"There's always the same amount of good luck and bad luck in the world. If one person doesn't get the bad luck, somebody else will have to get it in their place. There's always the same amount of good and evil, too. We can't eradicate evil, we can only evict it, force it to move across town. And when evil moves, some good always goes with it. But we can never alter the ratio of good to evil. All we can do is keep things stirred up so neither good nor evil solidifies. That's when things get scary. Life is like a stew, you have to stir it frequently, or all the scum rises to the top."
― Tom Robbins
It had been four weeks, three hours, and twenty-three minutes since I was face to face with my stalker. I've been on lock down ever since, so counting the passing minutes became sort of a hobby. My finger nails were bitten to the flesh and throbbed when I accidentally brushed them off of furniture. I was going stir crazy. When I wasn't at work, surrounded by big guys in leather jackets, I was at the club house, surrounded by big guys in leather jackets. Jax thinks it's necessary. I think it's horse shit.
I haven't seen or heard from Brandon since. Not that I wanted to, or that I blame him. I don't care if he's a DEA agent. Show me a man who says a group of outlaw bikers doesn't intimidate him, and I'll show you a liar.
He was probably half way across the United States by now. Charlie did some digging and found out that Brandon was indefinitely suspended from an agency in San Jose for exhibiting obsessive behavior in cases and misconduct; including the wrongful beating and murder of a homeless man, and filing false police reports. He's currently awaiting trial and had posted bail several months back.
This came as a surprise to me, honestly. The Brandon that I remember was a kind-heart, courteous man. He got into his fair share of scuffles, but he hated to fight and bicker with others. It was below him. Yet for some reason, he was here, for me. His story about being in Charming for work was a sad lie considering he was unemployed until proven innocent. But how did he find me, and why? That question plagued my mind for days on end.
I compulsively ran my fingers through my hair and tapped my foot on the floor while Gemma made the morning pot of coffee. The clubhouse was painstakingly silent from the hours of 6 a.m to about 11 a.m. I haven't slept much lately, so I've become quite familiar with it, though hardly accustomed.
"You look like shit," Gemma said, passing me a mug. "You still thinkin' about that man."
"No." I lied. "Nothing to think about." She placed a hand on her hip and gave me her infamous, that's-a-load-of-bullshit look.
"I just need a change of scenery, ya know. I'm going crazy." I attempted to reassure her.
"Well I'm going to Cara Cara later. Luann's havin' a meltdown. This guy, Georgie Caruso, is threatening and beating her girls so they'll work for him instead. She lost four whores yesterday."
"Yeah I faintly remember Jax telling me something about that, but that was a few weeks ago." I said.
"Jax, Opie, Bobby and Juice paid Georgie a visit. Ruffed him up, broke some shit... Told him to leave Luann and her girls alone. But he's back at it. Some of his guys bloodied this little blonde girl's nose last night." She shook her head.
"Jesus Christ."
"Yeah, it's real fucked up over there right now. I told Luann to get out of the pussy business, but screwing is the only thing she knows shit about."
"That's a bit harsh." I smirked.
"No, that's the truth, sweetheart. She's sucked more dick in her life than you could imagine." Gemma cocked her eyebrow. "She ain't ashamed of it, either."
"Whatever puts the food on the table, I suppose." I said, nonchalantly.
Gemma shrugged. "I'm gonna go check on her in a little though, you're more than welcome to come."
My eyes lit up at the invitation. "You have no idea how much I would love to get out for a few hours.. But I don't know how Jax would feel about that."
"We'll take a prospect with us."
I sighed. "I was afraid you'd say that." My voice sounded thick with distaste. "Even though they stay out of view most of the time, just knowing they're there...watching.. irritates the fuck out of me."
"Get used to it." Gemma laughed.
I sipped my coffee, wagering with myself if I'd ever get over being babysat. Jax walked in to the kitchen and planted a clumsy kiss on my cheek.
"Morning, darlin'," he muttered in his sleepy voice. "Hey, ma."
"What's the plan for today? Besides dinner tonight at my place, which you both are required to be at." His mother said.
Jax brushed his hand down his face, thinking. "I don't know. With an ATF agent in town, Clay's freaking out. Thinks we need to get rid of everything illegal."
"But he's going to jail." I interrupted. "Nothing he says would hold up on paper, or even in court, right?"
"Right, but this isn't about Brandon. He's DEA..." Jax sighed. "There's more feds in Charming. They picked up Chibs last night on some bullshit charges. They had to let him go but stressed that they'd be watching us."
"What do they want?" Gemma asked.
"To bring us down for our involvement in guns."
"Fuck.." Gemma fidgeted.
"Me and Bobby are going to meet with an independent MC in Nevada. See how they'd feel about storing for us until this blows over."
"Jury's club?" His mother asked. Jax shook his head.
"Who's Jury?"
"He was a friend of my father's. He's the president of the Devil's Tribe."
"When are you leaving?" I asked him.
"Tomorrow morning." He told me. "Don't worry, I'll only be gone for three or four days. Depending on how long it takes to set up a deal. The prospects will make sure you're safe."
I painted a fake smile on my face. "Great. I can't wait." My voice was full of sarcasm. Jax ignored my comment. We had argued enough times about Half Sack following me around, and he didn't want to get in to again.
"I'm going with your mother to Cara Cara later." I stated. Gemma had already walked out of the room, sensing the tension. "No tag-a-longs."
"That's fine." He sighed. "Try not to get in to any trouble, okay?"
"You don't have to worry about me."
"Yes I do. If anything were to happen to you, I couldn't live with myself."
"Why?" I asked, frustrated. "Because the guilt would eat you up? For bringing someone else in to this life style?" I mocked his words from a previous fight. "Save it. I chose to be here, to be with you. I make the same choice every day to stay. Besides, you have no part in Brandon coming here. He would've found me no matter where I was if he was determined. It's been a month, if he was planning something, he would've made a move by now."
"No, Nichole...because I love you." His bright blue eyes burned in to mine, waiting for me to say something back. But I just stared at him; my mouth wide open in shock.
I vaguely remembered uttering very similar words to him before. I thought I was dreaming, though. Had I been? I couldn't be sure. He turned away from me and walked down the hall before I could form a coherent sentence in reply.
Love is tricky. You grow up hearing about how wonderful and consuming it is from the mouths of every person you come in contact with for more than five minutes. They rave on and on about how happy they are that they finally met that person, and it sparks your curiosity. Even from a young age, I remember asking my mother to describe what it felt like to be in love. She would laugh, and tell me that it was complicated. Every case is different, she would say. I couldn't understand that when I was little, but it made perfect sense now. There was no real way to describe it because no string of words, no matter how beautifully spoken and pieced together, could ever do it justice. Love is complex. There is no right or wrong way to love someone; no checklist or diagram on how to fall. It either happens to you, or it doesn't and I don't know who's the luckier player in the game. The one who never fell in love never got to experience the magic of it, but also never had to carry the burden, either. Because that's what it is, a burden. You're investing a large amount of feelings in to someone, sometimes without their knowledge or desire for it, and expecting them not to fuck up. It is the ultimate gamble. When you lose, you feel that loss in every inch of your body. But when you win, its unbelievable. I never thought I was capable of it, or deserving. Boy, do things change.
I got up and walked towards the dorm room. Jax was standing by the bed sliding his cut on. I crossed my arms over my chest. "You love me?" I asked him.
"..Yeah." He said. I closed the space between us and threw my hands around his neck.
"I love you, too." He pressed his lips against mine eagerly and I slipped my fingertips underneath his leather, carefully pulling it off and pushing him on to the bed.
"You okay, sweetheart?" Gemma asked me as we pulled in to the lot of Cara Cara. I was fiddling with my hair again, and she picked up on my case of nerves.
"Yeah... It's just, I can deal with one Ima, but a room full of them? All judging me." I bit my bottom lip.
"Hey," she said, setting her hand on my leg. "You don't got anything to worry about. You hear me?"
I broke eye contact with her and stared out the window. Ima and a group of her indecently exposed cast mates were standing near the door smoking cigarettes.
"I'm not usually the type of person who needs assurance, but they all think Jax is too good for me. And what if it's the truth? What if they're right? I mean...he's with me now. But being surrounded by beautiful.." I cringed at the word, "women all the time who are literally throwing themselves at you is tempting for any man."
Gemma shook her head. "You gonna let some dirty whores who show their pussy for a living tell you shit about you? Let's go."
I followed her out of the car, and Ima locked eyes with me as soon as we got close to the entrance. Gemma stopped dead in her tracks and slid her sunglasses from the top of her head over her eyes. "What are you doing?" I asked her.
"Showing you how it's done...You still got that gun?"
"..For what?" My heart rate sped up. "You gonna shoot her?"
"Somethin' like that. Give it here." I pulled it out of my purse and handed it to her.
"I don't think this is such a good idea." I stated. Gemma cocked the gun back.
"You want to line it up so that the front sight of the gun is just below what you're trying to hit... once you're lined up, breathe in a few times... it's best to pull the trigger after you exhale." She handed the gun back to me. "Do you see that little white car there?" I nodded. "Aim at that."
I positioned the gun as she said. "Okay, now when you pull the trigger, don't jerk it down too fast. Give it even pressure. Squeezing it too fast only throws off your aim."
"Okay," I said. I could feel my palms sweating against the grip panel. I exhaled, and fired. The bullet took out the back window of the vehicle and the noise startled the group of women. A strange sense of excitement flowed through me and I couldn't hide the smile on my face. Gemma smirked. "Again." She said. I could hear Ima curse the skies before one of her friends dragged her inside. I suddenly understood why Gemma chose this target. I blew the side mirror off and flattened two of her tires upon the realization. It was her car.
"That's amazing," was the only words I could say after I was done.
"Feel's good, huh?"
I shook my head. "Are we going to get in trouble for this?"
"You have much to learn, baby." Gemma replied. "C'mon, let's find Luann."
I followed her in to Cara Cara, still reeling from the adrenaline rush. Honestly, I felt untouchable; powerful, even. It was as if no one could fuck with me. Was this how Gemma felt every day? I could get used to it.
The inside was divided into multiple sections where different scenes were being filmed. Men and women walked around mingling with each other; some completely nude and others in ridiculous outfits that barely covered anything. And the smell- horrendous. I subconsciously grabbed my nose and crinkled my face in disgust. Gemma laughed at my reaction.
A petite older woman was running around with a clip board in her hand, yelling orders and adjusting bra straps. "Christine!" She yelled at a red-head who was filming a scene with another woman. "More tongue, what did I tell you? This isn't amateur!"
"I'm guessing that's Luann." I said. At that point, the woman had noticed us and made her way over, engaging Gemma in embrace.
"You have no idea how glad I am to see you." She said.
"Oh, you know it's always my pleasure to visit you at work." Gemma replied, sarcastically.
"Come, come," she said, "we have much to catch up on." She motioned to her office. She glanced at me and stopped. "What are you doing just standing there? Go get in costume. You're late."
"Excuse me?" I said, dumbfounded. Gemma's eyebrow shot up in amusement.
"Jenny," Luann said, looking down at her watch, "the new girl... You were supposed to be here an hour-" Gemma cut her off.
"This is Jax's old lady." Gemma's words caught me off guard. That's the first time I was referred to as his old lady, but it had a ring to it. Luann's jaw dropped and her cheeks reddened. She had the look of regret in her eyes, or was it fear?
"No, no, no.. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. It's just been a long day." She rambled nervously. "Really, I am so sorry. Tell Jax I'm sorry, okay?" Her reaction confused me. Why was she afraid of him?
"It's not a problem, don't worry about it." I assured her.
"Nichole, right? I've heard so much about you." She smiled, trying to regain her composure. I nodded. "Well, let's get to talking, girls.. Shall we?" Luann walked towards the empty room. I shot Gemma a questioning look and she shrugged as if to say 'see, you have much to learn. I told you so.' I guess dating the vice president of the Sons of Anarchy gives you certain perks in life.
Luann had apologized so many times that I began imagining choking the life out of her the next time the word sorry came out of her mouth. I'm joking.. kind of. She had finally gotten around to discussing the reason Gemma was even here; Georgie Caruso. By that time, I was far too irritated by her voice to listen. Don't get me wrong, Luann was nice.. in her own way. I just couldn't make myself interested in the childish rivalry she shared with the man. Every few minutes, she would look at me and I'd shake my head and agree, not knowing what she said and hoping it wasn't a question. It seemed to suffice.
"You know, if Otto wasn't in jail I wouldn't have any worries." Luann said, pulling me out of my trance.
"I know baby, but the guys will help you with anything." Gemma said.
"Yeah.. but it seems like their little trip over there only made it worse. He's only gotten more violent since then." She pleaded. "Lyla's nose is broken, Gem. My girls are scared."
"I'll talk to Clay. We'll figure something out."
"I would really appreciate it." Luann looked at her, thankful.
"The most we could probably do right now is just have some of the guys stick around. There's new law enforcement in town and they don't need to draw any attention to the club." The brunette told her.
"Anything helps."
Gemma stood up and grabbed her purse. I followed suit, happy to finally be leaving. "I have to head to the grocery store," she told the worried woman, "got a lot of mouths to feed tonight. You comin' to dinner tonight?"
"Wouldn't miss it for the world." Luann smiled. "I'll see you both later, oh and Nichole, I really am sorry about that."
"Please," I sighed, "don't apologize anymore. It's fine."
We walked toward the exit and I could hear her shrill voice barking at her employees again. "She's somethin' else." I stated.
"She sure is." Gemma said. "It would take someone as crazy as Otto Delaney to fall in love with a woman like her. They're perfect together."
"How'd she know my name?" The thought randomly crossed my mind.
"Jax can't stop talking about this strong, beautiful woman in his life... Me, of course. But he talks about you sometimes, too." She joked.
Gemma and I prepared an assortment of food for the guys. I didn't know much about cooking, besides the basics like the art of microwaving. She guided me through most of it. I couldn't even pretend I wasn't embarrassed when she asked me to simmer a pot of water and I had to ask what that entailed. She told me I would get the hang out it eventually, insinuating that I'd be helping her every time she held these feasts. Which was very often, might I add.
I thought back to last time I was here. That was the night my house was broken into. It seemed like a life time away and I realized in the moment that I was finally at ease. I didn't care about a couple of porn star sluts, or a man who was overly intrigued by my life. I was secure in my relationship with Jax and Gemma and the rest of the club. Nothing else mattered. I never wanted a family after my mother passed until right now. Watching the guys pile into the front door like a herd of buffalo, pushing each other and making wise cracks, I knew that I could never walk away from this. I craved the craziness and loyalty they all brought. I folded my arms over my chest and leaned against the wall, admiring them.
Some of the guys walked in to the kitchen to say hello, and kissed Gemma and I on the cheek as they passed. I glanced at her to find her eyes glued to me, and I wondered if she was looking at me like I had looked at her not too long ago. I couldn't help but notice the glow on her face when she was standing here gazing at her family all gathered together that night. I suppose I now mirrored that expression.
Jax walked through the door and ran his fingers through his helmet hair and I swear he never looked better to me than he did right now. I would never get used to or sick of him. I was sure of that. His eyes lit up when he seen me and I quickly engaged him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me.
"You seem happy." He noted.
"I'm so unbelievably happy." I laughed. "I didn't think it was possible to feel like this."
"It's definitely mutual, babe."
I cocked an eyebrow at him. "I'm your old lady, huh?"
Jax smiled and tightened his grip on me.
A/N: After the season finale of SOA, I could barely convince myself to write this chapter. I'm still mourning the loss of one of the greatest characters ever created. For a day or so, I just wanted to get my OC away from Gemma, but I had already started writing this before the episode. What it all comes down to though, is that the Gemma in my story is crazy, but I have no plans on making her as crazy as s6 Gemma. I'd like to think of this chapter as the calm before the storm.
I also wanted to take a minute to thank everyone for following and reviewing my story. It means a lot to me. There was a point where I didn't think I would finish this, but you guys kept reviewing and PMing me asking me to continue. I started this fic for myself. I had an idea for a story in my head, and I wanted to put it into words. But now.. Now I'm writing it for you guys. I'm for ever grateful.