Chapter 12
Monsters at Large
It had been a two weeks since they'd both returned to work. Castle was moving about without the constant pain, except with deep breathing and excessive laughter.
At the 12th the crew was working background searches on the bank employees, along with phone numbers, emails and computer records.
The Judge had agreed to sign the subpoena for the broad SSA number search. If accounts were found to be using the bad SSA numbers, he indicated he would allow a subsequent subpoena to force the bank to turn over the specific account information.
Castle simply did not have the stamina to work the evenings after his regular job. He was terribly behind after the week off and struggled to catch-up but his interest remained peaked for progress on the NYPD case. He told Beckett he could work for a short time after work, but she forbid it.
They met for lunch each day. She had come by twice and brought him something to eat. On one occasion Linda Gallo was sitting in Castle's office when Beckett arrived with lunch. He felt the air go cold, when Beckett entered. While he was delighted to see her, Gallo was not.
"Rick when you get a chance to look at those issues, please give me a call."
"Detective, what police work brings you to our office?"
"Just lunch for Rick." She smiled but looked like she could bite.
"Take out! Not the way to the a man's heart." Gallo strolled out.
"Castle...I might really have to kill her." She huffed through gritted teeth.
"You have nothing to worry about with her." But he could see she wasn't dissuaded by his words.
"Hey, this isn't jealousy is it Detective?"
"Damn straight I'm jealous, and you know it." He got up and walked over to her and pulling her in for a hug.
"I'm flattered, but seriously there's no contest here Beckett, absolutely none."
As they ate Beckett calmed down. Castle did not tell her, but he was more than flattered by her anger. This emerald eyed beauty had pushed him over the edge. The fire in her eyes only made his heart beat faster. He wanted to let go of his remaining reserve, but his own history would not let him do so, at least not yet.
He feared that he would fall hopelessly in love with her, and then, she'd drift. He wondered what would happen if the doctor came back, what ever his name was, and convinced her to reconsider their breakup. Would she be able to resist? He knew she could have a full, and rich life, as a doctor's wife. He would never be able to offer her such luxury.
"Hey, where did you go?" Beckett reached over and touched his arm.
"Sorry, I was just zoning out." But she'd seen the look, the flash of fear, or questioning of something. When he'd talked about his marriage unraveling, the hurt it had caused, the distrust he had for long term relationships. It was all there, lurking behind his sad smile. A darkness that shadowed his deep blue eyes.
She leaned forward and took his hand, "That look in your eye scares me."
She slowly spoke, "When you say I have nothing to worry about with her, do you mean it?"
"Yes! Absolutely. It's not her, it's..."
"It's what Castle? Tell me...tell me what's out there, what do you see that casts that shadow over you?"
"It's you." He looked down at his hands.
"What about me worries you Rick?" She put her lunch down and leaned against his desk.
"Beckett you've run off with my heart," he looked at some spot over her head.
"And?"
"I'm not sure you're here to stay."
"The scenarios I run in my head, with you gone...well...none are good."
"I think about you leaving...going back to your doctor, or someone..." He paused and looked up at her. He was surprised to see her eyes glassy and near tears.
"Kate, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."
"Castle, can we close this door?" Pointing at his office door, "For a couple of minutes?"
"Yeah, of course." He rose and shut the door quickly. When he turned back, she was on her feet and wrapped her arms around him.
"Rick I would never do that to you." Her eyes reflecting a wounded heart.
"I don't think this is the place, and we really need to talk, but before I go back to work, I need to tell you something."
"I've thought in the past that I was in love, but I wasn't. I was infatuated or trying to live out my idea of what love meant. Like kids, playing cowboys or playing tea party, it was all just that...playing."
"As an adult I played love. Did the things I thought meant I was in love, but it was all pretense."
"Do you know how I know that? Do you know what my irrefutable proof is... do you?" He was taken back by the intent look on her face and her urgent tone.
"No, I don't know what kind proof there is for that." He sounded defeated in his answer.
"It's surprising simple." She smiled at him, "When I fell in love...all the counterfeit loves were exposed. They couldn't stand in the light of real love. I realized I had been waiting for the real thing, for the one."
She just stared into his earnest face, "Don't look so confused...it really is simple."
"I love you...and everything makes sense for me."
She smiled and added, "It's why I told you I'm going to marry you."
"You wonder if I would leave, go back...To where? To whom Rick?"
"After true love, who could I turn to?"
"There is no one after you, I'm not leaving."
"Beckett, I..." But she continued.
"I heard you say something to Alexis about, the heart wanting what the heart wants. I think there's more to it. The heart wants, but it also knows. And when it knows, there are no more questions."
During her monologue, they'd returned to their chairs, she looked down at her watch, "Oh crap, I have a meeting in 10 minutes, I gotta go."
She stood, turned and pulled open his door and stopped. Spinning around she returned to Castle's chair, leaned down, kissed his cheek and whispered, "I love you Mr. Castle," and was out the door.
Castle sat for at least a full minute before he could even move. He wondered to himself, What was with that woman? She tells him two weeks after they meet that she's going to marry him, and then before he even has a chance to declare his love, she announces hers. What a strange and wonderful thing is Kate Beckett.
As Beckett was about to exit the building Monica called out, "Detective, he seems to be making a good recovery, thanks for taking care of him. He didn't look to good for awhile there."
"Monica, you don't have to thank me, I wouldn't have it any other way."
"I can tell that by the look on your face." Beckett blushed, Monica giggled. Beckett rushed out the door.
Within a minute of Beckett's departure Monica sensed someone behind her, she turned to see Linda Gallo, "Why is that woman here so often?"
"I'm sorry?" Monica said,playing dumb. "Who?"
"That skinny dark-haired tomboy looking cop, who seems to be stumbling all over Rick."
"I think she's just been concerned about his injuries."
"If she's concerned, she can take him to ER, but she's acting like a wet nurse."
Monica mustered all her control to stop from laughing out loud and said nothing.
Ms. Gallo was on a roll, "You should have seem them at his apartment, they looked like a couple of love birds, it was disgusting. Concern my foot." She turned and disappeared done the hall.
Monica watched her and mumbled, "Oh yeah, love birds it is."
XX
Beckett returned to her own meeting, three minutes after the scheduled start time.
She had gathered her team and a couple of computer guys. Her intent was to review all the current information. Then see if the tech guys could start the matching process with the phony SSA numbers and see if they showed up on any of the bank's accounts.
As they were about to start, Ryan walked up to Beckett, "Whats so funny?"
She looked at him, confused. "What do you mean?"
"You...you're wall-to-wall smiles, so tell me the joke." He waited.
"There is no joke? Honestly."
"OK, so where have you been? And why are you late? Beckett is never late."
"Ah, I'm right here you don't have to talk as though I'm not."
"So where?"
She smiled and turned to the small group. "Everyone, thank you for meeting, sorry we're starting a couple minutes late."
Ryan leaned on the desk beside Esposito. " So, what's with smiley up there?"
"My guess, she been with him!" Pausing when she glanced their direction, "And she's somewhere between smitten and hammered...the boss is in love."
Beckett turned again and caught talking, just as they finished their assessment, "Is there something one of you'd like to add?"
"No boss, we're good, just taken it all in!" Esposito gave her a million dollar smile.
She glared at them and turned back to the rest.
XX
After work on Friday, Castle and Beckett met. They made their way to Grand Central to catch the Number 7 home. Beckett was animated, almost giddy. She was happy in her declaration of love, and, happy to be with Castle. She walked beside him, half-facing him while holding onto his arm. She looked like an excited school girl on an outing.
"Beckett, I need some joe." Looking around for a coffee place.
"Me too!" He laughed at her immediate response.
"You always want coffee, but if you get anymore wound-up, you're gonna pop."
"No, really I'm draggin, I'm just happy to see you." She stopped him, and leaned her head against his shoulder, he kissed the top of it.
"OK, here's Starbucks, you want the usual?" She nodded.
The corridors are wide in the Grand old station. Across from Starbucks and down a bit Dr. Josh Davidson stood and watched as his former girl hang onto and practically dance around the bookkeeper. She still had some of his stuff, he hoped that when he picked it up they could talk some sense into her and maybe patch things up. The scene before him wasn't encouraging. But maybe she wasn't as happy as she seemed, maybe this was just a show. He still hoped he could win her back.
He watched the bookkeeper go into Starbucks and stand in the line. He seemed to be killing time on his phone. Beckett was standing outside waiting. He made his way to her.
"Hey, Kate." He tried to sound upbeat.
"Josh." He tone was even, maybe even flat.
"You heading home?" He asked matter-a-factly.
"Castle and I stopped for coffee." She pointed to him standing in the line.
He decided it was time to tell her what he thought, "Kate, are you sure about what you're doing?" adding a sigh.
"We were together for two years. Do you really want to throw that away?"
"Josh, it's over. Things have changed, I had to be honest with myself. This is what's right for me."
"But you run to him….a bookkeeper? Why?"
"Josh, I didn't run to him. We were done, whether we wanted to admit it or not.
She paused for a beat, "Josh, this is right for me." Choosing to ignore the disparaging comment about Castle.
"Fine Kate, I get it, clearly I'm not getting through?" She said nothing.
He switched gears, "Can I come by tomorrow and pick up my stuff?" His words were curt and cold.
"That's fine, just call to make sure I'm there." Castle was exiting Starbucks and walked toward them. His face in a neutral mask.
"See you later Kate." Josh turned and walked away before Castle arrived.
She watched Castle as he approached. She could see his eyes were shrouded, the levity they shared before he'd walked into Starbucks, was now gone.
"Was that..." He asked.
"Yes, but it doesn't matter." She saw his eyes follow the doctor as he walked away. She thought she saw the same look she'd seen at the office, concern and doubt mixed together.
"Castle!" She tugged on his sleeve gently, he turned his attention back to her.
"Castle," now placing her hand on his face, "It's you I love, only you."
His smile was weak, but better, "Coffee?" he handed her the cup.
She looked at it, "Venti, wow, we're living large." She bumped into him and laughed.
XX
There are those moments, between sleep and waking when one can be tossed in the world of giants. Things, places, monsters that slay us or send us running in fear. Castle tossed in that nether world for hours and hours, but then he felt it. The warmth of the other, breathing softly beside him. He stirred awake, and looked at her, and the fears that had stolen her during the night fled.
He leaned over and kissed her shoulder. He had been fearful of this beauty coming into his life. Sneaking into his heart and then disappearing like a mirage. He shuttered at the idea of her absence, for any length of time. He knew he was a goner. He was so far down the rabbit hole of love, there'd be no escape, nor was there any will left in him to do so.
Still the nagging fear of her leaving gnawed away at his sub-conscience. He replayed the walk from Starbucks while she stood stood and talked with the doctor. In his dream, or really his nightmare, he could not get to her in time, something pulled at him, held him back. In the dream she walked off with the doctor, arm-in-arm, glancing over her shoulder at him. He cannot read her eyes, it is sadness or pity, he can't tell, but she's gone, and he's alone.
He studied the ceiling, tried to get comfortable but failed. The scene kept replaying, even though he was awake. He wanted to extract a promise from her, some magical incantation that would assuage his fears. It was all ridiculous, she's here, she's with him. She'd pledged her love, repeatedly. He tells himself to get a grip, to buck-up. But there it is again, arm-in-arm, her looking back at him, and they're gone.
"Castle," her voice cut through darkness, he startled.
"Kate, you surprised me." His voice is breathless.
"Castle", her hand resting on his chest, "you've been thrashing, saying no, no..."
"No what Castle?"
"Just a bad dream, I'm sorry I bothered you. Go back to sleep".
He feels her arm slide across his chest as she pulls herself onto his left side. Her lips kiss his neck, "Tell me the dream," she whispers to him. And so he does.
"Oh Castle, what can I say, what can I do?"
"Kate it was just a dream, that's all."
"My head and my heart know you're not going anywhere. I can't stop the dreams, but you're here. He kissed her, held her tight,"Go back to sleep."
XX
He watched her as she sat on the sofa, legs tucked beneath her, cup of coffee clutched her hands. She was watching the news, lost in the story, he was lost in her.
When the news person finished, she turned to look at him. He was busted. His chin was resting on his folded hands, elbows propped on the table and eyes fixed on her.
"You like what you see?" She sounded like she just caught a peeping tom.
"I love what I see." Never moving, not a moment of hesitation.
She sat down the coffee cup, rose from the sofa, and with blanket in tow, she scooted towards him, her wool cape trailing. She dropped her arms over his shoulders and buried her face in his neck, kissing up to his ear.
"Good morning you two!'" Alexis' voice froze Beckett in place, she thought she was still asleep.
"Hey Pumpkin, how'd you sleep?" Castle asked cheerfully.
"Good Dad."
"Don't mind this woman hanging on me. I left the door open." He laughed softly.
Beckett swatted him, "Good morning Alexis!"
"He begged me to kiss him and since he let me sleep on his sofa...I felt obliged." Now she smiled.
"I'm certainly not a Detective, but I don't think that sofa's been slept on in weeks." Alexis smiled at the pair before her.
"Ouch! The Detective has been busted." Castle added with laughter in his voice.
Alexis was embarrassed. Normally she would never tease an adult, but she liked Beckett, a lot, and she'd made her Dad so happy. It made Alexis happy and playful.
"Detective, if you can put up with him, you can sleep anywhere you want."
"Thank you Alexis. I love putting-up with him." She bent again and kissed the side of his cheek. His arm snaked up held her against him closely.
"What's for breakfast!" the young girl asked as she walked towards the kitchen.
"The best Belgium waffles this side of mid-town." Castle using an announcer like voice.
The three laughed and teased through breakfast. The Belgium waffles were of course, Mickey Mouse shaped. Alexis needed whipped cream and bacon on the side. Castle dutifully created his daughter's favorite breakfast. He delivered the plate with a peck on the head.
Beckett silently admired the way he fused over his 'baby bird'. She smiled as the two interacted with such ease. On his return to the waffle iron he'd stop and kiss the top of Kate's head, she'd swat at him, but relished each pass.
After breakfast Alexis was off to shower. She wanted to do some shopping with friends at a village of shops nearby.
"Castle, I need to go to my apartment and do some laundry, and cleaning."
"I have a washer and dryer!"
"Castle, I can't spend everyday here."
"I'm not asking you to spend every day, just this one." He had moved to where she sat and leaned against her.
"Castle, you say that everyday."
"Maybe it's because I'm a slow healer." Attempting to look sad and weak.
"Or, maybe it's because you're full of..."
"Detective, there are young ears in the house. No cop talk!" Scolding her.
"I think you've milked the wounded me thing...to death."
"I'll do anything to keep you hovering over me Detective." Again smiling. But he noticed a change in her, a stiffing as he leaned against her.
"I need to tell you something," she said sounding suddenly serious.
"You're running off with the milk-man?"
"No." Followed by silence more silence.
"Oh oh, what is it?" Now he was serious.
"It's not an oh, oh."
"Last night when we ran into Josh, he said he wanted to come by today and pick-up some things he left at my place."
Castle said nothing.
"If you want you're welcome to be there with me?"
"Kate, do you want me there?" He asked tentatively.
"I don't want you to be upset or worried. I just wanted you to know. I can handle Josh..."
After a pause he answered, "Kate, I need to run some errands too and do some shopping. If you need me, just call."
After his answer he thought to himself, of course he wanted to be there. But not for the right reasons. He had to get over his insecurities. He didn't need to test her. He didn't doubt her, his doubts were his own.