~Yes, I'm still writing this, but it's tough going at the moment. I barely have energy for two stories right now instead of my five. :/

Song inspiration is chapter title, Rascal Flatts "What Hurts the Most" Such a great song for Jacob and Bella no matter what.

Ch 3: What Hurts the Most

She was overcome by exhaustion and emotion, and dreading going back inside. Maybe her father was ready to leave. She heard a twig break nearby. Bella froze for a second. Victoria? That would be a fantastic end to the awful day, but what if? A glimmer of hope surrounded her. Jacob.

Bella jumped up and braved the noise maker. Her curiosity got the best of her. She'd give anything for it to be Jacob.

"Hello, is anybody there?"

No answer at first. Maybe she wasn't that brave after all, since she was shaking like a leaf.

Finally, he stepped out of the shadows. A young Quileute boy, looking way older than he was, tentatively approached.

Seth.

"Hi Bella. I'm Seth. Mom told me to find you. Your dad wanted you to eat."

"No thanks, I'm not hungry."

He looked leery, like he wasn't sure if he should leave or talk to her.

"Wait, Seth. Thanks. How'd you know where I was?"

He pointed to his nose. "Still getting used to that."

"Oh yeah. I bet."

"Well, since you went to all the trouble, I guess I might walk back."

Bella could tell Seth was a nice kid. He had pleasant way about him. He kinda reminded her of someone else.

They had almost made it back when Quil, Embry and Sam blocked the path.

"What are you trying to pull, Bella?"

"Nothing Embry. I was just seeing her back. Charlie's looking for her." Seth actually came to her defense. She smiled at him and it felt strange, since it had been so long.

"Seth, go on patrol. I told you to stay out of this."

He was quick to obey. Sam started in. She'd heard it all before. There was no reason for her to come back to La Push. Blah, blah, blah.

"Guess what? I'm not in your pack. I don't have to take orders from you. Billy says I'm still welcome. Sue and Harry are my dad's friends, I can come here anytime I want. Believe me, I will because I'm not done searching."

Sam held his hand up, "Stop, not again. My pack is already torn to bits. They don't need to hear your delusions. I heard Charlie is recommending psychiatric care. I concur. Hopefully, they'll keep you for an extended stay. Honestly, Bella I don't hate you and I know you didn't mean for this to happen but none of our lives have been right since you came to town."

She knew what he was implicating. She was a source of bad luck and brought danger and death upon the region. Maybe she should run far away, but she couldn't leave. She promised Jake in her dreams, she wasn't abandoning him. Bella would figure out a way not to cross paths with the pack. She made it as far as the porch at Sue's, but she could hear all the activity inside. So many people still remained, it might go on for hours. She knew about a trail in the other direction. Jacob had shown it to her on one of their hikes.

Darkness surrounded her. Even though she was in an unfamiliar surrounding, Bella remembered right away where she was. She squeezed the softness beneath her head and breathed deeply. It was the only comfort she'd felt in two weeks. Nothing Charlie said or the service she recently attended did one thing to make her feel better about losing Jacob. Being in his room was so surreal. She wished there was a way to stay forever.

A gentle tapping made her aware that she was an intruder and there was no way she could stay. She basically broke in. His window wasn't locked but the front door was.

"Bella, can I come in?"

She sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes. "Yes, Billy." He wheeled himself in, the light from the hall illuminated the bedroom. She started to apologize, but he held up his hand.

"None of that. You're welcome in my home anytime, day or night. We were all just a little worried until young Seth noticed your scent on the trail over. Charlie said you could stay the night if you want. He didn't want to disturb you since he said you're rarely sleeping. However, I was concerned that someone said you never ate. I have tons of food in my fridge now. Sue packed up all the leftovers. Please, a have a plate. I can't have you getting sick, child. My heart can't take anymore sadness."

Billy was guilting her big time and it worked. The thought of eating still sounded less than desirable, but she swore her stomach was consuming itself by then, that she didn't even feel hunger pangs.

"Okay, I'll eat something and I'd like to stay if it doesn't bother you."

He insisted he was happy she was there, that Rachel had gone off with Paul. He didn't seem happy at all with that new relationship. She and Billy sat at the table. She did her best to eat and make him feel better. He offered bits of wisdom now and then. He told her no two people grieve the same and he understood. "Don't let anyone else convince you that any of this was your fault. Also, I know you're a little peeved at me for giving up. I didn't want to. I still don't see how it's possible my son is not in this world with me any longer, but all efforts were exhausted. It just hurt too much to keep hoping only to be disappointed over and over. I won't judge you if you extend me the same courtesy."

Bella jumped up and hugged him. She cried and so did he. Billy had no choice but to try and accept what happened and move on. She would continue her search in private and hope that one day she could bring the light back to his eyes. It felt nice to know, she had a place to come to that was neutral ground. Not only did she feel close to Jacob, but she felt accepted.

School.

She had been a zombie at school most of Senior year. Her grades suffered after Edward's abandonment. She had brought them all back up, now they meant nothing to her. Charlie drove her the first day, but by the end of the week she was trusted with her truck again.

She found excuses to leave class in the beginning that were legit, but eventually Bella said, "fuck it." She didn't want to be there. By Thursday, she was only present for morning attendance and then she was outta there. She drove to the reservation to continue her search for clues.

Bella crossed out some places she'd previously covered on a makeshift map she had created. It was primitive and sloppy but got the job done. She was getting better and better with her sense of direction and lay of the land.

She decided to leave him a clue just in case he was wandering, confused and lost. He'd still know her scent. She found a hollowed portion in a large fir tree. At first, she was going to only leave the toy motorcycle, but she needed to leave him a stronger clue. Bella pulled off her flannel and wrapped it up like a nest. She place it within the tree and sat the toy in the middle. It was a sign only the two of them would recognize. It was deep within the tree so she didn't worry about the elements getting to it. Bella walked down to a nearby stream which opened up into a wide mouth pond. She reached down and touched the chilled water. She remembered. They'd been to various streams and creeks that branched off the river, but it was that spot where he taught her to skip a rock. Once, she got it to bounce three times. His skill overshadowed her insignificant three. Bella got so frustrated, she couldn't keep count of his skips half the time. She accused his luck with skipping rocks having something to do with the wolf, but he denied it. "I've been doing it long before the wolf, Bells. It's all in the wrist, it's not about brute strength."

Bella crouched down and found a smooth stone. She tossed it across the water to witness it sink with a resounding thud. She didn't get one bounce off it. "I need you Jake. I forgot how." Bella gave up after a disappointing afternoon. School was already out and she wanted to keep up appearances that she actually attended. However, being so close to the Black's had been a huge temptation. She swore she needed a hit off his sheets again. That was her new gig and perhaps the only place she ever got some actual sleep.

Bella only meant to lay there thirty minutes or so but she fell asleep. She woke up to raised voices.

"No, Billy. You're wrong. Enough is enough, she can't keep getting away with this shit." Her name followed. "Isabella Marie, get your ass out here."

She left Jacob's bed with great reluctance. Her father was fuming. The damn school had called him. Not only was she grounded and losing her truck again, he told her she couldn't come back to Billy's until they consulted with a psychologist.

Bella was defiant. She was sick of Charlie not attempting to understand her feelings. He told her to get in the cruiser, that one of the boys would eventually bring the truck home, not that she'd be driving it anyways.

She tried to open the back door but it was locked. He and Billy were watching her, "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm just playing the part. I'm under arrest, aren't I?"

She had never never seen her father so angry. He told her to sit in the front seat, buckle up and not say another damn word. He stayed on the porch talking to Billy for a few more minutes. Jacob's father nodded but he looked towards her with great sympathy. Just when she thought her life couldn't get any more miserable, her father was going to prove her wrong.

He took her to school early the next day. He had a meeting with the principal. She was supposed to join them eventually but they needed to talk about her before they talked with her. Bella was sitting in a scratchy chair against the wall. It was normally reserved for the troublemakers and misfits of Forks High. She saw various messages etched in the wall.

Screw you, Greene.

Bella giggled. Not very original, but at least someone had some guts. She realized she wasn't alone. A boy was two chairs down awaiting sentence, same as her. Bella didn't know him, but she knew of him. Doug French. He was the resident pothead and her father hated his entire family with a passion. She'd heard his war on drugs speech several times and it always came back to the name, French.

"That's mine, in case you're wondering," he bragged about his tag.

He told her if she looked under the seats, there was much better material. She didn't. She'd take his word for it.

"So, can't say I've ever seen you in here Miss Swan. What happened? Are you a victim of bullying or something?"

"Nope, I've been skipping class."

"The hell you say." He stood up despite the frowning secretary watching them. He moved to the seat next to her. He took a closer look. "Damn, girl. How old are you? Do you ever sleep? Your bags have an overnight bag under each eye."

"Thanks and no, I don't sleep much these days."

They sat there a few more minutes, not really having anything else to make conversation about. He finally broke the silence, "Do you wanna?"

"What?"

"Sleep."

She shrugged.

He leaned in, she could smell his tobacco laden breath. "I've got something guaranteed to make you sleep like a baby. You'll be a new woman by tomorrow."

He motioned to his pocket. Everything in her screamed, "No!" The old Bella would never consider what Doug French was offering, but she didn't even know where that old self was or if she ever could find her again. Sleep sounded good when nothing else did, so her hand covertly slipped into his jacket pocket. She grabbed the small plastic bag and transferred it into her pocket. He had the biggest smile on his lips.

"Friends?"

"Sure, why not?" Bella replied.

He whispered too close to her ear, "Friends take care of each other, come see me again next time you're tired."

~Thanks for reading.