BACK TO NORMAL?

SCENARIO: Ed narrowly escaped Santa Claus and things appear to be settling back down. Jack Sparrow had to go shoot POTC2, so he wasn't able to stay. However... a different famous star may be reappearing. And where is Al? And what movie will be used in this fic?

Disclaimer: I own nothing. But I DO have Ed trapped in my circular room of horrors! Muhahaha!

Ed: I escaped! Water! WATER!

Me: Here try this.

Ed: munch munch Agh, now I'm even more thirsty! What is this?

Me: Those would be ordinary, common, household pretzels!

Ed: The salt! It burns!

Me: hehehe...

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"Wow," said Ed. "It's great to finally be home after all of that weird stuff that happened."

Ed goes and opens the door to his house and puts his house key on the counter, taking off his jacket. He starts to walk upstairs when he notices the strange odor of... party favors? Ed glances left ad right. Party favors meant party. Party meant people. People meant popsicles...

Ed transmuted his arm into a sword and jumped out into his living room.

"Surprise!" shouted at least fifty people.

"DIE YOU FIENDS!" Ed screamed slashing at them.

-I pop into story and watch contentedly-

All of a sudden, who waltzes through the door but... ARAGORN! luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff luff

"What? Where's Arwen? I was just making out with her-"

"Two timer!" I rip Ed's arm off and use it to attack Aragorn.

Legolas comes through the door and looks around. "Gimili, I don't think we're in Middle Earth anymore."

Gimli comes through just as I chuck a frying pan at Aragorn, which he avoids, and it hits Gimli on the forehead. I burst out laughing.

Ed walks over to Gimli and stands on his tip toes to find... Gimli's taller! Hahaha! (Gimili is a dwarf by the way. Forgot how to spell his name...)

"Where are we?" Asks Legolas.

"Amestris," I say, eating a spoonful of peanut butter.

"Have we met before?" Legolas asks.

"Yeah, you do look kinda familiar... nope, I got nothin'." I glance around. "Hey. Did you guys bring any of the midgits?"

"Hello," says Frodo as he walks through the door.

"Yay!" I run over and mess with the little guy's hair. He looks at me irrritably.

"Why'd you do that?"

"Because I never thought that I'd meet a real live midgit!"

"I'm not real. I'm only a part of your sadistic imagination, used as a tool to write with to produce comical works of an author. Nothing here is real, not Legolas, not Gimli, Not Ed, Not even Aragorn."

"NO!"

"Yes!" says Ed.

"I am procured by your cerebrum, the largest part of your brain. It controls thoughts, learning, memorization, etc. You are really just sitting on your couch typing a two-way, one-person conversation, as I am the technical part of you that wishes you to stop such nonsense. Basically, you are talking to yourself."

"NO!"

"Yes!" says Ed.

"The fact is that because you are typing this, you are using this as an escape, and I am merely your conscious clarifying that. You are sad or worried about something, or you just need a break from real life. I suppose it's okay to do on a rare occasion, but you do it almost everyday, you lazy slob!"

"NO!"

"Yes!" says Ed.

"Did you know that your puppy is in need of a bathroom break as you type this and he is about to go in the house?"

"NO!"

"Yes!"

Riza steps through the doorway. "Sorry I'm late." Glancing at Frodo she says, "What seems to be the problem?"

"LIES, ALL OF THEM!" -rocks back and forth-

"...Okay. What'd you do to the author, Frodo?"

He shakes his head. "I merely shattered her sense of security."

"You idiot! This could mean the end of us."

"What!" everyone shouts.

"Without an author... we don't exist!"

Everyone turns to Frodo. -glare-

"I... but... she... um... di... hu... pie... yummm..."

The power goes out. -screaming-

Riza sighs. "That's always the first thing to go, the power. Now I can't watch my soaps." -pulls gun out and shoots Frodo-

"Hey guys, look over here!" shouts Ed.

All look out the window. They see that the house is floating in black nothingness, aka, my mind. Resembool has disappeared.

Riza sighs again. "That's always the second thing to go, the scenery."

"W-what's the third thing," asks Envy quivering. -Riza pull out gun and shoots Envy-

"That would be... characters disappearing into thin air. I'm not sure but-" she is cut off as she puffs in a cloud of smoke.

A random person suggests that someone tries reasoning with the author. All agree. -turns and looks at Ed-

"What?"

"She's Ed obssessed. She'll listen to you."

"She's evil! She locked me in a circular room and told me to the count the corners for two WHOLE YEARS!"

Santa Claus appears out of nowhere. "Where am I? I was just vacationing in the Bahamas when- holy crap!" He notices everyone staring at him in his speedo. -awkward silence-

The room bursts into screaming. "It burns!" "Cover your eyes, children!" "I feel pain in my eyes!" "Death is better than this!" Half the people kill themselves rather than look at Santa in a speedo. Hastily, Santa covers his red suit in a towel.

"What I'd like to know is what's going on!"

"Well, it's a long story," begins Fuery.

"Not really." says Falman. "Frodo explained to Lisa that this is all her imagination. Lisa had a mental break down, and now her story isn't funny anymore."

"This is serious."

"Has anyone seen Al?" asks Ed.

-meanwhile in Middle Earth-

"One eggnog to rule them all. One eggnog to find them. One eggnog to bring them all into darkness, bind them. This is the one eggnog, forged by the dark lord, Al'o'Tincan. You can tell because when you throw it in the fire, lines appear!"states Gandalf happily.

"Those are scratch marks." says Sam.

"Oh, so now you're the wizard? Are you going to tell me how to run my job now? Why is it always that way? I mean, it's not as though you went through five hard years of college to get this job, now did you , you little -censor-! So you're going to tell me that you're better than me? Is that it? Yup, I thought so. Well, you know what, I don't care anymore!"

"Sorry, sir."

"Screw this! I'm going to the Bahamas!"

"But sir, I need a guide to destroy the eggnog!"

"Here. Take this creepy little blue feller with you."

"Why does he have to be creepy, and blue?"

-ignore, ignore, ignore-

"Very well, sir."

Just than, Al bursts in with his rocket launcher. "where's MY EGGNOG?"

-BOOM- bye bye Gollum!

-BOOM- bye bye Sam!

"Finally... my precious... my precious..."

Peter Jackson walks on set. "This ain't in the script! And hey, who are you? Give us the eggnog and get off of the set!"

"NEVER! AHAHAHA!" says Al, blowing the enitre crew up.

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yikes! I've gone mental and now Al is unleashed upon our world... this could go terribly... wrong...

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