A/N : This… Took me… so long… to write…
I guess that's mostly due to the fact I was in school…
Not much to say (I don't want to give any hints, ahaha) but this story is centrally Subaru X Seishirou. If you can't handle certain levels of morbidity, I would highly recommend you don't read this. Though I can't fathom… why you would be reading X/1999 in the first place…
Well anyway, BIGBIG thanks to my beta, Rei Asakura who fixed up all 17 pages of this sector. Her stuff is awesome. She's just awesome. Go read her work. xD Thank you Rei! You're my favorite beta. ; .;
Please review at the end if you love/hate/want to express your feelings towards this ficcy. It took my blood and organs to write this. x.x
EDIT: Sorry. I didn't realise the stupid.. page seperator things... Would get cut out when I uploaded this the first time. It must have made it confusing for the first people who read it. But I fixed it now.
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Blank Cadence
By 0ri
Chapter 1 – Slumber (sector A)
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"Subaru…?"
The small dragon of heaven's voice murmured out in the doorway, even though he knew there would be no reply. He pressed his slender body to its frame, brushing his cheek against the smooth pine-wood, his ear and right hip in alignment with the door. He shuddered, bringing his hands up and rubbing them together, his body quaking with small shivers. It was freezing.
Sorata stood opposite of Kamui and shot a worried glance towards him, then moved his eyes back towards the door, his stare holding a steel-like grip, as if to penetrate the wood and look beyond into the room in which he knew the onmyoji resided with the look alone.
"Should I...?" Kamui asked, glancing, the word almost choked – he couldn't cry now, certainly not, it would do them no good, and the man beyond the door was in worse pain. Even so, the anxiousness of his gaze was profound and his usual demeanor was swiftly fazing into nothing but the asunder of what it once was; a vain attempt at calmness and collection of thoughts. He bit his lower lip – his upper teeth sinking into the pink flesh, almost hard enough so to cause bleeding.
Sorata nodded, standing back, pressing his body to the adjacent wall. Kamui held his breath, trying to steady himself. He opened the door.
At first, with the eerie stillness of the room and the frigid silence, the teenager thought that the room was unoccupied. He glanced around the Sumeragi's room – as blank and barren, as he'd remembered it – but something else now; the grotesque scent of blood and death, covering the walls, the floors, and even the ceilings. It was almost as if he could visualize the scent, so vivid it was as it descended onto his body. Inhale, exhale – he took a step back, cocking his head to the side. The angle and shape of the room were all familiar things – the small table, the futon in the corner, a shelf with a few books of various natures up against the wall; the room utterly still, the gathering dust a verification that its owner paid it no heed.
Kamui squinted his eyes as something tight and concentrated gathered in his chest and then burst, blanketing his whole body with small goose bumps. He trembled, rocking slightly, feeling Sorata's gaze on his back from outside in the hallway. He stepped to his left, towards the bookcase and to the futon – and the small spilling of light that had been once devoured by his shadow was quick to recuperate and flood the floor along with some of the opposite wall in a long, sharp rectangle of yellow. The mouths of the two windows were wide, as if they were breathing in synch with Kamui's own lungs – a soft invitation for the chilly night wind to pass to and fro as it pleased. The white curtains swayed with each frosted breath – a ballet of ghosts.
"Subaru…"
Kamui inched himself nearer to the futon, the image growing clear – the Sumeragi's body had become more slender; sickeningly so, as the mind had taken into a dank, void, binding stupor. He was lying on his left side so that he would have been facing Kamui if not for the other body, much larger then his, was in front of him, facing his right. The teenager was a little glad he'd be spared from gazing at the forever numb, lifeless eyes – even if the Sakurazukamori was, no, had been, an enemy, even if – looking at some one he had once seen alive, even if he'd wished the man damned and dead for all he had done, even, even so – for the petit dragon of heaven, it was all he could want, to not look at the bodies of the deceased.
Step by step, he walked, closer to the dying Sumeragi and lifeless Sakurazuka. A whine coiled within his throat, but he refused to release it as he looked upon Subaru's unconscious face.
A coma, unable to awaken unless by force; electrocution, but they had tried that, at least 4 times now – still, no reaction - as if Subaru himself had perished on rainbow bridge.
A catatonic state of mind, doctors said; professionals, who supposedly knew and understood the body and its functions - couldn't explain, could never explain - it was to be expected from such a trauma, Shiro knew –
But even the weak, very small pang of hope he had felt had been clawed from his grasping hands -Not responding to medication, not responding to nutrition, to people, to sounds, and even pain, they'd tried that, a small cut along Subaru's arm, and then a larger one – no such flicker of life as the other Seals had hoped.
5 days now, it had been… And Kamui was on the edge of his nerves.
"Subaru…" He kneeled down before the onmyoji, peering at the man from over Seishirou's body. Subaru's arms held the carcass in a vice-like grip, possessive and as tight as his frail state could allow. They hadn't tried to move the Sakurazuka yet, fearing the consequences – the whisper that it could result in a shock strong enough to Subaru's brain that would result in his death.
He drew himself closer yet, not wanting to touch the corpse. It was inevitable, however, as he stretched his body, flexing out his right hand to grasp his comrade's cheek. Kamui let a broken smile touch his face, eyes narrowing with sorrow as he trailed the tips of his fingers down the Sumeragi's jaw line, almost, but not quite touching his neck as he explored the smooth face – and then slithered back with a weak jerk, placing his hand down on his lap.
"I…"
Kamui bit his lower lip.
"Subaru… I know you've gone through so much pain, and I know that… You don't think you have anything to live for anymore, but…"
His voice almost split, and he gripped his own neck, smoothing the firm skin out as if to coax the whimper he wanted to release away.
"W-We need you, here… With us…."
He brought a hand to his chest, grabbing almost painfully at his own shirt
"N-no… I need you, Subaru. Can't you see that?" Kamui finally allowed the whimpers to escape, sniffling back a sob. His head bowed forward, and he moved his palms onto the wooden floors, digging his nails as much as he could into the furnishing, gritting his teeth together as he did. He scratched at it almost rabidly, shoulders trembling – and he coughed lightly, then let out a low, long wail. The teenager felt off-focused, dizzy with his sorrows, almost wishing he too could fall into a catatonic state. Over and over again, he had seen death being played, destruction – lives, hope, happiness shredded and ripped away, perhaps in the very flames – still birthing vastly – all throughout Tokyo. He didn't even want to wake up in the mornings anymore. Food was also some thing Kamui did not want to touch; and he had thinned in the past three days; constantly refusing nutrition from his comrades. There was just no way he could feel even a remote touch of joy with Subaru in such a state!
He suddenly felt a pair of hands on his back, frantically pulling at his sides so that he was tossed backwards into an embrace, and then jolted around. "K-Kamui! Are you alright!" Sorata asked, words rushed, worry scribbled all over his face – Kamui slowly shook his head, and leaned in close, resting himself into the Osaka boy's chest. "I saw you shaking – and I thought –"
"I'm fine Sorata… Physically…" He mumbled it, and it wasn't really meant to be heard, but Sorata caught it anyway. He sighed, and rained his fingers down his leader's wavy hair.
"I miss him too, Kamui." He paused, digging around his mind for the right words. "However… You need to worry about yourself too. Not just Subaru… He wouldn't want it, for you to be going mad over this."
Kamui's face was expressionless, unreadable – and he didn't bother replying, instead occupying himself by looking over at Subaru's face again, mostly hidden behind the Sakurazukamori's shoulder. It was still as blank as it had been when he walked in. He sighed, speaking quietly, "When I was in this same state – Subaru helped me. He's always helped me… But there isn't much… No, there isn't anything I've ever really been able to do for him. Nothing."
"That's not true, Kamui!" Sorata exclaimed, and the boy in question was slightly taken aback by the firmness of his voice. Sorata turned Kamui fully around - looking directly down at him, his usual comical expression gone and turned serious. "You and him were friends, weren't you? And you supported each other. I'm positive that Subaru-san greatly appreciated that! You may not think of it as a lot, but I think, if I were Subaru-san… I would have thought of it a great deal… " He searched Kamui's eyes for a change in expression, but the boy only looked sadder. Over what, Sorata wasn't too sure, but he continued. "Though I do not know Subaru-san too well… He seemed the sort of person who would think that way. Who would hold a friendship in high esteem."
Kamui's lips turned into a frown, and he glared at Sorata, snapping bitterly – "Well, he couldn't have given me much thought, if he's still this way, even when I beg and plead with him to wake up. Subaru may not need me, but I need him!" Kamui then jerked away from Sorata's weak grip, standing up and leaving the room. This conversation was pointless; Sorata hardly even knew anything about Subaru at all –
He frowned sullenly, hanging his head as he made his way down the long junction of hallways, passing by Yuzihira as he did, who gave him a curious, nonetheless worried look, and said, "Kamui-san—" in a questioning tone filled with concern, but he ignored her. By the time he reached his bedroom door the anger had phased into a slight anguish – and he shook his head, hoping slightly that the Seals would know enough to let him be for the afternoon. Kamui opened his bedroom door then, stepping into the room and swiftly shutting the door closed behind him. With a careless ease, he locked it.
Sorata stood still and rigid, repressing the urge to go after Kamui. The kid needed the time alone, after all this… He instead looked towards Subaru and the corpse, making his way over, a little nervous to approach him. Sorata had been horribly disquieted by Subaru's reaction to the Sakurazukamori's death – weren't they supposed to be enemies? And the other seals, with the exception of Kamui, had also been confused. What the hell was going on? Why had Subaru reacted in this manner to Sakurazuka's death?
He had known for awhile now that Sumeragi and Sakurazuka had had some thing to do with one another, in the past… But that's about as much as he knew.
Sorata wanted to ask Kamui, as did the other Seals, even Arashi – but they all weren't really sure if it was any of their places to ask, or if it was even Kamui's place to answer. They also didn't want to bring up the subject and further remind Kamui of Subaru's condition, the teenager was already being affected by it far too much.
"Why, Subaru-san…" The Osaka boy knelt down, wincing in distaste at the sight of the corpse. The rotting flesh was starting to smell… He disregarded it, inhaling deeply, shivering -- so cold – and he lifted his wrist, his large hand reaching out to stroke the side of Subaru's face, from the edge of his dulled green eye down to his jaw line. In the process of this, although he'd been careful to avoid it, the underside of his arm accidentally bumped against the Sakurazuka's head. Sorata flinched, an unknown fear gripping him instantly.
Sorata breathed slowly to control his rapid heart-beat, calming himself.
With a morbid curiosity flooding him, and a faint hope that the man might wake – a hope himself wasn't even really aware of – he moved his attentions away from his unconscious comrade, instead lightly touching Seishirou's dark hair. Just a flicker of his finger-tips, at first, but soon Sorata's became enthralled; by what, he didn't know; and his entire hand soon combed through the strands like a large brush, easily slipping through. It wasn't nearly as stiff as he'd expected, still holding that silky, smooth texture – but it did hold an inhuman chilliness to it; from the lack of body heat, and those damn open windows, no doubt.
Sorata pulled his hand back, shuddering, and stood; gazing down at the two bodies lying across the futon for an instant. He then busied himself with the windows, closing each of the two; moving slow and silently. His socked feet padding across the floor was the only sound as he then made his way towards a closet, taking out two large, neatly folded blankets.
He knelt before the two bodies again, putting one blanket mostly on Sakurazuka, and partially on Subaru, and the other blanket mostly on Subaru and partially on Sakurazuka. He smiled, though weak it was, at his accomplishment. Now they only looked as if they were sleeping in each others arms …
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There was nothing here; Nothing to see, nothing to do; or, more accurately, nothing worth doing or seeing. Rainbow Bridge was only a standing relic of what it once had been. The splendor and beauty of it had seemingly evaporated, leaving no traces, as if it had never existed at all. Though there was no wreckage, ironically, the structure itself was in perfect order – what then, was missing, Subaru questioned himself tiredly as one green eye darted around, the other eye a pale white, fogged by blindness. But there were no answers here, were there? It wasn't necessarily what the bridge had lost… more, what it was lacking.
The Sumeragi walked along the bridges sidewalk - edging himself towards the cold railing. He lifted his arm, feeling hesitant, but then shrugged it off as foolishness – and ran his hand down the slimy railing – still wet and cold from the morning's chilly showers. Subaru could see his reflection in the silver bar, dully gazing back at him.
He turned away from it.
"It's cold as death here – "he suddenly said, not thinking of the words before they were spoken. Subaru paused at his own statement, recollecting himself. No, there was some thing else there… Wasn't there? Yes, there was… some thing else…
Death, death – some one important had died here – and pain, so hot and rapid, like fire spreading throughout his mind and then frosting over in an instant, leaving him cold nor hot, but instead a clammy numbness – what was going on? Subaru gagged, nearly toppling over, mind reeling back – blood, oh god, there was so much of it, covering him, contaminating him, making him thick and sticky and wet – he felt sick – his arm was drenched in it, all of it, the body he had stabbed was swallowing his arm as it slid forward, energy lost – he fell to his knees, as if they'd snapped, clasping a hand roughly over his mouth – I killed him, I killed him -- don't scream, god, don't scream – Seishirou's dead body, lying in his arms, limp, broken, dead, the man gone from him forever – forever - gone, gone – gone ----
Subaru was falling now, and the wind rushed past him, whistling wildly around his ears and clothes. He watched himself with detachment as he dove down the wide black hole. He watched as all light was swallowed, as gravity took him away, and the small illumination grew fainter, tinier, until he was surrounded by a darkness that even camouflaged his own body. Subaru whimpered as an unknown terror firmly compassed him; causing him to twist, thrash; feeling himself still falling – would it ever end? – and he jerked with his motions, shaking roughly; body, mind and soul alike twitching with madness. Hands knotted in his hair harshly; pulling at it, grinding teeth together as he felt a wetness gather at his eyes and run down his cheeks. The wind roared louder as speed gathered with an uncanny force, and soon the young man couldn't even decipher how fast he was going as he plummeted downward – faster now, faster – until he was unable even to keep his eyes open as he tried calling, "S-Seishir—" but the screeching air tore his voice from his throat.
And then, as if he had never fallen – a pair of warm arms took that fear, tossing it away; enclosing him in a comforting, weak grip – and he blinked, not realizing his eyes had been closed until he opened them. He gazed up at the man holding him, startled – who was this person?
Some one very effeminate, he noted, as his eyes analyzed the man's slender face. Long twirls of blond hair fell in intervals around the persons cheeks, and a few bangs blocking out some portions of the man's almost cat-like pale eyes. He noticed immediately the dullness of those eyes, so much like his own now – but the curiosity of knowledge did not grow, and he simply turned his face from the sight.
The man lifted a frail wrist – so frail it looked as if a simple touch could shatter it – and brought his hand along the side of Subaru's face, the side that was turned towards him. He then shifted his position slightly so that Subaru could easily rest against his chest if he wanted. He did.
"Sumeragi Subaru-san…"
Subaru nuzzled his face into the persons clothing, wanting to seep away once more. Brattled, Kakyou shook the man's shoulders lightly, whispering with sternness, "Do not fade away on me – I won't be able to pull you back out of yourself again." And why should it matter to me if you can or cannot? Subaru hid himself in the strangers chest, eyes closed, breathing quietly.
"Who…," a sigh, he hadn't spoken to another in so long, and his throat was somnolent of the exercise – even if this wasn't really 'reality'. "Who are you?"
"Kakyou. Kuzuki Kakyou." The person answered him, voice soft again, matching his appearance. Kakyou involuntarily flinched at the recollection of telling some one his name – so much like how Hokuto had asked. But this wasn't Hokuto in his arms now, this was her brother. And although the two were physically similar, even with the boundary of gender pushing apart their individualities – this Sumeragi, in his arms, the 13th head, Sumeragi Subaru – he still resembled the woman he had loved. And it brought back a sheer flood of memories, and Kakyou squirmed uncomfortably as it piled up on his mind, crushing him. He mentally scolded himself. He was not here to cry about Hokuto. Hokuto was gone, and there was nothing he could do about.
Recollecting himself and his original intentions, Kakyou peaked down at the shattered Sumeragi, a saddened frown touching his lips. His unoccupied hand pet the soft black stands of Subaru's hair away from the front of his face. Subaru tensed, then eased, more so for his apathetic attitude then the acceptance of being touched by a stranger.
"I'm the dreamseer of the Dragons of Earth," Kakyou explained in the kindest tone possible - mildly wondering as he did how to go about this in the lightest manner, even if the subject he'd soon be pushing into wasn't exactly light.
Subaru didn't respond, merely acknowledging it in his silence. But Kakyou had expected that.
"I use to know your sister… q-quite well…" Kakyou prodded further. At that bit of information, Subaru did move, paralyzed at first – Hokuto, she was dead too, wasn't she? Yes, she is. He then shrugged his shoulders, stretching the numbed muscles gingerly, and quietly whispering back,
"She's dead."
"I-I… I know that."
"You know," the young mans lips twitched, but it wasn't really a smile, instead it was more of a mock of it. "…Seishirou-san is dead too…" He said the words more to himself then to Kakyou – a melancholic acceptance. Subaru pulled away from the strangers embrace, looking up at him with tired eyes, so frozen over, so broken. And with that, the man began to fade back into the stupor of his own dream realm, in his own twisted world, created by himself, only for himself –
"No! I need to tell you something," Kakyou grabbed at Subaru's wrist. Subaru merely stared back at him, and Kakyou winced. Some thing about that gaze made his head reel back, and made him want curl away, and leave this person to himself. Even if this was Hokuto's brother, even if he had watched all the outplays of the dragons of heavens and earth, knew their dreams, among a number of other things – he couldn't possibly predict what the Sumeragi might do now, especially in this state. Kakyou had a vague idea, of course, but that was all it was – a vague idea.
A deep breath. He couldn't hold stay in the preamble of this for too long. With all the hope he had left, he continued,
"There is a way…
A way you can bring Sakurazuka back…"
Subaru's eyes did not widen in surprise as Kakyou had expected – hoped – but there was a reaction, the parting of lips, as if the man might burst from the abruptness of the proposal, though his face still devoid of any emotions – but the dreamseer could see, the wheels were definitely working upstairs. Good. Now with his attention caught, the Sumeragi wouldn't fade.
"Why would you care if Seishirou-san came back or not?" He questioned, voice suddenly rigid and tight with hatred, a deadliness there that couldn't have been there prior to the Sakurazukamori's death. "Wouldn't this make you happy? He killed Hokuto."
Kakyou lowered his eyes. Although that was true, and as much as he disliked the Sakurazukamori for destroying probably what had been, the only thing in his life that was worth living for… Although that was true… The Sakurazukamori was worth a much bigger price alive then dead.
What would Kakyou get, through his revenge? To watch the twin of the woman he loved suffer, constant and droning, like an old movie being played on a black and white screen, rewound, over and over again – darkly repetitive, sickly repetitive, until the man in question passed off, faded into the murky twilight, at having suffocated on his sorrows? Hokuto was not going to come back whether the Sakurazukamori lived or died. And with that knowledge, there was no possibility for the growth of vengeance.
Then there was also the fact that Hokuto had died for Subaru's sake as well as Sakurazuka's.
He had done nothing for her, Kakyou had realized, out of the blue one day. He had given her nothing, and had only taken her warmth, because he had been so cold; that everything else had fuzzed out, and he hadn't realized he was in her dept for that warmth until after it was taken, and only until after she was gone. Still in that dept, even now. She had been everything to him – the meaning of existence – and he had thought, with a bitter smile; that if he just tweaked Subaru's fate – that he could – pay for that debt, if just a little bit. Kakyou knew Subaru's fate like the back of his hand. He had watched it, studied it, over and over, careful not to miss even the smallest of changes. He had seen what was in store for the shattered Sumeragi – he had seen Subaru, cuddling against the Sakurazukamori's corpse, seeking a response from Seishirou in vain, until he had fallen into the stupors of his mind. Kakyou had seen that Subaru, thanks to a certain Dragon of Earth (and not Seishirou) that he would soon be torn from that stupor, that the Dragons of Earth Kamui would offer Subaru Seishirou's position amongst the angels, and would also give the young man the knowledge that he could also take the Sakurazuka's place as the next Sakurazukamori if he wished. He saw Subaru oblige to it. He saw the blank terror in the Seal's Kamui's eyes, and with it came the dark creation of a domino effect amongst the Seals. It would terrorize them, all of them, but other then that, the change in Subaru's fate would not have much effect on the Final Battle since he kept his distance from it.
So, with that notion – the notion that Subaru's life wouldn't have much at all to do with the end of the world – that perhaps, because of that, maybe he could change it for the better? Hopefully 'destiny' would turn its attentions away from the Sumeragi, so as long as the boy was away from the apocalypse, it would not seek to fight against these changes.
Kakyou wished he could explain this all to Subaru, but time was limited. In approximately 52 minutes, 5 seconds, the Dragon of Earth would enter Subaru's dreamscape, offering the dark enterprise with nothing but an apathetic smile.
And the means of the spell would be a long and treacherous explanation.
"Hokuto wanted for you and the Sakurazukamori to be… happy together," Kakyou simply answered, knowing he could explain his reasoning for this in a few simple sentences. "She even died for that cause. I want her wish to come true too…" He traced his fingers along the man's face, feeling a strong tug, almost gravitational, towards the white onmyoji. They had both suffered from Hokuto's death, after all, and in saying that, they were at least a little similar… They had both loved her.
He released Subaru's wrist from the grip of his left hand, instead moving it to caress the frayed strands of dark hair. Those painfully similar eyes had softened once again, then burst into fire abruptly as the information was processed, narrowing, "Then tell me – " Subaru whispered eagerly, coming closer, close enough to touch Kakyou's knee and grab onto the cloth, "Please, tell me,"
There was such desperation in that tone that it made the dreamseer wince. He moved his wrist, tracing with his thumb the skin beneath the Sumeragi's one seeing eye, wondering how to start.
"I'm not much of an onmyoji, unlike you," he stared directly into those eyes, so strenuous, drinking in his every word, like a man with a scarce few drops of water in a dessert, "And if I was in your position, I would never be powerful enough to perform this spell. This takes a lot of power. May I… May I call you by your first name?"
Subaru nodded.
"Alright, Subaru-san, "Kakyou was careful to avoid the kun suffix, "If you are to perform this spell, you are one, manipulating death in itself – and you are two, manipulating destiny, your own fate as well as Sakurazuka's. This is going to be extremely dangerous, and it could kill you – no, it could even shatter your soul and damn you to hell for it. And if things go really, really haywire, you could shatter Sakurazuka's soul as well –" he was cupping those pale cheeks as he spoke, deciphering each reaction. Subaru had looked awfully saddened at the thought of Seishirou's soul being destroyed. But the expression was quickly erased as Kakyou began to talk again, "Are you willing to go into this knowing of those risks?"
There was a long pause, until Subaru finally, though quiet it was, responded. "It worries me, of course, but I…" the onmyoji shut his eyes, looking away, the hand clenched around the cloth tightening in near-agony, "If it can bring Seishirou back… my god, for that I," Subaru flinched as his hand sprang back with his body to cover his face, "For that, no price is too high; I won't perform the spell, if the chances of it… hurting.. Seishirou are high… But if I'm the only one who will suffer a consequences, then let me suffer them" Tears were running down his face now, in tiny rivers, and there was a long moment of silence as Kakyou waited for Subaru to compose himself again – he didn't want to disgruntle him any further. It didn't take long for the young man to get a grip back on his equanimity, surprisingly. Subaru's sobs were always so muffled, sometimes even deaf on ears, as if he were ashamed of himself for loosing to anguish. But there wasn't anything to be ashamed of… He'd suffered enough, certainly, to merit those tears.
"Are you alright?" Stupid question, Kakyou thought to second he asked.
"I'll… I'll be fine," Subaru forced a little smile on his face for the dreamseer, "If this works… Everything should be… …fine.
…Just tell me all that you know, and I'll do the rest."
"Alright." The dreamseer rubbed his temple a bit, forcing his own smile back, trying to lighten the mood a little. "Well, this is how it works…."
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Awakening from the subconscious of his mind proved to be a much more difficult task then Subaru had anticipated. Even though his head was still swimming from his lecture with Kakyou of the spell, Subaru had to push his thoughts of it away, fully giving his soul into breaking free of himself. And grieving for Seishirou's death wasn't an option, not now, when there was hope to thrive on; only a seed just yet, but Subaru would make sure it would turn from vine to bud to blossom, and if it didn't, he would simply whisk his life away – because if it didn't – he'd then know, truly, the extension of his worth.
He floated, aimlessly, searching, seeking, his breath caught, restricted in his 'throat' as he peered around the darkness with narrowed eyes as he felt himself lifting, further, further away from the dankness of himself, the warm hole he had created in the aftermath of the Sakurazukamori's passing. He moved leisurely, translucently; like a balloon in a windless sky.
It was sticky and warm, the second layer of his brain. And like a suction almost, it wished to push him back down; the falsity of a beacon; emitting a belied warmth. But he fought it. He wasn't a child anymore. He was the head of the Sumeragi clan, and he would not falter and shatter in the wake of hope.
Slowly but surely, the walls of his mind crumbled apart as he approached a blinding, burning illumination. And it swallowed him.
The next thing he knew his eyes were open.
The second was the clobber of pain that struck him.
Harshly.
He tried gasping, and then realized he could not; or could barely; his throat being so dry that it was too raspy to breathe through, his lips too cracked to open and accommodate with that action as well. Subaru tried calming himself, inhaling through his nostrils instead, but the gush of air made him choke anyway – and his limbs were so stiff and numb, and when he moved them, they felt like pieces of heavy plywood, awkward and irritating. The abruptness of these physical aches made his head spin as well – the room was dark – and he wondered for a dizzy moment if he was still in a cationic state.
But no, he could feel the floor beneath his body, and with a keener eye he identified the room as his own, the one given to him at the Imonoyama mansion.
He gained a little more poise as energy soared down his arms to his finger tips, giving free access to movement. The same thing was happening to his legs now, and he breathed in relief, regulating with it.
But then he paused. There was some thing so close to him; and he identified it, almost immediately. A body, a person.
Had some one… had some one been sleeping beside him?
Was that possible, that some one would care that much for him?
And then realization struck, making his throat scrunch inwardly with nausea… No, it wouldn't, couldn't be the first thing he'd see upon awakening, could it? No, it can't, don't, please – Feeling him self begin to shake; the first subtle touch of panic; Subaru tore back the covers, exposing the corpse.
The room was painted solely in blacks and grays; and to the untrained eye it would have been nearly impossible to recognize the form. But Subaru knew this man, loved this man, hated this man. This person was everything to him, as necessary to his existence as breathing air. Little light was provided in the room, but squinting, the onmyoji could make out the white lines trailing along the planes of Seishirou's shoulders, down his neck and through his silky hair, making it shine a beautiful silver glow, even in death. A shift of clouds beyond the windows in the sky exposed further delicious light, and it traveled, through the windows, as a large flashlight, and whitened the man's face, snaking around his upper body until it fully encompassed him in that color.
Subaru ached to see that face. Hands still shaking, he took a hold of Seishirou's shoulder, turning him from his side onto his back. He was unnaturally stiff, unaware and defenseless.
Subaru had briefly expected some thing dirty, disgusting and rotting, as if he believed life wished to traumatize him more then it already had. But upon gazing the features, Seishirou did not suit the look of a corpse at all. He looked very calm and still, as if he were in a deep slumber; one that would have come from massive exhaustion. Subaru could have easily lied to himself, told himself that Seishirou was only suffering from some powerful sakanagi (1), and that with a few days rest he would soon awaken again, mocking him, smirking all knowingly, cocky and cool and arrogant – and he would say 'why Subaru-kun, did you think I would die so easily?' And he would laugh.
"Why…" Subaru whispered hoarsely, some how soft even then, tears, real ones this time, making his eyes blink shut, so that they ran in long intervals down his cheeks. The onmyoji's white hands reached out, the muscles stretching, making him moan in torture – simple movement, and yet it hurt so much - and his torso and stomach were the worst of them, when stretched, they felt like they were being ripped, tingling most horribly, making his back shudder, throat swallowing only bitter aridity, but these things had little to no importance to the Sumeragi in comparison to what he was reaching out for.
He jumped a little when he touched Seishirou's face, as if having expected there to be a reaction – there was none – and he was soon rummaging his hands across the cheeks lovingly, though his hands were mildly sloppy from his shudders; straining for life, and more tears were falling – and he was whimpering out loud, a weak murmur in stillness. The whimpers grew louder and more strained as he shook Seishirou lightly, whispering words that jittered out of placement in their sentences, loosing and gaining meaning as they fell from his voice.
At that moment there was sound in the stillness – a drop of water, rippling a pond so it echoed out in silvery lines. He breathed in deeply, not wanting to be discovered just yet – no – he wanted some time alone with Seishirou. He wanted to be left to himself to clean the corpse up, wrap it in blankets, make it warm again – and if the seals thought he was insane for it – well, who really gave a damn? Certainly not he.
Despite these wishes, the noises grew louder, thumping in the corridors just outside his bedroom. His heart was pounding – so loud he knew some one would hear it. And with it Subaru's breath hitched a higher cord, straining; too much for his dried throat to handle, and he burst outright gagging, and cursed him self angrily in between coughs.
The sounds gained speed immediately, and within a seconds time the door shot open.
"Kamui!" It took one too many seconds too long for Subaru to register the voice as Sorata's.
And the light switch, which was quickly flicked on – burned his weary eyes – and they watered more then they already had been, and he twisted in the blankets, slamming his back against the backwards wall. He cried outright, a lone, sad syllable, not daring to open his eyes in fear of being burned again.
"S-Subaru! You're --- You've awakened – but how--- " Sorata ran to his side, and Subaru finally squinted his eyes a little open to get at least a little view of the Osaka boy now kneeling in front of him. There was profound worry scrawled over his countenance.
Why do you care about what happens to me?
"Oh god, Subaru – " What's wrong, Sorata? You look like you've seen a ghost. Subaru's eyes skimmed across Sorata's dark brown ones before once again becoming absorbed with the corpse again. He hands sleekly ran through Seishirou's dark hair; his face void of anything except for the hint of sorrow sketched in his eyes. Sorata inhaled deeply, and ungracefully stood, nearly falling over and then rushed out of the room to get help.
Subaru snuggled closer to Seishirou, drawing the man's head delicately up in his lap, still stroking the fine, dark hair.
Not even a few seconds later and the room was filled up with nearly all of the Dragons of Heaven – Subaru heard the word ambulance, some where, in the mist of it all – but ignored it as he focused on Seishirou. And he smiled, for the first time in a long time, though sad it was. Oh yes, he would see to it that the man came back, and by his life, he swore, it would be a smooth, efficient transaction. It would be. It HAD to be.
His thoughts were rudely intruded as some one jerked him away from Seishirou by his arm. Subaru squirmed, his efforts futile – he was far too weak, from food depravation, and his muscles were still so stiff from no movement – still yet he struggled, trying to get back to Seishirou, to get closer to him, where he knew instinctively he belonged. "N-no…" He shook his head, "Let go of.." A gasp, he couldn't fully grip his words, "..me, please, no, Seishirou --- doesn-" Subaru gagged on his own vocal cords, throat scrunching and opening, seeking some thing moist to sate it. Seishirou-san's lonely; he doesn't want to be alone!
"We need to get him to a hospital!" That was Kamui's voice yelling, wasn't it? Subaru searched for the person tugging on his arm with enough force to bruise it. He didn't need to look up into the face to know it was Sorata. He then was pulled more roughly, and he cried out again in sheer pain. "Sorata you're hurting him!"
"He won't stop squirming," Sorata called back, and Subaru's tired movements grew more sluggish and weak. It was because of this that the monk could pull him up into his arms as if he were only a small child, letting the Sumeragi lean against him as he attempted carrying him. But Subaru didn't want to be hauled away, and this fueled more energy. He squirmed roughly once more, reaching out to the corpse, Sorata's forearm pressing to his throat – making agonizing pain erupt there, but he disregarded it, just as well as he was disregarding everything else. Gagging, gasping, coughing, Subaru felt the wind being strangled from his lungs as he tried desperately to get a grip on himself once again. A few more people had entered the room now, and one in particular rushed towards him and took his arm with one hand, a syringe in the other, and briefly inserted an orange liquid into his body.
He continued to struggle whist the syringe was still inserted, and the glass needle snapped, causing blood to squirt out. The same man who had inserted it tried to get a hold his arm, but Subaru had twisted himself in Sorata's arms so that his back was down and his legs were folded. With his left leg he kicked Sorata squarely in the jaw, and was finally dropped.
Subaru tried standing, but found he couldn't do that, so tried crawling – a wave of fatigue came over him, pushing him down to the floor, beating at him. So heavy it was crushing him… And yet he still stretched out his arm to take the hem of Seishirou's shirt in his hand.
The world turned dark.
o
o
Subaru wasn't really sure when or how he had woken up.
Everything was so black, so bathed in shadows, and he was growing curious if he had passed out and awoken in the same day, after all, it had been night when he'd passed out. Annoying wires were curled beneath his skin on various parts of his body, an oxygen mask making his throat feel overly full and heavy. He wanted to wiggle away from it, rip the wires right from his body, the oxygen mask pulled from his throat; but it would probably set some alarm off, or some thing, and he needed some time to think by him self. He was also exhausted.
Alright, so, what happened? He ran a hand through his hair and cringed a little – it felt slick from his sweat. He needed a shower. He'd worry about that later. I was… wandering… on Rainbow bridge… Subaru closed his eyes and attempted relaxation, but at the same time making sure he didn't fall asleep. The pillows were so comfortable and soft…
…He would have sighed had that damned tube been not down his throat. No, I wasn't there. That was in my dreamscape. And then there was that man, with the golden eyes and white hair. Kakyou; that was it. And he told me that I could… that I could bring Seishirou-san back by the means of a black magic Chinese spell.
And so I came back. And I wanted to make sure Seishirou-san's body was taken care of, but some one… Sorata…
Subaru winced at the memory of kicking the man in the jaw. He meekly hoped he didn't cause too much damage. He couldn't recall the incident with too much clarity. It all seemed so blurry and vague; as if he were trying to depict an image in polluted water.
Then I was drugged… I think… And… and I fell unconscious, and here I am now.
He skimmed the room deftly. It was the same room they'd put Kamui after Shinjuku had fallen. Subaru shrugged his shoulders, trying to get some feeling back in his stiff muscles. His strength was returning incredulously slowly, but at least it was returning, he mused.
Subaru bit his lip nervously at the thought that he could have been out for days, maybe even one or two weeks, recovering. Seishirou's body needed to be preserved properly in order for the spell to work right. Of course, Subaru knew he was going to have to perform a healing spell for the injury on Seishirou's chest… But there was only so much he could heal, and decomposition wasn't one of them. Decomposition was some thing entirely different.
A shudder, like a trickle of water running down his spine, made the fine hairs on his neck stand. The image of Seishirou's corpse rotten was not a good one. And what if they'd burned him or buried him already, whist while he was asleep? Subaru shook his head and held in a whimper, any thought of getting a bit more rest violently shoved into the back of his head so more pressing matters could immerge to submerge him.
The onmyoji tore each wire and needle from his skin hurriedly. The machines in the corner were beeping louder, annoyance increasing, their ugly green and gray monitors almost scolding him, painstakingly bright in the black room. He recognized one machine as a heart monitor, and the needle was jumping excitedly up and down the screen. He didn't care if it notified anyone. It abruptly stopped as he pulled a wire that was (apparently) attached to it from his skin, making it shriek out a long chord that signaled the patient was dead. I can ask them what they did with him, Subaru thought briskly, and moved to grab the oxygen mask from the strap secured against the back of his head, undoing it swiftly, and pulled the flimsy plastic tube from his throat. Not without some raspy coughing and awkwardness, of course.
A moment of yelling some where in the hallway erupted, the volume of the noise gaining rapidly as it grew ever closer and closer towards the room he resided in. Subaru rubbed his throat in the meanwhile, swallowing carefully.
It wasn't long after this that a nurse rushed into the doorway with a few surgeons in tow. The first to reach him was the nurse – a petit woman who looked nervous as she moved along the edge of his bedside, scanning him hurriedly. Subaru squinted his eyes against the shadows; making out the relieved smile that split on her face at seeing he wasn't dead. One of the surgeons turned on a light, and his pupils dilated, making his eyes water. He brought his clenched hands up to the closed sockets and rubbed at them.
"S-Sumeragi-san! You gave me – us --- quite a scare there." She was referring to the other breathless surgeons. They must have run to make it by his side, he mused. "My goodness! Look what you've done," She took a hold of his wrist, creasing his movements along his face, and pulled the curtain-like hospital gown back a little more, examing with a slight pout on her lips the irregular crimson spots dotting along his arm; some marks larger then others. She looked up into his face, frowning, "And you pulled out the oxygen mask as well… You shouldn't do this, Sumeragi-san, you need to rest af-"
"Where is Seishirou-san?" Subaru interrupted. His voice held an intensity to it, but it was also some how weak at the same time. Raspy. The nurse flinched, but with his weakened and 'flat' vision, he couldn't be sure what expression she bore. He then interjected with questions once more, "How long? How long have I… Have I slept for?"
The nurse sighed. "For 2 days. This is the night of the second day." One of the white vestige men was coming up behind the nurse, turning to stand on her left side. With a single wrist he pushed his thin rimmed glasses up his nose, glancing over the Dragon of Heaven with the same quickness as the nurse, but with added professionalism.
Subaru was hardly noticing them as this information processed in his mind. Two days… Two days… Just as long as nothing was done with Seishirou-san, h-he… Should be fine… He couldn't bring himself to refer to him as a 'corpse'. Realizing the nurse hadn't answered his question once that thought was over; Subaru jerked his head towards the doctor standing beside her. "Do you know what was done with Seishirou-san?"
"The corpse, right?" Subaru flinched, but nodded. Hearing Seishirou being referred to so lightly and carelessly by a nameless face made him want to tear the doctor's throat out, in spite of his usual stoic nature. Especially as an object. 'The corpse'. "Imonoyama-sama said he would take care of it. He knew you would ask, and asked me to tell you not to worry. The corpse isn't being desecrated."
Subaru closed his eyes, thanking whatever god existed with all his heart and soul for being merciful on him, for the first time in over 10 years. Something pricked at his arm, and he flinched, opening his eyes. The nurse was reinstalling wires into his arm. The Sumeragi shifted, not enough to escape but enough to show that the contact wasn't wanted.
"You need to be hooked up, we need to monitor you." The surgeon supplied immediately. Subaru shook his head, whispering,
"There's nothing wrong with me. I just need to rest."
"You were in acatatonia state, Sumeragi-san, that's not some thing we can take lightly. Depression is not some thing easily controlled, especially not extreme depression, such as is the case with you." His voice was so robotic, not even the weakest hint of concern watering his expression or tone. Subaru shook his head, dispensing the man that did not care whatsoever about him.
He was used to not being cared for, so it didn't matter - Nine years worth of being used to it.
"You do," The nurse mumbled, totally unlike the doctor, immensely worried.
"I can rest more easily without those wires crawling under my skin." He turned his thinned face away.
The surgeon was rolling his eyes, wanting to say that plenty of people could rest just as well with wires, but it seemed to do the granted effect on him otherwise. There wasn't much they could do anyway, whether or not the Sumeragi slipped back into a catatonic state or not was his decision alone, no matter what sort of medical supplement they inserted into his body - it was practically useless in the face of powerful depression. Shaking his head, he said, "Fine, but if Imonoyama-sama complains, it was your choice. But no leaving this room without notifying anyone."
Subaru forced himself to smile, and it almost hurt to fake it so utterly. "Alright. Thank you."
The nurse perked up again as the surgeon began to leave, picking along the blankets of Subaru's bed, smoothing out the rumpled fabric. "At least let me bring you a glass of water and some food," She offered kindly. "Oh and," She remembered suddenly. "The other Seals seem really concerned about you. Should I notify them you've awakened, or would you like to wait until morning?"
"Til' morning." Was the weak reply, as Subaru relaxed himself and stared up at the canopy of the bed sleepily. "And no food, please. Just water is fine."
o
o
"Subaru! Thank god!" Kamui, upon sighting the onmyoji awake, had, quite firmly, placed him self on the vast river of blankets after near-flying over; squeezing Subaru tightly in an amorous hug the second he reached him.
The white onmyoji, taken aback, his hand shaking, rubbed Kamui's back gently while trying to get some air into his lungs with secrecy. Kamui was a lot stronger then he looked. Kamui noticed this (eventually) and jerked off, exclaiming, "Ah – G-Gomen nasai–"
"It's fine." Subaru smiled, wanting to show he was grateful for the affection he was being given but not necessarily bold enough to hug Kamui back. There was an awkward pause, and Subaru looked down at the bed sheets, half-wondering if he should enquire about Seishirou, while from the corner of his single green eye, glancing at Arashi, Sorata, and Yuzihira in the corner, who were observing the reunion. Had he been 16 again, he would have blushed. Thankfully he wasn't.
"How… How are you feeling?" Kamui whispered, reaching up to touch Subaru's face with his palm. Subaru immediately relaxed, closing his eyes lazily. Some thing about Kamui – perhaps it was his magical aura, or his kindness – or maybe a mixture of the two – but some thing was there that made him feel at ease, almost enough to be called peaceful.
"I'll be alright with some food and rest." He softly spoke, opening his eyes. It was a lie, but it made Kamui smile, and for that it was worth it.
"Have you eaten yet?" Sorata questioned, stepping forward and moving towards the bed. Subaru inwardly winced at the sight of the blue and black bruise running along the man's jaw line.
"Sorata –" He began, "I'm so sorry for hurting you, I ---"
"Oh! This! Ahaha," Sorata began laughing, but Kamui was giving him a weird look, so he silenced. "No, no, it's alright Subaru-san. I've certainly been through worse then a little bruise. I'm just surprised you had it in you!" His Osaka accent was practically ringing as he spoke. Kamui continued to glare at him for acting so frenzied when Subaru had just come out of a catatonic state. But Subaru didn't seem to mind; and because of his damaged vision, he couldn't see Kamui's expression either. Sorata waved his hand cheerily, "That was quite a hit too! Nearly broke my jaw!"
Subaru's eyes widened for a second, and then immediately looked pained. "I did--? I'm so sorry—"
"No, no! That's a good thing!"
Kamui was glaring more fiercely, his amethyst eyes just hinting into a vicious yellow. Sorata, shut the freaking hell up.
Sorata, finally taking the hint, silenced; except for the embarrassed expression on his face. He scratched the back of his neck unconsciously. Subaru, confused, looked between Kamui and Sorata – but Kamui was no longer adorning a look of menace. Shrugging it off, Subaru decided to ignore it, and instead dipped backwards into the comfortable, engulfing ocean of blankets, snuggling profoundly into the fabrics waters. He sighed contently, half-wondering when he should enquire about Seishirou… Perhaps he should wait… Yes, he'd wait, he decided; until he could speak with Kamui more privately on the matter. It wasn't in his taste to get the other Seals involved; especially when they knew so little about his relationship with Seishirou.
He closed his eyes, fatigue settling over him like steam on thick glass. He had to relax; Subaru's mind was fuddled; with anxiety, depression, and flat out fear. But nothing would happen, if he didn't go along with his actions, hoping for the best… Nothing would change at all if he didn't force things to change. He'd learn that… A long time ago.
"Hey, um," Sorata perked up cheerfully. Subaru didn't bother opening his eyes though; he could sense everyone's presences well enough to keep them closed and know exactly where they were in the room, and what they were doing, even slightly to a weak extent as what they were feeling… He didn't linger in the feelings of guilt at the knowledge they were all mildly worried. He was more concerned about Kamui; whose presence was a thick, strong concentration of electricity and an extrasensory such a bright purple in Subaru's mind that he was momentarily blinded from focusing on it. He was so attuned with Kamui, being a Dragon of Heaven, they all were – an attraction, practically magnetic, drawing him in from the base of his chest, down his back and across his shoulders, tugging him, like a doll that was harnessed and being tugged by a brunette leather strap; so secured on his body it was enough to cause deft pain if he didn't accommodate with that tug, that pull – and that electricity right now, sparking, little flecks of turquoise in a white shell, prickling at the porcelain, orbital exterior; as if they were small flashes of lightening striking the surface of a vast pond--
"Subaru-san," Subaru tore himself from his thoughts, peaking his eyes open a bit. "You haven't eaten yet, have you?" Sorata questioned, hovering over him – when did he move? – And was staring at him with a concerned gaze.
The onmyoji shook his head.
Sorata reached over, patting his shoulder sympathetically, while breaking out into a grin. "Well! The girls and I will make you some thing yummy – you too Kamui –"his voice was almost reprimand, "You haven't eaten much lately either." Then he was back into the usual enthusiasm; instantly. "Nee-chan, Yuzuriha-chan, let's make them a meal they won't soon forget!"
Subaru shook his head, wanting to scoff, but also wanting to thank Sorata for his kindness. Not deciding really on either, he instead turned away so that he was lying on his right side, facing Kamui – who had moved a bit from the bed and was now leaning his back on the directly opposing wall.
They both waited for the others to exit before catching one another's stares.
They spoke each others names at the exactly the same time.
"Ahh- "Kamui blushed. "Sorry, you first."
"No, no, that's alright. I can wait."
Kamui sighed, settling himself down at the edge of Subaru's bed once more; looking the onmyoji over with a clear, acute stare. Subaru knew what he was going to ask before he asked it.
"Why... did you come back?" The tiny, effeminate fingers, much like the Sumeragi's own, reached out tentatively – lightly stroking along the forearm that had been re-wired to medical equipment that morning with a single pale thumb. Kamui then stopped, stiffening significantly, and growing upset as he whispered – "Not that I didn't want you to. No. I'm just so happy that you did, but I…. I just… I thought… "He whimpered, leaning in closer, "Subaru…"
Subaru messily dug in the boundary's of his mind for an appropriate answer. He knew what he wanted to say – but the words were sundered, seemingly out of reach, their chips and pieces dropping away from an unfathomable height in a hasty mess.
Those large violet eyes were nerve wracking; two puddles of exquisite color, shining, ever bright; liquefied purple flowers blooming.
God, those eyes…
"I… Have a wish again."
Kamui's eyes widened, and he mouthed airily, "You do?"
Subaru bit his lower lip, nodding. "Yes, I do."
Kamui pulled gently on one of the many blankets encompassing Subaru. "Well?" He asked, hopeful, his spirits suddenly higher. "What is it? This wish you have realized you have?"
He thinks it doesn't have to do with Seishirou… Subaru licked his dried lips, and stared down. Even now, when he's gone, my existence… means nothing without him… I'm sorry Kamui. I shouldn't have let you get so close with me… I'll just end up being a disappointment for you.
I'm sorry.
He really didn't want to endure the regret that would surely show on Kamui's expression at his oncoming statement. But there was nothing else that he had to say…
Nothing else to be said.
Subaru inhaled, his nerves making him shutter.
"There's a way for me to bring Seishirou-san back."
Kamui's eyes widened at first - a contrast to what Subaru had expected. But then they were – what he expected – that flinch, the distaste towards the idea, and the swirl of abundant remorseful pity. Subaru felt the hand that was gripping the sheet so near his side clench more tightly. "So what? Are you going to bring him back, so he can kill you?" Kamui whispered, seething, water welling up in his eyes- he jerked his face away, hissing, "Is that it?"
Taken aback, Subaru stared for a moment before recollecting himself. "No, no. That's not it." Unless Seishirou-san wants to kill me after the spell is performed… I'd oblige to any wish he had. Better not say that though. "Seishirou-san, he…" Subaru felt his teeth digging into his lip, but didn't notice how hard he was doing it until he drew blood. He covered his lips with a hand, shutting his eyes, murmuring so softly that it was nearly impossible to hear; "Before he died… He told me… He loved me." He voice choked on the last syllable, and he shut his eyes more firmly – all that pain, he was drowning in – climbing, higher an higher, a monstrous wave against him, pounding him down into jagged rocks, swallowing him, only to do it again – Tears leaked from the corners of Subaru's eyes, and he trembled as they fell. He felt a small body wrapping around him, concealing his arms against his own body, the hold of a warm embrace – Subaru shook his head, burying his face into the crook of Kamui's neck, sobbing. "He said he loved me!" He whispered, hysterical, shaking his head, voice practically shrieking. "After so long… I couldn't even… I couldn't even, never did anything to make him feel happy; and he just died with those words on his lips… And I… I feel so horrible… He may have killed—" Subaru gasped, quaking, "He may have killed my sister, he may have put me through a living nightmare – but he didn't even know – didn't understand at all, and there was nothing for him with what he was doing, he just did it because he could. "
Subaru whimpered, finally calming, and he concentrated himself on the small fingers streaming downwards and back up his back; so soothing… His throat shook as a few last tears watered his face. The last sentences he spoke were more to him self then to Kamui, as if he hadn't quite accepted them yet – the searing fact that he was completely incapable of despising Seishirou. "I should hate him… I know I should… But no matter what I do, I… I still love him so much more…"
"Subaru…" Kamui breathed into his ear, and Subaru shuddered, burrowing against Kamui's slender neck.
Kamui wanted to offer every amount of comfort he could – to tell the Sumeragi it was alright, would be alright – but how would that bring any comfort at all, when they both knew well enough it was only partially true?
So instead he settled for running gentle caress along Subaru's back, drawing his lips back tightly in a half wince as the tips settled along the hard bone of the spine, just peaking from the skin and over the cloth. He stroked it gently, sighing, closing his eyes and enjoying the lush that was Subaru's warmth – his broad body, settled against his own… He made a snap decision in his mind – No, don't even think of it like that, Subaru doesn't need to deal with it right now – He shook his head, and when the onmyoji finally seemed to have calmed, he pulled back, forcing a smile.
"Alright?"
Subaru's head was bowed, a sweep of dark silken hair over his pale features. He fingered at
the bed cloth, then looked up, trying to return the smile but unable to.
o
Chapter 1 – Sector A – End