Hello everyone, thank you for the feedback (on Indiaforums) and once again, sorry about Arju. I cried while writing this chapter.
2. Picking Up the Pieces
"Zargul," Wali came into the kitchen. "Farah bibi ne kuch khaya hai?"
"Nahi, saab," Zargul replied. "Maine unse poocha tha, lekhin woh koi jawaab hi nahi deti. Khan, woh toh hum mein se kissi ki baat nahi sunti nahi jawab deti hai."
Wali sighed. He knew Farah was still in shock but he had no idea what he could do for her. He knew his mother would never allow him to help her, but technically right now she was in nikah. No one could via any law or religion ever stop him. He had never before asserted his right as Farah's husband but right now, in order to save her from this path of self-destruction she had stumbled upon.
"Zargul, tum dood garam karke Farah bibi ke kamre mein lao, mein wahin ja raha hoon," Wali said softly, before heading over to Farah's room. He knocked on the door, waiting a few seconds before opening the door. Farah was sitting on the ground, leaning her back against the bed but what made Wali's eyes widen was the fact that she was using a knife to make cuts into her arm. Forgetting everything else, he hurried over, snatching the knife from her hand.
"Farah yeh kya kar rahi ho?" Wali grabbed some tissues to soak the blood as she had drawn quite into her arm with the knife. "Gulkhan! Behram! Doctor ko bulao!"
With some help from Zarmine and the doctor, they managed to get Farah back into the bed with her wounds she had made bandaged. Zarmine and Arjumand were both in shock that Farah would try and harm herself and Wali had to admit it had stunned him as well. It was as if Farah had lost the will and care to want to keep herself from harm.
"Iss halaat mein aap mujhe keh rahi hain Ammi ke mein Farah ko chor doon?" Wali said, eyes watering as he looked at Farah laying there, arm wrapped in bandages.
No one seemed to even know what to say. Arjumand looked like she wanted to say something, but simply glanced once at Farah before leaving the room. Zarmine took a chance, going and sitting besides Farah.
"Farah?" Zarmine said gently causing Farah to look at her for the first time since she had come. "Mein jaanti hoon, tum baut takleef mein ho, lekhin please apne saath ye mat karo. Bare Baba ka saucho, unko kitna dukh ho ga tumhe iss haalat mein dekh ke."
"Z-Zarmine?"
Wali's eyes shone with a little hope as Farah spoke. Her voice was scratchy but at least she had spoken. Hearing her so silent felt as if there was no hope to get his…no their Farah back.
"Mein ab tak zinda kyun hoon?" Farah said, voice sounding distant. She shakily reached out, grasping Zarmine's hand. "Please, Zarmine, please mujhe maar daalo. Please."
Wali and Zarmine both flinched at that and Zarmine found herself at a loss of words, looking over at her brother for help. She didn't know what she could say to Farah. How do you tell someone who was raped that everything was going to be okay? She didn't know and was glad when Wali spoke up.
"Farah," Wali said gently. "Aisi baatein mat karo, please. Tum ab haveli mein ho aur bilkul mehfooz ho. Koi yahan tumhe tumhari ijaazat ke beghair haat bhi nahi laga sakta. Please tum hosla karo."
Farah didn't understand why they were being so kind to her. Maybe they didn't understand, maybe they didn't know what had really happened. Mooez had murdered her, he had ripped her body to pieces and left her dead body on the ground. He hadn't even made the effort to bury her after he had murdered her. Her mother had never come to read fatiha for her, no, her mother had helped assist Moeez in murdering her. That's why she had left her.
First, Baba had left her all alone, then slowly everyone else left her as well. No one truly loved her, they had only always emotionally blackmailed her. The only person in the world who had ever really loved her was gone, leaving her alone. Maybe her time of death was already written.
"Wali?" Farah said, staring into space. "Tum mujhe kyun tasaliyan de rahe ho? Tasaliyan dene ke bijaye mujhpe fatiha nahi paro ge kya?"
Zarmine burst into tears hearing Farah talk like that and Wali looked like he also was trying to hold back tears as he pulled Zarmine into an embrace. Zarmine curled closer to her big brother, crying against his chest.
Wali tried to smile instead. "Farah, kya tum Bare Baba ki kabar pe jana chahti ho? Shahid tumhe wahan ja ke sukoon mile."
Baba…she could see the one person who truly loved her if she went with Wali. Maybe she could lay besides him and the ground would swallow her hole. She decided there was a longing inside her to be near her father. Longing? Well, that meant she could still feel something. That was confusing. Moeez had killed her so why did she feel the longing to be near her father? No, it was probably because she wanted her body to be buried next to her father and Chachu, yeah that was it.
"Kya tum mujhe Baba ke paas le jao ge?" Farah said, voice sounding a little bit stronger than before.
Wali smiled a little wider, although a lone tear fell down his cheek. "Haan haan kyun nahi? Main, tum aur Zarmine teenoon chalte hain Bare Baba ki kabar pe."
"Ok," Farah said quietly. The graveyard wasn't too far away and they got there in no time. Farah took some flowers, placing them on Baba's grave.
"Baba, dekhein," Farah said. "Dekhein aaj Moeez ne aapki beti ko maar dala hai…lekhin Baba, Wali aur Zarmine ko lagta hai ke mein abhi bhi zinda hoon. Woh wahaan the nahi na, jab mera kattal hua tha. Woh meri aakhri subba thi Baba. Moeez mere kamre mein ghus aya tha. Maine baut kaushish ki apni jaan bachane ki Baba…aapko aur Wali ko awaaz bhi di, Mama ko bhi awaaz di lekhin koi nahi aya..."
Tears fell down Zarmine's cheeks, hearing Farah's words and Wali didn't stop his tears this time. He pulled Zarmine close to him once more.
"Lekhin Baba aap toh mujhse pyaar karte hain na," Farah said, voice choked. "Ek aap hi toh hain jo mujhse pyaar karte hain. Toh please Baba mujhe apne saath rehnein dein." Her head bowed towards the grave, she wished the ground would just swallow her inside and she could just be near her father. The only person that would never turn his back on her. She felt as if her cheeks were moist and touched a hand to her cheek. It was wet, why? Dead bodies didn't cry after all.
"Nikah ke waqt yeh sauch ke haan kardena beta, ke main Wali Suhaib Khan ko nahi jaanti, lekhin apne Baba ko zaroor jaanti hoon. Aur unke inteqaab mere liye behtareen se kam hoi nahi sakta. Beta, Wali ko maine tumhare liye chunna hai beta."
Farah looked up, seeing Wali and Zarmine there together. Wali Suhaib Khan, he had been her Baba's choice for when she was alive. And Moeez…Moeez had been Mama's choice. Mama never loved her as much as Baba did. Mama had left her alone when she needed her the most. Even Aghajaan had been there for her more than Mama had been there for her.
"Wali?" Farah said quietly and Wali wiped his eyes, looking to her.
"Chalein Farah?" Wali said gently.
"Wali, tum Baba ki choice the mere liye," Farah said, staring out into the distance. "Lekhin tumhari choice toh ek zinda ladki honi chahiye, main jaanti hoon jab Baba ne humhara nikah parwaya tha toh main zinda thi."
"Farah…" Wali hesitantly put both hands on Farah's shoulders and surprisingly, she didn't flinch away. "Please, aisi baatein mat karo, tum abhi bhi meri biwi ho. Meri izzat ho. Iss khandan ka hissa ho. Aghajaan bhi tumse baut pyaar karte hain."
Farah looked into his eyes. There was something in his eyes that was different from what had been in her murderer's eyes. But she couldn't tell right now what it was.
"Kaash Wali, tumne yeh haq pehle istamaal kar liya hota," Farah said softly causing Wali to look away, unable to meet her gaze. "Mama toh kabhi meri thi nahi. Woh toh kabhi Farah ki Ma nahi thi, woh sirf Behroz Khan ki biwi theen." She looked away from Wali, unsure of what to make of his actions. The look in his eyes was scary, it was a look she had only ever seen in Baba's eyes and she wasn't sure what to think of that. It was as if her thoughts had a block on them right now.
"Farah," Zarmine said quietly coming to Farah's other side. "Tum jab se yahan ayi ho tumne kuch khaya nahin hai, please kuch khalo. Tum jaanti ho Farah, jab Baba Jaan ki death hui thi toh maine kuch nahi khati peeti thi. Mera zinda rehne ka bhi dil nahi chahta lekhin pata mujhe us waqt Lala kya kehte the? Ke Baba Jaan aghar mujhe istara dekhte to unki ruhu ko baut dukh paunchta. Farah...bhoolna assaan toh nahi hoga aur waqt lage ga, lekhin aghar tum kuch khao piyo gi nahi toh saucho Bare Baba ki ruhu kitni takleef main hogi."
"L-lekhin Zarmine, mujhe yeh lag hi nahi raha ke main zinda hoon," Farah said quietly. "Aisa mujhe wakehi lag raha hai ke mera kattal ho gaya hai."
"Kabhi kabhi jo humhe lagta hai woh haqeeqat nahi hoti," Wali said softly. "Aghar tumhe aisa lagta bhi hai toh yeh sauch ke apna khayal rakh lo ke isse Bare Baba ki ruhu ko sukoon paunche ga."
Farah shifted a little bit, looking at her hand. Her father, the one who had loved her more than anyone in this world, she wanted to always be his pride and keep him happy. If it made him happy, she'd try to live. Even if she didn't feel alive, she would try her best to remain alive for him.
"Theek hai," Farah agreed. "Main kuch kha leti hoon."
Wali and Zarmine exchanged a smile, looking a bit relieved at that. They took Farah home, setting up some food in the lounge. Farah's hands trembled a little as she tried to eat but Zarmine reached out her hands, placing them over Farah's as Arjumand brought Aghajaan in.
"Farah beta tum?" Aghajaan said, eyes widening in surprise. "Tum kab ayi?"
"Aghajaan, Farah baut bura feel kar rahi thi jo kuch hua, issi guilt mein uski tabiyat kharaab hogayi," Wali said as Zarmine helped Farah eat by literally feeding her because her hands shook too much. "Mere paas iska phone aya tha, toh main isse yahan le aya apne saath."
Arjumand scoffed.
"Farah beti kaisi ho tum? Tumhari tabiyat mujhe theek nahi lag rahi," Aghajaan said gently.
"Asl mein Aghajaan, Farah teekh se kha pi nahi rahi," Zarmine said, making another niwala with the bread and placing it in Farah's mouth.
"Bas, mujhse aur nahi khaya jaye ga, Zarmine," Farah said, feeling nauseous and her head began spinning a little.
"Farah, thora sa aur kha lo," Zarmine said gently. "Bas do niwale aur phir dood pi ke thori dehr so jana."
Farah blinked a little and shrugged. "Ok." A bit more wouldn't hurt. She didn't know what to say to Aghajaan right now, so she kept silent watching as Wali fed his grandfather. Right now, it felt as if she hadn't slept in days or actually eaten anything in days.
"Itna darti kyun ho tum?" Moeez said, pushing Farah on the bed again, climbing on top of her. "Aakhir kaar hum shaadi kar rahe hain. Thora maza toh chakne doh." He began kissing the side of her neck, hands sliding under her shirt.
Farah felt sweat develop as she suddenly moved back, clutching her shawl even more tightly around her than it had been before. "Zarmine, please, main apne kamre mein jaana chahti hoon." She looked around, glancing towards where the door of the haveli was.
"Zarmine, jao Farah ko kamre tak chor aao," Wali said and Zarmine nodded.
"Theek hai Lala," Zarmine agreed gently. "Aao Farah."
Farah allowed Zarmine to help her go to her room and was glad. If Moeez found her here, she didn't want…the thought made her shiver and she grasped Zarmine's hand tighter. As if sensing her fear, Zarmine squeezed Farah's hand.
"Tum yahan bilkul mehfooz ho, Farah, I promise," Zarmine assured and Farah's eyes watered at her words, hoping against hope her cousin was right.