EPILOGUE

Joe Cartwright sniffed and wiped a tear from his eye as he walked toward the Ingalls' barn for the last time. The moment had come to say goodbye. This simple family had worked its way into his heart until he felt like they were a part of him and it was hard. He'd never compare it to losing his brothers or Alice, but it was a close second. They'd saved him in so many ways, the least of which was preserving his life. He was almost healed now, though his leg was weak. It would be some time before he could break horses again. He'd have to be content sitting on the sidelines like old Dan Tollivar, barking orders at the young bucks.

Joe looked over at his pa. He was on his horse and waiting. Jamie was beside him. He was glad Pa had Jamie. His disappearance could have been the last blow; all the older man needed to push him over the edge.

God, in His mercy, had preserved Ben Cartwright.

He'd said goodbye to Caroline and Charles, and to the youngest and oldest of the Ingalls' girls. But the one he wanted to see the most was missing. 'Hiding', her pa told him. Charles also told him Laura's usual hiding place was in the loft near the back of the barn. He crossed over to the ladder and stood under it, listening. She was there. He could hear her sniffling.

Joe looked at the ladder and was a little troubled that the climb looked daunting. Then, he gripped the bottom rung and drew his body up, putting most of the weight on his arms and not his game leg. He saw her as soon as his head crested above the wooden floor. She was sitting in the back, against the barn wall, all curled in a tight little ball.

As he stepped onto the floor, he called her name. "Laura?"

The sniffling halted and then began again in earnest.

He still limped. He hoped one day that would go away. Crossing haltingly to her side, he lowered himself to the straw-covered boards.

Crouching was out of the question.

For some time they sat in silence and then he said, "You want to know where my favorite place was to go when I was kid?"

Laura sniffed again. The little girl looked over her knees at him. She shrugged. "I guess."

He stretched out his legs, easing the pain in the bad one by rubbing his fist up and down it above the place where the bear's teeth had gone in. "My brother Hoss and I called it our 'happy place'. It's nestled up in the mountains. There's a hill covered with pine on one side and a long slope that ends in a lake with mountains on the other three sides." He shook his head. "It's about the prettiest thing I've ever seen."

"I sure would like to see it," she said, her voice wispy and sad.

"You just did," Joe said.

"What do you mean?" Laura scowled. "It's in Nevada, ain't it? I can't see Nevada from here."

Joe smiled. "You can if you close your eyes."

The scowl deepened. "That's silly."

"No, it's not," he assured her. "What's behind my eyes is my favorite place now. I can see my brothers there, and Alice."

Laura nodded soberly. "I bet she was pretty."

"As a May morning." Joe drew a breath and let it out slowly. It was so freeing to think of Alice and not feel pain. Oh, the loss was still there, but the memory of her alive was all he was beginning to see. Joe turned toward the little girl. "You know, you look an awful lot like her."

She scrunched her nose up and shook her head, looking for all the world like the old spinster teacher Abigail Jones who had been the terror of his boyhood. "Now I know you're joshin' me."

"Cross my heart," he said, and did. Joe reached out and took hold of one of the girl's brown pigtails. "You're pretty as May morning too, Laura."

They sat in silence again. Joe could hear his own heart beating and marveled still at the fact that he was alive. It had been his pa's voice that'd done it. It had called him out of a dark peaceful place. Alice had been there with him. She'd told him over and over again that he had to go. Now that he could look at her and not despair, he hadn't wanted to – not until he heard his pa calling him.

Calling him back to life.

"I don't want you to go."

Joe nodded. "I know, but I gotta. My home's on the Ponderosa."

He knew it now. No more running. It was where he belonged.

"It's so far away," she said with another sniff. "I'll never see you again."

"Now, you got an advantage most don't. You don't need to close your eyes."

"I don't?" she asked, clearly puzzled.

He grinned. "All you gotta do to see me is look at your pa."

Laura's lips twitched. "You do look an awful lot alike. Ma said its like you came out of the same mold."

And probably meant that in more ways than one.

"But Pa don't have that shiny hair like you do."

Joe ran a hand through his silver-grey locks. He could feel the laughter bubbling up in him. "Just give him a few years. With three girls, it's not gonna be long, 'specially when one of them is you." He poked her nose as he said it.

Laura giggled. She looked at him, every ounce of her meaning it when she said, "I love you, Joe Cartwright."

He opened his arms and as she fell into them, he caressed her brown hair and whispered, "Laura Ingalls, I love you too."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The train left the next evening. Joe promised Laura he would write, and he would. He'd write when he was sitting in his favorite place, thinking about his favorite people, not crying, but smiling and laughing as he knew they wanted him to.

Hoss.

Adam.

Alice and the baby.

Laura too.

They were his now.

Forever.