As he took his usual early morning walk along the outpost corridors, Obi-Wan blew over his fingers, trying to warm them, but without any appreciable result.
Hoth had always been an inhospitable planet, but after spending almost twenty years on Tatooine, Obi-Wan found it even more difficult to cope with the chilly climate. No matter how many layers of clothes he wore, he was always cold.
There were only two exceptions to this state of things.
The first one was when he was training Luke, teaching him katas or sparring with him.
The boy had made great progresses in the past months, both in his lightsabre skills and his control of the Force.
As it had been with Anakin, Luke was a natural, his strong connection with the Force allowing him to learn more quickly than an average Jedi.
However, just like his father in the beginning, Luke lacked in concentration, focus and patience. Meditation was almost impossible with him; his mind was never at rest and in peace enough to listen to the Force. He was always thinking of something else: how to keep Han Solo tied to the Rebel Alliance, his friend Wedge, how to improve his starfighter, when he would engage the Imperials again. He always mused about the future, never about the here and now.
The last thought sometimes brought a smile on Obi-Wan's lips. He now finally understood why Qui-Gon had been so frustrated with him as a young Padawan for his tendency to concentrate more on the future than on the present. Other times, instead, this lack of progress worried Obi-Wan.
The Jedi Master had no idea of how much time would elapse before his or Luke's paths crossed again with Vader's and he wanted the boy to be as ready as possible for that confrontation.
Some spies had reported the Empire had launched a massive campaign to discover Luke's identity and find where he and Obi-Wan were hiding. He knew it was only a matter of time before the truth reached Vader's ears.
Obi-Wan had expressed his concerns to Qui-Gon, but his former Master had not offered him any teaching advice. He just kept on telling Obi-Wan that he was doing well and that Luke would come around at the right time.
Qui-Gon had also been unhelpful in soothing Obi-Wan's concerns about another, completely different matter.
The other reason that made him feel warmth on Hoth.
Leia Organa.
After their conversation on the observation deck of the Justice, it had taken Obi-Wan only a couple of deep meditation sessions to realize the attraction he felt for Leia had nothing to do with her being so similar to Siri.
Obi-Wan had loved only one woman in his life and after Siri had been killed during the Clone Wars, he had thought he would love her and her alone forever. But now- now he was no longer so sure.
Leia had entered his life with a bang and shaken many of his certainties. She was strong, determined, stubborn and as outspoken as Siri had been, but she was also completely different.
Obi-Wan did not love her – oh yes, because there was no other word to express what he felt – because she was like Siri. He loved her because she was herself.
Obi-Wan sighed as he continued his walk along the deserted corridors of the base. He missed the greenhouse of the Massassi outpost. He had liked it, and remembered with fondness the day Leia had showed it to him.
You are an old fool Kenobi, Obi-Wan told himself for the umpteenth time. Hoping for something that, for first, you should never hope for and, for second, will never happen for you are old enough to be her father.
The Jedi Master mused that perhaps, one of the reason he was confused was due to the fact he had never truly learned to confront his feelings.
For most of his adult life he had loved Siri, and felt sure and safe with that unconsummated relationship. It had been pure, true and strong. His body had reacted to other women, but his heart had never wavered.
Now, instead, that 'shield' had disappeared and Obi-Wan found himself fragile and unprepared to cope with long forgotten emotions like longing, desire, insecurity.
The control he had over himself was not as strong as it should be when he was near Leia—which happened quite often.
Leia liked to join him and Luke in the evenings, and they usually talked about the Clone Wars and how the Republic used to be. Her questions and observations were always pointed, showing the sharpness of her mind.
Other times, instead, she joined him during his walks and she would ask him about his life as a Jedi and the powers the Knights had thanks to the Force.
It saddened Obi-Wan to know the Empire had managed to eradicate the Jedi for the people's memory in just twenty years, but he welcomed the chance of having something to share with Leia during those long walks that had become so precious for him.
Obi-Wan shook his head. This was not good. He should stop behaving like that.
Yes, Leia liked him, but he was not able to perceive what kind of affection she felt for him.
He was not able because he always kept his perceptions under strict control when he was around her. Obi-Wan did not wish to discover she just suffered from hero-worship – although she did not seem the type – or saw him as a sort of uncle.
He preferred to keep his doubts and his hopes, no matter how foolish or irritating they were.