Hey guys! Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter!
Onwards with the very badly written and long put off chapter!
I spend the next few hours curled up into a ball, all but rocking back and forth while blushing beet red and trying to hide the crazy smile that stretches across my face, causing my cheeks to sting and become numb. All the Dwarves were looking either smug, happy, quizzical or suspicious - I guess you know who was the last one. I close my eyes and will myself to fall asleep but my body won't have it.
Oh, I guess I'm getting ahead of myself - again.
It had been no sooner had I speak those words and the Dwarves murmured in agreement, I hear the caws of the large eagles from the distance, my head snapping up as their large wings cause bursts of wind to twirl the split and short ends of my hair around my face, tickling my cheeks. The Dwarves had watch in awe (I catch the sound of Ori giving an amazed "ooh!") as their eyes follow the dead rabbits - thank God it's plural or I would have killed all of the Dwarves all to have some food; yep, that's how far my loyalty goes and I am not the least bit sorry - clutched in the Eagles talons.
That is not hygienic. Ew.
I still want some, though.
The Dwarves let out a cheer, glad at the site of food even if it did look so unappetizing. Yes, I said some food was unappetizing, shocker. As soon as the Eagles had graced us with their presence, they left but not before oh - so kindly dropping the dead bunnies onto the slab of rock we are currently stuck on. Fili and Kili left my side, going to see the present we were given; my mouth practically filled with saliva at the thought of some juicy, hot - whoa, Libby, no P.D.A please; there are young ones.
My stomach let out a loud growl, stirring my thoughts and rousing me. I happily go to oblige my stomach (and there is a sentence I never thought I would say) to go to the food but, however, as I try to make a move, a sharp pain executed throughout my entire body. I hiss out loud in shock, glowering in irritation and displeasure. Please don't be what I think it might be. A caw from the Eagles pierced my ears, causing me to wince as I glance up to see the said beasts flying away, becoming naught but a dot in the distance. Bitterly, I curse the birds under my breath as I rest my arms around my waist with my good ol' trusty bag hanging beside me. I hugged myself tighter in hoping to ease the sharp, shooting pain.
Oh, no.
This is bad.
This is very, very bad.
Oh, fuck. Oh, holy shit on a fuck duck, this is bad.
For a brief moment, my eyes glance around me, drinking in everything surrounding me; the view from here is like something you would pay hundreds for in a hotel; the rays of the orange sun shines throughout the entire place, making the world appear on fire. The purple mountains tipped with snow stand erect, their eyes seeing everything. The flora and fauna sway in the light breeze with their leaves rustling. It's peaceful, reminding me of a Zen garden; little birds flit in and around the clouds, singing happy chirps that echo around us.
Behind me, I can hear the excited chatter of the Company behind me as they (meaning Bombur and Bofur with Dori joining in) try to sort out on how to cook the rabbit and Gandalf ordering some of the others to collect firewood - after they had snipped that they should use his staff. I probably have never heard the man sound so offended in all the time I knew him.
Aside from all that, it had been peaceful and quiet, crickets chirping and birds tweeting, making the entire group feel safe and serene.
But not for long.
Not while it has started.
The pain in my lower abdomen feels far worse than all the scrapes and bruises I have accumulated onto nearly every part of my body throughout our little misadventure. I am about a hundred percent positive that underneath my dirty and raggedy clothes, I am all black and blue. My stomach twists and turns from the lack of food and the pain - oh Lord, the pain! My muscles are numb and dead as I bend over slightly, letting a groan from the back of my throat cut through my mouth as I grabbed a fistful of my clothing in my grimy and dirty hands. I feel and probably look like the stereotypical girl on her period as my mood instantly shifts from one of comfort and happiness to anger and bitterness.
"Oh, dear God!" I moan out loud as I lean forward, feeling the blood rush to my head as my forehead just about touches my knees. I let out a gurgled cry as another stab of pain shot through me. Jesus fucking Christ, I hate being a girl. Though, I guess it did reassure me in some way; through all the dying and the blood and corpses and killing and magical creatures, I still had the one thing that made me feel like a woman underneath all this dirt, blood and grime.
"Libby, are you - are you quite alright there?" Bilbo's voice causes me to snap my head up painfully. He certainly looks happier than he had before and I know he would be walking with a bounce in his step for a while since now he's certain Thorin probably won't strangle him or slit his throat in his sleep. Probably. Okay, maybe Thorin wouldn't have killed Bilbo in his sleep - once again, over dramatic, Libby.
However, instead of my usual cheeriness, I feel the power of Satan channel through me as my lips curl into my mouth unhappily as my eyes narrow into slits. I repeat, stereotypical girl. But this time there is no cup of tea or chocolate to soothe the aches and pains; only some rabbit meat, a cold stone floor to sleep, cold water and no cuddles from my favourite teddy bear, Mr Twinkles.
"Do I look alright to you, hm?" I hiss at him, my jaw clenching as I manage to straighten my spine a bit. I hated 'Period Me' - I'm angry, moody and, losing more blood than I would be getting a physical injury, I often voiced my distaste. This is total utter bullshit. "I am literally bleeding a river of blood so no, I am not feckin' alright; I swear the next person to ask if I'm alright will get a - " A sudden spark of pain cuts me off as I let out another hiss through my clenched teeth.
"Oh - oh, dear," Bilbo stutters as he pats my back awkwardly as I hunch back over, dry heaving awkwardly as I try to gulp in as much air as possible. "I shall call Oin and - !"
"No!" I blurt out as I crouch down on the ground, letting my weight rest on the back of my legs whilst wrapping my arms around them and my chin rests on the top of my knees. All I needed was to just curl up and sleep; truth was, I needed it because my body was stiff and my bones ached every time I moved. Plus I was so sure that there were so many bags underneath my eyes that they probably hung over my cheeks. I needed to just fall unconscious and not feel the pain of everything for a while.
Taking a deep breath I manage to look into his very concerned eyes in hopes of reassuring him that I was already; I mean, this happens every month for the past six years and will happen for every month for next 40 years or so.
"I just - I just need rest," I mutter, my voice hoarse - it's true: I do need rest. I feel as though I could keel over at any given moments and possibly sleep for the next million years. And I really wanted for that to happen. "I just need rest - " and a bucket of melted chocolate - "and that's all." And maybe four cups of tea.
From behind, I heard the whoops of the Dwarves as they cheer at they cheer at the fire that was slowly growing more and more. Shouldn't we be staying invisible and not be starting a fire and giving our frickin' positions away?! I glance up at Bilbo, who gives me that stern 'Mother Hen' look as he shook his head.
"What you need is some food in you," Bilbo tutted disapprovingly. I felt like such a 12 year old again as I let out a over dramatic groan, almost wanting to say 'But Mo - o - o - o - o - o - o - om!' then I realised I was an 18 year old woman and that Bilbo was most defiantly not my mother. Maybe in the right lighting and clothes however. . .
Shaking my head, I internally giggle at the thought of Bilbo wearing a small white cocktail dress and black stiletto heels and his lips painted a blood red. Okay, maybe I could do with some sleep - like right now. I let out a murmur of agreement as I stand up to my feet and hobble after Bilbo towards the fire, almost wanting to run and push everyone out of the way and curl up like my cat used to when we would start a fire. Ah, the good old times.
I make my way with Bilbo through the wearied bodies of the Dwarves; others like Bifur, Oin and Gloin are already sitting down around the fire as they talk and laugh with each other; Thorin is off to the side with Balin and Dwalin - more than likely discussing super-secret secrets that are really secret in secrecy. I can't help but to notice how less grumpy Thorin is now that him and Bilbo are on the bases of a bromance blooming between them.
Aw!
Nori has decided to join the cooks - Bombur, Bifur and Dori - as he takes a rabbit and starts to skin it. Excuse me while I vomit.
I sit down, almost pouting at how Bilbo treated me like a child before as I wrapped my arms around my chest. A part of me was glad at the warmth from the fire and I begrudgingly let out a small 'thank you' to the Hobbit.
"Now, don't move from that spot -" Bilbo had begun to say when a voice cut him off.
"Ah, Bilbo, my dear boy!"
Bilbo and I look up at the same time to see Gandalf standing before us, a pipe in his mouth and his weight leaning on his staff. It appears everyone - meaning everyone but me - was in a better mood after the emotional show of, well, emotions from earlier. The Wizard gave me a small smile as a greeting and I attempted to give one back - key word: attempted. I'm pretty sure I looked demented. Great.
"Well, yes," Gandalf continued as he took a puff from his pipe; man, what I wouldn't give to have a cigarette right now. "A word, Bilbo?"
Bilbo hesitated as he looked down at me. I smiled kindly at him as though saying it was alright to leave me here all alone with no one to talk to as I wallowed in my self pity and my pain. But I wasn't bitter or anything.
The Hobbit smiles kindly at me, shaking his head with an amused expression. "I will be right back, I promise," Bilbo says.
"Nah, take your time. I'll just have fun here, by myself, all alone with no one to talk to." My voice is obviously sarcastic as I let out a huge, over dramatic sigh at the end with my eyes gazing off to the distance as both Gandalf and Bilbo stare at me.
"Right! Let's leave Aurora to her thoughts," Gandalf concludes, causing me to look up at him in shock and disbelief. Has this man never heard of sarcasm?! Gandalf claps a hand on Bilbo's shoulder and wheels him away from me - causing me to end up looking like a complete and utter loner. Hot damn.
A frown makes its way onto my lips, causing the sides to be turned down as my eyes glare at anyone and everyone. Maybe it was best to be alone since I wouldn't bite the head off of anyone. I swing the strap off of my bag and pace it beside me as my eyes turn to the cracking, orange fire in front of me.
A sudden boom of laughter causes me to look up; it turns out the ones Gandalf had sent to get fire wood was Fili, Kili and - oh, dear - Ori; the latter of the tree looked to be struggling with his - smaller in comparison to Kili and Fili's bundles that were tucked under each arm - armful of twigs. If I had been in a better mood I probably would have helped him. Instead I watched as he toddled behind Kili and Fili almost like a younger child would behind their elder sibling.
Shaking my head and letting out yet another sigh, I bring my knees to my chest, hugging them tightly to me as I let out a raspberry; now that I can rest and not worry for my life (as much) my mind finally begins to think about other things rather than the usual "OH MY GOD, IS THAT A BLOODY ORC/WARG/ELF/GOBLIN/SOME OTHER UNKNOWN CREATURE THAT LOOKS HIDEOUS/BEAUTIFUL?" and "OH FUCK WE ARE GOING TO DIE - E - E -E!"
Instead, I think of mediocre, small things to occupy my time; what did I look like with short hair? I wonder if I lost my infamous 'chipmunk cheeks' that would be the butt end of many cheek pinching's from my grandparents and my parents friends. Was I tanner? Was I thinner? Had I gotten stronger? Did I have a rocking six pack?
My hand goes to my tummy and I press a finger to it; nope, defiantly did not have a six pack. I pass another deep breath through my chapped and dry lips as my chin rests on my knees. My tummy lets out another grumble, this time out of hunger and I don't have the energy to tell it to shut up as I groan, placing my forehead on my knees. Damn, I want that rabbit meat.
"You don't look so chirpy as usual," a voice all but smirks at me. WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT -
I moan in over dramatic pain as I loosen my stiff body so that I flop back onto the hard stone behind me, my eyes focused on the fading day sky; far in the distance the moon was creeping up on us and stars were peeking out from behind the silk clouds in the sky.
"I could sleep for a thousand years!" I complain, splaying my fingers face down onto the smooth, bumpy rock as the fire warmed the soles of my shoes. "I swear the only time I have ever been this sore was the time I decided to try out for the school's co-ed running team. Let's just say, I don't think my school ever had a record of someone having an accident with their own shoe hitting them in the face. Hey, don't laugh at me - !"
Kili lets out a short bark of laughter as I told him the very painful memory. Oh God, imagine if I told him that when that happened I tripped over and my shorts fell off my ass showing everyone how I wore Hello Kitty underwear. My face instantly turns a beet root red and my cold hands go to fly up to be placed on my face at the thought of the painful memory.
"Oh my God, you're so horrible!" I muffle underneath my palms as I turn redder and redder, positive I resemble a tomato. I turn over onto my side, my back facing him as his laughter dies out almost instantly causing my eyebrows to knit together. What was wrong? Why was he silent?
"Libby . . . why is your trousers all red?"
FUCK.
ME.
"Shit!" I yelp, jumping to my feet as my hands go to the back of my pants, instantly feeling the dampness. "Oh, my God!"
If I was red in the face before, I hate to think what colour of scarlet I was now. Pulling my hands away, I see that my hands are - indeed - painted red; I really hope that the Earth would open up and swallow me whole instead of having to go through this whole ordeal again. Unfortunately for me, I had been wearing white shorts when I got my first period. Cringe worthy.
I swear it's like that story from the Bible where all the water turns to blood.
Well, maybe not exactly but still.
Maybe I should have picked a different analogy.
Anyway.
"You're bleeding!" Kili points out as he gets to his feet while his eyes are glued to my ass. Of course, in any other given situation I would have blushed, giggled and slapped him in the face but now all I could do was stare in horror. Please, whatever God there is, don't make them ask me to strip. Kili stands up with a scuffle to his feet as he bends down to stare at the blood patch on the back of my pants.
"What are you two doing?"
I know this is a bad painting of the picture but do you ever see a male dog sniffing a female dog's but and when they get caught they kind of just stare at you into your soul until you look away? In this case, Kili and I were the dogs and Fili was the witness. Kili looks up from staring at the ever slowly growing red patch as I duck my head and cross my arms over my chest in a bid to stop them from flying to cover my very red cheeks; I wouldn't want bloody prints on my cheeks now would I? Ew, Libby; just . . . just stop. Fili continues to gaze at us with a look on his face that very well reads 'What - the - fuck - are - you - two - doing?' with a mixture of 'you need Jesus' and a dash of 'Why, God?'
"Libby is hurt!" Kili blurts out to his brother as I bolt up straight, my hands moving down to clamp over my ass while I refuse to meet Fili's curious and confused blue eyes. Jesus fucking Christ, they're both over seventy and have the both of them not have had 'the talk' yet? Do they even have that here? I guess not since it is a 'womanly' problem. Or maybe they're too young for Dwarf standards to know about these things? Or is it completely forbidden to talk about in school? Wait, do they actually have schools here?
These are questions to ask at another time but now, Libby.
"I'm not!" I defend as my cheeks start to tingle from how much blood is rushing to my face. "Look, it's a regular thing."
"'A regular thing'? Do you get stabbed every day or so?" Kili shoots back looking shocked and his eyes are as wide as saucers. Maybe that was not the best thing to say, Libby . . .
"Um, I wouldn't say every day more like, once a month for seven days but - "
"We should get Oin," Fili interjects as me moves closer to stand beside Kili with a concerned look on his face.
Hi God, it's me, Libby; any time you want to smite me down or something, now would be a good time for that.
Could this get any worse, seriously?
"No, guys, I'm serious! Look just please do not call him over!" I blurt out as my voice drops down to a whisper. Oh, fuck, this is it: this is how I am going to die. From complete and utter embarrassment. "Look, it's a very normal thing amongst - amongst women." Oh, God, I am certain my face is on fire. The two Dwarf brothers look at me oddly as I wring my fingers behind my back.
I take a very deep breath as my tummy squeezes painfully again.
"Um, well. . ." I never thought that it would be me giving 'the talk'; I had been on the receiving end of it from both teachers and parents alike. "You see, every month a - a woman bleeds inside their bodies for to - for to - for to have babies and the blood comes out - it - it –"I take a gulp of fresh air. "They bleed out between their legs. Are you happy now? That's why I'm bleeding."
My voice was barely above a hoarse whisper but oh, my God, they had the face of a slapped arse on each of them. I turned redder as the embarrassment swells up like a balloon in my chest - and soon their stares become too much to handle as I drop my eyes to the threads of my laces. I start to make out a sentence along the lines of 'Boy, great chatting; I'm just going to go sit far away from everyone and hope I fall off the rock or the Earth swallows me whole' but it doesn't make it out and soon, I whirl on my heels to walk away from the two flabbergasted brothers and the rest of the company.
This is it; this is how I'm going to die. I do tend to say that quite a lot but this time I am about 78% positive that this time, it's true.
Gosh, why am I making such a big deal out of this?
I mean, seriously; this is such a normal thing at home. Hell, I've spoken about this with my dad more than once.
Don't ask.
But I don't see what the problem is now; they're all grown - well, grown up enough for Dwarves men (more than that, I'm pretty sure they're all nearly sixty years older than me! Dear God, I wonder what age Gandalf is . . .) and they should be able to handle it! I mean, why hasn't their mother taught them this?! What about Sex Ed?! The internet?! Oh, wait.
As soon as I am enough far away from the group - but not far away to cause suspicion or for anyone to ask questions - I plop down onto the cold and unforgiving stone as I resume my position of curling my legs up to my chest. I shouldn't feel so awkward about this; maybe I'm being too over dramatic - wait, let me rephrase that: I am being too over dramatic over such a simple and normal thing. I bend my head so my forehead rests against my arms as I close my eyes.
Am I feeling so mushy and weird and shy inside because it had been Kili that had spotted the blotch of blood? Or is because I was forced to explain it to two, grown (not literally but by my standard) men? Or is it because this is single handily the most embarrassing moment of my entire life? Or is it because - because -
The image of Kili's face flashes in my mind and I want so badly to just punch it; I've had crushes in the past, so I am not going to go through that 'OH DEAR GOD WHAT IS IT THAT I AM FEELING? IT CANNOT BE A CRUSH, HAHA! THAT IS ABSURD!' shit. I remember I was around the age of ten and I had this super, duper crush on this dorky kid in my class but he was a cute kind of dorky. Like his glasses always slid down the bridge of his nose and he had the cutest ever button nose and big beautiful blue eyes and, for God's sake, his name was Eugene.
He and I would colour together every day at lunch and then, one day as I decided to draw the most badass fairy ever (she had a flaming axe and a chainsaw; to this day I still have because it is bloody fantastic), I showed him my finished picture and he leant over and gave me a big, slobbery kiss on the mouth. As two ten year old kids, we didn't do anything besides close mouthed, wet lipped kissing as we blushed and held sticky hands while drawing. That is, until, he moved away two months later. They say your first love is the worst love. Not to mention he used to give me his strawberry yoghurts at lunch so it was like adding salt to a wound.
I mean, I'm pretty sure what I felt for Eugene was what I also feel for Kili; I just get these butterflies in my stomach and there's always this permanent blush on my face. I have never been the type of girl to go "OH NO, WHAT IF HE DOESN'T LOVE ME?" I've always accepted the worst of the worst and got on with it; I am one hundred percent positive that he doesn't feel the same way and I'm not going to hate him for it. I guess you can say that I have wisdom beyond my years.
Wasn't I talking about having a mental break down because the guy I may - ehem, I can just appreciate his personality and looks and not actually like like him - have a crush on say what is the result of a bloody massacre in my pants?
I just want to fall into some kind of bed and scream into the pillow so badly, it would make me feel like an angst-y teenager all over again and sort of the emotional problems I'm having. Pretty sure if I screamed out here I could probably wake the dragon inside the Lonely Mountain. Instead, I resort to biting down on the large sleeve of my jumper and grunting into it - out of context that sentence would look really bad.
A sudden twinge in my stomach causes me to remember something very important: I'm hungry. I release one arm to rest over my tummy, gripping the skin as I pull my head away; the sun has set behind the mountains with only a few orange sun rays scattering across the sky and the Earth beneath as more stars peak out. The orange sky fades into a royal blue one with the silver moon waxing up above us, the craters very visible. I wonder is this Earth is like the one I'm familiar with, with lots of other planets out there and the Earth spinning around the Sun. Shaking my head, I internally laugh at how ridiculous I sound; I mean of course that's what it is like, this isn't another planet. Just . . . not the one I know.
Another raspberry escapes me as I bring my legs tighter to me, trying to squish the odd feeling in my stomach. Curse me and my ways of acting like an over dramatic teenage drama queen. I should have just manned up and not get too sensitive. Curse me and my girly ways!
I can smell the cooking meat as it wafts through the air and causes my stomach to grumble even more. I am too embarrassed to turn back with the red patch on my pants probably even larger. If I just had my -
My bag!
Where is it?
I let out a hiss as I remember I left it back near the fire, almost wanting to punch myself in the face. God - dammit, I need to just grow some balls, stand to my feet and get my bag! I am a woman! I am Aurora Liberty Fernwright and I am one bad - ass bitch!
Maybe later though . . .
No, now.
But like . . . I don't want to seem weird for sitting down for only a few minutes and then just getting up . . .
Oh, come on; their impressions of me can't get any worse.
Okay . . . but how am I going to actually use a tampon or a pad? I don't think pulling my pants down and then doing stuff like that would be a smart way to go since I'm surrounding by boys . . .
Oh.
I haven't thought about that yet.
Fuck.
I puff my cheeks out before I pout again, placing my arms on top of my knees and resting my chin on them.
"You really are stupid, Libby," I murmur whilst glaring out into the far distance, probably looking far more dramatic than I actually am.
"I don't think you are," I hear behind me.
My heart beat sky rockets as a small yell of 'Ah!' escapes me, I break away from my little ball and my body stumbles back onto the rock beneath me as my eyes go as wide as saucers. I think I nearly peed myself . . . again. Oh, Jesus, that memory will stay with me for the rest of however I have long left to live. I'm actually surprised I managed to survive this long - you know, with the help of fourteen other people and a Wizard and other mythical (not so mythical now, are they?) creature - beings - things.
"Ha! Your face!" Kili chortles as he actually points right at my face and starts to laugh. What ever happened to being a gentleman?! Well, then again I did laugh at him when we were on that gigantic Eagle. Karma is a bitch just like you, Libby.
Instantly, a frown pulls at my mouth and my eyes turn to slits as I begin to glare at him whilst he continues to snort and giggle at me. I rest my face into an unamused mask, pulling my body up and melting back into my previous sitting position. One day, Kili, one day when you aren't looking, I am going to kick you in your royal jewels. Ha, unintended pun.
"Ha, ha, ha, that is just so funny. Wow," I roll my eyes as I turn away from him and continue my dramatic stare off into distance as an almost childish frown slips onto my face. "Go on, laugh it up; I deserve it." My frown deepens as my eyebrows furrow together, a displeased look on my face. A final giggle leaves Kili as a sigh leaves him contently.
"Don't get too upset, Libby, I brought presents."
Oh! That does pique my interest!
I look up excitedly to see my bag in one of Kili's hands and two wooden plates (like that shit you see waiters do in restaurants) bearing some lovely cooked rabbit meat. Yum. A grin lights up on my face as I take my bag and Kili hands me the wooden plate holding the glorious piece of dead animal. That didn't sound as good . . .
Disregarding my thought, I place my bag down beside me solving problem number two and now solving problem number one - food. I change my position and begin to sit Indian style, buzzing with happiness as the sight of meat is slightly greasy, leaving my skin to be shiny. My teeth rip into the food and I almost moan in pleasure at how good and edible and just at the fact it is food and that I'm eating. My stomach has probably shrunk to the size of a walnut and if I'm not careful in eating as slow as I can, I'll only end up vomiting it all up and it'll all be for nothing. I pause mid - bite to see that Kili is about to walk away. Not wanting to feel lonely or be alone, I pull away from my bite and wipe my mouth on my sleeve as I call out.
"You can join me if you like," I say quickly, ignoring the little wings in my stomach. Kili looks back surprised at my words - damn, was I too forward? Was there a thing where you had to apply to eat with a guy and then wait months for the reply letter? Shit . . .
"But only if you want!" I recover almost instantly. Smooth. "If you don't want to that's fine, I'm cool with eating alone. But if you want to eat me - " my eyes widen as I say those words, before trying to claw back the one piece of dignity I have left. "I meant eat with me! If you want to join me that's cool too, if you don't that's cool. Everything's cool. Ha, ha, yeah . . ."
Awkward end to an awkward speech. Well done Libby, you psycho.
I drop my eyes to the grey stone beneath me as my cheeks begin to flare up again but from a totally different reason. My free hand fiddles awkwardly with the frayed ends of my laces as I hunch my shoulders, almost drowning in Kili's silence.
"I would love to."
Check and mate; I totally had this in the bag. I'm smooth as fuck.
Wait; does this count as a date?
Oh my God, this is a fucking date.
I start to internally scream while keeping a poker face as Kili sits opposite me in the same way with his legs crossed. The conversation starts coming naturally to me and my hunger suddenly goes away as I start to babble away.
"So . . . some day, huh?" I comment with a grin on my face. "Being chased, climbing up trees and flying on Eagles - boy, what an adventure."
"Ugh, that was horrible," Kili utters as he starts eating. The way he ate was fascinating - in, like, a disgusting way. Gross; he's still cute but gross. "I don't know how you managed that. I think your version of a good day and mine are very different."
I cock an eyebrow as I scoot further with a keen expression on my face. Finally, just I, him and a couple of miles away are a pack of blood thirsty Wargs and Orcs. Not to mention I'm pretty sure every eye in the group is zoned in on us - either in a smug way or a suspicious and grumpy way - totally not talking about Thorin. Ignoring them, a quirk of a smile appears on my lips.
"And what's your version of a good day? Probably like hanging out with your friends and drinking and getting with girls, eh?" I think you're trying too hard. Kili looked up with wide eyes at me, his cheeks full with food. Don't laugh, don't laugh . . .
"What - ?"
"I'm joking!" I hastily recover with an awkward laugh as I take a small bite from my food, munching on it quickly. "But seriously, what do you consider a good day? Do you just hang out with your friends or what?" I take another bite of my food to keep me occupied - I didn't want to be all Edward Cullen creepy by watching him eat his food. I chew my food silently as Kili gulps down what he has in his mouth, his lips curling inwards towards his mouth.
"I, uh, I actually don't have any friends," Kili murmurs in a low tone, as though nervous and self-conscious of this piece of personal information being shared. Oh, my heart. "A lot of the Dwarves at home think I'm like a lot like Thorin."
Whatever does he mean? Thorin is such a delightful man to have around! "And most of them are older. They don't want to be seen hanging around with me. I only really have Fili - he was my only friend before I came on this quest."
A part of me feels uncomfortable at this because I know I should probably comfort him but a lot of my comforting would involve lots of alcohol, promises of beating their arses before peeing on the side of a road and, finally, gracefully passing out in a pool of my own vomit in my bathroom. Stay classy. My face has slipped slightly at Kili telling me this but I can't help but feel over joyed that he's actually telling me this - like I'm an important enough person to him and that he can trust me. Keep focused, Libby.
Oh, yeah. Right, sorry.
"Don't worry, dude," I scoff, leaning over to punch his arm lightly with my fist, "When you guys reclaim that mountain or whatever it is that you're doing, everyone is going to respect you better and realise just how frickin' amazing and brave and awesome you are! Plus, I'm guessing there will be a lot of girls." I wiggle my eyebrows and laugh while ignoring the stupid, petty sadness I got from saying that.
Ha, ha, ha, that hurt really badly.
"I doubt it. Back home, I was made fun of because I have not yet grown a proper beard," Kili's eyebrows furrow together and he drops his slightly confused yet angry gaze to his boots. "I often think there might be something wrong with me."
No, no.
Don't say that.
I actually feel my heart breaking at his words but I don't want to make things worse by insisting that he was already handsome without a beard and to me he was perfect. No need for any mushy feelings crap like that.
"Why would there be something wrong? I mean, so what you can't grow a beard? You look frickin' ho - h –" I stop in my tracks and swallow my words before continuing.
"You look pretty cool already!" Eat, eat, eat to avoid the weirdness of you almost admitting you thought he is hot.
Actually he probably doesn't know the use of 'hot' in that way. I bite down on my food again, filling my mouth as I try not to imagine the sheer awkwardness there would be if I had told him I thought he was hot.
"In our culture, it is believed that the longer the beard a man has the more desirable he is to women," Kili confides as he looks up from his gaze on his boots to glance over at the group. I follow his line of sight and as soon as the others see us looking, they instantly turn away starting up random chatter and digging into their food. Subtle. I shake my head as a small smile plays on Kili's lips, his eyes turning away.
The sun has fully set now with the moon right above us. The eerie silver glow casts upon Kili's face, highlighting his features; he has no wrinkles on his face, making him look even younger. His stubble looks darker than I have noticed before and a crease is formed between Kili's eyebrows there are dark circles beneath his chocolate eyes. His usually brown, soft hair is now messy and tangled with pine needles and dirt. I almost want to reach out and loosen the tangles but I keep my left hand firmly on the dead rabbit and the right on the base of the wooden plate.
"I often hear them make fun of me; Fili tells me to ignore them and I do try but . . . " Kili's words die as they leave his mouth, fading off into the air as I feel both sad and angry that he is being bullied by a bunch of stupid old women. His eyebrows knit further together and - oh dear God, he looks like a lost puppy.
Oh no.
Must. Resist. Urge. To. Hug.
"Hey," I whisper softly, a reassuring smile, my hand instantly reaching out to be placed comfortably on his bent knee. "One day they're going to regret that; give me a bottle of whiskey and I will go and kick their butts. You know, if I don't pass out first. I know it's wrong for guys to hit girls and it's actually wrong for anyone to hit anyone but believe me, I'm up for a little ass whooping any time." I puff out my chest at my little speech as Kili chuckles under his breath.
Wait, does he not know that I'm serious?
Maybe I should laugh it off too . . .
A nervous laugh falls past my chapped lips as I eat the remainder of my meal, all but stuffing it into my mouth as my eyes divert from Kili's brown ones. "What about you, Libby?" He asks, amused by my threats to the women who I have yet to meet. I gulp audibly as I place the wooden plate down with a clank beside me. I feel awkward because I'm finished before Kili is even half way done.
"What about me?" I ask, eating what is left of my precious food. Damn, I'm hungry already.
"Do you have a perfect day? What about your friends?" He quizzes with genuine interest in his eyes and face. Oh no, my heart can't take this. He is so perfect when - uh, I mean. Moving on. I pause as I clasp my hands together as I think for an answer to his question.
"Well, my perfect day would either be sleeping all day or . . . no, that's it. And I never really had friends either," I admitted confidently, knowing that he wouldn't laugh at me. "I had friends, you know, but I didn't have friends, if you know what I mean? I talked with them and laughed with them but I never really could call them true friends. Like, if I wasn't there they wouldn't notice; I would be the last person to know if they wanted to hang out - that's like meeting up and talking together. I just felt like I wasn't anyone's favourite person and no one really cared but it was all good besides that. I had a good life, y'know? I had a Mom and a Dad, I would go to my Mom's parents every birthday or celebration. I mean, I had a good life. I guess I just wasn't a good enough person to keep around; I was always - and still am to this day - a weird kid and I never really got along with either boys or girls. I always thought that if they didn't like me there must be something wrong with me."
Kili stared at me with his head cocked to the side, like a curious child. Had he been expecting some kind of sob story? That one time I didn't get what I wanted for Christmas and my life was ruined? I knew I had a good life and, yes, there were some hardships and I often felt very lonely and sad like most teenagers do but that's life, right? I went through what nearly every teenager went through: there were times I didn't like my body, I had trouble with acne and still have the scars on my face to prove it, I was self-conscious most of the time but I just accepted that, as a human, that is how I am going to feel for probably the rest of my life. It's quiet for a moment until Kili speaks again.
"There is nothing wrong with you," Kili confesses, causing me to look straight into his eyes with my eyebrows raised up. "You are good enough, Libby. Sometimes, I can't believe you're real. I think that you are nothing but a dream because you are so perfect."
Oh.
Oh.
OH.
My heart beats wildly in my chest, like a stampede of horses with their hooves knocking against my fragile rib cage. Oh, fuck me and fuck you, Kili! You can't say shit like that and not expect a girl to melt inside and become a puddle of warm goo. I feel a blush blossom across the surface of my cheeks as I smother the smile on my lips. Act natural, act natural, Libby.
"Thanks and you're not too bad yourself," I grin back wickedly, almost winking at him before reeling myself back with the fishing line. One step at a time, Libby, one step at a time.
"Tell me about your parents," Kili states, as he sets aside his plate, inching forward so that our knees bump and brush against each other. I gawp at his questions, wondering what made him think of something like that to ask.
"Hm . . ." I begin to ponder as one arm wraps around my waist and the elbow of the other rests on it, my finger tapping against my chin as I screw my face up. "Nothing really special. They were your regular type of Mom and Dad. My Dad was a banker and my mom is a party organiser - it's exactly as you think. My mom was always one for dressing up; she liked everything to be perfect. Of course, I wasn't near her idea of perfection and often she would give out to me about things but other than that, she was a good mom and I knew she loved me. My dad was a banker and he was the regular type of Dad. Until he was mugged and it went wrong and he wound up dead." The words came out through a tight throat but I didn't let it affect me.
Kili is silent as he stares at me with something I recognise - pity. I try to smile as though it didn't affect me but I can feel the tug in my heart.
"I lost my Da too; it happened before I was born. I don't even know what he looks like. I've been told that Fili looks exactly like him except I have his eyes. My mother raised both Fili and me all by herself with help from Thorin here and there." Kili pauses, a frown settling on his face before a smile replaces it, his head shaking while his loose hair scatters around him. "I knew it was hard for her; I was always in trouble. She thinks I'm reckless."
I give out a snort completely agreeing with the statement; Kili gives me a wicked grin and I place my hands up in surrender to let him continue his story. Kili gives a shrug as a sigh bleeds past his lips.
"She barely let me go on this quest; she only let me go on account of a promise," he told me, a smile playing on the corners of his lips. I raise my eyebrows in true curiosity. Kili quickly pulls back and begins to fumble around in his coat/cloak, checking the pockets. I watch him as a smile suddenly flashes across his face and he pulls out something from a pocket; he leans back into the position we were at before and holds out his hand. Taking my hand - insert long, girly sigh here - Kili opens it flat out and I stare down at my palm; placed in the middle is a smoothed, emerald coloured stone that flashes in the moonlight.
There are markings on the surface of the stone; it is obvious they were carved in with both love and care. The pad of my index finger trace over the markings that were obviously in another language. It feels light in my hand and touch is like water; I flip it over to inspect the other side but it's blank. I turn it back over and gaze at the markings for a few seconds longer.
"These markings . . . what do they mean?" My eyes fly up and my breath catches in my throat at how close Kili - with only a few centimetres between us. My heart has a spasm attack as I try to calm myself down.
"It's my promise to her; 'Come back to me', it says," he admits as I continue to stare at his profile but his eyes are on the rune stone in my hands. The corners of my lips tilt up as a blush creeps up on my neck before I drop my gaze, taking his hand out and placing the stone back into his palm. I look up and give him a cheeky grin as I pull my hands away.
"Better make sure you tuck that somewhere safe in case you lose it," I tease lightly as I feel my eyelids start to get heavier. I stretch my arms over my head giving out a yawn. "Well, I better hit the hay. Thanks for the food and stuff. I'll bring the shiz – uh, stuff back." I grab both of Kili's and my plate, balancing them on one palm before bending down to pick up my bag and slipping the strap over my head. I hope the patch on the back of my pants hasn't gotten any worse.
Kili gets to his feet too, stretching his muscles - his very amazing, fine muscles. Sorry, I, uh, got lost. I smile up at him with genuine sincerity.
"Thanks for the company, Kili," I say sheepishly, all but shying away from him. "I really needed it thanks."
"It wasn't a problem, Libby; you're my friend and I'll always be here."
Damn, what do I say? Should I hug him? Kiss him? Bro - fist?
"Um, well, night," I blabber before turning away feeling my face getting even hotter. As I get near enough towards the group and the warmth of the orange fire, I notice every single eye is on me and I can feel myself turn even redder.
"What? Take a picture, it'll last longer!" I snap at the group and some of them turn away but others - such as Fili - give me a smug grin; Bofur gives me an innocent, winning smile; Gandalf isn't as so much smiling but giving a raised eyebrow look and Thorin - oh shit, Thorin is more suspicious and distrusting than glaring at me.
It's just then I remember.
I still need to put in a pad.
Fuck.
Hello?
Is it me you're looking for?
I can tell you that, yes, I am alive and no, I wasn't purposely being an asshole with keeping this chapter long awaited. It's just . . . I wanted to write it then school started and I had emotional break downs because school started and then school kept happening five days a week and . . . meh.
And it was really hard to write this. It took me the best of a month to actually do this. Like, I have written and rewritten this chapter so many times - I considered skipping it and going writing a chapter that starts with the DOS but I felt like I needed a moment or a scene like this because of fluff and I need Kili b/c I saw BOTFA.
hELp.
I went to see it with my friend, her sister and her sister's boyfriend and I was the only one crying and it was really awkward because near the end you could only hear me blowing my nose and during a certain scene with an Elf AND A DWARF I may have shouted out "WHAT THE FUCK" really loudly because I was pissed off and upset and crying and I have never cried this much.
I cried for an entire hour and a half and my friend had to explain to her mom why I was crying and I became so depressed that I binged on Kili and Fili and Thorin (noT LIKE THEM BEING PAIRED; I AM NOT INTO INCEST SORRY) fan fiction and that is how I wrote this chapter - through my pain and heart break.
I knew it was going to happen but just . . . not that way. I've decided to write this story in the movieverse because obviously most wouldn't have read the book and they are more familiar with the movie than anything.
So, anyway, I am very sorry for the long wait and here are 8,000 words to make up for the hiatus. I had written one chapter and I was around 2,000 words in but I just . . . I didn't like it. And then I rewrote it and rewrote it until - tada! This is the shitty finish!
I hope that you all can enjoy this.
So, please, please, please review, follow and favourite!
-tateslangdon