Disclaimer: I own nothing.

CHRISTMAS CAROLERS

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Ed was sitting in his armchair, reading A Dummy's Guide on How to Get Tall. It was snowy, a perfect December night. How could anything go wrong?

"Brother! Brother!"

"Don't bother me now, Al! I'm learning how to get tall!"

"But I'm bored."

"Invite some friends over."

"I don't have any. You and I are lonely hermits."

"You could invite some people from Central."

"Great idea Brother!" some dialing "Hello?... Hi! This is Alphonse Elric!... We're throwing a party!"

Edward stood up. "Party? I said you could invite some friends!"

Al ignored Ed. "Yeah, be here around eight… Call everyone you know!"

"What?"

"Great… See ya!"

"Alphonse! Where's your brain! We can't have a party! Sometimes I think you're metal head is empty."

"It is empty Brother. Anyways, I have to go to the store! I'm getting some eggnog!"

"While you're there, pick up some aspirin."

"Why?"

"…"

"Okay, then."

So Alphonse merrily set off to buy eggnog… and some aspirin. He was skipping along when he heard a familiar sound. The sound of meowing.

"Kitties!"

Al sped of in the direction of the mewing. He came upon a cardboard box with a litter of five kittens. He squealed with delight.

"Come, my furry friends! Drinks on me!"

The kittens each tried to commit suicide, but weren't successful for Alphonse was hugging them too tightly. Then, with kittens in arm, and money in purse, he began to skip to the store again.

When he got there, he grabbed a shopping cart, put his purse up front with his kitties, and proceeded to hunt down eggnog!

Back at home, Edward was in his room, sound-proofing the walls. Al would most likely pick up cats and then he'd have to isten to them mew all night. Not gonna happen!

"Crap, why'd Al have to throw a party tonight! Why does he need friends; he's only a tin can!"

Just then, the doorbell rang. Edward called, "I'll get it."

He opened the front door, not suspecting the horrors behind it…

"We wish you a merry Christmas,

We wish you a merry Christmas,

We wish you a merry Christmas,

And a happy New Year!

Good tidings we bring to you and your-"

Edward slammed the door, bolting it and double locking it. Christmas Carolers! He raced over to the phone, dialing the police.

ringing (answering machine) We've got your police and your eggnog, and we're holding them for ransom. Do anything stupid and we'll kill 'em! Please leave your name and number and we'll get back to you shortly.

"Noooooo! The Christmas Carolers have taken over the police force!"

Edward quickly ran to the basement, bringing up nails and boards. He began hammer the windows and doors shut. When he was done, he tried to relax and watch some TV.

"They can't get me now."

He sat back down in his armchair, turning on the news.

(reporter) Apparently, Christmas carolers have been taking over the world. We don't know what they want, but they say they're holding the police and eggnog for ransom. Here's what some people have to say:

(old man) I can't go on without my eggnog! How could someone be so heartless?

(person from mental facility) Now that the eggnog is gone, there is no point to living. -gun shot-

(reporter) … right. In other news, giant penguins have been seen flying over-"

Edward switched the TV off. He closed his eyes, trying to nap. Then he jolted up.

"What was that?"

He listened again and heard the floorboard creaking. He looked around and saw something dash across the room.

"Oh, crap."

"Jingle bells, jingle bells,

Jingle all the way,

O, what fun it is to ride,

In a one horse open sleigh,

Hey!"

"You'll never take me alive!"

Edward pulled out some grenades, attaching them to himself. The singing stopped.

"Don't do it, kid. Take the grenades off…"

"DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!"

"You'll only be hurting yourself…"

"DAMN STRAIGHT!"

Edward reached to set off the grenades, but they didn't go off. The Christmas carolers watched expectantly. Nothing.

"Crap."

The Christmas carolers began to attack Ed!

"Al! Help me! Christmas… cheer… IT BURNS!"

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Poor Ed. Such a horrible fate. :'o(