Blank Cadence

by 0ri

For the first time, in a long time... Sumeragi Subaru had hope.

3. Slumber B

Warnings: Two slightly disturbing scenes, boys cuddling, small amount of vulgarism.

A/N: My god… Finally… I've finished chapter one.

Chapter two is going to be… fun.

And thanks again to my beta, Rei Asakura, who is really supportive and a great friend. And of course.. fixes up all my grammar and spelling.

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Chapter 1 – Slumber (Sector B)

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Subaru followed Imonoyama down the dark corridors of the laboratory lethargically, his green and white eye flickering, watching purple shadows dance across the bare wall – and then turned to look at the other side, the long rectangular windows covering the opposite, winding downward as the hallway sank and spiraled slowly, unraveling itself to the two men. Imonoyama cast a glance back at Subaru, half-smiling, looking a little perplexed, and Subaru stared at him briefly, before turning his face back to the windows.

Past the glass boundaries were scientists - working frantically in darkened rooms - large machinery lying sprawled out before them; cords like enormous snakes wound about the room, uncoiled and flaccid - some smaller wires snaking out beside them, beneath them – blue, blacks and grays, and the floors a gleaming white marble, turning grey in the shadows. Subaru mutely pondered what they were up to – but he wasn't about to ask - he wasn't eager to participate in a conversation with Imonoyama-san. Despite the fact the man had done so much for him, as well as for all the dragons of heaven (am I even one anymore, Subaru wondered melancholically), they'd never really spoken to each other, and knew very little to nothing of one another.

Instead of musing that brief earlier question, he continued staring at the men in white suits as he walked onward, his green eye shutting closed every few seconds from strain – then back open, as the colors danced in a fluid sonata about his lips and cheeks, catching in his green eye, making it burn with the reflection of color. Hues of those large screens, of the devices that were being reassembled – most of them resembled large movie theater screens. The onmyoji looked away, suddenly uninterested by the display, instead contenting himself to watch as Imonoyama pulled out a long strap with keys, swinging it, making them jangle in the nerve wracking silence. Subaru's pulse was a dull beat in his own ears.

Finally, they reached a break in hallway. A break on their left, right, and then straight on – all three were shortened, padded hallways without windows, leading to metal doors. Since Subaru was blind in his left eye, he had to turn his face to examine the other door, but it didn't matter that he did since Imonoyama was edging towards the one ahead, one hand digging through the chain of keys as he did. Subaru slipped along the wall, his back resting against a particularly large cushion of the parlor padding, biting his lip and not watching as a silver key was inserted into the long door handle and the door pushed inward with a slight grunt.

The onmyoji shivered, blinking, inhaling deeply, his heart acquiring a faster pace, as the silver light created a deep mauve puddle on the floor. He stepped into it, doing his best not to look too fretful. Imonoyama looked back at him from over his shoulder as he held the door ajar.

"Are you certain you want to..?"

"Yes."

There was no further interrogation. With a sigh, Imonoyama beckoned the Sumeragi in with his large hand, who, after a second's pause, obliged, his slender form angled and sliding past the man elegantly.

The room wasn't at all much different from the ones he'd been observing earlier, Subaru noted, glancing around, his concentration far more fixated on located some thing (some one) of greater importance to him then the décor of the laboratory. The scientists all stiffened from their work at the sight of Imonoyama and the onmyoji.

A chill raked through the Sumeragi's body, entwining with his tingling nerves and squirming insides, and he rubbed his arms, trying to smooth out the forming goose bumps, along with the speed of his pulse. The room was freezing. Along with a deteriorating temperature, it was incredulously black in the laboratory, as it had been with the others, save for the large bits of machinery that were turned on, providing the only lighting.

"Cold!" Imonoyama exclaimed, rubbing his hands together while looking around. He moved in brisk, quick steps, as if trying to escape the frigid air - while approaching a short, stubby man with a notepad. They both exchanged bows, and the man took a quick glance at Subaru before whispering some thing to Imonoyama, who nodded.

The scientist then brushed past him, and made his way towards Subaru. "The thirteenth head, it's a pleasure," he murmured, bowing his head.

Subaru returned the bow, though said nothing.

"Let me lead you to him – " The man offered, giving a slight, wan smile as he straightened. Subaru sighed in relief. Thank goodness, no more formalities.

It didn't take long for them to reach their destination. It was rather difficult to see in such a poorly lit room, and Subaru's eye continuously blinked in aggravation – even though both appeared to be strained; only one of them was. He shut his glass eye, rubbing his fingers over the lid, and then pulling his hand back, barely acknowledging the subconscious movement. He still wasn't used to it.

They both moved through an ample open doorway, and the temperature disintegrated downward even further. Subaru shakily breathed, watching the ghostly powder air forming in a wispy puff at each exhale about his pale lips. Thankfully, this room was much better lit, a white illumination coating the interior, though it still was a strain to see properly, if now for being too bright.

Subaru stilled.

There was a long, container-like piece of equipment centered in the middle of the room, at least 8 feet in length, 6 feet in width, and another 3 feet in height. It was hued a striking dull blue, as clean as new glass, and cast off every reflection, glistening at every movement, shining back each reflection like a newly polished mirror. Subaru stared, biting his lip; but from his poise and angle, Subaru was unable to look into it, to loom over and see what he wished to – what was locked inside. The scientist turned back, nodding, allowing what he knew the other wanted – and Subaru stepped forward, whispering the kindest thank you (though a bit hastily) he could muster before he slowly - apprehensively - thinned the distance between himself and the container.

It was freezing to the touch, and frost had gathered along the edges of thick lid on top, sealing it further shut. Subaru trailed the back of his wrist across it, wiping the moisture and frost from the edges, ignoring the searing sensation of bustling coldness that numbed in a powerful slap of sensation, right along the backs of his hands. He then leant downward, shifting the sleeve of his long black shirt around so that the arm of it slid down to his hand. Tucking the fabric against his palm, he brushed at the glass, revealing what was inside.

He bit his lip harder, forcing himself not to turn away in horror.

Seishirou looked like a manikin. A frozen, life sized doll, with pale blue lips and hair that was unrealistically shimmering from the thin crystalline ice that had gathered and coated him in a slim film. His lips were glossy with frost, as if some one had applied a lotion to them, as did the rest of his face – completely inhuman-looking, android and robotic-like. Or even… he could have been a sculpture, lying there, a doll, flaccid, rather then a real human, and Subaru suddenly had a distant, although powerfully compelling urge to pry the lid open and touch the face, just to be certain it was real – he could already feel that slick, biting coldness of ice as he massaged the jaw of the dead face -

He stopped his hands as soon as they started fumbling with the lid, using all the self control he had to ball them into fists and shove them in his pockets, looking away, feeling unshed tears in his one eye.

Seishirou…

He blinked his eyes open, placing both palms firmly on the glass.

I'm going to get you out of there. I'm going to get out of there, and bring you back here...

... here with me….

I swear it.

Subaru looked behind him, back towards the doctor who was staring intently, propped up against the cold wall. He'd practically forgotten the man was there. Regaining himself, he turned fully to face the man, removing his chilled hands, and bowed his head in true gratitude; a deep bow, not a mere tip of his head.

"Thank you, for all you've done."

The doctor nodded, giving a small grin, though the onmyoji didn't see it.

"It's the least we could do, after all, you're a Dragon of Heaven - you've earned to be treated with the utmost respect. Imonoyama-san thinks so as well." Subaru glanced hesitantly back at the tank after rising, though didn't turn his body towards it otherwise.

"When would you…" He was choosing his words guardedly. "Like us to… move him?"

The onmyoji was much more grateful for the carefully chosen words then he allowed to show.

"I'll contact Imonoyama, who will in turn contact you. I'm not sure when." He licked his lips, which had abruptly gone dry. He'd seen all he'd wanted to.

"Alright then. We'll take good care of him." Subaru's white and green countenance wandered back to the man in the white suit. He faltered for a moment. "Promise." The man smiled. The onmyoji's stare was still barren, but he soon moved, walking towards the other. The man patted him on the back when the onmyoji reached him, a tranquil reassurance, and then

guided the young man out of the room.

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In a matter of hours, Subaru Sumeragi had gathered every book that had any information regarding Chinese spells, or black magic in general that had been in close proximity. Unfortunately, this certainly wasn't a lot, of course – not in his retrospective, anyway, but enough to cover a good amount of space on his desk and on his bed. Well, of course it wasn't a lot, Subaru thought… All the magic the Seals used was clean in a sense, pure, like clear water, as opposed to the murky, menacing poison dark magic was. To Subaru's surprise, it'd been Sorata who'd had the most books expanding on black magic, explaining in glee as he dumped what he had in Subaru's arms, "it's always good to know your enemy!" Subaru shook his head. It was good the monk didn't ask any questions, and just seemed content enough that Subaru was doing "much better" now. The onmyoji scoffed.

He'd also pulled out a few of his own books off their long ago disregarded shelves, cleaning the dust off with his sleeve hastily as he flipped through them, their old bindings creaking in protest as he skimmed their glossaries. He'd seriously doubt there was anything in his own area of magic that could give him some more information regarding the spell… After all, this was deep, very intricate, dark magic. He chucked the book back on the shelf, almost angered it would be of no use.

He did not permit himself to rest for any amount of minutes, as he recalled Kakyou's clear warnings –

"If you wait too long, the spell will be impossible to perform, because the Sakurazukamori's soul may have strayed out too far from grasp. And if he were to be tugged at such a distant, it would cause him immense pain, enough to simply kill him again upon awakening."

Subaru thought there was some thing more to that – that he could, if he willed, cause Seishirou enough damage to even his spirit, his essence, and ruin his soul. He shuddered at the thought, clenching his teeth together and digging through books, the ones that proved useless already thrown on the floor, bindings splayed out like the wings of broken birds. Their pages flapped in protest when the rare breeze willed its way through Subaru's open windows.

He also knew that he couldn't allow Seishirou's body to deteriorate, because at that point, healing abilities wouldn't work, unless mingled with the cruelest of alchemy.

Subaru shook the thought off. No.

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Taimaiso was the spell's name. To Subaru, that was puzzling, considering the names of Chinese spells were usually rather short. That and the fact it did not sound very much like modern Chinese. But the spell was old, pulled from ancient times, and Subaru figured it had sounded like what modern Chinese was at that time - when it was created, or discovered, or whatever the case may have been.

The sun wasn't even setting, and Subaru had finished up with all the books in his room, deeming them all inadequate. He piled Sorata's books up (he hadn't put these on the floor earlier) and placed them on his desk, making a mental note to return them when he had time.

Just noticing how far the sun had risen, Subaru moved the short distance from his futon to the window, looking out at the near cloudless, pink and burgundy sky. He sighed, a breeze brushing his bangs away from his forehead, like the caress of a soft hand, slicking back his hair… He leaned his stomach to the windows railing, ignoring the press in his abdomen, weaving an image in his stupor of Seishirou's fingers, skimming across face, fleeting touches that were hardly discernible, so like the gentle breeze, a loving, elegant press he could sleep to – an amorous lullaby on his skin. Subaru's face scrunched, contorted with pain, as the wind swept away, destroying his illusion. His eyes peered open, and he shifted from the window pane. The onmyoji knew he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight, or any other night beyond this one, until he was through. Also knowing he would need some serious caffeine, or form of intoxication to keep him up for the amount of time he intended to stay up, he exited his room, shutting the pine door carelessly behind him, and walked down a flight of stairs, moving towards the living room in brisk motions.

Luckily, it was empty. That was right – everyone one was at school. It seemed so odd, that he was the oldest of all the Seals living in the Imonoyama mansion. Subaru sat down at the dinning room table, his elbows pressed to the surface, a cheek resting against a single palm, as the other hand tapped the table, constructing a small beat on his tendons.

He contemplated the situation. Kakyou had mentioned a few books to him, but he wasn't sure where he could locate them. He'd probably find some at the clan library in Kyoto… But he wasn't eager to travel all the way there, and he also didn't want to be drawn back by his grandmother. He sighed, rubbing his temples, standing up and getting himself a glass of water. With his free hand, he plucked at the pack of cigarettes in his jeans.

Cool water traveled down his throat, sating him. He sighed.

Looks like he'd be making a trip to Kyoto.

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The train whistled; a screech of a sound, as black smoke puffed out in large quantities from its chimney. Subaru was watching it expel into the air from his seat within the train cart - watching the clear sky as it turned smoldering with pollution before it thinned, only to disintegrated out into a warm French grey, and as the people at the station paid it no heed – men in suits with briefcases, brightly dressed girls on colorful cell phones, jabbering wildly, a group of children poking at a balloon, giggling - people laughing, talking, moving along – in an endless ventilation of life.

Subaru shook his head, turning away, as the train station grew into a blur as the machine moved onward. He looked around the cart thoughtfully, examining the people with dulled eyes. A woman, looking in her early 20's, maybe even a teenager, was staring at him, which took him by slight surprise. She quickly averted her face upon being discovered, a nervous thrill on her face, while whispering some thing to her friend next to her, the two of them giddy as they spoke to each other. Subaru caught the words 'him' and 'sexy' in the midst of the conversation. Had he been 16 years old, he would have blushed furiously, but since he was not, he merely turned his attentions away, fumbling around with his pack of cigarettes, suddenly wishing for a smoke. The girls were still giggling, and he could see them peeking glances at him still at the corner of his one good eye.

He opened the pack and closed it.

Sorry girls,

He slipped a cigarette in and back out.

But I'm gay.

The ride itself proved to be most uncomfortable, since more then half the time, those girls were watching him, their eyes alight with inquisitiveness, ambiguity, and a mischief that painfully reminded Subaru of Hokuto. It made the onmyoji want to flinch, and after a few more minutes of dealing with it, he simply chose to completely focus on the movement of the cart, watching idly as the towering buildings grew into grayed blurs and smudges. Trees sprang, seemingly out of no where, and the sunset was settling in a red, bloody horizon, making the onmyoji uneasy. Subaru outlined his own weary reflection in the glass, tapping at it with a pallor hand, flexing the finger out to curve around the image of his jaw line. He hoped this wouldn't take long, and then pondered back shortly to the note he'd left on the dining room table for the seals.

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Making a trip to Kyoto to visit the clan library. If you need to contact me you have my cell phone number. I should be back by tomorrow.

-Subaru

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The Sumeragi's only real reason for leaving a note was the obvious fact that all the Seals were fretting over him. It was uncomfortable, and annoying, but he knew they meant no harm. But it seemed like they thought he could slip back into a catatonia state if left alone for too long, and thus, were giving him extra care and attention (That is, whenever he decided to leave his room). Sorata had actually implied on him seeing a psychiatrist. Subaru both marveled and winced at the ridiculousness of the notion. No psychiatrist could fix his problems.

What seemed like minutes to the onmyoji's eternal cycle of musings - was hours. Subaru drew back and forth between thoughts of the Seals, regarding them all and their caring for him with gloomy melancholy, before he was back on musing of Seishirou, the spell intermingling in between. The train slowed as it reached its stop, and Subaru stood, his feet half-asleep, still groggy from the ride as he tentatively edged down the slender hallway and off onto the platform. The night air was a cool tickle along his skin, trickling down the back of his neck like a chilling liquid, ruffling out his shirt. He shivered helplessly, momentarily aching for his old coat - the one that had been ruined on Rainbow Bridge.

He shuddered, blinking out in the night, whisking a mosquito away from his face as he strode from the platform to a row of booths, his eyes trailing across the signs that listed when trains would be arriving and leaving for various destinations. The place was surprisingly vacant. " 6/12 – 3:00pm – Tokyo " caught his attention, and he looked at the man sitting at the booth, looking bored, a magazine in his hand and a cigarette in his mouth.

"Uh… Excuse me, sir?" The man looked up. Subaru looked back up at the same time, and pulled his wallet from his jean pocket, flapping the leather that sealed it apart. "Could I purchase a ticket for the 3pm train to Tokyo?"

"All alone?" The gruff voice ask, the bulky figure standing from his spot, stretching his arms.

"… Yes."

Subaru paid for his ticket, glad to be done with that, and walked off from the oddly barren station, his boots clinking against cold cobblestones. He reached the end of the vertical row of booths, moving to a pay phone, and entered it, the glass creaking as the door folded inward and then closed. The onmyoji pulled out his cell phone and dialed the clan's number, his other hand folding the ticket and placing it in his pocket.

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His grandmother had been most surprised when he'd called, her usual stoic voice pausing, though she agreed to calling out a limo to pick him up. In a matter of minutes he was at his old home.

Subaru had almost forgotten what the place had looked like… He walked the pathway down the Koi ponds, the small greenery dripping with dew drops, as the man who'd driven him lead him to the traditionally styled home, humble, speaking, but the onmyoji wasn't listening.

Finally, the man shooed himself away when they reached the open doorway, his grandmother sitting in her wheelchair, looking over him neutrally. "Come inside." She offered, looking off to the side of her where a girl was standing, who hopped up at being notified and shuffled to the wheelchair, pushing the old woman carefully indoors. Subaru removed his shoes, and then followed shortly thereafter.

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Thankfully, his grandmother hadn't been much inclined to speaking and prodding and 'I wish you well' tonight. Subaru immensely doubted she even knew about the catatonic state he'd been in. They'd gone straight to the point, Subaru immediately telling her he was simply there to use the library, and his grandmother, not questioning, had calmly conducted a trusted servant of the clan to fetch the keys for the room and lead the 13th head there. Useless propriety, Subaru had thought. He knew where the library was.

Subaru's eyes wandered around the massive room – well, some of it had changed in here. It was a dome shaped; unique from the usual traditional homing styling of Japan, and paintings on the wall spiraled in a creamy substance, twirling down from the tip of the ceiling to the ivory carpeted floors. The carpets were all very obviously hand-made, birds scrawled into the fabric seams, their beaks open, appearing to be screeching and crying out, which was ironic considering libraries were supposed to be a representation of tranquility. There were a few addition of shelves, since Subaru had been here last – shelves custom-made to match the room, propped up against the wall, curved to lean against it, their black feet placed in front of them - keeping them from toppling over. It was still a miracle books didn't continuously fall out.

The servant looked at Subaru, waiting for a second, to see if the man would command him, and then turned away, flicking on a switch. Illumination filtered across the shelves in an instant, brightening the neutral grays into their natural yellow and creamy tint, dim pastel light roaming hungrily down the walls like paint. They'd installed some technology in the room… Subaru recalled when he was younger having to light candles before entering this place.

"You may leave." He said calmly, and the servant bowed.

"Thank you master Sumeragi." The man handed Subaru the keys. "Would you like me to lock the door?"

"No, just keep it unlocked, "Subaru half mumbled, his eyes not even looking at the servant anymore, as he squinted to observe some titles. There has to be some thing here I can use, he thought desperately.

"…Good day then." Subaru heard the rough slide as the glass doors slid open and were shut.

The onmyoji sighed, steeping forth, to the center of the room, which was barren. There was only a single window in the room, a good few feet across from him, revealing the deep shadow of the night; devoid of clouds, but bursting with the speckled dots of stars and a tiny crescent moon, half hidden behind clouds... Subaru approached it, skimming over the oval-shaped glass... Night made Subaru think about a lot of things – it made him reflect on lonesome times, sitting in an empty apartment, scrawled across his bed in only a flimsy T-shirt and shorts, cigarette in hand, as he peered up at the sky and wondered mutely if a certain some one else was looking at the moon as well… It made him think of a distant memory, so far away from him that he could barely outline it, like gold hidden in black water… A night spent in Tokyo Tower in the arms of some one strong and warm, making him feel wanted, protected. A day even further from that; with a person whose imagemirrored his own - green eyes excited and beaming, as they took his hands, pointing eagerly, ranting on how nice it would be if there was a moon every night to look at…

Subaru shook from his reverie.

There was no time to waste.

He jerked himself away from the window, and began stalking around the shelves.

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It was, without a doubt, the best thing that had happened to him in years.

Well, probably not the best… But Subaru was still incredibly relieved.

He'd managed to find the book on Chinese spells Kakyou had mentioned in his clan's library – deeply hidden in a dusty crack, its frame near falling apart. It was old, and the thick cloud of dust that imitated from it upon opening it told Subaru that it hadn't been touched in years, perhaps even a good number decades.

There was a note scrawled on the inside, along the introduction, in sharp Japanese kanji – A date, a time, and a place. Subaru wondered if it was significant. Trailing his fingers down the lettering, he figured, remotely, that it was probably where and when the book had been purchased. It had probably been rather expensive.

However relieved Subaru was, unfortunately, was quickly struck down with more worry. The kind of worry that made Subaru want to squirm uneasily, his insides crawling like worms

- feeding him an uneasy, loud spark of impending danger.

A breath trembled out of his throat.

The book was in Chinese.

Now, while Subaru could read a great deal of Chinese, write, and even speak in, as it was required of him being the clan head – since many of the spells he used where in-fact Chinese originated – this was slightly beyond his abilities.

The style of writing was extremely old. Well, things could be worse, had Subaru not decided in his years of searching for Seishirou to touch up on that rusty skill… But it still put him in a bad spot. Of course, he'd managed to find a few translation books in the clan library, and he had taken them all… But translating a book took a lot of time. And the section of the book containing the outline for the spell was… Subaru flipped open the flap, the pages failing out… A good… 40 pages long?

Subaru shook his head, closing the book, and slipping it into the gray messenger bag his grandmother had graciously offered him, to help him carry the stack of books he'd gathered. The onmyoji ran a hand through his hair, a habit explicating his tense mind, as a strip of gust burst from the open train window beside him, breathing heavily around the silky strands of black, leaving them faintly askew and cold. Subaru bit his lower lip lightly, glancing at the messenger bag, running his white hands across the fabric: as if afraid it would simply disappear into the cushion on the seat, never to be seen again. With how things were torn away from him so often, he mused bitterly, he wouldn't be surprised.

I'm being ridiculous. He thought, glancing at the bag every few seconds. Then finally, he tugged it onto his lap by the strap, wrapping his arms around it and hugging it close, giving his stupor a little rest.

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Rippling, rippling. An endless black sea, stretching far beyond the naked eye could tell, though it was as calm as a leisure pond, flat and steady. The only evidence pointing towards that it was indeed water were the miniscule tides wrinkling across the dark surface in wide circles. But then again, it wasn't real water.

Monou Fuuma, also known currently as the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth, stepped forth, though his large boots were soundless on the illusionary floors, even his breath silent, so quiet it appeared he wasn't breathing at all. His red eyes narrowed in concentration, a rare sight, as they flickered around, searching the premises of the masked dreamscape in a startling fast instant. His body jerked forth, his back straight, appearing calm, as he moved in a speed that made the black of the water seem blacker, the 'ceiling' and 'walls' blurring together as he was pushed onward so quickly the surrounding area looked like a messy canvas dripping with shadowy oil paint.

He suddenly halted. There was no sound, not even the sound of itself breaking as motion was pulled from an intense speed to an abrupt pause. Kakyou was now before him, his eyes their usual lifeless undertone - and he barely turned his neck to regard Fuuma as he watched as orbs formed from within the watery depths, their spherical shapes spiraling, playing out and whispering to him a story not even the Dragon of Earth Kamui could hear or see.

"Kakyou," Fuuma's deep voice was an undulation in Kakyou's ear, drowning a portion of his senses out.

Kakyou did not turn to him, still.

The deadly teenager let a smirk slip across his masculine features, and he stepped towards the dreamseer, kneeling down to the man's level on the 'water' or 'floor' or whatever name it could have been given at this point.

"You helped the Sumeragi. Thrice now, you have helped the Dragons of Heaven."

Kakyou turned weary eyes on the other man, though internally, he struggled somewhat. "Do you disapprove?"

"Not particularly." The Dragon of Earth replied levelly, careless. Kakyou frowned.

"Why is it you let me do as I please, even when I'm betraying the Dragons of Earth, whom I'm supposed to be loyal to?" He knew the Dragons' of Earth Kamui didn't care when he spoke to the other Kamui, but this was Sumeragi Subaru. This wasn't the other Kamui. It made it seem more as if he was willing to help all the other Seals… It made matters nasty for him, to say the least, considering he really didn't care about the other Dragons of Heaven nearly as much as he cared for Hokuto's brother, and for the other Kamui, who had had misery bestowed upon him at such a young age… He was sympathetic to the boy.

"I hardly consider it betrayal, Kakyou," Fuuma dipped his head towards one of the globes, watching the surface somehow managed to gleam yellow in the blackness, turning leisurely, as if it was its own little planet revolving around an unknown sun and moon. In a way, it was.

Fuuma touched the orb with the tip of his fingers, and it shuttered away from his caress, like a quivering, small animal… "If or if not Sakurazuka manages to live through that… a spell was it? And live again, the Sumeragi is no threat to the Dragons of Earth. He hardly has any will to fight for anything. And the onmyoji won't fight anymore anyway, since you graciously told him his altered fate might be re-twisted by an unknown force… since he was supposed to stay out of the battle's length… Since Sakurazuka was supposed to die. Fate is a cruel player."

Kakyou looked at the other man with his yellow, cat-like eyes for a short second before turning towards the floating, crystalline globes, lifting a frail wrist, the light blue veins showing clearly through his alabaster skin, as if he were transparent - the silk from his clothing sliding down to his elbow - and he stroked at the glassy covering with a tired hand. The globe did not turn away from him as it did with the angel before Kakyou.

Fuuma smiled, softer now, almost sincere, but the dreamseer knew far better. "By doing this, you may grant that girl's wish… Sumeragi Hokuto, the girl you loved? You also may grant the Sakurazukamori's wish - his real wish, behind that ridiculousness of wanting Sumeragi-kun to be his heir. He probably wasn't aware of his own wish, at all, even in his final moments of life… A shame, really," Fuuma sat up, standing, his full body height hovering over Kakyou like a storm cloud. "The Sakurazukamori was a veryintelligent man. And yet he was completely blind to his own wants and desires.

…Of course, though… if the Sakurazukamori gets in the way of the battle, I'll have to eliminate him."

Kakyou's eyes saddened, and he murmured, "He won't get involved… " Although he sounded unsure himself.

"Do you really believe he'll heed in your warning, the warning the Sumeragi will surely pass on to him? I don't think so. He won't stand idly by if the Sumeragi is attacked, not this time," Fuuma grinned to himself, a profound anticipation, like a weak adrenalin rush, building inside him, at the knowledge that he might be seeing the other angel again.

He had greatly liked Seishirou, enjoyed the melancholic rhythm of the man's complex and seemingly 'stable' mind. While most people's minds were still a challenge to read through, were easier, depending on how 'good' or 'pure' or 'clean' the persons intentions and thoughts were, down to the pit of their spirits. Seishirou was just the opposite of all that, the complete opposite of sweet idealism, far behind that attractive mask he displayed for society. Sumeragi Subaru was easy to read, despite his 'tainted' mind, as he himself referred to – it was still was like looking through a plastic bag, clear and utterly unmistakable. Out of all of them, angel and seal alike, Subaru was the easiest to decipher, right next to Kamui. Fuuma had immediately been able to see what the onmyoji had wished for when they had encountered one another at Sunshine 60 - the mere second he had looked at him.

Though while Subaru's mind was as clear as purified water, Seishirou's mind had a vastness, a macabre, poignant void, very bleak but organized. It was like an eternal section of hallways, of pale doorway after pale doorway, getting darker when he delved deeper into the heart of the 'building' - as enormous as one of the very metropolis buildings of Tokyo, as dizzy and seemingly endless as a mechanical labyrinth - and as skillfully crafted as the most refined architecture, left for the higher classes of society to anchor on. Though behind most doors, there was nothing, just emptiness; just an empty room with the same white floors and walls and ceilings as any other regular room, no significances, no belief, no feeling, not even a crushed down, choked belief that was suppressed within the capture of the interior. There was a cold darkness, in those rooms – a coldness that was left like a bad aftertaste, uneasy and bitter on his throat, but only half-realized, one side of him knowing there was supposed to be some thing in that mind, the other debating if it was a problem or not, if the queasy sensation growing in his chest was even there. Fuuma enjoyed Seishirou's thoughts. It was one of the few challenges he had, to analyze it.

But deeper yet, in those hallways, in those rooms – it lead to one thought – one place – one fixated concentration that the rest of the rooms pillared on, as centered as the outline of the mans basic instinct and personality, interlocked with his soul, and without that one vital support to rest over everything else would collapse.

The 13th head of the Sumeragi clan.

I wonder what you would do, Sumeragi Subaru, what on earth you would think… Fuuma was leaving the dreamscape, not leaving a goodbye for the dreamseer. They were far past such pleasantries. If you knew that the Sakurazukamori depends on your existence as much as you depend on his. Even if he hasn't realized it, if you were to completely leave his grasp, he would do more then simply die.

Death is simple.

In death, the body only creases functioning, and the mind sleeps into afterlife.

But... Fuuma stood, his back propped to the elevator, leading him down to the government basement.

When the mind dies, when the soul and spirit are broken…

…It's a different issue entirely.

The elevator rang as it opened.

o

o

Subaru's fingers skidded articulately across the old yellow pages, his one eye soaking in word after word. With his free hand, he fingered at the translation book at his desk top, squinting at the Chinese text, a frown creasing across his lips. He glanced at the translation book, moving his chair just slightly so he could be between the two books rather then just in front of one, and pulled out a piece of paper, his hand swiftly copying the word and then its Japanese translation beside it.

There was no way, at all, that Subaru would be able to memorize the entire outline of it, the complete, intricate structure of the wording and of the different positioning, the unique rituals and complex hand motions of the entire spell. How he was even going to begin to conquer so much dark ki was some what beyond him at the moment, but he would find a way. It was not as difficult as it had been when he'd first erected a kekkai, so he could make it through it. He would make it through it. If he could erect a kekkai to protect Seishirou, he could perform a mere spell for him also.

Subaru jumped the wooden chair back, and it squeaked in protest for an instant. A second longer, Subaru's gaze lingered on a single page, an illustration of a particular positioning he was completely unfamiliar with. Subaru drew his hands together, supplely, with the grace of a professional – starting first with his index fingers and crossing them over together, and then crossing over his thumbs, the rest of his fingers trembling lightly, straining from the positioning, but he managed it. Concentrating, he read over the line in Chinese, the ink mocking him powerfully. In one breath, he whispered it hotly, a forced echo of sound - soon feeling the tremors of dark energy gathering in his lungs and snaking down his arms. His whole form convulsed with it, his mind momentarily blinded, unused to handling the dark energy he was calling. It moved down his wrists, freezing and slimy, like giant slugs trailing over his skin and crawling towards his hands, straining them, causing the trembling to worsen. The fingers locked powerfully together, the purple energy gathering at his fingertips, booming in a dark violet, the force in synch with his pulse, and then growing violently hotter, molten, thick and heavy like lava, but it didn't burn -

Subaru let out a sigh and wretched his fingers apart, letting the magic fade in a loud popping cackle that sparkled in front of him momentarily in tiny purple dots before fading.

There was then a meek, tentative knocking on his door.

Subaru watched it, for a second, before turning back to the worn book and asking, "Yes?"

"Subaru, it's me, Kamui." The soft voice whispered, sounding a bit hesitant. Subaru smiled weakly and stood up, making his way towards the door, unlocking it, and then opening it fully.

The small dragon of heaven looked up at him nervously; his amethyst eyes shining white from the overhead hallway light, more lucent then usual. In his hands, there was a small bowl of steaming stew, the scent wafting upward in short curls - incredibly sweet and intoxicating. There was a smaller bowl of white rice beside it on the tray Kamui was carrying, along with some chopsticks. "I brought you dinner," Kamui explained hurriedly.

"Thank you." Subaru replied, voice soft, and moved out of the way. Kamui listened to the silent offer and walked through the doorway. "You can put that on… Hm..." Most of the places that were normally empty were covered with books. Subaru moved a few books from a small shelf he had and neatly lined them up, saying, "You can put the food there," while he placed them on the bed.

Kamui did as he was told, watching the other man out of the corners of his eyes. Subaru sat down on the futon, and gestured for Kamui to sit beside him. Kamui once more, obeyed, then folded up his legs and hugged them to his chest as he gave the Sumeragi a sidelong glance.

"So… "

"So… " Kamui replied. "I wanted to talk to you."

"I figured."

"Are you going to eat? It'll get cold…" The teenager mumbled, looking over at the soup sitting harmlessly on the shelf beside Subaru's work desk. Subaru shook his head.

"Later."

"Alright… Um… How's the research coming along?"

"Well enough." Subaru shifted backward on the futon, so that he could press his back up against the wall behind him. He closed his white and green eyes, sighing.

"You look exhausted."

"I haven't slept in awhile…" Subaru brought his hands to his face, and rubbed beneath his eyes. Truth was he hadn't been paying attention at all to his own physical state, until he'd just relaxed right now and sat down on the futon. If he just shifted again, he could be lying down… Subaru snapped at himself for the thought. It would be too easy to fall asleep.

"When was the last time you slept?"

"At Kyoto, the night before yesterday's… For four hours or so. It's not so bad… I could go without sleep for another day… Or two…" The thought was agonizing. He opened his eyes again, to see Kamui was observing him, his face scrunched up in sadness. "Don't worry about me," Subaru said, waving his hand. "I've been through worse." A lot worse, He thought.

"Subaru… I wanted to ask you… Do you think that I, I could've… Brought Kotori back, back then… If I did the same thing you're doing?"

"… I don't think so, Kamui. Not with how she was killed." Subaru said, after a moment. He was referring to how destroyed her body had been afterwards. It was pretty… un-repairable… He wasn't quite sure still, with how well he could even do the healing on Seishirou's body, and that was a really nagging, painful thought, mostly in the back of his head.

Kamui downcast his face, and then let go of the legs he'd been holding against his chest, scooting closer to the onmyoji. Subaru tensed for an instant, but it was only that, as Kamui snuggled up contently against his arm, his head dipped to the side to rest against the young mans shoulder blade. Kamui was looking down at the plaid blue and grey blankets as he asked, "Is there anything I can do? To help you?"

"I don't want to put you in any danger," Subaru said, immediately. "This is some thing I want. You don't have to be involved."

"Oh please, Subaru. I'm in danger 24-7. Every time I go outside, I'm in danger of being throbbed to death by Fuuma or by some other Dragon of Earth."

"…" The onmyoji didn't want to agree with the statement. Unfortunate enough as it was, it was true. He struggled uncomfortably.

"So please? Let me help you." Kamui asked, and clung onto Subaru's pants, his eyes anxious and yet intensely indomitable. Their gazes met, and neither of them faltered. Subaru was contemplating it… What would Kamui be able to do? He was questing into those profound, blue-violet debts, as if his answer lingered there… And then, abruptly, he broke the gaze.

"I won't forgive myself, if you get hurt."

"You won't have to, since I won't." Subaru could almost hear the smile in his voice. It was rarely ever there. The onmyoji pivoted his face back towards the teenager… and then sighed.

"Alright. You can help. But I don't know what you can do."

"I can't help with actually performing it, can I?"

Subaru wistfully shook his head, and leant against the smaller young man. Kamui was incredibly warm, his body so soft and comforting… I'm so tired. Subaru thought fleetingly, covering up a yawn with one of his hands. "It needs to be done… by just one person. The ritual will take about an hour, or so. Do you want to stay and maybe… watch? For when it's over, help me get Seishirou-san up to the hospital or call Imonoyama-san?"

"Alright." Subaru smiled.

"Then that's really enough for me." Kamui skidded away from the onmyoji – and he was moving towards the end of the futon, uncurling his legs to stand and stretch his arms high. He looked back towards the Sumeragi, who was starting to stand also.

"I should leave you to your work, then. I'm probably bothering you."

"You're never a bother." The onmyoji replied. Kamui grinned cheekily.

"Make sure to eat, Subaru." The dragon of Heaven gestured his hand towards the bowls of food as he exited the room.

o

o

After Kamui had left his room, then onmyoji had eaten, surprisingly enough. He was sure not to eat too much, in case he became full and grew more tired then he already was. But afterwards, he felt invigorated, and then engaged in a swift, cold shower to exhilarate his energized state.

Subaru was now drying off in the bathroom, slipping the white towel around each of his naked legs, the cloth hungrily devouring each minuscule droplet of water still sticking onto his pallid skin. He then brought it back to his face, ruffling it through backwards into his dark strands of hair, before deciding that he was dried enough to put his clothes on. He folded up the towel, placing it on the sink – and took his shorts in one hand, crouching over as he slid each leg through the cloth. His mind was elsewhere.

He'd managed to read the last of the spell, translate the last, trifling words – there was nothing else to do. Except….

I should really, really test it on some thing, before using it on Seishirou-san.

The thought shot a painful jolt through his chest. He couldn't do it on a person. It wasn't in his soul, to kill, even some one he didn't care about, had nothing at all to do with – merely imagining it brought a vibration through his body – and he couldn't breech past that boundary, for whatever it was inside him that simply wouldn't let him. And he didn't want to.

But the fact was he didn't have to kill some one. There were bodies crunched beneath wreckage, all over the city – thousands, perhaps even millions of them, forgotten beneath the enormous slabs of grey concrete. Subaru shook his head, feeling a small, yet overpowering tide of bile traveling up his throat, seeking its way out harshly, at the imagery of all those dead, bleeding faces with cracked skulls - bones pricking from under torn skin - itchy, dry crimson flicking off flesh and long pieces of bone snapped and mangled as small red rivers drained in an eternal stream - the people gathered in piles like a horrid slaughter house, their bodies paralyzed in an endless sleep; so much how Seishirou was now – he cupped his waist, wanting to topple over in that sea of sickness, his pulse rapidly beating in his ears, rather then in his blood – before he scolded himself for getting carried away with the idea, his teeth grinding together. Subaru calmed with some unsteadiness.

It would have to be an animal then… But the ritual wasn't meant for an animal – it was meant for a person. A human being. It wouldn't be a proper exam, and it would hold no real evidence as to whether the spell could work or not, even if it did work – that might be even a bad sign – Well… He could cut down on the amount of Ki he used, cut it about in half. Enough for an animal. But… But still…

It was completely… incorrect. And it could lead to a more erroneous situation…

Fuck.

Subaru groaned and put his head down on the sink counter top, the towel partially touching his cheek and jaw, his arms crossing and over his head. He stood there half-naked, the sink counter cold and sharp against his skin as it jutted into his stomach, piercing against the soft texture of his body. But he didn't move despite that, and his bare back trembled in the pale light. Subaru brought his arms to the edge of the sink's basin, and then stood up again, his reflection gleaming on the bathroom mirror as he rose, of a person he wasn't so sure he knew anymore; tall, incredulously thin, though attractive otherwise. Supposedly. Two shadows that connected at the base of his throat dipped into the crevices that his clavicles created, making him appear even thinner then he already was - dark with melancholy; his expression barren and arcane, transported far from his mind. And, looking down to examine himself, Subaru could see parts of his ribcage were quite clear and obtrusive. His fingers pricked at the unnaturally skeletal, bony, raw lines, as if some one had taken eyeliner and drawn shadows across his skin. It looked awful.

Don't think about it. He told himself, and seized his long black shirt, effortlessly slipping into it. The onmyoji then tucked the towel beneath his arm and unlocked the door, flicking off the light and exiting.

He was still pondering it… What to test… What to use, as an experiment… The concept was no less horrible, even when he protested he was doing this for the person he loved.

o

o

o

The night was a cooling whisper against his skin, skewing his senses lightly in a nervous, adrenalin-rush jumble, and then sharpening them horribly. The onmyoji wandering out in the Tokyo lights, alone, his steps leisurely - his legs leading him in no particular destination, on no particular path. Bright neon beams of multifold hues were a downpour on his face, swallowing his already stained vision in a charring burst, and he twisted his walk into a small back ally prudently, where the lights were less ravishing. He shook his head, sighing miserably, and rubbed at his one good eye, feeling mildly irritated, then even more so when the first pang of an oncoming headache made itself known by beating behind his eyes.

Subaru had been looking around for at least an hour now. Of course, he'd stumbled across a few stray animals. But looking at them once, their eyes helpless and large as he crouched down to stroke their fur, crusted with dirt, tangles, even old blood, and he lost his nerve in an instant.

I hate myself.

He frowned, and leant his back to the graffiti marked brick wall…

This is ludicrous. Would I rather an animal live instead of Seishirou-san?

Subaru's body jolted at the thought. His breathe hissed out, and he clutched at his hair and face, wanting to whimper and coil himself up in that moment, to hide and die and be miserable and never come out of that state. It was a strange, pathetic impulse, one that didn't last for too long.

His heart was beating fiercely in his chest, and he clutched at his shirt, trudging onward, not really regaining his stance.

He kept reconstructing the image of Seishirou's pale face, gleaming with frost, the mismatched eyes closed, and his own reflection shining back at him in the glass which he gazed through, though it was only translucent, and he was far more interested in what lay beyond that small barrier. In his mind, Subaru could see himself touching the face, feeling it frozen against his fingertips, the imagery so vivid it made him want to shudder. He stopped for a moment, covering his face from an obscuring light as he started again and passed it, eyes flickering around. He bit his lower lip anxiously, breathing deep, even breathes, as he watched the small leap of a shadow bounce on the side of a store wall.

He approached cautiously, seeing his own silhouette minimize on the wall as he drew closer towards it. A tiny kitten lay curled up against some trash, feeding from the torn, disposed plastic bags of the restaurant beside it. With the amount of dirt on its fur, he really couldn't tell what its original coloring would be. The odor of the trash was most putrid, a mixture of rotted onions and bloodied meat. He reached a hand forward nevertheless, careful to snip away from touching the garbage, his fingers darting, and the kitten barely registered his presence - it was probably starved, he realized, lost and alone – He felt himself pausing – before he rewound his indomitableness in a swift instant, scooping up the tiny animal.

It was a good thing he decided wearing his gloves would be a good idea, since the animal was now snarling at him in a way a dog would have. It was still only a baby, hardly even a pound in weight, so this didn't prove to be very threatening. Nevertheless, it tried to bite him, and the onmyoji couldn't risk getting an infection. The Sumeragi held the creature firmly, taking his time, wincing as the animal hissed in his hands, smelling of the trash it had resided by. It took awhile, but it finally calmed, and then even leant into his massaging touch, the first rattling sound of a small purr reverberating from its throat.

Subaru stood up from his kneeling position and moved around the small store, easing out into the yellow light to get a better look at the animal. The kitten was filthy, and its two large golden eyes were difficult to see under the knots and knots of fur. It kept blinking, as if some thing were caught in its vision, and turning, dubious, still looking a bit frightened, before it curled against the onmyoji's palms, obviously plagued by fatigue. The onmyoji could sympathize.

Subaru brought the kitten up to his chest, clutching it securely against him, and he looked for a deserted area. It was not so hard to find a long alley with a dead end, the narrow path pinched between two towering apartment buildings. Linen clotheslines swung and creaked high above him, the drying fabrics waving like flags in the wind's low sighs as Subaru entered, silent.

Not really caring if anyone saw him, and knowing very well that no one probably would, Subaru pulled the kitten carefully into the crook of his right arm. The animal was out of his vision, but it seemed weak, and unwilling to escape him now, as if it were longing for an owner. Subaru had to control his normal reaction to that thought and shut down his pity, shrugging off his dark messenger bag from his shoulder. He undid the latch with fingers, dipped in murky light, taking the old book out with the same hand, and inclined his head back towards the animal. He murmured a quick spell, one that Seishirou had been very compelled to use often - even though it was a less powerful version - and the kitten was asleep in a moment's time.

He was still gentle with the small, piteous thing as he set it before him. Reaching inside the bag once again, the onmoyji laid out a small towel, spreading it before putting the kitten on it. From his pocket, he twisted out an ofuda, and a blue flame encompassed the thin paper in a second's timing. He laid the ofuda down, but the flame did not spread and cackle, and hardly even flickered in the winds gust. A pale blue-turquoise lit up the animal dimly, and then his own face as well, making sight come easily.

Subaru gave the sleeping animal a final glance before he took his ceremonial dagger from his bag.

He let the weapon rise much higher the necessary in the grip of his fist, taking in a deep, calming gasp of musky Tokyo air before the blade bolted downward, his blood rushing through his veins like wild fire, impossibly exhilarating, almost to the point of making him stunned, as the knife tore through matted hair and skin easily, grating a rip in the animal's throat, like a stuffed animal that had been torn by a child's careless rough-play. Its breathing decreased instantly, the sleeping spell causing it to be totally passive and devoid of reaction. Subaru watched the dagger gleam, but it did not look red so much in the blue light - more like a dark deep wine or auburn.

He placed it aside, careful to keep blood from his hands. His own blood was raging like a sea inside him.

First, the healing.

Subaru placed a single hand over the rip in the animal's throat, shutting his eyes, as he pressed his index finger and middle finger together. A purple light gathered in those two fingers, making them glow like fireflies - a lukewarm energy - and Subaru paused in the timid heat of it before he slid his hand along the wound, the skin sealing at his command, like an invisible sewing machine. It wasn't that healing spells were difficult, he mused, but they were limited to only certain wounds. All it could do was pull skin together from two ends, stitch it back into a whole… But if an organ had bits missing, no healing spell could rejuvenate it – unless - he used some one else's body and merged alchemy with magic.

Brushing off the thought, Subaru let the magic fade from his grip, and re-examined the animal before him. They were no lingering wounds…

Well then…

He sighed.

I better get started. I hope this works…

Feeling abruptly anxious to have the process done and over will, the onmyoji took the book from his blind side and pushed it into view of his lap, spreading it wide open – the turquoise light from the ofuda was still glowing, his own small flashlight. The pages flickered in Tokyo's gust – and the Sumeragi turned to Chapter 5 with one hand, while with the other he touched the kitten's head.

The chants started low and whispered, and built into some thing more severe and powerful at each passing second. The chants alone covered about 6 pages, ridiculously elongated, and Subaru had to keep catching himself from saying things that referred to the human body instead of the animal's body before him. His voice felt raspy and was tinged with pain; by the time he reached the second page, his voice was already raucous; sand-paper like, and his jaw sore. But he could feel the ki in himself gathering, right at the pressure point in his throat, crisp and cool as the night air itself, and as misty as the aftertaste of rain. And then it grew more condensed, thick and heavy like molasses, a syrupy sensation gliding up his esophagus. It was annoyingly uncomfortable, and made chanting more difficult. This is nothing compared to how ki I'm going to need to muster up later. He reminded himself without missing the chant's beat, the olden Chinese strong and harsh in the silence of the alleyway… And Subaru could feel…

He could feel…

One more chant, and his vision split into two intricately constructed halves. On one side, there was the book in his hand, the sound of his own voice, the kitten lying limp on the cloth. There was the gentle breeze and shadows of the alleyway, a painting of ominous blacks and grays, and his pale hands tracing out the text as he read.

On the other, was a different world, a world he had shut himself off to since he was very young, and had only seen twice in his entire line of work as an onmyoji. It was the structure of a deep blue metropolitan highway, and his energies were ringing at the sheer force of it, every sense of his spirit brutally hit just from contact; as if some great tidal wave had swept over him. This was the spirit world; this was the place that the dead lingered, on its lowest and weakest level. Despite the fact Subaru could not sense any spirits to rouse his energies - his nervous system was shot from splitting his presences in two alone. It was difficult to maintain, the most difficult magic he had dealt with in a long time - and - his posture shook from it, subconsciously wanting to tip into one side, and make it so the other was lost. Too much… Too much… He was falling towards the spirit world, the alleyway disappearing steadily from his vision, that oceanic hue filling every piece of him, right down to the corners of his mind, like a heavy steam - and if he slipped just far enough he knew he would die, and his soul would be lost; forever in that intoxicating world - a sweet poison, a smoke I want to immerse myself in - the relaxation of nicotine filling my throat - that daze, that steady, warm fatigue - too much, I need to control it, I need to - Subaru felt his lips move as he read another chant - the text was hardly there anymore -

Seishirou, smiling at me. Seishirou's lips – his breathe on my ear – the echo of his voice – the heat of his blood, drenching my arm –

The image came in a flash, and Subaru redoubled, jerking himself back in-between and firmly planting himself in that broken vortex; fixating himself forcefully in one motion.

He relaxed.

…Too close…

His heart was hammering with the overwhelming speed of adrenaline. At least now he could feel his fingers again, in his own world – felt the last page turning as he controlled himself into reading the very last paragraph, ignoring his frenzied state. Gold light struck across his sight, momentarily blinding him - before he took a hold on that power as well and brought it down to the tips of his fingers, having memorized this sequence far before hand. The kitten's fur was still soft even with the clusters of dirt and dried blood. He graced his fingers across it in a tentative caress that was a whisper of touch. He felt the imprint of its soul fill him, even for such a tiny creature, it made him dizzy as it intermingled in his magic. Once more he was forced to regain control – another poor foreshadowing of things. If I can hardly even handle this kitten, then I… He panted from the flood of power, and his fingers twirled into another position – his shikigami arose from his hand in a sinuous curve, a white fog soon forming into outstretched wings, then, a head, legs, eyes… The bird-like creation floated just above his wrist, bathed in blue light and near transparent. Subaru yelled, "Find!" and the white bird obeyed its master in perfect compliance, straining forward into the hidden depths of the highway's channel.

His vision was sliced into three separate dimensions then, a horrible array of images colliding into each other, adding further to the horrid chaos and confusion of the situation - Subaru dimly felt some thing wet trickle down his jaw in a world he was only mildly sure was his own. Whether it was sweat or some thing a bit more portentous mattered very little to him at the moment as he focused on reading the very last page, looking through the shikigami's eyes as he did, a migraine already beginning to make itself known on one portion of his head. It did not help at all that he was blind in one eye and that he was viewing all these things in a broken range – some thing he had yet to get used to.

But he managed, some how, in that vertigo, to read the very last words – and there was a burst, a release of tension as if some rubber band had slackened after near snapping, and he disappeared from the spirit world, leaving his shikigami behind in that realm to seek what he sought, already wanting to collapse in on himself from exhaustion. No, control it. The essence of the animal was closer, closer… Subaru commanded his shikigami to delve more profoundly, and he was soon rewarded when he felt the kitten's small soul against his shikigami's talons; warm and silky as hot milk, as pureand radiating with innocence as a newborn child. Subaru tugged at it very tenderly, taking his leisure, finally able to relax for the first time in the entire session. The animal was submissive to his will, and let itself be carried: no doubt frightened from its first taste of death and bewildered. It only took a good two minutes to bring the soul back, and his shikigami dissipated with one final chant after it reproached its master and let the soul wander into his hands. With one fierce jerk Subaru pushed it back down into its body – his sight came back, full force – and there was nothing anymore except the tiny animal on the small towel, the light of his ofuda still glinting in green-blue, and dim luminosity coating the walls on each side of him.

He gasped in relief, feeling his body tremor in overtiredness.

Immediately, Subaru wanted to redo the process in his head; rethink and reassess how it would be different from when he used Taimaiso on Seishirou. He could already see the ominous notions of it, sharp and contrasting as white on a black surface. Subaru had no idea if Seishirou would be as submissive as the tiny animal had. He also had already known it would be a difficult performance – but he wasn't expecting it to be that complicated, still. Thought was very different from practicality; and it felt so much more real, more deadly, when he'd actually performed it then from when he had been only reading and practicing certain aspects of it in his own room. Fear was a coiling emotion inside him, squeezing his lungs in an icy grip and flowering like a torn rose, the vines twining from the innermost place of his body out to his limbs in an eerie embrace. No-

Not now.

I need to see if it even worked.

Getting back into things, Subaru looked at the ball of dirt and fluff lying on the blanket. He lifted his wrist and then lowered his hand on the feline's head, stroking back the fur as softly as possible, trying to coax the animal into awakening. When his hand touched the creature's back, he quickly felt the small body rise and fall from breath. From breathing.

From life.

His heart leapt with a rare joy.

Oddly excited and enthusiastic, Subaru shook the kitten, though careful not to really disrupt the demeanor of the fragile creature, knowing well what had been its cause. He scratched the animal behind its ear, and it suddenly stretched each of its four limbs out, the white claws peeking out from underneath the fur of its paws - probably taking what had happened to it as a dream, Subaru thought – and then the kitten began mewing into Subaru's loving caress, even with the restriction of his gloves. He stood back to divest himself of a single glove, sticking it into his pocket, before retreating back to stroking the kitten amorously. It cooed at him, and he smiled.

o

By the time Subaru was making his way back to the Imonoyama mansion, he had pampered the little bundle in his arms into oblivion. Literally. The ball of fur was now sleeping in the crook of his arm, curled up like a roly-poly bug, its tail not even in motion anymore as it dreamt. It was perfectly healthy, maybe even better then it had been before, since Subaru had taken the initiative to restore its vigor.

After the spell's completion, the onmyoji had gathered up his things and left with the mewing animal to find a pet store. The people who'd worked there had been more than delighted to help clean up the kitten until the creature was spotless – and also to cut the knotted bits of hair and groom it right down into perfection. It had taken at least an hour, the onmyoji thought fleetingly. Subaru also learned the kitten's coloring was white, not at all brown – with grey paws – and an adorable little dust-hued diamond on the center of its head, flaring down onto its black nose. The tips of the kitten's ears were colored of smoke. Subaru felt his usual attraction to animals and wanted to cuddle the tiny thing as close as possible; the people in the pet store had been no less awed by its cuteness, cooing at the minute animal throughout most of the session of cleaning. Subaru had gotten it a collar, and named it 'Hope', after what it had given him. The collar was black with a silver coin in its center – the name there already engraved.

He knew well he'd spent lots of time fixing up the animal, even through the distant knowledge that he should be thinking of the spell, sleeping away fatigue, or preparing for it, but the Sumeragi couldn't help it. He'd also bought some food for it – had it fed, stuffed it until it could eat no more and turned sleepy grey eyes on him.

Subaru would have spent more time, getting it supplies, more food, toys, etc – But the kitten could wait until tomorrow. It was already extraordinarily late, at least twelve am… He needed to get back.

Quite easily he found and called for a taxi then directed it down the correct streets. He sank into the cushion of the seat, sighing, trying to blink away his tiredness.

o

"Awwwwwww!!!!" Yuzuriha bounced on her feet, her large eyes alight with joy. "He's so cuuuuute!!" She squeaked, hopping up and down eagerly in front of Subaru, staring at the kitten. He'd been surprised that the other Dragons of Heaven were awake at such an hour – especially Yuzuriha - who usually was in bed earliest of them – for them to be up so late was odd. He was more surprised that they had all greeted him when he'd entered; Kamui coming up first from down the stairs, around the corner, staring at him; cocking an eyebrow at the kitten, and then his face blooming into a smile as he walked over. Soon, Sorata had come out from the hallway, Yuzuriha following. It wasn't long before he was surrounded by the three Seals, giving him surprised but joyous looks while trying to glimpse at and pet the kitten.

It had been passed to everyone; from Kamui to Sorata and then to Yuzuriha, and it was now back in Subaru's gentle arms.

"Whatcha name it?" Sorata said, trying to peak down at the collar. "Didcha find it?"

Not wanting to get into details, Subaru avoided the second question and instead held the kitten up high for Sorata's view, so he could see the name on the collar for himself.

"'Hope'?" Kamui read, still smiling and reaching out shyly to pat the kitten's head. It purred contently with the sensuous movement. Subaru however inwardly grimaced at the slit-like, wide scars centered on that hand, and knew there was a twin of that one on Kamui's other hand as well… and what had been its cause…

So much pain, they all had to go through, and for some thing most of them had wished to never even be involved in…

Brushing the thought aside, Subaru focused on Kamui's happy features, enchanting – and passed the bundle back into Kamui's arms, just a bit hesitant, the question being asked with action rather then sound… and Kamui accepted the kitten with that grin of his, holding Subaru's gaze before letting himself concentrate back on the ball of fur as Yuzuriha scooted closer to Kamui, peeking down at it.

"We saved ya some dinner, Subaru-san," Sorata spoke up, and placed his hand on Subaru's thin shoulder, trying to catch the young man's attention. Subaru looked at him and smiled gratefully, shifting the strap of the bag on his shoulder, trying to make it feel less heavy and irritating.

"Thanks."

"No problem!" Sorata grinned broadly, greatly relieved to see the other smile. "I'll heat it up for ya – I've been meaning to speak with you, anyway," He tugged on Subaru more insistently, and then let his arm drop to his side. Subaru nodded and flicked his white and green glance back to Kamui and Yuzuriha; who had both settled down on the grand staircase and had placed the kitten in between themselves, watching it go back and forth as it chased either of their hands - Yuzuriha giggling playfully; Kamui more snickering; sneaky, smug, yet as teasing as a child – a truly rare display as he darted his hand in front of the kitten and then jerked back, time after time, tempting the poor creature, who was absolutely no match for his uncanny speed. He looked so cheerful...

Subaru had a disquieting urge to hug the boy as he watched him, abruptly faced with a nostalgia that was almost painful, sad, as it melted in his chest, searing athwart him… – perhaps because it was so horribly rare, to see his friend in such a state of enjoyment, the knowledge that it would soon fade; and a pang he'd grown used to by now ached inside him - to protect the teenager from harm, at all costs - echoing throughout his mind and body in dull thuds – those small shoulders shrugging with airy giggles as Subaru's eyes wandered over the boy; his small lips uplifted, the coral pink of his cheeks and his skin pale and so radiant, milk white … and his eyes, without a doubt the most distinctive feature of his face – glowing in a surge of profound violet, beautiful and deadly as a rose. Oh, Kamui had the ability to be deadly, but he didn't use it so much – which was a terrible thing, in some aspects, but in others, made him seem more loving and kind then he already was…

"Subaru-san," Sorata said, his finger poking the Sumeragi's shoulder. The onmyoji jolted, just a brief motion, before relaxing and looking at the monk – who was smiling helplessly, his dark almond eyes somehow merrier then usual. "Come on'."

o

Subaru could hear Kamui and Yuzuriha talking, even with the length of the hallway's distance between them. He sat on one of the kitchen stools – which was, as always, built to be higher than the sitter, and so Subaru had to keep his house slippers from sliding off his feet every few seconds or so. Eventually he gave up on that and let them fall off on their own, his pale feet dangling a foot or two from the floor. He'd also taken care of his bag, with the precious book and information it contained inside – very carefully placed it on the counter, smoothing out the wrinkles in the thick cloth before settling.

Sorata looked at him from over the pastel colored kitchen island as he pushed the plate of steaming food to Subaru – too much food, Subaru thought a little miserably as he examined the full plate of heated vegetables, rice and chicken… Nevertheless he accepted the chopsticks as Sorata handed them over along with a glass of water, murmuring a kind 'thank you' towards the other and then began eating with a measured slowness, sleepiness drifting across his mind like clouds of smoke…

Subaru plucked a piece of heated broccoli up and put it between his lips, the warmth of it spreading like butter throughout his mouth and fogging his throat – he chewed carefully, cautious of being burned, and swallowed. "It's good."

"Nee-chan made it. She's asleep right now, though…" Sorata seemed disappointed with that, but then smiled – much softer then its usual exuberance, as if it had lowered a pitch. "How are ya?"

"…I'm fine, I suppose," Subaru replied after a moment's paused, and lifted his forearm up to reach for the glass of water – Sorata's forearm abruptly moved towards his, taking the onmyoji's white hand in his own in the split second of movement, halting the motion in the beat of unexpected intimacy;Subaru's body automatically jerked in response. But Sorata kept his hand held in his, and the onmyoji shot a look at him, surprise apparent across his usually blank features –

"Subaru-san, I'd like to see you smile more…" He finally began to relax, that instant where fear had taken him already dripping away into a memory – but its aftermath still lingering, much calmer, but nevertheless, still an unsteady undulation within him. Disturbed by its uneasy tracks inside him, Subaru looked up into the other's face, feeling unusually nervous, but anticipating the next words.

Instead Sorata's gaze tilted, faltering, until it drifted aside, and he released Subaru's hand - allowing his own to rest along the smooth top of the counter.

"Kamui's happier, too…

"To see you happy…

"I too, would like to know more about the person who you are… would like to see you past that shell… if you'd allow me." The Osaka teenager stared back at Subaru – a sadness etched along the countenance, perhaps in the firm line of his jaw or in the seriousness of his eyes; but more determination was showing, overshadowing all else. He then bowed his head, a chuckle sweeping across him. "I'm a bit envious of you… You can cheer Kamui up so quickly." Taken aback by the comment, Subaru cast his eyes behind him – to the hallway, where Yuzuriha's and Kamui's cheerful voices were echoing – an indistinguishable quibble of words he couldn't make out. That rush to hold Kamui in his arms was coming back, lapping at his senses, shrieking it self onward into his mind. The onmyoji shook his head as if to shake the feelings off with physical movement, mirroring his thoughts, and then looked back at the monk, biting his lip.

"That's not true…"

"Yes, it is," Sorata said with such a ferocity Subaru was flabbergasted yet again, for the third time now. "You mean a lot to him…" The teenager straightened, but his shoulders slackened in a mock of defeat, for whatever reason that was. But he was smiling at Subaru, an odd smile that was more admirable looking then happy; a smile of fondness to the other.

The Sumeragi craned his neck down, narrowing his eyes, whispering soundlessly so Sorata wouldn't hear; "…I wish I didn't…"

"What was that?"

Subaru shook his head and straightened, bending his arm so that he could cushion his face with the palm of his hand, eyes near shutting from drowsiness that was making itself evident again. "Kamui has been through a great deal. I think you help him more then I do… you see him more often, and you're around more…-" Subaru yawned, then sat up, spiraling the food of his plate around with the chopsticks still held in his left hand. Though he was much more focused on the conversation and his own thoughts than on the food, he continued to eat.

"You think so?" Sorata asked, turning around so that his back was to Subaru, who nodded even though it wouldn't be seen. Subaru's reply was firm, no hesitation or questioning behind it.

"I know so."

Sorata's shoulders slouched. "…maybe… It's difficult, to speak to him sometimes…" Subaru could still listen to the two Seals, far off from the conversation at the stairway, chatting still yet. "He's had it rough. But anyway, off of the subject of Kamui."

He turned around, as if to emphasize the words.

"What about you, Subaru-san?"

Subaru cringed instinctively. "What about me?"

Sorata leant over the counter, piercing his stare right into the onmyoji's, trying to delve into what was externally shown and understand what was beneath the white and green depts. Subaru's eyes were too profound and too closed off – too esoteric – he never let anything overcome his equilibrium demeanor. It was like looking at the calm, supple dance of the ocean tide, trying to understand what it harbored beneath when only seeing the surface, what great mysteries it held, with no evidence, only the knowledge it was vast… Sorata cleared his throat, almost afraid to continue, a nagging in his mind that he was prying and the other would be annoyed by it. But Subaru had come very close to dying – didn't that make it right to?

They were all afraid, all so worried for him, that he would simply go to sleep in his own room and not come out for breakfast the following day, wilt away like a flower, sleeping into his death; forever locked and caged within himself: an unspoken and dispersed beauty – a bird that didn't sing, alone within the confines of its own mind.

Sorata gulped at a gracious amount of air, and inquired worrisomely, "What happened? What made you… want to come back?" He murmured. "Everyone but Kamui had given up hope on you returning… They were beginning to make preparations… for your funeral… Everyone but Kamui thought you were gone. We didn't know how to bring you back," Sorata propped himself up with one of his dark hands, voice rising with confusion, grief, "And all the medication wasn't effecting you at all." Sorata wanted Subaru to know that all the Seals were there for him, would always be there for him – including himself – but every time they told the Sumeragi master this or some thing similar he didn't seem to soak that information in fully, only partially, no matter how much they truly meant it, and rarely ever did the young man even speak to anyone besides Kamui. It was obvious he didn't trust anyone, kind as Subaru was; he was extremely wary of others and choked away from any sort of contact or communication.

What's going on in that mind of yours, Subaru? Sorata mused sadly as he held the other's gaze captive.

What happened to you?

"I'm sorry." Subaru murmured.

Sorata blinked. Why was he apologizing? Subaru had done nothing wrong, even if he didn't trust and speak so often, it didn't mean it was his fault – some thing had caused him to be like that, people weren't just born that way – and in that retrospective, absolutely nothing was his fault.

"Why are ya apologizing?" Sorata asked, trying to break the mood by being a little more cheerful, though clinging to some seriousness since the topic was rather deep. "You didn't do anything wrong. We're just worried for ya--"

Subaru's tone sharpened, as did his eyes, "For that, for making you all worry about me – I'm really not very useful at all… All I do is keep making everyone worry, when you should be more focused on the battles. I hardly do anything to help, and just cause trouble... I'm a distraction." By the time he'd was done speaking, it had ended in a whisper.

Sorata then abruptly recollected Subaru making a similar apology when he'd had his eye gouged out, weeks ago now – and when he was in a hospital, and most of the Seals had come to see him – but his thoughts were severed in a blink when he unexpectedly noticed Kamui was standing at the opening of the kitchenette, his violet eyes lowered and upset, his arms slackened, sagging like the branches of a willow tree. The kitten wasn't with him – probably with Yuzuhira – how long had the boy been standing there, listening to the conversation? Sorata almost spoke again, but his voice was swallowed by an odd force, like gravity pushing him down, as Kamui approached Subaru from behind: steps that were utterly soundless and impossible to hear above the droning of the dish washer, his movements languid and anesthetic; clothing rippling with folds as he walked. The teenager gave Sorata an acknowledging glance before coming around onto Subaru's right and wrapping his arms around the onmyoji's shoulders. Subaru jumped slightly, startled; hadn't heard Kamui at all, from the looks of it – and turned to face the teenager, their noses only a few spaces apart.

"You're not a distraction." Kamui said; his voice taut. "You're not."

Subaru scanned Kamui's face, his delicate features and his narrowed eyes, glistening as they held his regard in an eternity of seconds. Then Kamui broke that lengthened pause with a jerk, half peering into Subaru's face. "Sorry… I was eavesdropping, I guess. I wanted to tell you that the kitten fell asleep. Yuzuriha went to put him in your room."

"…Ah, thanks," The onmyoji responded, not really recovered from Kamui's earlier statement. He diverted his attention from the teenager, and poked at the remaining food on his plate, not really enthusiastic to eat anymore.

He shifted to stand up but Sorata took his plate before he could, in a delighted voice offering to take it for him, making his way to the waist basket to toss the remaining food and then to the sink to clean the plate before the onmyoji had a chance to protest. And Subaru didn't really want to protest, he was too tired. He woozily moved sideways, placing his feet back down on the floor and standing, wanting desperately to stretch but suppressing the small urge, the floor oddly cold on his bare feet. He knelt down to grab his thin slippers and snugly fit both his feet into them, sensing Kamui's gaze on his right, unnerving and comfortable at the same time. He stretched his forearm for his bag, and ducked his head so the strap could come on his blind side, then vertically down his chest.

"You should go to sleep, Subaru." Kamui commented.

Subaru nodded - a subconscious gesture. "Yeah, I'm going to…" He stood back up to his full height, Kamui's luscious eyes gleaming up at him, shining in mauve – Subaru looked back at Sorata, who was taking a terribly long time to clean one dish, still facing away from him as water rained down from the faucet, causing a sizzling reverberation throughout the room. "Good night, Sorata-san."

"Yeah… See ya' in the morning." He seemed reserved, and dissatisfied… Subaru didn't clog his mind with musing, and instead faced Kamui, who waiting for him. He offered the younger man a smile, and Kamui smiled shyly in return.

They made it up the staircase together – it was certainly wide enough for them to stand side by side and still have some room to spare; the only noises in the stillness was Subaru's slippers making soft contact with wood and the tender sound of Kamui's socked feet gliding up the steps.

Kamui was the first to speak.

"You don't seem like the pet-owning type," He teased gently, and blew a strand of wavy russet hair from his face. It flung up, and then immediately fell back down over one of his eyes. Kamui made an annoyed face and brushed the strand away, and Subaru couldn't help but grin lightly at the antic. But his face then went grave, as if some thing inside his mind had fallen from the height of playfulness. They reached the elongated hallway at the top of the steps; the light of the below hallway only a murmur in the background, and the breath of darkness flooding them in the cool slickness of night, coating them in ink.

"I meant what I said… you're not a distraction, Subaru… Please don't think you are…" Kamui's voice sounded at the edge of itself, anxious and brushing into fear, though hushed, obviously kept low so no one else but Subaru would be able to fathom the boy's whispers. "You're… You're such an important person to me…" And Kamui's small hands were reaching out, to touch at Subaru's shirt, lovingness in the motion. Subaru's heart raced – being so kind to some one, close to some one instinctively made him want to rear back, as he had just done only moments ago with Sorata. He reminded himself who exactly he speaking to before Kamui's tiny fingers fell onto the fabric of his shirt and then moved around his sides, fingers knitting together at his back, as the shorter man pulled him closer in for a hug and rested his head against Subaru's collarbone and onto his shoulder. Kamui made a soft sound that was almost a sigh, and Subaru couldn't make out the boy's expression due to the shadows of the hall and because of the angle Kamui was in.

Hesitating, Subaru responded, bringing his hands around Kamui, his palms massaging up and down the line of Kamui's spine, feeling it through the cloth (he'd removed his gloves along with his shoes when he'd first entered the mansion, the gloves now resting in his bag) on his bare skin.

Kamui mumbled against his shoulder, "You're my best friend Subaru, okay?"

"Kamui," he whispered, voice low, "you shouldn't care about me this much."

"I have to," Kamui hissed, tightening his hold. "…You've done so much for me."

Subaru shook his head in quiet protest, only to be abruptly jerked closer, minimizing the already near nonexistent space between them, his heart pulsing. Kamui continued to whisper; "Don't say that… that you 'don't deserve it'… or degrade yourself. I think you deserve it, and nothing's going to change my mind." Subaru stared at the adjacent wall, his mind in an ambivalence of wanting to speak and not wanting to – knowing he should object but not knowing how… "Got it?" And then Kamui's arms fell back down to his sides, and he pulled away from the Sumeragi's grip. Subaru let him go, and Kamui's eyes looked hard back at him.

"Yeah… alright." There wasn't much he could do to change the boy's mind anyway, if it was what he really wanted…

And Kamui's face cracked into a true smile, his eyes lighting up. Subaru figured now was as good as a time as any to tell the boy about his progress with the spell… since Kamui was so fixed on helping… But it was cute, and innocent in its own sense - that faithfulness the teenager offered so willingly; the loyalty of a true friend.

A friend…

And though Subaru had known they'd been 'friends' for awhile now… he felt…

Oddly relieved.

Like a weight he'd been suppressing had lifted off his shoulders.

I don't have to hold anything back from him, the thought was sudden and unexpected, like a cold splash of water on his face.

I can confide in him.

Pleased and happy with the idea, Subaru gestured with his hand for Kamui to follow him to his room – Kamui grinned with exuberance, and followed.

o

o

"So… that's why you have the kitten…" Kamui gave the sleeping animal a sidelong glance, his fingers fidgeting with the quilt of Subaru's futon, his eyes mildly apprehensive. The onmyoji sat back on his chair near his desk, and had turned it around so he could face Kamui – he'd also offered the boy the chair but he'd declined.

Subaru had given a rather intricate explanation to Kamui of what he had done that evening, and Kamui listened wholeheartedly, only pausing once or twice to ask a question. Kamui didn't have a lot of background knowledge on onmyoujutsu, ironically enough, considering he was 'the Kamui' – the teenager explained somewhere among the jabber of the conversation that his mother had never sought to teach him, and he'd never known his father; that he discovered his powers on his own and 'taught himself', and the only time his mother ever really spoke of it was when he used his magic for something 'inappropriate': and when Subaru gave him a dubious look, Kamui murmured some thing about fighting. The onmyoji chose not to question further, since the younger male looked a bit reluctant to talk about it.

Besides…

Subaru found that incredibly odd that no one had tried to track Kamui down as a child and take him away - or even try to kidnap his mother as she was pregnant.

"…I'm guessing your mother went into hiding."

Kamui paused, and nodded, eyes grave with memories. "I guess so… She always kept me in the dark… I didn't know anything. When we moved from Tokyo it was really sudden, and I didn't get any say in the matter." Kamui waved his hand absently. "Sorata was the one who told me all about this, this 'apocalypse' – that was long after my mother was dead."

Subaru examined Kamui's crunched up position, melancholic with musings. "…That must have been extremely hard on you. I've known about the fate of 1999 for years."

Kamui abruptly leaned up, and looked straight at the onmyoji. "What about your parents, Subaru—ah, sorry," He then ducked his head, his wavy bangs hiding his expression, brown hair spangled in the sharp light. "I shouldn't pry." He mumbled. The faintest of pinks graced his cheeks.

"No, it's fine." Subaru crossed his arms, and inhaled deeply, mind rotating with recollection – he vaguely realized they'd gotten far off track from their original conversation – and smiled a little sadly, facing Kamui again as the teenager peeked a petite glance at him; his hands on his lap, fingers knotted together and playing with each other as if on fingerboard. "My parents…" Subaru tipped his head back, staring at the ceiling, wondering then why he'd never really been asked this question before. "My parents died a long time ago. I don't even know the specifics. My father died before my mother gave birth to me, and my mother died when I was four… or maybe five years old. I still remember the day I went to her funeral… It was so long ago…" Hazily Subaru refocused on Kamui as his mind whirled - he remembered - rain and a stark coffin; the scent of roses that overcame even the heavily perfumed women, the large pelts of rain, dropping like cold marbles from the grey sky - recalled acutely his sister to one side of him and his grandmother on the other, his own body cold with the rain's chill, Hokuto and his grandmother holding each his hands in a tight grip, their palms clammy with sweat – both gripping as if afraid he might disappear as they pinched together underneath the wired ceiling of their black umbrella that did very little to keep out all the enormous droplets of rain.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

Subaru shook his head. "Don't apologize. It just happened a really long time ago… my memory's fuzzy… it's weird, I remember one thing with complete clarity and the rest is all vague.

"My mother was really kind, if I can recall at least that – but that's really it. I don't have a picture of her or anything..." Kamui looked upset with this news. "Don't worry about it, Kamui, I hardly knew her, and my Obaa-chan was always there to raise Hokuto and me anyway."

Kamui grinned, his lips uplifting in bitterness, lopsided. "We're alike, in sorts."

:It just seems to me that you and Kamui are alike…:

Subaru blinked, puzzled.

"Just… life screwed us both over pretty badly, didn't it?" Kamui looked away, his hair falling in front of his face, shrouding his expression.

Subaru paused, unsure of how to respond, but then agreed. "I know… But… our lives aren't over yet." He pointed out, his voice mellow and calm, assured. Kamui glowered at the long silver lamp, though it was painfully hard task to tell with his strands of hair cloaking his face - even more so for some one who was half blind.

"What if the spell doesn't work, Subaru?" Kamui's small hands curled into fists, knuckles turning white. "What will you say then?"

Subaru exhaled, breathe quaking, gathering his thoughts… "I know there's a huge possibility that some thing will go wrong. That it won't work, that –" he stopped himself quickly from exposing to Kamui the fact this was in going to be putting himself in a lot danger. He needed not worry the teenager further. He sighed, continuing: "…That I might hurt Seishirou-san… That he might end up dying the second he comes back… And all those things, I'm so scared of them happening. I don't even want to contemplate what kind of agony I'm going to be in if those things do happen.

"I don't have time to feel doubtful… I don't have time to falter, or be anxious, or afraid. I need to have strength, and to stop being weak, for once in my life - to give myself the ability to be happy again. It's selfish of me… I should know better then anyone that the dead should not be disturbed." Kamui twisted himself sharply, mauve eyes narrowed, glassing over with thought. Uncertain, the onmyoji inquired, his insides feeling hot and squished, his mouth arid; "…Do you think I'm wrong for this? That I'm being foolish?"

"No." Kamui crossed his thin arms, features profound in muse. "No, I don't think you're wrong. I know you're in love with Sakurazukamori…" Subaru gulped dryly, nodded a confirmation, and Kamui's eyes thinned further – but not in anger, just in seriousness - and he looked aside. "You just want to be happy. There's nothing wrong in that. And you deserve it, after this… hell Sakurazukamori put you through. You deserve it. He owes you at least that.

"But it's more then that… You want him to be happy too, right?" Subaru nodded another confirmation, and Kamui's face burst into a bright grin, and he pivoted back to his friend. "It's not wrong. It's selfish, but also selfless."

Subaru uneasily squirmed in his seat, slumping faintly, and crossed his arms, as if trying to secure himself. "But… He technically committed suicide… He wanted to die."

"So what? Subaru, I think you need to give the bastard some revenge, honestly." The onmyoji was caught off by the slander, but then nearly chuckled. "He's gotten everything out of you, but you haven't gotten anything out of him. It's only fair. And if he doesn't like it, well, he's just going to have to deal."

Subaru shook his head, the amusement fading. "It's still not… right."

"You're going to do it anyway, though." Kamui said levelly, standing, walking over to Subaru lithely, eyes looking oddly darker then they were supposed to be with the lamp light licking illumination on his back - making his front side shadowed while casting a stripe of black over Subaru's body. Strips of his hair dangled in front of his face like odd, alluring ornaments, swaying with his motion. "Whether or not it's 'right' or 'wrong'… Because… you need him that much…?" Subaru wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement. Kamui and the onmyoji were only a few spaces apart, and both could hear the other's breaths, shallow but quiet. Subaru's tongue flicked out to moisten his lips, which had turned chapped some time in the conversation – and he tipped his head up, their expressions meeting, stern violet to rippling green and white.

"In all honesty… I don't want to survive without him.

"He's my special person. He's… everything to me."

o

o

Sky blue dust smudged like eyeliner on Subaru's finger tips as he swiveled in a circle, marking the room's hard word floor with the inverted pentagram in chalk, being careful to avoid moving the ofuda placed securely in the center. His knees were starting to complain from the awkward position, the wood rubbing against his knees through the cloth of his jeans, but he finished the circle with a last twist of his wrist, and stood up, stepping back to examine his work.

Subaru glanced over at the old book lying opened on the only table that hadn't been shoved into the rest of the clutter like the other furniture – double-checked the mark on the page, finely drawn out in dark pen, compared it to his own, and approved it.

He put the chalk down on the table, stopped it from rolling off once then took a wet cloth that had been also placed on the table and whipped his hands clean from residue.

The door creaked inward, a tiny pale hand wrapped around the silver knob, and Kamui poked his face in, violet eyes curiously staring at Subaru in a ridiculously adorable fashion, his pink lips glossy in the faint illumination. Subaru smiled at the younger man and beckoned him in with a wave of his hand.

"I just called Imonoyama-san… " Kamui said as he stepped inside fully, shutting the door behind himself. "and… He said he'd contact the scientists shortly, have them bring Sakurazuka here…"

Subaru felt a jolt at ever nerve ending in his body. He turned his face aside, head bowed, hoping to give nothing away to Kamui in his countenance. "…And everyone?"

"Everyone's at school. Don't worry, no one's going to bother us. We've got a solid seven hours."

Worry? How can I not? Subaru inhaled, vainly trying to crush the whirlpool of emotions that were rampaging through his body – the drumming of his heart pumped in rapid bursts, his lungs feeling as if they were being squeezed together by a pair of menacing, searing hands, making his breath shorter than what would be considered normalcy. A bead of liquid tickled down his neck, rolling over his skin. He was so nervous – and scared – but he was doing his best to at least not show it to Kamui, though his body was doing a damn decent job of betraying him. He turned to the teenager, and Kamui gave him a quizzical look, stepping onward to the onmyoji, and touched his forearm – which lay exposed due to his short-sleeved shirt.

"I'll be with you, every step of the way." Kamui said in absolute resolve and confidence.

The words did nothing to calm the onmyoji. Nevertheless, he was still grateful for them.

At least it was better then being alone.

He went to say some thing to Kamui, but then stopped, seeing the boy's attention was occupied by some thing off to the side of him, out of his vision. Subaru moved to get a better look… oh. He smiled at Kamui, and waved his hand in front of the boy, who blinked back into reality. "You can look at it, if you want." He pointed to the book. "Just be careful with it."

"Oh… Okay." Kamui said, and dubiously wandered over to the table, running a single finger down the crease of the binding. His eyebrows furrowed together in confusion "It's in… Chinese?"

"Yeah."

"You can speak Chinese?" Kamui asked, sounding awful inquisitive on what Subaru would have thought a dull subject. He replied anyway.

"Indeed I can. However I can read it better then I can speak it. I was taught it when I was younger, still living in the Sumeragi household, then I continued to study it in high school, then brushed up on it when I was older so… I'm fairly familiar with it." Subaru stretched out his limbs, his green and white eyes traveling to the door, but he was barely seeing it, his mind elsewhere, in an area dark and clouded... How long is it going to take for them to get here?

Why was it so hot in the room? Subaru subconsciously played with the hem of his shirt, flapping the fabric, and abruptly tightened his hold, knuckles turning white from the strain as his stomach flip flopped, hot, cold, no, hot, cold, again, again. Oh god, I'm going to see his body… This is… obscenity at its greatest work… No… I'll just – pretend he's asleep – He inhaled, deep and slow, trembling. - or some thing – yeah…. that works, go with that-

"I took English in school." Subaru stopped, his breath sounding unusually loud. He refocused on Kamui, who was making a face. "English is really hard. You know, it would be nice, if everyone on Earth spoke one language."

Subaru swallowed a lump in his throat that wouldn't go down… "I suppose?" Why is Kamui talking about this?

Kamui eagerly questioned, "Have you ever been to China? I went there once."

"…No."

Kamui paused, found an uncluttered spot on the wall to lean up against, crossing his legs as he gave a faint smile. "It's really pretty; I got to see Hong Kong… The Chinese don't like us too much though. So we didn't stay for long… but it was nice anyway. The harbor in Hong Kong is beautiful."

Confused, Subaru examined the teenager's stiff posture, then realized… He's trying to distract me. The thought warmed every portion of his body, and Subaru smiled a beatific smile, appreciating with more intensity just how kind Kamui was.

Before he could thank the boy, though, a knock echoed on the door, signaling an arrival and enrapturing his attention. Kamui gave a nervous grin. "I'll get that," and already he was making his way to the door, in slow strides. Subaru tried, over and over, to shove down all his fears, to find his center as if he were meditating, and blank his mind out into concentration. He managed it, partly, but still fiddled with his shirt, not wanting to remain so idle.

Kamui looked through the crack of the door that was out of Subaru's perspective. He then opened it, the mouth of the doorway growing large, widening… A man dressed in a lab coat came into Subaru's vision – likely a scientist, though he hadn't met this person earlier in the lab, in what seemed like only a few seconds ago but was in reality days ago. There was a stretcher to the man's left side, a high one coming up to the man's waist, and thick white quilt hiding what was underneath it, and Subaru could do nothing but stare, eyes dimming in sadness, rotating in the ambivalence of being disturbed or joyous before his mind registered the scientist was speaking and he looked back up.

"-this is okay…" He caught the rest of the sentence, and Kamui was nodding, gave a brief look at Subaru – before he spoke to the scientist.

"Thanks for bringing him up."

"No problem. Do you want me to push him i-"

Subaru interrupted, "No, that's fine. You've done enough – you may leave." Kamui had never heard a more subtle banishment. But the scientist didn't seem to hold any hard feelings on it; rather, he bowed his head politely in respect, and stepped out of view, his footsteps fading in the hallway.

The onmyoji approached his counterpart, hesitating, and then succumbed further into the section of his mind that just wanted to see Seishirou again, that was screaming at him to act on that desire fully, his body tickly from the rush, his heart feeling though it had fallen far into his stomach, though was some how detached and aloof, as if he couldn't handle the full possession of the emotion – Kamui eyed the Sumeragi as he did; violet eyes stirred into a darker hue. He moved away, a piece of him wanting to evade the room – he shouldn't be viewing such a spectacle - but Subaru didn't seem to notice, as he came closer to his destination, and then was running the tips of his fingers, ever-so-gentle against the quilt, stroking it as he had the kitten yesterday, however in far more delicacy and amorous tenderness: with all the steadiness of a living aesthetic; a refrained agony hidden in the green ocean of his one eye, the other pearly and void.

Seishirou-san…

Why did you do this?

Subaru's tongue curled in his mouth, the back of it brushing along the roof. He clenched his jaw, locking it, and snapped the covers back with a roll of his wrist, the white fabric fluttering away like an evasive butterfly's wings; cloth dripping down and staining the floor. Kamui twisted his face away.

The onmyoji let out a constricted breath, oxygen fuming away from him, and hung his head, sealing his eyes, leaving himself in the shadows of his blank stupor: restricted and caged, but safe from the imagery, from the display of death and the display of love before him, the two opposites always attracted to each other; like sun to moon, moth to flame – it has always been that way for him, for so long – so long he didn't know it any other way, wasn't sure if it was possible to be any other way. Subaru let his fingers dance along the quilt supporting the immobile body, his own eyes still shut – he touched cold flesh, so cold it didn't feel like flesh but rather the pink meat of a fish's belly and he instantly wished to shy away from it. His eyes reopened at leisure, slowly swallowing the sight; as the way water takes in the brown of autumn leaves and turns it into gold. Subaru stroked the pale skin of the upper arm with his thumb in small circular motions, and then slid from the elbow down the forearm to the hand in a tedious waver. There he spread the fingers out and lifted the wrist enough to lock their hands together, a shudder running through his body from the chill of Seishirou's flesh. Subaru bent down as if bowing, eyes thinning into a trance, and kissed the fingers of that hand tenderly, nose nuzzling the joints in the absolute softness of a lover's caress. With a sad reluctance he broke away, gaze flicking back up to Seishirou's seemingly sleeping face.

Kamui had opened his eyes once more, as well, though his expression was strangely darkened even though he wasn't in much shadow. Subaru looked back at his friend, contemplating what Kamui could have been thinking, only able to use the substitute of guessing. Was he disturbed? Disgusted? Horrified? But his expression was of great pity, edging into grief, echoing none of those things.

"You can wait outside, Kamui. I need to heal his body…" Subaru murmured.

Kamui nodded, with no words moving around Subaru, their shoulders brushing together for a brief moment before Kamui struck himself against the wall to Subaru's left out in the hall. Subaru made a wearisome sound, wincing as he took a grasp on the stretcher and rolled it inside. Kamui closed the door for him, quietly; the sound of it making a thud that seemed to echo throughout the room like the whisper of a child.

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Subaru bit his lower lip painfully – though he wasn't even noticing it - as he examined Seishirou's pale torso, veins making the flesh seem translucent and thin as a pasty tablecloth, especially along the undersides of the man's arms. Curving blue-green vines twined in the pillar of his throat, snaking to his cheek; making Seishirou look as sickly as a dying pneumonia patient. It was so abnormal to see Seishirou… hurt… and looking as if he was pain… He'd always been so immaculate, even during fighting: rarely did his clothes even tear or so much as stain with blood; making the man appear inhuman, immortal, and invincible – any of those things – but what had transpired had recently proved Subaru's subconscious postulation painstakingly wrong. Everything was blown out of proportion.

I should be the one dead… I wanted to die so much… The only thing I wanted… since you broke me.

Subaru's eyes glazed into navy as he arose power from the very core of his body, in the innermost place; from the endless depths and the eternity of his soul… driving it down into his fingertips, feeling it sizzle like an electrified blanket over his knuckles and seeing that haze of purple and midnight blue arise…

Seishirou-san… I've finally realized… You've been lying, the whole time. Everything… absolutely everything that happened between us, other than the few minutes before your death, before – those things – they were all lies.

The onmyoji's lips quivered as he touched the chest of the icy body, sucking in a breath as his fingers glided over the muscles and skin –

Everything. You toyed with me during the bet, and you toyed with me as we fought in the kekkai. I tried to tamper with you, to get you to at least loathe me a small bit, just enough to get me killed…

But…

…You were just amused… You didn't think anything of it… and disregarded it as child's play…

A green and white eye blinked in unison, and a tongue flicked out to lick chapped lips, observing as the skin amalgamated with the aid of his magic in some places while in other areas leaving parts deliberately untouched, for a doctor's care instead. Subaru shuttered as he stroked along two broken ribs, healing away the small fractures and even the deep cracks before touching the meat of torn muscle, of ripped, rubbery skin…

I thought all along that you just thought of me as something to play with. I thought you would eventually give me what I wanted, I was so sure I would get what I wanted, so certain I would be the one to die…

I understand now what it means to not care about anyone…

It also means… not really caring about yourself, either… Not afraid of death… not afraid of misery… not fearing anything because you don't have any wants for yourself, and if you do, you ignore your own desires as much as you ignore as anyone else's...

Am I wrong?

The temperature of the room was starting to warm the skin to a more normal degrees, bit by bit and piece by piece – a good thing, since he'd be far too cold when he was to awake.

If he awakes. If I don't die… If I don't fail…

Subaru traced out the shrunken circle on Seishirou's chest with a single finger, swallowing, the air thick, stiffening … Wish this hole… forcing himself not to look away …was on my chest... forcing himself not to bolt aside and vomit from the perverse visual. Even with the healing done, it was an awful sight. The onmyoji could reconstruct all too clearly the memory of that blood on his hands, thick as oil as it rolled down his arm, creeping over his skin like large red beetles that liquefied as they reached his clothing and painted him crimson.

Subaru ignored all these imageries, shaking his head swiftly back and forth, glancing to the door, sensing Kamui's presence easily even with the barrier of the wall and reconstructing the visual in his mind as if Kamui were before him. Kamui, posed, slender arms wrapped tightly around himself in an apparent state of fragility, one leg crossed over the other, soft lips pursed like opening rose buds, violet eyes narrowed, wavy bangs falling in front of his face, thin eyebrows scrunched together in – Subaru could only wonder – but what it truly looked like was … misery…

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Subaru ignited his shikigami before beginning, having realized somewhere in his musings the previous night it was probably better to already have it with him, rather than using the spell to call it to him during Taimaiso's competence. That had certainly been difficult, eradicating dark onmyojitsu arts and then calling to light; magic with two totally different presences and properties, only further severing his subconscious and making him fumble as he did with the kitten.

The unique dove-like bird that was his shikigami retained its usual milky, opal glow, a comforting sight; the same as it had been since he'd first called to it when he was nine, even with the ever changing circumstances. It was odd that his shikigami hadn't changed the slightest even when his personality had taken a twist into oddity. He'd read somewhere, long ago, that it was possible for a shikigami to change its appearance, sometimes even its abilities, if its sire's mind was damaged horrendously enough, or if the onmyoji was possessed - but then again, maybe his personality had been foretold; the line of that already seeming antiquated and loosing any intriguing luster it might have once held, turning into nothing but a weak, ugly aphorism in the Sumeragi Subaru's eyes.

The spirited puffed out its features and stretched each of its short wings as it perched itself on one of the shelves. Kamui stared up at it dubiously. Subaru couldn't help but smile, even with that premonition feeling rooting around in his stomach; spurting out something akin to rotting flowers and a foggy coldness that made him want to shudder in fear and in excitement - Much more fear then excitement, enough fear to be considered agonizing, torturous.

He examined Kamui's back as the boy attempted increasing his height by standing on his toes, stretching out questing fingers to the bird, making himself seem smaller and somehow innocently helpless. A small stroke of power was all it took for the shikigami to flutter out its wings and land on Kamui's hand. Kamui drew his hand back, turning to Subaru to give him a grateful grin and then examining the bird in admiration.

Subaru heard him whisper a small, breathless, "Pretty…," those luscious violet eyes clouded and glassy in awe.

Subaru looked aside, feeling just a touch embarrassed. The green and white orbs met the legs of Seishirou's stretcher, climbing upward apprehensively… He'd covered the Sakurazukamori back in the sheet, and then another, thicker quilt, to warm him. He'd also done this to keep him hidden, for Kamui's sake. Lord knew the boy had seen enough death…

"We should start."

Subaru didn't like the way his voice sounded. Raw. Dry. Exposed.

He could sense it when Kamui nodded beside him. Subaru breathed in profoundly, drawing sticky air into his lungs, vainly attempting to sooth his nerves: and melt that intense block of ice seated in his abdomen, spreading throughout his body like the limbs of a tree, the constriction of his own flesh that was terror – the sweat on the back of his neck, on his arms, leaking down like portentous drips of vomit mingled with poison, the hint of a great illness – the soft, gentle pants, only heard in the absolutory of lethal silence – the lowered rhythm of his heart - in his mind he could see the glow of his shikigami as it glittered off Kamui's fingers, sparkling like Tokyo's own city lights, landing on his shoulder instead.

He turned, only taking one or two steps to reach the table he'd been using previously. It took all his training in meditation to slide the spell book into his palms without trembling.

Calm down… calm down… I need to calm down…

His body tensed in automatic reaction when he felt something make contact with his back – immediately he searched for the source – only to see Kamui's eyes staring up at him, sadness glistening in the pupils of his eyes; two enlarged, dark holes like whirlpools of that violet sea seeming to suck Subaru's breath out of his chest as if in the swipe of a wave, swallowing his thoughts and feelings in one piercing moment. He felt the object on his back move, regaining his stance into reality, and his mind identified the object quickly as Kamui's hand – rubbing along the line of his spine, dipping into the crevice, offering genuine, heartfelt comfort. It was very gentle; almost enough to tickle, not so much a touch as the implication of it, but Subaru was more focused on Kamui's countenance. The way his eyes seemed to take all light within itself and shine it back outward in a dance of sublimity – the mauve irises holding patterns like the rocky gorge of a mountain range; cut into jagged shapes as elegant as the outlining of a butterfly's wings. It was dangerously easy to become spellbound by it.

"Be careful." He murmured.

Subaru nodded, the fear, the tenseness leaving him, draining from his body as if he'd just been showered by some sort of unworldly rain…

"I'll be quiet. I won't get in the way-"

"-no matter what happens." Subaru finished for him. Kamui blinked, lips parting, looking as if he wanted to say something more, or even object - "Kamui. Even if I collapse, go into a seizure, bleed from my ears, anything - Don't get in the way. You can't fix it if something goes wrong. It's not that I don't want your help," he covered when he saw the boy's face look crestfallen, "but you can't help. Don't try to even call to me, until you've sensed all the ki and power fade. Don't try to reverse the effects if something goes wrong-"

"But—"

"-No matter what. Promise me." Subaru whispered, hating the desperate plea of his own voice, even with the sternness of an adult behind it, aplomb and unchanging. Kamui was far too important to risk in this dangerous task, for the world's sake, and for Subaru's own, selfish sake. He cared dearly for the boy... Even if he hadn't been 'the Kamui', he could never let the teenager be involved... Also, there were many others who cared for Kamui – he didn't want to think what the Seals reactions would be if Kamui was hurt by something that didn't involve the battles – and how plagued with guilt he would himself feel. He absolutely refused to take the chance, even if it meant he would be alone and suffer for it.

Subaru added, murmuring sorrowfully, "…I can't let you stay here and try to help unless you promise."

Kamui looked like he'd been struck with a slap for a brief instant – a split second that made Subaru feel as if he'd committed the most sinful of acts - but it dissipated instantly, to his relief, and Kamui nodded in pliancy, lifting his face up and holding a direct gaze with his friend. "Alright. I promise."

Subaru felt the last remaining tenseness of his body going lax. "…Thank you."

Kamui offered him a tiny, pleased smile, and stepped around Subaru, towards the door. The blind and green eye followed his lithe motions.

"Shall I wait here, or outside?" Kamui asked, half-turning towards the onmyoji, with no hesitation, no fear or biased opinion of what Subaru wanted in his voice.

Subaru thought for a moment, glancing at the book, then back at Kamui. "I suppose standing there is fine."

Kamui nodded, and leant his back to the shut door, looking as if he was preparing himself for the next minutes, perhaps hours, that were sure to be invigorating. His arms were crossed, and he looked more ready for whatever was to come than Subaru felt.

Subaru continued as if Kamui wasn't there, blocking out his presence from the subconscious of his mind.

The pages crinkled like dead leaves as he turned to the page labeled Chapter five.

o

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So thus he began. It was the same process as it had been the previous night, which gave the Sumeragi enough buoyancy to say the chants without stuttering or mumbling, his voice loud and clear; as boisterous as it was when he was yelling spells during battles. Kamui watched with fearful eyes; rounded large mauve skylines, watered and dampened as if from dew hanging on flower petals; hugging himself and staring, but not daring to utter a single word and break the sound of Subaru's voice.

Subaru felt dazed, as if the things that were happening weren't being caused by him, like the steps had been embedded into his mind and had become instinctive. Several times he had to regain focus as he chanted, and he was beginning to felt the ki in himself gathering, a near mimic of last night's activities. But it was stronger. Thicker. It also felt different, lukewarm and cloudy as it coated the inner walls of his throat, encompassing him entirely in a growing heat as it spread to the corners of his body.

Concentrating fully was not an easily done task, but the onmyoji strained onward, reading, jaw hurting, mouth drying, his throat itching from vocals, but not pausing once, the thought of Kamui standing in the corner observing all this already banished from his mind. It was as if the teenager wasn't there at all.

He kept repeating word after word in Chinese until they blurred together in an incoherent mess, and he felt the force of ki flowing through the channels in his body and radiating off it, like steam rising from heated skin. His vision sliced in half. He called to his shikigami in automatic reflex, and it delved into the opening of brightened, white-light, entering the channel of the spirit word in one unstopping force, like the powerful engine of a train leering onward into a pitch black night.

Momentarily Subaru was blinded by the magic, his skin arising in goose bumps as he saw, felt, and touched through his shikigami, half-seeing the page and reading while seeing the other side, trying to not become dazed… for some reason he could hear… a melody…

A soothing melody, like a lullaby, sung on a sweet mother's lips to her ill child. Subaru could not see the world, it was far too black, so dark he could not even truly make out his shikigami's glowing hue – and the onmyoji could feel the spirits, all around him, more then he'd ever felt before in one place a one time, like some kind of invisible masquerade, playing about him and chilling him right to the core, into his naked soul: an exposure that was near mind-shattering The vastness of time and space stretched out beyond his vision, beyond eternity, swallowing all sight. It was something like being suspended in the air, and Subaru called his shikigami to go forward, unsure if it was really the body of his shikigami he was seeing through, sensing through, not having time to think while searching for light… light… until he could see a blaring star, standing out in that dark ocean, like a diamond – calling to him… in that ripened, liquefied voice, drawing him closer - going on until it encompassed him, like the enormous, gaping jaws of a monster… But he could feel Seishirou's presence growing like an arising furnace in his body, as illuminating, as blinding as the star's radiance…

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Chapter one - END