"Alice!" Jervis cried out immediately.
There was a pregnant pause, "...alright, Alice is her name," the Joker said rather weirded out,
"I can diagnose you right now, you are a hopeless creep, why do I have to do this?"
"Shut up Crane, you love having us here to validate your existence,"
"...you didn't have to say that," said Jonathan with a hurtful tone,
"let's begin, remember Jervis we don't have all the time in the world so quickly imagine that Jonathan here is a beautiful blonde woman named Alice and she has a sassy look in her eyes directed right at you,"
"why does she have to be beautiful?" Jonathan intervened,
"shut up Crane! It's all yours Jervis."
Jervis exhaled rather loudly and approached Jonathan, while he rolled her eyes behind the paper bag,
"I love you," Jervis said,
"no, start over, that's too much,"
"um, okay, hello miss, would you freak out if I told you that I love you?"
"Yes, a lot, why would you tell me that you weirdo?"
"Because it's true,"
"that's not possible I don't even know you,"
"but I know you, I've known you my whole life,"
"...the corny police called, they say you are gay, this isn't working," the evil Jonathan Crane exclaimed,
"oh yeah, and what do you suggest we do genius? You went to school for this,"
"I have no idea, to tell you the truth I've forgotten everything that doesn't have to do with fear or chemicals that combined cause fear, but I do know that he needs to see an example first, here's what we'll do," Jonathan pointed at the Joker, "you are Alice now and I am me, check how it's done."
The Joker instantly turned his back to them and moved his head to the side while waving her eyebrows up and down suggestively, at the same time Jervis observed attentively.
Jonathan cleaned his throat, "have you ever thought about what your grandchildren might look like?" He said,
"em, no, have you?" The Joker said with a distinctly feminine voice,
"oh yeah all the time," Jonathan answered, "I'm obsessed with it, sometimes I just want to spawn some offspring so they can...reach a certain age and then spawn some offspring of their own just so I can take a look at the little bastards, and discover what scares them, sometimes the mere thought of what my grandchildren might be scared of makes…,"
"alright I think that's enough for me, you sir are a pig," the Joker said before simulating walking away. "Okay pause," he then said with his regular voice, "that was...something, but let's change it up a bit, now Jonathan will roleplay as a regular person, maybe someone named Martin or Michael, so Jervis can see what regular folks say to ladies to ask them out,"
"fine, I'll try," Jonathan said before removing the paper bag from his head, revealing an extremely pale face with a long nose and a badly cut, short reddish hair, messily styled to the side,
"perfect, so I'm Alice again," the Joker said using his feminine voice again, "start,"
"excuse me madam," Jonathan exclaimed, lowering the tone of his nasal voice but somehow speaking louder, and also standing straighter, with his chest out, "I'm so sorry to bother you," he continued, "my name is...Martin...Michael...Plunkett, I couldn't help but notice you from a far and I just have to say that you are very beautiful and I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me sometime, we could go get a coffee in the afternoon or whenever you are free, I know I'm not the easiest person on the eyes but I can assure you that if you give me the chance I'll treat you just how I would like someone to treat me, with respect, tact, consideration, and giving you enough space to be yourself, and I'll make you laugh too, I guarantee it,"
"hmm, that sounds good but you are neither athletic nor handsome, and it doesn't look like you have any money, where would you take me?"
"Well, I don't know, I didn't think I'd get this far, when I was out I liked to frequent a small coffee shop downtown, but last I remember they were doing repairs on it and I don't know if they've finished, maybe we could stand outside of it and talk, no, that wouldn't be good would it? Especially if it was sunny out, I'd have to take my cousin's friend's van too because I can't drive stick, I mean I can but the car would die on me a bunch of times and I'd look like a fool or I could cause an accident...I'm having some trouble coming up with a good idea for where to take you because you seem well traveled, and what I mean by that is that I just said a bunch of words to you and you are already asking me where I would take you, I don't mean well traveled as in you've had a lot of partners, sexual partners, and
it's like, I'm not a serial killer, specifically speaking, and I'm just saying that because that's the first thing people think about when they think about going on a date with a stranger, as if it were the only bad thing that could happen to them, some unlucky people would've preferred to die I'll tell you that much...so anyway I have no idea, maybe batburger?"
Another pregnant pause,
"...did you see what happened here Jervis?" The Joker said as the Joker again, "this man came in oozing confidence, as you should, but then he crumbled after the first question,"
"yeah? Let's see you do better clown," Jonathan exclaimed,
"no, this time I have a better idea, I'll see how I do better," the Joker said before raising his two naked index fingers, which already had two faces drawn on them with black ink, a man with his hair drawn to the side and glasses on his right finger, and a woman with long hair on his left one, "this is Pete," he said as he waved his right finger, "and this is Peggy," he added as he waved his left one,
"did you draw those on your fingers just for this?" Jonathan asked, "or did you do this whole thing just so you could use your drawings?"
The Joker ignored him and put his two fingers in front of each other, then moved his right one as he spoke,
"hello! My name is Pete, what's yours?" He said,
then moved his left finger as he continued, "I'm Peggy, and I like horses".
He moved his right finger, "really? That's very interesting, can I buy you dinner?"
He then moved his left finger, "hm, I'm not sure, I don't know you",
"and how do you plan to get to know me if you don't agree to go out with me, ha? I'm asking,"
"maybe I don't want to get to know you,"
"so is that a no?"
"Yes,"
"is that a yes?"
"No, I'm saying yes it is a no, I don't want to go out with you,"
"great, I have failed my grandfather, the king of getting dates." The Joker then raised his left middle finger to reveal that he had drawn another face on it, of a man just like the one on his right finger except this time it had a mustache,
"grandson," he said as he moved his left middle finger, "you haven't failed me yet, there's still time for you to make it right and get a date with Peggy,"
"how?"
"You need to believe in yourself, just like I believe in you, you can do it, seal the deal."
The Joker made Pete look directly at Peggy, "hey please go on a date with me, I won't be mean to you,"
"okay, I'll go on a date with you,"
"yes, I did it grandpa, all thanks to you,"
"good job grandson, I love you…" the Joker said as he put his right index finger right in front of his left middle finger, and kept them just like that for a few seconds,
"...you know, it's too bad that in this society you can't marry your grandfather..." the Joker put his right index finger in front of his face and looked at it, "...or can you?" He then made Pete and his Grandpa kiss, touching the tip of his right finger with the one of his left middle finger for a prolonged period of time at the same time he made kissing noises, while the other two in the room stayed quiet, silently done with him,
"did I do it right?" He asked to both Jonathan and Jervis after some time, as both of his fingers were almost fully black, with the faces previously drawn on them now indistinguishable,
"Who am I to judge bro?" Jonathan said.
"So, Jervis, after all of that do you think it has become easier for you to talk to women?"
"Um...well...no...not really to be honest, but it has been quite informative."
The Joker and Jonathan both looked at Jervis with tired yet angry eyes, it seemed like he was not appreciating their efforts to help him.
"Let me ask you a real question," Jonathan then said to Jervis, "what goes through your mind right after the thought of a woman talking to you appears, what do you think is going to happen to you afterwards?"
"Well, I'm afraid,"
"uhh...tell me more, what makes you afraid?"
"I'm very afraid,"
"oh yeah...",
"yes, I'm afraid they don't love me like I love them,"
"you are right in being afraid of that, your instincts are correct, they don't love you and they never will, in fact I don't think they can feel anything but hate, shame and fear at the sight of a freak like you,"
"is that so? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror? You'll never have grandchildren, you'll never have children of your own,"
"you think I don't know that? You really are deranged then,"
"coming from you that must be a compliment,"
"what about me?" The Joker interrupted,
"you are deranged too and I'm sure your so called girlfriend is free, having fun with Poison Ivy, you are just a hopeless creep like us,"
"I can show you a hopeless creep if you want," the Joker exclaimed, revealing just how short his temper actually was,
"oh yeah, could you roleplay as Alice while you do it?" Jonathan challenged him,
"I'll roleplay as the great grandma that you murdered,"
"I'll kill you,"
"what's the point?" Jervis said to himself. Then he placed his hand on the edge of his hat and closed his eyes, but before he could do anything a distinct shadow on the broken wall caught his sight,