"Hey… you seem sort of wound up lately. Is everything ok?" Blue hair bobbed steadily in Suzaku's periphery as he and Rivalz took their second trek around the deck floor. It was late in the evening and Rivalz had inadvertently come across Suzaku while they were both consciously taking walks for "health reasons" but were clearly subconsciously searching for something. It turned out that Lelouch had started taking Nunnally on his nightly walks when the waters were calm enough to do so. And Suzaku, on his own 'health binge,' would constantly find his best friend silently watching the chestnut haired young lady from the deck below. Suzaku once even joined Rivalz under the canopy and partook in a little inconspicuous raven-haired bird watching of his own. The next afternoon, while he lay splayed out, lounging on the deck, Suzaku noted his mind flashing back visions of Lelouch's "Nunnally smile," as he had dubbed it, since he only saw that warmth and affection when the raven smiled at his little sister. Suzaku honestly felt a wave of pity that the sweet girl couldn't bask in visual beauty of that smile, although, if it was at all possible, the warmth was palpable and he was entirely sure that Nunnally could sense the sentiment. However, the brunette also simultaneously felt a confusing mild stitch of longing… wanting to be on the receiving side of that smile.
Suzaku was finding his lingering thoughts on Lelouch more than a little disturbing. Honestly, he figured the fact that he had plunged a knife into his own father left him with a constant fix-it syndrome in which he ached to resolve everything around him in an attempt to stabilize something within himself. Maybe that's why he was so drawn to this boy. Or maybe it was just his fascination with the macabre. Suzaku's curiosity, in a very similar way to his best friends naiveté, was another source his and Rivalz combined or individual antics. But the carnal side of Suzakus desire was the most disconcerting to him. See, he had never been attracted to men, no matter how feminine their figure. Disregarding altogether the notoriety of Lelouch's family as well as the boys abysmal personality… he still had a penis. Like Suzaku had. And whenever the brunette recalled that little fact, any arousal he may have had instantly quelled. It was for that reason that Suzaku just figured it was his overly abundant testosterone and lack of recent fuck-buddies that ended up mingling with his desire to help the raven and inevitably caused those latent desires to spring forth.
Suzaku was stirred back to reality by Rivalz who had now stopped and was standing directly in front of Suzaku, with narrowed eyes that were clearly searching through green forest eyes for an answer to the reticence he was being subjected to.
"Suzaku…? Ahh… I think I know what's up…" Suzaku blushed a bit at the idea of anyone else actually realizing what his inner monologue had been about.
"You're focusing on coming up with the winning nickname for Lelouch, aren't you?! Well, let me tell you what mister, you've got some competition. A lot of the crew are anteing up for the next meet and boy-o-boy-o have I got a dooozy" Suzaku couldn't help but feel a bit bad for their nonchalant assignment of code names, although, most if not all were highly warranted. In fact, most of the subjects of the names deserved to be thrown to the sharks so a nickname seemed relatively tame. But still, sometimes, how a person turns out is heavily dependent on circumstances outside of their control. Suzaku knew that all too well. But at some point, one has to take control of one's own destiny, becoming your own man or woman. Each situation is different though and the young brunette couldn't help but wonder more and more about the dynamics surrounding Lelouch's issues, which had to be pretty drastic considering how he had panicked the other day. 'It must be something significant to unhinge a man that up kept.'
"Suzaku…? Was I right?"
"Oh… right? no, I mean, yea…" If Rivalz was already offering up a prefabricated excuse, why shouldn't Suzaku take advantage and latch on?! "The nicknames… that's partially what I was considering, sure" It made sense. It had been almost a month on board and it was around the three week mark that their ritual usually occurred but Suzaku had neglected to call attention to it the last time, whether that was purposeful or not, he wasn't sure. He was tired that day, plus the stress from letter he had received had been taxing, and lastly, some of the unofficial pseudonyms being circulated were either unoriginal or Suzaku thought they didn't fit well or… some just didn't sit well with him. He had heard Beauty and the Beast or (BB for short) referencing Lelouch's good looks and the fact that he was a beast/monster… speaking of, monster was another, unabashedly unoriginal one. Although, when confronted on the clear mundaneness of the word, the Japanese crew member who had proposed it had switched it up with the Japanese counterpart for monster, bakemono, and that was a bit more popular amongst the masses because the actual definition was ghost or apparition. Lelouch's pale skin, tall and slender figure, and piercing amethyst eyes did all have a sort of ethereal feel to the features. But Suzaku still didn't like 'bakemono,' no matter how much he enjoyed hearing his own language.
"Well look Suzu…" Suzaku immediately turned his attention to his friend at the utterance of his own very rarely used nickname, employed only during grave situations, "I actually have an ulterior motive for tagging along on this walk."
"Wow, it's rare for you to have ulterior motives for anything Rivalz and even rarer or you to call me Suzu, must be important… Sorry about earlier, what's up? I'm fully attentive now, shoot." Emerald orbs studied ash-colored orbs closely.
"Well… I… was assigned to cleaning the galley a few days ago and well… I came across Nun… Lady Nunnally… she actually forced me to call her Nunnally"
"Rivalz… it's not your duty to clean the galley"
"Yea… well… maybe I volunteered…?"
"You switched tasks?" Suzaku shot a look that at the same time showed he had complete faith in his best friend to be the perfect gentlemen yet still held a twinge of fear at his audacity. And possibly a little jealous at his best friends habit of brashly going after what he wants, sometimes without regard to consequences… yet still admirable, it's in own way.
"Uh… well, yes. Is that ok? I know I'm supposed to go through you for that but it was just for one afternoon and Kallen wasn't feeling well or at least, she was faking it to slobber after that Gino guy, man, every girl on this ship is throwing their panties at that guy, they're calling him 'Adonis'… weak, right? I figured he was gay" Rivalz shrugged. Suzaku couldn't help but hate Gino a little.
"Yea, that's lame. And ha, I kinda figured he was too… I wonder why we've got a better radar than they do for that"
"YEA! Did you also pick up on any underlying sexual tension between him and Lelouch?" Ok, now for some reason, Suzaku couldn't help but hate Gino a little more.
"N..no I didn't… anyways, Rivalz, enough with the tangent… what happened with Lady Nunnally?"
"Nothing happened, we just talked… but oh… ohhh Suzaku. It might have been a huge mistake for me to do that not that I regret anything…"
"Oh..no… did Lelouch find you?! He didn't hurt you did he?!" Suzaku looked genuinely concerned. Maybe the brunette was hoping for a reason to tear into Lelouch for something, anything. So that he could find a reason to subdue his fascination with the raven or possibly so he could probe even further into his affairs. Anything but the apprehensive stagnation he was currently enduring.
"God, no… I'm not scared of that guy" Suzaku narrowed one eye suspiciously at his best friend.
"O..ok well, maybe he's a BIT intimidating but… no, the reason is…is… be…because…S..Su.. Suzaku…"
"God Rivalz, spit it out before you force me to pull your tongue out and render you unable to utter another stutter" It was a playful threat between two friends but it didn't seem to help placate the ashen-eyes which were still full of fear and confusion and a hint of something else… oh… no…
"Suzaku… have you ever been in love?" OH. NO. Suzaku stopped in his tracks, subsequently halting the boy next to him as well.
"O… Ok…Ok… Rivalz… we can, we can fix this Rivalz. Damage control, that's what we need now…" Leave it to Suzaku to HAVE to be the logical one and GOD DAMNIT, Suzaku mentally chided himself for not being more attuned to this. Maybe, no, certainly he would have prevented this catastrophe if he hadn't been so preoccupied with his own stupid issues.
"SUZAKU. I'm NOT A CHILD. I know what you're thinking. You don't think I notice how you chaperone me when we go to port or how you're always advising me to the point of intervention and it's not th…" Suzaku's brows furrowed in confusion at the very adeptly prophetic phrase that his best friend just spoke but he interrupted him none-the-less,
"Yea well, it's not as if you don't need it Rivalz… and this situation is a clear indication th…"
"Suzaku… please let me finish, let's have a civilized conversation here, quid pro quo, I won't interrupt you either when it's your turn." Rivalz returned the gesture in an attempt to stifle future interruptions.
"hrmph… fine, but just, God sometimes you're so worldly like when you say things like THAT and other times… just.. fine… go ahead…" Suzaku's hands were in his pockets and his entire being was tense with frustration.
"Well… thank you for that partial compliment and I'm also grateful for all the brotherly affect… love and protectiveness and the advice, man, the advice, you know that you're a hen that lays golden eggs when it comes to advice right? Everyone on the ship thinks so, you're so great at fixing problems…! But… Suzaku… and, really think about this… is love a problem that needs fixing?" Rivalz tilted his head with the query.
"In certain situations, yes."
"Well… that's just… something we inherently disagree on. I personally don't think that there is any situation in which love is not a beautiful and welcome emotion"
"Really Rivalz? How gullibly idealistic. What if you fell in love with your brothers wife? What if you fell in love with a cactus? What if you fell in love with someone whose head was about to be cut off? What if you fell in love with… and listen closely to this Rivalz. What if you fell in love with someone who could nor would ever reciprocate that love?"
"Well Suzu… I think if you fell in love with your brothers wife and she loved you back, that your brother might have to come to terms with a few things and if his wife didn't love you back, then you yourself would. I think that if you love a cactus, you should prepare yourself to have very painful genitalia. I think if you fall in love with someone who is about to be decapitated that you have the next few months/years/or even a lifetime of grief and loss coming up. There's something interwoven in all those cases you provided and that's pain. And Suzaku, I'm not afraid of pain because love is worth the pain or the prospect of pain, shit… the harder and deeper the love, the more painful it will be when it's gone. So Suzaku… and listen to this… if you fell in love with someone who would never reciprocate it… well, then, you… or rather I would have to nurse that broken heart but I'll be damned before I cower away from true love because of the possibility of pain or because of some bullshit societal norms or cultural differences or any terrestrial barrier really because, I think that love is cross-dimensional… it's that strong… and fuck it if that's not worth the risk of life and limb." It seemed as if during his tirde, Rivalz was trying to take the intangible concept of love and force it into his friend through his passionate arm gestures.
". . ."
". . ."
Suzaku was literally speechless. But his eyes betrayed him. Those vert orbs conveyed a newfound respect. One which the brunette was actually happy to have gained because shit, his best friend was maturing right in front of him. Then again, it was a respect that was still stained by the large probability of inevitable pain and hurt from going down that route and… no matter what, Suzaku didn't want that to happen to his best friend.
"You… know… I just don't want to see you get hurt. Brotherly love and protectiveness, remember…?"
"Oh Suzaku, of course I know that! But, well, if this is a mistake, it's one I need to make… and I'm… willing to get hurt. A..are you able to allow that? I know it'll hurt you by extension but… well… that's your own fault for getting so close to me, haha."
"ha..Yeh… I… think I can and.. I think I get it… b..but… that doesn't mean that you're not going to come to me anymore…?" Suzaku never realized how dependent he was on his friend and distancing himself so Rivalz could branch out and grow up a bit had never really crossed his mind until this point.
"Suzaku. Don't be dumb. I'm talking to you about this right now, aren't I? You're… you're the only one who I have that I can talk to about this… about so many things… about any and everything" Rivalz brushed a few tears away. At the sight of his best friends errant tears as well as his last admission, Suzaku couldn't help but blink back a few droplets of his own.
"heh… right… well…uhm… so I..I'm going to go but let's have coffee in the morning? Just us two and we can talk more about this, come to my room before 1st shift tomorrow morning?" Suzaku wanted to provide that distance he and Rivalz so desperately needed, but only at that exact moment and only really so they wouldn't both burst into tears like the hormonal women aboard the ship. Unfortunately due to their profession and the phenomena of women's menstrual cycles synchronizing, the ship had a dedicated calendar to help everyone when it came time for "hell week" +/- a few days and they were well in the midst of it and Suzaku would BE DAMNED before he and Rivalz succumbed to crazy mood swings… out in public!