While Elsa slept soundly all night, Anna woke up only once. She needed to reassure herself that her sister was still there, as if the older girl could have ever managed to extricate herself from Anna's grasp on her own. The princess leaned on one elbow and watched Elsa until she was tired enough to rest some more. When she fell asleep again, she stayed that way until morning.
As early light infiltrated her eyes, Anna shifted. She nuzzled her face into the softness beneath her head and sighed, breathing in a trace of Elsa's scent. She smiled sleepily. She began to move her arms to a more comfortable position curled against Elsa's side when suddenly the older girl jerked and cried out. Instantly fully awake, Anna sat up and met her sister's pained eyes.
"Elsa?" she asked, her voice rough from sleep. "Are you all right?" The queen didn't reply, but brought a hand to her side and winced.
"Ohhh," Anna groaned in realization. "I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry Elsa! I must have bumped you. I didn't mean to, I really, really didn't. Are you okay?" Panic was beginning to fill her voice, but Elsa put a gentle hand on her sister's shoulder.
"It's all right. I'm okay," she grimaced.
"I'm so sorry I hurt you," Anna murmured remorsefully.
"It's fine, Anna," Elsa reassured her. "I know you didn't mean to. Though there is one thing you can do to make it better."
"What's that?" the girl asked desperately. Elsa lifted a hand and took Anna's cheek in her palm.
"Tonight, you can sleep on my other side instead."
"Tonig- wait, you mean we can do this again?!" Anna gasped in elation. Elsa simply smiled up at her, enthralled by her sister's excitement. To think she could bring this wonderful person such joy just by staying with her brought happiness to Elsa's heart.
"Unless you don't want to," Elsa replied almost teasingly. Anna didn't catch her tone, completely caught up in her emotions as she was, so Elsa's words made her frown suddenly. She lay down carefully beside her sister and with a warm hand she turned Elsa's head to face her.
"I will always want to be at your side," she said with great conviction. "I promised you I'd never leave, and I mean it." Shocked by Anna's sudden fervency, Elsa gaped at her sister. Anna scooted closer and pressed a lingering kiss to Elsa's forehead and whispered against her skin.
"I love you."
Elsa held on tight, fighting tears and smiling all the while, basking in years-overdue love. Anna held Elsa close, but with great care. The last thing she wanted was to hurt her again. Elsa was completely content wrapped up in Anna's arms. The young woman was warm and smelled nice and made her feel so safe that Elsa almost fell asleep again. Anna felt her sister's body relaxing and moved a little bit.
"Don't go to sleep yet, dear," she admonished quietly. "We need to get some food into you first." Elsa nodded against her chest but didn't move, so Anna reluctantly pulled away and got to her feet. Elsa mumbled a little and curled up peacefully in the warm place she had vacated, eyes closed and a smile on her face. Anna shook her head with an adoring, disbelieving grin and stepped into the hallway to ask a staff member to bring breakfast.
"Elsa?" the voice sounded very far away, but the queen stirred slightly as it repeated itself. "Elsa, you have to get up," it was a gentle, patient sound, but it called her closer to consciousness nonetheless. A hand pulled at her shoulder and Elsa let herself be rolled over.
"Elsa." It was no longer a questioning tone, and Elsa smiled a little as she groggily forced her eyes open.
"Mmmm…?" she mumbled sleepily in response, gazing up at her sister through half-lidded eyes.
"Come on," Anna insisted, pulling at Elsa's arms until the older woman was sitting up. Anna pushed her sister's legs over the side of the bed so that she could sit up more easily.
"Eat breakfast with me, and then I'll let you go back to sleep. Deal?" Elsa met her eyes and smiled in response, slightly more alert than before. The sisters didn't speak much as they ate side by side. When Elsa finished her meal she leaned against Anna and closed her eyes with a sigh.
"Are you feeling okay?" Anna asked, rubbing Elsa's back. She was beginning to worry again.
"I'm fine, Anna," she murmured into the girl's shoulder. "I'm just tired. From everything."
"I understand," Anna replied. "You've been through a lot. Drink a little more water and you can lay down again." Elsa obeyed after throwing a mock-annoyed look at the redhead, who simply raised an uncompromising eyebrow in response. Anna helped Elsa lie back down. To Anna's surprise, Elsa pulled the princess down with her.
"Please stay," Elsa mumbled, already half-conscious, "until I fall asleep. You… you help." Anna's face softened with a tender smile.
"Of course," she replied quietly, lying down next to Elsa and tugging the covers over them both again. She brushed Elsa's side and froze, worried that she might have hurt her sister again, but then she noticed that Elsa had pulled her against her uninjured side. She settled in and lay still, finding Elsa's hand and holding it gently. Anna could feel Elsa gradually relax against her, as if melting into her side. She took a moment to enjoy the warmth from Elsa's sleeping body. She waited a while to make sure Elsa was completely asleep before kissing her temple and carefully getting out of the bed. Anna tucked the blankets snugly around Elsa's slim shoulders and pulled the curtains closer so that the light wouldn't bother her as she rested.
While Elsa slept, Anna dressed and quietly crept from the room to find Kai. He bowed upon seeing her approach.
"Good afternoon, Your Highness," he greeted her warmly. "It is good to see you. How is the queen?"
"She is resting," the girl responded. "She is still very tired, but she seems to be healing now." The old manservant's face relaxed in relief.
"I'm glad," he said with a smile. "We worry for her."
"Me too," Anna agreed, "but I think the worst is behind us."
"Kai," she began with an anxious smile. "How is… everything?"
"The people are once more loyal to you and your sister," he reassured her. "The criminal who would have removed you is being held in the dungeon awaiting his fate."
"His fate? What does that mean?" she asked, not sure if she really wanted to know the answer.
"In the case of an attempted assassination and coup such as this, the queen has the right to decide the punishment singlehandedly even without presenting the overwhelming evidence before a court of law. However, such a decision can be delegated to the court or to the royal council if the queen is unable or otherwise unwilling to oversee it." Anna nodded thoughtfully.
"When Elsa wakes, I will ask her what she wants to do. Thank you, Kai." The man bowed and smiled in response. Anna made her way back down the hall toward her room. She knew Elsa would eventually want news of the kingdom, and now she had some to offer.
Anna paused by her door and looked down the hall to her sister's room. Curiosity got the better of her so, after checking to find Elsa still fast asleep in her bed, Anna made her way a little farther down the hall. Her hands trembled as she stood in front of the door she had gazed upon for years. This mysterious door had, until recently, enclosed Elsa's entire world.
And it had been instrumental in keeping Anna out of it. She refused to let herself be mad at her sister, so all her pent-up rage was being somewhat directed at the door that had separated them. Anna's eyes hardened with anger and she lashed out in fury. Her hand slammed onto the handle and she shoved her shoulder hard against the door. It opened.
Anna stood stock-still in shock at the sight of this foreign territory. Shadows fell harshly in the dim room. The light purple walls were mostly cast into darkness, which was not lessened at all by the dark wood furniture. Elsa's room was the same temperature as the hallway, but it somehow seemed colder. It looked very sparse and empty - almost forlorn. Anna took a hesitant step into the room, then another and another until she was standing at the foot of Elsa's bed. It didn't look comfortable at all, and neither did the desk chair. The desk itself was the only indication that Elsa had recently inhabited this place. There were a few papers on it and a large bookcase beside it containing dozens of tomes. A book open on the desk seemed to be a review of Arendelle's coronation procedures. Elsa had clearly been studying.
"I wish I could have helped you," Anna murmured absently. "I can't imagine what it was like getting ready for that all on your own."
There was another large piece of furniture on the other side of the room. It was shaped like a wardrobe but it was much too large and seemed to be set into the wall. It opened easily to Anna's tug on the handle. Inside were several deep shelves stacked with open-topped boxes. Anna pulled one toward herself to look inside. Then another, and another.
Gloves upon gloves upon gloves… how many gloves does Elsa have? Did she ever go without them? Anna marveled at the wide array of fabrics. Leather, linen, wool, and a few exotic textures she didn't recognize. There were even a few pairs of heavy metal gauntlets on a shelf. What?
Beside one of the boxes was a small leather-bound book. Anna felt almost drawn to it, her curiosity overflowing as she took it and opened it to the first page. There, written in large imperfect letters,
"Elsa, age 8. Papa gave me these linen gloves to see if they can help me control my powers. 'Conceal it, don't feel it, don't let it show'. He wants me to repeat that. He said that when I can control my powers I can come out and play with Anna again. He said this journal should be an expirr- expir- experiment to see what works and what doesn't. These gloves work okay. But if I try to use my powers, it goes through them a little. If I get scared, they don't work at all – it's like I wasn't even wearing gloves. I guess that's part of the experiment."
Anna's eyes widened. Elsa, little Elsa, had written this - probably soon after the accident. She's been trying all along. Anna flipped the page.
"Elsa, age 9. Linen doesn't work at all any more. Cotton does better. Papa was right - controlling my feelings keeps the powers from happening as much, but it's still not enough. It's not safe enough for Anna, so I can't go out yet. But I'm trying. I promise I am."
The princess stared. This was because of me… She skipped several pages and read further.
"Elsa, age 11. We tried a new material called silk, imported from far away. It was somehow even worse than linen. Cotton doesn't help as much any more – it takes two thick layers. I think this curse is getting stronger, and I'm scared. I can't let anybody close or I'll hurt them for sure. I haven't seen Anna in so long. And I miss hugging Mama."
Anna gasped. Counting quickly in her head, she realized it had been ten years since Elsa had been hugged. She's gotten used to it remarkably well. As she read, Anna noticed that the tone in Elsa's reports was getting darker and her writings more terse and professional. 'My powers' changed to 'the powers' and finally to 'this curse'. Even 'Papa' changed to 'Father'. It tore at Anna's heart to see the innocence leaving her sister's penmanship as she aged.
"Elsa, age 12. Cotton doesn't work at all anymore. We have moved on to various types of wool. Father said the glove-maker is getting suspicious, so I'm learning how to make gloves on my own."
"Elsa, age 12. Wool is working! Father says I'll be able to come out soon if I continue to control the curse. Maybe in time for my 13th birthday! I could come out and see Anna."
"Elsa, age 13. Wool – no. Not even two pairs at the same time. Trials must now run three weeks before I report results. Happy birthday, Elsa."
Anna remembered that day. She'd heard rumors of Elsa planning to leave her room for her birthday, but when she neared Elsa's room that afternoon their parents had intercepted her. They quickly led her away, but not before she could hear her sister's desperate muffled voice shouting from behind the door. "No! STOP IT! Just for today, PLEASE… please…" followed by audible, desperate sobbing as Anna was hauled off.
Dragging herself from heartbreaking memories that now made much more sense, Anna refocused her attention on Elsa's book. Several lists spanning years read repetitions of failures as Elsa clearly tried again and again to find a solution. While the handwriting got neater, the notes lost depth.
"Elsa, age 14. Goatskin leather – no."
"Elsa, age 14. Reindeer pelt – no."
"Elsa, age 14. Lambskin leather – no."
"Elsa, age 15. Cowhide leather – no."
"Elsa, age 15. Buckskin leather – no."
"Elsa, age 15. Bear hide – no."
Only failure was present, even through innumerable combinations throughout Elsa's teenage years. They lasted for pages and pages until a longer, more positive entry finally appeared.
"Elsa, age 17. Iron gauntlets from the armory – yes, surprisingly, though they get very brittle when they get cold. I can't go around wearing gauntlets, but maybe I am close to a breakthrough."
As Anna read, tears gathering in her eyes, she noticed the entries around the time of their parents' death.
"Elsa, age 18. Nothing can control this wretched curse. NOTHING. My gauntlets have all shattered and I think the door is frozen shut. I can hear Anna out there. She's crying. I can't go out. I can't be there for her even when she needs me the most. Oh Anna, I've failed you. I'm so, so sorry."
Tears fell as Anna gripped the book hard in her hands. Shaking her head mutely, she silently expressed her disagreement. You never failed me, Elsa. The entries continued.
"Elsa, age 19. Iron plates on buckskin on wool – temporarily, before metal gets brittle and cracks. Kai says the blacksmith knows better than to ask questions, so hopefully my supply of metal pieces will continue until I find something permanent."
"Elsa, age 19. Steel plates on buckskin on wool – yes. It works, but it has to be in really thick sheets to work well. It's too bulky, too conspicuous. Perhaps steel would be good for other applications…"
Anna paused and focused on a note written in the margin.
"Elsa, age 19. I designed and commissioned a set of thick steel cuffs made to enclose the entire hand to be set on chains in the farthest reach of the dungeon. They were installed today under the pretense of being a newfangled long-term psychological torture device. I think that sounds ridiculous, but somehow they believed me. Should this curse ever become completely uncontrollable, I can lock myself in them and keep from hurting anyone. Especially Anna – she barely survived the first time. I almost killed my sister and I'm afraid I could do it again. I am a monster."
Imprisoned? Monster? Elsa, no! Fighting tears, Anna skipped over Elsa's experiments with other metals and looked at the last few entries.
"Elsa, age 20. Buckskin enclosing double brass plates over wool – yes, still too bulky."
"Elsa, age 20. Buckskin enclosing silver plates over cotton – still works. Much thinner. There's something special about silver, I think…"
"Elsa, age 21. Two layers of buckskin with silver filings filling the space between them. It's effective, thin, flexible. Perfect. My coronation is in three days. I must hold the traditional elements in my bare hands, but the rest of the time I can conceal the curse behind these new gloves. I will protect my people. I will protect Anna – I love her."
That was the last entry, but Anna couldn't have read more if she'd tried. She was overcome by her tears, mourning her sister's lost childhood and adolescence. She looked at the multitude of gloves, organized in boxes by age and material. They increased in size as Elsa grew, and Anna knew she was witnessing failed experiment after failed experiment. Her sister's life's work lay before her. She pulled out a pair of soft white linen gloves made for little tiny hands and held them close to her chest.
"No. Elsa, no," she murmured through her tears. "You… no…" she moaned miserably, thinking of her sister as a child, painstakingly struggling to find a solution and failing over and over again. She thought of the fear that had must have permeated Elsa's every waking moment. She thought of the dungeon Elsa had prepared for herself - a place built to contain her should she lose control. But it hadn't worked – fear had overtaken the queen and she ran. And so did Anna, right back to her sister.
Elsa lay curled on her side. She was asleep, but a furrow in her brow betrayed her unconscious unease. Anna fell to her knees beside her sister. She knew Elsa needed sleep. She didn't want to wake her, but she needed… she needed Elsa. The younger girl carefully pulled the blanket back a little bit to reveal Elsa's hands. These hands had been such a source of fear in Elsa's life. They were capable of such beauty, yet had been the focus of countless hours of experimentation, agony, and despair. These hands had taken their owner's life and saved Anna's all in the same day. These were the same soft hands with delicate fingers Anna had gently washed not twelve hours ago. Elsa's hands. Anna bit her lip to try to keep from crying as she gently pulled one of them toward herself. She grasped it in both of hers, her elbows leaning heavily on the side of the bed.
A quiet keening whimper escaped from Anna's throat as tears flooded her eyes. Not even whispered words would come as she pressed her forehead to Elsa's limp fingers and wept. Anna was trying to be quiet, but an instinct deeply seated within Elsa called her to wakefulness. Even after years apart she was still subconsciously attuned to the sound of her sister's distress. Elsa's fingers reflexively curled over Anna's thumb as she woke a little and moved uneasily. Anna gasped and sniffled and Elsa's eyes blinked open at the sound.
"Anna!" she exclaimed softly, immediately noticing the girl's broken expression. She automatically squeezed her hand and the pressure almost made Anna cry even more. She let loose a shaky hiccup and bent her head to Elsa's hand again.
"Elsa…" Anna sobbed pitifully. "I saw your… gloves…" Elsa stiffened, but relaxed almost immediately.
"You went into my room." Anna nodded somewhat fearfully, looking up with guilt written all over her red face.
"I'm not mad," Elsa reassured her. "You are curious, and I was asleep. I'm sorry that seeing them upset you."
"Nooo," Anna wailed. "Elsa, don't be sorry for that. Don't be sorry for any of this!" She wept even harder because Elsa was being so calm, and how could anyone be calm when this had happened to them?! Just then, she felt fingers in her hair. And the sensation meant so much more now that she knew what Elsa went through to feel safe enough to do this - what she was still going through to some degree to rid herself of the fear. Anna broke down completely.
"Anna? Anna!" Elsa called, distressed by her sister's gut-wrenching sobs, but the girl could not respond. Elsa did her best to pull Anna onto the bed with her. This time it was Elsa who drew near to her helpless sister. She would have pulled Anna close to her heart again, but the princess wouldn't let go of one of Elsa's hands. She held it in both of her own, pressed against her chest. Elsa continued to run the fingers of her other hand through Anna's hair, hoping it would calm her. What could have upset her so? She doesn't know why there are so many… then Elsa froze.
"You found my experiment log, didn't you." Her voice was soft and regretful and Anna curled even tighter around Elsa's captive hand in response. "Oh Anna… I'm so sorry you had to see that. My love, it's not your fault. It's all right."
"You l-loved me," Anna whispered. "You loved me the… the whole time!"
"Yes I did," Elsa confirmed tenderly, "and I still do. I have always loved you, Anna." Instead of calming down, Anna seemed to only get more distraught.
"And at the… the coronation… Elsa, you knew more about love than I ever could! I can't believe I said that to you when all along you… you…"
"It's okay," Elsa tried to calm her sister, but Anna wasn't having any of it.
"No it's not! Elsa! I'm so sorry. I had no idea! You were trying! You did love me! And all along I… I made it so… so… so much worse!"
"No, my darling," Elsa murmured evenly. "You gave me a purpose." Anna opened her streaming eyes in confusion.
"My one goal through those years was to come back to you," Elsa explained. "To be your sister again the way you wanted and needed me to be. I desperately wanted to be part of your life. Without that to work toward, I don't know what I would have done. You kept me going."
"But… but…" Anna was still writhing in her regrets. She whimpered as her composure threatened to break once more.
"Anna," Elsa said firmly, "listen to me." And Anna was still. Elsa took a deep breath.
"If it wasn't for you, I would have tried what I did on the mountain a lot sooner." She ignored the shudder that passed through her sister. "Yes you said unkind things sometimes, but I always understood why. And I forgave you long ago. If it makes you feel better, I forgive you again now. But I need you to hear what I am saying." She brushed Anna's hair out of her face and waited until their eyes met again.
"I don't want you to feel guilty, dear one. I don't want you to feel so bad about our past that you make yourself sick like this. Why would I want that when I love you so?" Elsa gently wiped away her sister's burning tears. The younger girl sniffled and her fierce grip on Elsa's hand relaxed slightly.
"All that time I loved you the only way I could – by staying away from you to protect you from myself. I know it was not enough. I could never love you the way you needed to be loved from behind that door. I can't even imagine what you went through all alone." Elsa had developed a small frown, but then she smiled again.
"But now I'm here. And you're here. You're safe, because I can control it. And because you're safe, I can feel safe too. There is a lot of darkness behind us, I know. But now that I'm looking at you, all I can see is light. I love you, Anna." At that, Anna finally released Elsa's hand and shakily opened her arms. Elsa responded immediately by wrapping the girl up in a wide embrace. The movement hurt her side, but Elsa pushed the pain away in favor of enjoying the way Anna's distress lessened in her arms. Eventually Anna pulled away. She was still crying, Elsa noticed with concern.
"What is it, love?"
"I talked with Kai," Anna whimpered. "He says we have to decide what to do with that awful prince. What are we gonna do?" she blubbered. Elsa then realized that the emotional stress of the past few days' activities was catching up to her sister and had proven, unsurprisingly, to be rather overwhelming. She wiped away Anna's tears and chilled her hands to press onto her sister's flushed cheeks, soothing the burning that had begun to give the girl a headache. Anna relaxed at the cool, relieving sensation and leaned into Elsa's touch as her fear and discomfort ebbed away.
"I know there are a lot of things to be taken care of with the kingdom, but I trust Kai and the advisors to handle it for now." Elsa sighed regretfully at the distress the entire situation had brought upon her sister. "Please don't worry about it, Anna. It will be okay. I'll take care of it later." Elsa stifled a sleepy yawn. "But I'm still so tired. Will you take a nap with me? You look like you need some rest too."
"Yes," Anna laughed through the last of her tears. "Yes I'll take a nap with you."
Elsa smiled and kept stroking Anna's face with cold hands, leeching the heat from her sister's tear-stained skin. Once satisfied that Anna felt better, she leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. Then Elsa pulled her sister into a warm embrace. Anna sighed in relief as she let herself relax into the now-familiar safe closeness of her sister's arms.
Anna woke late that afternoon feeling much better. She lay awake for a while, enjoying the way Elsa held her even in sleep. Her worries were no longer a crushing burden on her mind. Now that Elsa was okay, everything would be okay. She blushed at how pitiful she must have seemed, running to Elsa in tears and waking her up like that. Guilt swirled in her stomach and she cringed a little. Elsa, though still asleep, responded subconsciously to her sister's tensing by shifting one arm to hold her closer. Anna relaxed again, surrendering to the comfort of Elsa's embrace. She loves me, Anna reminded herself, just as much as I love her. The thought staved off her tears. I wouldn't mind if she woke me up if she was upset. Maybe… maybe she doesn't mind that I woke her. Deep down, Anna knew Elsa didn't mind. She turned over the past events in her mind – the way Elsa had reassured her over and over of her enduring love and forgiveness – and felt peace. She loves me, Anna thought to herself again and smiled.
I'll let her sleep, Anna decided. Elsa held her so securely that Anna knew she couldn't get up without waking her sister. She didn't feel tired initially, but listening to Elsa's sleeping breaths lured Anna into a light doze. Half an hour later, Elsa woke up. Her weariness was gone and she smiled at how much better she felt, and at how nice it was to wake up with Anna wrapped in her arms and curled up against her chest like she was. She smiled and gently rubbed Anna's back. The girl hummed agreeably and burrowed her face into Elsa's neck. The queen laughed quietly and Anna's eyes blinked open.
"Hey," she murmured, looking up at Elsa's bright eyes as the older girl smiled in response.
"Are you feeling better?" Elsa asked, her voice low in concern as she moved a hand to cradle Anna's head.
"Mmm, much better," Anna said, closing her eyes in bliss as Elsa gently scratched her scalp.
"I'm glad," Elsa replied and buried her nose in Anna's hair.
They lay together for a while longer, enjoying each other's presence. After some time, Anna got up and brought Elsa a snack and some water. The queen watched jealously as the young woman walked freely about the room, stretching her legs.
"Anna, I'm getting tired of being in bed," Elsa griped, crossing her arms. Anna sat on the side of the bed and smiled empathetically at her antsy sister.
"I know, but you need your rest. You have to take time to heal, Elsa."
"I can't take it any more," Elsa all but whined. "Let's go for a walk. It doesn't have to be far - maybe just down the hall. I haven't wandered around the castle since I was a child." Anna stared at her sister in astonishment. It hadn't occurred to her that Elsa really didn't leave her room much at all over those years. Meanwhile, Anna had had the run of the place. The princess felt a stab of sorrow for her sister, but she shoved her thoughts away when Elsa put her legs over the side of the bed, eager to move around.
"But you're in a nightgown," Anna noted, standing up. Elsa frowned initially, but then she pulled a sly grin.
"That's okay," she said. "Watch this!" And with a swift gesture, her nightgown was transformed into a shimmering ice dress like she had worn in her mountain palace. Her vision swam from the effort and Anna quickly held onto her shoulders to keep her from falling over.
"Elsa!" she complained. "Don't do that! You know using your powers tires you out!"
"It wasn't too bad," Elsa insisted as her sight quickly cleared. "See? I'm fine."
"You really are the worst about resting, aren't you," Anna huffed in aggravation.
"Probably," Elsa said with a cheeky grin. Anna couldn't help but smile back, delighted to see her sister so happy.
"Well, if you're so set upon walking around," Anna said, taking Elsa's hands, " then up you get!" She pulled the queen to her feet and wrapped an arm around her waist to steady her.
"All right, let's go!" Elsa exclaimed, already starting to move forward.
"Wait," Anna called, so Elsa turned back to her. "You have to hold my hand."
"Oh? Why?" Elsa asked curiously.
"Because I don't want you to fall over and… um… because I like it when you hold my hand," Anna stammered, slightly embarrassed. But she smiled when Elsa immediately took her hand and squeezed it gently.
"That works out well, then," Elsa said. "I like to hold your hand, too." Anna's face broke into a grin as she looked up gratefully at her sister's beautiful smile. Hand in hand they walked out of the room to embark upon a relatively small-scale adventure.
Anna made sure Elsa didn't move too quickly as they walked the halls together. She told stories of her childhood escapades and Elsa listened intently, enthralled by the tales of all the trouble the younger girl had gotten into over the years.
"… and one day I crashed the bike into a suit of armor at the bottom of the stairs on this floor. I made a dent in him," she laughed as they approached the knightly figure.
"Look! It's still there!" Elsa exclaimed and covered her mouth as she pointed at the deformed chestpiece. Anna laughed loudly and held her sides as Elsa examined the damage.
"Nobody ever noticed?" Elsa wondered through her own amusement.
"I g-guess not!" Anna managed to squeak out through her giggles. "He never told, and I never told anyone besides Joan."
"Joan?" Elsa asked curiously.
"Oh… I never told you about… uh, it's kind of embarrassing," Anna stammered, her eyes shifting away from her sister as her laughter faded.
"What is it, Anna?"
"Well… it would probably be easier for me to show you," the princess explained and led Elsa down another hallway. They soon arrived in the deserted portrait room.
"Elsa, this is Joan," Anna said simply, standing before the large frame on the wall.
"Joan… Joan of Arc?" Elsa asked, still confused.
"I… um… used to talk to the pictures on the wall," Anna explained bashfully. Elsa's jaw dropped in sudden understanding.
"You… you did. I remember – you said so yourself, a long time ago. I never thought you really… I never wanted to believe that you actually… oh Anna," Elsa whispered guiltily. "You were so alone." Sensing Elsa's remorse, Anna shook her head vehemently.
"Not as alone as you were," she insisted. "It was okay. Paintings are really good at listening, you know."
"It wasn't fair," Elsa continued, tears welling up in her eyes. "It wasn't fair for them to keep you locked up in here too. You did nothing wrong!"
"Neither did you," Anna reminded her, but Elsa's brow was furrowed in anguish.
"You weren't a dangerous monster," she shouted before dropping her head in shame at Anna's expression of shock and hurt. But before she could move away, she found herself looking right into Anna's furious eyes. The girl had both hands on Elsa's face, holding her head still.
"You are not a monster," Anna growled, emphasizing every word. "You are not, Elsa. And you never were." She pulled Elsa's head down to press their foreheads together.
"I… think you're mistaken," Elsa muttered, refusing to look Anna in the eyes. She tried to pull away but Anna scowled and held on tighter.
"STOP," she shouted. Elsa flinched at the sudden sound, but Anna refused to lower her voice. "Elsa, I don't know what they told you all those years, and I don't know what you've been telling yourself, but you are not a monster!" She pushed Elsa to sit on the bench under the painting.
"If I have to, I'll repeat it over and over until you believe it. You are not a monster, you are not a monster." Anna bent over her sister, still holding Elsa's head between her hands. Elsa was crying brokenly and Anna's anger faded at the sight. Her grip on her sister's head softened and she sank to her knees in front of Elsa.
"You're not, Elsa. You're really not." She moved one hand to wipe away Elsa's tears. The older woman was bent forwards in misery with her eyes closed. "You're just Elsa. My Elsa." Anna moved to sit on the bench beside Elsa and pulled the miserable queen into her arms.
"It hurts me that you think that way about yourself," Anna admitted softly, "when I love you so much."
"Hurts… you?" The barely audible whisper filtered through Elsa's tears.
"Yes, Elsa," Anna confirmed fervently. "It hurts my heart. It's even worse than being shut out."
"W-what do I do, then?" Elsa asked meekly. "I d-don't… I…" She was at a loss, but then Anna gently took her chin and turned her face up to meet her eyes.
"Just try to believe me," Anna murmured. "Forget the lies you've listened to, and believe what I'm telling you instead. That I love you, that you're not a monster, that you're lovely, you're kind, you're strong, you're beautiful, that it's not your fault that everything in our past happened… no, no, look at me," Anna insisted, as Elsa's eyes had closed tightly. "It wasn't your fault, Elsa. Please, please believe me." She pulled Elsa closer and sighed.
"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you," she murmured as she kissed Elsa's forehead and held her close. "I have so much love for you. And I know you have a lot of love for me, but Elsa… you have to love yourself, too."
"Why?" came the choked whisper.
"Because I love you." Anna was quiet for a moment to let her words sink into Elsa's fractured mind. Then she carefully pulled Elsa to her feet and led her out of the room.
"Back to bed with you," she said to an unprotesting queen as they made their way down the hall.
Elsa was silent as Anna settled into the bed beside her and held her close.
"Why does this keep happening to me?" Elsa wondered aloud, sniffling still.
"What do you mean?" Anna asked, tracing patterns on Elsa's back. The ice dress she had created was fading back into fabric as the queen relaxed.
"All this… crying." Elsa croaked and buried her face in Anna's shoulder, embarrassed and confused. Anna was silent for a moment, thinking.
"Maybe it's because you're learning how to feel again," she suggested. "You're fighting against years of lies. I bet it's kind of overwhelming."
"I don't like it," she muttered.
"Crying?" Anna asked to clarify. Elsa nodded.
"I'd be concerned if you did," Anna murmured, smiling softly. "Don't worry about it, Elsa. I'm no more bothered by it than you were this afternoon when I woke you up over the gloves. You… didn't mind, did you?" she asked, insecurity slipping into her voice.
"Of course not," Elsa replied firmly, wrapping her arms around Anna. "I want you to come to me when you're upset. I have always wanted to be there for you."
"I feel the same way," Anna grinned. "I'm still right out here for you." Elsa shook her head against Anna's shoulder.
"You're not out anywhere," she insisted. "You're right here with me. And I'm never letting you go again."
"Okay," Anna whispered soothingly as she ran her fingers through Elsa's hair to calm her. "I'm right here with you, and I'll never leave."
"That's better," Elsa mumbled as sleep pulled at her consciousness. "I luhh y…" Elsa's voice trailed off as she quickly fell asleep.
"I love you too," Anna said as her sister's body stilled and relaxed against hers.
Anna closed her eyes and began to drift off as well. She wasn't accustomed to taking so many naps, but doing anything else would mean getting up. Given Elsa's physical and emotional condition, moving was the last thing Anna wanted to do. She began quietly whispering to her sleeping sister, hoping that her words may subconsciously heal the tormented woman.
"You are not a monster, my dear. You're safe. I've got you, and I'm never going away. I'm not afraid of you and I never have been. I love you, Elsa. I love you." Anna's soft words echoed freely through Elsa's unconscious mind even after the sound of them stopped. Soon Anna was asleep too.
Anna woke later that evening and very slowly disentangled herself from her sister's arms. She sat and ate her dinner in silence, electing to let Elsa sleep instead of waking her to eat. She was lost in thought over dessert and was suddenly brought back to the present by a whimper from the bed. Immediately alarmed, Anna rushed back to the bedside. Elsa seemed caught in a dream. Her face was tight in fear and the temperature around her was steadily dropping. Anna lay down beside her again and tried to pull Elsa close to her chest, but the older woman struggled in her grasp and cried out. Afraid that she had hurt her sister, Anna backed off. When Elsa's restless sleep continued, Anna reached out again and took one of Elsa's hands. With very gentle tension, she unfurled each frozen digit from the tight fist. All the while, she hummed soothingly and murmured reassuring reminders of her love to Elsa. With her hand clasped in Anna's, Elsa gradually seemed to relax. Her whimpers tapered off and her face relaxed in sleep once more. Anna wove her fingers through Elsa's to maintain contact and let herself fall back asleep.
It was the middle of the night when Elsa woke again. Anna was no longer captured in her arms. Instead, the young woman was lying right next to her with one arm over her head and the other stretched out toward Elsa. She had evidently been up earlier but had come back and gone to sleep again. Elsa moved a little and found her fingers already captured by Anna's outflung hand. The princess was snoring lightly and Elsa gazed at her in adoration. She carefully loosened her sister's sleeping grip and slid out of bed on the other side. A lone candle provided light for Elsa as she walked unsteadily around the bed to have some bread and water. After a few minutes, Anna mumbled in her sleep and reached farther to where Elsa had been lying.
"Els…" the half-name hovered above a disorganized mane of red hair as Anna semiconsciously searched for her missing sibling. Elsa hurried back to her place and caught her sister's wandering hand in her own. The girl relaxed immediately though she continued to mumble. "…-sa… no… nah mon-ster… my sisnrrr…" Elsa smiled and moved close enough to pull Anna into her arms.
"Shh," Elsa whispered. "Sleep, Anna. I'm right here."
"Mmm…" Anna hummed, still mostly asleep. She wrapped her free arm around Elsa before surrendering to sleep once more. Elsa's heart filled with warmth as she looked over her sister's peaceful face.
"I love you," Elsa murmured and kissed Anna's brow before settling into her embrace.