Five

'Ryuuichi.'

It just happens one day, suddenly.

'Eh?'Ryuu turns and sees Hayato standing near the door of the daycare room, ready to leave.

'The homeroom will start soon, 'he says in his usual calm tone, with his constant expressionless face, as if nothing special has happened, 'Let's go.'

'O-Oh right!' Ryuu replies, quickly put Midori down onto the blanket. He stands up and hurries to walk towards the door.

Before he gets to walk through the door, Hayato stops him by gripping his arm. He looks up and finds the taller teen's light hazel eyes looking straightly into his. Hayato's gazes are always lukewarm but gentle. It feels as if he is looking through you when those gazes are directed at you. Ryuu feels his own heart beat speeding up, which happens more and more frequently lately whenever he is with Hayato.

He wonders if he suffers from heart disease.

'You forgot to take off your apron again.'

'Eh? D-did I?' Ryuu stutters while taking off his apron, putting it onto the clothes stand with a shaky hand. Then he realizes that he has forgotten to take his schoolbag as well. Staggering towards the shelf while trying to avoid the scattered toys on the floor, Ryuu grabs his bag and trots to the door again.

'Sorry for letting you wait,' he smiles sheepishly at Hayato, who just nods and motions him to walk outside first. Ryuu looks back for the last time to check if he has forgotten anything. Then he spots Usaida, who is sitting on the floor. He didn't miss the younger babysitters' exchange. Never wasting the chance to tease anyone, he sends Ryuu a knowing smile, which makes Ryuu really uncomfortable and grimace before he steps out of the door frame.

'Bye-bye Kami-ni~, Ryuu-ni~' the children say in unison, waving their small, chubby hands 'Come back soon~~'

Ryuu nods. Then they wave at the kids and leave.

On the way to the classroom, Ryuu wonders if he really heard Hayato call him by his first name.

'The baseball practice today is cancelled,' Hayato says, adjusting the weight of his schoolbag on his shoulder 'So I'll help out in the daycare room after school.'

Ryuu frowns, still wondering if he is hearing things or not.

'Ryuuichi, are you listening?'

So, he didn't mishear or something…

'Er… yes?' he blinks and replies, looking up at his classmate. In his memory, only his senior family members (now Obaasan and Saikawa-san) or other people older than him (such as the children's parents) call him "Ryuuyichi" and he is "Ryuu" to his closer friends, so he was a bit surprised when Hayato has chosen to call him by using his full given name.

It's not that uncommon though, for others to call him "Ryuuichi". He doesn't know why he's making a fuss about it. But somehow...

He heart just skips a beat whenever Hayato does it.

'Anyways, I'll be there after school,' Hayato continues, being used to Ryuu's spacing-out habits 'If you feel tired, you can go home with Kotaro first.'

Before he can say anything, the bell rings and they run to the classroom.

'Kotaro, Taka, Kirin, Kazuma, Takuma...' Ryuu muses their names quietly during the Maths lesson, while the teacher is thinking about how to explain the formulas written on the textbook. 'Midori... um...I have no problem calling the children's first names.'

It should be a given, calling little kids' in a more friendly way. No one in their right mind calls toddlers' by using surnames such as "Kumatsuka" or "Sawatori". Ryuu nods to himself when he ponders about it. He recalls Kamitani's first name. He has heard Hayato's mum, Saikawa and Usaida call his name very naturally. He supposes he can do it too. Taking a deep breath unconsciously, he opens his mouth.

'Haya...'

Hayato

He was planning to try saying it but failed when it came on the tip of his tongue.

He feels his face getting warm even just thinking about it. It shouldn't be difficult right? He has known Kamitani long enough and they are friends! To be more accurate, Hayato is his closest friend. Best friend. But then Ryuu frowns at the thought. It doesn't sound right to him.

What's wrong with me? Of course Kamitani is my best friend.

He shakes his head, trying to calm himself and think in a different direction. When he was in the primary school, his friends all call one another by their first names and he had no problem at doing that too. Trying to think of a reason to justify his strange reaction, he explains to himself...

Maybe I just have trouble saying the first names of people who are of the same age as me.

He looks around and sees Ushimaru, who is sitting next to him. He remembers that she and Inomata also call each other by their first names.

Inomata seems to be the type that have difficulties getting close to others. If she can have a first-name based relationship with others, Ryuu should be able to call Kamitani by his first name, right? (It's rude to think about Inomata like this, sorry. He thinks a moment later.)

Ryuu recalls the memory of calling Ushimaru 'Yuki' while they were in the daycare room playing grown up with the kids. Feeling a little shy though, Ryuu could still do it in front of her. Why is it so difficult when it comes to Kamitani's case?

Wait!

Ryuu suddenly remembers that Hayato referring him calling her 'Yuki' is a kind of sexual harassment and making him feel even more embarrassed than he already was in front of the girl.

That Kamitani! Dare to accuse me of that when he did the same thing to me this morning!

Ryuu pouts when he realizes how unfair it is. But then he notices that the situation is different since Ushimaru is a girl while he isn't. But still! Ryuu copies the Math questions from the textbook while thinking sulkily. After a while, he decides to make another attempt for Kamitani's name.

'Hayato.'

This time he manages to say it but then he imagines Hayato looking at him with his usual cool-looking face, asking him if something's wrong. Ryuu suddenly feels the urge to hide his face into his arms when he starts to feel the heat on his cheeks. He definitely doesn't want Hayato to see his expression now.

Maybe I will manage to do it normally some day.

On the other side of the classroom, Hayato has finished the third Math question before the teacher comes up with a comprehensible explanation for today's homework. As expected, Ryuu looked dumbfounded when he called him by his first name this morning. Hayato isn't sure why on earth he did that. Maybe he wanted to test Ryuu for his reaction just like he did last time in the aquarium. Or maybe he didn't manage to stop himself from saying what in his mind was without a second thought. Or maybe he felt closer to Ryuu when he did it

...or maybe it can ease the frustration and bitterness that threaten to grow larger and larger because he forces himself to hold back those feelings he has for Ryuuichi.

Hayato isn't the type of people who act on impulse. When his own emotions were getting more and more out of control, he realized that he has to do something before he has done something he would regret. That's why he is weighing his options in his mind most of the time recently.

Confessing to Ryuu isn't a wise option, Hayato decided. He has considered about the possibilities and concluded that letting Ryuu know about his feelings will only cause the shorter teen unnecessary troubles, make their relationship awkward, confuse him or worse...put him into a dilemma.

If Ryuu doesn't feel the same way, their friendship may not end (knowing him, he would probably pretend nothing happens even if he feels uncomfortable about it), but Hayato doesn't want to lose the trust he got from Ryuu. It takes him long enough to finally get Ryuu to open up a bit more to him and rely on him. He wouldn't bear it if all of it is gone, no matter what, even if that means Ryuu would never know about his feelings.

Hayato leans back in his seat, glancing at Ryuu's back of his head. The warm sunshine in winter makes his hair becomes a light shade of chocolate brown. It looks soft and extremely comfortable to ruffle.

His gaze softened at the thought. If Ryuu returns his feelings...Hayato has no idea what Ryuu thinks of him but he doesn't rule out this possibility. Caring and considerate as Ryuu is, he will definitely be torn between him and Kotaro. On a daily basis, Ryuu already feels guilty for not giving enough attention to his little brother. Hayato doesn't even want to imagine what his negative brain would manage to think if they really start a relationship.

Forcing Ryuu to choose between Kotaro and him is the last thing he wants to do.

"For now I just want to put Kotaro as my first priority. I don't think I will consider dating anyone."

Hayato recalls what Ryuu told him when some girl gave him a love letter a few months ago.

Making up his mind isn't as difficult as he thought it would be. The best choice is so obvious that it doesn't need to be reconsidered. Nothing needs to be changed although now he knows very clearly that he is in love with Ryuu. Hayato will still be his best friend, offer help and advice when he is in need, listen to him when he wants to let some of his negative thoughts out, watch over him and make sure that he is fine and happy.

Even when one day Ryuu finds the girl he likes, he will be there to offer him his best wishes.

That's the best choice for Ryuuichi.

Ignoring the twinge in his heart, he is determined to keep what he has decided until the end.

He doesn't need to know about it.

Giving his half-finished homework a final glance, Hayato puts his pen down, props his chin on his right hand and stares through the window. It is lucky that Ryuu is a thick person. As long as Hayato doesn't tell him directly, he won't notice anything.

So at least, Hayato allows himself to call him by his first name.

—

To be continued