A/N: Thank you for reading! :)
Whatever it was - Chapter VII
The small rays of sunshine piercing through the thick curtains slowly made their way across the floor and up Noriko's bed, reaching a dark-haired mess that lay under the covers. At least within the warmth of her comforter Noriko felt safe for the time being. She moved the covers over her face once the sun reached her eyes and bringing her knees to her chest she held on to her legs, exhaling a long, tired breath before closing her eyes tightly once more and falling back into much needed rest.
Not too long after Noriko had gotten comfortable again, her tired bones were awoken. Underneath her pillow, her phone vibrated twice with the text message from Youko;
Pick you up in 30!
The former Rosa Gigantea powered off her phone and slowly sat up. Holding the covers around her shoulders she stood up and slowly made her way to the bathroom, only releasing herself from the warmth of the blanket when she finally reached the door. Once standing in front of the mirror Noriko preferred to look away. It wasn't the eyeliner that mixed with last night's tears painted a deep blue trail down the woman's face, nor it was the swollen, red eyes that made Noriko cringe, it was the fact that behind all of the physical damage there were layers of pain and confusion in Noriko's tired orbs. Nevertheless, pain, though small, was the woman's biggest worry.
Noriko showered and changed quickly, threw her hair up in a ponytail, replaced the contact lenses she had forgotten to take off the night before with black-rimmed glasses and walked down the stairs where Sumireko-san was waiting for her; cup of coffee in hand. Noriko thanked the woman and joined her at the table to drink the heavenly liquid while she waited for Youko.
The quietness didn't feel awkward to them; many were the mornings when Noriko had shared a silent breakfast with the older woman across from her. Her aunt's presence alone brought a wave of serenity to Noriko's troubled heart, words were superfluous in the presence of such love and caring.
Understanding very well that Noriko's heart had only belonged to Shimako, the older woman was the main reason Noriko was able to leave Tokyo so suddenly. Watching the younger girl at the time struggling to put one foot in front of the other was enough for Sumireko-san to agree that a change of scenery would help the healing process of Noriko's broken heart.
Youko joined Noriko and Sumireko-san for a cup of coffee and the women spent a good hour talking mainly about Sei and the woman's filter, or the lack thereof. Once the conversation died down, Youko and Noriko headed out, jumping in Youko's car, destination: somewhere Noriko was not very excited to go.
Youko had great taste in clothes – that, no one could deny - and so Noriko's anxieties melted away with every item Youko handed to the soon-to-be professor. The interaction between the former Rosa Chinensis and Noriko was worthy of being recorded. This would be good What Not to Wear episode, Noriko chuckled to herself as she buttoned a blazer over a solid dark-blue shirt.
"We'll be done after this one, Riko," Youko smiled from the changing room as she watched Noriko button and unbutton the jacket, realizing all the younger woman needed was a little push in the right direction. A meddler, Youko could read people quite well and had a very sharp eye when the issue involved any of the Gigantea sisters. She knew Noriko was struggling with much more than just readapting to Japan's culture after so many years. The former Rosa Chinensis understood completely that the main source of Noriko's struggle was Shimako, and the fact that the reason Noriko left Tokyo in the first place hadn't been a nun for several years now.
Youko's heart went out to the woman in front of her; just the idea that there was a large possibility that Noriko would cross paths with Shimako one of theses days, made the always well-put woman take a deep breath and scratch the back of her head.
"Sei's been rubbing off on you, Youko-sama."
Youko, realizing she had bee caught, decided to humor the younger woman, "I'm hoping that's a good thing…" The older woman immediately raised an eyebrow, a bit skeptical of what was coming her way.
Noriko stopped shuffling through a pile of shirts, moving her gaze toward Youko. The former Rosa Gigantea was never one to refrain from saying what was on her mind, no matter how harsh those words would sound, though she was also known for her many positive words of encouragement and willingness to help when her friends needed a push. All in all, in many aspects, Youko and Noriko were very similar.
"Makes people see you in a completely different light," Noriko finally replied.
"Then I guess it was worth waiting for her."
"Sei is a good woman, Youko-sama."
Youko, more than anyone else, knew that Noriko's words were true, though very underrated. Sei played the outcast for so long, when she actually became one she didn't know how to handle things. To have loved so deeply and lost that connection so quickly left the blonde's young heart severely damaged: wounds that even to this day Youko was able to feel. The physical scars, forever carved on Sei's ankles were caressed and kiss every night by Youko's loving lips. The Forest of Briars might not have been written by Sei, like Yoshino once speculated. Nevertheless, Sei had to walk through her own valley of thorns and fight her own demons in order to let go of the ghost of Shiori.
"Hmm hmm." Youko hummed, "Sei is to me what Yumi is to Sachiko and Kanako to Touko. Sachiko and Touko are functioning people by themselves. No one can deny they're very well educated women with a lot of potential, but Yumi and Kanako keep them leveled. And by leveling, I don't mean they hold them back, on the contrary, they contain the downs and help those two with their ups. They make Sachiko and Touko better people, more approachable, less in your face, more human. I do believe that those two changed because they realized that they needed to look at how their actions would affect their relationships before actually making decisions that could result in hurting the women they love and consequently hurting themselves. I was once talking to Sachiko and she mentioned that the majority of the compromises she makes are with herself and not with Yumi. I second her on that. Sei makes me see myself from her eyes, the good and the bad. I'm not saying I don't compromise with Sei. I am saying that the compromises with myself also happen more often because Sei gives me the ability to see the effects of my words and actions on her. It's a complicated matter. Changing and not changing at the same time."
Noriko nodded in understanding, "How much have I changed. I wonder..." she accidentally breathed out the words and Youko was quickly to respond, "Physically or cognitively?"
"I didn't mean to..."
Youko smiled, grabbing a hold of Noriko's hand and assuring that what she was about to say would be words of encouragement, "Riko-chan, You grew up to be a beautiful woman. Many were the times when I heard the girls say you would pass easily by Sachiko's sister. The longing eyes have always been there, but now the hair and the way you carry yourself – well, apart from the hideous jeans, of course – you really came out of your shell. Your essence won't change, Riko-chan, and so you will always be this witty, I-say-whatever-is-on-my-mind pain-in-the-butt. But everything that you have seen so far, in Japan and all of the other places you have visited, those experiences also made you who you are today. To me, though they made you a stronger and more independent woman, they also softened your heart and made you even more adorable – if that was even possible!"
The two women walked out of the store silently after Youko's words. Heading to the parking garage the breeze caressed Noriko's face and made her flyaways dance in the air, "Youko-sa-," she started only to be stopped by the older woman, "Food."
"Ok."
The quick drive took Noriko and Youko back to the same neighborhood they were the night before. Early dinner at Nana's meant no waiting in line for the two friends, and so Youko drove around a few times looking for a parking spot but only found one a few blocks away from the restaurant. The sun still shone and the neighborhood looked quite different during the day than at night, though the technicalities didn't keep Noriko from cringing when she shut the car door and looked around before falling into step with Youko. Each step Noriko took brought back crystal clear memories of the previous night, the chance meeting with Shimako, the drinks and the words that were exchanged. Though hurt and confusion still remained, the sudden realization that she wasn't angry anymore scared Noriko more than the fact that she was at that moment walking past the apartment she visited the night before.
"Riko," Youko whispered, placing her hand on Noriko's back, "We're almost there." The sweet words brought Noriko back from her thoughts and she quickly nodded her head and picked up the pace of her walk. Once inside the restaurant Youko motioned to Noriko to sit at the bar, excusing herself for a second so she could use the restroom. When the former Rosa Chinensis returned Noriko was already half-way through a dark stout Nana had poured her, "You don't waste time, huh, Riko-chan? If you keep it that up - "
"There won't be any left for you? Don't worry, I'll share!" Noriko replied quickly, knowing very well what Youko had meant.
Youko asked for a water and looked at the menu for several long minutes without uttering a sound. She then ordered food for the both of them and turning toward
Noriko, she examined her younger friend for a while before finally asking, "I'm going to assume you're not like this because of the clothes you bought today. Now, please stop me if I am prying too much, but… Are you worried of the possibility of stumbling upon Shimako?"
"I already did."
Youko raised an eyebrow and though no words came out of the former Rosa Chinensis, Noriko figured she needed to tell the tale of the previous night and so she did. She told Youko everything, from holding the door for the three women before heading to Nana's, to the urge she had to go back into the bar, "I knew it was her all along, but I just wanted to be completely sure, when she approached the bar and didn't even realize I was sitting there, I was baffled." Noriko proceeded to tell Youko about the drinks she ordered and then how she ended up at Shimako's apartment. Youko sat there, speechless for the time being, trying to grasp the concept of Noriko's interacting with her Onee-sama after so many years with such calm and composure. "She had no idea you were you?"
"Youko-sama, she called me by Naru and seemed very interested in the crap I was throwing at her. I'm not sure how much she has changed from high school, but I really think she was oblivious to the fact that it was me."
"I didn't know she had moved back to Tokyo. I'm sure Sei would have told me if she knew anything regarding her Petit Soeur… What are you going to do?"
Noriko stared at her food for a second, then sipped on her third beer and smiled looking down as she shook her head, "There's nothing I can do in a situation like this. It's clear that Shimako's heart doesn't belong to me anymore – if it ever really belonged to me at all. Youko-sama, after she joined the Cloister, I saw her face in every girl I talked to. My entire body shook when I saw someone with the same hairstyle walking in front of me. When I closed my eyes, all I could see was her smile. When I was by myself I'd hear her voice… I really think that if I had stayed in Tokyo I would've gone insane. To have had someone like Shimako in my life, whose warm embrace and sweet-spoken words were all I needed to survive, and have lost her to the Cloister, out of everything… I really think it proves that she lied to me when she promised me her heart was mine. Hence, the fact that she looked at me, straight in the eyes last night and couldn't see the same eyes that looked at her years ago and begged her to be open with her feelings."
"Noriko…"
"It's fine! It's completely fine! Looking back, Sei was still the only one of us that was really out. And though we were pretty sure there was something going on between Yumi and Sachiko, that didn't get resolved for years! There was always Yoshino and Rei… but since they were cousins no one really said anything about them. We didn't really have anyone to look up to…a couple we wanted to be like. All we had were stories about Sei and Shiori. To me, it was self-fulfilling prophecy, and though I begged her to trust me and told her things would end up fine, she was too scared to move."
At that moment Noriko had at last realized that it was the first time she had actually voiced how she felt about Shimako joining the Convent. Although, it didn't explain at all why she wasn't angry, the former Rosa Gigantea finally understood what moving on meant. She had finally came to the realization that Shimako's heart wasn't aware of her existence anymore. She also understood the reason why seeing Shimako again didn't shatter her heart for a second time. "It was never mended…" she whispered unconsciously, only to realize what she had done for a second time that day.
Lifting her head to meet Youko's eyes, she didn't wait for a question from the former Rosa Chinensis, "…For so long I thought about seeing her again. Sometimes I would come up with crazy plans to break into the Cloister, hunt her down, wake her up and make her come with me so we could have a chance to be happy. I wanted to shake her, make her see that I was crazy enough to do all of those things because my love for her was everlasting. But then time passed and so I came up with things to tell her, just in case I saw her again. I practiced that speech, repeated those words over and over again in my head because I didn't want to give her the pleasure of seeing my heart break once again. What I never really realized until now is that Shimako would never break my heart again, because it hasn't been mended to begin with…"
Youko listened to Noriko's words attentively and felt a tightening in her chest much similar to what she felt during the years she spent watching her feelings for Sei not being reciprocated. She stood up and told Noriko she was going to step outside with the excuse she needed to call her father. Once outside called Sei, telling the woman to come to Nana's as quickly as she could, "You're going to have to cancel whatever plans you have tomorrow, too," she added, before dropping the call and walking back into the restaurant. As Youko sat back on her chair she motioned for Nana to come over and explained that Sei was on her way to join them and that if need be they would leave their seats for actual patrons. Nana shook her head saying they could stay there till they wanted to as Youko as well as Sei held keys to the place. Sometimes, the perks of being someone's lawyer really made life much easier. Nana turned around after the conversation ended and poured Noriko her fourth stout, then handed Youko a glass of wine, "Do we also need shots?" The former Rosa Foetida asked her two friends, "You read my mind, Nana-chan!" Youko replied.
Half-an-hour later Sei walked in, wet hair, glasses, a pair of dark-wash jeans and a black t-shirt. Youko spotted the blonde and watched as she made her way through the few tables and finally stood behind the Rosa Chinensis' chair – Youko was and would always be Sei's Rosa Chinensis. Youko's heart pounded against her chest and she could feel the rush of blood that painted her cheeks red. Sei leaned toward the bar and Youko inhaled the scent of the woman she loved. She didn't want to make a big deal out of Sei's presence, as doing so would probably hurt Noriko even more, so Youko sat there, sipping on her wine with the poise only a Red Rose had. "Can I buy you a drink, pretty girl?" Sei teased. "No, you dirty old man!" Youko replied. Reaching forth, Sei grabbed a hold of Youko's lips and only let go of them quickly so she could finish the joke, "then this old man will settle for a kiss."
Sei hugged Noriko and asked Nana for two wells and a shot, claiming she had some catching up to do, "So, I hear we're making decisions tonight that will be regrettable in the morning," Sei took her shot and lifted both her drinks up, "I'll piss myself and lose my shoes if it means I get to spend some quality time with my favorite people!"