Just a few days later, Leela had her four person crew in her apartment, listening to her talk.
"Alright," Leela announced, "I am pleased to announce that the first meeting of Leela's Orphanarium has begun."
"I think our first order of business should be changing that name," Bender called out.
"That's not the actual name," Leela countered, "The name isn't what's important right now."
"I agree with Bender," Hermes agreed, "That name simply must go."
"Why do I feel like nobody's listening to me," Leela asked.
"If it makes you feel any better," Amy comforted, "I never listen to you."
"Look," Leela yelled, "We'll worry about the name later! Right now, we have to figure out where the orphanarium will be."
"Well, why didn't you just say so," Amy asked.
"Hermes," Leela ignored, "What are we looking at in terms of land budget."
"Right now," Hermes explained, "Even with the money you have, you won't be able to buy land and build something. You'll have to look into abandonded buildings."
"That's what I was hoping wouldn't happen," Leela moaned, "You have to follow what's already been done when that happens. You can't start from scratch and do what you want."
"I got news for you," Bender called out, "Not being able to do what you want is the definition of adulthood. Just wait until you have a million kids to look after."
"Are there any good buildings we can afford," Leela asked.
"Just two," Hermes answered, "One was one of Michael Jackson's former homes..."
"Yeah," Amy deadpanned, "Nothing says orphanarium like a former home of Michael Jackson."
"And the other is an old office building on the outer part of New New York," Hermes finished.
"Those are really our only options," Leela complained, "Great. Now I'll have to settle, and I know that I'm not going to like either one of those. But, it's all we've got, so I guess I'll go see the office building first."
"Can I go too," Bender asked.
"Are you going to steal anything," Leela asked.
"It's an abandonded office building," Bender argued, "It's not like they'll need anything in there."
This was easily one of the weirdest office buildings ever, because it wasn't tall and thin. It was actually wide and short, like a place where an orphanarium could be.
"It's a stable structure," the salesman explained, "Minimum ammount of mold. Plenty of rooms for whatever you need. And one of the rooms gives you a perfect view into a lovely lady's chambers."
"Well," Leela thought out loud, "This place isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Why was it even abandonded?"
"One of the employees went insane and murdered a bunch of other employees," the salesman answered, "Instead of getting more employees, the parent company just abandonded the building and fired anybody who survived."
"This joint's pretty sweet," Bender exclaimed as he walked into the room, trying to hide a printer he stole, "I could call it the mansion I share with children."
"I have to agree," Leela agreed, "I think, out of the two options, this may be the one I want."
"Excellent," the salesman cheered, "And how much will your bid be?"
"Excuse me," Leela questioned, "This isn't a bid war. There's a set price."
"There was," the salesman explained, "But, another gentleman said he really wanted the building, so he offered to pay the full price, plus 10%. I'm guessing you'll have to add another 10% to beat that."
"Oohh," Bender gasped, "Turned around and gotcha, didn't he?"
"That's unbelievable," Leela gasped, "There's no way I'm gonna be able to pay for that."
"Then I'm afraid I'm gonna need the complementary pen back," the salesman demanded, as Leela reached into her pocket, grabbed a pen, and returned it to the salesman.
"Don't fret, Leela," Bender whispered, "At least I got the printer."
"And we're gonna need that printer back," the salesman added on.
"Never," Bender yelled, attacking the salesman with the printer, knocking him out.
"What am I gonna do," Leela moaned, "There's no way I can buy that other property, but there's no way I can afford this one."
"That sounds like a pickle," Bender stated, "Why don't you think about it while I laugh at how I'm glad I'm now you."
So, while Bender started laughing, Leela simply gave him a death glare until he stopped.
"If your done being you for a second," Leela grumbled, "Maybe you'd like to help me out with this."
"Why don't you find some other way to make the money," Bender asked.
"I'll let you steal the printer," Leela objected, "But you're not taking any more than that."
"Alright," Bender griped, "Maybe you could find some rich dummies and get them to give you money."
"What rich people would give me money for an orphanarium," Leela asked.
"Why not ask Amy's parents," Bender asked, "They're rich, and you're even the one giving their daughter a job."
"You're right," Leela gasped, "If my knowledge on parents is right, which it might not be, parents have a hard time saying no to their daughters. So, if me and Amy ask them, how could they say no?"
"No," Amy's parents both objected at the same time.
"I guess that's how," Leela thought out loud.
"Mommy & Daddy," Amy whined, "Why are you doing this? Why can't Leela have an orphanarium."
"We may be willing to pay for everything in your life," Amy's Mom countered, "But we refuse to buy your friend an orphanarium she doesn't even need."
"Sir," Leela proposed, "This isn't just about me. It's about all orphans and making sure where they grow up is nice."
"Be quiet before I show you the back of my hand," Amy's Dad threatened, revealing that he wrote "Stop Talking" on the back of his hand with a marker.
"Well," Amy deadpanned, "If you won't give my friend money so I can have a job, I guess I'll just have to move back in here with you. Maybe I'll bring Kif with me."
"I'll get you job as delivery girl before you move back here," Amy's Dad protested.
"Aren't they the people who work at the restaurants you call when you're both hungry and horny," Amy asked.
"No," Amy's Dad deadpanned.
"Wait a second," Leela questioned, "You've paid for food with... unspeakable acts?"
"Are we talking to my parents about you or me," Amy asked.
"Doesn't matter," Leela grumbled, "Looks like I'm not getting that money after all."
"Why not just go on TV and beg the viewers for money," Amy asked, "Viewers are very impressionable. They'll do whatever you tell them to do."
Favorite liamdude5 and his stories.
"I don't know," Leela thought out loud, "I never really pictured myself being very good at begging."
"I can teach you," Amy convinced, "I'm a very good begger."
"You couldn't get your own parents to give me money," Leela countered.
"Please," Amy begged, "Please do this. Just let me teach you. Please?"
"Alright," Leela gave in, "Fine. I'll try it."
"And that is lesson one," Amy showed off.
"Let me try calling some TV producers," Leela stated, walking out of the room.
"So," Amy asked, "How you guys doing?"
"We're getting a divorce," Amy's Dad answered.
"What," Amy questioned, "Why?"
"I had an affair," Amy's Mom replied, "Your father flipped a coin to see if he would forgive me. So, here we are."
On that awkward note, Leela walked back into the room.
"Well," Leela explained, "I talked to the producer of Entertainment and Earth Invasion Tonite. They won't let me talk about my problem on the air."
"Don't worry," Amy reassured, "I know a show that's desperate enough to let anyone on."
"What show," Leela asked.
Jazz trumpets started playing as the title card "Good Morning, Hollywood" popped up on screen, before disappearing to reveal Leela sitting in a small seat next to a fashionable robot.
"Good morning, Hollywood," the robot greeted, "I'm a Ryan Seacrest Bot. Today, we're going to start off with a sob story. Here with us today is former delivery girl and hopeful orphanarium owner, Turanga Leela."
"Hello Ryan Seacrest Bot," Leela greeted.
"So, Leela," Ryan Seacrest Bot started, "I understand that you wanted to buy an old building, but now you need more green stuff that doesn't come in a bong. What's up with that?"
"Well," Leela explained, "I found the absolutely perfect building for my orphanarium, and I found out after the visit that it costs more than I have and I need somebody to look into their hearts and their wallets and give me the money me, my staff, and the orphans need."
"That sounds pretty nice and good," Ryan Seacrest Bot stated, "But why should the average watchers at home give you money when your rich co-worker's parents wouldn't give you a dime?"
"Who told you about that," Leela asked.
"The rich girl's blog," Ryan Seacrest Bot answered.
Leela quickly turned on her phone and went to Amy's blog. Sure enough, a transcript of their conversation in the Wong's living room was there.
"Damn it, Amy," Leela groaned.
"So, let me ask you," Ryan Seacrest Bot asked, "How does it feel knowing that nobody believes in you? How does it feel having nobody on your side? How does it feel knowing that all of the orphans you want to help are all going to die because of you?"
"Aren't you exaggerating a bit," Leela asked.
"I'm a celebrity," Ryan Seacrest Bot explained, "I do that a lot. Now, why don't you be quiet and let me talk?"
That's when Leela snapped and gave Ryan Seacrest Bot a swift karate kick, knocking his head clean off.
"Cut," the director yelled, running to Ryan Seacrest Bot's head, "What did you do? He's dead!"
"What," Ryan Seacrest Bot's agent screamed, "Noooooooo."
"We'll hold a small funeral tomorrow," the director lamented, "The evil lady isn't invited."
"He was so young," Ryan Seacrest Bot's agent cried, "He had so many more singing competitions in him."
Later that day, Leela's staff was inside her apartment, listening to her talk.
"Well," Leela stated, "The show appearance didn't go quite as planned."
"Can we please talk about the fact that you killed Ryan Seacrest Bot," Amy asked.
"Look," Leela yelled, "I payed the standard fee for murdering a robot. Can we please pretend it never happened?"
"I'll never look at her the same way again," Bender whispered.
"Anyways, back to business," Leela switched topics, "Hermes, is there any other way we can try and get the money?"
"Sorry Leela," Hermes apologized, "But nothing short of a miracle would get us that money at this point."
"Well, I don't know," Bender thought out loud, "I know of..."
"I'm not resorting to armed robbery or prostitution," Leela countered.
"Then I'm out," Bender gave in, "In more ways than one."
"Yeah," Hermes growled, "I've got better offers than this."
"Call me when you actually get some money," Amy complained.
And with that, everyone left and Leela was all alone in her apartment. If it weren't for the fact that Scruffy was still sitting on Leela's couch.
"Scruffy's gonna leave too," Scruffy stated, "Scruffy just needs time for his legs to wake back up."
Later that night, Leela was sitting on her couch, eating a bowl of Self Pity Strawberry ice cream, with several I Give Up bar wrappers scattered on the floor.
"Who am I kidding," Leela asked herself, "How could I ever run an orphanarium when I don't even have the money to do it or the means to get the money. What am I gonna do now?"
Suddenly, there was a knock on Leela's door.
"Leave me alone," Leela called out, "I'm contemplating making a fake assault allegation against somebody famous. And you didn't hear that."
There was no follow up knock.
"That's more like it," Leela murmured, returning to her ice cream.
The next morning, Leela still had no idea what to do. So, she decided to take a walk, see if she could get hit by a car.
But, as she was about to leave, she noticed someone had taped an envelope to the outside of her door.
"This must be what that nut last night wanted," Leela thought, "This had better not be a Mormon thing."
"Leela took the envelope and opened it. Inside was a folded up piece of paper. Leela unfolded the piece of paper and a wad of cash fell to the floor.
"Oh my gosh," Leela gasped, picking up the wad, "There must be $2,000 in here."
Leela scanned the piece of paper and there was a shirt note.
"Dear Leela," the note read, "You deserve this. Signed Anon E Mous."
"I don't believe this," Leela gasped, "Does this mean I can buy the building?"
"Yes it does," a construction worker answered, "That flower pot definitely works with the room."
It now was finished. Leela bought the building and was able to make the necessary renovations. The building looked exactly like an orphanarium. She even had her staff back and brought a few new faces onto the team. There was just one problem.
"So," Bender asked, "When do we start with the kid stuff?"
"Give it time," Leela reassured, "The children will come soon. I'm sure by the next chapter, this orphanarium will be full of kids."
"Next chapter," Amy questioned.
"Of our lives, I mean," Leela defended, "It's very philosophocal. Just take it for what it is."
Suddenly, there was some clanging going on outside. This reminds me of the other problem Leela has.
When Leela went outside to investigate the noise, she saw Zoidberg eating out of the garbage cans.
"Stop coming around here," Leela yelled.
"You can hit me with anything," Zoidberg countered, "It won't ruin this delicious garbage."
"Get out of here," Leela snapped, causing Zoidberg to retreat with his typical run and strange noises.
Truly, Leela had her work cut out for her.