The sun was born, and so it shall die
So only shadows comfort me
I know in darkness, I will find you...
~VNV Nation
"This is absolutely insane!" Cullen's smooth voice echoed down the darkened corridor. His boots trod heavily on the stone floor, and Starling scurried quickly to keep pace with his long human legs. For some unknown reason, she nearly smiled at his outburst, her mind wandering to the other times Cullen Rutherford voiced his incredulity. She held her tongue out of sympathy. Her steadfast commander was a serious man, and his kind heart did not deserve her ridicule, no matter how innocuous. She could only voice her agreement to appease him. Though, she realized, he was quite right. This is absolutely insane.
"It is," she admitted, her voice low. "Thank you for obliging me," she added, watching the flickering torchlight dance across his face. Though it was late afternoon, the lack of windows bathed the hallways of Skyhold's upper towers in everlasting night. Their shadows trailed eerily on the stone walls behind them, mocking his severity. Cullen frowned, and a humming noise passed through his closed lips.
"We don't even know if Hawke is alive! We know nothing about this magic!" Cullen continued, as he kept his furious pace. The earnestness of his plea touched her, but did not bend her resolve. They reached the end of the corridor. Two sconces clung to the wall, guarding the heavy wooden door. Starling stopped and turned to face him. Cullen used the opportunity to voice another concern. "This man attacked you. What if you agree to help them, and he does it again?" he said.
"I know," she said, and she reached out her hand. He wore a thin red linen top tucked into brown breeches. In the heat, his sleeves had been pulled back, and Starling's delicate fingers grazed the warm skin of his forearm, which was covered in fine blonde hair. She brought her eyes to match his, and, for a moment, the torchlight lit his face, and she swore his eyes were gold. "I need to do this, Cullen," she said, her own voice pleading now.
"Why? It is too much of a risk, Starling," he said, his voice breaking. Starling understood his concern, though this depth of emotion was unusual, especially from him. It confused her, but she answered his question.
"Can you imagine losing someone and forever questioning their fate? To lose a loved one and remain in darkness of their whereabouts for the rest of time?!" she said, her voice sounding louder than she intended. "If Hawke is dead, we will have a body...a confirmation; closure. Her loved ones will not wonder in despair any longer." Cullen's eyes softened, though the lines of worry still marked the soft space between them. Starling felt her own eyes burning, but she continued. "And what if she is alive? She is in hell, and I'm the one who delivered her to the demon's clutches. It is my responsibility to make it right." Cullen took a breath to interrupt her, but she cut him off. "Varric has given his life to our cause, and asked for nothing in return! It is the least I can do for him," she added. Cullen nodded somberly then let out a sigh.
"I do not like this, Inquisitor," he replied, lowering the tone of his voice. "Let it be known in our official record that I object, though know I will support you." He stared at her through his warm golden gaze. The eyes of a lion.
"We will have to wait for Josephine to record the official documents, but your dissent is noted. Your support; much appreciated, as always," Starling said, her voice turning lighthearted. She saw Cullen's scarred lip curl into a small smile. Well, as much of a smile he could muster, given the circumstance. In the darkness of the hallway, Starling saw their commander in a new light. It was as if she was seeing him for the first time. When they met, she thought him reasonably handsome but sullen. His sunken eyes were always rimmed with pink, and there was a sallow tone to his skin, sometimes making him look older than his years. She often thought him feverish, but, as far as she could tell, he never complained, nor took ill. It was later, when he revealed his Lyrium addiction that she understood. Now, it seemed far behind him. Today, she saw a brightness in his countenance. Though perhaps it was the firelight, his formerly pallid skin looked radiant, and the tiny crinkles in the corners of his eyes revealed a soul free from that burden. Perhaps one of her advisers found happiness in peacetime.
"Shall we interrogate our prisoner, Inquisitor?" Cullen asked formally, placing a hand on the iron doorknob that lead out to the ramparts. Starling nodded, and Cullen opened the heavy wooden door, pulling it toward him. The orange sunlight of summer nearly blinded her as she stepped outside.
Due to the hasty attempt on Starling's life, ill planned and impulsive as it appeared, Cullen and Leliana insisted on a security lock-down. All "Strategic Areas" of Skyhold stood off limits to everyone except "authorized personnel." The keep was unusually quiet, and the heightened security would shield their interrogation from prying eyes. It was here Starling bade Leliana to escort their elven prisoner. As Starling's indigo-green eyes adjusted to the brightness of the late afternoon, she saw that Leliana had done exactly as she asked. Their quarry, an imposing silvery-haired elf, stood proudly on the battlements. His hands, free of the manacles the Inquisition had clasped around them, gripped the stone balustrade. He kept his back to the interior of the keep, and did not turn when the door opened. The guards had removed his cloak and armor, and he stood before them in a dark tunic and black pants. Leliana leaned against a stone wall nearby, and four trustworthy Inquisition guards stood ready. These guards were Cullen's, and loyal. They eyed the elf warily, but gave him ample space. Now, Starling could only hope that taking Merrill's advice proved fruitful. The Inquisitor took a few steps toward Fenris, her thin shoes making no noise on the stone floor.
"Hawke always said she would take me to Ferelden one day," the tall elf said. His unmoving green gaze graced the eastern horizon. "I never thought it would be to track her killer," he added. His voice was rough, though he spoke with the cadence of one who learned among royalty. Starling assumed he spent his childhood in the Tevinter Imperium, yet his mastery of the Common Tongue was evident even with only a few lines spoken. Starling did not stop her silent strides until she stood next to him. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Cullen step forward, obviously concerned for her safety within the proximity of her would-be assassin. This time, Starling was not afraid.
"And how did you find it?" Starling asked, feeling him out. He did not turn to look at her.
"It is... Wet. Though not entirely displeasing," he said after a moment. "Its people were surprisingly kind, though they have lost much to the mages and templars. They were not wary of two elven travelers, which was... unexpected." He turned his head to the side, and Starling found herself face to face with him. "Though, I suspect that is your doing." Starling gave a nod.
"Sometimes all it takes for humans to accept elves is to stop their wars and save them from the end of the world," she said, wryly. She was unsure how the humor would pass, but she had the power here, and nothing to lose. Then again, neither does he. A very minuscule smirk graced his lips as he traced his hands on the stone in front of them.
"And so you saved them," Fenris said after a moment, his gaze returning to the place where the mountains embraced the sky. "When I heard the news about Corypheus, I asked myself if it was worth it. Was losing the greatest woman in all of the world worth... this?" His hand released the balustrade and gestured to the scenery around him. She saw the bones in his jaw tighten as his face turned severe. "I have to say, no," he said with finality.
"Do you know how many wives whose deaths for which I am responsible? How many husbands?" Starling replied, her tone firm but free of malice. With these words, he turned his head toward her again, meeting her gaze with eyes haunted with anger, though the dark circles underneath revealed exhaustion and defeat. Up close, he really is quite large, Starling thought. Now that she was able to study his face, she saw his fury had been replaced by pain and anguish. This is a man who wears his emotions on the outside; for all to see. It was as clear as the eye of a storm. He looked to the horizon again, his hands once more gripping the stone railing. He sighed, and his shoulders relaxed, slumping forward slightly. The elf, Fenris, once described to her as a majestic wolf; a fierce hunter of slavers; with a will of iron and a temper of fire, showed none of the tenacity from the tales.
"None of them were mine," he said grimly, his voice lowering as he moved his gaze down to his hands. Starling waited to see if he would continue, but he remained still.
"I have spoken with your friend," Starling said, tilting her head to the side as she stared at him, observing his face to see any reaction. "She tells me you came all this way for a reason, and that reason was not revenge." She saw Leliana shift her weight out of the corner of her eye. Fenris shook his head, and a puff of air escaped his pointed nose.
"A fool's errand," he spat, "Magic," he continued, and his face contorted as if the stench of Skyhold was that of a putrid bog. "It is true. My... companion, Merrill, convinced me that we could try and rescue her. I suppose you already know that. I will admit the notion roused me to action, but when I entered your halls, I-" He paused for a moment and Starling heard a bird call a greeting from the sky above. The tall elf's throat undulated as he swallowed the lump that must have formed there. "You sat there on your throne; queen of all you surveyed. The Inquisitor; the woman who stole the very heart from my chest and left her to be tortured and die in hell." He spoke through gritted teeth, and then winced, and the last embers of anger in his jade eyes went out. Starling could not help but sympathize.
"Your wife was very brave," Starling admitted, trying to keep her voice emotionless. "It is out of respect for her, and my dear friendship with Varric, that you are not hanging in a gallows somewhere." It wasn't exactly true, but it sounded like the right thing to say. Starling had never condemned someone to death, no matter their crimes. She certainly wasn't going to start with this sad sod. A rare summer breeze passed over them then, rustling her hair and bringing a cool sigh of relief. The same bird called his greeting from above. Other than that, Skyhold was eerily silent.
"I—I should not have come after you like that," he admitted slowly. "I apologize. Now that it is done, I will accept whatever judgment your Inquisition metes." Starling felt her brows knit in confusion. Is that all? He was not going to beg for her help, or so it appeared. He had indeed given up, or perhaps he was testing her to see if the stories of her kindness rang true. She could admit as much. Her ears perked as she heard the sound of a heavy boot impatiently rapping at the stone floor. Cullen has had enough, she thought, and, as if reading her mind, the commander took a few steps toward them. Fenris turned his body in preparation to face the man. Leliana remained silent.
"So, you confess that you tried to take the life of The Inquisitor," he said, his voice filled with the authority of an army general.
"I did," Fenris admitted, keeping his gaze coolly locked with the commander's.
"Was anyone aware of your plan?" Cullen continued.
"I acted on my own," Fenris said slowly, his brow furrowing as he realized where these questions were headed.
"You received no aid from anyone?" Cullen pressed again.
"As I just confessed, I did not," Fenris stated firmly. Starling stayed silent. She had not given Cullen any instructions as to whether or not he could join her. She assumed he would stand within arms reach, hand moving back and forth from his sword to his belt; his scarred lip curling in anticipation of any movement. Though in hindsight, she should have known he would be unable to keep his mouth shut. If this is what he needed, she would allow it.
"You did not come here alone, elf," Cullen went on. "Did your traveling companion know of your intentions, and did she aid you in any way?" Fenris scoffed, revealing white teeth that were nearly pointed.
"Merrill! You have got to be joking!" The snowy-haired elf gave a laugh that sounded more like an angry shout, and a nearly wolfish grin spread across his face. "Mages are not to be trusted, that is true. And Merrill is a dangerous mage, though her incessant babbling is more likely to kill you than anything else." He paused, and then looked between the two of them. "You know why she came here." Fenris added. Cullen gave a quick nod, and looked to Starling. Is he done yet? Starling wondered. The silence was her answer.
"Do you think she can save Hawke?" Starling asked bluntly, her voice low. Fenris scoffed again.
"I honestly do not know," he admitted. "Though there is no point in entertaining that idea now." Poor defeated dog, Starling thought, pitying him.
"I have heard enough. Take him back to his cell," Starling announced, and the guards immediately complied. "I don't imagine we will be needing those manacles, will we, Fenris?" she added, giving the man one last look in his jade eyes. She saw a tiny twitch in the eyelids and his jaw tightened, but he shook his head. A small test of trust. The main gaoler nodded, and Fenris was lead silently off the battlements. Starling let out a huge sigh.
"Well, what do you two think?" Starling said, rubbing her forehead and allowing her shoulders to relax. She felt an odd pressure in the place between her shoulder blades. Cullen kept his mouth shut politely to let the spymaster go first.
"He is telling the truth, from what I could see," Leliana stated, and Starling saw a dim trace of sadness in her crystal blue eyes. "He is a man with nothing left in the world. Aside from anger and despair, I believe the only other emotion he feels is regret." Starling sighed again, her hand returning to her forehead.
"That he did not kill me?" she asked.
"That he still lives," Leliana admitted.
I'm sorry for the delay! Fenris is really hard for me to write, so I went back and forth on this a lot. It's a little short, but I thought that was a good chapter end. I'm pretty busy, so I can't guarantee when a new chapter will come out. Give a follow if interested!
Lilybud – Thank you so much for all your reviews on my stories. They have inspired me to keep going. I tried to send you a message directly, but your profile didn't allow it. Anyway, I hope you like this one.
Tinejensen – Thank you! The story was originally going to be three stories: Starling searching for Hawke, Starling searching for her missing sister (mentioned in my previous story, Look to the Sky), and then finally the search for Solas. I am unsure if I will include the sister part (It may involve Tevinter!) So we'll see how it works structurally! Thank you for reading and the review!