A/N: I'm hoping everyone is doing well!

There's a bad word in this chapter - I apologize for it, but felt as if it was needed. Plus, if you have seen "Little Miss Sunshine" before, you'll know whom I borrowed the sentence from and I hope it makes you laugh.

Once again, thank you, thank you, thank you for taking the time to read this.

Whatever it was - Chapter X

Some may say that while happiness strikes some people multiple times, darkness follows others incessantly; others think that people make their own hell by burying themselves deeper and deeper into sorrow. Noriko was unsure where she stood regarding such opinions. She was never one to go down without a fight; however, she felt stuck in a everlasting tug-of-war with her own heart.

So many people found love in college, at work, walking aimlessly the streets of Tokyo on a Tuesday night, standing in line to pay a bill, or on the way home after a long day of work. Unfortunately, Noriko wasn't like so many people, and as she sat alone at a coffee shop at half past five in the morning, she couldn't help but think about all of the people in her life and how their connectedness was so strong, and how she couldn't imagine life without any of those special people that individually were worth so much but collectively were incomparably invaluable.

The thought of a Yamayurikai existing without all of the collection of roses was unfathomable. To think that Nana's restaurant could run without the help of Rei, Youko, Sachiko or even Sei was unfathomable. The fact that Noriko was gone for so long and still belonged to the group as if she had only left for a couple of days was enough proof that Lillian was a magical place: responsible for bringing together the most unique hearts. A place where there was no need for strict rules of conduct because the soeurship took care of it. Ultimately, Lillian was a place that fostered unconditional trust. The Yamayurikai was there to once again prove that the bonds created within the Lillian gates were not only bound by a simple red string of fate; those women were brought and remained together because of how deeply they loved.

Noriko gathered her thoughts leaving the café and crossing the road toward Tokyo University's campus. The streets were quiet; fall had finally arrived taking away the warmth and humidity of the summer and bringing along a cooler breeze. Noriko looked to the not-so vibrant greens, dull yellows and dark reds that covered the branches of all trees, making that time of the year all the more beautiful in her eyes.

She sat on the steps that lead to a certain building; one which would house her books and belongings for at least six months. Walls which would witness either prosperity or complete disaster to Noriko's professional life. But that early in the morning, the only things that really interested the young scholar were how the multicolored leaves paired perfectly with the red brick buildings.

It was indeed one flawless Fall day, and the combination of colors, temperature and the synchronized sway of the leaves; the sum of all those parts, that, somehow mesmerized Noriko at that moment in her life, where she didn't know whether to keep burying herself deeper in the faded memories of a decade-old failed love, or finally come to terms with the fact that there was no one on the face of the Earth, not even Shimako herself, that could mend that heart any more. And so, perhaps it was time for her to own that brokenness like a good Lillian maiden would own her responsibilities, accomplishments and failures.

She had failed, Noriko concluded at last.

Eyes closed, she inhaled deeply all of the air she could gather inside her lungs. And right there, sitting on the steps of that old building, she finally felt okay with losing the war. For almost ten years she couldn't come to terms with the fact that there was nothing she could have said or done to make Shimako stay. And for almost ten year she blamed herself for not being able to offer Shimako more than her entire heart when what she had offered was worth more than anything anyone had ever presented Shimako.

Noriko's coffee grew cold as her eyes glazed over. Her surroundings became just another blur, and so she didn't hear when a voice echoed across the empty path, "Naru." A soft hand reached over and touched Noriko on the shoulder, tentatively, "Naru…"

Noriko blinked, adjusted her glasses and looked up toward the voice to find Shimako standing across from her with arms full of books, a shy smile adorning her face.

"…"

"Shim– Todou-sensei."

"I didn't mean to startle you."

"Anyone would have." Noriko said, standing and walking to a trashcan adjacent to her to throw her coffee cup away.

"My mind seemed to have wandered far away from here," she finished, returning to sit at the steps and watching as Shimako did the same after piling her books neatly to the side.

"How long have you been sitting here?"

"I'm not sure, probably an hour or so."

"Couldn't sleep?"

Noriko shook her head.

"Me neither."

"…"

"Would…would I interest you in a cup of tea?"

Noriko sat there for a few seconds looking straight at the hazel eyes in front of her, Once a Lillian girl, always a Lillian girl, she thought. There was always time for tea, there was always room for tea. There couldn't be a meeting without tea, there couldn't be a conversation without the goddamned fucking tea.

Noriko had switched to coffee long ago.

She never really liked the aftertaste of tea; the obnoxiously sweet smell of the fruit or flower flavored ones, the memories that brewing tea brought her.

Not receiving the response she expected from the woman sitting by her, Shimako pressed forward, "I can also fetch you a cup of coffee. Many of our professors like it better than tea."

"Coffee," Noriko started, "I'll take coffee," she finished, completely ignoring whatever else Shimako had said.

"OK, then. Coffee it is," Shimako stood up, grabbed the pile of books and walked up the stairs toward the doors of the large building.

"Coming?" she turned and asked.

"And where must we go?" Noriko fell into step with Shimako, grabbing the stack of books from the blonde's hands.

"Inside," Shimako answered.

Noriko found herself sitting alone in Todou-sensei's office, which was tucked in neatly in a corner between a couple of Sociology professors. Noriko looked around, completely not surprised by the amount of books taking over Shimako's book cases: first and second-year Cultural and Physical Anthropology textbooks, several other Biological Anthropology dissertations and textbooks on Sociology, Culture and Diversity. Diversity; who would have thought that Todou Shimako would even think of diversity, let alone read about it? For what it was worth, the only place Noriko thought Shimako could at least, somewhat, maybe belong in Anthropology was Archaeology… fossils and rocks, how childish, Noriko, put yourself together, woman, she admonished herself before continuing to analyze the remaining academic works Todou-sensei appreciated: an entire section on LGBTQ rights and cultural movement, Noriko wasn't impressed again. Although Shimako had left to get drinks for little less than five minutes, the dark-haired woman felt uncomfortable.

As she decided to sneak out of the office and began her journey toward the exit, a familiar voice stopped her before she could reach the door, "Nijou-sensei," the Dean of the Social Science Department spoke, " I wasn't expecting you until next week!"

"I…" Noriko turned around to face the older man, "I was visiting with a friend of mine, sir."

"I had no idea you had a faculty friend! What a great coincidence!"

"Yes, sir. A great coincidence indeed."

From behind the Dean, Noriko spotted Shimako, who walked toward her office with two cups, then quickly as if a magic trick had happened, she stepped out, hands-free.

"Itou-sensei," Shimako started as she approached the acquaintances, "I see you waste no time at harassing beautiful women," she joked.

"My, my, Shimako. Only when they are also scholars!"

"Itou-sensei!"

Shimako's smile made her eyes spark. Itou-sensei had become not only a mentor but a friend to the blonde. The older man had told Shimako once that in order for people to grow, they should be able to find someone to walk side-by side with, someone they could count on as a mentor and also someone they could guide. The blonde had already realized while still at Lillian that Itou-sensei's advise was a hard one to accomplish; nevertheless, she took a leap of faith and entrusted many of her secrets to the Dean – much like she had once done with Sei. He, in exchange, accepted Shimako's honesty with open arms and offered words of encouragement. To the woman who once had given up on the wonderful life she had built, Itou-sensei's acceptance and guidance meant getting back at least a small portion of what Shimako once had in abundance.

"I see I don't need to go through the trouble of introducing you two as I believe you already know each other," Itou-sensei started, "I have no reservations when I say that Nijou-sensei will be a wonderful addition to our division." He looked straight into Noriko's eyes, "I am very happy you are one of us, my dear."

"…"

Noriko stood there, taking in the sincere recognition of her capabilities, but also preparing herself to whatever was coming her way.

"I… I believe she will indeed, sir," Shimako's voice cracked.

"Then I will let you ladies catch up."

Noriko stood across from Shimako waiting for Itou-sensei to turn the corner.

"…"

"Could we please not do this in the middle of the hallway?" Noriko asked.

Footsteps echoed across the hallway as two estranged hearts beat in discord. The exit door opened and closed and Itou-sensei was yet again alone in the faculty building.

"How long were you planning on waiting, Noriko?"

Noriko heaved a deep breath, her hair dance to the rhythm of the leaves connected to the trees. Her bangs swayed from side to side and as Shimako turned toward Noriko, the younger Gigantea sister couldn't help but picture the first time she saw Shimako standing under the dancing branches of a Cherry Blossom tree.

Maria-sama.

It was Maria-sama yet again.

At that time, though, Noriko knew better.

"Waiting?" She played dumb.

"To tell me!"

"Tell you what?"

"That you… were you!"

"Shimako-sama…" Noriko started, "I'm not the one who has forgotten your face."

Shimako took a step toward Noriko, grabbing on to both of her hands,

"You were all I saw, Riko! The year I spent locked up in the Convent… you were all I saw in my dreams, in other people, in my own reflection: your face, your hair, your fingers, your legs, your smile…"

"Shim—"

"Let me finish… P-please…"

"…"

"When I left the Convent… I looked for you everywhere in Tokyo. When I couldn't find you, I reached out to the girls, Sei, Youko, Yumi, even Rei. They wouldn't tell me anything. I thought you were still in Japan, so I traveled around, visited every major shrine in this country. Every dark-haired girl, to me, had your face. I was going insane, and Sei, so perceptive, finally told me you weren't in the country anymore. I got to a point where I couldn't face the girls – they were a constant reminder of Lillian, of the Sakura trees, of you… And so when I left Tokyo I also left you behind, thinking you would never return because of me. I thought I would never see your face again. I knew I would never see you again, and that's why, Noriko, that's why when I saw you, I couldn't believe it was you, and when you said your name was Naru I berated myself for even for one second wishing it could've been you."

And so, Noriko listened as Shimako held her by the hands, trying to explain at least a tiny portion of her side of the story.

"I'm not sure… where to go from here, Shimako-sama."

Noriko was speaking the truth. No matter how much she had thought about confronting Shimako, she couldn't figure out what to do next. She had just, a few hours prior, realized that it was time for her to move on, and there was Shimako again, trying to destroy Noriko's resolve, trying to break down her walls, trying to reach for her heart once more.

Shimako wanted to tell Noriko everything. That not listening to the dark-haired woman was a mistake, that following through with her plan was the worst thing that she could've done to herself and consequently to Noriko. That she missed Noriko's smile, her voice, the softness of her hands, the warmth of her embraces. Though, no words came out of the blonde's lips.

Noriko finally broke the silence, "That night, do you remember that night?"

"How could I ever forget?"

The night before Shimako left for the Cloister, Noriko, with help from Yumi and Sei had gone to Shimako's house to try and stop the girl from leaving. Noriko pleaded, "How can you let a promise you made yourself as a child destroy what we have?"

She tried, with a long, drawn out 17-year-old rationale, to make Shimako understand that what they had was the real deal. That no matter what people said, love didn't see gender, nor color, or religion. That all true love really needed to flourish were two hearts bound to one-another and a promise, "My heart belongs to you and I know yours belongs to me. Take this leap of faith with me. I promise you, Shimako, my heart will always be yours."

Shimako didn't say a word regarding Noriko's request and politely asked the young Rosa Gigantea to leave. The blonde couldn't break the promise made to God before Noriko came around, a promise she would love and serve Him and no other for the rest of her life. Christianity had kept her afloat for so long, changing her mind wasn't even an option. Changing her mind because of a promise of love made by a child – a girl – that could have never been the reason why Shimako would renounce a life of Christ-like work.

What Shimako didn't take into consideration was a simple, yet extremely important gift God himself gave humankind: free-will. Shimako, as intelligent as she was, at that moment, was too dense to see that God had created everything upon this Earth with perfect hands, not letting one molecule stray away from perfect systems, plants, animals, oceans, microorganisms. God had created everything flawlessly, God had created Shimako, God had also created Noriko. Perfect human creations: ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes, two ears, one nose, one mouth and one heart. One heart to love, regardless of stereotypes and gender taboos that society, and not God, had created, and men had intentionally miss-translated and added to a book that later had given meaning to everything Shimako thought was true and right.

"I offered you everything I had. I poured my heart out to you, begged you to stay, made a fool of myself in front of my frien—"

"I was wrong."

"…"

"I was wrong! Okay?"

A young Shimako couldn't comprehend love. She couldn't admit that she had fallen for Noriko. A young Shimako plowed through her feelings, fought the inability to understand the difference between having to do something and choosing to do something. Life, in her eyes, unfortunately, was either black or white. She only understood gray when she was faced with the loss of Noriko.

"I should have stayed. I should have. I should have ran away with you…"

"That's when you're wrong, Shimako-sama."

"…"

"Running away would have only made things more difficult."

Noriko went on to explain to Shimako that they could've done things the right way. They would have hid for a while, went on dinner dates and shrine visits before gathering enough courage to tell their parents. "By then, Rei and Yoshino would have been out, which would have made things easier." Sei and Youko would've been dating also, which would have made their families blame Sei for corrupting them –Sei would have proudly taken the blame for it. Life would have unraveled itself in a midst of a shy first kiss followed by many other deeper ones, of long embraces proceeded by the discovery of bare skin, of burning desires; all in its own accord. However, there they were, mere acquaintances, trying, somehow to own it, whatever it was.

"…Then, let me try again. Let me mend what's been broken."

"And how do you plan on doing that?"

"Get to know me again… Let me take you on a date - one we never really had, with a real dinner, a real walk around the bar district; everything. If it's not of your liking, then I'll let you be. I won't bother you any more. I promise."

The wind, stubbornly yet gently continued to blow. The leaves danced in front of Noriko; some scared of detaching, of flying away, of losing themselves into the streets; others, deciding to take a chance and letting go. Noriko smiled, comparing herself to those leaves as they both had a resolve of their own, to remain attached until there was no more strength to hold on to the branches that once secured them; until time and circumstances had corroded and weaken their fibers to a point where persisting wasn't necessary any longer.

Noriko freed her hands from Shimako's, "I'm sorry Shimako-sama." It was her time to let go, to finally break free from the last fibers that connected her heart to the blonde's. She was finally owning it.