Thank you so far for the follows, favourites and reviews- the support means a lot. There is a lot of angst in this chapter, just as a heads up. Can't wait to hear opinions. Enjoy!
Santana chased through the woods, pursuing flashes of blonde hair that moved like glimpses of sunshine between the leaves. A sweet laughter carried on the breeze and danced around her ears. Her eyes sparkled at the sound and she pushed her legs to work harder. They'd been playing a game for the last half an hour and Santana struggled as she tried her best to keep up. She could always see her friend just out in front of her but she was unable to catch her. She was always just out of reach.
She willed herself to go faster as the blonde hair edged further into the distance and became more of a blur. Suddenly coming to an opening, Santana skidded to a stop. Her heart rate began to settle as she caught her breath, her hands on her hips and bending over to take in the air. She didn't want to admit Brittany was in better shape but she was grateful for the brief break. Glancing up from her position, she noticed the blonde was nowhere to be seen. Santana rotated to look in each direction but could only see tree's and other greenery ahead. As she looked around again to no avail, an awareness dawned on her: She was in the woods by herself and vulnerable to all kinds of creatures eating her. She couldn't even help the shudder that crept up her spine. The green seemed to shrink in and surround her, the shadows appearing to reach out to grab at her. She started to panic and chew her lip as she squinted desperately to see any trace of Brittany. Nothing. What if something had got her? Would a bear want a scrawny 11 year old? She tried not to think about the Blair Witch and cursed the day Quinn had made them watch it. Her heart rate picked up again as all the possibilities flashed before her.
Her concern must have been obvious and written all over her face because cackle of familiar laughter soon filled the vast space around her. Santana felt herself flood with relief before her face dropped into a scowl. That little punk had been hiding all along. She was too proud to admit she'd been scared. Blue eyes met hers; challenging, mischievous.
"Are you still okay to run Grandma?" With that, the blonde shot off again leaving the brunette with no chance of a comeback.
Santana muttered something under her breath as she watched Brittany take the head start, she was already disappearing. More determined than last time, Santana set off in a sprint with the laughter and taunting carrying on off in the distance.
"Come and get me Santana."
...
Her eye's never left the ceiling. The minutes ticked by on the clock beside her, each movement of the second hand striking like a hammer in the silence of the room but she remained rigid, staring blankly at the space above her. The life and the spark in her eyes had been extinguished and replaced by dark, lifeless orbs. Her consciousness had retreated into a deep cave leaving just her body to lie in her bed, motionless. She was so still as the morning sun crept up through her curtains. The rays reached out and touched her face, she didn't even blink at the blinding light that kissed her skin. She just lay, eyes up at that ceiling. The world didn't stop like hers had; dogs barked, music played, car alarms sounded somewhere in the distance and there wasn't even a flinch. Her phone had rang and rang but the fortress she'd created for herself was impenetrable. Santana Lopez was lost somewhere.
It had been five hours since Susan Pierce's heart had broken over the phone. It had been five hours since the woman told Santana that she was living the nightmare of every parent. It has been five hours since Santana had felt her own world shift and collapse. It had been five hours since Santana sat on that very bed as she was told Brittany S Pierce was dead.
She hadn't cried, she hadn't actually spoken. She had listened in silence and when the conversation ended, she had simply hung up. She didn't break down or scream or have any of the reactions that would be expected. Instead, she calmly placed the phone back on the other side of her bed and lay back down. As soon as her head felt the pillow below her, she let the dark fog in her mind envelope her and pull her into the deepest abyss of her thoughts.
Brittany was dead.
It didn't matter how many times the word's swirled around in her head, she couldn't connect to them, couldn't accept them. The shock had morphed into a denial that rendered her emotionless and became her prison.
...
Mercedes stood at the front door, her hand trembling as she knocked. She frowned with concern when by the fifth knock, Santana still hadn't come to the door. Placing her ear closer, she tried to make out any sounds of movement but could hear nothing. The car was on the driveway but Mercedes expected that. She knew the her friend would not have left the house, not today. Praying Santana hadn't done anything stupid, she sniffed in her emotions as she tried the door again.
Quinn had called her little over an hour ago to break the news. The numb shock only lasted a brief moment and once the reality of Quinn's words sank in, she let herself crumble. She didn't want to believe it. Both girls openly cried on the phone becoming a soundboard to each others grief. They'd never lost someone this close to them before. She could have let it go on had she not remembered Santana. A wave of nausea hit her. Mercedes realised she would likely have to be the one to tell Santana.
"You're not to worry about that." Quinn informed her gently after Mercedes voiced her concerns. "Susan told me she's already spoken to her. She wanted to be the one to do it." Mercedes heart twisted and tugged once she realised her friend was dealing with this by herself. She should have been there.
"When?" The question was barely a whisper as she tried to shake the images of Santana receiving that phone call. She pictured the broken woman and it was like being punched in the chest. Any pain that she herself was feeling would be nothing compared to Santana.
"Once she had time to process the news herself. Santana was the first person she wanted to know. She said that it wouldn't be fair to have anyone else do it. She said it was only right because they'd both...they'd both lost the love of their life." Quinn broke down again and Mercedes blinked back the tears as she wondered how this could even be happening. Surely it had to be a nightmare? Taking deep shaky breaths, she began to pick up her things from around her office.
"Quinn I have to go, I need to see her. I'll call you in a while. Give my love to everybody."
"Please let Santana know I'm thinking of her."
They signed off and Mercedes put the phone down and called a cab to take her to Santana's. Driving would have been quicker but she knew she was in no fit state to focus on the roads.
That is how Mercedes found herself standing outside Santana's front door for fifteen minutes and still waiting on any kind of response.
"Santana, please just let me in." She pleaded through the door but it was no use, all her attempts to get in were so far ignored. Santana might have wanted to be by herself but there was no way Mercedes was going to turn around and go home until she'd at least seen her. She fished her spare key from her purse and put it into the lock. Pausing at the invasion of privacy, she reminded herself this was for the greater good and turned the key. The door opened and the silence hit her harder than it would have if her friend were a crying mess. There wasn't a single sound coming from within the apartment. She wandered to the kitchen and living area to see they were unoccupied. Making gentle steps, she made her way back up the hallway and towards the bedroom. Mercedes eased the door handle down softly and slowly pushed the door open. A sharp intake of breath filled her lungs when she saw her friend.
"Oh Santana." She quickly moved to the side of the bed and sat, taking her friends hand. "I came as fast as I could. Quinn called me." Tears rolled down her cheeks as her friend lay unresponsive. She could see her chest rising so that was at least something. "Santana?" She didn't know what to do, should she leave her? No, there was no telling how long the woman would stay here in this way if she did. Shaking her seemed too extreme. She felt so helpless. Santana had always been a fighter so to see her so broken-
"I know you too had drifted these last couple of years but there will never be a love like you both had. You could see it in the back of that choir room all those years ago. And I know you're hurting but you need to come back to me, you hear? You need to come back." Mercedes begged, hoping she'd be able to connect with her friend on some level.
There wasn't even a flicker of acknowledgement from the Latina and it near enough killed her to see it.
"I am so sorry Santana, so so sorry." Her crying shook the bed, Mercedes wasn't even trying to keep it together any more. She let her sorrow tear through her body, she let it burst from her heart and she just cried as Santana lay still beside her. Her words were choked but she just kept saying how sorry she was. "I am so sorry she's gone."
An hour passed, Mercedes never left her side. She'd fallen asleep briefly, the on-off bursts of crying leaving her exhausted. She tried to fight it but eventually succumbed. Now she was just about awake and praying to anyone that would listen. Every time she looked up to check, she filled with worried disappointment as she realised Santana still hadn't moved and she was not entirely sure what she was supposed to do. She lay her head back down, trying to clear her head. A headache was blurring her the edges of her thoughts. The tired feeling started to pull at her again and her eyes fluttered closed.
"Britt?" The sound was so quiet, it didn't even register. "Britt?" It was slightly clearer this time. Santana finally speaking caused Mercedes head to swiftly lift up from her hands. Santana blinked and turned her gaze towards her friend. Mercedes started to cry again, with a little more relief this time. Santana watched the woman sobbing uncontrollably on her bed. She hadn't even noticed her come in and now here she was, pouring her soul out with each tear. The sight seemed to snap something in Santana and brought every emotion she'd managed to fight off for the last five hours rushing down on her like a tsunami. She felt the intense pain rip across her chest and her vision blurred, her body finally succumbing to her loss. "Britt." This time, her voice was more strained and she could barely manage to croak out her name. Mercedes tear streaked face was enough confirmation that none of this had been a dream, it was all very real. A strangled wail erupted from her. She felt Mercedes arms quickly wrap themselves around her. She collapsed against the body and let everything out. She screamed and cried until her throat was raw and the tears dried up with dehydration. She forced herself out of Mercedes' arms as a heaving sob caused her to wretch. Mercedes stuck by her side and ran a soothing hand up and down her back as the woman dry heaved. The movement caused Santana's body to tense. She jerked her body away from Mercedes hands. Even with her good intentions, she didn't get to touch her like that. It wasn't her hands she wanted.
Mercedes sensed something wasn't right so dropped her hands to her side and disappeared for a moment. Santana didn't even realise she'd left until she'd returned with a glass of water for her. She accepted gratefully and sipped slowly. She could barely see through her puffy eyes. Every time she thought her body had enough, a fresh wave of grief washed over her plummeting her into another tearful breakdown.
Deciding to give Santana a bit of space, Mercedes retreated back to the living room to call Quinn back.
"She's worse than I expected Q. I don't know what to do." Mercedes proceeded to tell her everything that had happened since she'd arrived at the house. Quinn was silent on the other end of the phone and Mercedes knew she was just thinking. It was so hard to make sense of anything right now so coherent thoughts and plans came with great difficulty. The sound of Santana starting to cry again in the background caused Quinn to flinch on the phone. She felt guilty for being able to hear this incredibly personal moment, even if the woman crying had been her closest friend once. She wished she could be there.
"I think you need to bring her home." Mercedes eyes widened as she took in the suggestion and also took note of the heap Santana currently was on the floor. That would be easier said than done.
"I don't know if I can manage that. She's a wreck." She genuinely could not see how she could get Santana dressed never mind onto a plane in her current state. Quinn knew what she was thinking and she knew herself that getting Santana to go anywhere right now would not be easy.
"Merc, put her on the phone for me."
"Q I don't know if she'll want to-"
"Mercedes, please put her on the phone." While gentle, there was no room for argument in her tone. Mercedes was still unsure but obliged anyway. Santana had barely spoke a word to her since she got to the house so to say she was less than optimistic was a slight understatement. She came back in to Santana's room carefully just as the other woman looked like she was starting to retreat back into herself. She was staring off into some unknown plain.
"San. Quinn is on the phone, she'd like to speak to you." Santana looked up, her eyes bloodshot and sore. She shook her head softly but firmly enough to be a clear no.
"Put the phone in her hand." Mercedes felt like she was being instructed on how to tame a lion over the phone. She approached Santana cautiously with the phone and held it out for her to take. Santana just looked at it which is pretty much how she'd envisioned the scene playing out. Mercedes pushed the phone into her and to her surprise, Santana took it and slowly lifted it to her ear.
She left the room as both the girls spoke on the phone. This was something they needed privacy for.
"There is a plane in three hours, if you can get that I will pick you up from the airport." Santana's body suddenly felt much heavier when she considered having to leave the house.
"I don't know if I can do it Q." She just wanted to stay in her room and block the world out. Quinn knew, that's how she felt herself.
"Brittany-" Quinn paused as the mention of their friends name caused Santana to take a tearful breath in. "Brittany would want us to be together right now. We're the Unholy Trin-"
"Stop. Please don't say it." The nickname for the trio brought nothing but agony. They weren't a trinity any more and she wasn't ready.
"I'm sorry." Quinn's own voice had cracked as she too had been hit with the full force of the trinity now being a duo.
"How did you find out?" Quinn wasn't expecting that question and she took a second before answering.
"Susan called, not long after she spoke to you. She sounded so-"
"Okay, I'll come home." Quinn's eyebrows shot up in disbelief on the other end of the phone. She wasn't sure if she'd misheard.
"You're coming home?" Santana took in a deep breath as she mentally tried to build up her strength.
"For Susan. She needs us. Brittany would want that"
...
Santana and Mercedes didn't speak the entire flight. The only communication they'd made was the firm hold they had on each others hands through the journey. After the call with Quinn had ended, Santana had dragged herself up and started to make arrangements. Mercedes was staggered at the transformation. Santana wasn't talking and she barely looked at her friend but she was moving and that was more than Mercedes had managed to inspire in her. It took her a moment or two to snap herself into action.
Mercedes rang for a cab and went to help pack. Santana was looking through shoes, her hands shaking as she rifled through. Mercedes could see the struggle and how much self control was being exerted and she couldn't stop herself. She pulled the Latina into a hug. At first Santana's arms stayed limp at her side but as seconds ticked by, she fully embraced her friend back.
"Thank you." Her voice was so quiet but Mercedes heard it and squeezed just a little bit tighter.
Once Santana was packed and ready, Mercedes instructed the taxi driver to stop at her house. She could have left as Santana got ready but she didn't feel comfortable in leaving her alone so decided they'd go to hers after. As soon as she got through her front door, she packed hurriedly grabbing at any clothes. If desperate, she could always go shopping once they'd settled back at Lima. She stumbled as she caught sight of the mounted picture on her wall. It was a group picture from Nationals in senior year just after they'd won. She smiled at the memory but the smile faltered at the sight of a tall blonde in the background. She looked ecstatic and next to her was Santana whose lips were firmly placed against her cheek. The happy days. Santana wandered into the living room and noticed how Mercedes had stalled. She followed her friends line of vision and it lead her to the picture. She could still remember how Brittany's cheek had felt against her lips. No, she'd come up to the apartment for a reason.
"Er Merc, the taxi driver is getting impatient and sent me up to see if you're ready soon."
"Yeah I'm done." Both girls lingered on the picture until the sound of a horn broke the spell.
Santana sat on the plane struggling through the waves of emotions that hit her through the various points of the journey. It was a four hour flight and she intended to keep it together but then when she thought about why she was on that plane, her resolve weakened. Most of the flight was spent blinking furiously and trying to ignore the choking feeling in her chest. Every now and then she'd feel a gentle squeeze on her hand from Mercedes and she'd know her friend was having the same battle. They'd both made a silent agreement not to talk about it now, it was too sore a wound to have displayed for the other 200 passengers to see. They would wait.
...
Santana crept, careful not to step on loose twigs or anything that might alert Brittany to her location. She'd managed to finally catch up and planned to take advantage as Brittany stopped to catch her breath.
The blonde had her back turned so didn't see the figure edging closer and closer. Santana held her breath as she moved until she was directly behind the girl. She got ready and deepened her voice.
"Rarrrwr I got you."
Brittany screamed as she felt hands grab onto her shoulders and her whole body shot up. She span herself round expecting to meet her grisly end only to be greeted by the smirk of her best friend.
"Tag, you're it." Her heart was still pounding as her brain processed all the information. She felt a flash of annoyance that she'd managed to scare that easily, especially after the trick she'd pulled earlier. She'd been tagged too, damn Karma. Her annoyance turned into a raised eyebrow as she watched Santana doubled over. She knew she'd never hear the end of it but the corners of her mouth were twisting into a smile at the sight.
Santana stood up straight, her sides starting to hurt from laughing. Brittany was approaching her with a strange look in her eye.
"You found me." Her tone was odd and it made Santana uneasy. She stepped back to create some space.
"I did." Her cockiness was ebbing with each step the blonde took and her answer had the hint of question to it.
Before she knew it, Brittany's lips were on hers and as quickly as it started- it was over. Both girls gazed into each others eyes until Brittany pulled back completely. Her face was curious yet satisfied.
"Tag, you're it."
Santana was too preoccupied to even care what was going on. Her fingers traced over her lips as she relived the moment over and over in her head. She'd just had her first ever kiss and it was with Brittany Pierce.
"Come and get me Santana."
...
Santana felt a hand on her shoulder nudging at her. She groaned to make it stop but the hand only persisted.
"Brittany, quit it." The hand immediately tensed against her shoulder and quickly let go. The sudden lack of contact caused the Latina to open her eyes. She winced at the light above her. Her surroundings didn't make sense, she could have sworn there were more trees a second ago. As the sleep wore off, she realised she wasn't in the woods any more but back on the plane.
"I'm sorry, it's just we're starting to land." Mercedes looked guilty as she informed her. Santana tried to shake the painful disappointment. She'd been happier five minutes ago.
"It's fine, I didn't even realise I'd fallen asleep. Did I miss much?" Mercedes shook her head.
"Just some crying babies, one bad film and a couple that definitely joined the mile high club." Santana forced herself to chuckle but it was obviously false. "Did you sleep alright?"
The question brought flashes of the dream back to her, images of Brittany. She wished she could just close her eyes and go back there.
"I did, some dreams but nothing terrible." She wasn't prepared to go into detail. "Did you manage to sleep?"
"A little." The plane bumped as it hit the tarmac. Both girls tightened their grip on each others hands as a voice over the speaker welcomed them back to Lima.
...
Because the girls only had cabin bags, they didn't have to hang around the barrage carousel before they could make it through the arrivals. Santana paused before she went through the big security doors that would take them to a waiting Quinn.
"Merc I need a moment." Mercedes stopped and Santana could feel eyes roaming her face to see what was wrong. "I'm fine, I just need a moment before we go through those doors." She slumped against the wall. As they'd gotten closer, it had gotten harder to breathe and she just needed a second to get herself together. Facing Quinn and everything Lima was about to throw at them was a bit more than she could handle right now.
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.
The sick feeling in her stomach subsided enough for her to stand up straight.
"Ready?" Santana nodded weakly in reply. This was the best she was ever going to feel about it. The doors opened and they slowly came through, Mercedes knowing better now than to rush her. In front of them, they could make out Quinn and Tina. Santana's face scrunched in confusion.
"Tina's here?" She'd only expected Quinn.
"I asked her to pick me up, I figured you and Quinn would like to be alone together for a bit." Santana didn't know how to respond to the gesture. Was she happy to have time with Quinn or did that make her more scared to keep walking? She didn't have much time to figure it out because arms were suddenly wrapped around her. Tina held her closely. Santana only half returned the hug, a little taken back by the ferocity. The Asian girl moved off and went to hug Mercedes. It was just Quinn and Santana facing each other now. Quinn looked in the same shape as Santana.
"Not here." Quinn's tone wasn't cold, it was more a plead and they both came to a mutual understanding. Both girls were wary of the impact that hugging each other might have and Santana was so grateful that Quinn understood too. They'd always been on the same wave length most of the time. At least that hadn't changed. Tina interrupted their non-hug.
"Guys, I'm going to take Mercedes back to the hotel so we'll see you later?" Quinn nodded. "Okay, well erm- it's good to see you Santana I guess, I'm just really sorry that-" Tina was being pulled away by Mercedes before she got to finish her sentence. Quinn watched before turning to Santana. She observed her friend closely and could tell she was barely keeping it together.
"Do you need to eat?" Santana shook her head. "Okay, would you like to go freshen up?" Again, Santana shook her head. In a shaky voice, she spoke before Quinn could make another suggestion.
"I think I should go and see Susan."
...
The car journey from the airport was as quiet as the flight out had been. Santana's attention was preoccupied with looking out of the window as parts of Lima flashed by along with the memories attached to them. She couldn't believe she was back here. An unease was gnawing away at her.
"Quinn will you come in with me, when we get there?" The reality of visiting Susan was becoming more and more daunting with every mile that passed. She didn't know if she'd be able to do it by herself. The Latina was usually a closed book that never revealed a vulnerability so Quinn knew this was important to her.
"Of course, we're in this together okay?" Santana offered a grateful smile, albeit a small one. Quinn returned the smile and then turned to focus back on the road.
"Nothing's changed here has it?" It was startling how Lima still resembled the town she left a decade ago. Where she lived now was always developing and expanding. Shop fronts changed on a daily basis as did the people. Everything here was as she'd left it. Well almost.
"You know Lima, people are far too stuck in their ways-" Quinn's attention was quickly pulled from the conversation and to the road ahead of her. They were approaching McKinley. The car slowed as they passed the school. "Word got out fast" she muttered, more to herself. Outside the gates were small groups of people laying flowers underneath an old photo of Brittany. Santana soon saw it too and a panic started to rise from her gut. She didn't want to see this.
"Please don't stop Q, I can't- not just yet." Quinn felt a lump in her throat as she drove past and she agreed with Santana. Neither of them were ready to face that in front of all those strangers. She took one last glance at the flowers before putting her foot back down on the accelerator.
Santana had curled herself up into herself in the seat for the rest of the drive, the scenes at McKinley affecting her more than she'd first thought. This was becoming all too real and it was becoming harder to fight the instinct to shut down. The last 12 hours had beaten her and it was too easy to to just block it all out like she had at the start of the day.
Quinn parked the car, they'd arrived at the Pierce house. The journey seemed to be a lot quicker than she'd expected. Santana took the building in; the amount of dinners she'd eaten there, the number of times she'd climbed through the back bedroom window late at night. Even Quinn was wrapped up in the memories that were held up in the Pierce home. They stayed in the car for ten minutes as the both internally reflected on what this house had meant to them in their youth. When Quinn had gotten pregnant or when Santana had come out, this was their sanctuary.
The front door opened and a pale face peeked out from the darkness behind it. A shaken looking Susan Pierce filled the door frame. Quinn was the first to get out of the car and make a bee-line for the woman. They held each other, Quinn finally letting her emotions show. Santana stepped out with a hesitance, she cautiously approached the house as she watched the two women in front of her unite in their grief. Susan looked up from Quinn's embrace and flung herself at the brunette. Quinn lowered her head as the tears cascaded down her cheeks. Santana stood in shock for a moment as she felt the older woman break down in her arms, that was when she couldn't keep her own feelings any more. The three women stood on the drive way holding each other, their broken hearts at least beating together.
...
"She was always such a happy little thing, I always said she was the piece of sunshine that lit up this world." Susan was sharing some early photo albums with the girls. She gently ran her finger across each picture as if she was desperately trying to remember how her daughter felt. "Then she met you two and you both lit up her world." The photo album then showed pictures of all of them, probably around six years old all playing together.
Quinn laughed under breath at some of them, the poses they put together were nothing short of ridiculous. Santana wasn't really paying attention and Susan could tell. She put a hand on her knee and gave it an affectionate squeeze.
"She loved you the most you know. I don't mean that against you Quinn." Quinn held up her hand to show she wasn't offended, she knew what Susan had meant. "I can't tell you how excited and happy she'd come back from school after spending the day with you both." Santana felt the warmth of her tears streak across her cheek. "And when that friendship became something more, I have never seen her happier or prouder. You took that big heart of hers and you filled it so completely." That was enough to send Santana over the edge. Susan held her before she turned her attention to Quinn. "And you, never could I have asked for a more loyal friend for my daughter. The teasing, her coming out- you protected her from the cruelty of the world and she never forgot that. She always called you her superhero." It was Quinn's turn now, her body gave way to the weight of Susan's words. Susan held both girls. "Thank you for coming back."
More photo albums opened and stories were shared. There was laughter, tears, smile and sadness all entwined in love. Susan put the last album down once she felt they'd all had enough that day. It was getting late.
"It's time." That's all she said as she got up and offered no further explanation. Quinn nodded in agreement and also got up. Santana just sat puzzled. Time for what? Quinn turned to her friend as if sensing her questions.
"Come on, we have somewhere to be."
...
Santana recognised the route almost immediately. She felt her stomach drop when she realised they were driving back out towards McKinley. She didn't really want to spend a night reading through the flowers. Susan pulled up and let out a deep breath and Quinn choked on a sob. Santana peered out of the window, curious at their reaction and felt the wind get knocked out of her. The pathway leading from the road right up to the entrance was lined with people holding candles. There must have been 200 of them standing shoulder to shoulder. Her legs threatened to give way as she jumped out from the back seat. No one said a word. The three woman linked arms, Susan in the middle, and they made their way towards the school. She tried not to look anyone in the eye as she passed them but she could see the nods of acknowledgement and sympathetic smiles in her peripheral. She leaned closer into Quinn.
"What's going on?" She didn't get a reply. Burt Hummel met them at the main door.
"Susan, ladies- I am so sorry for your loss." They thanked him and he pulled them each into a hug before opening the doors for them to enter. Quinn began to cry once they stepped inside. Similarly to outside, the hallways were lined with candles. Both women held on to Susan a little firmer as they felt the woman drop slightly at the sight. The flowers they'd seen earlier outside decorated each locker, each locker apart from one. Brittany's old locker. That locker was the only one that was open. Inside it, someone had created a shrine consisting of old yearbook pictures. They stopped to look in, Susan really appreciated having the two girls at this point to keep her going. A book had been left and people had signed their condolences, there were some truly beautiful messages. They took a moment to read through them, all so heart felt and it was clear Brittany was well loved. If filled all three women's hearts with pride. Burt came up behind them again to gently move them forward.
"If you'd like to come this way." They continued to follow the candlelit corridors through the school until it led them to the familiar door of the choir room. Quinn and Santana stalled for a moment before a reassuring back rub from Susan encouraged them forward. Once in the room, Burt guided them to their seats, seats that Santana and Quinn had once sat in so many years ago. This was all so surreal. Quinn and Susan were both incredibly emotional, Santana was still unsure of what was going on. The lights of the room dimmed and the silhouette of another person entered the room.
A projection light hit the wall and soon filled it with a film. Footage started to play from all the competitions they'd cheered at before moving onto the competitions they'd sang at with Glee Club. It showed Brittany singing and dancing on stage and just how much she'd owned own that stage. Natural mover. It then cut to footage from in the choir room with everyone goofing around. There was footage of the performance the three girls had done for their first audition into Glee Club. All the different clips showed Brittany at her happiest. Santana laughed as she saw Brittany being carried by Mike and Puck, she remembered that day. It then went into personal video's that had obviously been contributed to by a number of people: House parties, road trips, pranks- all the moments Brittany had shared with people outside of the classroom. The video cut to a home video that Santana instantly recognised. It was a day her parents had filmed when they'd been 8. It showed her and Brittany on a swing set holding hands. The camera zoomed in on Brittany's face and her grin and that's when the video came to an end.
The lights went up slightly to reveal Mr Schue.
"There are no words for the pain you must be feeling and I am so sorry for your loss. We feel it too. Brittany was part of our family and now there is a void we can never fill. By being herself, she brought so much joy into our lives so we decided it was only right to celebrate that."
Susan was wiping away at her face, Quinn kept hers hidden behind her hands.
"If you could please come with me." Santana looked to make sure Susan was alright to go anywhere. The older woman offered a watery smile and nodded. The Latina held her hand out to both Susan and Quinn and helped them stand. Following Mr Schue, he lead them back into the hallway. Quinn put her mouth to Santana's ear.
"Are you okay? That was pretty intense." Santana wasn't capable of speech so she moved her head to show that she was. Quinn knew the signal and squeezed her hand. In truth, she felt like she'd wandered back into a dream. Mr Schue brought them to the auditorium entrance.
"If you'd like to go inside." Santana pulled the door open and for the second time again that night, felt the strength be knocked out her. All the people that had been outside now took up the seats of the auditorium. The house lights were down and the stage was in darkness. The candles from the people flickered and made the room glow in a way Santana had never seen before. They all stood for the three woman until they made their way to the front. Occasionally, Susan would stop to talk to someone she knew to receive a hug and some small words of comfort. As the women sat, Mr Schue disappeared. Santana and Quinn tightened their hold on each other as the stage lights started to come on slowly. One by one, members of Glee Club filled the stage. Finn, Puck, Mike, Tina, Artie, Sam, Mercedes, Rachel, Kurt, Blaine- they were all there. Santana couldn't help the gasp that escaped from seeing them all together. Quinn was covering her mouth with the back of her hand. Brad the piano guy hit the first notes on his piano and Rachel's voice cut straight through the silence.
You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side
You know I'll take your hand
Finn began to sing too. Santana could feel her lip tremble and her eyes fill as she listened to the lyrics she knew only too well.
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No, I won't give in
The other glee club members all joined in together for the chorus. Some of newer members from Brittany's senior year filed in on stage behind them. Eventually the whole auditorium was standing, candles in hand and joining in. It was incredible. Susan took the hands of Quinn and Santana and started to sing too. Knowing they weren't alone in this gave them the strength to sing too and they sang loud.
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through.
When the song came to an end, you could hear the sniffs that rippled through the hall. The performance was proceeded with Sue Sylvester stepping onto the stage, visibly upset. She cleared her throat before speaking.
"God she's not going to sing is she?" Quinn brought out a genuine laugh in Santana.
"I don't think the world is really ready for Vogue 2.0"
"I have never had a team like I had with Brittany Pierce, Quinn Fabray and Santana Lopez." The mention of their names caused their laughter to quickly die down and they stopped to listen. "Never have I met a trio so fierce and so committed to each other." The compliment was incredibly disarming. "Brittany was the best of them though. The sweet innocence was as awe-inspiring as it was nauseating. She never saw the bad, only ever the good in you and it made you want to be better. Even when my own or her friends actions were devious and hurtful, her loyalty was firm and trusting. She nearly let me fire her out of a cannon after all. She will be dearly missed by us all here." She stopped to swipe away a tear. Quinn and Santana were speechless, they'd never seen their Coach this upset- only at her sisters funeral. They couldn't help but be moved by her words.
"Susan has kindly donated Brittany's old cheerleading uniform." She nodded towards Susan who reciprocated with a smile and a nod back. She made a motion with her hand and Finn and Puck carefully carried the now framed uniform to the front of the stage. Both boys shoulders were shaking with emotion as they held it up for everyone to see. "This uniform will now hang in the auditorium for as long as it stands in her memory. It will stay here as a reminder of all the times we cherish." Sue looked out into the crowd. "To Brittany."
The auditorium echoed those last words and the Glee club began singing again.
I got you in the palm of my hand
Wanna put something hot in you
So hot that you can't stand
And you can't stand
Gonna take you to my lips
Empty out every last drop
So thirsty for what's in you baby
That I can't stop
That I Can't stop
Quinn pulled a reluctant Santana up from her chair and towards the stage as Brittany's song filled the space. Even though she was still crying, she grinned as she helped the brunette onto the stage. They joined the others and started to sing and dance along with them. The line of members became more of a huddle with their arms wrapped around each others waist. Santana looked out and saw Susan smiling as she sang in her chair. This is exactly what Brittany would have wanted.
In the middle of the night, I'm in bed alone
Don't care if you're glass, paper, styrofoam
When I need some water, baby
Coffee or gin
You're the only thing, I wanna put them in
My cup, My cup
Sayin' "what's up?"
To my cup
My cup
More of a friend than a silly pup
My cup
You know what it is
Sayin' "What's up?"
To my cup
(Ahh)
Sayin' "What's up?"
To my cup
(Ahh)
Sayin' "What's up?"
To my cup
(Ahh)
The auditorium broke into applause and the Glee Club came together into one huge group hug. It felt like old times, Santana almost instinctively reached out for Brittany's pinkie. Her heart stopped as she felt a pinkie lace through hers. It was Quinn.
"I hope you don't mind." Santana shook her head to let her know it was fine. Quinn increased the grip on her little finger. Santana was still blown away from everything that had just happened.
"How did this all happen? We only found out this morning."
"Mrs Pierce spoke to Schue early this morning and he's been working like a madman all day to get it all together. There must have been like 20 people working on it" It was Puck's voice that spoke now. He wrapped them both in a hug lasted a little longer than others. She was so glad to see him. "Did you like it?"
"It was perfect." The girls both replied at the same time.
Mr Schue started to address the auditorium again. "Susan is a little overcome to speak right now." It was true, she was currently being comforted by Burt and a few of the older attendees. "But she would like to thank you all for all helping to honour Brittany tonight. If you want to head to the football field, there is a bonfire just starting."
Santana came up behind him once he finished speaking. She suddenly felt pretty shy "Mr Schue?"
"Santana!" He greeted her with the same warmth he always did. "I was hoping I'd get chance to speak to you." His features dropped slightly. "I am so sorry."
"I know, me too. I just wanted to thank you for all of this. It's been a crazy 24 hours and I'm so overwhelmed by it all but this-" her voice broke "this was beautiful."
...
The bonfire had drawn in most of the town; Some Santana knew, some that she didn't. It wasn't rowdy like the other bonfires she'd experienced on this field. While people tried to keep it light, there was still an unmistakable sombre atmosphere as people shared their own memories. She hugged herself to stay warm as the night air became chilly. Everyone was starting to congregate around the huge flames burning in the centre of the field.
"How are you doing?" Santana felt the warmth of Puck by her side. She sighed, not really sure how to answer and leant into him.
"I don't know yet. There are times I forget and then I remember and it feels like I just found out all over again."
"I hear you there" and he nodded knowingly.
"I just don't know how I can feel okay again. I just can't believe she's gone. Where was I?" She watched the flames just ahead of them.
"Hey now, we're all adults. This isn't on you."
"It is though. I should have been there." Brittany would always be the girl in the sandbox.
Every ounce of her energy left her, the day had taken it's toll on her completely now. She hid a yawn behind her fist and Puck put her arm across his shoulder as support. They walked towards Susan, Quinn and the rest of the Glee kids together. Santana didn't know if she could handle another hug but she tried knowing she wasn't the only one hurting right now.
Schue came by and handed out chinese lanterns to each member.
"I thought this might be a nice way to end the night."
They were harder to get going than he'd assumed, Sam was already off chasing his half-lit lantern across the field. Rachel was wafting it around trying to fill it with air, Artie looked like he was scared it was going to lift him and his chair into space, Quinn was regarding it like she wasn't sure what to do with it. Santana felt herself giggle as she watched all her friends battle with the flimsy pieces of material. Pairs of eyes glanced across at her in surprise until they too saw each others efforts to get their lanterns lit. The giggle became infectious, starting with Mercedes and Susan. Quinn followed not long after and soon they were all laughing with one another.
Eventually, the finally got the lanterns ready to launch. Susan gave a nod and one by one- they lanterns lifted into the star filled sky. Santana watched her ascend higher and higher and a part of her wondered if it would reach Brittany.