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Chapter 17

The next morning, I wake up early. The sun isn't even up yet; my legs are all goosebumpy from the chill, and it's so dark I can only see a few feet in front of me. Normally, this would be the part where I snort, roll over, and go back to sleep. But I already know I'm too wired to do that this morning, so instead, I roll off my bed and tiptoe out of the tent.

Lucy lets out a loud snore as I reach the doorflap, and I giggle, then slap my hand over my mouth. Needless to say, we had a kind of crazy day yesterday, so I don't want to wake them.

Luckily, both sisters stay fast asleep and I sneak out unnoticed.

Once I'm in the open, I move more freely, jogging down to the lake, splashing my toes in the water (even though that only makes them colder), and watching as the sun comes over the horizon. I've heard for years how awesome the sunrise is, but I never cared enough to be up early enough to see it. Well, I don't know if this is just a Narnian thing, or if it's this amazing back on Earth, but as the sun breaches the edge of the land, it shines brighter than I've ever seen, showering the sky in brilliant yellows and highlighting the clouds in a fluffy pink. The bright rays glint off the leaves, goldy bits sparkling off the tips of each like mini stars. Several of the dryads step out of their trees and bask in the sun, closing their eyes and humming soft lullabies as they sway in the light of the new day.

But rather than relish the beauty the way they do, I can only think of the ones who didn't live to see it.

"Wow. I've never seen anything like this."

I jump and whirl around to see Edmund standing behind me. "Sorry." He smiles in his soft, sheepish way. "I didn't mean to scare you."

I shrug, turning back to stare at the sky, pretending my heart's not still racing. "It's okay."

"May I sit with you?"

I nod, gesturing to the space beside me. "Sure, go ahead."

"How's your side?" I add, as he settles down and dips his feet next to mine in the water.

"Good as new. You'd never think..." He trails off, then adds more quietly. "You'd never think I almost died."

I can't think of anything to say to that. I mean, is there anything to say to that? So I just wrap an arm around his shoulders, and he wraps an arm around mine, and we watch as the Narnian sun finishes its climb, turning the sky from night, to fire, to day.

When it's officially daylight, I look around, noticing Tarrodour and a few other fauns patrolling. Peter set them last night to make sure there weren't anymore of the Witch's stragglers, but we all knew it was just a formality. Aslan killed her, and we took care of the rest. It's over.

So why does my mind keep going back to yesterday?

"Penny for your thoughts, Zay?"

In spite of myself, I laugh. "You got a penny?"

Edmund smiles. "Sorry, no."

"That's all right." I wink. "Just this once, I'll let you in for free."

"Too kind of you."

My lips quirk up in a smile, but then my thoughts come crashing in and shove it off my face, forcing me to frown again. "I was thinking about yesterday," I whisper.

He frowns, too, but not the same why I am. More like he's confused. "What about yesterday?" he asked. "I mean, it was... good. Wasn't it?"

I sigh. He won't understand.

But, blowing out a long breath of air, I tell him anyway. "OK, so I know they were the bad guys; I know they would've killed us without a second thought, and besides they didn't even look like real people, but there was something so human about them." I pause for breath, refusing to look at Edmund, because he probably thinks I'm some kind of lunatic. "Even though I killed from far away, I keep seeing them in my mind. Every time I shot and someone went down. Someone... died.

"At the time, I was so in the moment, I didn't even think about it. Now." I pluck at the grass beside me. "Now, it's all I can think about."

After several seconds of silence, I risk a look at Edmund, expecting his eyes to be wide with surprise, or dark with anger, or rolled with this-chick-has-lost-her-dang-mind. But his eyes are the same beautiful brown as ever, they're staring right at me, and he's nodding. "I... I feel the same. Kind of anyway. Even though all of them would've killed me without losing any sleep; several tried to and nearly succeeded. But still..." he trails off, and I feel his shrug beneath my hand.

I nod, again, having run out of words for once. How is it that, beneath our joy, we can feel this sadness, this guilt, the day after our awesome win? I mean, we did the right thing. Didn't we?

Indeed, you did. A golden whisper stirs in my head, and Edmund and I both perk up and look at each other.

"Did you–?"

"Yup."

We look up, across the bank, and there's Aslan. He smiles. "That you contemplate the loss of life even on the enemy's side is a sign that you value life, whether the one who leads it is in the right or not. It is a mark of a noble and just ruler. You will both do well."

And just like that, He turns and walks away. "Well that was comforting," I say when He's out of sight.

Edmund chuckles, poking the ground with his finger. "Yeah."

But it doesn't take away the feeling completely, and we both know it.

"Well," he says a few seconds later, "since you shared I guess I might as well."

I nod. "Sure, go ahead.

"I guess... I guess I'm feeling overwhelmed."

"About ruling?"

"Yes." He slaps the ground with his fist, exploding with more emotion than I've ever seen in him. "How am I supposed to rule, Zaylie? After what I did? After I betrayed everyone?"

My eyes go wide with surprise. Believe it or not, I'd kinda forgotten that bit. "Edmund... I promise you, no one's even thinking about that now."

"Well, they should be."

"You told me what you did–"

"I didn't tell you what I was going to trade them for."

I pause. "You... you said a crown."

"Oh yes." He scoffs. "A crown, which I'm getting anyway and don't deserve. But what I really wanted was... a room full of turkish delight."

Silence. Then, "Really?"

"Really." He slumps down on the grass, one arm thrown over his eyes like he can't even look at me. That's when I realize my words and my expression probably aren't making him feel better.

So much for a good advisor. I'd better give that another go. "Well... it just shows how much you've grown since then. That you recognize how–"

"Stupid it was."

"Well... yes."

Edmund huffs, rolling away, but I scoot after him. Pulling his arm away from his face, I force him to look in my eyes. "You will be a great King, Edmund Pevensie. You're kind and compassionate and you don't deny your mistakes. What's more, you're repentant and willing to make amends. You'll be an amazing ruler." I smile, doing a deep-voice prophet impression, "I have foreseen it."

He laughs, but some of the uncertainty still lingers in his eyes. "Well, when you put it that way, I guess I can't argue."

"No, you most certainly cannot."

We just sit there for a bit, grinning at each other, before he finally says, "We should probably be getting back."

I nod. "They'll be looking for us."

We stand, and as we do, I really look at him, recalling something I noticed when we first met in the Witch's camp: he's cute.

I've ridden a centaur, made friends with a faun, fought an epic battle with an evil witch for an entire country. But what I do next is probably the craziest thing yet.

I kiss him.

Don't worry, not on the lips. Just his cheek. Then I giggle and run away like some first grader on a dare.

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