Chapter 8/?
A/N: I'm going to stop guessing how many chapters this story will be because it keeps taking twists and turns, and being longer than expected. So, ignore the idea that this will only be 9 chapters long, that's a lie, it's got a little more still to come.
Updates will probably be a little slower in the coming weeks and I'm bogged down with work, university assignments and packing up and moving, so I'd appreciate your patience. This story will be finished though, that I can promise you.
On the day of her thirty-fifth birthday, Gail wakes to the delicious smell of fresh brewed coffee and sizzling bacon invading her senses.
When her eyes flutter open, she's greeted with the wonderful sight of Holly perched on the edge of the bed, her hair messily clipped up, her glasses slightly askew and her lips curled up in that cute bend that makes Gail's stomach flip as she presents a tray complete with said coffee, bacon and birthday waffles.
"Happy Birthday, honey," Holly exclaims softly as she watches Gail's eyes adjust to the light, her mouth tugging into a sleepy but happy smile.
"Thank you," Gail replies with a slight yawn, her voice still hoarse from slumber as she reaches up to rub at her face, and then pushes herself to sit upright to gladly accept the tray.
It's kind of become a tradition between them over the course of their friendship, that on each other's birthdays they wake each other up with breakfast and gifts, before spending the whole day doing whatever the birthday girl wants, and topping the day off by going out somewhere in the evening to celebrate with a fancy birthday dinner.
"Hurry up and dig in before it gets cold," Holly instructs sweetly, picking up a fork and stealing a bite, and making a moan of approval that makes heat spontaneously erupt in Gail's chest.
Gail swallows down her burning desire and instead forces herself to focus her energy on doing what she's told, and hopes that she isn't blushing as hotly as she feels.
"You just want to get to the gift part," Gail teases, trying to keep herself in the moment, and takes her first bite, knowing just how super excited Holly gets about giving gifts, normally more so than when she's receiving them. "God, your waffles are the best," she hums in delight, her eyes falling shut as she savours the taste. "I swear you make them even yummier each year."
"My cooking skills get better with age, like a fine wine," Holly quips goofily, sipping at her coffee and watching in satisfaction as Gail enjoys her birthday breakfast, "and you're right, I do want to get to the gift part, so chew faster."
Gail chuckles in response, and makes a show of shovelling the last few bites into her mouth and chewing quickly, finishing her breakfast up by taking several sips of her coffee to wash it all down.
"There, all done, Commander Lunchbox," she says with mock salute, holding her mouth open as proof and making Holly affectionately roll her eyes.
"Okay you dork, close your eyes," Holly orders excitedly.
Gail smirks in amusement. "Really, Hol, what's the point? Every year you make me close my eyes for dramatic effect, and every year you've gift-wrapped the hell out of whatever you've gotten me that I can never tell what it is anyway."
Holly presses her finger to Gail's lips, silencing her. "Just close your eyes already, it's tradition," she repeats with a smile, making sure Gail does so and isn't peeping before removing the tray from her lap and replacing it with her gift.
Gail lets Holly guide her hands to it, and then with her eyes closed, feels it out with her fingers. It's rectangle in shape and fairly big, and Gail can feel the neat edges of Holly's wrapping with her fingertips. "Oh my god, did you get me a box of doughnuts? Best birthday ever," Gail mock gasps, making Holly playfully reach out and slap her leg.
Gail opens her eyes with a grin at the touch and takes her first real look at her gift. It is neatly wrapped to perfection in that way that only Holly, her mother, and paid professionals can do, and it's definitely the shape of a box, but as Gail lifts it and gives it a slight shake, she hears something moving inside.
"Any ideas, Detective?" Holly asks, her eyebrow quirked challengingly and her lips twisted up in an impish smirk.
Gail shakes it a little harder and then having absolutely no idea, pouts playfully and says, "It's a box with something inside, it could literally be anything. The not knowinghas nothing to do with my detective skills, you know."
"Aww, poor baby," Holly soothes teasingly, breaking into a bright grin when she adds, "You best open it and see then."
"I'm going to be gutted when it's not doughnuts, FYI," Gail jests as she gently fingers open the corner of the paper, tearing the rest of it away as carefully as she can, always one to appreciate the effort that's gone in to the wrapping, and then slowly lifts the lid off the box to reveal the gift inside.
The rest of her playful banter dies on the tip of her tongue as she stares down at the rare vinyl record inside. She's not one for material things, but ever since she was a teenager collecting vinyls has been one of her favourite things to do, the sound so much better and more authentic than those of CDs or MP3s. Her collection is quite vast and varied, and she's shared her favourites with Holly over the years, passionately explaining their context as they listen to the tracks together – Holly elatedly deeming her a secret music nerd – but there's a few on her most wanted list that she just hasn't been lucky enough to track down. The one staring up at her from the box is definitely one that Gail's been itching to get a hold of for years, and as she sees the even rarer sight of a signature scrawled across the bottom lefthand corner, she can do nothing but blink back at it in utter awe and surprise.
"It's one of the ones you've been after right? I mean I hope it is, I looked and looked, and well it seemed liked one you'd like," Holly babbles nervously after a moment of drawn out silence, in a way she never usually does when she gives gifts, normally super assured in her choice, and pulling Gail's gaze back to her as she fidgets with her glasses in a way Gail knows is born out of anxiousness.
"One of the ones I've been- Holly, this baby has been on my wanted list for as long as I can remember," Gail breathes out in disbelief, gingerly picking up the rare, 1972 Japanese 21-track vinyl record of Elvis Presley 'As Recorded At Madison Square Garden' and hoping to dispel Holly's nerves. "How on earth did you get this? I mean, it's even has Elvis' signature on it Holly... this thing has got to be worth an absolute fortune!"
"Oh god, don't say that," Holly retorts with a sheepish smile. "I bought it off Rodney for like fifty dollars."
Gail's eyes widen in shock at the confession. "Fifty dollars?" she repeats in exasperation. "Holly this thing is every avid Elvis collector's dream," she says, breaking into a laugh as Holly grimaces with a helpless shrug. "I can't believe you fleeced, Rodney."
"I didn't fleece him," Holly defends hopelessly. "His grandmother had just passed away and he was clearing out her attic when he found a bunch of records, and he knew I was looking for a record as a gift for you, and so he offered me first dibs at looking through her collection. He said I could take whatever I wanted before he gave the rest to charity, and he only took the fifty dollars because I made him feel bad for wanting to give it to me for free."
"Well, fleecing Rodney or not, this is by far the best birthday present I've ever gotten," Gail admits honestly, reaching over to kiss Holly's cheek appreciatively, and letting her lips linger on Holly's skin for a few seconds longer than she probably should. "Thank you so much, Lunchbox, it's amazing, I really love it."
"You're more than welcome," Holly murmurs, oddly bashful as she holds Gail's gaze, and Gail has to swallow down the overwhelming urge to lean over and kiss her again, properly this time, the memory of Holly's sweet, supple lips melding with her own clouding her thoughts and making blood rush loudly in her ears. "What do you want to do today then, birthday girl?" Holly asks with a small smile, breaking Gail out of her daydream. "Paintballing? Or maybe the batting cages?" she jokes with a wink. "Oh, or maybe something chill like the cinema or ice skating, or maybe even something Peck-ish like the gun range? Whatever you want, we do, remember."
"I actually kinda just want a quiet birthday in with you, doing nothing," Gail admits. They've both been working long hours lately so it feels like the best option to spend her only day off relaxing to the max. "I want us to snuggle up on the couch and have a movie marathon and eat snacks."
Holly chuckles at her answer and nods. "Okay, if that's what you want, that's what we'll do, we'll be lazy-bums together. The question is, are we having a Star Wars marathon or..." she asks trailing off, dropping her voice in to a faux-whisper, "a Disney marathon?"
"Shhh, the walls have ears you know," Gail hushes. "Never speak of my secret love for animated movies."
"You're ridiculous," Holly whispers in amusement. "What movie should we watch first; Blank Story perhaps? Or maybe Monster's Blank? Or maybe even Snow Blank and the Blank Dwarves?"
Gail rolls her eyes in response and pokes out her tongue. "No mocking me on my birthday," she pouts playfully, and then in a low voice, "Besides, I know you know my favourite is Mulan, Holly, she's a total badass like me."
"Mulan it is then," Holly confirms, leaning forward to brush a quick kiss to Gail's forehead, "Go jump in the shower first while I make us some more coffee, and then we can kick start your birthday movie marathon," she says as she gathers up the tray and heads back down to the kitchen, leaving Gail to get ready.
The best part about having a lazy birthday spent doing nothing with Holly, Gail discovers, is that when they finally take a break from snuggling on the couch, having watched both Mulan (her favourite) and Toy Story (Holly's favourite), Holly slips into the kitchen to heat them up some of their favourite peanut butter cookies to snack on, and she gets the chance to give her new record a listen while they wait for them to bake.
As Elvis' heavenly voice fills the room, Gail can't resist grabbing Holly's hand and drawing her into a make-shift birthday dance party right there in the kitchen. It starts with them both doing their best Elvis impressions, their dance moves super exaggerated and ridiculous and making them both giggle as they twirl each other around, but as the record jumps from the fun, fast paced 'All Shook Up' to the soft, intimate rendition of the classic 'Can't Help Falling In Love', Gail can't help but notice an unreadable look blossoming in Holly's dark eyes, her dance moves halting suddenly as she bashfully averts Gail's gaze and quietly claims that she needs to go check on the cookies.
As she watches Holly momentarily retreat, Gail can't help but wonder if it's making Holly's mind flashback to Vegas; the cheap gold-plastic ring Gail proposed with, the Elvis-themed chapel they drunkenly got married in, and the motel with the heart-shaped bed where they made love for the first and only time.
When Holly can't look at her for the rest of the afternoon without blushing, it feels like it might have, and when Holly doesn't withdraw from her like she has done previously, and instead shyly lets Gail keep snuggling with her even though her cheeks are flushed a bright crimson, Gail can't help but feel like it's the universe's way of giving her a sign that maybe it is time for her to lay her heart out on the line.
As the afternoon blurs into the early evening, Holly makes them a reservation at Gail's favourite Thai place, and they part ways to get themselves ready with Holly promising to pick Gail up in a couple of hours.
Despite what people may think, Gail's always enjoyed getting dressed up to go out – the dresses in all styles and colours, the different height heels that help enhance her pale legs, and most importantly the vibrant lipsticks that always leave her mouth looking hypnotising – even though she knows on the rare occasions that she does get all dolled-up, that it comes as an utter surprise to those so used to seeing her on a daily basis, normally fresh-faced and wearing her trusty combat-boots and leather jacket.
But with nerves fluttering unexpectedly in her stomach at the thought of spending the evening alone with Holly – it's not on a date-date, she's knows, just dinner, and yet everything about it feels more somehow – as she stands in front of her mirror staring at her reflection, Gail can't help but fret frantically over what to wear, wanting her outfit to be absolutely perfect so that it wows Holly completely.
It feels important to get something as simple as what she's going to be wearing right, to give her that added boost of confidence she knows she's going to need when the time comes to bare her soul and spill her heart to Holly.
In the end, Gail settles on her trusty little black dress. It's cliched, she knows, but it is a classic, and paired with her favourite black heels she feels her resolve strengthen, calming her rapidly beating heart that's been hammering anxiously as the time grows ever nearer. Normally, if she were going out on a date, she'd opt for her favourite red lipstick, knowing that the likes of Chris and Nick could never resist glancing down at her mouth for the entire evening, utterly mesmerised with her kissable lips, but tonight, Gail thinks it's more fitting not to be so bold. Instead, she feels that it's more appropriate to leave her lips nude, only glossing them to give them a little bit of a shine, exposing her true self instead hiding behind a glamourous facade; she wants Holly to see her bare and vulnerable and completely honest when she confesses her feelings, a reassurance for Holly that what she's admitting is really real.
With only a few more minutes until Holly arrives to pick her up, Gail gives herself a final glance over in the mirror, peering deeply into her own eyes as she takes several deep steadying breaths to prepare herself. It's going to be scary but Gail knows that they can't keep dancing around each other any longer. It's been three months since they drunkenly married in Vegas and her eyes were opened to the depth of her feelings for her best friend, and with every day she's spent with Holly since then, Gail knows she's only fallen more and more in love.
Curling her fingers around the cheap, gold-plastic ring she proposed with, Gail knows that it's time, that it's the right thing to do, especially now that she's fairly certain that Holly is nervously and tentatively embracing her feelings for her too. She just has to make Holly see that they're in these new, uncharted waters together.
As the doorbell rings out through the house, Gail takes a final readying breath and drops the gold-plastic ring into her purse for good luck, and makes her way to greet her best friend for an evening hopefully neither of them will ever forget.
When she opens the door, it's to find Holly dorkily wearing a party hat, clutching a beautiful bouquet of yellow, red-tipped roses with a party blower dangling from the corner of her mouth. The playful spark in Holly's dark eyes is swiftly replaced with one of awe as her gaze drifts over Gail, taking every inch of her in, the party blower unintentionally extending out with a comical noise that makes Gail laugh as Holly blinks wordlessly back at her for a few appreciative seconds.
"I'll take that as a compliment, Lunchbox," Gail chuckles, her heart flopping happily as she snaps Holly back out of her admiring haze.
Holly reaches up to pull the party blower out of her mouth. "You should," Holly concurs with a bright smile, her eyes drifting over Gail quickly once more. "You look incredible, Gail."
"Thank you," Gail murmurs, feeling herself blushing under Holly's heated gaze.
Holly's soft, warm eyes trail over her again, as if she can't resist absorbing Gail for another long drawn out moment before she catches herself. "For you," Holly says shyly, her cheeks flushing as she hands over the roses. "One rose for each of your thirty-five years. They're nowhere near as beautiful as you, but I tried."
Gail feels her cheeks burning even hotter at the compliment, and as she reaches out to take them from Holly, she makes sure to purposefully let their fingers brush, the slight contact sending a ripple of electricity down her spine.
"Thank you, they're lovely," she replies, ducking her nose to breathe in their gorgeous scent, "and so are you," Gail adds affectionately, letting her eyes properly take in Holly for the first time; her long legs highlighted in her dark leather pants and heels, the white blouse she's wearing contrasting stunningly with her olive skin, and her soft, dark hair flowing alluringly down around her shoulders in soft, delicate waves that Gail has the sudden urge to reach out and touch.
"I guess I don't scrub up too badly," Holly quips bashfully, looking down at herself a little self-consciously.
"You look amazing, Hol," Gail reaffirms, reaching out to lay her hand reassuringly on Holly's forearm until her best friend looks up at her with a small, crooked smile that makes Gail's insides melt.
"You ready to go?" Holly asks as Gail draws her hand back and settles the bouquet on the side-table in the hallway.
Gail nods in response, clutching at her purse and feeling her love for Holly radiating out from the cheap, gold-plastic ring hidden away inside, giving her the courage she needs as she reaches out take Holly's awaiting hand and begin the night that will alter their lives forever.
When they arrive at the restaurant the waiter that greets them leads them to a table off in the back, tucked away in the corner away from everybody, romantically lit up with candles and decorated with lily's as a centre-piece. There's soft, gentle music playing in the background, and as Gail takes her seat opposite Holly, their eyes meeting as they share a small, shy smile, it feels like the perfect set-up.
For the most part, Gail forgets her nerves, their friendship easing them into a contented comfortableness as they talk easily throughout the evening, making each other laugh and smile as they playfully steal bites of each other's desserts. It's all very normal except for the added undercurrent sparking between them as the tone of their banter shifts from teasing and witty to slightly daring and flirtatious, and leaves them both smiling shyly with blushing cheeks as they bashfully avert each other's gaze.
But the thing that really reminds Gail that something has shifted between them, is the way Holly seems to be checking her out throughout the night. She knows Holly has a thing for women in formal attire, a crisp white shirt and black tie always a weakness for her, but as her dark eyes keep trailing appraisingly over Gail with such enrapture and yearning, Gail thinks that the sleek black dress she's chosen to show off her curves may be working just as well, if not better.
The fiery appreciation that smoulders to life in Holly's eyes as her gaze flickers over her long, pale, exposed legs as they stand to leave, causes Gail's heart to race unbearably fast, a surge of heat flooding through her and making her skin prickle with the overwhelming desire to feel Holly's touch on her naked flesh, and leaves her aching to touch Holly in return.
As Holly holds her hand out for Gail to take with an inviting smile, their fingers easily entwining and feeling like they're meant to fit together, Gail can feel the words crawling up from her heart and settling on the tip of her tongue, and knows that the moment they get back to the privacy of Holly's townhouse, she's finally going to set them free.
When Gail steps foot outside the restaurant – her thoughts clouded with how to put the depth of her feelings into words that Holly will truly understand – she finds her hand jolting free from Holly's grasp as she collides forcefully with an unsuspecting group of people passing by.
The person she impacts with the most solidly – a tall, well built man with jet-black hair – reaches out instinctively to steady her, an apology spilling instantly from his lips as his concerned, deep blue eyes lock with hers.
"I'm so sorry, please forgive me," he beseeches with a remorseful, tight-lipped smile, his eyes glancing over Gail for signs of injury. "You didn't hurt yourself, did you?"
Gail shakes her head wordlessly in response, the shock of the collision stealing her breath momentarily from her. "No, I'm fine, thank you," she reassures. "It's not entirely your fault anyway, I wasn't paying attention as I came out of the door."
Holly rushes to her side then, her hand immediately pressing to the small of Gail's back. "Oh my god, Gail, are you okay?" she blurts worriedly, her eyes wide and panicked as she looks Gail over for herself despite the question.
Gail nods and flashes Holly a comforting smile, but before she can vocalise her answer to fully assure her best friend, the man who prevented her from falling flat on her face is eyeing Holly in recognition, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"Dr. Stewart," he greets, drawing Holly's attention. "I didn't expect to see you this evening."
Holly glances at the group of people silently waiting behind him and smiles sheepishly at him as she returns his greeting, "Good evening, Dr. Ivanov."
"I was just apologising to your absolutely stunning friend here," he explains, his eyes falling back to Gail's and glimmering admiringly. "It would seem my expert observational skills have abandoned me this evening, for me to have so carelessly knocked such an angel from the sky."
The wink he tacks onto the end of his super cheesy line is enough to make Gail want to barf, but before she can cut his enormous ego down to size, Holly's hand slides around from her back to settle on her hip, drawing Gail possessively into her side.
"Honey," Holly says purposefully, her eyes darting quickly to Gail's before flicking back to Dr. Ivanov's, "this is my boss, the medical director of Toronto, Dr. Milo Ivanov; and this, sir, is my wife, Gail."
It's the very first time Holly has explicitly referred to Gail as her wife, and Gail feels a shiver ripple down her spine at the way Holly proudly announces the title and so boldly claims Gail as her own, her lips twisting into a smirk as she watches Dr. Ivanov's face wash over with surprise.
"I didn't know you were married, Dr. Stewart," Dr. Ivanov says, taking a subtle step backwards, relenting his interest in Gail as he nods at Holly in polite understanding.
Holly smiles in satisfaction at his retreat, and draws Gail impossibly closer to her side. "We're newlyweds," she explains, turning to Gail with a soft, lopsided smile that melts Gail's insides and makes her smile back just as affectionately, her own hand snaking around Holly's body to return the intimate pose.
"Three months and counting," Gail adds with a toothy grin, her ecstatically fluttering heart making her feel lightheaded with unadulterated happiness.
"Well then, in that case, Dr. Stewart, please join us and allow me to buy you and your wife a drink to apologise for so rudely bumping into her and interrupting your evening," Dr. Ivanov offers kindly.
Gail notices Holly hesitating briefly, even as a few more people in the group nod there hello's Holly's way, and as Holly's fingers flex unconsciously against her hip, pulling Gail against her tighter still so that they're snugly pressed flush against each other, Gail decides she kind of likes the idea of Holly showing her off as her wife, and that going for a drink may actually help bolster her courage when the time comes for her to reveal the depth of her feelings.
"That's very kind of you, we'd love to join you for a drink, Dr. Ivanov, thank you," Gail agrees, easing Holly's sudden apprehension with a soft smile and shifting to put a little space between their bodies, just enough that she can entangle their hands together once more as they follow Dr. Ivanov and the group down the street to an upmarket wine bar.
As the group settles around a table with a round of drinks – Holly instantly shuffling their chairs closer together and lovingly resting her hand on Gail's knee without a second thought – the conversation begins to pass freely between people, and Gail's ears can't help but pick up snippets of scientific lingo flowing around them.
Dr. Ivanov must notice the confusion etching over her face because he simply grins over at her. "You must hear enough about forensic pathology at home with Holly's work without all of us chattering on about it now," he says kindly, but his ambiguous answer only serves to make Gail's brow furrow in deeper confusion. "I must say, I was disappointed when Holly declined the invitation for tonight," he adds in a feigned whisper as Holly looks their way. "Only Toronto's finest are here with me tonight and getting to know them a little outside of work is definitely helping to shape my decision on who should replace the assistant medical director at the end of the month."
Gail blinks back at him for a long drawn out moment before glancing around at the rest of the group, picking some of the faces out that she's worked with in passing over the years she's been a police officer – Dr. Fredrick from twenty-seven division, and Dr. Miller from twelfth – and as her gaze flicks over to lock with Holly's – her expression growing sheepish as she coyly worries her bottom lip – Gail finally realises exactly who these people are.
"You're all forensic pathologists," she drawls slowly, her eyes flitting back across to Dr. Ivanov, and knowing the answer even before he speaks.
"Yes, of course," he nods in amused response. "These are are all the candidates I'm considering interviewing for the promotion, and your wife was in the running before she declined my invitation with the excuse that she had important, unbreakable plans."
Holly hasn't said a word to her about the possibility of any chance at an upcoming promotion, and with Dr. Ivanov's explanation echoing inside her mind, Gail knows why. She knows that Holly has sacrificed the opportunity to achieve a career move she so desperately wants for the simple reason that it fell on the same night as Gail's birthday, and their tradition dictates that they spend their birthday's together, always, no matter what.
Gail feels a wave of surprise flooding over her at the news, her heart thumbing wildly in her chest with utter disbelief as a burst of unbridled love explodes throughout her, and as she turns to meet Holly's gaze once more, her best friend's cheeks flushing bashfully and her shoulders shrugging as she flashes Gail a small, timid smile, Gail knows she's well and truly caught Holly out.
"My birthday," Gail murmurs quietly in astonished explanation, receiving a subtle nod from Holly.
Holly's spent all day putting her wants and needs first, and making sure her birthday is enjoyable and special when instead she should have been preparing herself for something Gail knows she's been working so hard for, especially lately, and the thought of Holly being so completely and utterly selfless just to ensure Gail's happiness makes Gail fall in love with her best friend all over again.
"She didn't tell you," Dr. Ivanov asks knowingly, glancing between them cautiously, obviously realising he's let the cat out of the bag, and Gail simply shakes her head absently in response, her eyes never leaving Holly's as she stares back at her with overwhelming awe and adoration.
Gail moves on instinct then, gently reaching out to tenderly cradle Holly's face, watching as warm brown eyes glimmer back at her in wonderment, and leans in to press a soft, sweet, kiss to the corner of Holly's mouth, her lips lingering against Holly's for far longer than they should. She hopes more than anything that Holly can feel the sheer gratitude radiating out of her as she lets their foreheads nestle together, their eyes remaining shut as they get lost in each other for a long moment, and Holly's breath exhaling shakily out against Gail's lips as Gail's fingertips loving stroke along her jaw, keeping her close.
"You should be proud of your wife, Gail," Dr. Ivanov voices, breaking through their bubble and reluctantly drawing them apart, their eyes shyly and slowly fluttering open to meet one another as reality crashes back over them. "Dr. Stewart is one of the youngest, most hard working and talented forensic pathologists I've ever come across is my career."
Gail catches Holly humbly averting her eyes at his praise, and can't help but feel the overcoming need to add to his compliment and boost Holly's confidence even further, especially now, knowing the bitter blow from her parents still plagues the darkest corners of Holly's brilliant mind.
"I'm extremely proud of her," she says assuredly, her eyes softening as Holly's flicker up to meet her gaze, her hand curling affectionately over the hand Holly still has settled on her knee, before returning her eyes to Dr. Ivanov, and cheekily adding, "Holly is hard working and dedicated but you've only caught a glimpse of how incredible her mind is. That's why, despite her selflessly declining your invitation to put my needs first, I still think you should give her a shot at the promotion. She'd never let you down again and we both know she's the right person for the job, she'd make it a priority to succeed in the position. I mean, she could juggle all of its challenges with one hand and still be writing research to publish with the other."
Dr. Ivanov lets out a breathy chuckle at her boast even as Holly's cheeks flush a burning crimson. "That's quite the recommendation," he says with a convinced smile and throwing a wink Gail's way before turning his head to address Holly, "I think your wife might me onto something, Dr. Stewart. You had best make yourself an appointment to see me next week so we can talk details."
"I- I will, thank you, Dr. Ivanov," Holly stutters disbelievingly, and Gail affectionately bumps their shoulders together, successfully making Holly's lips quirk up in an adorable smile as her eyes glimmer with gratitude.
The conversation turns less serious after that, the talk shifting to movies and sports and music as another round of drinks are ordered in, and Gail finds herself unexpectedly enjoying the evening spent getting to know Holly's peers. At some point, Holly's arm settles lovingly around her shoulders, drawing Gail in against her side and allows Gail to daringly rest her own hand down on Holly's knee, her fingertips idly tracing patterns against her flesh and making Holly's body shudder in response. It feels so natural to be in the role of Holly's partner, still her best friend but her wife too, and Gail knows she could get easily used to the shift on a more permanent basis.
By the time people start excusing themselves to leave, Gail finds herself almost reluctant to go, not wanting to break the intimate spell she and Holly have spent themselves in for most of the evening as wife and wife, and feeling her heartbeat nervously beginning to pick up pace once more as time draws close for them to part from the group and finally be alone. Alone, with nothing but Gail's overwhelming love eagerly waiting on the tip of her tongue, desperately desiring to finally be spoken true and set free for Holly's ears and heart to hear.
"I hope to see you soon, Dr. Stewart, we really do have much to discuss," Dr. Ivanov says with a smile as they exit the bar, and then flicking his eyes to Gail, adds, "Mrs Stewart, it was lovely to meet you. I hope to see much more of you along with Holly from now on."
They both return his smile and kindly bid him goodnight, watching as he begins to walk off in the opposite direction before letting their eyes fall back to each other's. A beat of silence passes between them as they share a tentative smile, not quite knowing what to say now there's no need for such a blatant act, and so Holly simple hooks their arms together and quietly starts to walk them in the direction of their parked car.
Gail lets herself lean into Holly as they walk, their silence for once not stifling but comfortable as they continue to glance at each other out of the corner of their eyes and trade small, shy smiles. With every step they take, their shoulders brushing together and making a spark ripple down Gail's spine, Gail feels her heartbeat grow increasingly rapid, and the words she so longs to speak begin to echo so loudly around inside her skull that she can't take it for a second longer.
Her step falters as she tugs Holly to an unexpected stop, and as dark, warm eyes turn to her with a flash of concern, Gail feels her chest clench anxiously, knowing that this is the moment, that there's no going back now, not after this.
"Honey?" Holly murmurs worriedly, her eyebrow quirking questioningly as Gail swallows thickly and blinks wordlessly back at her as blood rushes loudly in her ears.
"I just- I wanted to say-" Gail stutters, stumbling over the words, and feeling herself get lost in the depth of Holly's beautiful eyes. "Thank you for making my birthday so wonderful, Hol," she starts softly.
"You're more than welcome," Holly replies just as softly, her lips curling up into a smile as she shakes her head and adds, "I think I should be thanking you though, for getting me that appointment with Dr. Ivanov."
"Are you kidding? You don't need to thank me, Holly," Gail retorts in disbelief. "You would have gotten the job yourself if you hadn't sacrificed the meeting just to take me out on my birthday... I mean, I still can't believe you did for that for me..."
Holly just shrugs back at her with a shy smile, like what she did was nothing, and it's so utterly selfless that Gail can't resist reaching out to draw Holly into a deep embrace, immediately burying her nose in the crook of Holly's neck and breathing her in as she holds her tight.
"You're worth it," Holly confesses in a quiet whisper, her hands wrapping around Gail in return, and her breath tickling the shell of Gail's ear and making her shudder in response.
Gail feels a wave of overwhelming love surge through her at the admission, her heart hammering so wildly in her chest that she fears it will break free if she doesn't release it soon, and as she slowly releases her tight hold on Holly and draws back just enough to search out her face, the moment their eyes meet, Gail feels the oxygen rush from her lungs at the intense adoration glimmering openly in Holly's gaze.
It feels like the moment Gail has been achingly yearning for for weeks as their foreheads naturally come to rest together, their noses affectionately bumping against one another as their lips hover mere centimetres apart, and leaves Gail in breathless anticipation as they teeter on the edge of that line they're been balancing so precariously on since Vegas.
"Dr. Ivanov was right by the way," Holly murmurs, her voice a barely audible whisper, and her ever darkening eyes growing heavy-lidded as they flicker between Gail's own and her lips, "you do look absolutely stunning tonight, Detective."
Gail exhales shakily as Holly unconsciously presses closer to her, bringing their hips flush together as her hands idly move over Gail's body; smoothing up and down her waist before daringly creeping around to the small of her back, her fingertips tracing languidly up and down Gail's spine as if she's etching Gail's every curve into her memory before her hands seem to absently drift down even lower, her hands boldly palming Gail's ass and forcing them impossibly closer still.
"I gathered you approved by the way you haven't been able to keep your hands off me all night, Dr. Stewart," Gail purrs in an equally soft whisper, Holly's brave caress encouraging her to throw off her lingering nerves and be a little daring as she scratches her nails at the nape of Holly's neck and feels her tremble in response.
It's almost as if the moment Gail dares to give voice to what's happening though, highlighting just how much things are changing between them, it completely shatters the moment of intimacy blossoming between them. Holly seems to process how truly close together they're pressed and where exactly her hands are resting, how they're far lower than they should be, and jarringly snaps them back with a heated flush burning hotly across her cheeks.
"Oh god, I'm- I'm so sorry," Holly stutters apologetically as she hurriedly steps back, desperately putting space between them and leaving Gail's head spinning at the swift change of pace. Gail reaches for her at once as fear floods through her, urgently trying to reclaim the sudden distance between them and wanting nothing more than to soothe Holly, but Holly adamantly shakes her head and clears her throat. "I'm sorry, I'm sosorry," she repeats firmly, her eyes refusing to meet Gail's. "I shouldn't have done that. I didn't mean- I wasn't- we're not- I shouldn't have..."
"Relax Lunchbox, it's fine," Gail cuts in soothingly, wanting nothing more than to reassure her as Holly trails frantically off, her eyes wide and confused as she shakes her head to herself and looks down at her hands like they've betrayed her. "You're allowed to feel your wife up," Gail quips comfortingly with a small smile, hoping to break Holly out of her freak-out mode, "it's all part of the married perks of us being the Stewarts."
Gail watches something in Holly shift swiftly at her words, her eyes glazing over and her face washing over with an unreadable expression as she steps back even further, and shakes her head, her brow furrowing in deep thought, as she physically and emotionally distances herself from Gail.
"No, it's not fine," Holly says quietly, lifting her stony eyes to meet Gail's and making a lump lodge in Gail's throat as her body rushes with icy panic, Holly's voice growing stronger as she adds, "This isn't just some joke – marriage isn't a joke to me, Gail. It's not a game, it's our lives. What the hell are we doing?" she exclaims in exasperation, more to herself than to Gail as she reaches up to cover her mouth with her hand, and then, "We can't keep carelessly playing around like it's nothing."
Gail's hurt lurches painfully in her chest as Holly's words slash into her, cutting her deeply and leaving her too stunned to move, her brain struggling to understand how they've gone so swiftly from being so close to kissing and revealing their feelings, to Holly brushing their marriage off as nothing.
It doesn't make sense for it to all be spiralling so utterly out of control, this isn't how Gail had planned for it to go. She was supposed to make Holly see all that they could be, not all that they aren't.
"We're not just... carelessly playing around, Holly," Gail rebuts, her voice cracking as she struggles to find words powerful enough to calm and convince Holly that everything is how it's supposed to be, that this is how they were always destined to end up; together and in love and happy. "We're just... we were waiting for the right time," Gail stutters as she implores Holly with her eyes, "and now we-"
"We've let this go too far," Holly shakes her head and swallows thickly, her fingers reaching up to anxiously adjust her glasses. "There's never going to be a right time for us to get divorced, Gail. It doesn't work like that, and we were foolish to think it did; look at my parents for god's sake, I can't- I don't want us to be the Stewarts!" Holly exhales in horrifying realisation. "We were waiting for my research to be published, and now it is, so we have no excuse to allow this to drag on any longer."
"Holly..." Gail pleads helplessly, reaching for her again and feeling her heart lodge in her throat when Holly just implacably shakes her head and steps back, holding her hands up almost defensively, as if to protect herself from Gail's justifications. "Wait, just slow down a second, okay, we're not the same as them, we're still figuring things out now-"
"No," Holly snaps pointedly, her voice biting, and shutting Gail down forcefully in a way she never has before. It makes Gail's stomach drop, a harsh wave of reality rushing through her and making her blood run cold at the finality of Holly's words. "We're not- we're not together, Gail. I mean what am I even doing? You're straight for fuck's sake," Holly mumbles, more to herself again, and then, "There's nothing to figure out, we just need to put a stop to this now and deal with it before we let ourselves get any more confused and hurt."
"Holly..." Gail repeats in a hopeless whimper, shaking her head feebly even as she feels her eyes stinging with tears, knowing deep in her soul that she's missed her chance, that she's too late to say those three little words now, and oddly it makes her heart clench achingly at how unsurprising it is.
Everything Gail thought they'd been building between them is suddenly crumbling rapidly apart and there's nothing she can do to stop it. Of course she's messed it up, Gail thinks dejectedly, love and her just aren't meant to go together. You would have thought she'd have learned that by now.
"You promised me, we wouldn't let this mess us up, Gail," Holly murmurs dismally, finally stepping forward to reach tentatively for Gail's hand and squeezing beseechingly. "Please, okay? I need us to fix this. I can't lose you, I need my best friend more than anything else is the world. Please, Gail," Holly begs frantically, her eyes wide and desperately pleading, "just don't- I can't-" Holly shakes her head again as her eyes brim with tears, "I can't," she repeats in a small, helpless whisper, "I just... I need things not to change; I need us to keep being us. Please."
She feels her heart breaking as Holly begs her not to alter who they are, shattering into millions of shards that get lost amongst the ruins of their potential love, of all the 'what could have been's', as Holly withdraws away from their intimacy, shutting the slight opening their was in her heart for the opportunity of them to be more.
Gail doesn't say anything, she can't, for if she does she fears her words will betray her.
She had meant it when she promised Holly that she wouldn't let them lose their friendship over this whole ordeal, and even though she knows the weight of her love will be so heavy some nights that it will be excruciating to harbour it, Gail looks into her best friend's profoundly pleading eyes and nods wordlessly in acquiescence.
The promise she made honoured; her best intentions to protect their hearts resulting in the very worst way imaginable on a night she knows she'll never forget.
The drive back to the frat house is shrouded in a suffocating, unbearably palpable, tense silence, heavy rain thundering down against the windshield, and thick grey clouds rolling across the sky, the sudden shift in the atmosphere mirroring the gloom that's penetrated every inch of Gail's mind, body and soul.
"What do you want me to do now?" Gail asks in a quiet voice as they pull up outside her house, her body feeling entirely numb.
Holly doesn't look chance looking over at her, instead, she keeps looking out the windscreen for a long few moments, watching the world outside them being soaked in the downpour. "Nothing," she finally voices sorrowfully. "I'll do it all. I'm the one who- I'll call one of the divorce lawyers I looked up... get the ball rolling so we can fix this mistake and finally get back to normal."
Hearing Holly call what's happened between them a mistake feels like the biggest blow of all, it makes Gail's extremely beaten and bruised heart feel like it's lodged itself between her lungs and her ribcage, and makes every breath she tries to draw feel like a tortuous gasp for air.
In this moment, as she searches Holly's eyes out, refusing to look away until Holly relents and glances shamefully at her, Gail knows her heart will never be whole again, not now she doesn't know how to separate what they could have been with what they are forever set in stone to be.
She doesn't know how she will ever be able to once again divide where one begins and the other ends, not now that she's been so cruelly granted a taste of all they could have been. It feels like it will be impossible to forget the chance that sparked momentarily between them, but Gail knows she'll have to try if she doesn't want to lose Holly completely, because if she doesn't, she knows that she won't be able to keep Holly as part of her life, and Pecks don't break promises. They're loyal to the very end, no matter the cost, even if being friends with Holly is all she'll ever be, Gail knows she'll just have to learn to live with it. She'll have to be grateful for having such a wonderful person in her life at all, no matter how painful or how difficult it will be as she always quietly yearns for more; her heart's suffering will have to be hers to burden alone.
"Whatever you want, Holly," Gail replies solemnly, even as a little bit of untameable hurt and anger flares up in her voice when she adds, "Just let me know when you need me to fulfil my next duty and free you from our horrid mistake."
Holly's eyes flash with regret in response to Gail's wounding words, her bottom lip quivering slightly as her mouth opens and closes wordlessly in a desperate attempt to make things right between them somehow, but Gail simply ignores the way her insides gnaw unpleasantly at the sight of Holly's eyes brimming with hurt-filled tears, and storms from the car without waiting for Holly to find her voice.
Nothing Holly could say could possibly ease the relentless ache Gail knows will forever torment her heart from now on anyway, just as she knows there's nothing she can say that can break through the terrified scars Holly's parents have inflicted upon her fiercely guarded heart and open her up to the joy and beauty that love can bring when given the chance.
A chance, Gail now knows, that even if part of Holly's heart wanted – and she's no longer certain it ever really has – Holly's too terrified to take with her.
They've both made their choices, now they've just got to learn to live with them; for better and for worse.