Chapter 10
Matters of the Heart
She woke around 5:30, this was not her room. Disorientated at first, until she felt the a hand on her hip, she placed hers on top of it. Obviously she'd never made it off the bed and to the sofa. So much for watching over him, instead she'd slept like a baby at his side throughout the night. She wondered, who was taking care of whom?
She gently scooted on her back and looked over at him. His blue eyes were wide and stared at her. She was warmed by the affection she saw in them.
"Hey Castle. How'd you sleep?"
"Not to bad, I had some weird dreams...but waking up to you was not one of them," he reached over and laid his hand against her cheek. "You're beautiful in the morning."
"I'd blame that on the Vicodin, but I think that wore off along time ago." She teased, while inwardly trying to suppress the joy at his comment and touch.
"What kind of dreams?"
"I don't know, I felt like I was thrashing...not sure."
"I'm a little anxious, or uncertain, maybe I'm just scared..."
She rolled to her side to face him, "Scared of what Castle?"
"Of this, of...of us." He closed his eyes.
"Beckett I don't wake up with beautiful women in my bed."
"That's good to know...I like that." She smiled at him.
He shifted slightly and grimaced for a second.
"Castle, do you need me to get you some more medication?"
"Not right yet, I want to talk to you...I need a clear head." Staring at her intently again.
She took his hand in hers and pulled it against her chest.
"I woke with an old poem, or lines from a story running through my head. I was only half awake but..."
"What's the line?"
"I think it's about love and life...in whom we move and have our being..."
"It was like a musical loop, running over and over and it dawned on me that it describes our universe."
"Universe? What does that mean Castle?"
"For years, my world, the one I moved in, my day to day life...the core of my being, has been Alexis and me..."
"But there's been a shift, it's changing and I see something new, someone new..."
He paused for awhile, "My heart has a need that didn't exist before, it's being tethered, and I feel the tug..." He paused again and closed his eyes. He felt her fingers tighten around his.
He heard the rhythm of her breathing speed up, when he opened his eyes, hers were wide, "Castle...does that mean you like me?"
He smiled at her lightheartedness.
"You know Castle, most people would say...oh I don't know... I like you or, I like you a lot, but you..." She stroke his cheek.
"In whom you move and have your being?" Rubbing his face again.
"Where have you been hiding?"
"You're making fun of me Beckett." His brow furrowing.
"No, no...I am not..." It was her turn for silence.
The early morning, the hour just before dawn can be almost elastic. It slips between a night of rest and demands of the day ahead. They were suspended in the nether world for a few moments.
She began again, "I'm just taken back by your choice of words."
His face reflected a search for the right words, "What I'm saying is that you've crept into my world...the lines from the poem reminded me of it...and it's like I need to have you in my peripheral vision, when you're not here...I need to know you're near..." he paused, again closing his eyes.
"If I can't see you or hear you...I need to find you..."
When he looked at her she smiled, trying not to laugh, but failed.
"What? You are laughing at me now?"
"No, no Castle, I'm just happy...and you, are just so strange." Rubbing her hand
on his chest, beaming at him.
"OK, I need tell you what I meant to say before...before I got got side-tracked."
"You know, to try to explain how my brain is put together." He took her hands, and started.
"When I was in high school I asked a beautiful girl to a dance. I got all cleaned up, did the corsage thing and off we went. I was excited that she'd accepted and she seemed happy, until she got with her friends. Suddenly she was different after they teased her about being with me. After awhile she said she didn't feel good and asked me to take her home. So I did. When we got to her house she quickly said goodnight and got out of the car. We never spoke again. Shortly thereafter rumors started about me being weird and they seemed to stick. I thought it was no big deal, but it created a distrust, for people like her, especially for the beautiful."
"Yeah, that was eons ago, but we learn from our experiences. The lesson was to be cautious, look beyond the surface."
Kate remained silent and watched his intense eyes.
"When I met Alexis' mom, I was in the same situation again. The quiet guy and the beauty. I thought everything was fine. Gina was pretty, but looking back, I never had her heart, in fact she never even gave it to our daughter. It was all about Gina. I should have know better, but I thought I was in love. Then she cheated on me, and was gone."
He was silent and closed his eyes, for quite awhile. She wondered if he was going back to sleep. She felt his fingers first and then he spoke.
"In looking back, I never really gave my heart to her either."
"We'd really blown the marriage and I was part of the problem. It wasn't just Gina."
"I wasn't wounded or damaged...I'm still not. But I know one thing for certain, I have a duty to Alexis, to be wiser than before."
"I'm all she has Beckett. I don't have time to grow-up, it's done."
Beckett smiled, freed a hand and rubbed it along his face and jaw. " I think you've grown-up just fine."
"The point is I'm driven by caution. I'm always on guard against the …."
"Against what Castle?"
"The beautiful ones, or just about anyone..."
She wrinkled her face, reflecting frustration, " How do I ask this?"
"Just ask?"
"So I'm part of some dangerous beautiful group?" Before he could answer she added, "If you say no, I hit you. If you say yes, your sleeping with the enemy."
"Wrong Beckett! Yes, you're beautiful!"
"Tell me you don't know that?" He huffed in disbelief.
"Not really," she rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling.
"Beckett, come on...how can you not know that?" He pulled at his hand but she wouldn't let go.
"I'm just me?" She replied but with a pout in her tone.
"Because in my universe...the beautiful always know it."
Now back up on her elbow facing him, " You think I'm using you?"
"No, I don't, but..." without finishing his thought.
"But what?" She pushed.
"Castle I'm in your bed, I've spent three of the last four nights with you."
"Technically you're on my bed." Followed by a weak smile.
"I'm sorry but I still have my warning flags to deal with..." He stopped mid-sentence and winced.
She sat-up immediately, "Castle, I'm getting you some more pain meds, now."
"No Beckett! I can't take that junk and go to work."
"We're not going to work today! I'll be right back." She pulled the blanket around her and made her way off to the kitchen.
XX
She found Alexis at the kitchen table, with hot chocolate and a bowel of cereal.
She looked up and smiled as Beckett walked in, "How's Dad today?"
Beckett was embarrassed at coming out of Castle's bedroom. It was clear, again, that no one had slept on the sofa.
"He's still in pain, I'm just getting him some more medication."
She stopped and looked at the young girl, "Thank you Alexis for covering me up last night."
"Your welcome Kate, I'm glad you're here for him. He's delighted in your attention." Beckett laughed.
"Was that funny?" Alexis turned to look at her.
"Yeah sort, he seems...afraid of me. I was just laughing at the word delighted."
"Detective, I love my Dad, but he doesn't always know what makes him happy. But I think I have a good idea." She paused, started to say something, but stopped.
Beckett thought Alexis was blushing, but then she could feel heat spread across her own cheeks. "Thank you."
"I heard what you told my Dad." The two turned and faced each other.
"Told him?" Beckett was honestly confused.
"On Saturday morning."
"When, on Saturday morning?" Still not sure what the young girl was saying.
"That you're going to marry him."
"Oh, that." Beckett wondered what this all looked and sounded like to Alexis. She was standing in their home. Wrapped in their blanket, having just spent the night in in bed with her Father. Could it be worse?
"Alexis...I don't know how to explain that to you." Alexis just stared.
"I've never...never said those words to any man in my entire life. I would never say such a thing." She looked down at her bare feet, sticking out from beneath the blanket.
"When I spent Saturday with you and your Dad, looking for your dress...I don't think I have ever been happier. I ...I had just a wonderful time."
"The way your Dad treated you...the way he treated me, just...it just blew me away."
"Early Saturday morning, like 3am we were talking...and I just blurted it out."
"We fell back to sleep, him on the sofa and me on the floor. When we woke up, he thought it was just a dream."
"I didn't want him to think that, so I guess you heard me remind him."
"Alexis, I'm not trying to crowd into your lives...but my heart, it wants him."
"When he dove in front of the creep to protect me..." She looked down again, a tear slipped down her cheek.
"Detective, you don't have to explain loving my Dad, I get that. You didn't have to tell me all you did, I already knew. I could tell from the picture on the night of the dance."
"But also from the way you've cared for him, the way you look at him."
"Thank you Alexis."
"Beckett, Beckett..." Castles voice came from the bedroom.
"Yikes, I'm suppose to get him some pain pills." She grabbed the glass of water from the counter and along with the bottle of pills and headed for the bedroom.
XX
"Espo, hey it's me."
"Beckett, how you feeling?"
"Ah, ah...not too good. My nose is really bothering me." She lied.
" So how's the man?" Espo asked with some jesting in his voice.
"What man?" Feigning insult.
"Beckett, your voice sounds much clearer today. You left here yesterday at 3:45 like you're on a mission."
"So, how is he?"
"He's not feeling to good." Her voice sagged at being busted.
"Could you tell the Captain, I'm not feeling good. I'll be out for a few days. But I want updates...especially on the manager and the assistant. Got it?"
"Got it." She ended the call.
XX
"Monica, good morning, this is Detective Beckett."
"Good morning Detective, I recognized your voice."
"I'm calling for Mr. Castle. He's pretty KO'd today. We're going to see if he can get into his personal doctor. Can you let his boss know that for him?"
"Of course. Everyone was worried about him yesterday. A few have already asked this morning."
"We'll call and let you know what the doctor has to say, and Monica, Thank you."
"Glad to hear from you, I'm glad he's in good hands."
XX
Dr. Light was an old family doctor. He was happy to see Castle. He had a small clinic in the Bronx he'd been running for years. Castle laughed and then winced when he told Beckett that Alexis thought he was really a veterinarian, suggesting she tended to the dramatic.
"Richard how you doing?"
"Dr. Light, I'm not great!"
"By the way this is a friend Kate Beckett."
"Well Ms. Beckett, nice to meet you. So, what happened to your nose?"
"Doctor, Rick and I got, sorta beat-up on a subway platform, breaking-up a fight."
"You shouldn't do that." He shook his finger at her, "You should've called the police."
"She is the police Doctor." Castle laughed again, but immediately groaned.
"Tell me what hurts Rick."
Twenty minutes later they left, with a rib brace and a new prescription, Norco in place of Vicodin. Further the doctor was ordering him off work for the rest of the week.
After the doctor office they stopped at a deli and had a sandwich. Castle took two more Vicodin, they'd get the new prescription filled on the way home.
When they finally returned to the the apartment, it was almost 4pm and Castle was exhausted. It had only been three hours but it proved too much for him.
Beckett helped him onto the sofa, he laid back and closed his eyes.
"Let me take off your shoes Castle." She knelt and undid his laces, slipping off his shoes. He placed his feet on the coffee table and exhaled.
"How about a blanket and you rest for a bit?"
"Beckett, you're..." He was interrupted by a knock at the door.
"Stay still," she said and made her way to the door. She swung it open and was surprised.
"Is this the Castle residence?" The happy looking young-man asked. In his hands was a large vase, filled with two or maybe three dozen red roses, set off with greenery and baby's breath.
"It is," Beckett responded.
"Delivery for Richard Castle." He beamed until the card slipped and fell on the floor.
"I'm sorry," but Beckett picked it up before he could move to retrieve it.
After he left she sat the beautiful flowers on the coffee table, away from his feet and handed him the card.
"I wonder who sent these?" To Beckett he looked genuinely surprised.
He handed her back the card, "Can you open this and read it?"
Beckett opened the card and read, "Get well soon. Always, Linda."
"Wow, that was nice of her."
Beckett's nostrils flared, "Who's Linda?"
"Just one of the accountants at work."
"Always? Really? What the hell is that?" Beckett began to pace.
"Beckett, please don't me laugh...but you are so funny." He held his side to avoid any shaking.
"What's so funny?" She glared at him, hands on her hips.
"Nothing...just you kinda act..."
"What Castle? Just spit it out."
"Ah, jealous?"
XX
Alexis arrived about 15 minutes after the flowers, entering like a storm.
"Hey Dad! Kate! How are you two?"
She turned her attention to the flowers before they could speak. " Wow beautiful flowers, where'd they come from?
Beckett snarled, "Someone at work, named Linda!"
"Dad, is she still chasing you?"
"She was never chasing me!" Trying to sounding innocent.
Alexis shook her head looked at Beckett, "Men are just so lame!"
Beckett chimed in, "Ya think?"
"Alexis, don't encourage her. She's already knotted up over a couple of flowers."
"You mean thirty-six red roses? A couple?" Her face still in Rambo mode.
"By the way, Mr. Castle, while you closed your eyes for 5 minutes, I looked up your company web site, Linda Gallo looks like an Amazon."
"What is she six feet tall, blond hair and ...are those boobs even real?"
Alexis laughed and spit out the water she had just taken a sip of, "Oh Dad she's got your number."
"Both of you are crazy..."
"I'm locked in an apartment with two crazy woman, who've drugged me." He pretended offense, but clearly loved ever moment of this.
XX
"Ryan, tell me you and Espo have something for me."
"I'm sorry, who's calling? I don't recognize the voice...wait I do."
"Yo Espo, Florence Nightingale is on the horn."
"You mean Nurse Betty?" She heard Espo say with laughter.
"You know, you still work for me, and..."
"Down Beckett! Down. You need to chill, just pulling your chain."
"Yeah, I'll pull your chain, Now tell me something." He did.
"There are more connections between, Smith, Morris the assistant manager, the nerd Wade and Lilly."
"Morris and Lilly both took classes from Wade, based on the reimbursement records. We know Smith had to know about the classes since it was his initials are on the approval of payment forms."
Esposito chimed in, "We're now running phone records between all four."
"It'll include office, home land-lines and cells."
"This is good guys, looks like we're finally catching some breaks." Beckett's optimism was growing.
XX
Wednesday was quiet. The new pain medication made Castle sleepy but really knocked down the pain. It allowed him some restful sleep and he appeared to be felling a little better.
The doctor instructed him to take the medication every four hours, whether he thought he needed it or not. The point was to keep the pain levels down and not delay the healing process. The biggest danger for him was pneumonia, so he wanted Castle up and moving.
They took several walks and again had lunch out. They enjoyed one another's company and chatted about anything and everything. Oblivious to the world around them.
They stopped for something hot, Beckett held a cup of coffee to her lips like it was a sacrament, "This is so good. I'm embarrassed over what an addict I am to this stuff."
As she looked across the street, watching the world go by she saw Castle watching her out of the corner of her eye.
"Castle what are you looking at?"
"You know Detective! You're a beautiful thing."
"You know Mr. Castle, I've busted people with less narcotics in their blood stream?" But glowed in the compliment.
That evening the three of them had dinner at home. It was a fun meal, they listened to Alexis tell about her day and then told her about theirs.
"Doesn't sound like you did much, no movies, no shopping, just walking and hot drinks."
"Pumpkin we had a wonderful time, just roaming. It's tough keeping Beckett out of trouble, and street-fights." He smiled.
Beckett had walked to the sink to put away a plate. She returned to the table and stood behind Castle's chair, putting her hands on his shoulders, and bent down to kiss the top of his head. "Alexis, this man is full of it, as usual."
"You're telling me, raising him has been a real task." They girls laughed, Castle just smiled.
"So what's up for tomorrow's recovery agenda?" Alexis looked to each for an answer.
Beckett returned to her chair, "What do you wanna do Castle?"
"Sleep."
"Besides sleep? Hey, how about a movie?"
"I don't think you can be trusted in a dark theater." Pushing at her hand.
"Really, you think I'm the problem here?"
"I'm am not even touching that Beckett."
"Let me shift gears then, I have to go into the office on Friday and do …."
"What a minute, you get me grounded and then go work?"
"Beckett that's just crap and you know it. If I can't work, why should you get to?"
"Because I'm not loaded on Norco for starters."
"First of all, I'm not loaded." With a slight but noticeable slur to his speech.
Alexis laughed, "Yeah Dad, your loaded!"
"Alexis, who's team are you on anyway?" She pointed at Kate.
"Really, you're throwing me under the bus and going with her on this?"
"Absolutely Dad. You're truly a space cadet. It's really funny to watch."
"Fine, go in on Friday Beckett, abandon me." Alexis gave a knowing smile to Beckett and laughed.
"So, Castle...was that so hard?"
"Was what so hard?" Beckett crossed her arms and stared at him.
He looked sheepishly down at the table, "Let's just say I would prefer your company Detective."
She grabbed his hand and kissed it, "Well for the record, I would prefer to be here with you."
"OK, either stop or I'm gonna gag." Alexis stood and headed to the sink.
XX
The sofa was made and ready for Beckett. She'd checked on Castle after her shower. He was propped on his left side, a book on the bed, but it had slipped from his hand and now lay closed.
She softly padded across the room and turned off the light. As she turned to leave, he said sleepily, "Beckett."
"Castle go to sleep, you exhausted."
"Beckett, please get in bed. I want you near."
"I'll lay here beside you for awhile," as she moved around to the other side of the bed.
"No Beckett, not on...in."
"Castle your daughter is in the next room." She protested.
Fully awake now "I'm practically a cripple. I need help with everything, trust me you're safe, and she knows it."
She removed the robe and slid into bed.
"Beckett, over here."
"You are certainly demanding Mr. Castle."
"A man has needs...I need you in my arms." He felt her slide against him gently. He wrapped his feet around hers.
"You make an incredible nurse. I should get hurt more often." His arms wrapped across her stomach, she burrowed in some more.
"Goodnight Castle."
He could feel the pain medication taking its effect. He kissed the side of her neck and then up to her forehead. "Goodnight Kate."