The Diagnosis part 3
Amelia's POV
I jolt awake on my bed. Beside me, Owen is snoring peacefully. The room is still dark, indicating that it is not dawn yet. There is this feeling in the pit of my stomach. A deep sinking feeling, like there is a hole in my stomach. I lie awake, trying to put into words this feeling I have. As my mind clears, I now remember. Today is the day. The D-day. The day that I would be finding out the results of the bone marrow aspiration. Then a whole new phase of my life would start. I would be given only a few months to live- and I have decided- I want to spend these last few months of my life crossing off items on my bucketlist. I want to do crazy things like go skydiving, bungeejumping, being chased by wild animals in Africa. I want to write and publish a book, I want to buy a house at the seaside so that I can feel the cool breeze of the beach blowing in my face daily. I want to hug my daughter and my husband close. They are a lot of things I want to do before I die.
The bone marrow aspiration which I went through a few days ago was a painful and traumatic experience. They used the largest needle I have ever seen ( even though I have been a doctor for many years), and I yelped in pain when they injected the anesthetic into my hip joint. There wasn't any pain after that, but I could feel the needle moving inside my hip. I would never wish this procedure on my worst enemy. Owen was by my side, holding my hands, trying to be strong for me, but I could see the anguish on his face.
Suddenly the feeling in the pit of my stomach leads to rumbling. And before I realize what is happening, I jerk out of bed and sprint to our bathroom toilet and heave my entire guts contents into the toilet bowl. When I have nothing left to throw up anymore, I sit on the cold bathroom tile floor, and rest my head against the wall. This has been a regular occurence for the past couple of weeks, at any time of the day, but particularly in the morning. If I am already feeling like this right now, how would I be after chemotherapy? I shudder at the thought. My eyes fall on the box of tampons underneath the sink. I realize something, I haven't been using these tampons for the past month. Is skipping a period normal for patients with chronic myeloid leukaemia? I don't know- my haemotology knowledge is rather rusty, I last studied it in medical school. I would have to read up about it. Also, are sore breasts and feeling bloated also symptoms of chronic myeloid leukaemia? I would have to find out about that as well.
I slowly stand up and flush the contents of the toilet and clean up after myself. I don't want Owen to walk into the bathroom to see this mess.
A couple of hours later, I am sitting at the nurse's station, sipping on a cup of coffee. I am starting to feel queasy again, so I put down the cup and take a few deep breaths.
Arizona comes to sit next to me, also holding a cup of coffee. The strong aroma is making me want to puke again damnit!
She sighs heavily, plopping beside me, unaware of my silent battle against the urge to throw up. She is obviously postcall, with her hair let down messily, and eyebags under her eyes.
' I had the worst call ever' she volunteers without me needing to ask her. ' I lost 5 patients throughout my call - 5! That is a record. 3 children and 2 mothers.' She put down her cup of coffee and placed her head in her hands.
I swallow thickly, contempleting whether to tough it out or make a bolt to the nearest washroom.
' And I just came back from informing a supposedly antenatal patient that she actually isn't pregnant. Her HCG levels were high, but when I did the dating scan just now, I couldn't find anything. Nothing. I don't know whether it is a missed miscarriage. But if it was, she would've experienced some bleeding and cramping right? But this, no. She didn't experience anything at all. Weird.' she sighs again.
I can't hold it back any longer.
' Amelia!' I heard her cry out after me as I make a bolt to the nearest washroom and reach the toilet bowl just in time to heave my breakfast and coffee out.
' Dr Sheperd!' an intern calls happily as she sees me come out of the women's restroom. She was holding a brown sealed envelope. Oh no. The lab staff asked me to hand this to you. They said I have to hand it to you personally as it is confidential.
I groan. It is time to face my death sentence.
I find a nearest on call room and seeing no one inside, I lock the door. And page Owen. I think he would want to see the results together with me.
Within a few minutes- there was a knock on the door.
I open it and let Owen in. He had a solemn look on his face. We both exchange glances, unspoken words between us. He grabs my hand in his and rubs it gently. ' Amelia, I'll be here for you no matter what ok? Remember our wedding vows? For better and for worse, till death do us apart'. I nod silently. I am taking his word for it, I am so lucky to be married to this man.
My hands shaking, I tear the envelope apart- Owen's hands resting on my shoulders.
I say a quick prayer to the power above, and scan the results.
And gasp in surprise.
So ..what would the results be? Speculate away ;)