Fanfiction: Monster
Category: Web Shows (Youtube)
Chapter: 0
Author: Sakura Lawliet
Editor: Quietgirl117 (Wattpad)
Word Count: 9,407
Disclaimer: I do not own Youtube (obviously) or any of its users. I especially do not own Jacksepticeye, Markiplier, muyskerm, LordMinion777, and any other YouTuber mentioned in this writing piece. I only take credit for the plot and story.
Warning(s): Contains themes consistent with cancer and death; if this triggers you then I suggest you do not read this story.
"Thank ye so much, Mark!" Jack said for the thousandth time that hour, as he entered Mark's car from the passenger side. "This means so much to me!" He threw his bag into the back seat at Mark's suggestion.
Mark quickly glanced over at the younger male from the corner of his eye, as he also entered the car and started up the engine. "Jack, I told you already, you don't need to keep thanking me for something so small." Mark's eyes locked with Jack's sparkling one's, and he found himself momentarily frozen with thoughts of how beautifully colored they were.
"It's not small at all, I know how busy ye are and ye still invite me to ye'r home so warmly." Jack continued, effectively snapping Mark out of his daze so he could turn his complete attention back to controlling the car without distraction and getting them out of the airports parking lot. Mark shook his head slightly to rid himself of any leftover daze that might have lingered before he chuckled at Jack's reply when the words the other male said finally settled into Mark's thoughts.
"Oh, come on, Jack. Why wouldn't I let you stay over at my house for a little while?" Mark scoffed, "I'm not so busy that I couldn't help a friend out."
Jack pouted slightly, with something to say, opening his mouth to do so, but Mark continued instead.
"Plus, it was my idea for you to come down, I knew you needed some time away from home, why would I not allow you to stay with me?"
Jack sighed, "I know, but still, it means a lot..." Mark glanced over to his friend, noticing how he had his head slightly lowered to observe the fingers that restlessly picked at each other in his lap.
Mark pressed his lips together in thought as he paid his parking ticket and left the lot, silence following their ride to Mark's home.
Mark didn't know if the silence between them was comfortable or not, he wasn't very knowledgeable in the class of silence's. Although, Mark did know that Jack wasn't a silent person, he was the exact opposite and the fact that the green-haired gamer kept his mouth glued shut unnerved Mark quite so. Mark's mission? He would bring Jack back to his usual self, no family problems will get in Mark's way to lift Jack's troubling thoughts.
Mark remembers very clearly, getting a call in the early dark hours from a quiet, whispering Jack as he tried to hide the cracking in his voice from wild emotions. Mark felt his grip tighten on the steering wheel while pulling into his driveway as he remembered every quiet whimper the younger attempted to hide while he tried to explain everything that was going on over the phone.
Though, to be honest, even now Mark doesn't know exactly what went wrong, but he knew Jack was utterly devastated and needed something to keep his mind busy... or someone to keep his mind busy? Yeah, someone as goofy and stupid as Mark to keep his mind off things that shouldn't be dwelled upon. Mark quickly shook his head of such weird thoughts before turning off the engine to his car after parking. He turned to face Jack who was back to picking at his fingers again and Mark was starting to wonder if that was something he did when he was nervous.
"We're here. Welcome to my lovely home." Mark said, hurrying to open the car door so he can get out. "I'll get your suitcase from the trunk," Mark said, closing the car door and moving behind the vehicle to fetch Jack's other luggage. Mark closed the trunk, rolling the suitcase next to him. He looked up to already see Jack standing next to him with his bag strapped over his shoulder. Mark gave Jack a smile and watched as he gave a smile back before Mark lead them to the front door.
After getting Jack settled into the guest room, Mark was glad to see him a little more relaxed and comfortable as time went on. Mark hoped that Jack would be able to let himself have fun with his stay here and not worry too much about whatever had him in such a mess. Mark found himself giving Jack another grin, and was blithe to get one equally as sunny back.
"So..." Mark started, reaching up to scratch the back of his head, "I know you just got here and you may be very tired from a long plane ride, but it's only 7:5-, about 8pm." Jack chuckled, seeming to know where Mark was trying to go with this. "We could stay up a few more hours and play some games together, or you could go to bed now." Mark offered, shrugging his shoulders in mock indifference, "It's your choice."
Jack checked his watch, "Well, it's, like, 2 or 3am back at home and I usually stay up that late anyways," he looked up to Mark, "A few more hours couldn't hurt, plus, I admit I slept a few hours on the plane ride here."
"Great!" Mark exclaimed, reaching without thought to grab Jack's wrist to pull him to the living room in excitement. Meanwhile, as Mark pulled Jack through his home, he didn't see Jack's expression as the younger male gazed down at the grip Mark had on him, and Mark probably won't have wanted to see it either. Mark wouldn't have been able to handle such a saddened look.
Jack opened his eyes to the ceiling of Mark's living room. Lightly groaning, he lifted himself into a sitting position on the couch he passed out on last night. He looked next to him to see Mark had also passed out, with his body slouched over the couch arm, the X-Box paddle dangerously balanced on his leg and his glasses half slid down his nose. One of his legs were folded under him and Jack winced knowing that it had probably lost circulation and would give Mark a hell amount of those weird, painful tingles when he moved the poor limb.
Jack pulled himself off the couch and onto his feet, his bones and joints making a lot of popping noises and pain. Jack bit his lip, pausing for a moment to wait for the pain to edge away, before he moved to grab the paddle off of Mark's knee and to place it back to where he first saw Mark obtain it from last night. He turned the Tv and X-Box off as well, to keep from wasting more electricity that Mark would have to pay for. Jack's wrist caught his eyes when he was pulling his hand back from the Tv.
Jack frowned, seeing that the very same wrist that Mark grabbed him by last night had gained a nasty bruise. He sighed, eyes softening in sorrow, as he quickly moved to switch his bracelets to his bruised wrist in order to cover the disgusting blemish. He didn't wish to worry Mark over something so small.
He glanced back at the sleeping 20-something year old and stretched a smile over his mouth as he silently moved to him, gently slipping his glasses off so they wouldn't fall on their own accord and break; he placed them on the coffee table. Jack paused momentarily at the peaceful-looking Mark, he looked so relaxed, and Mark was so happy that Jack was finally here...
Jack bit his lip, turning his head to look for the clock. He tried to eliminate such thoughts and decided a nice warm shower would be good for this early 7:47 morning.
Although, when Jack got out of the shower he wasn't expecting the typical American breakfast of bacon, eggs and hashbrowns with toast. Mark grinned at him across the counter as he made the two plates with leftovers to spare them some seconds if they wanted. Jack sat at the bar as Mark pushed a plate towards him. "I'm not the finest cook, so don't expect anything to taste good," Mark laughed at himself making Jack smile. "However, those hashbrowns are probably the only thing that may taste good anyway, because they were canned and all I had to do was heat them up."
Jack chuckled at him, taking a bit of his food, "It's fine, Mark," Jack said, trying to condol, "It's not that terrible..." He grinned.
Mark groaned, "Oh man, I knew I wasn't any good at cooking." He gave another smile to Jack and Jack felt his chest warm.
Mark pulled his plate to the seat next to Jack and began eating his breakfast too, "Hey, you're a liar!" Mark started, staring at him accusingly, but with a playful gleam in his eyes. "My food isn't that bad, it's actually pretty okay for little old Markimoo here."
"I would say that's a biased opinion." Jack said confidently, smirk in place as he took more bites of his food.
Mark pouted, "Wow, Jack, way to be such a jerk."
Jack chuckled, going to say more, but paused for a moment, chewing his food more slowly in thought. Mark tilted his head in confusion.
"You okay, man?" Mark questioned concerned.
Jack blinked, turning back to Mark, he grinned, "Yeah, sorry, I got lost in thought for a moment there." He laughed.
Mark laughed with him as well, "That's okay, you just scared me, going all silent like that."
"Sorry, it was just me getting sucked into my head." Jack looked down at his food, and Mark watched as he pushed around the poor hashbrowns with his fork with a suddenly blank expression. Mark frowned, thinking he must have triggered Jack's memory of whatever happened at home that made him so sad.
Although, instead Jack was fighting himself, finding that his appetite had decided to quit and was abruptly, very repulsed by the food in front of him. His stomach started to churn at the sight of the breakfast Mark had so kindly made for him. He swallowed thickly and shoved in another mouthful of food, having already decided that he would finish all that Mark had given him. He didn't want to waste Mark's kindness to him anymore than he may have too.
The food tasted disgusting and felt like rocks going down his throat. He closed his eyes and tried to think of other things, really wishing that Mark hadn't ended their conversation so short so he could have thought about what to say instead of how heavy his stomach felt.
"So, what do you want to do today?" Mark asked. "We have plenty of games to go through still and a lot of places to visit if you wish." He proposed, getting up to clean his empty dish.
Jack looked up to him, a grin on his lips, "So ye mentioned games..." He started, making Mark smile as well. "What games do ye have?"
"You'll have to see." Mark said, reaching his hand out to him, nodding his head to Jack's finally empty plate. Jack smiled gratefully to him as he handed over his plate for Mark to clean for him.
Jack moved to stand from his bar stool, but his head suddenly went all fuzzy and he felt himself lose his balance, he reached out blindly with a gasp and grabbed onto the bar counter for dear life. Mark instantly moved around the counter to his side, placing a hand on Jack's arm, "Hey, are you alright?" Jack could hear the worry ringing clear in his voice and felt his heart ping at making Mark fret over him. Jack reached up to cover his forehead, shielding one of his eyes in the process, though it didn't make a difference because Jack kept both his eyes screwed closed as tight as possible. "Jack?" Mark continued, and Jack reached one hand out, the same arm Mark's hand rested on, out to him which landed, thankfully, on his shoulder.
"Yes..." Jack murmured, opening a lone eye to peer at Mark, making the older male freeze, "Yes, I'm fine, just a little bout of dizziness." He sighed, posture slouching slightly, "Just dizziness." Jack repeated.
Mark broke the trance of Jack's blue orb, to gently, pull on his arm. "Well, come, let's get you to the couch then." Jack allowed Mark to lead him to the living room. After getting Jack seated, Mark fetched some water and stood in front of him. Jack looked up to see him staring back, eyes softened to something of a deeper worry than Jack wanted to see in Mark's eyes.
"Mark, I'm fine." Jack reassured again.
Mark only frowned, "You better be fine." He responded, swiftly slapping a hand against Jack's forehead, "You're not sick are you? All that worrying about whatever was getting you so worked up back home didn't make you ill, I hope." Jack blinked at him with wide eyes, heart leaping at Mark's touch.
Jack swiped Mark's hand away, "No, Mark, I'm fine."
Mark huffed, "Yeah, sure." But he dropped it, to Jack's relief.
"Games?" Jack asked and Mark smiled, rolling his eyes.
"Of course."
A few days passed, and everyday Jack would realize he gained more and more bruises. Just a small grip on his wrist made it bruise, and just the faintest shoving would leave his back black and blue. His hands were even slightly sore still from gripping the counter so hard the other day when he had his little dizzy spell. Jack even noticed his complexion was fading more and more, and he cringed every time he saw himself in any reflective surface.
Mark seemed to be noticing more and more that something was indeed wrong with Jack and every time he would would stare at the green-haired individual with soft and sad eyes, ones that Jack can't bare to see anymore. He knew Mark was confused, but Jack couldn't bring himself to tell him what exactly was wrong with him.
"Jack..." Mark started, breaking the mentioned male out of his thoughts. Jack turned to face him and he realized that Mark's voice was very soft, and almost sounded to be a plea. Mark was staring at his lap though, before he dragged those sad eyes to Jack's own blue orbs. "Please eat, won't you." Jack bit his lip at Mark's definite plea. It seems Mark had also noticed his eating habits. Jack's gaze stared down at the pizza they both had agreed to have tonight.
Jack silently complied and took a bite of the pizza slice he was served hours before. Mark sighed, and Jack immediately looked up to him, seeing Mark looking away and it made Jack's heart ping in pain.
"Look..." Mark frowned, running a hand through his hair. "I don't really understand what really got you so upset back at home, and I really hoped that inviting you here away from home would help you." Mark looked Jack in the eyes and Jack felt a little more worse. "But... I don't know how to help you, if you don't tell me what's going through your head." Mark motioned to the pizza, "You haven't been eating very much, and you're losing so much weight..." Mark swallowed a lump before continuing.
"You may actually become really sick this way, and I don't want that. I want to help you, and I really didn't want to ask you out right like this because I wanted you to come to me when you were ready, but this," he waved at Jack, with his clothes looking to be a size or two larger than they should be and sickly, pale face, "This is not good. This is not healthy. And I don't want to see you falling apart like this anymore for something that's so temporary and fixable like family problems."
Jack had looked away from those soft brown eyes halfway through Mark's talk, and he bit his lip trying to search through his thoughts for a response, but they were running too fast for him to process. Mark reached out, and gently lifted Jack's head up so he could see Jack's eyes again, as if trying to search for the answer within his ocean blues. Jack closed his eyes trying to stop the tears he knew were starting to well up.
"I.." Jack whimpered out, sniffling a bit, "I-I'm sorry," he choked out. He moved his head away from Mark's hand, lowering it so he was staring at his lap, "Mark-" Jack stopped though, his eyes immediately catching the sight of red. Jack clapped a hand over his nose to try not to spread anymore crimson blood anywhere else then on him.
Mark was instantly off and out of the room, but then back again with some paper towels. Jack gladly took the offered help and pressed them against his nose instead, rushing to the bathroom. Mark leaned against the doorway as Jack sat on the edge of the tub, waiting for the nosebleed to go away.
"I'm sorry." Mark suddenly said.
Jack looked up to him and Mark sighed, once again running a hand through his hair.
"I admit, I was really upset. I just sit here and everyday I watch you fall apart just a little more. I was frustrated, knowing I couldn't really do anything to help you and... and I couldn't stand it anymore." Mark stared intently at his shoes. "But I know I'm still in the wrong, I should have waited until you were ready to tell me."
Jack stared down at the floor, a silence engulfing them. A few more minutes later, Jack's nosebleed stopped and he cleaned himself up. After drying his face he looked up to Mark.
Mark cracked a smile, "We still have a game to finish?" He offered.
Jack smiled back, "Yeah."
Tired. That's how Jack felt. Everyday, he felt so tired. His dizzy spells weren't helping him either, making him trip over his own feet, or over Mark. Keeping him inside was what Mark decided for Jack's safety, he hasn't once suggested going anywhere and if they needed something Mark would go fetch and come back in the blink of an eye, making sure Jack was still in the place he left him.
And Mark... Mark was so quiet. He only concentrated on the games they played or on making food when he was given the task as chief. He didn't look Jack's way anymore than he had too, but he made sure to scold him when it came to his eating habits. Jack could still feel Mark's worry, it was literally seeping from him, and Jack knew this was tearing Mark into little pieces, his morals and his wants, but Jack was also torn apart too.
Jack was fighting with himself and he wanted to confide in Mark, and he never wanted to keep the older male in the dark, Jack just didn't know how to tell him. In the week that he has been here, Jack still hasn't worked up any courage nor conversation to finally spit out for Mark.
He didn't know how to confide in Mark.
"Jack." Mark once more cut through his thoughts. "Eat."
Jack swallowed the lump in his throat, hearing the commanding tone Mark used, "I'm trying..." He replied, taking a mouth full of corn-dog.
Mark opened his mouth to say something more, but paused, deciding against it as he pressed his lips back together.
"What?" Jack asked, feeling a spike of anger suddenly shoot through him. He clenched his hands into fists with a frown pulling his lips down. "What were ye gonna say?" He bit out harshly.
Mark looked over at him in surprise. His mouth, again, opened to say something, but nothing came out as he sputtered for something to say.
Jack placed his food back on the paper plate he was using and set it on the coffee table as he stood to his feet. "No, tell me. I want to know what's going through ye'r head that makes ye so silent all the time!"
"Jac-"
"No!" Jack shouted, cutting him off, "No! Don't 'Jack' me!"
"I don't know what you want me to tell you!" Mark started, Jack finally noticing that he was also standing. Mark ran a hand through his hair, something that Jack seen him do a lot of lately.
Jack watched as Mark's eyes looked everywhere but at him, and those brown orbs gave way to the frustration Mark was feeling. Seeing that frustration, Jack felt his anger instantly edge away. He felt more sad and now a little guilty. He was the one who was leaving Mark in the dark, and here he was being the angry one when all Mark wants is to help him.
Jack felt tears well up again and he took a deep breath. He collapsed on the couch, covering his face with his hands with a deep shaky sigh. "I'm sorry, Mark." He mumbled through his hands. "I... I have something I want to tell you. Well... I need to, not want to."
Jack could feel the confusion drift off of Mark and Jack could also feel the whimper that scratched at his throat trying to escape as he attempted to tell Mark what was going on. The words were on his tongue, but they refused to spill, he could already see Mark's face when he tells him, and it wasn't pretty.
"Jack..." Mark's voice was soft, gentle and held a very concerned tone to it, which made the whimper Jack was trying to hold back escape. Mark was by his side in a second, rubbing a hand over his back, "Hey, Jack, don't cry..." Mark whispered, rubbing comforting circles on his back. It made Jack heat up inside at Mark's mere touch which quickly spurred Jack to move away from him. He rubbed his tears away, swallowing all his sobs to look at Mark, a leftover sad expression on his features.
"Mark..." Jack started, pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts, "Mark... I... I have... cancer." It took all of Jack to force the word out, but there was nothing.
Just silence, utter silence. Jack couldn't even feel his heart pounding anymore or hear his erratic breathing. He only watched, he watched with pain as Mark zoned out. Mark was no longer looking at him, but through him, and Jack could feel the tears fall down his cheeks.
"M-Mark?" He rasped out, but Mark's face only morphed into an expression of pure pain as he came back from the depths of his mind to see Jack again, tears streaked all down his face. Mark stood up and Jack felt a sob catch in his throat that he choked on slightly, "Mark, please..." He started.
Mark took a step back though, pressing his palms over his eyes as he let out a ragged breath, "No..." He murmured, gritting his teeth together. He took another slight step back, "Don't tell me that, Jack..." He muttered and Jack could hear the pleading in his voice. "That's... That's not funny..."
"Mark..." Jack whimpered, jumping from his seat to wrap himself around Mark, snuggling his head into the crook of Mark's neck, "I'm sorry... I-I'm so, so sorry, Mark..." He sobbed, hugging him tighter.
Mark froze before he removed his hands from his face to wrap his arms around the smaller figure of Jack, "Jack, no... Don't apologize, you shouldn't be sorry..." Mark whispered, pulling Jack to in a tighter embrace, burying his face into Jack's shoulder. Breathing in Jack's unique scent, Mark felt his thoughts clearing up slightly, his emotions calming with the magic of Jack, "Don't be sorry, I..."
Jack bit his lips, still feeling the tears as they spilled over, now soaking into Mark's shirt. Suddenly, he felt weightless as he realized Mark lifted him up, carrying him to the couch again. He sat down, making Jack sit in his lap, legs straddling his hips. Jack felt his blush of embarrassment color his face, but he only tightened himself around Mark, arms still linked around the stronger males neck.
It was then that Jack felt his shirt become wet around his shoulder area. It broke his heart, especially when he heard Mark's utterly weak whisper, "Just don't leave me..." Barely audible, Jack almost didn't catch any of it, he even wondered if he imagined it, but knew he felt Mark's lips move against the conjure of his neck and shoulder.
More tears filled his eyes, but Jack didn't say anything, not knowing what to say to quell the depressing atmosphere between them.
But Mark didn't mind, he only sunk into the warmth of Jack, as Jack sunk into his own.
Mark woke to an early morning, wondering if he just dreamt a nightmare. Jack with cancer? He shuddered at the thought, but as he did so he became aware of the warm weight that was draped over him. The weight that was just too light for his liking, for his wants, because now he understands that it wasn't a nightmare. Jack on his lap was proof that they had the moment that Mark knew the poor tired soul, draped over his body, dreaded to share. The moment Mark wished was just a nightmare for he never, ever, wanted to hear those terrifying words come from Jack's pretty little lips.
Mark bit his bottom lip, enough to split the delicate flesh with fresh blood. He only moved Jack carefully, as the smaller was still sleeping, to straddle him a little more snugly against him, wanting to make sure he could feel as much warmth as he could from the younger. He wanted to make sure to feel as much of the life radiating from him as he could. While he still can...
A frown stretched across his lips as he felt Jack cuddle his head more into his conjoined neck and shoulder, while shifting slightly. A small content moan reached his ears from the still sleeping male.
Mark wrapped his arms more tightly around him, reached one hand to Jack's bright lime locks, curling his fingers around the soft strands. Jack relaxed instantly and Mark took that as a sign that it was very enjoyable and continued to comb his hair with his fingers.
A few long minutes passed, Mark's head leaned back with eyes closed as he tamed Jack's hair until the latter started to shift again. This time he groaned, moving his chest away from Mark's to sit back on his lap while rubbing at his droopy eyes. One half-lidded eye opened to peer at Mark.
"M-Mark?" He asked, still feeling Mark's hand resting on his head.
"Yeah?" Mark responded softly.
Jack leaned back onto him, pressing himself back against Mark, resting his head, once more, on Mark's shoulder. "My hair..." He murmured drowsily in Mark's ear, sending shivers down his spine with the breath Jack unintentionally breathed over his neck and earlobe. "I like it. Ye playing with it, I mean. Please continue?" He whispered.
"Of course." Mark complied willingly, running his fingers through Jack's hair some more. "But you shouldn't fall back to sleep. It's morning, we should get up."
A groan of disappointment rumbled through Jack's chest and Mark chuckled. "Just a few more minutes?" Jack whined.
"Fine," Mark gave in, "Only a few and then we're getting up." Jack hummed in response before quieting. Mark's back was hurting from the odd position he slept on the couch with, but Jack's warmth would make him sacrifice anything to keep it, if only for a few more moments. Plus, he couldn't say no, not to a pleading Jack high on sleep.
Jack couldn't fall back to sleep though, his mind was starting to run with thoughts again. Thoughts of Mark, and they wouldn't stop. Mark's warmth wasn't making anything better, but he would be lying if he said he didn't like it at all. Mark's hand running through his hair was making him relax more than he ever has before and he was getting addicted to the feeling.
"Mark...?" He hesitantly whispered into Mark's warm shoulder.
"Yes?" Mark wasn't surprised by Jack's sudden voice, he must have known the younger really didn't go to sleep.
"I..." Jack bit his lip, clenching his fingers into Mark's shirt until his balled up fists were white, "Ye don't hate me... right?" His voice broke in the low octave he was able to force the words out with.
Mark sighed, moving his hand from Jack's hair to Jack's back, rubbing small circles. "Of course not, Jack. I could never hate you."
"B-but, I lead ye on, I left ye in-"
"And it was completely understandable." Mark swallowed thickly, "I, too, would have had trouble telling my best friend I had... cancer... if I was in your shoes."
Jack's grip only tightened, "How do I tell everyone else?" Jack's voice wobbled, "I can't keep watching everyone of my friends faces turn so... heartbroken. I couldn't bare to see the hurt in their eyes as I tell them that I have cancer and I'm gonna die." Mark felt his heart lurch at the harsh words Jack so shakily bit out. "I'm gonna die..." He repeated in a murmur.
"Jack," Mark started with slight panic, he never wanted to hear such words from Jack. He wrapped his arms around Jack again, pulling him tighter to his body, "There's still a... you still have..." He tripped over his words, "Don't just resign yourself, there's still a chance that-"
"That I'll live?" Jack scoffed emotionlessly in his ear as he cut him off. "With treatment there's only a chance I'll live more than 5 years, but my symptoms are progressing faster. At most I'll live two years, that is if the treatment would have worked, in pain with destructive chemicals injected into my body... Mark, I'm not doing treatment."
Mark felt his blood run cold. "Jack?" He questioned.
"I want to spend the rest of my time without being drugged out of my mind. I want to spend it with a clear mind. I want to remember every single last moment with everyone." With ye...
Mark had many things he wanted to say, but everytime he opened his mouth to say something, nothing came out. Instead, his mind resigned to the last thing he wanted to know. "H-how...?" Mark couldn't finish the horrible question, but Jack understood.
"About a year - a year and a half... Otherwise, unpredictable."
There was silence, for a good few moments before Mark broke it, "I say we don't really need to move?" He offered, and Jack silently nodded into Mark's neck before once more silence took over, but they couldn't fall asleep anymore. They couldn't with all the thoughts running rampant in their heads.
More days passed, Mark seemed to always be glued to Jack's side, and Jack didn't mind it for a moment. He couldn't understand what it was but he enjoyed the attention Mark smothered him with. Although sometimes he didn't like it when Mark forced him to eat because he knew Jack's appetite was erratic and Jack would skip meals if he was left to his own. Even when Jack confessed about how the food almost always felt tasteless and held the weight of rocks as he swallowed, Mark managed to make him eat.
And Jack was so happy Mark cared so much. He was so happy that Mark always managed a smile and laugh out of him. He was so grateful that Mark was always there for him and made him happy even through such a... troubling time.
"Jack... You should tell them." Mark's voice broke through Jack's thoughts, something he's been doing frequently.
Jack paused, "B-but..."
"I know, but you shouldn't keep putting if off when you have... so little time left."
"I... " Jack bit his lip with a pause, "Yeah... Ye're right. Just... ye'll be with me right?" Mark smiled, although it was weak, it was still genuine.
It made Jack feel somewhat relieved. He hugged Mark, and Mark instantly had his arms around Jack as well, rubbing his hands in circles on his back again.
"Thank ye, Mark... Thank ye so much." Jack said, burying his face into Mark's shoulder, finding that Mark and him have been more touchy-feely than usual. He realized he enjoyed it a lot.
"No, Jack." Mark responded, "Thank you."
Jack furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, but didn't say anything more before they were pulling apart and Mark was smiling at him with that beautiful smile Jack loved so much. It made Jack smile as well.
But, before Jack knew it, they were both sitting on the couch with Mark's laptop on the coffee table in front of them that held the image of both Bob and Wade. And Jack was sobbing with his revelation as he watched the happy air between them all evaporate; Mark gently rubbed his thumb over Jack's hand that was clasped in Mark's bigger one in an attempt to comfort.
Jack just wished that the frowns and sadness never had to be a thing between them. Jack begged that this was just a nightmare, one he would wake up from and not have to worry about how much time he had left to smile and laugh with Mark. He wouldn't have to worry about how to tell his subscribers about the monster that took over his life. He wouldn't have to worry about Mark's eyes dulling ever so slightly with every day that passed.
But with every warm touch Mark gave him, Jack knew he was awake and this was all happening. He could never imagine Mark's gentle and loving ways and Jack couldn't bring himself to hate that, even though it meant he really was dying. And Jack found that he wouldn't have wanted to hate it anyway.
Mark made him happy. Happier than anything else ever did, he just wished this wouldn't affect Mark so terribly the way Jack knew it was. He wished this wouldn't affect everyone else, the way he already knew it was and/or would.
With those thoughts Jack was crying harder as he repeated his life expectancy again.
Mark felt his heart becoming more heavy with each passing moment as Jack cuddled up into his side while they laid in Mark's bed about an hour after their long talk with Bob and Wade. Mark's heart was warm, so warm, but at the same time it was in so much pain. With each day, each second, he spends with Jack he feels the warmth getting stronger, but as Mark thinks about how each one of those days, each one of those seconds, means it's one day less, one second less that he can spend with the smaller, fragile man next to him before he's gone.
Mark knows that such thoughts shouldn't be the things he needs to think about. Mark should be thinking about the time he has and grateful he has that time. Mark should be thinking about how to make the gradually weakening male in his arms smile, laugh and forget about his impending fate.
Mark intertwined his fingers with Jack's, feeling the suppose-to-be-sleeping gamer lightly squeeze his hand in approval. Mark turned his head to the side, moving his gaze from the ceiling to stare at Jack's face as those cyan eyes of his opened slowly in the leftover drowsiness of sleep. "Please, Mark..." Jack rasped out quietly, "Don't think so much about it, stop worrying." Mark could hear the pleading tone in his voice.
"I'm sorry," Mark replied softly, moving himself to lay on his side, facing Jack while he squeezed Jack's hand back.
Jack frowned as he blinked slowly in his still tired state, "Mark..." He started, pausing only for a moment, "Mark..." He repeated, making the mentioned person furrow his brows in confusion, finally noticing how sweaty Jack's hand was. He studied Jack's face more closely in the dark shadows of his room, seeing his flushed cheeks and cloudy eyes as they opened again to stare at him blankly.
Mark quickly sat up, pressing a hand to Jack's forehead, "Jack, why didn't you say you were feeling ill?" He asked worriedly, feeling Jack's skin heat his hand more than it should.
"I'...m... sorry." Jack murmured barely audible to Mark's ears.
Mark was instantly up to look for some medicine for Jack's fever, before his wrist was held back by a weak grip. He looked back to those ocean eyes filled with fear, "Don't leave me?" Jack asked.
Mark felt his heart ping, "I won't be gone for long, I promise. I just need to get you some medicine, yeah?"
Jack closed his eyes nodding slightly, as his hand fell away from Mark's wrist. Mark made haste in finding medicine, water and a bowl with a rag before returning to Jack's side.
Jack was squirming, breathing heavily as his almost white skin flushed warm shades of pink. Feeding him some medicine and cool water, Mark bit his lip in worry.
"My shirt..." Jack said, "Please help me take it off?" He whispered, the cold water soothing, but not doing very much to make him feel better. "It's so hot."
Mark did, but froze at the revel of patches of black and blue that littered Jack's body. Some he saw wrapped around him, and Mark recognized them as the results of his hugs.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell ye." Jack immediately said. "I was afraid ye'd stop hugging me from fear of leaving bruises if I did." He admitted. "I like when ye hug me."
Mark didn't know what to say, he only pushed the green hair from Jack's eyes, staring into their deep sky-like color. He used the rag drenched in cold water to wipe at the sweat on Jack's forehead away. "I just don't want to hurt you."
"Ye could never hurt me!" Jack immediately responded.
Mark bit his lip more in reply.
"Ye'v-" A cough interrupted him, but he continued after, "Ye've done so much for me, and ye still are doing so much for me. Just being next to ye, makes me feel like I'm walking on clouds." Jack reached to hold Mark's hand that was whipping at his forehead. "Ye help me still see in color even though my world should be dark."
Jack suddenly moved his hand from Mark's hand to his face, wiping at his cheeks and it was then that Mark realized there were tears that fell from his eyes without permission. Jack's eyes welled up as well, "Don't cry..." Jack's voice wobbled, breaking in the strain. "I don't want to make ye cry. It looks ugly on ye, anyway." Jack choked on his own laugh as his own tears finally overflowed. "Smile. Laugh."
Mark sucked in a shuddering breath, closing his eyes shut tightly, more tears escaping, "Jack, please," he spilled, "I..." But he didn't know what to say. His heart was pounding, the warmth making his chest feel so constricted, making it hard to breath.
Jack hated himself so much at that very moment. He already hated himself before, but now, he hated himself even more. He watched as Mark's tears dripped onto the white bedsheets he was stuck on, making the white turn grey from the wetness that soaked into it's soft fabric. He hated how sad he was making everyone around him.
He felt like the monster. It wasn't just the cancer growing inside of him, no, it was Jack. Jack was making everyone so sad, so hurt. Jack felt disgusting, like his skin wasn't even his own anymore, like he wasn't himself.
He wished he could find the strength in his dying body to hug Mark like Mark hugged him, he wished he had the strength to do more than whip those saddening tears from Mark's cheeks. He wished he could be everything to Mark that Mark was to him.
I love ye.
It was at the tip of his tongue, but Jack didn't know why. The warmth was real, the loving warmth that filled his heart with every little thing to do with Mark, but was it love? Mark was his best friend, Mark was a male. Did Jack even know what love was?
Jack's eyelids grew more heavy with each passing second. Mark was holding Jack's hand pressed against his cheek now, making sure it stayed in place as Jack slowly fell into a dazed sleep. Mark tried to calm himself, as he lowered Jack's hand away from his face to lay it across Jack's bare chest. He sniffled to himself in the silence as he used the rag to wet Jack's forehead in more cold water.
"I don't want you to leave me..." He murmured, the words falling on deaf ears.
Soon, days were passing by, then weeks, then a few months were gone. Jack's symptoms were more frequent, and his body was weakening more and more. Mark was getting more worried, watching Jack close in on himself. Jack would smile and laugh with him, but Mark knew Jack was upset with himself. Even if Jack didn't say anything, and even if Jack was so genuine within Mark's presence.
Bob and Wade had even came to visit for a short while, during which time Jack was very bright and cheerful even though his eyes were dark. Although, it only seems Mark saw the way Jack's cyan orbs dulled.
He was also bright and happy when they did videos for Jack's channel when he ran out of back up ones. Smile, laugh, giggle, goof around. Although, again, Jack's eyes were never in it. He'd smile, but his eyes wouldn't reflect the same, and when he laughed, they wouldn't shine then either.
But Jack seemed to notice something about him as well, because he always avoided looking into his eyes. Was Mark showing the same hurt in his heart through his eyes that Jack was?
He frowned, finally coming out of his thoughts to see Jack slouch out of Mark's room. Mark ignored the fast pace of his heart as he saw Jack's clearly downcasted look he didn't bother to hide this time.
"Good morning, Jack." Mark called out and Jack looked up to him, cyan eyes sad and nervous.
"Morning." Jack replied.
Mark placed some coffee in front of him as Jack sat at the bar. Jack gratefully accepted the hot beverage and sipped at it in silence. "What are you thinking about?" Mark asked sitting down next to Jack at the bar with his own coffee cup.
"I..." Jacks furrowed his eyebrows in thought, "I need to tell them too..."
Mark paused, "Your...?" Mark trailed off.
"My subscribers, yeah..." Jack whispered. "I think it's time I stopped..." Jack bit his lip hard enough for it to bleed and Mark felt his heart lurch painfully at the tears he saw well up into Jack's eyes again. "I think it's time I quit YouTube now." Jack admitted his thoughts and Mark watched Jack put his cup down and cover his face with his hands. "I don't have enough energy and it's just getting too painful. Too painful knowing I'll be gone before they know it. If I do it now... it'll be one less thing to worry about." Jack murmured.
Mark found his hand on Jack's warm back again, rubbing what he hoped was comforting circles upon. Mark silently agreed, even though he knew how much YouTube and his community meant to Jack.
But soon enough, Jack was emerging from Mark's recording room with suppressed sobs held back with a bit lip to cuddle into Mark on the couch later that evening. Mark ran his fingers through Jack's soft hair again, noticing that his brown roots were getting longer and his lime green hair was fading.
Jack's shaking body cuddled into his arms made Mark really think about what was actually happening. Jack just recorded his last video that he would upload to YouTube. Jack was pale and skinnier than he use to be. Jack was physically weaker and more teary-eyed then before. Jack was horribly sick and wouldn't get better.
Mark pressed his lips together tightly, cuddling into Jack as well, the warmth of the green haired gamer calming and it seems Jack had the same feelings towards Mark as he relaxed into the older male. Although, it wasn't long before Jack's phone began to ring and Jack reluctantly pulled away from his warmth to answer it. His expression suddenly a more painful one, if it was even possible anymore, with the sight of the caller ID. Mark wondered who it was watching as Jack entered his room, closing the door behind him.
Mark decided to go back to his game, flinching at the shouting he could hear through the door. Mark played to will away the want to eavesdrop on the raging conversation and after a good long 10 minutes, Mark was worried, going to stand up to fetch Jack to make sure he was alright, but the door opened and Mark was faced was an emotionless Jack, before Jack threw the phone violently onto the couch with a frown and angry eyes.
Mark watched him silently, before Jack's cyan eyes were locked with his. "My family doesn't want to see me." Jack vaguely supplied for Mark making Mark's chest ache.
"I'm sorry to hear that." Mark started with soft eyes, but Jack shook his head.
"No, I don't want to hear it. I don't even care about it, I'm just angry they had the nerve to call me and tell me that I was making the wrong choices and that I had to deal with them on my own."
Mark tilted his head to the side in confusion. "Wrong choi-"
"I choose ye." Jack cut in while biting his lip. "I wanted to stay with ye."
Mark's heart soared and he didn't know why. Was it because he choose Mark, who was just a friend, over his own family? Or was it the fact that Jack's cheeks were flushed in embarrassment making him look so cute?
Jack cut in before Mark actually realized what he thought, "I'm sorry," he said quickly, "I should have asked ye first before deciding I was staying." He was picking at his fingers again.
Mark was smiling now, albeit it was one of those soft, gentle ones, "No, I'm happy you're staying." He admitted.
Jack was smiling back at him too.
Why did Jack make his heart flutter so with such innocent things?
The months were passing by too fast for Mark and Jack's liking. Jack's symptoms worsening as the time got shorter and shorter. He could barely move without feeling pain, and he was just so tired, but he stayed up as long as he could with Mark. He wanted to spend as much time with Mark as possible. There was just something there. Something about Mark that made him so happy even though his time was gradually disappearing.
His heart was so warm, and every single time those words were ready to be spilled, those three tiny, but meaningful words, he just didn't know if he could. He didn't want to ruin what he had with Mark, not when he was so close to being gone. He only had a couple months at most, maybe less, maybe more, it was a gamble.
But he didn't want to gamble Mark. Mark was his everything, and he knew he was just a literal pain for Mark. Sometimes, he would catch that glimpse of deep hurt flash through those brown orbs of Mark's when he looked Jack's way. Although, more often than not there was something else in his eyes that Jack didn't know, he couldn't place.
Mark was more cuddly, more touchy-touchy, feely-feely, and Jack absolutely loved the way Mark heated his skin with just a mere touch. Jack wanted more, more and more of Mark, even though he knew it was such a terrible thing to want. Even if it was possible to have all of Mark, it would be such a bastardly move with Jack's short lifetime. It would kill them both, although in Jack's case it would be literal.
And while, Jack thought about Mark, Mark was also thinking just as much about Jack. He longed for Jack. He wish he could tell him everything in his heart, the warmth, the happiness... the love...
All he could do was hug him. Mark could cuddle, and touch Jack, feeling the electricity run through his body in such an amazing way. He wondered if Jack felt it too. He wondered if Jack felt the heat under his skin when Mark touched him, just like how Mark felt when he felt the soft flesh of Jack under his fingertips, and he wondered if Jack could feel the absolute warmth that filled his heart that just kept building with each second spend in each other's presence.
But then he'd think about how it's already been almost ten and a half months and Jack was closing in on the year that his life was expected to end. Jack was already so weak that he needed help to get up, help to pick things up, and help to even hold things. Video games where too much already and Jack usually just opted out to watch Mark play. Even though Jack said he enjoyed watching Mark play just as much as he did playing himself, Mark always seen the sadness flicker through his dark, stormy oceans as he watched Mark play.
And Jack was coughing more and more, his black and blues more nasty and easier to gain. His bones more, and more prominent than the last week, while his face turned to litteral paper.
And Mark couldn't do anything to help.
He was useless to Jack and only forced Jack to eat, even though it seemed to be doing no good at all and there was more blood stains in his home then he was ever comfortable with from all the blood Jack lost with his more often than not nosebleeds.
But it was when Jack couldn't get out of bed anymore he was in so much pain that Mark hated himself more. He was so useless, watching Jack wither and squirm as he tried to suppress his pained cries, instead making them whimpers that Mark knew would always haunt him. Jack with tears not of sadness anymore, but just pure pain as he reached out blindly for Mark having tightly shut his eyes with his strain.
Mark held him, finding himself wiping at the sweat gathering on Jack's forehead again. Jack was clenching so tightly to him, nails digging into Mark's flesh enough for blood to bead from the tiny wounds, but Mark didn't care. He just cuddled Jack on the bed, pushing the now slightly longer than usual brown hair from out of his eyes, the tips the only thing left to show the lime color his hair use to be.
Jack wouldn't get a lot of sleep, only passing out from exhaustion only to wake again 30 minutes later, maybe an hour if he was lucky. And Mark wouldn't leave unless it was for his needs and to get more water and broth to feed to Jack.
Mark found that wearing his glasses was useless as well, as they always clouded up with tears while he cried with Jack, making it hard to see the younger male's face.
Mark was cleaning his glasses again, as he got up to go to the bathroom, but there was a weak pull tugging the back of his shirt. He turned back to see Jack's cyan eyes half-lidded as they tried to focus on Mark's form. "D...on't... leave..." His voice wasn't even there anymore he was just mouthing the words, trying to express himself to Mark.
Mark's glasses were already cloudy again, "I'm not leaving," Mark whispered, watching as Jack eyes closed once more as he moved the hair from Jack's face again. "I'm just going to the bathroom, and I'll be right back. I promise." Jack pulled more on his shirt, trying to shake his head. Mark frowned in worry, "What's wrong Jack?" He asked.
"M-Mark." He rasped out, his voice so different than how it's suppose to be. "I... I'm..." He violently coughed, "Ma...rk," he called out again.
Mark sat down on the edge of the bed next to Jack. He opened his eyes again, and they were so dark in the pain he was experiencing, "Jack, it's okay, I'm here."
Jack moved closer to him, "Hold me, please?" Jack mouthed silently and Mark did, even though he needed the restroom, he crawled back under the covers. "I... I'm sorry, Mark." Jack choked out, coughing again. "I can't do... it... any-nymore." His voice was so broken, and with that sentence Mark's heart was also broken.
"Jack..." Mark's voice wavered in a slight warning. He was begging him. Begging him to not let the monster win. Jack was stronger than the monster that was cancer, but as Mark's eyes ran over Jack's frail body his thoughts faltered and he was more terrified of what the inevitable outcome was to be.
"I'm...s-so sorry, Mark." Jack wished he had the strength to touch his hand to Mark's cheek one last time, but it seems Mark was reading his mind because Mark was holding Jack's hand to his cheek for him, Mark cuddling into the warmth. Jack saw the tears clouding Mark's glasses again, "Glasses?" He croaked and Mark took them off, seeing his deep kind, loving, warm, brown eyes again, up close without a lens between them. Mark pressing their foreheads together, so Mark could see Jack's eyes clearly as well.
"Don't leave me," Mark sobbed, "I don't want you to go!" He moved his free hand to cup Jack's cheek as well, rubbing his flushed skin lightly with his thumb.
"I'm sorry." Jack cried as well, seeing his vision starting to fade, the edges blackening as his sight is slowly eaten by darkness. "I... never wanted to leave ye." He mouthed, pressing closer to rub his nose gently against Mark's, "I'm sorry..." He continued to mouth, as he also felt his limbs go numb, closing his already blind eyes.
"I...love ye... Mark..."
Mark felt his world shatter at those four last words as he felt Jack's breath stop brushing against his face. As he felt Jack's heartbeat disappear from against his own chest.
The tears wouldn't stop as he still clenched the limb body against him. The warmth was still there, even though Mark knew he was already gone, he tried to trick himself into believing that Jack was still breathing against his neck. That Jack's heart was still pounding as fast as his own. That Jack could still hear the same confessions of affection, ones he wished he said so much sooner.
"I love you too, Jack," he sobbed, "I love you too..."
Mark stared blankly at the casket as it was lowered into the ground, the roses laid on it popped out against it's dark oak color. Bob and Wade stood next to him, while Jack family stood a good distance away. They already spat out their dislikes towards Mark for keeping Jack to himself and allowing him to pay the consequences to his 'bad decisions'.
Mark just ignored them though. He was only here for Jack, and that's how it'll stay.
Mark couldn't get Jack's voice out of his head, his last words of "I'm sorry" and "I love you, Mark" were just bouncing around in his head. He was already losing sleep, thinking about Jack and how cold his bed was without the smaller male wrapped in his arms.
But he wouldn't let it get to him, no. He had plans, and things to do. Things for Jack. He would live for Jack.
Soon, he was the only one standing there, everyone else having already left. He walked closer to Jack's grave. "I'm sorry, Jack. And I hope you know I love you as well." Mark's bottom lip wobbled slightly before he bit it down, "But I'm not giving up on you." Mark said. "And I never will until the day I die." He let out a shuddery breath, as he observed the stone and everything around to burn the image into his brain before he left.
Sorry if this story was a little too Out Of Character. I wrote this a long time ago and now that I read it again, I cringe at the lack of character depth that make Jack, Jack and Mark, Mark.
Originally posted on Wattpad the Eleventh of March, 2017. To visit my Wattpad, link is in my bio.
To visit my editor's Wattpad, link is in my bio.
I hope you enjoyed it, thank you for reading,
~Sakura