Tony had been relaxing for once in his life, sitting on his couch watching Dr. Phil as he was too lazy to change the channel. It also felt nice to worry about a stranger's problems rather than his own. He had just refilled his coffee when Peter's Aunt May called. Tony scrambled for his phone when the Jaws theme music began to play and he knew who was calling. He answered as fast as humanly possible. Aunt May was terrifying.

"May! How are you? I wasn't expecting your call." His voice came out in a rush, slightly panicked.

"I know Tony, I'm sorry to call on one of your days off but could you do a favor for me?" Tony was immediately suspicious at how worried May seemed. Aunt May could do anything, so for her to be desperate, something must've happened. He was quick to reply.

"Yes! Of course, anything you need." He was also especially willing to do what May wanted after she verbally cowed him when finding out Peter was Spider-man. (That slap had also been particularly painful.) She let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you so much. Could you take Peter driving?' Tony froze, mouth slightly agape.

"What?"

"You know, he needs to practice driving to get his license and I was wondering if you'd take him driving for an hour or two?" Tony's brow furrowed. This was the favor May was so desperate for him to do? Take Peter driving? Peter was the most responsible teenager Tony knew. (Not that he knew that many teenagers.) Tony shrugged. It didn't seem like it'd be that bad. The kid could swing from buildings through New York, so he should be able to drive a car pretty decently, right?

"Sure May, I'd love to."

Famous Last Words.

"BRAKE BRAKE BRAKE BRAKE-" Tony was cut off as Peter slammed on the brake, the two of them jerking in their seat belts. Tony took a deep breath, staring at the red light, willing it to stay that way. But alas, his wish was not granted. The light soon turned green and Peter slammed on the gas, with Tony's head slamming into his headrest. "PETER SLOW DOWN!"

"I got this Dr. Stark, don't worry about it!" Peter seemed completely calm, and he only called Tony Dr. Stark if he wanted to get on Tony's good side. Well, he sure as hell wasn't now!

"PETER I SWEAR TO GOD-" They were fast approaching another red light, and Tony braced himself. Peter slammed on the breaks yet again and Tony was yanked forward, his seatbelt choking him. "Peter you need to slow down sooner and slower kid! You're going to kill me one of these days! Don't hit the brake pedal so hard, just ease it down." Peter smiled sheepishly, but Tony knew that the child was plotting his death. No one would suspect him. Tony narrowed his eyes. Peter would be crying and look all innocent, but he'd really have killed Tony on purpose. Tony was ripped out of his morbid train of thought when Peter slammed on the gas.

"I'm gonna turn right, Tony!" Oh God. Peter began his turn too fast, too wide.

"USE YOUR BLINKER! SLOW DOWN! GET CLOSER TO THE CURB PETER! YOU ARE GOING TO KILL US!"Peter corrected a little too quickly and he was thrown into the passenger door. Tony knew that this driving lesson could not be over soon enough. "BRAKE PETER DEAR GOD! IT'S GONNA SAY ON MY TOMBSTONE THAT YOU MURDERED ME PETER PARKER-"

Tony collapsed onto the sidewalk, practically falling out of the car once Peter pulled up to the curb, still a little too fast. Tony laid with his face pressed to the concrete, praising all the gods he knew of. "Thank Thor and Odin and even Loki, smug little bastard-"

"Tony, are you ok?" Asked Aunt May, who had hurried out of the building upon seeing the car pull up. Tony let out a shrill little giggle. He sounded like an absolute lunatic, he thought distractedly.

"Of course I'm ok, May! Why wouldn't I be? I just had a great time with your little nephew who is currently plotting my death via car accident or panic induced heart attack. I'm fine!" Tony let out another laugh and quickly kissed the sidewalk. "I am never getting up again. I hate cars. I hate this. Keep the demon child away from me. I'm just gonna lock myself in the workshop and never leave again. Not even Pepper could make me. Goodbye cruel world."

There was a beat of silence before Aunt May broke into uncontrollable laughter. "He IS a demon child when he drives, isn't he?" Tony just lifted his head and stared at her, before groaning and letting his forehead hit the cement. Peter stepped over his prone body, leaving the keys on his back before hurrying into the apartment complex.

"He better run." Tony grumbled, still not moving. He was probably gonna get a bunch of diseases from the filthy ground, but he couldn't care less. If this is what being a dad was like, Tony was glad he didn't have any children.

Or so he told himself.