A Typical Day in High School
Chapter 6: Getting Stoned in School Makes You Pass Tests, so Long as Everyone Else Is (this title has absolutely nothing to do with this story. it doesn't even say the right chapter, so that should've been an indication)
Normally I would put a recap of what happened last chapter, but this one is gonna be so crazy that there won't be a point in doing that, so I'll just skip straight to the actual story.
I now bring you the next day...Sunday. Normally a time for relaxing, like what the bible says. But if you've been reading this from the beginning, you'll know even the most peaceful intended days can turn into complete, utter, and occasionally chock full of cursing, chaos.
On one cloudy and rainy Sunday morning, the day after the bust that was the school's only LIVE Internet comedy show, a half sleep Tai and Tails woke up at 6:30 A.M.to get some milk for some reason I haven't been able to imagine yet. Yet little did they know there were dangerous people out this early, or that the convienence store didn't open up for about another 4 hours. When they got to the store, Tai tried to open the door, only to see it was locked. He tried over and over again, until it was an hour later. Tails looked up to see the store hours on the door. It said: Sun-Sat 10 A.M. to 8 P.M.
" 'Ay yo Tai...Tai..." Tails said to try and get Tai's attention.
"Can't you see I'm trying to open this door here?" he snapped.
"I know that, but I can see why you can't open th...or..." Tails told him. Everything in italics was when Tai stopped listening. And further still, Tai started punching the door.
"Tai...can you please stop trying to beat the shit out of this innocent door before he has to go to the hospital for a second?" Tails pleaded.
"Will you stop bugg..."
"THEN LISTEN TO WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU, YOU FREAKING IDIOT!" Tails yelled at him, becoming 75 percent awake.
"Ok, what then? Why can't I open the door, Tails." Tai said sarcastically.
"I've been trying to tell you that the store doesn't open until 10:00."
"What time is it now?" Tai asked.
"About 8:00." Tails said.
"We might as well go home then..." they both said as they started walking back to the school.
"Wait!" a mysteroius and stoned-like voice called after them.
"What in the hell do you want? Can't you see we're trying to go home here?" Tai said irritably.
"Going home to "love" your partner? OK, I won't interrupt you." the voice said. Tai looked at Tails for a second, and Tails did the same, then at the place where the voice came from.
"HELL no! We were just going back to our school and wait for the convienence store to open up because we needed milk to eat some cereal." Tai and Tails both said.
"Why not just look at a picture of a naked woman and make your own?" the voice answered.
"Man, what the FUCK is up with you and the gay jokes?" Tails asked.
"Absolutely nothing. But I can help you with your predicament." it said.
"By busting down the door and steal some milk for us with your fat ass?" Tai asked.
"No. By selling you some of my milk-producing products." the voice.
"Milk-producing products? How dumb do you think we are he-she?" Tails asked.
"Very. But that's beside the point." the said to him.
"Can you atleast show us what your fat ass looks like?" Tai asked.
The mysterious figure stood out of the shadows on the side of the convienence store was revealed to be...a fat ass red cat that apeared to be 700 pounds holding a dark flying type chao.
"And I'm not fat! I just have a eating disorder." the fat ass red cat said.
"You're sooo right. Calling you fat would be an insult to all the other less fat people out there. The correct term for you would be 'King of Obesity'." Tai said.
"All jokes aside, were you interested in what I said earlier?" the fat ass red cat said.
"Yeah, sure, whatever. And he wasn't joking." Tails said.
"I show you my first product...milk powder!" the fat ass red cat said as he held a big bag of what appeared to be crack.
"And how does this work exactly?" Tails said.
"You pour out a small pile, separate it into rows with a feld up piece of paper, and sniff it." the fat ass red cat said while imitating a pouring motion.
"Sounds like what you do with crack." Tails said unassuredly.
"I'm not done yet. Then your spit will become milk! So the more you sniff, the more milk you get. And there's more!" the cat said.
"No, no, wait, let me guess. You're gonna...te..tell us you have "milk" weed...that you have to roll up in paper...and smoke it, right?" Tails tried to say in between laughs.
"And then your...your pee becomes milk...right?" Tai also tried to say while laughing.
"Yes..." the obviously drug dealing cat said in disappointment.
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AH AH HA AH AH AH AH AH HA! Wow, a fatty and a retard! What on Earth would make you think that we would buy any of that crap, man? No one would be that stupid. Except maybe Knuckles..." Tails exclaimed while Tai was still laughing.
"You say that like you actually have a choice in the matter." the 'King of Obesity' said.
"We're not buying that fake shit. Anyone can see those are drugs, you fool." Tai said bluntly.
"You're not leaving until you buy out my whole stock." you-know-who said.
"No we're not. Besides I'm broke anyway." Tails said plainly.
"Then I'll give it to you for free. But I am not holding on to this anymore."
"Your problem. How many times must I say I'm not taking this crap? And what can you possibly do...sit on us?" Tails said with a chuckle.
"Fine...we'll play it your way. Go ahead and leave. But I will have my revenge. Just you wait and see." the cat said as he disappeared after everything being shrouded in his own gas, followed by a few coughing noises. Yet little did the two foxes know they would be in for a surprise once the green-yellow smoke disappeared.
"Wow, uh...that was strange." Tails said with a look of confusion and fear on his face.
"This'll definitely be something to tell the group, eh?" Tai said back.
"That's if this bad gas ever clears. Man, what did that guy eat, 50 cans of beans or somethin'?" Tails tried to say while covering his mouth.
"I bet you wish you had a "gas" mask, don't you?" a whiny voice said followed by several other semi-maniacal whiny voices laughing at the first one's lame pun.
"Are those chao?" Tai asked.
"Sounds like it. Dark chao at that." Tails answered.
The smoke finally cleared, and the small, whiny voices were revealed to be an army of 50 Adult Chao, including Hero, Dark, Neutral, and Chaos types, with two of every attribute possible to each Chao type. The rest were just Angel and Devil chao. And to add to the hopelessness of it all, they were all armed with guns and beating sticks, all jokes aside.
"Uhh, I think we're in trouble." Tai said with a gulp.
"Don't think so." Tails said in midair as he started to float into the sky.
"What you gettin' at, Tails?"
"I mean I can fly...and you can't, that's what. Bet you wish you actually took T up on his offer for flying lessons. See ya back at school if you're still alive."
"Wait, what time is it?" Tai asked as what could be his last request.
"9:59 and 1 second. If you're good, they might let you get the milk we were planning to do when the store opens up, only to to beat you up as if they were getting revenge for beating up the door. BWA HA HA HA HA!" Tails explained, feeling manical. Afterward, he started flying torward the school.
"NO! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE! NONE OF THESE CHAO ARE FEMALE! How am I supposed to survive, man!" Tai pleaded.
"Yo, calm down...you're embarassing yourself and making the chao start to lose oxygen from laughing at your patheticness. I'd escape now while they're incapaticated." Tails explained calmly.
"A very good idea. I think I'll do that." Tai said quitely, trying to step out of the circle of laughing chao without them noticing. However, Tai stopped embarassing himself, and the leader chao(a midnight blue Devil chaos chao), stopped laughing long enough to remember what Tails said about Tai beating up the door. For some reason, this fueled the leader with rage. As a matter of fact, he was so mad that the other chao were able to sense this anger while they were laughing, soon turning to a nervous laugh because they weren't sure whether to be in a good mood or scared.
"Hold up, yo. Where you think you goin'..." Leader Chao said.
"Who, me. I was just escaping while you were nearly unconscious, is all. Nothing special." Tai said plainly.
"Not you. The guy flying in the sky trying to escape while we were fully conscious." Leader Chao partly snapped.
"So can I go, then?" Tai asked.
"Yeah, sure, whatever. So long as you don't know him."
"Swear I've never seen him. Isn't that right, Tails?"
Tai POV
Oh, what the fuck have I done? He's sure to know I know him now. Maybe I can use getting milk as a diversion and escape out the back door. Yeaa... back door... if they have one that is...
End POV
Leader Chao looked up at Tails, who was flying torward the school slowly for some reason or another. During this time, Leader Chao was closely examining Tails' person, trying to figure out why Tai would call this currently-unknown-to-him person. At 9:59 and 56 seconds, he finally figured it out. The unknown guy had two tails. Leader Chao learned from the Chao Kindergarten that any word that ends with s as its suffix means plural. He put two and two together and finally figured it out.
"Oh I get it now. You called him "Tails" because he has more than one tail. Clever...yes, very clever. Too bad that guy isn't." Leader Chao said to Tai as he pointed torward the yellow-oranged colored fox..
"What 'chu talkin' bout, Leader Chao?"
"It seems he's forgotten that Chao have the ability to fly as well. NiGhts Chao, and any other Chao that specialize in flying, go after him...Oh, and sneak three 6 oz.bags of milk powder in his pockets when you take him down."
"Yes sir." the six flying-specialist chao said taking off into the sky at a speed that rivaled Tails.
"Why do that?" Tai asked.
"What do you care. You don't even know him." Leader Chao replied.
"True." And with that, Tai went into the store, picked up some milk, and started torward the school also, only to be stopped by Leader Chao. He was holding out a card to Tai.
"You might need this." Leader Chao told Tai.
"No, I'm good."
"No, you're not. Leaving and not taking this card is bad. You've seen too much as it is already. Plus, it's just a contact card anyway"
Tai took the card.
"You're free to go now." Leader Chao told him. After hearing this, Tai sped off in a flash.
The six Flying-attribute Chao, accompainied by three Chaos Chao for backup, caught up to Tails in almost no time flat.
"I wonder if Tai's still alive." Tails thought as he looked behind himself, only to see himself being followed by nine Chao.
"Pull over. This is the CMA. Heed our warning, or you will get shot down and have Fatty's products stuffed into your house and/or current residence." A Nights Chao said.
"What are you gonna do, cry at me?" Tails yelled.
"Actually, we're going to shoot you down with our miniature M1682 5.56mm assault rifles. So you can either land now and surrender, or get killed before you take away someone's virginity from someone you really care for." one of the Devil Chao said.
"Do you even know what those are?"
"A bullet means the same in every language, so stick a fucking sock in it, you cow!" the Devil Chao said.
"Alright, alright. No need to curse at me. Gosh." Tails glumly replied as he descended slowly. As a matter of fact, it was so slow he was able to land right next to his first story open window at the school. From two miles away. Tails slowed down extra slow when he was right in front of it so as not to miss it. Of course, what with him being smart and all, he was able to judge his landing so as to glide right through it, immedieatedly closing it afterward to keep the CMA from shooting him.
"Whoa..., that was too close. They could've shot my poor babies off."(his tails, of course)the orange wonder said to himself out loud, yet with a slightly different sounding voice.
'Huh, that's weird. Something smells like a bong. And the air looks all white and stuff...like a delicious marshmallow or something...' Tails thought. He carefully surveyed the room, eventually seeing several bongs on the floor. Also with these were fans along the walls with big bags of crack behind them spraying it around the room in a mist-like form. Unknown to him, however, was that the mist around the room was really sugar mixed with salt (the kind used to melt snow).
"Wait a min...ute...crac...k...gas...cough...bon...gs cough cough...someone set...m..e...up. But...who? Ugh, why did I pick today to breathe through my nose?" Tails said in between periods of resisting the influence of the drug.
"Well, the whole air is full of it. No need fighting it now." he said to himself.
SNIFFFFFFFFF
"Hey, this isn't bad"
SNIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
"It's quite enjoyable...invig...invgo...invigorating, uhh, even."
SNIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
"Ahhh...AAAAAAH! My NOSE! The BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNNNNN, MANNN! AHH, WHAT DO PEOPLE SEE IN THIS SHIT, MAN! And why am I bleeding from my nose? Weird... "
10 minutes later...
Several yard bags full of pot, what appeared to be crack, cocaine, marijuana, weed, and bongs, respectively, came crashing through Tails's window.
"Oh, look...uhhhhhhh, oh, I know what those are! Pick me! Pick me, teacher! Pick me!" Tails exclaimed, although there was no teacher to be found. It took him a while to realize that he wasn't in class what with how much crack he was loaded up on.
"Those are giant piles of sh..."
Just then, Mr. Stoned's roommate storms through the door with a gallon of milk in hand.
"Wow...is it even possible for fart gas to be white...or visibile?" Tai said to himself. He continued to walk around the polutted room for several seconds untill he bumped into a lump on the floor. Whatever it was he bumped into caused a white substance to spill out on the floor from a bag. Tai looked down to see who this belonged to. A stoned-faced Tails lay before him.
"Tails...Taiiils, wake up." Tai said while shaking Tails trying to wake him up.
"Oh, hey sugar-plum fairy. Why are you at school, hah?" Tails said under the influence of the unknown to him sugar.
'This is worse than what I thought 10 seconds ago.' Tail thought to himself.
"We better get you to Silver. Maybe one of his special concoctions can help." the black fox told Tails while dragging him out the room, closing the door to keep the daze-inducing gas from spreading.
"Then again, he does deserve this for leaving me...n-no. I can do better than this, anyway." Tai thought.
"Where are we going, sugar plum fairy?" the Face-of-Stone asked.
"To the doctor. You're very sick."
"Can't we just eat candy or something? I don't wanna go to the doctor and get a shot. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!" Tails cried.
"Put a fucking sock in it, you shit faced fat fuck."
"Gasp! Sugar plum fairy, you-...you CURSED. I'm telling Santa when Christmas comes!"
"I'm NOT a sugar plum fairy. That isn't even a real made-up thing. I'm Tai, your roommate. You're at school. Don't make me have to slap you."
"Why'd you contradict yourself?" Tails asked, almost sounding normal for a moment. A silence came over the two roommates as Tai stared at Tails, taking in what he said for the logest of time.
"What'd you say?"
"Are you deaf or something? I said 'Why'd you contradict yourself?' Must I spell it out for you?"
After hearing what Tails said, Tai mysteroiusly became overwhelmed with joy and happiness...as if his heart had grown three times in size. He grabbed Tails in his arms in worry of losing him forever. In the midst of this goings-on, Shadow, Rouge, Knuckles, and Silver stepped out of their rooms for their own personal reasons. Each of them saw the incident described below, shocked at what had happened. Tails saw them during this time as well, closing his eyes in embarassment.
"Tails! I'd thought I'd lost you forever! Don't you ever make me worry like that ever again, you understand me?" the black fox said in relief.
"If you're done embarassing yourself as well as me to no end, do yourself a favor and don't look behind you." Tails told him as he pushed himself away and headed for the exit door to get some fresh air, what with his room being infected with crack and everything. Tai, being the hard headed bastard he is, looked behind himself anyways to see Shadow, Rouge, Knuckles, and Silver laughing their asses off from what just happened.
"I told you he was gay. Nobody could want to be sexual that much without covering up something." Knuckles implied.
"Damnit, Tai. You just made me lose $50,000, you gay ass ass-fucker." Rouge cried in disgust.
"I bet that's the only money you've ever made in your whole life, huh Knux?" Silver said sarcastically.
"Yup. And I'm going to spend every last cent of it to be the new Hugh Hefner." Knuckles replied plainly.
"Can we get back to me, please!" Tai yelled. Everyone else shut up."Thank you. Now let me explain what happened as to why what you just saw two minutes ago happened...
(Now I could type everything that happened at the beginning of this chapter all over again, but this is already long enough as it is, so I'll just skip this part)
"...And THAT'S why I was, err, acting differently." Tai finished.
"So...you aren't gay?" Rouge asked despite what Tai just explained for the last 15 minutes.
"Why the hell do you think I just took 15 minutes to say what I said?"
"To make the chapter longer?" Shadow asked.
"NO...well, that too, but still NO! Besides, it's over with anyway."
And he's right. This chapter is over. But what will happen next? Nobody knows. Not even...the author.
So until next time!
R&R would be appreciated.