Name: Reckless Abandonment
Author: Nesma
Disclaimer: Obviously not mine.
A/N: Huzzah for chapter 3. Tried my best to fix some of the glaring errors. Hope you enjoy it regardless.

"You look tired"

Lily shot Marlene the meanest, menacingly glare that she could possible muster at the early hours of seven AM. Expecting Marlene to shut up or at least stop making comments; she was annoyed by the fact that Marlene choked on her pumpkin juice and laughed hysterically afterwards.

"What, are you sick or something?" Marlene managed to gasp out during her laughs.

Lily took a piece of toast (which had strawberry jam all over it) and threw at Marlene, who ducked and the toast. Which was unfortunate since it hit the next target, Peter Pettigrew. The toast landed squarely on the side of his face, and his face was quick to reflect the utter revolt he had at having breakfast food thrown in his face.

At this, Marlene laughed harder while Emmeline and Alice giggled into their napkins, while Lily turned bright red. Gaping like a fish thrown onto land, she apologized profusely to Peter while the toast fell in a dignified manner from his face. He attempted to wipe off the jam from his robe and face, but ended up smearing the jam, creating an odd sort of blush for his face.

"Peter I'm so sorry-" Started, even standing up from her seat and walking around the end of the table to reach him. Peter was quick to retreat backwards, his hands up in defense.

"Don't worry Lily! It's no big deal, look-Scrougify" At once, his robe became clean and the jam was wiped off his face. He smiled brightly towards Lily, as he took a seat next to the laughing Marlene while Lily gave him another apologetic look. After feeling secure that there was nothing more she could really do to amend the matters, she walked over to her chair. Peter eyed Marlene warily as the girl's laughter started to die down.

"Is she going to be alright?" Peter asked, reaching over to start piling his plate with food.

Lily rolled her eyes, "Of course she will be. Nothing wakes her up then giving me a hard time-"

"Heard what happened yesterday on the train with James." Peter said quickly, taking a bite out of his toast as Lily gingerly picked up her fork.

"I doubt there is anyone here who hasn't heard what happened between the pair of us." Lily said quietly, stabbing at her eggs.

"You know, I haven't really seen this side of him for a while now." Peter said, taking a noisy bite.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily asked, feeling her eyebrows raised as Peter shrugged his shoulders.

"I mean, sure he tends to show off. But this anger? Hm, more likely to see it in Sirius, on account of his whole family being completely demented and all."

"Remus mentioned something might have happened…" Lily trailed, narrowing her eyes at Peter who loudly gulped down the food.

"Well. That's for me to know. But, Remus is certainly right. It's actually amazing that he hasn't blown up a toilet seat if I'm being completely honest." Peter said, grinning as Lily gave him a confused look.

"Ah, the mysteries of James Potter. And you're just diving in." Peter said, as if it were an inspiration that Lily was getting to know James. She wasn't sure if she should take it as a warning.

"Hey, can I speak to you for a second?" Lily asked, after Professor McGonagall dismissed the 7th years from their first N.E.W.T Transfiguration class of the year. James nodded as he shoved his books in his bags and lifted the bag upon his shoulder.

"You have a free period, right?" James asked and Lily nodded. "Perfect, we can go to the common room, well, our common room." James said, as the two walked silently side by side.

"So, what's this about" James asked, as they reached the common room. Dropping his bag to the ground as Lily climbed through.

"Well, it's about your anger issues." Lily said, wincing as she realized how pompous she sounded.

"Ah, so Remus did talk to you-" James said, a hint of smile playing on his lips. His hands stuffed into the pockets of his robe as Lily averted her gaze.

"I think he's worried-" Lily cut in gingerly, as James rolled his eyes.

"As is Peter." James said knowingly, as he wondered over to the arm chair and collapsed into the seat.

"How did you know?" Lily asked, sitting on the coffee table that was across from him. James merely shrugged, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"I mean, the bloke can hardly lie. But I'm fine, I just… I wasn't kidding when I had a rough few weeks." James said wearily, rubbing his eyes and his glasses awkwardly bumped up to his forehead.

"Anything I should know about? Anything that would get in the way of you being an amazing Head Boy?" Lily said, wringing her hands together as James eyed the fireplace.

"There's the upbeat Lily Evans." He said drily, and Lily felt her stomach tighten. And though she had a few biting words to throw at him, she realized that perhaps today wasn't the day to hurl them at him.

Instead, today was the day to make amends. There will, no doubt, be other days in which James Potter will be an arse.

"I've… I've had a bad few weeks too. I say we start over, ignore what happened on the train and try to just do our job."

"Fair enough." James said, throwing out a hand and Lily took it and shook it vigorously.

After all, there were secrets that she didn't want him to know and it seemed as if James had a few that he wanted to protect as well.

Lily was wondering through her house, searching for her yellow blouse. She was certain that Petunia stole it for her 'big date' with her Vernon. Yet, parading the launder room and took a quick search in Petunia's room, she had no luck in finding yellow blouse.

She quickly weighed the pros and cons of asking Petunia for the blouse, on one hand, Petunia would shriek for about a billion years and then give back the blouse; and then Petunia would give the silent treatment to compensate for her banshee like shrieks. Lily stole a glance at the clock – it was only an hour before her date with Steven.

One of her last dates with him, the day after tomorrow she was off towards Hogwarts. Away from him, her family, and her muggle friends. Yet, it was important that she looked 'pretty' for him and that she treated him 'nicely' as her mom hinted earlier that day. Lily was just off to go downstairs to see if her sister was on the phone when she heard voices coming from her mother's room.

"… And then, he blew up on me! Screaming that he was right and that he would not tolerate my attitude!" An angry snarl soon followed and Lily immediately noticed that it was the voice of her darling sister. Lily was always up to hear juicy stories about Victor.

She quietly tip toed near the room, sliding up against the wall so that her sister wouldn't see her.

"Lily! Darling, is that you? Aren't you supposed to be getting ready for Steven?" Her mom cried out as she opened the door to find Lily plastered against the wall, her lips twisted into a guilty smile.

"Yeah, but I'm looking for my-"

"Never mind, come in here, what I'm about to tell Tuney will be important for you to hear too." Her mother said quickly, as she pulled Lily into the room.

Lily awkwardly stood in the middle of the room, her arms crossed over her chest as Tuney shot nasty looks through her blood shot eyes, sniffing every so often. Lily hesitantly sat cross legged on the floor, while Tuney blew into the handkerchief she was holding.

Their mother quietly shut the door and quickly walked over to her girls as she sat on the bed with Tuney.

"You can't always be so… smart around your husband." Their mom started, as Tuney and Lily shared looks of confusion.

"Mother, what are you saying? This is the 70's! It's not exactly the 50's…"

"Believe me, your life will be easier if you just let your men win the fight. And if he is wrong, switch the argument in such a way that he gets the right answer without loosing his pride." The mother stated harshly, as she creased out the wrinkles in her dress. "It's the only way to be happy in a marriage, it's the only way to have any power in a marriage…"

"Mother! Do you even realize what you're saying? Tricking your husband is not power… that's weak. You have to be assertive. Tuney has every right to stand up to Vernon and tell him that he's wrong!" Lily barked out.

"Lily. Listen for me, for once in your stubborn life, listen to me!" Their mother yelled out, with such venom and volume, that the two girls did nothing but shut their mouth. The two girls stared at their mother fearfully as their mother took deep breaths and stared down at her girls.

"I've sacrificed a lot for this family. There were battles that I didn't bother fighting with your dad, there were times where I didn't voice my thoughts and changed my opinions to match your father's. It sounds horrible, I know women are getting more rights. But that doesn't change the dynamics in a marriage, a family. How many times have you two been a fight and realized it would have been better to have stayed quiet? Being in a marriage requires that you're… dominant. You have to mold to your husband's likening. And if there's children involved – then it's not about you anymore. Not even close."

Lily had a hard time taking everything in. She had a hard time believing that this was coming from her mother's mouth, and she couldn't calm her stomach from making the knots and twists; she could practically taste the bile in the back of her throat. She looked at her sister for support, but found to her horror that she was nodding along silently, as the tears streaked down her face.

"Our lives, are reduced to nothing then household chores and looking good for your husband. Your lives will be like mine, filled with dirty dishes, full diapers and plenty of dinner parties. But it all leads to the ultimate goal – a happy family. Who wouldn't want that?" The mother said calmly. A dreamy look passed her face and Lily could hardly believe that this was the women who raised her.

Lily didn't want dirty dishes, she didn't want household chores, and she didn't want to be planning out Steven's dinner parties. She wanted a life, she wanted excitement, she wanted passion, she wanted magic, she desired for everything that her mother was against. And she hardly doubt, that a 'happy family' would satisfy her. Especially if she hated her husband and was forced to look after his bratty kids.

"I'll call him, apologize." Petunia said weakly, as she stood from the bed, trembling as she made her way to the door. Just as she reached the doorway, she said quietly. "Your blouse is drying outside, it should be done." Then, she left the room and padded down the stairs.

Lily left the room hastily and brushed the tears from her face. Her future was thrown in front of her in surround system and crisp images. It scared her more then anything, her heart pounding and she was breathing heavily as she pulled the blouse from the drying rack and hurrying up the stairs.

Shutting her door quietly when she would have rather slammed it, she leaned over her bed as her breaths came out in wheezes. Tears prickling her eyes.

The only comfort she had, was knowing that Petunia felt the same way. At least Lily wasn't completely alone in her doomed fate.

"Lily! You got mail!" Emmeline cried, as Lily walked into the room after a long day of classes. It had been a good week of school. Though, Lily noticed during the first half that her sleeping cycle was completely screwed. Hence why she was looking forward for an afternoon nap.

"Hmm." Lily replied, her hand rubbing her face as she dropped her bag next to her bed. She sprawled out over her bed, legs dangling off of the side awkwardly, while she fumbled at the head of the bed for her mail.

Feeling a thick packet of the package, she groaned inwardly as she pulled the letters towards herself.

"Anything good?" Marlene asked, as she walked into the room with a towel concealing her curvy figure.

"Nope. Just stuff from the parents – nothing important." Lily said, as she dropped the letters onto the floor, too lazy to pick up her mess.

"Where were you? Heads meeting?" Emmeline asked, in a teasing tone.

Lily rolled her eyes, "Yeah, me and James were getting hot and steamy in the common room. Am I that obvious?" Lily said sarcastically, getting laughs from Emmeline and Marlene.

It had been a common joke the past few years that the Heads Common room was not only used for meetings but for the Head Boy and Girl to release some stress. Lily has heard some incredibly disturbing rumours, some of them were kinky while others were just plain weird. She doubted that her and James would play into the stereotype of being so frustrated, that they would make out with each in the common room.

"No, I was in the library though, studying for potions…"

"You're genius at potions – you don't need to study!" Marlene said, as she started to pull on a sweater.

"No! I swear, this Felix essay is going to be the death of me. It has to be four rolls of parchment and Slughorn is asking for the side affects if the potion is done wrong, and why with every ingredient. Do you know that the Felix potion can be made wrong by step one?! Ugh, it's insane, and I've only done half a parchment… I got a lot of research done though." Lily said optimistically, as she twister her body around so that she was lying on her back, staring up at her canopy.

"Where's Alice by the way?" Lily asked, as she propped herself up on her elbows, craning her neck to see over the beds, looking for the fluff of blonde hair.

"She's with Frank…" Emmeline trailed off, ending in a fit of giggles.

Lily fell back down on her bed, "Ugh! Can someone subtly tell her that I go on patrol in a half an hour and that it will be really embarrassing if I catch her and Frank…" Lily said, squeezing her eyes tightly shut as Emmeline and Marlene just laughed.

"Come on… she's not dumb." Marlene said, though she didn't sound convinced as she threw Lily a questioning look.

"You mean she's innocent? Naïve?" Lily muttered.

"Good point. And it's a fair bet that Frank has been around…" Emmeline said, taking a glance out the window. "She should be back soon, she told us she was just going to take a walk around the lake… that was an hour ago though." Emmeline muttered nervously.

It was only the first week of school, yet the romance between Frank and Alice was obvious. He sent her flowers randomly in the day, just to let her know he was thinking of her. He walked her to classes and kissed her on the cheek whenever they departed. They studied together, with actual books and parchment, and no messed up hair. They were a sweet couple to watch, they went perfectly with each other.

However, this was Alice's first real boyfriend. She's had boys who trailed after her, and she knew how to flirt. But all the time, when the boys came to the actual, 'do you want to go out with me?' Alice would find some horrible feature about him and declined his offer sweetly; and then run to the girls dorm and proclaim that she must have gone crazy for ever like this or that boy.

Which lead to Alice's innocence when it came to snogging in the castle. There were a few discreet places, and then there was the glaringly obvious places, like the broom closets and abandoned classrooms.

Lily has so far avoided Alice, but she had overheard Alice talking to Marlene about the dates that go on in certain potion rooms… places which always gets checked.

Closing her eyes, Lily drifted off into a cat nap. Drifting in and out of the conversation littering around her, catching her name before slipping into her seclude place in her mind, where there was only emptiness and darkness.

At once, the sound of an alarm cut through Lily's cat nap. Groaning, she groggily lifted her head off of her pillow and started to make a weak attempt to tame her hair. At first, she was utterly confused as to why she had set the alarm. That was, until she realized that she had to attend tutoring and she rolled her eyes.

The first week of school was always the most pointless weeks to do tutoring. First weeks were reserved for reviewing, and hardly anyone had questions on those. None the less, Lily had to get her butt down to the library in case some first year or some other student required Charms help.

After smoothing out the wrinkles in her clothes, she grabbed her bag and started to make way to the library. It was only when she saw who she was going to be tutoring with that her blood went cold and she stopped in the middle of the library.

Abigail Whittle, a petite sixth year. Abigail was easily described as a sweetheart a year ago, she was always willing to take the younger students under her wings and always provided tutoring for those who needed. Even during her off hours, she always helped the students even if she wasn't getting paid for it. She was willing to share and had a bubbly personality, she was the stereotypical Hufflepuff, at least, a year ago she was.

This year though, vicious rumours floated through the castle about Abigail's summer. Abigail had been on a missionary trip with a muggle church (her mother was a muggle while her father was a wizard) when her parents were murdered. While the muggle newspapers claimed that it was an armed robbery, nothing was stolen in the house. All that was there when the police arrived were two dead parents, a destroyed home, and a missing boy of five years old. For a month, the boy's face was plastered on every news channel and every radio station always left time on their show to discuss the missing boy.

Even Steven knew about the case. Not that he wished to discuss it at all. Whenever he brought up the topic he held on to this ludicrous idea that it was the parents fault that the child was missing. That he thought there were other family members at play. And he thought that Abigail had a convenient alibi. He thought a lot of things about the case that made Lily's stomach twist. He talked about the case as if it were a fascinating new object for him to gawk at, not as if it were real lives at play.

Lily never admitted to him that she knew Abigail. For the muggle newspapers claimed that she was homeschooled. There was no way that Lily's path would have crossed with hers. And despite keeping Abigail into her thoughts and prayers, it was utterly useless.

A month after the initial break in, muggle authorities found parts of his body in a badly dug grave near a river.

Lily blinked rapidly as she started at Abigail's bent head. Her hazelnut coloured quill looked as if were dancing on the piece of parchment. Lily felt her stomach twist as she started to walk towards the tutoring table.

She was unsure of what to say. There were no self-help books on this manner. No proper etiquette books that Lily could scan to find the exact lines to feed Abigail. As Lily got closer to the table, Abigail looked from her work and gave her a tired smile.

"Hello Lily." She said politely as Lily pulled up a chair.

"Hey Abigail." Lily responded. Settling into the spot, Lily started to drag up multiple books and notes. All the while, the awkward silence started to settle around the two girls.

"Congratulations by the way on Head Girl. Glad to see it was you and not Michelle." Abigail said kindly, as she turned a page in her book, her eyes still focused on the scattered notes in front of her.

"Thank you. Though I'm sure Michelle would have done a great job as well."

"Oh please." Abigail said, slapping a hand lightly in her book as she turned to face Lily. "That girl is such a stickler about rules. Once she told me off and threaten to write me up for detention because I was in the corridors 'after hours'. Even though, I was right outside the Hufflepuff's entrance and it was only a minute after curfew…"

Lily started to laugh. It did sound an awful lot like Michelle.

"Anyways, what are you tutoring this year?" Abigail asked, placing her quill down. Lily adjusted herself in her chair.

"Oh, charms. As usual. Should be fun." Lily said in a bored tone, heaving a sigh. "What about yourself?" Lily asked kindly.

Though Lily loved charms, being a tutor for the third year in a row in that course was rather dull. She mostly helped the younger years – every so often she'd help an older student but those cases were so rare. And while the first year was great fun on helping students master charms; it had lost its novelty.

"Oh, I'm tutoring in herbology. Again." Abigail said, giving Lily an understanding look. It was Abigail's second year with herbology and Lily could only imagine how quickly it took before the subject was dull to teach.

"What would you tutor if you could tutor any other subjects?"

"Oh Merlin, I don't know." Abigail said, glancing up towards the high I suppose deviation would be amusing; too bad I did so poorly on the deviation O.W.L that there is no way that anyone would ever let me near divination students. What about you?"

"Well, I would much rather do potions this year – but that just means dealing with Slughorn all the time. I honestly think he's a nice Professor but he's a little much." Lily said, smiling a bit as Abigail started to laugh.

"Oh gosh. He'd be the worst professor to work for! And he loves you! I'm sure he'd find an excuse to talk to you every day…" Abigail teased.

Lily laughed. "Oh, he already tries to do that! It's so frustrating. Ugh, well. Thank god it's not me tutoring."

"Who is tutoring for potions then?"

"Severus Snape." Lily answered quickly.

"Oh." Abigail said quietly, her eyebrows shooting up before she quickly bent her head over her work. Abigail cheeks reddened and Lily felt slightly mortified.

The tragic end of Lily's friendship with Severus was a public one. The entire school got to see Lily get backstabbed by one of her oldest friends. Oh, and as if a bleeding broken heart wasn't enough to deal with at the time, James had to ask her out on top of that. Lily ended up spending the rest of the afternoon in her dormitory with a plate of cookies, wonderful books, and a box full of tissues.

It was terrible. And then, all of her friends tip toed around her while trying to act that it was 'no big deal'. Then, James tried to apologize to her. Or at least, Lily thought that was what he was trying to do. But instead, he went into a disconcerted speech about how, if they really thought about it, he did Lily a massive favor. Because, without James' quick wits or hilarious jokes, they would have never been exposed to the horrific side of Severus Snape.

As if Lily was blissfully unaware of the dark path Severus was going down. As if she needed James Potter to make it that much more obvious. After James talked her ear off, and half heartily said sorry, with an awkward pat on her shoulder, Lily was quick to leave him dumbfounded in the hallway.

As Lily started to unload her books, she noticed that some of the library's patrons were being maddeningly obvious with their stares to their table. There were the young girls what were whispering at a loud volume, and boys who stared in shock. Lily squirmed in her spot as she shot the girls and boys a dirty look before they scattered away.

Abgail's head was still bent over her work, the quill moving quick across the page. And Lily realized that she must be used to this type of attention. After all, Abgail's family did make trips into Diagon Alley. And, according to the rumour mill, she was living with her magical grandparents. Who've, no doubt, been exposed to nosy witches and wizards.

"Abigail, I just want to say that I'm so sorry about your loss." Lily said quietly, glancing quickly to the side as Abigail's quill stopped moving across the page. Abigail took a deep breath through her nose.

"Thank you." Abigail whispered back.

Lily opened her mouth to say something, ask questions before shutting it quickly. What on Earth was she going to say anyways?

"You know, you can ask whatever you want." Abigail said quietly, giving Lily a small grin as Lily felt her eyebrows go up in horror.

"What? Oh no, I was just going to, eh, say something about the-" Lily scrambled for a set of words. Anything to make a coherent thought.

"No, you weren't." Abigail said sternly, and Lily felt a wave of guilt as Abigail gave her a knowing glance. "So many people walk around me as if I'm fragile and use stupid euphemisms to describe my situation." Abigail took a deep breath before adopting a cruel mocking tone. " 'Sorry for your loss.' 'Sorry for the passing away of your family.' As if saying it nicely masks the horror and terror my family has gone through the past few months."

Lily just awkwardly stared at Abigail. "I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to phrase it I just- "

"Oh, no. Lily. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up it's just… tiresome. I hate being known as the girl whose lost her entire family this summer. It's painful. It's awkward. I hate how people treat you when people in your family die." Abigail ranted, twirling her finger into her blonde hair.

"Well. You'll be at least known to the first years as the Herbology tutor. That's something?" Lily said weakly.

Abigail had a small smile on her face. "You're right. Plus, it could be worse. I could be dead as well I suppose." Abigail said lightly.

"Yeah. Things could be worse…" Lily trailed off, unsure of how to respond to such a morbid thought.

"The trail is starting soon. Hopefully some justice will be served. At least then, I can live in peace." Abigail said under her voice.

Lily nodded her head, for lack of anything else to do. "Well, if you ever want to talk about it, though I'm sure so many other people have offered, I'm always close by." Lily said lamely. Why did the words sound so odd? Was there ever a way to rephrase such a line to make it sound more sincere?

Abigail gave Lily a tired smile. How many times have she had to hear those words? It's so unfair. "Thanks."

The remainder of the tutor time was them working on their homework in silence.

After tutoring, Lily promised herself that she would look into one of those dreadful bridal magazines that her sister has been sending to her on a daily bases (curse that girl and her unbelievable knowledge of wizarding mail).

She decided to do it in the Head's common room. It will be relaxing, she told herself. The room would be vacant and so she could spread the magazines out in a pretty semi-circle in front of the fire. It would a picturesque image of serenity. Plus, Lily brought along some hot chocolate and a flask to spike the drink (as if she could honestly look at bridal magazines without the aid of alcohol).

Lily was able to spread the magazines exactly how she wanted. She sat cross legged in front of them and pulled her mug of hot chocolate closer to her. As if worried that someone would sneak in, she took a quick peak over her shoulders before pulling out her flask. She let a steady stream of the liquid fall into her hot chocolate. The smell of the mixed drink brought a small smile to her face as she tucked the flask back into her back.

She then pulled the letter from Petunia. It had a long list about things that Lily needed to look out for, duties that Lily needed to keep in the back of her mind. Her mission today was to figure out what all the bridesmaids should wear. Which meant, that Lily would pawn through the magazines and pick styles and colors she felt were appropriate for everyone in the troupe and sending said list back to Petunia to approve or disapprove (more likely the later).

And Lily was diligent about the duty at first. She immediately discarded empire waisted dresses (they looked horrendous on Lily) and dismissed all red and pink dresses (they clashed horribly with Lily's hair and all of Petunia's choices just looked weird). She did pull out all the yellow and green dresses (they would look nice for everyone). Hell, even some of the purple and blue ones didn't look too bad. She was careful to make sure that the styles she picked out didn't outdo her sister's wedding dress (it was dreadfully plain).

But every time she wrote in the margins of the magazines and folded the pages down for her sister to see; she could not get Abigail's face or voice out of her head. It seemed so wrong to plan a bloody wedding when other people had to plan funerals. Funerals for younger brothers and parents. And at the age of sixteen… it was wrong.

It didn't help that in one of the first few magazines her mom had bent a few pages down for 'Lily to keep in mind for her own special day'. That honestly made her nauseous and it certainly wasn't the drink that was causing such effect. As if Lily wanted to help plan Petunia's wedding, she sure as hell didn't want to plan her own. It was as if her mother wanted to punish Lily.

So, Lily made a game out of it. Every time she found an offensive note from her mother she took a sip in honor. It didn't take long for Lily to finish her drink and the contents of her flask. Granted, her stuff wasn't strong but it was enough for Lily to become a slight klutz with a nice tint of red on her cheeks. All of which was manageable.

That was, until James came waltzing in onto what must have been the most bizarre scene of his life.

"Erm. Lily?" He asked hesitantly, taking in the magazines, the empty mug, and a Lily Evans who was sprawled out on her stomach. Her hands turning a bridal magazine absent mildly while her flask was sitting next to her like a good friend.

"Wedding planning. Not my own. My sister's." She mumbled. James inched forward, dropping his bag near the couch before advancing towards Lily. He stopped awkwardly in front of her before sitting down perpendicular to Lily.

"Right… well, maybe this could be done without this? I mean, I know its way past noon and well into the evening but don't you think it's a tad early for the Head Girl to start drinking?" James said gingerly picked up the flask, bringing it to his nose to smell the contents.

"Don't worry. Nothing strong. Just some Bailey's." Lily said, pushing herself up into an upright sitting position. James just gave her a quizzical look.

"You put Bailey's in a flask?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Lily. Who the hell puts Bailey's in a flask?"

"I do?"

"Yeah… I noticed… but that's wrong. Just. Wrong. This stuff is weak! A flask is meant to hold serious liquor like vodka or fire whiskey that you just drink straight from the flask to prove your strength against alcohol." James said in a deeper voice than usual, causing Lily to giggle.

"Merlin's beard. Don't tell me you're that much of a lightweight." James said worriedly as he sat down next to Lily.

Lily just laughed. "Of course not! Just slightly tipsy. It'll wear off within an hour and a half. And I'll stay up here so that no student will see me in this disgraced state."

James just huffed. "Lily. This is hardly a disgraced state. In fact I bet you could get away with this…"

"Nice try. No way I'm walking around the castle like this." Lily said with a smile.

"Well, then, do want to explain this Bailey's drinking to me? Should I be concerned?" James edged on carefully.

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. Honestly. As if she was alcoholic. "You just said that Bailey's was a harmless drink!"

"True. But this scene is slightly confusing…" James said exasperatedly.

"Oh, Lily Evans doesn't drink?" Lily shot back, annoyed that such a prudish image of herself was present in both the muggle and wizarding world.

James rolled his eyes. "Lily, I've seen you play exploding snaps pong. And stumbling about afterwards explaining to me why you are the best exploding snaps pong player ever. Obviously you drink. I guess I've always seen you drink at parties… not such a casual drinker in my mind." James said calmly, shrugging his shoulders.

Lily took a deep breath. "I had my first tutoring session today. I'm working with Abigail." She said quietly.

At once James understood. His hand immediately went towards his hair where he started ruffling it into a bigger mess then it already was. "Oh Merline. How's she doing?"

Lily shrugged. "Best she can I guess. I don't know it was just… Merlin, how do you even deal what she's been through and still come to school willing to help students out and be friendly and understanding?"

"She's in Hufflepuff." James mumbled, eyes darting to the floor.

"Still. And then, I came back here to help plan my sister's wedding and it just seemed wrong. How can I even think about planning this stupid party when there's a war going on?"

"We shouldn't let that interfere with our lives. We shouldn't let them take away everything Lily." James said quietly.

Lily took a deep breath. "I know. I also don't want to plan this stupid wedding." Lily whined, her hand slapping the magazine closest to her.

"Why not? Weddings are fun! And your sister wouldn't have picked you to help plan if she didn't think you would be able to do a good job!" James said as he grabbed one of the magazines (messing up the pretty semi-circle) and started to go through it. A frown starting to form as he realized that there were clearly pretty and ugly dresses.

Lily just snorted. "Petunia picked me because my mom made her to. Plus, it's easier to be a complete controlling bridezilla when her maid of honor is miles and miles away from her." Lily said bitterly as she started to close and pack up the magazines.

"Maybe. Maybe not." James said absent mindly. "Also, what on Earth is this?" James asked as he flipped to a page in the magazine he was holding.

Lily looked up to see that it was on one of the bride's maid dresses. She instantly blushed at the sight in front of her. It wasn't scandalous, just… a tad embarrassing.

At the height of her drinking, Lily may have taken upon herself to doodle on the dresses that she disliked as a way of really showing Petunia what dresses not to pick. She may have placed a charm or two to make her doodles move around.

The particular doodling that James found was one of her more artistic ones. The dress was in red satin and it had sleeves. And sad, pathetic looking sleeves as Lily annotated on the page. Furthermore, it was an empire cut. It also had a weird flower or heart décor on the belt and it just looked unbelievably tacky.

Though Lily would have ignored it, her sister had written in all caps a 'YES' by the dress. Lily could not let this pass.

So she may have drawn some devil horns on the girl and some moving flames in the background. There was also a tail coming out of the dress. To top it off, Lily had circled everything that was hideous about the dress and written in perfectly miniature script why said thing was so offensive about the dress. While Lily liked to think of said comments as constructive comments; most of them contained some version of 'butt ugly' and 'are you serious?' and 'I'd rather go naked then wear this stupid sod of a dress'.

It may not have been the most appropriate thing to do considering that it was one of Petunia's top choice.

"Erm… I really don't like the dress?" Lily offered lamely, shrugging her shoulder while James burst out laughing.

"It will look so ugly on me! And it's such a terrible dress! Surely you agree!"

"Oh come off it! It's not that bad! Though, if you find it terrible, I would love to see you standing butt naked… " James said in a teasing tone as Lily grabbed the magazine out of his hands.

"Petunia would die if I ever did that. You know what she told me when I asked her how she envisioned her wedding? Normal. Simple. Plain." Lily said incredulously, stuffing the magazines into her bag. "Who the hell describes their dream wedding as 'normal.'?"

James nodded along. "Fair point. Though… what is a normal wedding? What's a normal muggle wedding?"

"I have no idea! Everyone I know wants an extravagant wedding or a simple elegant wedding. No one has ever wanted a 'normal' wedding." Lily said with disgust.

"No, I mean, what does a muggle wedding look like? What are the outfits and the procedures? I've never been to one, you see." James said, leaning back on his hands as Lily realized what his question was really about.

"Well." Lily said, crossing her arms as she started to think how to explain the concept of a muggle wedding to someone.

"Well, the bride nearly always wears white. And the man always wears a tux of some sort." Lily said, grabbing one of the magazines and flickering through it until she found a photo spread of one of a particularly gorgeous wedding. She pushed the magazine forward to James to see.

"And then, they usually go in front of a priest-"

"Oh, I know those." James said, as he stared down on the photo as Lily smiled a bit.

"Right, well, they go in front of a priest and repeat a lot of things he says, they say their vows, and then they are proclaimed husband and wife. Though, to be fair, sometimes normal folks can get ordained as a minister to marry their friends."

"I like that. Having a close friend marry you. It's a nice image." James said, grinning to himself as he flicked through the pages of the magazine.

"Have you ever been by any chance to a wizarding wedding?" James asked her, shutting the magazine close as he reached the last page.

"Nope. Never got the chance. What are they like?" Lily asked, relaxing he stance by leaning back on her arms.

"Well… for starters, the men wear really nice dress robes. The women either wear dress robes or a wedding dress like muggles. Though the bridesmaids tend to wear dress robes over dresses."

"What about the ceremony itself?"

"Well, I've only been to a few when I was younger, but it's kind of like casting an unbreakable vow? There's still the gold circles when they say 'I do' but not as binding as a vow." James said thoughtfully. Clearly searching through his memories to gather any information he had on wizarding wedding.

"Sounds like it would be pretty." Lily commented, giving James a small smile.

"It is." James agreed.

Then there was the dreaded silence. Lily's eyes darted around while she tucked a non-existent strand of hair behind her ears. And James ruffled his hair for the second time.

"Well, glad to know that you're not a raging alcoholic." James said awkwardly as Lily just gave him an odd look.

"Yup…" Lily trailed off.

"I'm going to take off. Where should we meet tonight for rounds?" James asked her as he stood up and gathered his bag.

"Oh. Why not here? And… what were you doing coming here if you had to dash so quickly?" Lily asked.

It was James' turn to blush. "Oh, I was hoping to get some homework done, but I don't want to disturb you if you're working…"

"Nonsense. Just stay. I may take a nap and I may snore but I'm sure that's not anything you can't handle." Lily said genuinely.

What was wrong with her? Since when was she okay with James in the room as she took a second nap of the day? And did she really need to tell him that she snored? As if were a cute little quirk.

James shuffled from foot to foot, clearly having the same thoughts as Lily.

"Alright then. I'll just work in this armchair." James said, pointing to the arm chair closest to the fire.

"Alright then. I'm taking a nap on that couch." Lily said, getting up and pointing to the couch across from the arm chair James was working in.

He just smiled as they both settled to their respective places.

Them awkwardly meeting each other in the Head's Common Room became a frequent encounter. Though Lily was never caught with her flask, she did often go in there for a cat nap. Her sleeping schedule was simply a mess. And James tended to like the silence that the room provided to do his homework. They made an excellent team within the common room. Lily would often do some work before taking a nap. James would wake her up.

It would seem that the relationship between the two was starting to form.

A few weeks later, and quite a few naps later, Lily felt herself being woken up gently by Marlene. Who had oddly volunteered to be Lily's alarm clock. Most likely due to the fact that she hated how the alarm clock would pierce through the air when she was trying to concentrate on the latest homework assignemnt.

"Lily – come on, you have rounds now."

A muffled moan came from Lily, as she stretched her arms and legs out lazily before cracking an eye up to Marlene, who was hovering over her with a soft expression. Lily brought her watch to her face, which told her that she had five minutes to meet James down at the Head's common room.

Letting out a groan, before pulling herself up in to a sitting position. She drew little shapes with her feet, subtly kicking her letters under her bed, as she took deep breathes in hopes to wake herself up.

She briefly stopped at one of the mirrors, and tugged her tangled hair into a low bun to her side, and wiping off the eyeliner and mascara from under her eyes.

Walking slowly down the stairs, she already caught sight of James waiting at the portrait hole.

Things have been awkward with them. They held small talk with each other before rounds, albeit a bit forced. Then, at meetings, they would each send letters and memos, each claiming that they were so 'busy' that they couldn't take a few minutes to settle something out in person.

"You made it. You had me worried there Lily." James said, with a tight smile.

"Almost slept through it." Lily said tiredly, giving James a smile.

"Oh Lily! How could you? You would miss on the exciting, reverting fun that takes place in these corridors!" James said sarcastically, as they walked out through the portrait hole, Lily laughing.

"I'll take the bottom and you take the top?"

Lily felt a wave of relief, "Yeah, that sounds great." Nodding a little enthusiastically. A silence hung in the air as they both looked at each other, looking around, waiting a few seconds too long to see if the other would say something.

James took off, going down the stairs, while Lily parted the opposite direction, knowing that their paths won't cross tonight.

Lily tumbled through the portrait hole and wasn't surprised to find that James wasn't here yet. Wondering over to her favorite arm chair, she picked up a forum that were titled, 'INCIDENT REPORT'.

Throwing the parchment on the coffee table, she scooted the arm chair closer as she began to fill in the blanks. Just as she finished listing the two names of the people involved, James came into the room, hastily stuffing some parchment in his pocket.

Lily looked in bewilderment, her mouth slightly opened, as James picked up not one, not two but seven 'INCIDENT REPORT' forums. Whistling slightly, he wandered over to the armchair across from her and started to scribble away.

James quickly looked up, caught Lily's glance before looking around him.

"How…" Lily trailed off, her fingers pulling her hair back.

"Oh, I dunno, it's Friday night – date night I guess. A lot of stupid fifth years were down in the lower corridors…" James trailed off, a slight blush blossomed on his cheeks.

"Only fifth years?" Lily said as nonchalant as she could, as she paid extra special attention to how her dots and crosses were made.

"There was one seventh year pair…" James trailed off, in which Lily's hands immediately flew to her face as an angry groan slipped her mouth. Her own cheeks were flushed, she had the horrible habit of getting embarrassed for people.

"Stupid! I told her not to go there!" Lily mumbled in her hands, while James let out a hearty laugh.

"Come off it Lily, it was bound to happen eventually. They're so flamboyant about their relationship as it is – you know they break the rules a lot when they say 'good bye' to each other or even a hello is a little sick to watch…" James said, with a slight disgust in his voice.

Lily took a deep breath and pulled her hands away from her face. She bit her bottom lip as her mouth was pulled down a bit. She had no words to defend Alice.

"Yeah, it's certainly awkward when he's there." She said, her eyes catching James as they shared a smile, before getting back to their forms.

"It's cute actually. They're still in that puppy-love stage." Lily blurted, not knowing why she was talking.

"Is this a muggle expression?" James asked testily as Lily heard the angry scratches of a quill against parchment.

Lily let out a laugh, "You've never heard that before? Puppy love?"

"No, but I have heard of 'like a nuffler's curiosity' and 'as quick as owl' or- "

"It's like the honey moon stage, where all they see is the good side of each other. Everything is new and they're still learning about each other, they're blinded by each other – it's puppy love." Lily explained in a rush, her hands making odd gestures while James looked at her with curiosity.

"It's cute." Lily continued, smiling, while James continued to stare at her.

What the fuck, was she doing? Blabbering her mouth as if he was unaware. Where was her brain, she could've sworn that her brain was connected to her mouth to say reasonable things… not this awkward spew though. Lily thought miserably to herself, as she quickly went back to writing her one incident report, while James was writing up seven.

"How did you get so many?" Lily blurted out, mentally cursing herself as James looked up at her. He smiled at her, "I wasn't aware that it was a competition."

Lily blushed, "Seven though, how…"

"I know where to look." James hinted, as he was busy with his second report. Lily nodded, looking down at her own report and finishing it off quickly.

James was still scratching away when Lily finished. She laid back on her chair, as she closed her eyes slowly, hoping that James will be done with his reports soon.

"Tired?" James asked quietly.

"No shit Sherlock" Lily muttered back, while snuggling into the arm chair.

Lily snapped her eyes open, James was still writing away. To her delight, he was on the third one. His brow was furrowed and his glasses were slipping to the edge of his nose. Lily's eyes studied his face before reaching the form, it was full of chicken scratches and ink blots.

"Wow, isn't some one moody." James shot back, his quill streaking across the parchment hurriedly.

"I just spent my entire afternoon in the library, looking up a god damn potion that I have no intention of ever brewing, I didn't sleep last night and I had to spend this night patrolling the halls. So yeah, I am tired." Lily snapped back, her anger making her alert for this argument. Her anger, which was so close to the edge these days, always seemed to come about whenever she was near James.

"Well relax sleeping beauty, I've just finished the last form." James said nastily, as he gathered the papers from the table just as Hedwig arrived.

Lily shifted uncomfortably in her seat. The nights always seemed to end like this. There was always jokes and kindness at the start, and then some argument or sly insults would make it's way into the conversation. Then, at the next shift – they would start off nice to each other because neither one wanted to acknowledge their faults to other.

"Night." James said gruffly, as he marched out of the portrait hole. Not waiting for her to lift herself out of the chair.

It was Saturday. Yet, at six AM, Lily found herself wide awake, staring up at her canopy.

Looking around her, she saw Alice sleeping soundly, Emmeline huddled up in her sheets, and Marlene snoring softly. Lily let out a sigh as she sat up in her bed. Her sheets were falling off, the top cover was bundled like a ball on and Lily's legs were tangled in the last few sheets.

Lily rubbed her eyes, as her feet blindly searched for her sandals, making contact with the cool wood floor forced Lily to peek with one eye to located where her sandals were. Pulling her robe from the floor, Lily wrapped herself with it, she kneeled under the floor to find a bundle of parchment from under her bed.

Taking a glance behind her, she quickly snatched her ink bottle, parchment, and letters, and quietly made it out of her dorm room.

Paddling softly down the stairs, she was quick to notice that no one was in the common room. Lily was about to sit down on one of the arm chairs when she heard a ruffle from the boys stair cases.

Lily sighed angrily to herself when she saw James walking out in scarlet and gold robes. His broomstick was over one shoulder and his hair was an utter mess.

"Morning." Lily said quietly, her supplies resting on the top of the arm chairs.

"Morning." James said, just as quietly.

"Try outs?" Lily asked timidly, taking in his Quidditch uniforms and the dirty sneakers he wore.

James nodded quickly. "Awfully early, don't you think?" Lily asked questioningly.

"You're up." James shot accusingly, as if her early morning habits were something to be ashamed of.

"I couldn't sleep." Lily replied quickly, a tone of menace lacing her words.

"Neither could I." James said, his eyes darting down to the floor, while Lily looked over at the fire place, licking her lips as she tried to figure out how to successful exit this awkward conversation.

"Qudditch try outs starts at eight – I thought I would get a quick flight in or breakfast." James mumbled, his hands going to the back of his head while Lily nodded.

"Right." Lily said lamely, shuffling the supplies in her hand, hoping that he would go soon.

"You should come." James said quickly.

"What?" Lily turned her head sharply, not sure if her ears heard correctly.

The past three weeks have been littered with bickers, fights, and insults. When they exchange a kind word or two, it's to make up for the nasty ones thrown at each other earlier – or even later. They weren't friends, or enemies, or acquaintances. They were somewhere in between all of those levels, where though, Lily had no idea.

"Come to the try outs. It's an open event, it'll be fun." James heaved a sigh and shifted his broomstick to his other shoulder. "Come on Lily. I've seen you working, you're completely stressed out – having a little bit of fun can actually help."

Lily nodded, starting down at the ink bottle before looking up to James. "I'll… see. I can probably come, I just need to start and finish a letter before I do though."

James laughed as he walked towards the door, "I hardly doubt that the letter will take you two hours! I'll see you around Lily." He cried out, as he shut the portrait door behind him.

You have no idea. Lily thought miserably to herself, as she gathered her things and headed towards the common room; hoping to find some peace and quiet to silence the thoughts that swirled around her head.

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