AN: so - re: "Who is this Abbie Carmichael you're writing. This isn't the same Abbie from the original Law & Order"... As I clearly stated back in my AN in ch.3, I never watched mothership L&O. So I freely admit, I don't know how Abbie or Serena acted, but I have a strong feeling they were quite nice characters :-). It's just in this particular story so far, I'm sorry to say that Abbie, Serena and Casey are not so nice (also clearly stated back in my AN of ch.3). But as always, remember it's fanFICTION :-). You do know what the term 'fiction' means, right? :-). A tiny tidbit: one, some or all may or may not redeem themselves later on. So please don't jump to conclusions ;-). tummer22 - re: "is it common to use the same toy on different women? If I were using one it would gross me out to know that it was used on someone else"... I certainly wouldn't, that's for sure! But it's addressed in this chapter ;-). everyone - "Alex being naughty"... A little more in this chapter too! butterfly2202 - re: "And for liv to find the small tasteful hidden tatoo"... Liv'll find out soon ;-)
AN2: Apologies first and formost. I was hoping what I had planned at the Rainbow Shamrock would happen in this chapter, but unfortunately this chapter turned out a little differently seeing there's a bit of back story info about Alex and Abbie (and I vowed to keep these chapters shorter). It's definitely the next chapter and I will write and post it before I resume writing the next chapter of 'Negotiating', because I promised I would :-).
"You what?! I don't believe you!" Olivia burst out laughing at Alex's forthcoming admission.
"Yes, that whole shaker of pepper in the box with the sex toys!" Alex chuckled, indicating the empty shaker Olivia had returned to the cruet holder. She continued to laugh heartily as she clutched her stomach and wiped away a stray tear. She hadn't laughed this much since... she couldn't even remember anything recent, except when the both of them had gotten drunk 2 days earlier and Alex revealed to Olivia about Abbie's name for the harnessed dildo. All she could remember in recent times was trying to placate Abbie's constant and unfounded accusations of infidelity; the sadness of why Abbie would think she'd cheat again just because the ADA had done that once before; and the desperation she felt trying to salvage her crumbling relationship with the Federal Prosecutor, even going so far as to withdraw from interacting with certain people apart from the essentials of work.
Correction.
A certain person to be specific.
Looking back, Alex had forgotten how well she and Olivia got on together outside of work. Her romantic focus shifted away from any possibility with the brunette detective 2 years earlier when the seductively charming Abigail Carmichael with her husky Texan drawl swept her off her feet at Elliott Stabler's retirement party after Olivia had introduced them. She had even thanked Liv many a time for doing so after they began to date.
They had almost tumbled in to bed on their first date with Abbie's persuasive coersion, but both had agreed to take things slowly after Alex had said it'd been a while since she'd been in a relationship with anyone (let alone a woman) and Abbie admitting she had ended one with Serena Southerlyn a short time earlier. Both had said they wanted the relationship to go the distance and survive every hurdle thrown at them. It was just over 2 months before they were finally intimate in the bedroom and Abbie discovered Alex's... as Olivia put it... talent. The raven haired prosecutor couldn't get enough of the ADA after that. When Abbie had to travel back to the nation's capital each month and every month, the couple certainly made up for absence when the Federal Prosecutor returned. Sometimes Abigail was only away a few nights, sometimes it was up to a week. A year into their relationship, Abbie broached the subject of them having children, wanting to become a family of 3, after a passionate round of love making. Alex's response of wanting to wait to have children was met with disappointment but acceptance. Again, Abbie brought the subject up a few more times but stopped completely after that dinner Casey Novak organised 6 months ago. Olivia had really only just started casually dating Serena, and then Abbie started with the barrage of insinuations and innuendos.
What had really happened a year earlier to change Abbie's attitude and start cheating?
Just what had really happened at that dinner of the 5 woman to change Alex and Abbie's relationship so dramatically?
Casey had left the lounge room to check on dinner and get everyone drinks. Serena offered to help, as did Abbie saying she knew how Alex preferred her gin and tonic to be prepared (a little more gin, a little less tonic, extra lime, crushed ice), leaving Alex and Olivia alone on the couches to chat. After some time had passed, both wondered what was taking so long. Just as they approached the kitchen swinging doors, Serena reappeared with her and Olivia's drink, followed by Abbie with her and Alex's drink, with Casey exiting last. Olivia joked about how long they'd taken, saying she and Alex were about to send out a search party. Abbie had brushed off the delay saying Casey had needed a helping hand with dessert... just kidding! She needed help making the red wine reduction sauce for the filet mignon and both she and Serena helped.
Returning home to Alex's apartment, Abbie made a offhand remark about how long it took for Alex and Olivia to come looking for her, Serena and Casey, and maybe something happened between the ADA and he detective while they'd been alone in the lounge for so long. Of course Alex denied it, nothing had happened. Abbie said she saw how Olivia kept sneaking glances at Alex, Alex said she hadn't noticed because she only had eyes for Abbie and besides Olivia was dating Serena and joked if anything she should be afraid of Serena seeing as Abbie had been in a relationship the ACLU worker once before. Abbie said she would never cheat, but Alex on the other hand, had. How could she trust a known cheater, and she didn't trust Olivia either. Alex said she would do anything to placate the raven haired woman she loved, and the Texan suggested to have no more contact with the brunette. Alex said that would be difficult seeing they worked together at SVU, so Abbie said no contact outside work and as minimal contact at work as necessary. Even thought they had been friends since Alex was originally assigned after the Morris Commission, Alex began to distance herself from Olivia, effectively breaking the blonde's spirit. Abbie came to see Alex at work sometimes, always taking time to say hello and chat to Casey who's office was only a few doors down. However, if Abbie saw Olivia anywhere in the vacinity because of work, the questions and accusations started, resulting in Alex denying any wrongdoing and the vicious cycle beginning once again.
Until 2 days ago as they prepared to go their separate ways to work, Abbie abruptly ended their seemingly strong relationship. When Alex asked for an explanation why, the truth came out about the year long affair, shocking the ADA to say the least especially after the constant badgering of the non existent affair, but now it made sense. Then the fateful telephone call from the breast screening centre regarding Alex's mammogram, ultrasound, biopsy and fine needle aspiration results came around lunchtime.
Now, even after the way she had treated the detective the last 6 months, Alex was truly glad Olivia was such a caring, supportive friend to have in her corner.
"And a different bottle of ink in each box of clothing too!" the ADA snickered, a devilish smile curling the corners of her mouth.
Olivia's jaw dropped in awe, "Are you sure you're really Alex Cabot? I'm positive Alex Cabot doesn't have a naughty bone in her body."
Alex raised an eyebrow at the brunette as she leant in closer to Liv's personal space, "Don't I? I think I might surprise you in more ways than one."
"I always assumed you'd be one of those... good girls."
"Maybe different people bring out different things in me. Maybe you bring out something else in me entirely?" Alex suggested, the hint of flirtation clearly evident. She knew she shouldn't be flirting, Olivia was with Serena after all, even if the ACLU lawyer wasn't Olivia's Ms Right. However, the chemistry between the 2 women sitting on the floor was undeniable.
"Maybe one day I'll be lucky enough to find out more?" Liv flirted back, leaning in a little closer. "Maybe you could be my Ms Right?"
"I could very well be," blue eyes glanced down at the detective's parted lips. "Maybe you could be the right girl for my right 'girl'?"
"Right, girl!" Olivia breathed, leaning in even closer.
This time they weren't drunk on 2 bottles of wine, they weren't even all the way through the first bottle. Both had their mental faculties about them, and were well aware of their actions as Alex closed the gap and brushed her soft lips delicately against the older woman's, tasting the subtle aromatic hints of the merlot that lingered. Olivia rested her hand on Alex's thigh as she gently deepened the kiss, neither woman attempting to dominate as their mouths slid together, over and over again. As their tongues eventually came into contact, Alex immediately pulled back in remorse and began to apologise profusely, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Olivia! That's the second time I've kissed you in the last few days and I shouldn't have done so either time."
"It's alright," Olivia reassured the ADA, her thumb rubbing back and forth on Alex's thigh.
"No! It's not! You're seeing Serena and I'm proving Abbie right by kissing you... You're not a cheater but I am, and I'm tempting you to become one."
"If you hadn't noticed, I was a willing participant kissing you... both times." Olivia's mind encouraging her, 'Nice big hint there Benson, but damnit, just tell her how you really feel.'
Alex brushed aside the comment, too guilty to fully comprehend what Olivia had just admitted. "Still doesn't make it right. Serena deserves better than me throwing myself at you."
"You're right, Serena does deserve better. She deserves someone that truly loves her, and I'm not that woman." The detective's inner thoughts screaming, 'Because I love you!'
"I don't deserve anyone. Looks like I got what was coming to me. I cheated on Robert, and I got cheated on by Abbie... I really deserve what I got."
"I'm... I'm not following, Alex." Liv hesitated. 'Yep, just like every other time. You have no qualms busting a perp, but you're too scared to tell her. Such a coward!'
"Someone up there is punishing me," Alex pointed skywards, tears silently trickling down her cheeks. "I deserve everthing that's being thrown at me right now. I deserve to have breast cancer."
"Wait, what?! Deserve?! Stop thinking like that right now, Alex! Noone and I mean noone deserves cancer, especially you! As much as I dislike Abbie after what she did..." mentally adding 'and what she said in the lobby', "...not even she deserves cancer. I wouldn't even wish cancer, any type of cancer, on my worst enemy." Keeping her hand on Alex's thigh, Olivia moved her other hand up to wipe away the blonde's tears.
Alex attempted to fight back the tears that overwhelmed her as Olivia kept thumbing them away, "It just feels like... everything in my life right now... has gone wrong... and I need to blame someone... and the easiest person to blame... is myself."
"It's not your fault, sweetie. None of this is your fault."
"Do you think it could get any worse... than what's happened so far?"
"Well... they say these kind of things happen in threes."
"So something else... is bound to happen... before things get better?"
"Probably, but let's hope not."
Olivia continued to comfort Alex for quite some time, reassuring her that her breast cancer wasn't punishment from a higher deity or her fault because of past misjudgements or indiscretions. It was just a mutation in her cells in her breast and nothing more. Eventually, Alex shifted back so they were sitting side by side once again, with the ADA resting her head on Olivia's shoulder and Olivia's arm wrapped across Alex's back and waist holding her the little more closer. They continued to sit on the floor for some time, relishing the close contact and each other's company in their individual, yet very similar way. Both reflecting on what had transpired over the last couple of days and hours in comfortable silence.
Neither woman knew that 'number 3' would be revealed at the Rainbow Shamrock, 8 days later.
"He's... ACHOO!... ruined! Look at... ACHOO!... just look at him!" Abbie sneezed and sobbed while she held the harnessed dildo aloft. Entirely covered in finely ground pepper, a few shards of glass from a photo frame had imbedded along the realistic flesh coloured shaft and several cuts were quite visible on the silicone phallus, particularly even more visible now seeing they were filled with the dark powdery spice.
"Is he salvageable?"
"Cutie, I don't think we should try... ACHOO!... Even with a flavoured condom on him like usual. And the leather harness... I don't want to burn any lady parts!"
"Can you get another one?"
"They don't make this particular model any more! King Dong was a limited edition dildo!" wailed Abbie.
"King Dong the dildo's dead."
Abbie rolled her eyes, "Not... ACHOO!... funny, Hunny!"
"Well, you know we both quite like... au naturel too."
Abbie dropped the harness, stuck out her tongue suggestively and wiggled her 2 fingers in a beckoning, come hither matter. "I know you do!"
The next day, Saturday, Olivia was meant to catch up with Serena as per the text received when Alex revealed about the breakup and cancer, but being a detective with the NYPD, nothing went to plan. A case regarding a serial rape/murderer came to light in the early hours of Saturday morning that kept the whole SVU squad working diligently the next 7 days. Olivia had sent an apologetic text to Serena, mentioning they needed to talk face to face soon. The SVU detective knew she could break up with the ACLU lawyer over the phone or text, but she thought Serena deserved to be told in person. Olivia had checked in with Alex a few times each day, but Alex had been just as busy during the week preparing for her upcoming surgery. She had informed Mike Cutter on the same Saturday, immediately requesting a minimum of 8 weeks for surgery and recovery with a possibility of extension depending on what the outcome would be of the surgery. She requested that noone would know why she was taking time off, saying if anyone asked it was for personal reasons, which Mike agreed to. Alex had spent the week tidying up her cases and all of Friday bringing her replacement, ADA Rafael Barba, up to speed on each case. Olivia had been granted all day Monday off by Captain Cragen to be there with Alex for her surgery. Don promised to keep Alex's breast cancer under wraps from the squad until such time Alex was ready to tell people. He was aware that only Alex, Olivia, Mike and himself were the only ones privy to the information, apart from Alex's doctor, surgeon and oncologist.
One thing that still hadn't tidied up until now, the Friday afternoon just 3 days out from Alex's surgery, was the engagement ring she had been paying off. Olivia accompanied Alex to the jewellery store after Alex decided to have the engagement ring remade to something else, explaining to the jeweller that she and Abbie weren't ready for marriage right now, but she wouldn't renege on the purchase.
Olivia's eyes nearly fell out of her head when she saw the 2 carat pear shape pink diamond with a carat of pavé set white diamonds around the entire band in lustrous platinum. She didn't even think a year's worth of her detective's salary would come even close to paying for the ring Alex had intended to give Abbie, maybe even 2 years. Alex explained to the jeweller that she wanted the stones from the ring made in to a pendant, the pink diamond to feature and the white diamonds to now surround the rare gem in the form of an upside down ribbon. The platinum in the ring would be used to make the new surround and Alex was now looking at different necklace chain links styles to finish.
"Seems you and Ms Carmichael are ones for new necklaces right now, Ms Cabot." Jean-Paul, the elderly jeweller commented as he sketched the design for Alex.
Both Alex and Olivia's curiosity were piqued at that statement, "Oh?"
"Yes, Ms Carmichael has a necklace getting made... Oh dear, I hope I haven't spoiled a surprise for you."
Alex lied, "No! Abigail told me she was getting one made, but she won't tell me what it looks like. Do you think I could sneak a look at your design? Please?"
"I shouldn't."
"But I know you will for me, Jean-Paul." Alex charmed the older man.
"Just for you, Ms Cabot! But please act surprised when you see it."
"I certainly will! Don't worry about that!" Alex eased the jeweller's concern.
The elderly man disappeared out the back for a few moments before reappearing with a coloured sketch which he passed over to Alex and Olivia. It was a 3 drop bezel set pendant with cabochon stones all the same size. Alex noted the different stones were reddish orange stone, a purple stone and a blue stone set in yellow gold. "What stones are these?"
"That's a Carnelian, an Amethyst and a Sapphire. Ms Carmichael specifically chose those stones for the necklace." Jean-Paul said as he resumed sketching Alex's redesign.
Olivia whispered in Alex's ear, "Carnelian, Amethyst, Sapphire... C-A-S. Casey. It's Casey."
Realisation dawned on the ADA, "It makes perfect sense. Casey's hair is actually red, Carnelian is red... Casey's a lesbian, Amethyst is purple, the lesbian colour is considered to be purple... Casey's birthstone is Sapphire. Abbie's been having her affair with Casey under my nose!"