"Hang on, what did you just say?"
Out of everything to have come from Tony's mouth, this certainly wasn't something you'd expected (or ever wanted) to hear.
"Kid, I know you've been hard of hearing lately, but I was standing right in front of you when I made this over the top but gracious announcement. Capsicle and Carter are engaged, now please don't jump on me in excitement…"
…to which you merely blinked, still trying to process the information. You were sure this was some type of stupid joke Tony Stark wanted to spread, but judging from his raised eyebrow, it seemed the news… was true?
"Kid?" "…sorry Tones, I just… I mean, wow… that was, uh, unexpected…"
To say the least.
Tony, on the other hand, stopped focusing on the drink he was pouring and looked at you carefully. He wasn't a mind reader, nor was he very good with discerning body language most times; however, the lack of expression on your face, the stiff shoulders and the slightly clenched fist told him that you weren't the least bit excited or happy. If anything, you seemed… distraught.
He wanted to ask further, but he was also aware of how closed off you could potentially become if you were asked about your feelings. You weren't the most forthcoming person, even if you did try your hardest to keep the team in the know about your life.
It was probably best for him to stay silent, and continue pouring his drink… a double instead of a single. He would probably need it to get him through today, if your demeanour was anything to go by; in which case hadn't relaxed in the minutes post the reveal.
Truth be told you were internally panicking and trying to calm yourself down. You couldn't burst out and you certainly couldn't ask Tony anything for fear that he would begin to suspect something was going on. And for all that you absolutely adored the older man, he wasn't someone you could confide in. No one was, not now and certainly not then.
Forcing a slight smile, you nodded at Tony, Wanda and Vision (who had both been standing there, beaming at the wonderful news), and walked off towards the elevator, needing to be far away from everyone. You weren't too sure if it was better for you to remain in your apartment, but anything away from the communal area was good enough for you.
Of course, your getaway couldn't be that easy, for when you pressed the button, the elevator opened. And who should walk out but the engaged couple in question. A couple that were so immersed in each other, took no notice of the other occupants they had been sharing the elevator with, nor of the person standing to the side, waiting to make an escape.
You counted backwards from 100 in your head, ignoring Clint, Sam, Bucky and Natasha, ignoring the soft laughter and jovial murmuring from the couple, ignoring the flutters in your stomach as you breathed in his scent - cinnamon and wood, ignoring just how easily he ignored you.
You were sure you could now step into the elevator, and yet as you took a step inside, you felt someone's presence upon you. His.
"Oh… didn't realise you were in here, Sharon just dropped—"
You held up the item in question - her scarf - and tried very hard to smile at him.
His broad grin dropped.
"…congra- congratulations… Captain, really…happy for you."
Instead of waiting for a reply, you pressed the keypad for the lobby and waited for FRIDAY to shut the doors in his face.
Not even a wisp of satisfaction as you left him standing there holding her scarf, his reply left unsaid. It didn't matter, nothing he could say would make you smile any longer.
It was stupid to be outside without a cardigan at the very least, but there was no way you were partaking in any type of celebration. You would survive the wind (and the rain if it so happened to pour down to add to your misery) without complaint. Why would you complain anyway? It wasn't as though you could have changed anything.
This is what happens when you agree to stupid rules. You knew better, but for him, you allowed yourself to acquiesce. It could have been you celebrating right now… you know, a rock on your finger and a peach sized baby in your belly.
You stopped in the middle of the footpath as though suddenly realising the one truth you had been vigilantly keeping quiet for about three months now.
You were pregnant with Steven Roger's baby, and he was engaged to his former flame's grandniece.
Yeah, you were screwed. And it didn't look like it was going to get any better from here.
The current rain splattering on your head seemed to agree. Yet you continued walking, choosing to be safe where everyone was trying to avoid getting soaked and therefore ignoring you, as opposed to being stifled with the team who would see the rain as an omen of good things to come.
A dozen or so missed calls and messages later, you finally made it back to the tower, soaked to the bone but somewhat calmer for it. You supposed the storm had numbed you; at least this way you could pretend to be happy…
Yeah, no.
There would be no happiness, not anymore. Not until you had finally decided about your life. You didn't want to force anything upon Steve, but at the same time, you knew he deserved the truth. From there you could both come to some type of consensus, and if it meant having to draw up a custody agreement, then so be it. If Steve wanted to be a father to your child, then the least you could do was allow him access.
Still lost in your thoughts, you didn't realise you had walked up to your apartment, had a shower and changed into a flowy dress; your hair still slightly damp and curling at the ends. In fact, it wasn't until you found yourself nearing the communal lounge did you blink and immediately wince from the loud declarations from Bucky.
"Look bird brain, there can only be one best man, and that reigning crown is mine. What do you think doll?"
Suddenly all eyes were on you, and you had to strain not to roll your eyes. God, they could be so obvious sometimes, trying not to busy themselves with a reason for your absence. If the golden couple hadn't been concerned themselves, there was no need for them to be.
"Does it really matter what I think? I mean, you can fight all you want, but I'm sure your best friend would want two equally embarrassing speeches at the reception," you retorted, proud that your voice hadn't wavered once as you walked towards one of the couches (and avoiding the couple perched on the loveseat).
Bucky winked at you in reply, and smacked the side of Sam's head to keep him from opening his mouth. It didn't work but it did wonders for a distraction. Everyone was once more focused on the impending wedding, and although Tony seemed like he wanted to ask where you'd been, he too had been swayed by Sharon into discussing whether he would be interested in walking her down the aisle, because he was the only tie she had to her great-aunt anymore.
Barf tray, stat.
Decidedly turning away from that conversation, you found yourself watching Steve as he stared at Sharon in wonder, possibly trying to figure out how he could have landed such an amazing woman. Refraining from rolling your eyes yet again (it was extremely difficult to remain positive about this, and the slight bulge of your stomach was doing you absolutely no favours), you looked away.
There was no point in torturing yourself when he obviously didn't care. He had turned you into a joke, and flaunting his relationship was added insult to injury. An insult you were trying to bear with grace. Except as the evening dragged on, you were becoming quite unsettled.
You didn't a fucking history lesson about their 'love story'. You didn't need to know how he kissed her mere hours after losing Peggy, all because he couldn't bear to lose another person he 'cared' about without telling them how he felt.
(No similarities to how your own 'affair' began; he had quietly asked if you were interested in taking a long walk in the park, perhaps after a private dinner at some fancy restaurant Tony had recommended. A long slow burn that turned into a charred mess of broken promises and empty declarations.)
Forty minutes of this bullshit, and you were at your last tether. No, you really didn't care about how he proposed to her at sunrise because both loved rising early to meet each other's gazes as the sun greeted them. You sure as hell didn't care that he had personally designed this ring to match her tastes because she was a princess who deserved everything he could give her and much, much more. And you definitely didn't care that they wanted to have a private ceremony with only their 'loved ones' involved.
Last you checked, side whores weren't allowed in society, and judging by the grim frown on his face as he finally looked at you, there was no way you were considered a 'loved one'.
You had overstayed your welcome about a year ago and it was time to pack up and get the hell out of dodge.
The only problem with that idea was that it meant you would never get a chance to tell Steve the truth, but was it even worth it anymore?
It wasn't until three hours later and four rehashings of how perfect Sharon and Steve were for each other did you get your answer. Of course, you would end up arguing with him in his apartment. He obviously couldn't handle the fact that someone (no matter who it was) wasn't as happy as he'd thought they'd be.
And why wouldn't he think that? According to him, whatever you had had died a long time ago. Even though he kept coming back to your bed time and time again like a bad habit. A habit full of "fuck I love you so goddamn much, please don't let me go," and "I just want to kidnap you and keep you with me forever, away from all of this, just you and me," as he thrust into you, a man starved for your physical and emotional attention every single time he was pulled away for a mission, a meeting, a goddamn debriefing with Agent 13.
So much for that now that he's engaged. (At least you're aware of what debriefing means though.)
"What the hell do you want from me?! You're the one who kept walking away, kept asking me to take you back… how could you not have expected I'd want to move on?"
"Unbelievable! I kept walking away because you refused to tell anyone we were together! But instead of coming clean and telling me you were done, you kept me dangling, agreeing that it was wrong to keep our relationship quiet, but each time I begged you to say something, you would choose to say silent. Was I wrong for wanting more from you? It's not as though you cared whether I was coming or going! I stayed, I stayed because I loved you dammit… I still fucking love you now!
"But it's not enough, it's never been enough for you. I wasn't the woman of your dreams, I was the one you settled with instead, never thinking you would do any better than a lower ranking agent for SHIELD… not until fucking Sharon Carter came through. I wonder what it's like, not getting your first love but somehow finding their descendent instead, I mean anyone must be better if they're from the fucking Carter family!"
You massaged the sides of your temple in frustration, but you weren't done (more so didn't want to hear his excuses or his lies). He had strung you along for the better part of two years; two years of quiet dalliances in the Triskelion, in the tower; two years of constant back and forth about revealing the relationship, from saying Bucky still hadn't recovered to needing to mend friendships with Tony and Rhodey. It had never been the right time, but in between all the fighting, the fucking, the lying and the lovemaking, somehow Steven Rogers found the time to engage in a romance with Sharon Carter. The same Sharon Carter that he kissed right before engaging in the fight with Tony, while trying to save Bucky from being taken away by Pierce.
The same Sharon Carter who told you that Steven Rogers was a decent guy but she wasn't interested in him, especially when he revealed he wasn't the Captain the world expected him to be.
The same Sharon Carter, who upon being told that you were keen on him, laughed at you and said that you could do much better than him, because a guy like him were a dime a dozen.
The same Sharon Carter who knew that you had embarked on an affair with him, and encouraged you to keep it a secret.
The same Sharon Carter who began discouraging you from staying with him – because after all, he didn't show any sign of wanting this to become official.
The same Sharon Carter who knew you were celebrating eighteen months together, and still decided to ask him out on a date. Because according to him, he wasn't seeing anyone.
The same fucking Sharon Carter who found out you were pregnant and still said yes to Steve's proposal because in her eyes, you were nothing but a bed warmer.
"You know what? Please accept my congratulations Captain. Here I thought Tony had been lying, joking around. Is this why you felt it was better to keep our relationship quiet? I never believed you would turn out to be this pathetic, but whaddaya know. America's self-righteous superhero believes himself above all of this; behaves as though he can have his cake and eat a few others too!
"Let me make it very clear, Steven Rogers. After this moment, you are not to contact me, you are not to ever ask after or about me. Consider me dead, I don't care. After all you spent almost a year believing our relationship was dead, so it wouldn't be too hard to believe that lie either."
You stormed out of his apartment, slamming the door behind you, ignoring the shock on both Bucky and Sam's faces knowing they had heard every word. It didn't matter any longer, you were done with all of them. It wasn't as though you were considered a part of the team – they liked you enough to have you live in the tower with them, however you weren't an Avenger, and therefore expendable.
Just as well you had already handed in your resignation to Maria Hill, effective immediately. Just another hour while you packed the final of your belongings and away you would be, nowhere near this toxic environment. Just you and baby, the baby that Steve deserved nothing of.
No, you were going to forge a new life for yourself, one where your munchkin's father had died, and you had to begin a new journey. You would never let your baby suffer, never allow them to have their heart brutally shattered the way yours had, never allow them to sacrifice their happiness for the sake of others.
You purposefully ignored the cry of frustration echoing from his apartment, and calmly continued your walk to the elevator, waiting for the doors to open so you could leave and never, ever come back. It was over. You were over the bullshit.
Again, however you were forced to wait for someone to leave the elevator – in this case the wonder woman herself, Sharon Carter. This time she couldn't ignore you, and although you wanted nothing more than to punch her in the face, you refrained from doing anything. You would wait patiently for her to leave the area and saunter over to lover-boy's apartment.
None of that happened however when she opened her mouth.
"I should really be thanking you for making my dream come true, you know? I mean, I didn't think it was possible to want him in my bed, especially after that absurdly wet first kiss. But things have a way of turning around, and he became everything I wanted him to be. All because of you. But don't worry, I'll take good care of him. Give him legitimate children, something you'd never be able to do. I mean, does he even know that you're pregnant—"
Smack.
Your hand ached with the sheer force you had slapped Sharon across the face with, but there was no time to reflect. You were absolutely fed up with her, and if you were any lesser of a person, you would physically show her just how pathetic she was. As it was, you felt your words were venomous enough that even Steve would cower in shame.
"You're a fucking traitorous bitch. And you know what, Steve deserves you. Just like you deserve him. You're both disgusting, and I'm so glad you are getting married. Because trash belongs with trash. Keep him, fuck him, defile him, break him. I. Do. Not. Care. I mean let's face it, I had him in my bed no less than four days ago, but you do you.
"I kept this quiet out of respect to him, and if he chose to disrespect everything our relationship stood on, then that's on him. But my baby stays out of your filthy mouth. That baby is mine and mine alone. He's nothing more than a sperm donor, although that's neither here nor there. You keep him on that short leash you have Carter, he's obedient enough to not want to fuck up the only other relationship he has going for him."
And with that, you pressed the elevator button to re-open the doors, letting FRIDAY firmly shut the doors before Sharon, Bucky, Sam or Steve could even utter a syllable. You hadn't even realised that any of the men had been witness to that altercation, but whatever. You were sure Sharon would spin it to make herself look the victim, and you were more than fine with it. Whatever relationship you had with any of them had burned up some time ago.
You only had the future to look forward to, and with your baby due in a few months, you couldn't be more excited. What did it say about you not once opening your mouth to Steve about the baby? Well, you had wanted to pass the first trimester without incident, and you didn't want him to feel like he had an obligation to fulfil. Also, what was wrong with wanting it to be a surprise? He was in your bed most nights, and you would have thought he knew your body inside out.
You kept a hand on your stomach as you walked out of the elevator towards your apartment, quickly unlocking the door with your thumbprint and closing it immediately once you had entered. It wouldn't be long before someone came searching (you wondered if your hand print was still firmly stuck on Sharon's face, a bright red reminder of how badly she fucked up), and you wanted your belongings in the cab waiting outside.
A final check through the apartment and you were ready to head off. FRIDAY queried if you needed assistance with your luggage but you declined, not wanting to hear any questioning. You just had to be out of there right now. You were very lucky that no one had contacted you yet, but you also knew that could change in a heartbeat. And you had another heartbeat you had to protect, so it was best to disappear as quickly as possible.
It wasn't until the cab driver was closing the trunk did you receive the first phone call, from none other than Tony. You let it go to voicemail, and ignored the subsequent text message informing you of a voicemail in your inbox. The same occurred for the phone calls from Wanda, Clint, Bucky and Sam. You blocked the calls from Steve and rolled your eyes at Natasha's text message which consisted of a question mark.
The only reply most of them would receive would be a birth announcement in the NY Times of a healthy baby boy, weighing just over 6 pounds with fine, dark blonde hair; named after the honorary uncle who tracked you down and made sure you were doing more than just surviving (in turn becoming somewhat of a surrogate father who drank way too much during breakfast and nagged until you agreed to live in his rebuilt Malibu mansion), and for the friend who kept a place for you at SHIELD even though she knew you were never coming back.
Antonio Marius, the strong young child who would grow up to become every bit as honourable as his biological father wanted to be, and every bit as intelligent as his mother knew he would be.
But that wasn't something you would dwell on as you stared at your son's features. All you cared about in this moment was that your baby was here, and you weren't dwelling on what could have been.
(In another world, you knew Steve would have been so proud to be a father; would have yelled it from the rooftop of the tower in excitement; would have picked you up and spun you around in sheer happiness until you almost threw up from dizziness; would have wanted to spend every moment gazing at your stomach, protecting you from every demon he could because you were carrying a gift he never believed he deserved.
In another world, you wouldn't have been a secret. Your relationship would have caused copious amounts of teasing and adoration alike, but most importantly, it would have been accepted by Steve. Because he wouldn't have believed he was settling for second-best. You were his queen, and no princess could have ever come close to how much he loved you.
In another world, of course.)