'I should have kissed her.'

Her first thought upon waking was identical to her last thought before falling asleep.

'I should have kissed her.'

Especially now, given that the perception probably existed that she already had. She'd been so careful, so fixated, always trying to maintain an appropriate demeanor around the Asari archaeologist. All of that was out the window now. She allowed herself half a smile. If nothing else, the look on Alenko's face might just have been worth it. It also should spare her any more of his fumbling attempts at trying to charm her. The lieutenant was a good man, a dedicated soldier, but he just didn't have that spark she demanded in someone she would consider for a relationship.

That thought gave her pause. Was that the criteria she had been judging him on? No wonder she'd kept finding him to be wanting. He'd been hoping for the impossible from her. She wasn't looking for emotional ties. At least, she never thought she had been. Avoiding relationships had been her modus operandi for her entire adult life. Now that she found herself to be entangled in one, she had spent most of her energy being more concerned with how it looked than with how it felt. That had allowed her to focus on maintaining her commander's mask, had permitted her to push down her fear of what had been growing between her and Liara. Even now, she realized that yesterday was the first time that she had allowed herself to fully acknowledge that a romantic relationship with Liara was not a matter of if, but a matter of when.

She pushed the thought out of her mind as she forced herself to concentrate on her priorities. This was going to be an eventful morning. After breakfast she needed to work with Tali on possible methods of breaking the Normandy's lockdown. There had to be a fallback plan in case Anderson wasn't successful with the ambassador. As unlikely as was that Tali would succeed, depending on the young Quartan engineer's skill was the only other option that Shepard had been able to come up with so far. She hated to be dependent on others to get her ship away from the dock, but in this case she had precious few alternatives. To make matters worse, breaking lockdown was going to be the easy part. Once they were on their way they had to have methods to bypass the Geth flotilla they would likely encounter at Ilos. When they reached on the surface of the planet, there would likely be a second showdown with Saren. Additionally, she had to coordinate intelligence with Admiral Hackett as there were no assurances that Sovereign would remain in the Refuge system while Saren maintained his search.

But again, her mind drifted to the occupant of the lab behind the medbay.

She stopped to refocus. They needed to be ready. There were preparations to make, plans to execute. The commander's mind raced as she considered possible strategies, formulated optimal distribution of resources. She evaluated her current physical condition, the preparedness of her team, and tried to guess the likelihood that Saren had been able to locate the conduit.

And now a new layer of consideration had been added to the mission, a personal one.

'Once this mission is over we can get to the real priority, preparing for the Reapers.' Shepard imagined Liara at her side, providing proof of the Reaper's existence to the Council. She pictured herself working with Denai to help Liara prepare House T'Soni and Thessia to prepare for the Reapers' arrival. She closed her eyes, but the mental image of Liara remained. 'No, I don't have it bad at all,' she thought sarcastically.

"I don't know where this is going," she'd said when she'd lied to Liara last night. Well, she knew where she wanted it to go at least. She was hopeful that she was correct in thinking that Liara wanted the same. This was so new for her. She's always focused on the mission, on the objective. She'd never before cared about after. After was just that time when you nursed your wounds, shared some drinks, and speculated about your next orders. Now she wasn't in all that big a hurry to see what those next orders entailed. She looked forward to some leave, and hoped that after meant time with Liara, on a planet she was sure that the young Asari would want her to come to think of as home. Shepard snorted. No problem there. It had barely been ten days since the first time she laid eyes on the T'Soni estate. Despite that, images of the coastal mansion, the dense forest, and the spires of Armali had all replaced the rolling farmland of Mindoir in her mind when she thought of "home".

She shook her head as a new thought reverberated through her mind.

'I am an idiot.'

Shepard opened her eyes, and pushed herself to her feet, reiterating her regret one last time.

'I should have kissed her.'

.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Even though she was the most at peace she'd been since departing Thessia, Liara had slept only briefly.

Shepard had initially been difficult for the maiden to understand, but had welcomed her into the team shortly after Liara had come on board. There had been something between them even then. The commander had been unexpectedly compassionate with her when the young archaeologist had been confused, uncertain, and embarrassed in her interactions with the human crew. Shepard had helped her navigate her unexpected freedoms and responsibilities as a member of the spectre's team. The commander had believed in her loyalty despite her relationship to Benezia, and defended her to all who believed otherwise. Liara in return had been captivated with the soldier, eager to impress her, to prove her worth.

If she had ever managed to do so, she was unaware of the fact. Yet Shepard had taken the naive archaeologist under her wing. The spectre had seen to her training, had encouraged her even as they built a friendship, and continued as the friendship so quickly transformed into something more. Finally the commander had taken her to confront Benezia, and had taken it upon herself to end Benezia's life when Liara had proven unable to do so. In the turmoil afterwards, she returned with Liara to Thessia for Benezia's release. When the young Asari assumed the mantle of head of House T'Soni, Sarah had stood by her as cari'ssi'mi when she ascended. The commander had continued to support the maiden as she'd set new goals and adjusted the organizational structure of the House. During the entire time on Thessia, Liara had sensed herself growing ever closer to the spectre, and had felt Shepard grow closer to her in return.

Her perceptions had started to come unraveled almost immediately upon their return to the Normandy. It seemed their relationship had reset itself. She had allowed Shepard to become her anchor. When that bond was suddenly in question, her reality had started to crumble. Her strength to lead her House, her plans to prepare for the Reaper attack, had all proven dependent on the strength she drew from having Shepard at her side. When Shepard had appeared to distance herself, had resumed referring to her as "doctor", it felt like Liara's world was sliding off its axis.

But now her delight in interacting with Shepard wasn't interlaced with uncertainty for the first time since coming back on board. Her misgivings had been appeased by the commander's reassurances. Liara no longer feared that she was alone in this turmoil of emotion. Whatever storm was coming, they would navigate it together.

She had been only too eager to catch up on her communications with Iryra as she continued to prioritize House business. Honestly, she was too delighted to sleep anyway. She was looking forward to the next mission in a way she never had anticipated one before. To visit Ilos was a professional dream come true. A dream, that along with the knowledge revealed to Shepard by the beacons, that could substantiate all of her research, and might even include the additional benefit of providing information they could use against the Reapers.

She had faith in Shepard. They would free the Normandy and be on their way to Ilos. Saren would be defeated. Shepard's sense of duty would be appeased enough to allow the spectre to assist in preparing House T'Soni for the arrival of the Reapers. This night had been the first time that Liara had ever truly allowed herself to imagine Shepard at her side as House T'Soni was adapted to what might very well turn into a wartime footing. The notion of Shepard's impending participation allowed Liara to believe that she might be successful in preserving her House after all.

All of Iryra's correspondence had been answered. Nothing remained outstanding from her, Denai, nor Alaya. Liara had addressed the needs of her House as best she could for the moment. One major priority complete, Liara glided through her morning routine while waiting for it to be time for breakfast.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.

As Liara stepped into the medbay, Dr. Chakwas turned in her chair, and looked up at the maiden. The doctor's unexpected smile was dazzling, and lit up her entire face.

"Good morning, my dear." The doctor's tone indicated she believed it was a very good morning indeed.

"Good morning, Karin" Liara responded, suddenly finding herself trepidatious at the Human's effusive greeting. "You seem to be in very good spirits, given our current situation."

"And aren't you my dear? It seems you managed to get what you were hoping for."

Liara's stomach sank to her feet as she realized that she was the reason behind the doctor's good cheer. Although Liara had given a great deal of thought to a relationship with the commander in the context of Thessia, Armali, and the T'Soni estate, she had thought little of the ramifications of a public romance while on the Normandy. She suddenly found Shepard's behavior towards her to be a great deal more understandable. Behavior that the spectre had no doubt decided to change due to Liara's morose attitude recently displayed any time the commander was in her presence.

She decided to feign incomprehension. She took an overly inquisitive tone. "What do you mean?"

If anything, the Human doctor's smile grew even wider. "The new shipboard gossip, of course. Scuttlebutt has it that the commander is 'taken', so to speak." The doctor paused for a sip of her tea. "If anything could snap Jeff out of his funk, this was it. He hasn't stopped talking about it all morning."

Liara put her hand to her face. She wondered why she had found it so easy to lay claim to Shepard when challenging Sha'ira, or even Tevos, yet was so easily embarrassed about being seen as having feelings for the commander in front of the Normandy's crew.

"I am certain that you must have misunderstood, Karin." The hand remained over her eyes as she avoided looking at the doctor. "There have been no 'formal declarations' between Shepard and I. The commander is her own woman." It wasn't completely a lie. The subtle gesture of affection the commander had demonstrated in Lt. Alenko's presence could hardly be considered a formal declaration.

The doctor chuckled in response. "Her own woman who allows you to lead her around like she was on a leash you mean?" Chakwas shook her head at how inexperienced Liara was in matters of the heart. And she'd thought Shepard was hopeless. "The two of you thought you had been so careful to conceal any signs of attachment. You never considered how apparent your commitment to each other is to anyone who cares about either of you. That is a group that, among others, includes the entire crew of the Normandy."

Liara decided to hold her rather dubious position. "You and I have discussed my concerns about Shepard's inability to act on her feelings, publicly at least. My unease has not changed in that regard."

If anything, Dr. Chakwas' already wide smile widened further. "Even after last night? Kaidan seems to believe he received a rather clear message about Shepard's relationship status."

"Oh?" Liara took a deep breath. "Yes, the lieutenant did join us in the mess briefly last night. I presume he mentioned it?"

Chakwas laughed. "Oh he definitely mentioned it. I'm surprised something like this didn't happen before now, as often as the two of you had had your late night rendezvous over Shepard's cooking. Anyway, I'm not just the ship's doctor these days Liara, it seems I've also become the bartender. It's amazing how many people will seek you out when they know you keep Serrice Ice Brandy in your private stock." She paused. "I heard the whole story Liara, at least from his perspective. Don't worry, he didn't imply that there was any impropriety. He simply told me that you were having dinner with the commander, and as that far as the lieutenant was concerned, she made no effort to hide the fact that it was more than more than just a social occasion."

"The lieutenant was not judgmental?"

"Oh he was crushed, but he wasn't judgmental." Chakwas continued before the the inquisitive look on Liara's face gave rise to another question. "He's done a poor job of hiding the fact that he had feelings for the commander as well, Liara. The commander had never done anything to encourage it, but I think he always had hope, at least until last night."

Liara looked crestfallen. "You mean, if I had not remained on board..."

Dr. Chakwas quickly interjected. "Not at all my dear. Nothing would ever have happened between Shepard and the lieutenant, no matter what may or may not have happened with you. Shepard would never have allowed herself to enter a relationship with an Alliance officer in her chain of command. Kaidan knew that all along. If anything, it was your presence on board the Normandy that gave him hope."

"He believed that Shepard would select to enter a relationship with a fellow Human over one with an Asari?" Liara was starting to find the Human penchant for bigotry to be wearisome.

"Nothing like that my dear. It's just that he had never seen Shepard in love before. None of us had. You have no basis for comparison of course, but the commander has been a different person since Therum. She's still every bit the soldier, tactician, and negotiator she was before, but she's different nonetheless. She came back from Therum with stars in her eyes. Even Anderson has noticed the difference in her." The doctor took another sip of her tea. "He's quite pleased with you, by the way. He definitely approves of the effect you've had on his protégé."

Liara felt her stomach perform yet another another somersault at "in love". "I believe she has had more impact on me than the other way around," she said quietly.

"In either case, I think we can consider your message to have been received." Chakwas paused again while she waited for what must have been the young Asari's fifth or sixth blush this morning to subside. "I'm proud of you, my dear. You apparently let Shepard know what you wanted clearly enough for her to feel comfortable acting on her feelings."

Liara gave the doctor a mildly cynical grin. "I believe any indication would have worked. I suspect that she was beginning to get impatient with waiting."

"Perhaps. Not that she would have said anything. She's still a novice at this. Still, the fact that she was able to tell you that your feelings are as important to her as how she's perceived by the rest of the crew tells me that she's off to a good start."

Liara cocked her head as she she felt the blood rise to her cheeks once more. "Was Jeff eavesdropping on us? That um, disclosure, was after Lt. Alenko left the mess."

Chakwas' smile returned yet again. "Oh no, that was from Shepard herself. She was in here about an hour ago. She came in to have her ribs checked. She's healed well enough to have her bandages removed, and I used the opportunity to tease her fairly mercilessly. I suspect she's waiting for you to join her and the squad for breakfast by now."

Liara glanced quickly from the doctor to the chronometer. It was already 10 minutes after oh seven hundred. 'Goddess,' thought Liara as she turned to the door from the medbay. She could only wonder what spectacle awaited her in the mess.

.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.

Shepard had been uncertain what to expect, but it probably should have been this. The doctor's response had been bad enough. Breakfast with the squad had been an order of magnitude more annoying. The discussion so far had been... animated, to sat the least.

"Of course she chose her! Blue's a competent fighter and noble born as well. A worthy choice of mate for a warrior of Shepard's stature. You think she'd have picked you Turian? Shepard's a solder. She wants a challenge! Someone who can match her in battle. Not someone who stands back in a fight and lets others do the real work."

Shepard massaged the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger, attempting to ward off the headache she could already feel building there.

"Thanks for the backup Wrex, but I haven't "picked" anyone to be my... mate or otherwise. We're just going to see where we go from here. Anything that happens will be as much Liara's choice as mine."

"I think we know her choice Commander," Kaiden dropped in between mouthfuls of food as Shepard gave the lieutenant a hard look in return.

"It's all very romantic," added Tali. "How often do the stories where you rescue the princess actually happen?"

Shepard looked at the giddy Quarian over her coffee. "I didn't know your people even had those stories Tali."

"Of course we do Shepard. Part of the pilgrimage is to not only benefit the Migrant Fleet, but also to prove your worth to the family of a potential partner you might fancy. Assisting a follow Quarian who encountered difficulty on their pilgrimage has almost become an anecdotal way for young couples to meet."

Shepard jumped at the chance for a subject change. "Does that mean you have someone waiting at home Tali? Someone who is waiting for the results of your pilgrimage?"

"No Shepard, I'm fairly young to be on my pilgrimage. I didn't leave anyone behind. My father is an admiral remember, which is problematic given the type I tend to be attracted to."

Shepard waited a moment for the Quarian to continue before prompting "And that type is?"

The commander could almost sense Tali's blush even through her enviro suit before she continued. "Soldiers."

The commander's eyebrows lifted at this disclosure. "I could see that being a problem. Dating the admiral's daughter can't be easy for a young officer."

Wrex looked back and forth from Shepard to Tali, visibly displaying his annoyance at the diversion, not realizing that Liara had walked up behind him. He raised his voice to resume his discourse. "That's all fine, but we're talking about Blue here." He turned to give his attention to Shepard. "She has powerful biotics, and good birthing hips to boot. She'll give you many fine children." He paused before continuing, as if realizing that the maiden's age could be an issue. "She's also well able to help protect them as needed."

Shepard, for her part, just looked on in horror as Liara stood silently behind Wrex, an expression on the Asari's face that defied an easy description. The commander decided that intervention was required before the situation deteriorated even further. "Liara, I've been waiting for you. I hope you're hungry, we have a busy day ahead."

Liara gave the commander a look that Shepard found more than a little uncomfortable. "A day where I will be busy producing 'many fine children' for you?"

Shepard waved her arm to encompass the occupants of the table as she rose to join Liara. "Enough you miscreants. Say anything you want to me, but leave Liara alone." Her next comment was to Liara. "Ignore them. All this commentary is just their way of harassing me." Tali and Garrus chuckled at the comment, while Wrex just looked confused. Kaidan maintained his dour look, which only served to reinforce Shepard's protective instincts as she moved to direct the Asari out of the line of fire.

Liara looked at Shepard as the commander took her by the arm to lead her to the morning's breakfast selections. "I did not expect our relationship to become an object of speculation this morning."

Shepard released Liara as she grabbed a plate to press into the Asari's hands. "Apparently our relationship has been an object of speculation for some time. Tali's been overjoyed. She can't wait to start pestering you for details about our 'torrid romance.' "

Liara paled. "Shepard, I'm not sure..."

"Shh." Shepard put a finger to Liara's lips. "Sorry about that, it was just an expression. I've gotten caught up in the teasing I've been getting all morning."

Liara hung her head. "I am sorry I pressured you to be more overt. I know you care about me, but when came back to the ship and you kept referring to me as "doctor", it frightened me. I was afraid that nothing we shared in Armali had been what I believed." She took a breath. "When I was talking to Karin this morning was the first time I realized that I had not prepared for the ramifications of you expressing feelings for a member of your crew."

Shepard laughed. "I've been 'expressing feelings' for a certain member of my crew for a while, Liara. I've been foolish not to realize it. Just because we haven't been engaging in any public affection doesn't mean that we haven't been demonstrating how we feel in other ways." Shepard moved her hand back to Liara's arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Yes, there are going to be awkward moments, but they're going to be worth it." The commander turned her attention to the food before them and started making her selections. "But I meant what I said. We do have a busy day ahead."

Liara followed Shepard's lead, and started putting food on her plate. "Have you heard from Captain Anderson yet?"

"Not yet," replied the commander as she started back to the table. "But it's still early. He wasn't scheduled to meet with Udina until oh nine hundred."

Liara returned to the table as well, and realized for the first time that her usual seat next to Wrex was occupied by Kaidan. That left only the space next to Shepard unoccupied, which the Asari slid into self-consciously. She could feel the eyes of the entire squad on her, reminding her of her first shipboard meal after Therum. 'Of course Kaidan isn't in his usual seat,' she thought. 'He would be the one to draw attention to Shepard's connection to me."

"No, it wasn't Kaidan," said the commander as if reading her thoughts.

"It was me," interjected Tali, "I'm so happy for you!" The excitement of the young Quarian was contagious, and Liara felt herself starting to become slightly more at ease.

Shepard allowed herself a smile, trying to put an admonishing tone in her voice even as she enjoyed Liara's proximity. "I hope you can keep that mood going Tali. As soon as we're done, it's down to the computer core for you to break that lockout. We leave for Ilos today even if Wrex has to get out and push."

A/N: Assumptions here include:
FemShep/Liara (Not yet LI, but oh so close)
Later ME1 - after Feros, Noveria, Virmire and this is the 6th story of the Cari'ssi'mi series

Shepard is:
Colonist / Vanguard / War Hero

As always, feedback is welcome and desired.