Disclaimer: I own nothing.

MISSION: SAVE ED

Situation: Al is throwing a party and is presently at the store purchasing eggnog. Ed is being mobbed by Christmas carolers. Such a sad fate.

Al pushed his cart down to the refrigerated section of the store. He was a little weirded out by the fact that everyone in the store was dead, but he decided it was just a coinky-dink.

Al looked around for the eggnog. The entire shelf where it normally was, was bear. He fell to his knees and screamed, "Nooooooooooooooooo!"

A tear slid down Alphonse's metal cheek. "I... will... have... my... REVENGE!"

From out of nowhere, Al brandished a rocket launcher. "WHO HAS THE EGGNOG?"

"Parlez!" shouted Ed.

The carolers stopped mobbing him."Parlez?"

"I saw it in this movie, Pirates of the Caribbean. Because I said that you have to take me to your leader." Ed smirked.

The carolers scratched their heads. "Whose idea was that?"

"That would be the French," said a mysterious voice from the shadows.

"Jack Sparrow!" shouted Ed.

"Captain Jack Sparrow," corrected Captain Jack Sparrow. "And here come my fan girls."

"Not the fan girls!" pleaded the carolers.

"Eeeeeee! Like oh meh gawd! It's Jack Sparrow!"

"Fangirls," said Captain Jack Sparrow, "Attack the carolers!"

"We obey, master," squealed all of the thousands of fangirls in unison.

The fangirls turned to the carolers with fangs and claws. Their eyes were rolled up into their heads and they were frothing at the mouth. Some even hissed. "In the name of Johnny Depp," They squealed. Then, they charged the cheery carolers.

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"You don't really want to go to Al's party, do you Riza?" asked Mustang innocently.

"Yes... I do." she answered.

"What if I took you to a fancy restaurant instead.?"

"Okay!"

-LATER-

"Roy! If I'd known you were taking me to MCDONALDS, I would have gone to Al's party!"

"The commercial said it was fancy. And look, they serve finger sandwiches! Yum."

"Ya really want to know how they make this food?" growled Riza.

"Not really..."

"I'll tell you! They take a live animal and shove it into a blender, turning it on full throttle. Then, they take the bone, feather, meat mixture and bread it with snot! And because so many people eat here, they mass produce these things they call 'burgers' and have left overs. Where do the left overs go? Into the drinking supply, poisoning us and causing cancer."

"Then we better eat up so that none gets into the drinking supply, right?"

Riza pulled out a gun and shot Mustang. "I'm leaving! Hmph."

Mustang bleeds all over the table and dies. Some poor hired teenager has to come in and remove the blood and body. They're too lazy to do it. The customers won't notice; it's only one body.

Jack Sparrow, Ed, and all of the fangirls were beaten in battle and tied up. So sad. Now they are being taken to the caroler leader, who is none other than... SANTA CLAUS!

"Ho-ho-ho. I see we have captured the infamous Jack Sparrow. And some short guy."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL-."

"Put a lid on it, shorty," says Santa Claus. A lid instantly appeared on Ed's mouth.

I jump into the story out of nowhere. "Who are you calling short, fatty?"

"So my carolers didn't bring spread the Christmas cheer onto you?" said the fat man in red.

"I am too powerful for such petty cheerfulness."

"You think you can beat me, Lisa?"

"Bring it on, fatty!"

"We shall do battle then! Prepare yourself."

Somewhere out of the story, a timer goes off. I shout "Hold on a sec. I think my muffins are done."

-hops out of story-

"...right. I guess now that she's out of the way, I am free to spread the Christmas cheer to Jack Sparrow! And some short guy." Ho-hoed Santa.

-I hop back in the story. Gee, that's fun. You seriously gotta try that-

"It appears that my muffins weren't done baking! It set the timer for five more minutes! We can yet do battle, o-fat one." I say.

Santa rips off his jacket thingy to reveal... a hairy chest! Ewww...

"Put your shirt back on, old man!" I scream.

"Never!"

"Power... is weakening... losing consciousness... becoming very nauseous..."

"Who will save you now, Lisa?" ho-ho's Santa.

"I will!"

"Will Turner! Our second favorite!" squeal the tied up Jack Sparrow fangirls.

Will's own fangirls are preparing to fight.

"Hey, hey! Lisa! Isn't this a Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction?" screams Ed.

"Yes."

"Then why are they here?"

"Just to annoy you, Edo-kun! -"

My mission to save Ed isn't doing so well. -sigh-

I am so sorry for disgusting grammar! I keep changing from present tense to past tense, but past tense sounds really bad in a comedy, but I already did it like that... whatever -

ignore the grammar for now! Please R&R