Hey guys! Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter! Sorry about the little cliffhanger I had on the last chapter (actually, I'm not really sorry).
Onwards with the next chapter!
*edited May 2017
Chapter Thirteen: Bob The Blob
"AAAHHHHHHHH! HOLY FUCKING SHIT BALLS! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK?!"
My voices tears through my throat as I roll down, what appears to be, a make shift slide made entirely out of rock. Sure, it would have been fun if I was positive that I am not going to die and if the smell of death, decay and possibly shit wasn't hanging in the air and had I not literally pissed my pants a few seconds ago. The smell is appalling, making my stomach lurch and threaten to barf. Seriously, why haven't people in this death hole invented their own line of Airwick scented candles? I really could go to a place that smells of cinnamon apples right now, honestly.
Whatever sleep that had clung itself to me was long since gone since I was dropped from the cave floor, waving good bye. I tumble and turn, shoulder knocking against rock, a hiss leaving my mouth. I can't catch my breath as it rushes past me before I can gulp it in. My mind has been left behind in the cave, leaving me with nothing more than a blank slate.
I hear the other's exclamations of surprise as we continue to go down the Rock 'n Slide of Death; flying around us at the same speed are our sleeping bags and blankets. My bag was sliding down beside me and I hoped it wasn't open; though I swear on my life - whatever might be left of it - I saw my freakin' tampon box fall out but, then again, I could have been imagining it. There was very little light and it was quickly chased away as we plunged down into darkness. I can barely make out the figures beside me, only able to tell the difference from their yelling. My own voice sticks out like a sore thumb due to being of a higher pitch.
Kili is next to me (we had somehow lost hold of each other throughout our fall), flying down the shoot with a yell escaping his mouth. I ignore the sharp jabs of immense pain all over me as I bang against the wall and flip over onto my stomach; my cheek gets a formidable sized gash before there is a turn in the slide and I bang into Kili's side. His hands are flying out beside him, trying to find something to hold on to but the entire thing is surprisingly smooth, devoid of any crack or crevice. I'm pretty sure he accidentally hits my head once but I'm too distracted to even care.
I continue to fall, my pants riding up my ass uncomfortably, leaving me with a wedgie as my jumper is yanked up, my back bare to the rock beneath me, a hiss of pain leaving my teeth as I take a gulp of the rank smelling air through my mouth. My eyes are burning from my refusal to blink, watering up at the edges as my throat begins to become raw and sore. Something takes a fistful of my jumper and I briefly look up to see it's Kili attempting to take a hold of me.
Instead of making a little jibe, I wrap my arms around around him and bury my face into his chest as we continue to go down, down, down into the darkness. Kili copies my actions, wrapping himself around me and his yelling is loud in my ear, the most prominent due to our close proximity. We're at the same height then, as in our cheeks are all but pressed up against one another as we can't help but keep our eyes focused downwards, the wind brushing through our hair. A part of me - the immature side - wants nothing more to shout "WEEEEEEEE!" while the other part, the more serious and frightened side, is just screaming and swearing.
I tighten my arms around Kili, feeling his own arms do the same as if I were a life line, when I start to see a light at the end of a tunnel and for a brief moment I think: Oh, shit; we're dead. Literally.
"Hold on!" I hear Kili manage to choke out as we grow closer and closer to the little gap in the tunnel. My answer to his order is a simple "AHHHHHHH!" as the ground gives away and we're a tumbling mass of limps as we tangle together. I'm briefly flying through the air as I tug harder on Kili and I can feel him bury his face into my neck, as if trying to disappear from the moment of our impact. We're twisting and turning, waiting for the moment that the ground hits. It feels as if we're flying - though without the safety of wings, one gravity as our friend. I can't find it within me to scream anymore, my lungs deflated and voice exhausted.
And then we hit the ground.
And Kili is on top of me.
I start to wheeze as I try to wriggle out from under the surprisingly very heavy Dwarf. "Can't. Breathe!" I gasp out as I shove at his chest. "I'm being suffocated! Help! Help! I'm dying!"
I hear Kili's groan from above me as he rests his cheek on mine, mushing my face up and making me feel so very uncomfortable from the sheer weight and the heat of his body and of our new enviroment. I begin to push at his chest in hopes to relieve myself of the excessive weight that's beginning to make it difficult to breathe.
"Goddammit Kili! The only time we should be like this if we're having sex!" My voice is muffled due to the fact his cheek is smushing my mouth and his weight is making it very hard to breathe; my words go unheard and instead of him being embarrassed and all the other Dwarves chiding me for such "vulgar" and "indecent" language for a "woman", I'm ignored. With a groan I give one final push and (finally!) I'm free from out under him. I roll onto my side while clutching at my chest as I wheeze in and out, loud enough for it to echo off of the cave walls.
"Freedom!" I laugh, smiling as I do so and ignoring the tense atmosphere that blankets us heavily. I sit up from where I lie and begin to brush down the flecks of dried dirt from my elbows and chest and shaking away the grains of sand that have began to appear in, um, other places. I take note of the little make shift cage we're in; it reminds me of a hand with swords and blades being bent so that they're like gruesome fingers (very Edward Scissor - Hands might I say)
"I wouldn't call it that," I hear Kili groan beside me as he sits up too, our arms side by side while clutching his forehead. His hair is a mess, knotted and sticking out in all directions as his cheeks take on a rather pale colour. Don't see why he has to be in pain; I'm the one that landed underneath him not the other way around, though his appearance causes me to worry.
"Are you okay?" I ask rather foolishly and he turns to me, managing to gather whatever light humour that was left in him, cocking an eyebrow.
"Do I look okay after what just happened?" It's a snap reply and I nearly wince at how sharp it is, a frown on my face. I place a hand on his shoulder, ignoring the pain that's creeping into my shoulder.
"Hey, don't worry," I comfort, forcing my smile back onto my face, replacing the frown. He flinches as his hand cradles his forehead, eyes shut tight, trying to push away any pain that is attacking him. The worry grows in my chest, pooling in my stomach and encasing my heart. "Do you need Oin? Are you going to get sick? Do you want me to hold back your hair?"
It takes him a moment to give any indication that he heard me or give a reply but he then shakes his head, strands of matted brown hair flying around him as his shoulders heave, sucking in a deep breath to dispel the light headiness that was ravaging his head. "No, no, I'm fine. It's nothing for you to worry about." It isn't very convincing.
"Yes it is," I instantly reply, not stopping my hand from doing its soothing patterns on his back. "You're my friend and I care about you and your well being." The answer did little stop my worrying and I let my hand fall from his shoulder, instead being placed against his back as I rub my hand in soothing circles, something my father used to do when I would have a stomach bug and would be hunched over a toilet.
He turns to me, as if sensing my doubt over his well being, a look of seriousness on his face. "I'm fine, Libby. I'll be alright in a minute."
I roll my eyes at his stubbornness before dropping my gaze to my legs; instantly, I wince at the sight of the dark wet patch on my pants between my legs; my ears begin to flame in embarrassment and shame as I try to tug my cloak over it and crossing my legs while keeping my head down.
I cannot believe that I actually pissed my pants!
Kili gets to his feet, his eyes narrowed as he does a survey of the place. My face is uncomfortably warm and no doubt I resemble a tomato as I try to disregard the chafing between my legs. Tears prickle my eyes at the embarrassment and shame as I draw my cloak further around me: hoping that it would swallow me up and I would never have to remember any of this.
"Libby?" I catch as I swallow the humiliation in my throat and glimpse up to see Kili kneeling down beside me so that we're the same level; he stares at me with his worried brown eyes. "What is it?"
I peed my pants.
I fucking peed my fucking pants. I am an eighteen year old woman who just fucking wet her Goddamn underwear.
"I - I don't feel so good," I falter as I continue to hold his gaze; I know that Kili doesn't believe me because he cocks an eyebrow and opens his mouth to speak.
That's when I heard it; the little screeching and the pitter - patter of feet on wood.
My eyes are drawn forward as Kili snaps his head back; I catch a herd of small, brown fugly creatures dart towards us as I get to my feet. The other Dwarves start to pick up their weapons or ball their fists in hope to fight them off but even I know that, with that many creatures, it's impossible. I'm pushed behind by Kili, only to stand beside Bilbo, who looks just as scared as I feel.
"What the fuck - ?!" I exclaim at the same time the others shout "Look out!"
Then the small creatures are upon us like wild fire.
They're smaller than me (the tallest of them just only reaching my shoulder); their skin matches the colour of walls of the cave being almost a dark, watery yellow dotted with black sores. Their nails are as sharp as knifes; they grope at my skin and pull me to my reluctant feet.
"Fucking Hell!" I yelp as I try pushing them away like the others were doing. My fist collides with one of the horrid mutants (and not the X - Men mutants either; at least some of them were good - looking) and it lets out a screech of pain before its little fist collides with my stomach and I double over in pain. "You piece of shit!" I groan as one of the creatures from behind me pull at my knotted and tangled hair; I let out a gasp of pain as my head jerks back and I almost fall over the edge of out little cage when the same horrid mutant thing pushes me forward.
Their claws are scraping at all my exposed skin and they screech at me, pushing from behind to move me along as I watch the others fight and punch their way through, often their victim is replaced by a new creature.
Hesitantly, I start to follow their actions, kicking and punching my way through the herd but it seems that when one of them fall another takes its place instantly. I feel the pain of their claws breaking skin as I'm once again tugged roughly by the hair. I bite back a swear as I'm shoved forward with the others as we're being marched along a small stone path that leads further into the darkness of the caves. Great; the exact thing I wanted!
I meet Kili's eyes as I watch him fighting and swinging his foot into a mutant's face; I start to inwardly blubber while trying to keep a stoic expression in hopes to pretend to tell him that I'm actually alright.
And, as usual, he sees right through me and knocks out another creature as he pushes and punches his way towards me; many of the creatures screech and hiss at him as the stone path disappears to merge with a rickety wooden bridge begins to slightly rock underneath my feet. My heart is in my throat as I see a mutant beside me get thrown off of the bridge, wailing as screaming as it disappears in the darkness below.
"Libby!" I catch Kili's voice over the sound of the wailing and screaming of the horrid creatures and yelling of the other Dwarves. I try to twist myself to catch a glimpse of the Dwarf.
"Kili!" I gasp back as I see that he's not far behind me and I'm about to step back towards him when one of the little shits brings his claws across my thigh; I gasp in pain and turn my head back towards the injury that is oozing blood down my leg. My hand flies to the wound, feeling the warm blood dripping through my fingers. Two of the mutant creatures beside me tug at my arms, forcing me to drop the pressure on the injury.
Through my panicked haze, I see skeletons and skulls and various other parts of bodies dotted around and strung up like ghastly Christmas decorations; the fear in my chest swells up like a balloon as I try to punch my way free. I shriek like a banshee at them as my knuckles bruise from the punching and each time I try to free myself it results in getting a slap to the face or getting knuckled to the stomach. Get to Kili, get to Kili, echoes in my mind but my body doesn't comply, the fear stilling my body from acting on orders.
I swear, if we come out of this, I am going to be black and blue all over my body. I can hear the curses of the other Dwarves as they try to fight against the herd. I can guarantee that I saw Dwalin throw one or two of the disgusting mutants off of the bridge and into the darkness below.
As we delve further into the caves my ears catch a sound that seems to be music; music! If you can believe in a place so dreary and full of decay! My mouth slackens as my mind is dumb - founded. At first, the echo of the music is somewhat welcoming then, as we continue further, it grows worse and worse.
"What the fuck?!" I gripe as my ears begin to burn and ring in pain. Whenever I try to release my arms free from the skin ripping grips of the creatures, I get a fist of knuckles to the jaw. The white hot pain blinds my vision for a moment, everything black and white before I regain myself, the world around me hazy and blurred. It still looked disgusting. Bastards.
Suddenly, we round a corner my eyes sting at the amount of light that is produced. The smell of decay worsens and I try breathing in through my mouth, ignoring the pain in my jaw; as I gaze around I see that there are thousands, maybe millions, more of the horrid creatures. I feel my throat become dry and my face scrunch up as the music comes to the point where it's everywhere and even if I could cover my eyes I would still be able to hear it.
And it appears that there is a voice singing (if you can call it that). The voice bellows through the caves, echoing off the walls and, unfortunately, to my poor, poor ears. I would give anything to be the quite deaf Oin at the moment.
"Clap, snap, the black crack," the voice rings as I'm pushed and prodded along. I feel one of the horrid grimy hands of the creatures go a bit too south behind me and I whirl around, gnashing my teeth together as I try to bark at them.
"Oi! Shit bucket! Hands! Off!" I drive my foot back, the ache in my injured leg exploding at the action and I hear a very much deserved yelp as, quite shortly, my hair is tugged again roughly and my head snaps back. I swear my head is going to get snapped off of my neck if that keeps happening. I can briefly hear Kili's shout of get your filthy hands off of her! though, honestly, he probably didn't say 'filthy'.
My, my, the handsome Prince does know how to use swear words; there is hope for him after all.
I try to find him, try to meet his eyes but I can't; everything is yellow and black and horrible. The panic and terror in my body is suffocating me and I can't think rationally, can't think about anything other than we're going to die, we're going to die with a tiny voice, the sane and sensible one, screaming at me to to find Kili, to make sure he's alright and not injured. The thought of one of the gremlins hurting him was enough to send anger rushing through my veins.
"Grip, grab, pinch and nab; batter and beat," the voice grows louder and more painful to hear as the music (can I call it that?) becomes more out of tune that I could ever imagine. I hear the others groans and I see Bifur clamp his hands over his ears in hopes to drown out the atrocity. The other Dwarves (that I can see with out straining my head around) are looking around with looks of disgust evident on their faces.
"Make them stammer and squeak! Pound, pound underground!"
I swear, I will happily take death right now if I don't have to hear more of this horrible song.
"Down, down, down in Goblin Town!"
Oh! So they're goblins! I cast a glance sideways at the two horrible looking creatures that are restricting my arms and I scrunch my nose up. Well, they are what I would imagine goblins to look like. A chorus of voices from the other goblins echo through the walls as they all sing (quite badly) along with the other voice.
Quite suddenly, I'm pulled (literally) to a stop as the Dwarves and I are rounded up with each assigned their own goblin like a bodyguard - though some (ehem, Dwalin) have more than one. Standing in front of me is Bombur (who is staring up above the heads of the others), Dori (who is staring disgusted sideways at whatever is in front) and Ori (who looks to be trembling with fear).
I can barely see over Dori's head as I try to pull my arms free from the goblins that have tightened their hold on me. I growl at both of them, pushing them away as I try to get into the sea of familiar people. I end up wedged behind Bombur and in front of Fili - who instantly takes a hold of me by gripping my hand.
"Do not speak a word," he whispers in a warning voice as I look at him, confused and feeling even more scared - if that was possible. Following his point straight gaze, my eyes land on the most grotesque creature one can ever imagine.
His skin is a pale, oozy flat pink and yellow colour that is spotted with multiple boils on his face. His head is topped with a gruesome crown made of bones and his hair is made up of a few, stringy strands and holds so much grease it could fill a chip pan. A terribly designed loin cloth covers his, um, thingy with his stomach making it look like it's about to burst and - oh my fucking God!
What the fuck is that? Is that like a fucking beard? Is that like a penis covering, fat induced beard? I feel my stomach churn at the sight of him as my mouth begins to taste of bile.
"Oh, God; that looks way too much like Jabba the Hut," I shiver. No, no; because at least Jabba doesn't fucking sing and at least all his minions aren't as fucking ugly as these dudes. "Oh, holy shit I think I'm going to vomit."
"Shh!" Fili hisses as his grip on my hand tightens as the fucking goblin - mutant - whatever it is begins to dance.
"With a swish and smack, and a whip and a crack; everybody talks when they're on my rack!"
I try to stop myself from shouting out or dry retching at the sight of the Goblin (lets face it; I'm more prone to do the latter of the two) as I try to focus on nothing but my breathing and Fili's reassuring grip on my hand.
"Pound, pound, far underground! Down, down, down in Goblin Town!"
His little minions repeat the chorus just as dreadfully as the man (at least . . . I think it's a guy; I have no idea) himself. I stare at the Goblin that is far more taller and fatter than the other Goblins I can see; obviously, by the crown and the cruel staff that is nothing like Gandalf's, he's probably a King.
"Hammer and tongs, get out your knockers and gongs," the Goblin swings his staff down and it quickly impales another Goblin that is far smaller; I listen to the little squeak of pain that escapes it as the bigger Goblin (you know what? I think I shall call him, affectionately, Bob the Blob) raises his staff.
"You won't last long on the end of my prongs!" Bob the Blob twirls his staff before throwing the smaller Goblin over our heads. I watch it sail far beyond us and gulp; if a King can treat his, well, subjects like that then I really do not want to think about what he can do to us.
"Crash, clash, crush and smash! Bang, break, shiver and shake!"
"Oh, God, this is not how I wanted to die," I groan to Fili, "Fili, dude, I just want to say that, if we die, then I think you're pretty awesome."
"Hush, Libby, don't speak like that," I know he tries to reassuring but he says it through clenched teeth and he glares at Bob the Blob with as much hate as I would at exercise.
"I feel like this should be a time for confessions," I blather on, ignoring what he said as I try to force myself to not shake. "Truth is, and I say this with as much kindness as I can, but, dude, you are really hot and I think your moustache is totally bad - ass."
"Of course," Fili stresses, obviously not paying attention to my words as the Goblins behind us jostle and poke and prod at us while singing along with their King. I roll my eyes as I continue to spout nonsense due to the fear and tiredness that is making me quite drunk and putting a block between the words in my mind to the words that are being spoken.
"And, also," I continue as I feel my teeth start to chatter; I try to speak with out biting my tongue off. "I think your brother is super cute and nice and gorgeous and funny and, if we were back at where I'm from, then, my God, I would probably snog the face off of him."
"Sure, sure," Fili lulls on as a muscle in his jaw pops."Now be quie - wait, what?" Fili's bright blue eyes drop to mine, shocked and dark as if I told him the worst piece of news possible, as I let out a shrug before the voice of Bob the Blob, breaking our little moment.
"You can yammer and yelp, but there ain't no help! Pound, pound, far underground! Down, down, down in Goblin Town!"
I watch with mild horror and a lot of disgust as Bob the Blob starts to stand on the balls of his seriously fucked up feet and twirl as though he was a ballerina. If someone let that be a ballerina it would be a seriously messed up ballet. As Bob the Blob spins, his staff swings over our heads. As being very short, I don't have to duck as it whooshes over my head as the others quickly bend down.
Please, let this be over!
The bloody Goblin bastard holds the notes of the last line for a while and I feel irritation begin to swell up like a balloon in me. If he is going to kill us at least do it now; you always see someone holding out on killing someone and then, poof, they're dead then and everyone is happy because the hero is alive.
A pounding brought me from my thoughts as Bob the Blob clashes his staff against the wooden floor that I am beginning to wonder how it can hold his weight. Instantly, as he finishes singing, silence fills the cave; I feel the need to cough sneak up on me and, due to the silence, I try to smother it by swallowing my own saliva as quick as I can.
"Catchy, isn't it?" Bob the Blob says in a happy tone; his voice is croaky and deep. It makes me want to cringe or cut his throat. I watch as he gets to his disgusting throne, using a pile of Goblins as a foot stool. I scrunch my nose up as the whine under the weight of Bob the Blob. "It's one of my own compositions!"
That is certainly not something to be proud of, mate; that really sucked balls. I snigger inwardly as I slap a hand over my mouth to stop myself from coughing and having attention drawn to me. I make a silent gurgle at the back of my throat in an attempt to soothe the itchiness.
"That is not a song," Balin speaks out, voicing my own thoughts about the music. "That is an abomination!"
You go, Balin!
The others let out shouts of agreement to the statement that Balin had said and Fili lets out a dissatisfied grunt beside me. With the sudden loudness I let out a meek cough, sighing as the annoyance in my throat creeps away. Focus, Libby; there are more important things at hand here.
"Abominations, mutations, deviations," Bob the Blob words quite casually, throwing his arms out beside him like a really ugly, fat, gross looking bird. "That's all you're going to find down here."
Quite suddenly, Bob the Blob slams his staff on the ground and the crowd of Goblins around us start to descend; their grimy fingers searching the bodies of the Dwarves as their swords and any kind of weapons are thrown down in a pile at the very front of the group. I manage to duck my head and shrink as I watch a Goblin search Fili, his hand still firmly gripping mine. I stare with awe as the Goblin pulls away Fili's knives (that are everywhere; seriously, I wouldn't be surprised if he kept two or three down his pants) that are the easiest to find and they are confiscated and passed to the front.
I go unnoticed, somehow, and I manage to stand still as the Goblins pass over me. My own dagger is lying forgotten in my bag that I have tucked underneath my cloak so it just looks like I'm pregnant with my baby bump on my hip.
Bob the Blob glares at the pile of swords that are in front of him before jumping down from his - if I can call it - throne, his beady and buggy eyes staring down at us, with disgust and dislike. "Who would be so bold as to come armed into my kingdom?"
Well, us apparently.
The fact he genuinely sounds so offended and mad at the notion that we actually did "enter" his kingdom armed is all but amusing. He must not get out much if he thinks nobody carries weapons around with them out there.
Wow; it's so strange as to how easy I can say that. I mean, back home you wouldn't have had to carry weapons with you in the bright of day. But then again, everything is different here. Really different. I should write a book about this place and publish it. That'd be cool. Sorry, got off track.
"Spies?" Bob the Blob's voice pitches an octave higher as he stands to his full height, his buggy and pale eyes narrowing down at us. "Thieves? Assassins?!"
Yeah, because you can totally see me being like Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad or Ezio Auditore.
Bob the Blob's voice echoes through the caves as his (ugly) face contorts in anger and fury. Same thing, I guess. I wince at how high his voice is and squeeze Fili's hand so tightly that I think I may have broken a bone or two. Fili gives my hand gentle squeeze back in hopes to comfort me but my nerves are on high alert and jittery as I try to force myself to stand still.
"It'll be alright, I'll protect you," Fili mutters to me in a soft voice, leaning in closer to me so I could hear, as I let out a hum, making him believe that I trust his words.
"Dwarves, you malevolence," says a Goblin (who I shall call, with as much love intended, Kiss Ass) from the front. I grunt at his words. I mean, okay, yes, I am the height of a Dwarf and it isn't really a big deal being considered one but Jesus Christ, when I do get called a Dwarf, it's always "why don't you have a beard" or "why do you look like a woman"? Blah, blah, blah, etc., etc.
"Dwarves?!" Bob the Blob repeats Kiss Ass' words with shock and stares down at him, obviously a bitter taste in his mouth at the word. I stand on the balls of my feet as I see Kiss Ass step forward, dribbling and drooling like an over - sized (really ugly and foul looking) baby.
"We found them on the front porch," Kiss Ass answered, gesturing back to us. Yeah, after you fucking pulled the ground out from under us and made us lose some much needed sleep. Plus I was in the middle of cuddling a really kind and sweet guy so double fuck you, sir.
"Well, don't just stand there!" Bob the Blob spat to the others, with his voice booming and swinging his arm in front of him. "Search them!"
This time, I'm not left alone as I'm instantly torn away from Fili's safe grip as a Goblin races his filthy hands over my body. Fili lets out a yell, maybe my name, as he attempts to take my hand but he's pulled away before I can grab it. I watch helplessly as he's surrounded by Goblins, being searched and picked apart for weapons. I can feel the Goblin searching me tear my bag away from me, the strap slipping over my head easily as he throws it up ahead. I send a quick foot to his groin, glaring down at him. I push him away as instantly another Goblin grabs me from behind, he's smaller and looks to be younger.
"Don't fucking touch me, you shit - bucket!" I cuss as I drive my elbow into his face.
"Every crack! Every crevice!" Bob the Blob rings out from his place near his throne as an amused look flits over his face. From a space between the group, I see a Goblin take Oin's hearing trumpet, throwing it to the ground before slamming his foot on it.
Poor Oin.
A Goblin grabs Nori's bag, that is bulging to the extent it might just rip, and turns the bag upside down; I watch with awe as masses of objects ranging from forks to salt shakers, spoons to candle sticks pour out onto the wooden platform. Holy shit, Nori is a kleptomaniac.
"It is my belief, your great protuberance," Kiss Ass announces. Oh my God, I just want to punch you in the fucking face. "That they are in league with the Elves!"
Wait, what?
Kiss Ass holds up a shiny, golden candle - holder up for Bob the Blob to see, said person - or rather, said Goblin takes it in his over large and grimy hand, turning it upside down to gaze at the bottom of the candle - holder. Bob the Blob's eyes narrow as he reads what ever is written. Wow, Goblins can read?
" 'Made in Rivendell' . . . " Bob the Blob says, Rivendell flowing off his tongue dripped in acid. He looks apathetic as he stares down at a sheepish Nori. "Second age; couldn't give it away." With these words, he flings the golden candle - holder over the edge of the platform, the metal clattering against the rock.
My mouth drops open as everyone, including Nori's brother, Dori, turns towards him and stares at said Dwarf with a disapproving eye.
"Just a couple of keepsakes," Nori defends himself, as though it was something that could not have been helped. I roll my eyes at the Dwarf before crossing my arms over my chest. Bob the Blob spares him a glance before turning his beady eyes towards the rest of us, resting on his crude decorated staff.
"What are you doing in these parts?" Bob the Blob questioned as his eyes flitted around, Dwarf to Dwarf while waiting for someone to answer.
Oh, we just came here for a holiday, you know a little R and R; I mean, what else speaks of great relaxation than being kidnapped and interrogated by a Jabba the Hut look alike while being felt up by his cronies?
In front I see Thorin stare up at Bob the Blob with pure hate; as Thorin goes to step forward and speak, Oin claps a hand on his shoulder, pulling the Dwarf King back as he, himself, steps up. "Eh, don't worry lads," and lady - well, girl. "I'll handle this."
Well, we're fucked.
The others start looking at him, confused and quite worried, as they too probably thought exactly what I thought.
"No tricks!" Bob the Blob shouts, as he begins to back up near his throne with his penis beard jiggling in the most disgusting yet mesmerizing way. I never want to repeat that sentence ever again. "I want the truth! Warts and all."
Ugh, just, no.
"You're goin' to have to speak up!" Oin says, as he hold his flattened trumpet to show what had happened. "Your boys flattened my trumpet."
Instantly, Bob the Blob turns angry as his buggy eyes narrow down at Oin. He gets off of his throne as his voice is laced with fury at Oin's words. Damn, this guy is worse than me when I'm on my period.
"I'll flatten more than just your trumpet!" Bob the Blob's voice rises to a shout near the end of is threat, echoing off the walls. He swings his fist into a stand, smashing it into pieces and sending it flying over the edge. Well, we're doomed.
As Bob the Blob looks and is close to skewering Oin, Bofur steps up, pushing Oin behind him and making every eye turn to him. Oh God, what the Hell is he going to say now? "If it's information you want, I'm the one you should speak to!" Bofur squeaks as his voice shakes and pitches higher in certain words, showing just how nervous he is.
I watch in relief as the anger melts away from Bob the Blob's face, his fist that was risen slowly dropping as he stares down at Bofur, who wasn't quite expecting the silence to come so easily. Bob the Bob lets out a sound, as though pressuring Bofur to continue.
My hands twitch as I force myself not to start chewing on my fingernails as the anxiety is becoming a bit overwhelming. Don't fuck up; please, please, please don't fuck up.
"We were on the road," Bofur continues, pausing briefly while looking thoughtful, "well, not so much a road as a path. Actually, it's not even that come to think of it; it's more like a track." I wince at his words, while glimpsing up at Bob the Blob, who is looking less and less impressed by minute. Bob the Blob briefly lifts his eyes up to the ceiling as though thinking 'shut up' while Bofur continues to blather on. "Anyway, the point is we were on this road like a path like a track, and then we weren't."
Bofur spreads his arms apart as I will him to shut up because by the looks of it, Bob the Blob is not very amused by his little speech. "Which is a problem," he pauses slightly while pointing his index finger at Bob the Blob, his voice getting slower, "because we were supposed to be in Dunland last Tuesday?" His voice pitches near the end, making the statement appear like a question.
Bofur turns to Dori who instantly chimes in with his own voice high and shaky. "Visiting distant relations!" Wow, these guys should start an Improv group.
Bofur shakes his head eagerly in agreement as he turns back to Bob the Blob. "Some inbred's on me mother's side - " I'm sorry, what?
Bob the Blob slams his staff on the ground, obviously having enough of Bofur's blabbering. "Shut. Up!" His voice booms around the cave, slamming his staff with each word. I wince as Bofur opens his mouth before closing it again.
Bob the Blob points towards us, looking quite livid. "If they will not talk, we'll make them squawk!" I do not like the sound of that. "Bring up the mangler! Bring up the bone breaker!" Bob the Blob orders his Goblins, turning around to face those all around on the cave walls as they cheer. "Start with the youngest!"
Bob the Blob points to a very scared and shaking Ori and my eyes widen in shock. No, no, no, not Ori! He didn't do anything wrong! My heart leaps in my throat as horror blooms in my stomach, panic soon following. No!
"WAIT!"
Silence echoes through the caves, as they turn to the source of the voice. The Dwarves stiffen as they begin to turn their torsos and heads around to see the voice that had spoken.
I stand glaring up at the Goblin as the others stare up at me in shock; Thorin, who was about to yell out himself, looks at me with wide eyes as I ignore them, hoping to keep my cool as my fists clench at my side. Bob the Blob notices me, quite surprised as a sly smile curls at his lips. I instantly regret deciding to speak up, my stomach tying itself into knots as my hands begin to shake uncontrollably, my mouth dry and tongue like cotton.
"Well, what do we have here," he murmurs in a low voice as I slip my lower bottom lip into my mouth. "A woman." He turns to his minions as they snicker in a way that has my skin crawling.
I let out a huff as I watch the Goblins pull and push the Dwarves away, creating a path for me to walk up through. I try to ignore the Dwarves stares as I straighten my back and jut out my chin; the only pair of eyes that strikes me down silently inside are the ones belonging to a certain brown haired Dwarf. I meet Kili's eyes briefly and I can read the message that is within them: don't do this. I shake my head slightly as I turn away from him as I stand out in from of the group. You know what they say, third time's the charm. At least I hope it is. I really do not want to die.
"Well, yes, I do believe myself to be a woman," I say, not surprised at how shaky I am. I stop in front of Bob the Blob, craning my head back to look at the ugly Goblin; gosh, he's even more disgusting up close. "And I am here to give you a warning: let us go or face a painful death."
Bob the Blob stares down at me, shocked and confused before a great bellow of laughter escapes him, soon followed by the chortles of his minions. "And what are you, a woman, a mere child, going to do?"
Yeah, Libby, what are you going to do?
Oh God, think, think, think! Anything, just say anything!
"It is not what I am going to do," I threatened as I gulped, saying the first thing that came to mind. "I am Aurora, the daughter of . . . of . . . " Shit, just say anything! "of . . . of Khal Drogo! A fierce and deadly man who is chieftain to the Dothraki people," Game of Thrones? Really? "His men has slain many villages and his army is great in numbers. They are well known horse lords that reside in . . . " Oh God, why didn't I ever watch further than episode two? "in . . . in a far away land known as . . . as . . . as M - M . . . McVitie's Digestive!"
I don't even know what is wrong with me anymore.
"I have heard of them, your greatness," Kiss Ass dribbles from beside me. I turn to him, eyebrows raised. Oh, my God! I can't believe this is working! "I have heard of the blood shed that is on their swords!" Yeah, sure you have.
"Erm, yes! Their armies are called the, uh, the, um, the - the Jellybabies! It is because they do not spare even children!" I pipe in as I turn back towards Bob the Blob who looks to have paled dramatically, his beady eyes darting back and forth between Kiss Ass and I. "So, if you do not let us go alive then my father will kill all of you!"
Check and mate, bitches.
An Oscar worthy performance. Watch out Meryl Streep.
Bob the Blob narrows his eyes as he stares down at me, resting himself against his staff. "Then tell me, what are you doing in my kingdom?" Think, think, think Libby! I pause for a moment before I sift through my mind and deciding that, well, T.V just got me out of a mess, surely it can help me more?
"Well," I begin, quite nonchalantly as I gulp, "we - myself and my friends - were on our way to . . . to a . . . a gay gypsy bar - mitzvah for the disabled! And, well, during the journey I got tired and thought 'Gosh, I am very tired, I think I'll go and rest in a cave on a mountain while I'm soaking wet'."
I hear the confused and mind boggled murmur's of Goblins and Dwarves alike as they try to interpret my words. Bob the Blob himself screws his face up while trying to decipher what I said before shaking his head, more angry than before as he glares down at me with his voice booming. "Tell me, Aurora, daughter of Khal Drogo, if I were to let you leave, alive, would we ourselves be left alive by the sword of your father's?"
My hands shake beside me but I forced myself to stare up at his hideous face. "Yes; I promise that you would all live in exchange for myself and my friends to leave alive." Jesus Christ, go me! I didn't even faint or cry! Or pee my pants! As I finish speaking a crude and smug smile appears on Bob the Blob's face.
"Then you have my word, Aurora, daughter of Khal Drogo," Bob the Blob replies, bowing so low that his penis beard is resting on the ground. "You shall leave alive - " I let out a breath of relief at the words and go turn smile towards the Dwarves, meeting the eyes of Kili instantly as he lets out a breath of relief. These guys needed to have more faith in me, honestly. I want to be able to smile at him and say I had this all planned out before giving that stupid Dwarf a hug when Bob The Blob speaks again. " - but not without a price."
My face drops as does my heart as I turn back to face Bob the Blob when snaps his fingers and there's a scuffle behind me as two pairs of hands take my arms and force me down onto my knees, the wind getting knocked out of my lungs. I hear the roars of the Dwarves as Bob the Blob laughs evilly.
I struggle against the two Goblins that grip my arms tight enough that if they add even the slightest bit of pressure I'm sure my arms would be broken. "What the fuck are you doing?!" I gasp through gritted teeth; Bob the Blob bends down in front of me, one of his grimy sausage like fingers slipping under my chin and forcing me to look into his ugly and disgusting face.
"I said I would let you leave alive - I didn't say you would leave unharmed," Bob the Blob hisses evilly as his finger nail starts to dig into my skin. The bead of blood that follows the pinch of pain trickles down my neck, soon followed by another. I muster up as much courage as I can as I gather saliva in my mouth before spitting into his eye.
A roar leaves his mouth as Bob the Blob stands up, his mouth pulled back showing the yellow rows of his sharp teeth. "Make her suffer! Make her squeal!"
"Wait!"
Well, it's about fucking time.
I manage to crane my head back enough to see Thorin step forward as I glance through the curtain of my hair. The silence is a lot worse than when I had spoken up and I fight the urge to scream AWKWARD SILENCE as loud as possible as I try to fight the two Goblins that are holding me down despite my resistance.
"Well, well, well . . . " I glance forward top see Bob the Blob reeling back, his eyes glancing down at Thorin with a crude smile playing at his lips having obviously recognising the Dwarf. Does fucking everyone know Thorin "Look who it is; Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror! King under the Mountain!" Bob the Blob exaggerates as he gives a mock bow, his penis beard scraping against the floor.
I glimpse at a not so amused Thorin as I try to send him signals that are ranging from thank you to thanks for waiting long enough for me to get fucking attacked to what the fuck are you doing?! I try to give my arms tug but it only results in a sharp fire like pain spreading through my body. Hissing, I turn back to watch as Bob the Blob stands up, an almost innocent like look on his face (yeah fucking right).
"Oh! But I'm forgetting: you don't have a mountain! And you're not a King!" Bob the Blob taunts, his little ugly penis beard jiggling heartily on his, ehem, lower region. "Which makes you . . . nobody really." He shakes his head, a faux sad look on his disgusting face as though he is feeling sad about the whole thing.
Ouch, that's outta hurt. Fucking bastard.
I see a flicker of emotion pass through Thorin's face: almost a mix of hate, anger, pain and more hate. Yes, there is a lot of hate there.
"I know someone . . . " Bob the Blob started again, his voice taking a cold and chilly tone as he stared down at a still silent Thorin; I could feel a threat coming just by the look on his face and the tone of his voice as he continued. "Who would pay a pretty price for your head; just the head," and there's the threat, "nothing attached. Perhaps you know of who I speak?"
Well, he obviously fucking doesn't with the stink eye Thorin's giving you; what the fuck is with everyone speaking in riddles here? Keeping my running commentary to myself, my eyes flicker to the Dwarf King as his glaring eyes narrow at Bob the Blob while said Goblin's smile grows wider. This is not good at all. "An old enemy; a pale orc astride a white warg."
Oh, shit.
I have no idea who that is but that does not sound good.
Indeed it didn't for Thorin's face falls for a brief nanosecond before anger replaces his stoic expression. "Azog the Defiler was destroyed!" Thorin's voice rings in fury, though it shook only a bit. "He was slain in battle long ago!" Obviously not, mate, if he's going around asking for your head.
Bob the Blob lets out a low and dark chuckle as he leans against his bone staff. "So you think his defiling days are done, do you?" Bob the Blob's takes on a menacing tone as he leans towards Thorin and lets out a laugh before turning towards a little Goblin - who i just noticed is sitting on a little swing - with the crude smile still on his horrible and ugly face. "Send word to the pale orc! Tell him I have found his prize!"
Well, so much for leaving alive.
"Bones will be shattered, necks will be wrung! You'll be beaten and battered, from racks you'll be wrung!"
Great; another fucking song about being tortured. Isn't this just brilliant. I'm still being held down by the two Goblins as other little Goblins drag some very horrid looking torture machines are being dragged towards us. I feel like groaning or crying or maybe both.
The Dwarves watch with scrunched up faces as the Goblins sift through their weapons pile, inspecting each and every sword, dagger, axe or arrow. One Goblin holds - as I remember - Thorin's sword, staring at the scabbard with a keen interest while Bob the Blob continues to sing his dreadful song.
"You'll die down here and never be found! Down in the deep of Goblin Town - !"
Quite suddenly the Goblin shrieks an ear shattering scream as it uncovers the sword and drops it to the the ground. The two Goblins holding my arms drop me so instantly I splat face first into the rotten wooden platform. Bob the Blob lets out a yells as he backs up into his throne. "I know that sword!" he cries, pointing a finger at it. "It is the Goblin cleaver! The biter, the blade that sliced thousands!"
I quickly jump to my feet, backing away while staring at the sword; the Goblin cleaver, eh? I cock my head to the side as I try to think of maybe using it against Bob the Blob. Could I threaten him to let us go? If I killed him what would hap -
"Hey, you!"
I break my eye contact with the sword as I reel them up to see the fury of Bob the Blob.
"Who?"
"You!"
"Who, me?"
"This is your sword!"
Huh?
"What?! Nah, man!" I say, a little dumb founded. What on Earth made him come to that conclusion? Do I look like I could wield a sword? Honestly?
"I see the way you stare at it!" Bob the Blob accuses, his mouth pulled back to show his rows of yellowed and rotted teeth. "Grab her! Take her!"
I'm tackled from behind as two Goblins take my arms. I hear the Dwarves start to exclaim, saying that it isn't mine but Bob the Blob pays no heed to them. Bob the Blob screeches at a fellow Goblin pal - or I think it's screeching; he's using lower and higher pitches and I can just make out some garbled tongue. My heart is pounding in my chest as I try to throw the two Goblins off of me.
A bead of sweat starts to fall down my temple as the Goblin that Bob the Blob was speaking to slowly walks towards me, brandishing a dagger. Oh, God, I'm going to die! I let out a gasp as I try my hardest to free my arms when a fiery hot pain explodes in my left arm. I let out a scream, as I slump slightly; the goddamn bastard broke my arm! Or wrist; I have no idea with my mind being a mess due to the pain and the fear.
"Leave her!"
"Don't you touch her!"
"Stop! Don't you dare!"
"Libby!"
I hardly hear the voices of the Dwarves as the Goblin with the dagger slowly walks around me. My head is snapped back with so much force that I am positive that he could have broken my neck if he wanted to. First, the pain in my arm is drowned out as I try to figure out what is going to happen when the first strike of pain hits me.
His nails are digging into my scalp as he grabs tufts of my hair; with the amount of pain I first think that he is actually taking of my scalp. Blood starts to run into my eyes as my hair is being ripped from their roots. What is going on?
I let out a pain filled cry as the knife tore and hacked it's way across my scalp, the blood running into my eyes and stinging; the metallic taste of the dark redness stains my tongue. My throat begins to turn raw as my screams and cries echo through the cave. I can't hear anything else even if I wanted to. I can feel beads of blood running down all around my face and neck as the Goblin's knife's tip slashes like lighting across the back of my neck. I know it isn't a deep cut and it probably won't be life threatening but with the amount of pain that is exploding through my body, lacing it's way across every bone, it feels like I'm going to die. Finally, with one final slice and one last scream, I'm let go; the Goblins let go of my arms as the other lets my head go. I fall back not onto the rotten wooden platform, but a cloud of golden blonde hair.
I scrunch the softness in my palms, watching with horror as they become stained with blood, sticking to my palm. I don't want to reach up and see what is left because I would probably have a mental break down. My breathing is ragged and uneven as I try to not cry; the water in my eyes have gathered but I swallow the lump in my throat. I stare at the mess, unable t hear the shouts of Dwarves and Goblins alike, only staring in horror at the sight of my once soft and golden honey hair lying in puddles around me. My entire body is shaking and the tears are threatening to spill, an ocean ready to burst forth with wave after wave falling down my cheeks.
I will not give that fucking bastard the satisfaction of seeing me cry; I will not let the others see me cry. I try to stand to my feet, getting on my hands and knees as I watch the blood drip off my cheeks, chin and nose and onto the soft puddle of blonde. "Dishonor! It is a sad day when a Dwarf is dishonored!" Bob the Blob cackles evilly as I continue to get to my feet.
I attempt to stand but fall down to my knees again with a cry as my head spins and my body aches. I hear the sound of laughter from the Goblins at my pathetic attempt as the sound boots against the wooden panels become prominent and I'm caught by a pair of strong warm arms before I can fall flat onto my face. I fall against a chest as I try to wipe the blood away from my eyelashes.
"Shh, it's alright," the voice speaks into my ear as I clutch at his forearms. I glance up through my bloodied and heavy eyelashes to meet Kili's worried and angered eyes. My lower lip trembles, my breathing ragged and shallow as his hand reaches up to brush whatever is left of my hair away from my red forehead. My fingers curl around the once long locks on the floor, holding them in my palm as I swallow a sob.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, raspy and unable to see past the pain ravaging my body. "I tried, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I failed, I failed. I'm weak, I'm useless, I'm a burden. I can't do anything right. His eyes are pained, lined with anger as he continues to softly brush the hacked ends of my hair away from my face, sweeping them around the curve of my ear. It takes everything within me to not cry. Another round of laughter - one more hearty and bellowed than that of the Goblins - breaks our eye contact and I stare at Bob the Blob as he slaps his knee while his penis beard jiggles.
"My, what entertainment!" The fat Goblins booms as I glare at him with watery eyes through Kili's sheltered arms around me. "The She - Dwarf, has a male! This will certainly make everything so much more interesting!" the Fat Goblin gets off of his throne and staggers towards Kili and I, an amused glint in his dark and glazed eyes. His voice drops to a menacing tone, cold and cruel just as he is. "She - Dwarves are very weak when it comes to their loved ones - especially if they were to, say, be tortured in front of their very eyes."
I can practically hear Kili growl at the threat. I rest a hand on his chest as I stare up at the fat Goblin with as much hate I can muster, anger and hatred winning the battle over fear and fright.
"It's a good thing then," I pant as I begin to stand on my wobbly legs with Kili helping me up by the elbows; all eyes are on us, I can feel it due to the pinpricks in my back as I manage to let out a shaky breath before turning back towards the fat Goblin. "That I am not a Dwarf."
As the Goblin goes to open his mouth and utter his retort there is a burst of bright white light, throwing each and every Goblin away from us. I let out a gasp as Kili shelters me from the blast that has pebbles of rock spewing everywhere, burying his face into what was left of my hair. I cover my face into his chest with my hands clutching at his coat as the ringing in my ears slowly fades away.
Through the curtain of Kili's brown hair, I see a silhouette of a man, a man who is very tall with a pointy hat and -
"Gandalf," I breathe in relief, almost bursting into sobs at how happy I am to see the old wizard. Instead of crying, I just tighten my hold on Kili as a balloon of happiness swells in my chest. Kili returns the squeeze as a light smile tugs at the corner of his lips.
"Take up arms! Fight!" Gandalf orders in a voice that rivals even Thorin's commanding one. "FIGHT!"
You don't need to tell me twice.
This is literally over 9,000 words and I think that this is pretty darn good; Libby showed courage, I managed to work in a Game of Thrones and Doctor Who reference and I know you guys probably hate me about what happened to Libby but, you know, character development! And if you are confused, she only got her hair chopped off.
I've read a few fics where hair is very important in Dwarven culture, from marriage to being a warrior and such. To them, in terms of fanon, what happened to Libby is one of the highest levels of being disgraced and disrespected.
A lot of references to my favourite fandoms in this chapter, from musicals to tv shows. See if you can pick them out!
Thanks for reading!