him looking to speak again and I willed him not to say it

"she died. She collapsed. They think it was something to do with her brain, an anerysum that could of gone at any time. It-it was awful. I was out of control. Thats why I ended up here. My agency sent me here, they didnt want me In a big city, they thought I would drink myself to death. They saw I was good friends with Nate, so they moved me to Tree Hill where I couldnt do myself any damage"

he took a quick breath, his eyes filling up with the telltale sign of tears, along with mine. I couldnt believe it.

All of this stuff with Julian now felt so petty, and I had dragged a grieving man into it, he was struggling, I didnt even see it before. I chanced a quick look at Nathan, who looked absolutely stunned, and to boot, he looked devastated. Clay was the only male friend that Nathan had made, and in turn he was his best friend, and he had hidden something massive

"im not telling you this for sympathy, I just wanted you guys to all know the real me. Im not that guy who goes out with girls to sleep with them then hurt them, and I know thats what everyone thought my intentions with Brooke were. Its nothing to do with sleeping with her or anything I just want to be a friend to her and help her how I can, and I know with the whole manwhore thing I havent exactly helped my case so I wanted to tell you this so you all knew me. Ive wanted to tell you for ages, especially you Nate. I just told Haley and well." he trailed off, sitting down,

Nate was the first to speak "man-i-im so sorry. How did I not know this?"

"i didnt want you to feel like you had to be my client, I wanted to-"

"Clay your my agent but you then became my friend. My best friend". Clay closed his eyes, considering his response

"it was just too much. I wanted a new start. Turns out that even if I try and block it out, its always there anyway"

"All the stuff ive sai-oh jeez Clay" Nathan was now looking at his feet, looking at Haley

"its ok" Clay said, softly

"no its not ok man, you know everything about me and ive just found out your a completely different guy, some of the stuff I used to say to you, even stuff I still say to you, even just now. Ive been an ass" he said, looking at Haley, then me, then the wall "i never even asked"

"and I never even said, i let you think that. I think thats a pretty assy move of mine. Dont let it change anything Nate; just. I dont know, why I didnt tell you, its just the longer I took, the more I didnt wanna say it. I didnt want you to think I would hurt Brooke, either of you. This is the only thing that I could say that would make you realise im not that guy. But I am still your best friend. Hell, I love xbox, beers, basketball, just like you do" he said, sitting down next to Nathan, who gave him a small smirk

"Bros?" he offered, holding his fist out to Clay

he nodded and Nate patted his back, and they had some sort of awkward man hug. Haley smiled and the nodded at me. I was stood in the corner, not quite knowing what to say. Haley picked up a cake from the fridge then kicked Nathan's shin, to get him to leave. Clay smiled and nodded and watched them both go back

"Clay- I" I shook my head, I was so unsure what to say

"Brooke. Dont worry" He said, coming next to me and grabbing himself a beer, and a shot

"I knew you werent that guy" I said, pouring myself some more wine

"Thank you"

"For what its worth, im really sorry about Sara. She sounds great"

"She really was. She was funny, kind. She would of really got along with the girls round here. Even Rachel"

I put an arm around him, and he leaned his head to mine

"I didnt envision this all coming out tonight, talk about stealing your thunder" he laughed, and I cackled, the ice was officially broken again, we both smiled

"Quite a way to do it Evans"

"One more confession" he laughed a little, and I knew it was going to be something lighthearted

"I figure as she thinks we are a thing, she'll let you know, I slept with Alex"

I looked at him, in mock disgust, and gave him a small punch to the arm

"Sorry" he gave me a charming grin, and held me up a shot

"Who hasnt she slept with. Whore"

"Thats my girl" he chortled, and we both took our shots. I knew this was Clays way of shutting down the issue, but before he did

"Clay" I said, as he turned to wash a glass. He turned around

"I think what you did tonight was really brave. Im just sorry it was me that dragged it out of you"

"I think if it hadnt been dragged out I would of destroyed myself. Its actually a good thing, I needed to tell someone. I was getting a bit consumed with it all"

"Good" I said, and suddenly felt the urge to give him a hug, look after him. I almost envisioned how Julian felt about Alex, just wanting to look after someone, just wanting the best for them, not with them, but for them. i wanted Clay to be happy and I was glad he had confessed

I wrapped both my arms around him, just wanting him to feel some comfort for a few seconds. I felt him wrap his arms around my waist and place his head on my shoulder. I was almost comforting myself aswell as him

"Your a good friend Davis" he mumbled into my shoulder

"Bakers an idiot" he said, and I laughed a little, trying to conceal my tears. Julian. My Julian. But he wasn't mine anymore

"We broke up" I replied, sniffing a little, feeling him pull me in a little tighter. Part of me feeling incredibly selfish. The guy had just told me about his dead wife, and here I am, sad about my break up, typical girl. But it almost felt right, we both had a little bit of loss in our lives but in a different way, but maybe he didn't have to feel so vulnerable when i was crying swell

"Oh Brooke" he said, sadly, holding me close still, I rested my head on his shoulder and allowed a tear to fall.

We stood like that probably for about 10 minutes, I cried into his shoulder and he held me as close as he could, he pressed a small kiss to my head and told me it was going to get easier. And for once, I really felt like that might be true. If Clay, after everything he had experienced said it will get easier, then it hopefully would