Chapter five of TMOCS! Here ya go!

"Wheeler, the wolf is here for you! It's going to eat you and then I'm next! Make it stop! Make it go away!"

I sighed as Kaiba struggled to get free of his restraints, which happened to be Yugi and I. Joey was leading us to his car so we could take everybody's favorite stoner to sober up somewhere where teachers wouldn't notice.

Joey unlocked the door to an unsightly Jeep that was almost entirely frigging rust. Yugi took shotgun and I got stuck next to the junkie. He could have an outburst any time, so I was ready to restrain him.

The car's insides were as nasty as its outsides. The seats were torn and stained with various unidentified substances. Crumbs from chips and fast food littered the floor. It smelled like urine – scented cigarettes.

"Sorry about the car. I ain't the most fortunate guy in the world."

"Just get us somewhere far away before the smell rubs off on me!"

Joey groaned and pulled a small key from his pocket and slipped it into the ignition. The jeep sputtered to life and the smell of benzene filled my nostrils. We pulled out of the parking lot and took the road towards the country, sitting in silence save for Kaiba, who spouted terrifying nonsense for an entire fifteen minutes. We stopped near a huge farm house.

"Kaiba's place."

Joey veered the jeep into the grass in front of the house and killed the engine. We all jumped out of the car, glad to be free of the smell of piss and tobacco smoke. Yugi led Kaiba to the door while Kaiba started roaring and screamed about being a dragon.

A boy with green hair answered the door. When he saw junkie boy, he just sighed.

"Alright, what did he get high on this time?"

Gods, could he sound any girlier?

"It was acid."

He slapped himself and muttered something about leaving his drug cabinet unlocked. He turned to me.

"Oh, hey. The name is Noah. I'm Seto's step brother. You can come in with Joey."

Yugi sat on a bench on the porch.

"I'll watch the car."

Joey and I put Kaiba on a dusty brown sofa and gave him some sedatives they had. The house kind of looked like a haunted meth lab. Bottles of painkillers and OTC drugs were stacked on tables and bookshelves. Food wrappers littered on the floor. The house was mostly unlit, thick red curtains drawn and shutters closed. The television was practically the only light source.

"Mokuba, get down here!"

A few boards creaked and a boy with shaggy black hair appeared in the corner of the room.

"Did big brother…?"

"Acid. Blotters. The L. Lucy. LSD. Yes, Mokuba, he's fucking high."

"I know big brother gets it from your stash! And I know your stash is laced with fairy dust! Why don't you just get rid of it?"

"Because that would be a waste."

"Noah, he's schizophrenic and he's a narcissist, and he's got no meds!"

"Which is why, Mokuba dear, I've been trying to make some for him."

"You run a meth lab!"

"I don't like to put the failed experiments to waste. Somebody has to pay for the supplies, and you know father won't do it."

"You just want to wait till he dies so you can do whatever creepy shit you like to me."

"Why, Mokuba, I'm appalled! I have no such desires for my own stepbrother!"

"You're lying, I know it!"

Joey cleared his throat and held up a small pillbox he pulled out of his pocket.

"I actually brought some meds for Seto. They're black market, of course, but they're not from some nobody. I had them checked and verified by this doctor who..."

"Yeah, thanks. We'll give him the meds. Leave now."

Noah snatched the pillbox and put it on a table.

We left the house hastily, and as I shut the door I heard yelling and screaming. I turned to Joey.

"Explain everything that just frigging happened."

"I was Kaiba's dealer before I realized he was mental. Now I'm jus' his doctor."

"You're a drug pusher? What the frigging hell did you give that guy to make him so frigging lifeless?"

"Acid, cocaine, fairy dust. I sold for a gang. I quit though. A friend of mine snapped me out of it."

"Why is there screaming coming from this house?"

"Noah's got a huge brother complex. That's all I can say."

"Is he hitting Mokuba?"

Joey bit his lip.

"Yeah, he probably is."

"Joey?"

"Yeah?"

"Are all of my friends going to be like this?"

"Yeah, probably will. Junkies, dealers, punks, and criminals. That's us."

I blew a raspberry.

"Sounds like I'll fit in just fine."

"Who knows? It's all in the heart of the cards."

"What's that?"

"Have you met Yami?"

"You mean the guy who wants in Yugi's pants?"

Joey looked surprised.

"He does?"

"Yeah, I thought you knew that already."

"No… I did not. Anyways, once he and Kaiba were playing Old Maid and he beat Kaiba. Kaiba and Yami – they're weird. They're friends, but they can't stand each other. Always coming up with insults to throw around at the other… what was I sayin' again?"

"Yami beat Kaiba at Old Maid."

"Yeah, and so Kaiba gets really mad and says Yami's playing with a cheat deck. Yami says he won because the heart of the cards was in his favor. Kaiba says he's going to rip up the whole deck and grabs the ace of hearts and he's about to tear it in half. Yami tells him that tearing the cards up won't kill the heart of the cards and then Kaiba says it's like Yami thinks the cards have feeling. Yami says they do and starts making up a religion about cards and game pieces being gods. Kaiba...you won't believe this…"

"Well?"

"He puts down the card! He believes it!"

"Wow. What an exciting story."

"No. No it isn't."

"I know, Joey. That's the joke."

That's all for now.