Her place was nestled next to Chloe in bed, the dim ceiling light was on. She could smell Chloe's joint the moment the door opened. She lay next to her and inhaled the detergent wafting off her clothes. She tried not to be too obvious.
"How'd it go? Did he get lucky?"
Max scoffed. She paused, letting the question hang for a few seconds. Chloe licked her lips and raised her eyebrows at her.
"No. I feel so bad."
"Awww," Chloe laughed. "Don't feel too bad. You know boys aren't entitled to your sweet heroic affection."
"Yeah, only you are!" Max teased. She put an arm over Chloe's stomach. Her heart beat faster. Her fingers hesitantly rubbed the revealed skin under her shirt.
Chloe gave a short laugh.
That Saturday, Chloe was out with friends. Max chose to stay in and study because her grades weren't as great as at Blackwell. She felt disturbed by the nightmares. They persisted every single night. Day in and day out she was stressed that they would never go away. The school counselor was no help. She couldn't admit what had happened—that she killed all those people. That without her stupid power Blackwell and Arcadia Bay would still be standing.
In recapping this while studying, Max found herself unable to concentrate and texted Chloe to see where she was.
I would rewind one more time just to be a kid again. Have to do it all over again. Maybe change the course of time in some other way so I don't even have to go to Blackwell.
Max daydreamed about being kids with Chloe. When they had sleepovers, she wanted to hug her in bed even back then. Now she could sometimes, but not without giving it away. She was in love. The figurative depiction of love she had for Chloe was a heart the size of the world. A cheesy construction paper Valentine's heart, like the Valentines they used to make for each other in middle school.
Her head was in her hand as she looked at her phone on the desk. It buzzed and Chloe's text shone bright and welcome on the screen. "At the hole in the wall! Come here!"
She was referring to a bar that allowed minors and had bands play every day, except Sundays. On Sundays they had brunch and mimosas. Minors could get X's drawn on their hands so as not to get them all drunk.
Despite that, when Max arrived, Chloe's breath smelled of beer and cigarettes. She didn't mind though—the way Chloe acted when she drank was playful and more flirtatious. This could be a good opportunity to flirt back, as she'd done many times before. Maybe even get a kiss in there somewhere.
Chloe's friends were some new Oregon punks they'd both met, very social LGBT girls and guys who went out on the gay scene every week. Max could tell Chloe felt more like she belonged here than in Arcadia. At least she could stay in school instead of being banished because of failures. And as she put it, not being a goody-goody snob like everyone else was there. Like a prep.
In no time, her friends were drunkenly gallivanting around, laughing and chain smoking next to Chloe, taking her attention away from Max. One of the girls—whose name was Jen—was a feminine girl with a trendy black androgynous asymmetrical haircut. Her eyes gleamed behind her eyeliner. Each time Max saw her, she wanted to puke with the sarcasm under the surface about her general demeanor. Everything about her reeked of trendy socialite lesbian who everyone loves. Her skin was flawless. It was hard not to be jealous at the very sight of her.
"Ooh, I like your jacket, girrrl. Where'd you get it?"
Of course an arm-warmer gay guy came up to compliment her, pulling gently at the collar of her jacket, furthering Max's feelings. Max just looked at Chloe, admiring her glossy eyes gleaming in the lights from the patio's lamp posts.
The music in the bar was pounding. The patio was getting harder to bear, with its buzz of indecipherable chatter and laughter. Max felt she didn't belong, but she would go anywhere with Chloe.
Ash trays filled with cigarette butts bothered Max's irritable allergies. She blew her nose into a bandana she had pocketed.
"Oh, poor Max. Is the smell too strong for you?" Chloe put her arm around Max's shoulders. Max felt embarrassed as she wanted nothing more than to lean in to the hug and be held by Chloe for minutes, ideally.
"Oh, shut up. I'm just allergic to something."
"Ha! Yeah, the night life of being older finally. Remember when we were kids? I would never dream of seeing you at a trashy bar with live music blaring!"
"Well, don't be too sure I can't get into the night life."
Max smiled, putting her bandana away.
A bigger, more butch girl came up to the group. Max had seen her once before, but she was new. They'd never been introduced. "Hey Jen." She greeted the Pretty Girl of the lesbian scene.
"Hey, Kyle." Max realized this was a trans guy by his name.
Kyle put his arm around Jen. "I was hoping to see you here!" he said. His voice was deeper than his appearance let on, like a teenage boy going through puberty.
"I thought the same! Hey, hi five!" Jen teased and she jumped perkily as her hand hit his hand.
"Alright, enough you two. We're all here. We're all happy." Chloe let go of Max regrettably, and made a "calm down" gesture to the two.
"Oh, be quiet Chloe. It's not like you weren't groveling over Max to come here all night," Jen said, teasing, but rudely.
"Whaaat?" Max asked in surprised. "Groveling, were you?" Max put her hand on her hip to mimick a mocking stance.
"Nooo! I wasn't groveling. I just said I missed you, that's all. Studying is for squares." Chloe scoffed, but she felt her face get hot. She huffed out a big breath.
"Aww, you missed me," Max teased.
"Did not!" Chloe teased back. "I bet you missed me so much that's why you even came out to meet us. For me." Chloe pointed her fingers at her chest.
"True," Max said, unashamed.
Chloe looked at Jen being pampered by Kyle as he wiped some of her eyeliner, fixing it like a gentleman. He took her chin in her hands and honed in on a kiss. Jen returned hesitantly. His arm felt strong around her waist and she giggled, cutting the kiss short. She said, "I could use another drink, who's with me!?" The group cheered and they started inside.
"Oh whoopee!" Chloe exclaimed, throwing her hands up and leaving, towards the exit. Max followed her, as she didn't know anyone else there. Past the exit of the patio she caught up to her and asked, "What was all that about?"
Chloe looked upset, like she had something on her mind. "Oh, she doesn't like Kyle. She needs to stop leading on poor lesbians and men to be all over her and feel like they got lucky when they didn't. At all."
"Yeah, I've noticed she's kind of like a player," Max smiled.
"Every time we're here she's with a new girl." Chloe exaggerated, but it was true she changed girls like the days of the week.
Max said, "That's just her flavor of the week, huh?"
"Yup," Chloe said.
They continued walking out of the parking lot. At the sidewalk, Chloe explained, "I need to sober up. Let's go to the bridge, yeah?"
There was an arching bridge at a park they'd been to a few times. Sitting at the railing, Max's heart sped up. She was daydreaming again—that this would be the night. She felt Chloe being bothered and confessing a "can't be tamed" lesbian celebrity who got 50 likes on Facewaste photos would be a call to action that she would kiss her, or even get an open to be with her until the end of days.
Chloe teased, touching Max's chest, "You look pretty rocker in that shirt you're wearing." It was a Bad Brains shirt. She felt it was her favorite out of the clothes Chloe lent her, mostly because it's one of the first ones she saw her in after the week from Hell. She'd tossed it to her and said, "Here, you can have it!"
Max smiled. "Not as badass as you, though." She bit her bottom lip, smiling.
"You… you confuse me," Chloe said, squinting her eyes at her and taking out a cigarette from her pack. She lit it and took a deep drag.
She stretched out her back and slid the black beanie off of her head, letting her growing-out blue hair fall around her face. She sprawled over, legs on the arm of the bench, head resting on Max's lap. Max's heart beat faster and she didn't know where to put her hands, so she spread them on either side of her. She already felt overwhelmed with joy that this affection was being displayed once again.
"After all the shit we've been through, I'd just be happy if we could rewind and live every moment together forever."
Max's heart skipped a beat.
"Me too," she said.
She put her right hand over Chloe's heart. Chloe looked up at her. And let out a belch. She cracked up into laughter. "I'm so sorry." She laughed and got back up from her laying position. "I have had to burp for such a long time."
Max giggled back, but felt slightly disappointed. Even so, Chloe's lack of manners was adorable.