A/N: I debated over posting this as a stand-alone chapter, but (spoiler alert!) the next chapter is going to be very case-heavy and still needs lots of work. So, in honor of the holiday season, I'm posting this part as its own chapter. Hope you enjoy! :)
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Ellie doesn't panic until the morning, when somehow the cold light of day makes what seemed so right in the moonlight the worst possible decision she could have made.
Thankfully they'd decided there would be no brunch that day-a quiet day at home with their respective families was what was wanted after a week away-so she had plenty of time to rethink everything.
She presents a calm enough front, going to Lucy's to pick up Fred then picking Tom up from the school when he gets back from his football camp. He seems to have grown another inch in the week she's been away and she hugs him a little tighter because of it and wonders what he'll think about her and Hardy, especially since it not even six months since Joe had been acquitted and banished.
*/*/*/*/*
Hardy doesn't start to panic until the afternoon.
He doesn't understand why Miller's softened towards him and he wants to just accept it and run with it. But he did that once before, with Tess, and yes, they ended up married and he thought they'd been happy, but it hadn't ended well and it's not like he's a different man than he'd been then. Older, yes, even more cynical, even grumpier, and he's learned his limits when it comes to social graces, but he still likes his silence and getting him to talk somedays is just not worth the effort, so it's not like he's become any easier to live with.
And she's Miller! She still hasn't really forgiven him for stealing her job and he arrested her husband for murder, for God's sake! Plus it's what? Only six months since Joe was acquitted? Six months since they were accused of having the affair they've just taken a step towards? And what about Tom? How's he going to feel about all this...assuming it ever grows to something more than just a kiss in the dark?
He feels light-headed in a way he hasn't since he had the pacemaker put in, and wonders if he's managed to break the thing. He groans, and rubs his hands over his face.
This is worse than when he first fell in love with Tess, he thinks with a grimace. At least he hadn't arrested her husband!
How the hell are they going to be able to work together tomorrow?
*/*/*/*/*
It's almost seven when Ellie snaps.
This is ridiculous, all this anxiety and worry over that bloody, stupid man, she rants silently, even as she stomps up the stairs to Tom's room.
"I have to run across to Hardy's for a minute," she says. "You okay to watch Fred? I won't be long-fifteen, maybe thirty minutes."
Tom looks wide-eyed at her and nods. "Anything wrong?"
She gives him a quick smile. "No, no-just a problem that needs solving before morning, that's all. I'll take my phone, so ring if you need me."
"Awright, Mum."
She pulls on her coat and storms off across the common.
*/*/*/*/*
Hardy knows who's at his back door before he even opens it.
"Miller," he says, cautious and hopeful and nervous all at once.
She gives him a quick smile then says, "You have a minute?"
"Uh, yeah," he says and steps aside to let her in.
She hesitates.
"Daisy home?" she asks, her voice pitched low.
"In her room."
"Can we talk out here, then?"
He hesitates, keeping his face carefully expressionless, then nods. He takes a step towards her and Miller says, "It's chilly. Put a coat on."
He rolls his eyes, but does as she suggested and joins her in the garden. She leads him as far away from the house as she can, on the edge of the dim circle of light thrown out by his porch light.
She starts speaking as she's turning to face him. "Listen, Hardy, about last night..."
Her voice trails off as she gets a good look at his ruefully resigned face.
Hardy's surprised by his disappointment. Considering how he'd been second-guessing everything for most of the day, he would have thought he would only be relieved.
He realizes she's staring. He must be taking too long to say something.
"It's all right," he says quickly. "We don't have to speak of it again." He can't quite bring himself to say it didn't matter, but he can offer her this, at least.
He's startled when she suddenly glares at him.
"Is that what you want?" she snaps.
"Do you?" he snaps back.
Now she looks confused and vulnerable and Hardy has to fight the urge to reach out and pull her into a hug, to tell her everything is going to be all right, they'll figure things out. He's so busy restraining himself that he thinks he's misheard what she's just breathed out.
"Sorry?" he asks.
She clears her throat and says more strongly, "I said, no, that isn't what I want."
He lifts his head, blinking. "Oh. I just assumed that's what you came to tell me."
"You assumed right, but I can't." She drops her gaze to her hands, which are toying with the edges of her anorak.
Hardy stares at her for a long moment while she looks everywhere but at him.
Finally, he growls, "What are you wittering on about now, Miller?"
It seems to be the right thing to say because she draws herself up with a haughty glare, then she makes a rueful face and deflates.
"I came storming over here to tell you it was all a mistake, it never happened, let's just be friends, it'll never happen again."
He nods, every word like a slap, but at least an expected one.
"But..." she takes a deep breath, "I don't want that. I don't know what's going on, but...I like it, and I don't want to run away from it."
"I'm sensing another 'but'."
She nods, feeling miserable. "It's only been six months since Joe was acquitted," she says and blinks back those bloody tears she's so tired of shedding. "Just over a year since he was arrested and everything fell to shite. We were so happy and I loved him so much! Before you arrested him, before he confessed, I thought he was the perfect man. He did everything right, Hardy! We seldom fought, we had a good sex life even if it dropped off a bit over the years, and he was everything the perfect boyfriend and lover and husband is supposed to be! Supportive and loving and-and-perfect! And it was all a lie and I didn't even know it!"
She starts to pace, her hands clutching at her head, as if it's about to fly off at any moment as she continues.
"Going out with Will Seymour would have been easy-a couple of nice meals, maybe a shag or two, but it wasn't going to mean anything! But you! Starting something with you is-it's-it's-it's dangerous! It puts our professional relationship at risk, and that's important, and it puts our friendship at risk, and that's even more important, and-and-and how do I trust what I'm feeling or thinking or wanting about any of this when I was just so stupid before?"
She stops pacing and glares up at him.
"And I suppose you haven't been worried at all, have you? You've probably just spent the day not even thinking about me or-or-worrying at this!"
"Oi, don't start with me! I've been pacing the house all day, going through all the different ways this can go to shite, and thinking we've both run mad!"
She blinks, taken aback, then she smiles. "Yah?"
"Yah." He cocks his head to one side, a puzzled frown creasing his forehead. "Is this the right time for a hug?" he asks.
She gobbles, tripping over deciding whether to call him a wanker, a knob and an insensitive idiot all at the same time or to just say yes and throw herself in to his arms and sob on his shoulder, but before she can get any words out, he simply pulls her to him and wraps his arms round her, one hand warmly cradling the back of her head as he presses her cheek against his chest.
Then he just holds her.
She feels engulfed but not overwhelmed, and his arms are comforting and firm and warm. She hears the beat of his heart, steady and strong against her ear. Her arms creep round him as she closes her eyes with a sigh and relaxes.
He rests his chin against the top of her head.
"Nothing's going to happen that you don't want to happen, Miller," he says, and pressed this close against him, his Scottish brogue feels like a purr. "First off, I'm not Joe."
She snorts a little at that. "Joe wasn't even Joe!"
He makes an amused sound then says, "I mean, you'll never have to worry that I'll be too perfect for you to believe."
She nuzzles a little closer. "I don't know-you're edging dangerously close to it right now."
He leans away enough so he can give her a disbelieving stare. "Have you met me?"
She laughs and he smiles a little then they return to where they were, her cheek once more pressed against his chest.
"Second, there's no hurry. We have plenty of time." Those simple words and the steady beat of his heart makes her catch her breath, suddenly remembering that not that long ago, time was at a premium for him. Her arms tighten round him at the thought.
"So, what are you suggesting?" she says.
"Oh, God, I have no idea! I'm utterly rubbish at this sort of thing," he groans and she laughs again. He sighs. "We just keep doing what we've been doing, I suppose, except...maybe...a little extra every now and then."
"A little extra. Like...kisses and hugs?"
He gives a little shrug. "Would be nice, wouldn't it?" He's silent and his arms tighten round her a little before he adds, "Only when you're ready...if you're ever ready."
She huffs a small laugh. "There you go again, edging awfully close to perfect, Hardy."
"Oi, not bloody likely," he growls and loosens his grip round her. She only moves far enough so she can lift her head and look at him.
"Fine," she says, "you're not perfect. Not that I expected it-I have met you, after all."
He shakes his head with a sigh. "Feel better?"
"Almost."
He frowns, one eyebrow lifting in question.
"I agree with your plan, and to make it official, I think we should seal it with a bit of that 'little extra' you mentioned."
His eyebrow rises higher. "What-another hug?"
She shakes her head, her eyes never leaving his.
His lips curve into a smile. "Ah," he breathes and bends towards her.
This kiss is still sweet, still new, still somehow innocent, and they're still holding back even as they hold each other closer. It's also deep and slow, almost lazily exploring, until they finally ease apart to blink at each other in the half-light-half-dark of the garden.
"I have to go," Ellie almost whispers. "Tom's watching Fred."
Hardy nods and they both shiver in the evening air as he walks her to the gate.
She opens it then pauses and says with a smile, "I like the 'extra'. The 'extra' is a very good idea."
She's rewarded with one of his bright, shining grins.
"Good-night, Miller."
"Good-night, Hardy."
*/*/*/*/*