Family

"Can the next one not involve something disgusting?" King says, curling up on his green pillow.

"Sure!" says Dr. Hawk. "Why don't you go next, that way you can decide what we talk about?"

King falls off the pillow, smashing onto the table with a loud crash, and quickly rights himself so he is sitting in the center. "Me? Next?"

Diane laughs. "King doesn't even have any secrets!" She giggles again and tugs on one of her ponytails. "Do you, Harlequin?"

Clearing his throat loudly, King quickly grabs a handful of greasy napkins, shoving them up his nostrils to preemptively stop the nosebleed he feels coming. "Well, to be honest," he says, his voice incredibly nasal and irritating, "I do have one secret. Yes, just one. No more than that."

"All right," says Dr. Hawk, noting the fact that King has one and only one secret in his notebook. "Go ahead, it will make you feel much better to share."

The others lean in slightly, curious now what King's one and only secret could possibly be. The fairy looks at each of them with reddened cheeks and says, "All right, all right. The truth is, the fairy race came from a flower that grew from the Sacred Tree. It sprouted seeds one year, and the seeds turned into fairies, and that's where we came from."

Everyone kind of deflated at that. "Leave it to King to have a boring secret," Ban muttered, but then Meliodas said, "I never heard of that before. Are you sure that's true?"

King nodded. "Yeah, it's true. And since only a handful of the seeds survived, every generation after that has been horrifically inbred. In fact, we are all products of incest several times over. Most of the fairy children are born horribly deformed, and we make them work in the candy mines inside the Sacred Tree, so that their ugliness cannot taint the beauty of the Fairy King's Forest. Only the normals like me are allowed out. That's why you don't see very many fairies around, and why we're all a pack of weirdos."

All of the Sins gaped at him, their mouths hanging open, until Ban smacked his hand on the table, causing them all to jump. "Whaddya mean, you're all incest?" he shouted. "Are you telling me you and Elaine-"

"We're siblings," he explained. "But I'm also Elaine's uncle, and she's my aunt, and we're cousins, and second cousins, and Elaine is also my grandmother on my father's side."

"That's… odd," Merlin remarked.

King nodded, and Gowther said, "So if Ban became your brother-in-law, he'd also be your nephew, uncle, cousin, second cousin, and step-father?"

King nodded again, and Meliodas said, "That means if they have a son, he'd be your nephew, cousin, second cousin, second cousin once removed, and first cousin?"

King nodded again, and Escanor said, "So that means your mother was your sister, niece, cousin, aunt, and daughter?"

"Kind of?" King said, and then Diane said, "So does that mean if we get married, Elaine would be my sister-in-law, niece, great-aunt, cousin, and great-grandmother?"

"That doesn't sound right at all," King said, and then Elizabeth leaned in to ask, two mugs of ale balancing on her large chest, "And if you and Diane have children, then they will be Ban's nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, and grandchildren!"

"Wait a second," Merlin said. "That would mean King is his own twin, and he was also twins with his grandmother."

King tried to interrupt with, "Actually, my grandmother-" but he was interrupted by Escanor, who said, "No, no, his grandfather had to marry his father to be his grandson's twin. His mother's mother made his grandmother which is why King and Elaine are second cousins."

"However," Gowther helpfully pointed out, "if Elaine and King had children together, then they would be his children, nieces, nephews, mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins."

Everyone looked at Gowther in disgust. "Way to ruin the fun," Meliodas scolded. "Ew, Elaine and King having children? That's disgusting. Right, Ban?"

He looked over at the Fox Sin for a response. Unfortunately, Ban had fallen off his stool, his hair completely white, his face frozen in fear.