Promise

"Alright! Thank you Merlin!" Hawk said, writing something down again as they all nod along. All together the group turns to look at Ban, who is chugging down another greasy mug.

"What?" he says, slumping forward drunkenly.

"It's your turn," Meliodas says, reaching out a hand to steady him. He pushes him upwards, which only makes him start leaning to the other side.

Ban lifted the mug and drank the rest of the ale in one long gulp. "Fine," he hiccuped, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "You wanna know a secret?"

"What else have we been doing all week?" Dr. Hawk quipped.

"Fine!" Ban slammed his mug down, "I's got a secret!" he pointed out at them, "It's a biiiiig secret."

"Just hurry up and tell us!"

Heaving a huge sigh, Ban confessed, "I fucked the Sacred Tree."

Everyone blinked several times at the Fox Sin. The blinking went on for a full minute before he pounded on the table and roared, "Well?!"

Meliodas laughed. "That's not a secret. We knew that already."

"You-" Ban gasped unbelievably. "You… know?"

"I knew," King muttered. "You talk in your sleep you know."

"Yeah, about that," Ban said, pointing an accusing finger at him. "You didn't warn me about any of that."

"Hey!" King shouted back at him. "You wanna give me back my title of Fairy King? I'll be happy to take it. Meanwhile, fucking that tree is your responsibility. I can sit down without pain until then!"

The two had an angry stare-off before Ban said, "The rest of you knew too?"

Everyone else nodded. "I saw it in Aldan," Merlin smiled.

"Merlin told me," Escanor said.

"I read your dreams," Gowther explained.

"And I heard it from Hawk Mama," Diane interjected.

Ban sighed. "Well, fuck. Even Hawk Mama knows?" He tapped his chin with his finger thoughtfully. "I guess… well, the truth is, fucking the Sacred Tree is the only sex I've had since Elaine died."

"Awwwww," Diane said sympathetically. "That's terrible. What's the matter, you can't-"

"I'm fine, thank you very much," Ban answered angrily. "But I promised her that I wouldn't be with anyone else after she died, and I've kept my promise."

Escanor cleared his throat. "You just admitted you had relations, with the Sacred Tree…?"

Ban shrugged. "Doesn't count. It's a tree."

King snorted, before he looks down at him with a high and mighty glance. "The Sacred Tree is older than your entire species! It is the predecessor of my entire species-!"

He's cut off as Meliodas coughs into his hand, "Incest."

"The Tree is not some- some thing!" he roars. "You fucked by great great great great great great great great great great great GRANDMOTHER Ban! You should be honored to feel her inside of you!"

Everyone is turning a bit green now. "Speaking of feeling things inside of you," Escanor said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair, "Are we done now? We've been here for seven days and honestly I'd like to take a shower." they glance down, noticing how all their clothes are shiny and stiff like metal, completely covered in hardened grease.

"Yeah," Diane agreed. "This gag is seriously played out."

"Damn it!" Ban yells, slamming his hand on the table. "I was really looking forward to you guys freaking out like all the other ones!"

The others shrugged. "I mean, it would have been something if it was original," Escanor said.

"Yeah," Diane agreed. "Like if you fucked the roof of the Boar Hat."

"Or Merlin," King agreed.

"Or yourself," Meliodas agreed.

"Or everyone in Lioness," Elizabeth agreed, suddenly appearing to clear their drinks.

Howzers head pops out of a floor board by their feet, his face grim, "or a giant pig."

"Then on that note," Dr. Hawk announced, "I declare this teambuilding session officially over!"

The Seven Deadly Sins all stood, stretching their stiff muscles as they stood for the first time in days. Merlin leaned over to Meliodas and said, "I don't think that was as helpful as you had hoped it would be."

Meliodas shrugged. "Eh, it was a way to kill time I guess."

The group left together, never to return to the Greasy Bum Meat Cakes again. As Elizabeth cleared their plates away, she suddenly huffed and said, "Those bastards didn't leave me a tip."

Dr. Hawk went on to become the most famous psychiatrist in Lioness. He served as the personal doctor to the king, and was celebrated among all the Lioness nobility until it was discovered that he had falsified his degree.

Gowther bought a house boat and moved to the sea. He lived the rest of his days feeding seagulls and playing solitaire.

Diane entered a professional dance competition. She made it to the final round, when suddenly mid-leap the ground opened up and swallowed the judges as she finally activated the sacred dance of the giants. She ended up coming in third place.

King and Escanor went on to develop a successful skincare line that they sold out of the back of a wagon all around Lioness. However, due to King's horrible gambling issues, he ended up losing all their money and they both had to move into a third-floor walkup.

Merlin moved into a cave to study the ancient secrets of Britannia. No one saw her for years and years, until finally the other Sins went to check on her. They found her buried under a pile of newspapers and dead cats, muttering to herself about finding an eighth sin.

Ban eventually revived Elaine again through some convoluted means that have no place here. On the night before their wedding, she found out about the Sacred Tree and decided that yes, in fact, trees do count. Ban was a bachelor for the rest of his life, and Elaine went on to marry and have seven children with Griamore.

And as for Meliodas? Elizabeth eventually agreed to marry him, and they lived happy, long lives together in the Boar Hat raising her eight tiny bastards. On their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Elizabeth confessed that yes, all of her children really were his and she had put Merlin up to it after agreeing to give her forty percent of the pay out of child support. Meliodas decided right there and then he would become a traveling salesman. A couple years later there was this thing, when his kids started talking about war and becoming the next demon kings and something about murdering the entire human race. He wasn't really paying attention